The Unlikely Village of Eden: A Memoir

by Emma Nadler

"A truly poignant read that shines a light on the humanity in neurodivergence, the heart of parenting, and the soul of psychotherapy.”—Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again 

A profoundly thought-provoking, funny, and hopeful memoir about adapting when life doesn’t go to plan, redefining family, and creating your own path.



One afternoon, Emma Nadler gets a call from her daughter's doctor that changes her life forever. Faced with the realities of raising a child with a rare genetic condition, Nadler must confront her preconceptions of motherhood and her perfectionistic beliefs.

With a generous wit and a wide-open mind, Nadler—who also happens to be a psychotherapist—offers a rare window into the unconventional ways she and her family adapt to their improbable path. Every relationship in her life—with herself, her husband, children, friends, and even clients—is reimagined as she navigates the heartbreak and hilarity of her daily life.

As she and her husband join the 53 million caregivers in the United States, Nadler wrestles to belong in a society that devalues both caregivers and people with disabilities. She challenges the scripts that mothers should be martyrs, or that self-sacrifice is a necessary component of love. Nadler illustrates the complexity, grief, and joy of living an unexpected life, all with the wisdom of a therapist, the heart of a loving parent, and the ingenuity of a queer woman who refuses to be shackled by cultural expectations.


The Unlikely Village of Eden is an insightful and wholehearted look at the long-ignored realities so many families live with daily. Nadler is a trusted guide who confronts both hope and despair as she gives readers the gift of what it looks like to redefine love, success, family, and community.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Parenting, Medical, Audiobook

295 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 9, 2023

About the author

Emma Nadler is an author, speaker, and psychotherapist. In her private practice, she helps people better understand and tolerate emotions, build deeper relationships, and find meaning in life's challenges. She is passionate about transforming her own experiences as a parent of a child with disabilities into empathy, compassion, humor, and of course, stories. She lives in Minnesota with her (never boring) family and Benny, who is arguably the cutest little dog this side of the Mississippi. To learn more, visit EmmaNadler.com.

Reviews

[Rincey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I originally was concerned that reading a memoir about a mother to a child who has various disabilities would be difficult while pregnant, but I honestly found this to be a really hopeful and a realistic look at what it is like to be a caregiver. But in the end, the purpose of this book is to talk about the importance of the village in your life while you are a parent.

Watch me discuss this book more in my wrap up: https://youtu.be/cOhg7Gow98I

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emma is honest and hopeful and I love her writing style! She beautifully showcased the complexities of disability parenting. The fear, exhaustion, awe, and transcendent love.

Some of my favorite quotes:

"I had an itch to be productive to do more and be more and to do it faster, better, more perfectly. Perfectionism was my native language. I could have passed it down to the next generation without trying; I think I would have if not for Eden"

“Pity is the opposite of honoring a life”

“I didn’t want anyone to be sorry about my one luminous daughter”

Ugh. She gets it.

[Laura Donovan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, this book is so perfect. I can’t begin to understand the author’s struggles, but I can say that her words resonated with me, a mom with a child on the spectrum and another with significant challenges, more than any other book I’ve read - including all the books on raising spirited kids, kids on the spectrum, etc. this is the real deal for moms who feel their identities have suffered in parenthood. For the moms who have lost themselves in caregiving and become shells of their former selves. All moms need a village, but perhaps moms in Emma’s category need it most. I love the author’s focus on finding her people while also recognizing the many challenges of having a child with severe health issues. I’ve never felt more seen than in these pages. This is without a doubt one of the best books of 2023.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book hit home for me. It was sometimes like reading my own son's medical journey. Real, raw, and eye-opening.

[Kelly Lang · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mom, writer and caregiver to a child with ‘needs’ I related to “I wanted a less complicated life”. Emma wrote with honesty and vulnerability showing all she and her family did to take care of their exceptional Eden. Along the way, they enjoyed joyous moments mixed with profound loss.

This book illustrates the lapses our system has in terms of healthcare and support for families but Emma is able to illustrate how she built a village.

[Shannon (The Book Club Mom) · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Emma Nadler’s memoir, The Unlikely Village of Eden, the reader receives an eye-opening glimpse at what it’s like to raise a child with a rare genetic condition. The majority of this memoir is focused on her daughter, Eden, her diagnosis, health issues, as well as the ups, downs, and constant hurdles to jump along the way. The endless hospital visits, learning curve of operating life-saving equipment, anxiety over receiving medical bills, and around the clock care that Eden needed sounded insurmountable. Nadler makes you feel like you’re right there in the thick of it along with her. The writing is simply stunning, honest, and raw. You can just feel the exhaustion, worry, and grief in her words. How does one cope and carry on when life doesn’t go according to plan? Her marriage, career, and friendships were all affected throughout this journey.

What I appreciated most about this memoir were the little snippets that Nadler gives about herself before Eden—before her caregiving and motherhood role even began. We see snapshots of her character through her previous life experiences, achievements, beliefs, and upbringing. Most importantly, we see how it all shapes her. Also, Nadler is a Minnesotan, so I loved her descriptions of the weather, scenery, and way of life for those of us who live up north. I reside in North Dakota, so it all felt very local (and refreshing) to me.

I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions while reading this memoir. I smiled, laughed, worried, and even shed a tear or two. I also felt an immense wave of relief once Nadler found her village. Thank you, Emma for sharing your story. Your strength, perseverance, vulnerability, and honesty touched my soul. Truly. Just so you know…I’ll forever stalk your instagram page, hunting for updates and tidbits on Eden. Your precious girl stole a little piece of my heart. 5/5 outstanding stars for The Unlikely Village of Eden. I HIGHLY recommend it.

[Poovizhi Panpa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking, joyful, sorrowful, heartwarming, painful, hopeful, and desperate, all at the same time. An unbelievable emotional cocktail.

The crux of the book being "What happens if the plans don't work?", Emma Nadler gives valuable insights on the meaning of acceptance, resilience, joy and gratitude.

[Allison Peart · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story illuminates a mother’s journey alongside her daughter with a rare genetic condition

[Laurie Barshay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emma Nadler adds her voice to the many memoirs of parents of children with special needs. , the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. With all its messiness and unique emotional landscape. She is the mother of Avi and Eden. She is also a psychotherapist which gives Nadler a unique perspective on the loss of herself. And the grief of who she thought her children would be. She is worn down to the core and, for her own survival, must think outside the conventional box of what family means. Over time, Nadler and her family build a village of helpers to a medically and emotionally frail Eden. And at the same time, Nadler must find a different way of being in the world. A deviation from the fixer, the healer, the one who is there for everyone but herself. While Nadler is under extreme pressure of life and death experiences every day with Eden, her feelings are relatable to any parent. We learn about the obstacles parents face in this culture. A successful career, an attentive and agreeable partner, and a perfect mother. Emma Nadler breaks down those obstacles and by learning to do things differently, shows us more authentic way of being in the world.

[Tess Mertens-Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emma Nadler is a psychotherapist who has two children. A son and a daughter. As the daughter, who is the youngest, did not hit her milestone and had digestive issue they consulted the medical world. The diagnosis is a rare genetic condition which she will need management with digestion and environmental stimulation. Emma wrote of the frustrations with medical services, the sorrow (and joy) of raised a child with a disability, and the tole it takes on the “Village” needed to give Eden her best life. She found out who her friend were, and found unlikely villagers that became their family.
I am a grandmother of two identical twin girls who have STXBP1 which compromises their mobility and speech. I feel and see everything Emma has written. She gave an honest accounting of the emotions involved. Excellent reading for anyone who has a disabled child in their life, and for those who do not to know who to react and help (e.g. don’t say “Don’t you wish you would have miscarried?”). People suck.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emma's daughter Eden is born with a rare genetic condition which makes it so that her needs will be so much greater than they expected when they started parenthood. This is the story of how Emma and family find their village which helps hold them up when having difficult days. As a mother myself, I don't think I realized how important the village was until after I had children and even then, finding that village feels almost impossible when you don't have sleep or the ability to leave your child to find it.

From the book:
“We should make the rules as we go, especially if the rules include pastries. And also, we should make the rules as we go because creativity is a way to remember that we are alive.”

“I felt as if I’d failed. I had the belief that if I tried hard enough then I would absolutely get what I wanted. I was left wondering, Did I not do enough? This is how I was back then: determined, disciplined, unrealistic. Thinking I had control of things that, of course, I didn’t.”

[Barbara]

I knew right away once I started reading this book that it would be both a hard read for me and a hard book for me to review. I always knew when I was pregnant that I would never be able to parent a disabled child. I just knew that about myself. I do not dislike disabled children, I just knew that I personally would not be the best parent to a disabled child full time. With that said, reading this book, many years past the time that I have had young children, I know that I would never have been able to parent Eden. And yet, how do you not when it is your own child? This was a difficult book to read. It was interesting for me because it happened in my community and I know a number of the people involved. But there is so much about it that I question. I know that I can find out the answers to those questions, but do I really want to? Should I? I almost wish I hadn't picked up this book.

[Karma Lea · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author puts into words what many moms, parents or caregivers go through on a daily basis. Raw feelings, mixed emotions and despair can be turned into hope and promise when expectations are slashed and you have some key people in your village. Validating to hear that despite her finding an amazing village, sometimes in the least likely places, having resources and intelligence with a therapy background, she still struggles. People don’t understand how powerful just showing up or checking in can be. She also touches on how much of a nightmare it is to always be fighting for benefits and resources while advocating every single day. Highly recommend!

[Jacy Sutton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an honest, open and raw journey of life and its unexpected and profound challenges. I heard the author speak at a book event and she said that she wrote the book because she wished she'd had something like this to read on her journey. She more than accomplished that goal. I believe anyone struggling with these kind of issues will feel supported by this profoundly beautiful memoir.

One of the most striking aspects is Nadler's authenticity. She bares her soul, sharing the highs and lows of her family's journey without pretense. She doesn't shy away from difficult moments, she confronts them head-on.

[Delia Koolick · Rating 5 out of 5]

SUCH A GOOD MEMOIR! any author who can be that vulnerable and make me laugh and cry as much as I did deserves all the stars. I used to work at the camp that her son went to, and he was always the sweetest most smiley camper we had. I just loved getting to read about how he coped throughout those tougher bouts of aggression and medical needs for his sister, still with such a kind presence!! Very indicative of his village too :). I’ve never felt more inspired to go out and find my own village.

I also was fangirling hard during the bon iver Coachella part I mean that’s the coolest thing I’ve ever heard!!!

[Ann Ginsburgh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished reading "The Unlikely Village of Eden," written by Emma Nadler. In a way, one could say that I SAVORED it, taking in just a few chapters at a time. It is a hugely powerful and insightful read. The intensity of the book with its description of everyday ups, downs, and inside-outs gives the reader an altogether profound picture of enormous and seemingly never-ending struggles and determination, sprinkled with precious triumphs. Along the way, the reader is introduced to some amazing family members along with old and newer friends who create a landscape of insight, understanding and support. I feel blessed to have been able to virtually visit the terrain of this "Unlikely Village..."

[Jessica Patay · Rating 5 out of 5]

GORGEOUSLY WRITTEN MEMOIR! Emma Nadler is a fantastic writer who brings us into the intensity and beauty and struggle of the caregiving life. Fellow caregiving moms (and dads) will appreciate her raw honesty and it will resonate so deeply what we go through. I could not put this book down, and I underlined so many quote-worthy lines and paragraphs. Thank you Emma, for putting this out in the world and helping to raise awareness about the plight of the caregiver, and the deep need for a village.

[Joyce Ratner · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is as if this book was wtitten for me. As a parent of a child who was born 31 years ago with a genetic disorder and was challenged with profound disabilities, Emma puts into words all that I felt and experienced. How I wish I had this book then, I would not have felt so alone. Emma in sharing her story offers insight into self compassion, how we can despair and still have hope as parents. Emma writes with clarity, humor and was a salve to my heart

[Lilmercer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for any parent, caregiver, teacher, therapist or human. Life doesn’t go to plan for most of us and she nails that with this book. On top that she seals it with humor that helps the reader to laugh with her and see that really there are two ways to look at everything. That sometimes it’s about figuring out how to just move forward. It is a story that will help many others.

[Kelsey Goeman Goldstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just wow. I can feel the soul, love, ambiguity, heartbreak, and immense joy all within the chapters of this beautiful memoir. It was also refreshing to read about caregiving through a feminist lens, at the intersections of disability and queerness, as we often think of caregiving as a single-identity/role.

Thank you Emma for your vulnerability, speaking your truth, and sharing everything in between.

[Jill May · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. I am also a mother who has at times felt great despair and related to Emma in her loneliness, joy, appreciation, sorrow, utter exhaustion and all of the other big and small emotions. There were so many times throughout the book that I had to pause to absorb a phrase because it captured so perfectly how I have felt at one time throughout my own journey. I have so much appreciation for the author for bringing this book into the world.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

My therapist recommended this book to me. My journey with my son who was born prematurely was similar enough to Eden's journey that it brought back a flood of memories for me. I was hesitant to read it at first because I thought oh boy this isn't going to be easy...it wasn't always easy but it opened a door that needed to be opened and I hope to write down some of my stories if only to help me heal.

Thank you Emma and Eden!

[Rita · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a parent of a special needs child, I could relate to all her setbacks and joys. It is tough to stay married under such conditions. Emma's blunt telling of the trials she endured and the blame she dished out were raw and revealing. It takes grit to come back stronger in a relationship. She tells it like it is.

We love our kids to no end. And sometimes we wish for another life. She was lucky to find Julie and Marc to help with Eden. We do what we can to stay sane.

[Dana Levinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nadler’s book is so beautifully written, with phrases like “And grief laced with fatigue has an electric pulse," staying with you for days. The memoir is also so relatable, not solely for a caregiver of a child with a disability, but for anyone who is grappling with redefining identity, career and relationships when life throws them curveballs without easy answers. I wholeheartedly recommend it!

[Dana Levinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nadler’s book is so beautifully written, with phrases like “And grief laced with fatigue has an electric pulse," staying with you for days. The memoir is also so relatable, not solely for a caregiver of a child with a disability, but for anyone who is grappling with redefining identity, career and relationships when life throws them curveballs without easy answers. I wholeheartedly recommend it!

[Jessica Fein · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just this minute finished this book and feel like I've met a long-lost friend in the author, which I don't say in a creepy stalkerish kind of way, but because of how deeply I relate to the story. Great read for caregivers, medical mamas (and dads), and anyone who wants a glimpse into what life is like when things take a wildly different course than you expected.

[Laura Boyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emma- thank you for sharing your heart with the world! You did such a beautiful job of sharing your experiences as a mother, wife, therapist, and human! I especially appreciate your honesty about the struggles of marriage and the endurance it sometimes takes to make things better. You’re a beautiful writer.

[Heidi Shertok · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t know if anyone else has pointed this out, but Emma Nadler is FUNNY. While this book is a brutally honest memoir about raising a child who’s missing a portion of DNA, and the journey that is equal parts beauty and despair, I still found myself chuckling nearly every other page. It’s a must-read for any parent who planned a trip to Italy, but ended up in Holland.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a memoir about a family who had a child with severe disabilities and the way they found their way with the help of many friends and family members. It was well written but the details were so disturbing that I had to take breaks with other books in order to finish it. Amazing bravery and dedication.

[Sharon Banitt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Emma Nadler's true life story is a life that changes when her daughter is born without all her DNA. She and her husband Cedar become care givers. It is difficult and heart wrenching for all including Avi, their son. Family, neighbors and friends step in to help which eventually give them much needed relief. All their lives are changed forever.