Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond: How to Keep Your Head When Others Around You Have Lost Theirs and Blame You

by Matthew Sharpe

Not just coping, but growing from the experience.
This is the first book applying Stoic philosophy, and its extraordinary exercises in resilience and self-care, to the epidemic problem of bullying and 'mobbing'. Aimed preeminently at targets, it offers guidance on managing negative emotions, and making good decisions, in what for many people is the greatest challenge of their lives.
 

 
"Sharpe understands the terror of being mobbed at work, he captures that terror in engaging prose, and he draws from Stoic philosophy practical ways of recovering the joy of life. Few books this profound are as easy to read as this one. It will do a lot of people a lot of good." - Kenneth Westhues, Professor Emeritus, University of Waterloo, author of Eliminating A Guide to the Dismissal Process, coauthor of The Remedy and Prevention of Mobbing in Higher Education and other works.
 
"Being the target of workplace bullying and harassment is confusing and paralysing. Matthew Sharpe is providing us with a different perspective-based on case studies, history and literature. I think that this perspective can help validate a target in the early stages of bullying and harassment and provide some sensible options." - Evelyn M Field OAM.FAPS, author of Bully Blocking (2007), Bully Blocking at Work (2010) and Strategies for Surviving Bullying at Work (2011)
 
"Bullying at work? Consider a Stoic response. Matthew Sharpe tells how in this accessible and practical treatment." - Emeritus Professor Brian Martin, University of Wollongong, author of Justice the dynamics of backfire (2007), and A Practical Guide (2013).
 
"This book is a therapeutic read for anyone who has been the target of bullying. It makes a distinct contribution by providing a self-help guide that is informed by the practical wisdom of Stoic philosophy. It will be a welcomed companion for those who are striving to grow through the experience of being bullied--from its sensitive analysis of this experience, to the thoughtful exercises on how to best respond." - Dr. Rob Nolan, Clinical and Research Psychologist, Director of the Cardiac eHealth and Behavioural Cardiology Research Unit at the University Health Network, Toronto.
 

"In this timely book, Matthew Sharpe provides a helpful framework and practical tools for surviving the hidden but widespread scourge of workplace bullying. Based on insights from Stoicism and contemporary psychology, How to Keep Your Head is a lifesaver for targets of bullying and those who support them." - Brittany Polat, author of Tranquility Parenting (Rowman & Littlefield, 2019), co-founder Stoicare, steering committee member, Modern Stoicism

190 pages, Paperback

Published July 29, 2022

About the author

Matthew Sharpe (born 1962) is a U.S. novelist and short story writer. Born in New York City, but grew up in a small town in Connecticut. Sharpe graduated from Oberlin College in Ohio. Afterwards, he worked at US Magazine until he went back to school at Columbia University, where he pursued an MFA. Since then, he has been teaching creative writing at various institutions including Columbia University, Bard College, the New College of Florida, and Wesleyan University. Sharpe says he started writing fiction at age ten but was finally inspired and encouraged to be a writer after reading Sam Shepard's play La Turista when he was 21.

Matthew Sharpe is the author of the novels Nothing Is Terrible (Villard, 2000), The Sleeping Father (Soft Skull, 2003, translated into nine languages), Jamestown (Soft Skull, 2007) and You Were Wrong (Bloomsbury, 2010) as well as the short-story collection Stories from the Tube (Villard, 1998). He teaches creative writing at Wesleyean University. His stories and essays have appeared in Harper's, Zoetrope, BOMB, McSweeney's, American Letters & Commentary, Southwest Review, and Teachers & Writers magazine.

Reviews

[Donald Robertson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Workplace bullying can devastate people's lives. Matt Sharpe's excellent book shows how Stoic philosophy can help us cope wisely and resiliently with such challenges.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book very interesting to read. All of the information was presented to the reader in a clear, concise way that made it easy to understand. I also related to the attitudes and values expressed by the author, for example, what he says about friendship. "Even if a person had everything else they wished for, they would still wish to have friends. Friends make good times better and hard times easier to bear."

As a reader, I felt compassionate while I was reading this. I felt the author spoke to the reader in a thought-provoking way, and I was inclined to pause and think about human behaviour in general. Why do people behave this way? Why does bullying happen? It shouldn't.

I thought the exercises in the book could be very useful too. I think anyone at all could benefit from reading this book, whether they have experienced the issues described or not, as I thought it very interesting and an eye-opener to read.

[Sage Abena Jade · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I’ve been observing and noting some attitudes at my new workplace and before that; tensions with a roommate. These e appeared to be moving dangerously in the direction of bullying.

Matthew Sharpe shows us how to react in these instances with a lucid, empathetic tone which made me feel understood and like I’m not so alone after all.

It also offered me the reassurance that being human is no reason to beat yourself up. All you really have to do is forgive yourself and move forward with the goal of reacting differently when the urge is on the surface.

This book is a phenomenal stoic guide to keeping your head when all else are losing theirs and I think everyone should read it. The bullies included.

[Janja · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are some books that come into your life when you need them most. So did Matthew Sharpe's Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond enter mine during a period I was experiencing mobbing myself.

Reading was like a self-healing journey bringing up memories, sounds, lines of conversations … Page by page pieces of a huge puzzle were put into their place and finally I was able to look at events from a distance and grasp the bigger picture. Eventually I realized I was able to gasp for air of freedom.

How come?

Understanding the 25 tactics used by bullies was like looking at situations through different glasses. The heavy burden was getting unpacked.

I kept asking myself questions such as:
 Who am I when I am being bullied?
 What was the trigger and what the final goal of bullies?
 To act or remain quiet and invisible?
 What values and beliefs will I stand for till the end?
 Who are my real friends, whom (if anyone at all) I can trust and confide in?
 What is the smartest thing to do?
 What battles are pointless to get in?
 What lies within my power?

The book encouraged me to cope with the tough situation and leave the bullies and mobbers behind. Matthew reassured me to keep my head up. Seasoning dark thoughts with humour helped devastating moments turn a bit lighter.

Real life stories, presented in the book, unveil the grim reality of mobbing and bullying. The silent social epidemic is highlighted by worrying statistics. Bullying is ramifying in workplaces, in schools, in the virtual world.

So, what can be done? The book brings the practical wisdom how to cope with bullying when being a target.

When a friend or a family member of a target, the book will empower you to be able to recognize symptoms and help sensitively. The fact that bullying is as old as human civilization can not be an excuse for anyone to disregard or ignore target's distress.

Last but not least, I'd like to share one more Matthew's message saying that all human beings have the inalienable capacities to think and govern their own lives.

So do you. Stand up for yourself and your well-being. Start with the book. Pick up Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond.

[Ayezu Tamarapreye Okoko · Rating 4 out of 5]

BOOK:-STOICISM,BULLYING AND BEYOND-HOW TO KEEP YOUR HEAD WHEN OTHERS AROUND YOU HAVE LOST THEIRS AND BLAME YOU BY MATTHEW SHARPE.

BOOK REVIEWER:- OKOKO AYEZU TAMARAPREYE.

SYNOPSIS

A book on work place conflict,health and work place related mental injury.The book looks at work place bullying ( both formal and informal/subtle)and mobbing and the place of a line manager ,good management, staff turn over or effective legal action by target in resolving same. It also looks at the injustice of the moral injury on the target by the mob which plays the role of accuser,witness and judge .It lists tactics for dealing with prolonged mobbing using Stoicism and lists health challenges caused by bullying while elaborating on how to deal with none Stoics.

LESSON LEARNT FROM THE BOOK READ
🖲️For the bully there are lessons on ensuring a situation where people are presumed innocent until proven guilty to prevent bullying

🖲️Need for legislation against workplace bullying.

🖲️Calming ones self in the midst of bullying by writing and gardening so it does not distort your social self,professional reputation and job efficiency.

🖲️Stoicism as the virtue of inner strength to pull through bullying and mobbing with a controlled response.

APPLICATION OF LESSONS LEARNT

The lessons learnt are useful to the bully ,bullied,law makers and enforcers

[Pinky N.A · Rating 5 out of 5]

I give this book 5 stars because I can relate so much with stoicism. It is true that my usual way of thinking is actually stoicism (with my religion on top of it). I just never realised it before.

The narration was neat and sooo clear — as clear as the sky — that for me, I can understand it easily. I thought apart from the exercises, all of them will be boring — I'm not gonna lie but yeah, I did — but no, this book is interesting and sounds near to me. Even the exercises were helpful — oh, I haven't graduate from undergraduate yet, but I simulated all of the exercises, plus I was a bullying victim too.

All these mobbing reminds me of one of my high school friends. I wish I knew this book back then, so I can recommend it to her. Maybe I can recommend it now, but she's not a mobbing target anymore. But, call it "difference of cultures". I don't think we Indonesian experience that kinda level of mobbing (as far as I know, as a person who never took a full time job). This book is helpful, but need to be adjusted a little bit if we want to use it outside of US.

I don't think there's anything I consider as mistake (for the writing part). The writing was neat. Maybe one thing. The repetition of "(Chapter X)" was a little bit annoying, but I just ignored it, because I can read the book without minding those. So, 5 stars from me.

[Kiima Kongolo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having been a victim of bullying my self, I recommend people to read this book, it talks about many of the psychological effects I faced while at university. The author's approach in explaining things in detail and the "why" for the happening of things is really great. To the Muslims in particular, you'll find great information that aligns with what the religion teaches as an answer to many of the problems that mobbees face. Back in school, I felt small, was mocked at and felt like everything had turned against me, I even started to doubt my self and abilities, felt like I was the faulty one not knowing that I was actually being envied yet the author explains how envy is one of the things that drives bullies into doing what they do. To anyone out there from every walk of life, read this book, the advice given will surely help lots of people know what to do in case they are faced with haters at any place in their lives. Students, workers, administrators etc should check it out. Thanks to book tasters for recommending such an awesome book. Allah bless you guys.

[Yolisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Matt does an incredible job in this book. The way he lays out the different ways,subtle and beyond that bullies use to isolate and completely annihilate their target. It's a great way for everyone to understand that things like this happen,not just in the work place,but everywhere.
He doesn't just tell you what to look out for but also articulates, plainly how to get out from under it and keep your head up and even expose bullying for what it is.
It is a great book to give as a gift,meticulously written.

[Jose Cobos · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to read this book when I was in high school. Exercises and solutions to everyday problems in schools could be easily solved with simple actions and without losing calm or consciousness. Although it is clear that it is a book for work circumstances can be read at various levels and continue to provide the same service and achieving very clear objectives. It is written in a simple and understandable way and inspires to follow the steps that can resolve these types of conflicts and wait with good expectations for the author’s next books. A pleasure to read this author.

[Koootar]

Mobbing and bullying in a workplace are certainly harmful, and '' the best sort of revenge is to not become like those who would harm you'', and this book is here to deeply explain bullying from different sides such as the tactics, phases, causes and when it first showed in ancient wars.
Afterwards, the author explains the art of the Stoic response to bullying and mobbing.

Thanks BOOKTASTERS and MATTHEW SHARP for giving me the opportunity to read this interesting book.

[Covenant Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this interesting and relatable. This traits especially of bullying has become a norm and most times have negative impacts on the bullied victims. This topic has been less addressed and I thank the writer for this eye opening tool.
I could reference this book for people who will need it as they encounter such acts in diverse sects of life.
Good read, yeah.
Thank you.

[Hiram · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clear introduction to Stoicism and application to difficult life events. Would recommend it to anyone in bullying situation.