The Last Lone Wolf: Recovering the lost sacrament of friendship

by Derrick Steele

Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. Zoom. Never in the history of mankind have we possessed so many tools that allow us to stay connected to the world and the people around us.
And Yet never have we experienced so much loneliness.
How is this possible?
Much of the reason is that we have exchanged quality for quantity, thinking that simply knowing more and more people will somehow assauge our deep longing for intimacy, for connection, for soulmates who we can count on to walk with us through all the adventures of a lifetime. Unfortunately, it never works, because God did not create us for shallow relationships. He created us to be KNOWN, valued, appreciated, delighted in -- all the things that we experience when we are with our oldest and dearest friends. Most Christians don’t know that God’s extravagant goodness towards us extends to His desire to fill our lives with deep, satisfying, lifelong friendships, friendships that will in turn transform us, and ultimately change the world. Do we believe it? Do we have the courage to seek out these relationships and invest ourselves in making them all that they could be?

282 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 22, 2022

Reviews

[Sharolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where to begin? Derrick Steele, my old classmate from college, has written a deeply important reflection every pastor or lay person should read and contemplate. Somehow he has put into words the very sentiment I’ve felt toward the American church and the cry of my heart for deep friendship that for me as well goes all the way back to my college years. I believe I cried nearly every day of my freshman year for lack of a “bosom friend” I had hoped to find during orientation week. Those four years I have called my “crucible” as the Lord used them to refine my relationship with Him first and foremost. But I never thought my feelings on friendship and my dissatisfaction with the American church experience in the years since were anything anyone else understood - until I read this book. It is clearly focused on the need for male friendship in a culture that has sidelined men and their role increasingly over the years. I fear many have simply gone into hiding for fear of taking one more hit. But the need crosses all ages and stages, and women are definitely not immune. While we may be more relationally adept in some respects, the competitiveness that exists between girls from an early age until middle age is formidable indeed. A whole other book could be written on this subject. As a parent who devoted countless hours, prayer and effort to facilitating opportunity for my children to develop friendships that would carry into their adult years, another book on how to parent intentionally this way is needed as well. Something is amiss when we are so self focused we cannot see the impact one kind word, one invitation to connect, or effort to make sure those around us are not just seen but also desired to be known, can make. I pray this message finds good soil and begins to take root. I, for one, plan to pass a copy of this off to a pastor or two and hope they contemplate little ways they can encourage deeper friendship in their congregations. John 13:35 (NKJV) “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” What better evidence of love is there than true, authentic friendship?