Ladyboys: The Secret World of Thailand's Third Gender

by Susan Aldous, Pornchai Sereemongkonpol

An intimate portrait of Thailand's ladyboys: the men who have chosen to become women. The book offers intimate details of the lives that they've never publicly revealed. They talk about the choices they've made, their relationships, families, frustrations and hopes.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Biography, History, Short Stories, Memoir, Reference

308 pages, Paperback

First published May 15, 2008

Reviews

[Petra X · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finished the book awhile back but couldn't think how to sum it up. It wasn't just about the big-boobed, shaved Adam's apple nightclub sex performers, or those who still had 'snakes' in their panties, it was also about indigent old ladies who had lived as men almost all their lives. And about those who started off in the sex trade but had gone on to become successful in business. Those that had done it for business were often gay, those that had always felt that way were not usually but dreams small dreams of a husband to care for, a home of their own to sweep...

The book was also about the families, poor and steeped in the traditions of centuries in their villages, rejecting their effeminate sons, especially the Muslim families, the Buddhist ones feel shamed but can come to terms with it. None of the families though minded the money coming back to their homes from their ladyboys but preferred the donors stayed away or returned dressed as men. '

You know one of the things that struck me as strange in Bangkok was that I never saw anyone camp. The ladyboys with the beautiful faces and big breasts are flamboyant but it was different. The gay men we saw with them, Thai, Arab or German most usually weren't either. There you go. Different ways of expressing themselves.
_____

Notes on reading the book The other night we were in a very nice restaurant and opposite us was a 6' tall ladyboy wearing tight shorts and very high heels. She looked amazing. She was quite a lot taller and much younger than her much older white bf and very beautiful. But also despite being very feminine looking, just not girlie at all.

It seems from the book that most ladyboys are cabaret artists or whores or both. Some go abroad to work, Germany being very popular. They apparently prefer ladyboys with snake! Some of the ladyboys who are not transgender have had gender reassignment surgery purely for business purposes as they feel that they can pass as women sexually and make more money.

It doesn't seem to be 'third sex' but three and four. Three (transvestite, the majority) and four (transgender). They are easy to spot in the street or serving in Starbucks or wherever. At night the side streets around Nana are full of girl bars, with these ladyboys. They are on average much taller, much broader shoulders, and kind of louder and less Asian-feminine than the girls. They are also very pretty indeed. You can hear them too, they don't have feminine voices even those that have cultivated a sort of lighter lispier sound. Thai girls speak in very gentle tones, the ladyboys... not so much.

Some find it was a mistake as the European men come to these bars looking for transvestites not girls, natural or otherwise. Some find the operation a great relief as they can now have sex without having to lie to the men or get the men drunk enough that the men think they have had vaginal sex when they had anal. None of them seem to have retained any sexual pleasure after the operation.

It's an interesting book. And a lot better than my original assessment.
_________

So far so bad. Romanticsed rubbish about a couple of effeminate souls who think that bravery is in taking hormones, slagging off 'real' women as worn-out looking after a baby and not as beautiful as them anyway, then becoming prostitutes and ripping off straight guys. That is just from tales of two characters I am supposed to empathise with in the first two chapters. I hope the stories and the writing improve and that the author drops her reverence towards other cultures attitude just because they are other cultures. Reverence, like respect, should be earned.

[Kiezin Teng · Rating 3 out of 5]

When reading a collection of stories, we can choose to think about the book as a sum of the individual stories, or to think about the narrative stringing these stories together. And unfortunately, for this book, the narrative is much more interesting (and thought provoking) than the individual stories.

As stories read together, this book offers us a peep into the lives of the ladyboys through their own words. We know, briefly, the story of these ladyboys - how it was like growing up, when did they start being aware of their sexuality (and gender issues), the operation (if there was), and what life is like now. And through this method of story telling, we are introduced to 9 lady boys, from the famous Nong Toom, the beautiful boxer, Auntie Nong, the ageing dancer, and to 7 other lady boys.

The simple story arc, however, does not do justice to these individuals because it leaves the reader wanting. Wanting to know more about their trials and tribulations, the emotions that these individuals go through beyond feeling rejected, and all the finer details in their stories that we are left out of. Without all these layers in the stories, each “chapter” feels like a repetition of the previous chapter, because arguably, people's lives are pretty similar to one another.

What piqued my interest however was the bigger narrative behind these stories - the social dimension/pressure of fitting in with older kathoeys, and the conservatism of Thailand.

It might come as a surprise to some, but Thailand is a conservative country. Behind all the glitzy neon lights in the Patpong district of Bangkok, the beaches of Pattaya, is a country still deeply rooted in traditions - something that the tourist to Bangkok will not even begin to suspect. In Thailand, there is a still a huge population of people who are living in rural areas where gender roles are still very much expected to be followed; not doing so brings shame to the family and that is something that most Thais would not consider doing. This conservatism comes through policies as well - individuals who have gone through gender realignment surgery is not officially recognised as the gender he/she has become post-surgery.

And so when someone young realises that he or she does not fit into the prescribed gender roles, we see much anxiety and agony growing up. They have to withstand constant bullying and name-calling from others, and this can often lead to disastrous outcome, such as severe depression and teenage suicide - something very prevalent amongst individuals with gender identity disorder.

What is interesting here is the comfort that the older kathoeys provide to the struggling teenage protagonists. The older kathoeys are seen as beacons of hope - individuals who can navigate the maze of everyday realities, individuals who made it in the difficult road of life, and someone to provide emotional support. But what I also got out of the book, is that these older kathoeys create a sense social pressure for the young protagonists to become one of them. They have essentially “judged” and determined that they are one of the ladyboys.

It is somewhat disturbing to read words coming from the older kathoeys, suggesting that the younger individual should embrace his inner woman and go for a gender realignment surgery. And indeed all of the protagonist in this book who went for the surgery did so with the support/pressure from the older kathoeys. Some felt that it was the best thing to have happened, one regretted it.

And it got me thinking, once again, on the fluidity, and the non fluidity of sexuality; and that of gender identity. Having read psychology as one of my majors in college, the effects of Gender Identity Disorder is something that I know of, and to that end, I actively try to educate others about it - that it is a real issue that causes severe trauma to individuals. It is not something as simple as a person suddenly waking up one day and decides to be of another gender.

But through the stories here, I am confronted with the fact that there are a lot of social pressures within the transgendered community in Thailand to go for surgery - it is about status, and not about psychological wellbeing. What drives some of these individuals is the glamour of the community hanging out together.

This makes me wonder, is this the “secret world of Thailand’s third gender”, as the title suggests? If only the book would give us more than what it does

[Andie C · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this a really sad book to read. The stories detailed very tough lives of some very strong women (ladyboys / kathoeys). Unfortunately, the stories were very repetitive and there was no social history or commentary on the existence or significance of ladyboys in Thai culture, to support or give context to their stories, which I was expecting.
The stories seem to be told/ written by the kathoeys themselves and they are not written that well. There also seems to be no order to the stories. It's a collection of chapter sized memoirs. I wanted more commentary I suppose.

[Bora · Rating 4 out of 5]

I watched a ladyboy show in Bangkok and have been fascinated with them ever since. In fact, one of the performers I saw there had her story featured in the book. The book is a collection of stories from ladyboys in all walks of life - from the prostitute to the performer, entrepreneur and even a Muay Thai boxer. After a few stories, you hear a lot of the same emotions so the stories start to mesh together and because it's been translated, you hear the same voice through the different stories. I don't give the book 4 stars based on its writing but based on what it attempts to do, which is to show that ladyboys aren't simply this 1 group of people, they are all different and exist in different aspects of society and despite what's known to foreigners - and that is, that ladyboys are well accepted in Thai society - there is a lot that we don't see.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much I was ready to start over on page one again as soon as I finished it. It paints an exciting picture of each interviewee's life, and there are pictures of each narrator so you really feel like you connect with them. It's just beautifully written, a fast and exciting read, and although it's a rather thick paperback, and leaves you feeling impressed with the kathoey's courage and more understanding of their situation in general.

[Ying · Rating 4 out of 5]

maybe i will always remember the day and night i spent in pattaya. i've never imagine that i can arrive a city that so compatible with those unique people's real heart.

the travel to thai leave a deep impression on me, i love the passion of pattaya ,love the night full of neon light and street full of people who drunk and tempt to date with prostitute. they make a print that show the open and instinct attitude of human.in everyday life, we all wear mask to pretend ourself a good look and better figure.but in night of pattaya, no one will mask himself anymore. the desire for sex lead everyone to the instinct mind which is different from the day.

my most favorite part of this travel is the ladyboys on the oriental princess ship. i never imagine there are boys who can become women so thoroughly. they all seems like the born beauty.you won't believe that the most beautiful women in thai are men. i was astonished about the beautiful ladies in my sight. and have a strong feeling to get closer to them or make friends with them. There are many people making changes to adapt to the environment ,but finally then get sad and hurt. So I'm really shocked by the ladyboys' passion for life.They are people that they ought be.

after my travel, i bought this book about ladyboys on amazon and read it.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this while I was in Thailand. Pretty interesting. It's a series of first-hand accounts of ladyboys. There are great patterns and surprises. A little graphic at times, which is to be expected. It's amazing how many worlds and cultures exist alongside our own (even in our own cities) without our always realizing it.

[Kym · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting first hand account of the ladyboys of Thailand. Each story is different providing a direct account of each boys life and experiences. I certainly learnt more than I previously knew.

[Marie-Therese · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting book and the individual oral histories are illuminating and often quite touching, but I was disappointed there wasn't more context (historical, sociological, anthropological) offered by the editors. There is nothing here to help the reader understand the historical background of kathoey, the economic and social experiences of the ladyboys interviewed, or even why these particular individuals were chosen (beyond some of them having been employed by the same clubs in Patpong).

Many, if not most, of the women featured here come from great poverty but there is no real acknowledgment from the editors that this is the case, and there seems to be no effort made on their part to find kathoey in other social strata or to examine how poverty and social class might shape how individual kathoey and kathoey as a gender are viewed. Are kathoey from higher economic classes simply viewed as "women" or do they not exist as a defined group at all? Are there housewife kathoey, office worker kathoey, school teacher kathoey, etc. or do contemporary Thai social mores insist that these women be confined to the entertainment, hospitality, and sex work professions? You won't find answers to any of these questions in this book, because none of these questions is ever broached by the editors and the women interviewed are all from a relatively narrow social and geographical group.

These women have opened themselves up and courageously offered their stories to the editors and to us; I think it's a real shame the editors did not do more to help give them a specific voice and place within Thai society.

[Neil Hodgson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ladyboys is a wonderful, exposition of the many varied lives of Thai kathoeys. On a visit to Bangkok you will undoubtedly meet several ladyboys whether as waitresses in bars, staff in fashion and makeup shops or in the more stereotypical go go bars of Nana plaza, Soi Cowboy etc. It appears that Thailand is wonderfully tolerant in its approach to these third gender people and in these days of LGBT rights and liberal awareness Thailand seems so accepting compared even to liberal western countries. You soon realise on reading this book that this is rarely the case and that many of the protagonists have suffered homophobic bullying, oppression from their own close relatives and violence just because they have decided, courageously in many cases, to live in their own true identity. The editors, Susan Aldous and Porchai Sereemongkonpol have allowed the book to appear as a series of separate monologues from where each person tells their own story. The writing is wonderfully simple and you can almost hear the ladies speak to you as they tell their own story. Many are from rural areas where males showing feminine characteristics are considered outcasts and they have to hide their identity before inevitably travelling to Bangkok which as a classic primate city in an essentially rural country draws people to it. Transgender people are able to live openly, in social groupings and look after each other. Some work in prostitution, some as go go dancers, but others are successful business women, cabin crew and even a Muay Thai boxer. I was fascinated to learn how many different stages of being trans there are from those who grow their hair and cross dress, to those who take hormones, some then have breast implants and others get the penis removed entirely for an an artificial vagina. One goes the full way in one go, getting breast implants and vagina construction all in one operation. The key message I think is that once out and able to live as they want to they achieve satisfaction and happiness. The measures they have taken are very personal, some feeling that they cannot live with a penis, others are satisfied with hormone therapy. Few seem to be able to achieve permanent loving relationships however who can? I learnt a lot from this book and would recommend it to anyone trying to understand transgender people better or for anyone who wants to get deeper into Thai culture where ladyboys seem to be more prominent than many other countries.

[Adnamy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a series of biographies of Thai ladyboys who tell you why when and how they became what they became.
It is simply written and seems truthful. Did it give an insight into the phenomenon?
I am not sure 🤔. It is worth reading particularly today as things have changed so much from 2007.
And this book definitely gave me an insight into how and possibly why things have developed as they have in 2024 when things have opened up so much and this issue in some ways affects us all.

[Danial Tanvir · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was just brilliant and I loved it!.
I bought it from a small book shop in Bangkok, Thailand!.
it is actually about the third gender , about lady boys in Thailand.
it is a collection of short stories about lady boys who get their gender changed and its about how they sell their body and is all about sex.
its all about how these lady boys get their sex changed by taking hormones etc.
it is based in Thailand!.
I have been to Thailand around 7 times and I loved this book as I could relate to all the places and it wants me to go back to Bangkok and rock the dance floor!.
this was one of the best book I have read on this topic.
as a matter of fact , I read this book two times in a couple of days time and I cant get enough of it,
it revolves around the lives of lady boys and about how they live and operate!.
I recommend it to people and really to those who have been to Thailand!.

[Francis Franklin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a collection of life stories of ladyboys, described by the authors as 'a personal venture into humanity'.

The book is well written and an easy read, and importantly it's a very human look at a group of people who struggle daily with something that the rest of us take for granted. Some are prostitutes, some are dancers, some are other. Some are religious. Some are educated. Some have come to terms with who they are.

It is a cruel twist of biological fate when your body and mind disagree about your gender, in a world that (by and large) fears any deviation from traditional gender roles.

[Hmmp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Touching stories about difficult lives. Variety of different personalities and careers was eye-opening. It was also surprising how all of them strongly identified themselves as females, as opposed to gender discussion in western world where wider range of genders or positions between male and female are defended to be needed.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting and engaging read, yet many questionable choices on behalf of the authors and editors seem to muddle the true spirit of the stories being told. This book is meant to be a non-academic outlet for Thai individuals assigned male at birth to share their life journeys in their “own” words.

By not being a literal translation, each story is susceptible to the author’s translation choices and writing style. The whole book is virtually void of vernacular or slang, and general translations were prioritized over specifics. In LGBTQ+ writing, the smallest of word/phrase substitutions can heavily change the meaning of the original speaker. It seems much authenticity was lost for the sake of readability.

It is also obvious that neither author is closely connected to the community that this book is about. This disconnection leads to (hopefully) unintended insensitivity. The authors do use correct pronouns, but constantly use the terms “ladyboy” and “kathoey” that multiple women state are offensive. Wouldn’t it be more respectful to acknowledge each woman’s preferred classification? Making this sacrifice for a catchy title comes off poorly.

The introduction is also littered with judgmental word choices, and the captions of some photos of the women are odd. A photo of the lovable Lily is captioned, "...the innocent-looking Lily earns a living by offering not-so-innocent massages." If they decided to make such a contemptuous caption, how can I trust they made good choices retelling each woman’s story?

Overall, the authors seem ignorant to details that make a big difference when discussing sex, gender, and culture. The stories are still wonderful to read, but I don’t trust that they fully represented them in their truest spirit. Only the women in the book could say if their words were expressed properly, and some may be happy to have them expressed at all, but the authors should have prioritized authentic storytelling over showcasing their writing skills. An enjoyable read, but I would take it with a grain of salt.

[Deepam Gupta · Rating 2 out of 5]

This memoir did not meet my expectations. This is a collection of stories of individual ladyboys and their life. This book heavily focuses on their stories without providing a lot of context of why did they go ahead with these stories. There are common themes between these stories, where they come from a poor background, however, I found these themes repetitive. I also did not like that these stories lacked commentary from the authors. It is an ok and short read. The book mentions that the majority of them are sex workers or in the entertainment industry, but why is it so? The authors do not analyze anything. There are some controversial actions that the ladyboys commit, however, they are just mentioned and not commented or analyzed. It might be an unpopular opinion, but the stories are presented in the view of gaining sympathy. I believe, even an LGBTQ person has several shades and in order to do justice as an individual, all shades need to present. Many movies and books present these characters as people with a difficult childhood, but I believe their gender identity and sexuality is a minor; albeit an important part of their identity. They are much more than that.

[Lord William Graham · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a wonderful try on revealing the world of the third genders living in Thailand. As a homosexual, I won't regard myself as a kathoey or a ladyboy, while most gay-gay, from my point of view, regard ourselves as biological male in the very first beginning. The book reveals lives of ladyboys in different aspects from different lives of different persons. While the central point is how difficult to live like that. That's not some issues of same-sexuality marriage, but the freedom to choose who you are as a human-being.

[Elke DP · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is a collection of stories, therefore you cannot really call this 'bad'. However, it is not exactly what the title or backpage promises. Although I do value the personal life stories, like so many others have mentioned in their reviews, I missed some background, numbers, analysis, sociological and historical research. In between the lines you could get a broader picture, but it was contradictory as well...

[Phoenix Adams · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this in Thailand as I was interested in the culture and wanted to learn more. I saw this book for sale in Chiang Mai and later downloaded it. It was good overall, but I found the medical descriptions very hard to endure. I have an appreciation for what these women go through. I am so glad to be able to know more about their culture and what they go through to be accepted and accept themselves.

[Julie de la Kethulle de Ryhove · Rating 4 out of 5]

Picked it up on holidays in Thailand really help me to get better understanding of the ladyboy aspects and i found the fascinating book. I've already lent it out to two friends who want to read it as well after hearing my review. I read this to help me empathize with ladyboys, and missio' accomplished: i came away with lots of respect for ladyboys and an expanded mind.

[Yaakov Bressler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Touching stories from trans women across Thailand, revealing their struggles, joys, dreams, and essentially, humanity.

One particular story stuck out to me (which i’ll never forget), a woman who has nothing, she has happiness >> she dreams for love, and without dreams what do we have? Gave me a lot to think about, that I should dream more and wish for the best to happen to me.

[Veena Singh · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was alright. I expected more, i was captivated by some, but then found some errors and repetition. I wanted to read more of their lived realities and experiences. I wanted to know more about their day-to day life. What were some enabling factors to success and also disabling factors.

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

At first I was hoping for something more academic, but eventually have come to appreciate these personal stories told by those who have lived them. In fact a common theme is a lack of being heard or seen in any meaningful way, so this book works beautifully to combat that.

[Eden Simmons · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow.
This book is honestly heartbreaking. These people’s stories are ones of abuse, pressure from family and community, searching, and ultimately- not complete fulfillment. I really loved the way the author arranged the stories, and I am beyond grateful for the perspective it gave.
Although this book was definitely explicit at times, I think it gave a really accurate picture into what life is like for these individuals, especially working in sex work it can get really graphic really quick. I would still recommend this book for sure, but be prepared to have your heart shattered.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting and a bit of a sad read about the lives of several Thai ladyboys. They talk about the life that they had and the one that they have chosen and their story along with all their frustration and hopes. I really enjoyed it.

[Colin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Apparently all ladyboys are massive man whores. Best quote of the book: "The fact that I have a penis makes me less marketable because men generally want women with vaginas."

[Danica Martinez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an engrossing, fascinating book. The stories are told from a first person perspective, and greatly humanized the subject.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

A real eye-opener and very sad as most of the people whose stories were told in this book ended up in the sex/entertainment industry.

[Jason · Rating 3 out of 5]

In their own words. Illuminating.

[Mustafa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chilling and a little depressing accounts of what some men go through to bring out their feminine side