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Revelation: A Memoir of Deep Family Secrets, Discovery, and Identity
Richard (Rick) Gary Kaye’s intimate memoir is a riveting story about a devastating family secret his parents perpetuated for over 60 years. At a Jewish fundraiser, advertised as a fun “DNA Reveal Dinner,” Rick and his sister Randye, were shocked to discover they are, in fact, half-siblings.
Within 48 hours, they learned the man they called Dad was not biologically related to either of them.
Revelation takes the reader on Rick’s emotional roller coaster as he wrestles with deception, secrets, and lifelong memories now seen through a new lens.
A burning need for the truth about his paternal medical history and ancestry sets off a yearlong quest to uncover the facts. He and his wife Annette became obsessive detectives to painstakingly unravel the mystery of Rick’s conception and find the identity of his biological father.
Did Rick’s mother have an affair, was she raped, or was there another explanation? Those questions were just the start. With only the tiniest of clues but great perseverance, puzzle pieces began to connect, gradually revealing a secretive world of anonymous sperm donation in the 1950s.
Follow Rick and Annette on this fascinating journey and see how they ultimately solved the mystery that affected over 30 families and changed their lives forever.
Rick’s story was reported in the Wall Street Journal and he was interviewed with Randye in an NPR Podcast “Think Before You Spit: The Pandora’s Box of DNA Testing.”
Within 48 hours, they learned the man they called Dad was not biologically related to either of them.
Revelation takes the reader on Rick’s emotional roller coaster as he wrestles with deception, secrets, and lifelong memories now seen through a new lens.
A burning need for the truth about his paternal medical history and ancestry sets off a yearlong quest to uncover the facts. He and his wife Annette became obsessive detectives to painstakingly unravel the mystery of Rick’s conception and find the identity of his biological father.
Did Rick’s mother have an affair, was she raped, or was there another explanation? Those questions were just the start. With only the tiniest of clues but great perseverance, puzzle pieces began to connect, gradually revealing a secretive world of anonymous sperm donation in the 1950s.
Follow Rick and Annette on this fascinating journey and see how they ultimately solved the mystery that affected over 30 families and changed their lives forever.
Rick’s story was reported in the Wall Street Journal and he was interviewed with Randye in an NPR Podcast “Think Before You Spit: The Pandora’s Box of DNA Testing.”
- GenresNonfiction
300 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 5, 2022
396 people are currently reading
241 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
August 9, 2022
Loved this! Courageous, personal, fascinating page-turner! The authors take the reader on an engaging journey to find the origin of Richard (Rick) Kaye’s biological father. At the same, this mystery-solving quest packs in so much more. Filled with raw emotion and sprinkled with humor, anecdotes from Rick’s youth and stories about his parental relationship ride a fine line between entertaining and surprising.
At this book’s core is the shocking revelation from a DNA test that his heritage is not what he knew it to be throughout his entire life, and what to do with that information.
There are the big questions, “Who is my biological father, and why did my parents take this secret to their graves? Were there any clues?” Rick’s and Annette Schwarz Kaye’s seemingly impossible research slowly begins to reap answers. It’s not only remarkable what they find, but how Rick and Annette went about finding it. It’s like an education in relentless pursuit, a mastery of clever “connect-the-dots” findings, and what persistence can achieve. Without giving too much away, there’s a most satisfying not-to-missed ending.
This story, I found, will not only stick with you, but underscores the power of knowing where you came from and the meaning of family.
At this book’s core is the shocking revelation from a DNA test that his heritage is not what he knew it to be throughout his entire life, and what to do with that information.
There are the big questions, “Who is my biological father, and why did my parents take this secret to their graves? Were there any clues?” Rick’s and Annette Schwarz Kaye’s seemingly impossible research slowly begins to reap answers. It’s not only remarkable what they find, but how Rick and Annette went about finding it. It’s like an education in relentless pursuit, a mastery of clever “connect-the-dots” findings, and what persistence can achieve. Without giving too much away, there’s a most satisfying not-to-missed ending.
This story, I found, will not only stick with you, but underscores the power of knowing where you came from and the meaning of family.
November 22, 2022
Revelation is a riveting personal account of the unraveling of a well-kept family secret, and the resulting mystery solved of one man’s true origins. As told by authors Rick and Annette Kaye, what began as a fun social inquiry into their Jewish heritage, provided a shocking Revelation that would send them on an investigative journey. What they uncovered was profound, unlocking the answers to many life-long questions, while simultaneously providing quandaries of the meaning of family and true belonging. Most notable of the enormously unanticipated conundrums of this discovery, was the particularly challenging moral dilemma of discerning what to do with this information as it pertained to other unsuspecting ‘strangers’. You will thoroughly enjoy this touching story.
May 31, 2023
I give the author credit for his tenacity & getting good results, however, I did find him to be a bit arrogant, the parents that raised him he degraded somewhat, who has the perfect parents? They fed & clothed him, raised him. I come from a family of 12 & did not expect "special" treatment or a free ride. He got good results with families of his biological father but he sure pushed their buttons. Book is an interesting story but too self serving for my taste. One thing I want to add, I understand him dodging the draft so to speak during the very unpopular Vietnam war, if you lived in Israel, you would have to serve at that age. I also want to address his comments on politics, my guess he is a fan of braindead Biden who wouldn't help Israel ever
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August 11, 2022
The Grateful Dead expressed it best when they said What A Long Strange Trip It’s Been. This memoir which is narrated by Rick Kaye as he takes us through his childhood and life as a student, son, sibling, engineer, husband, father and grandfather. When he takes a DNA test, his life is turned upside down after receiving the results. It is a story that includes detective work, resilience, diplomacy and a search for a better understanding of his true self. A real page turner.
August 9, 2023
An elitist memoir
This book is gratuitous memoir from two people who seem to have no awareness of their privilege, rendering the plot thin.
This book is gratuitous memoir from two people who seem to have no awareness of their privilege, rendering the plot thin.
April 1, 2023
This was a good book about what happens when you do DNA and discover the man you grew up believing was your father isn't your biological father. In this case the author was conceived via donor insemination. Donor insemination became increasingly common during the 1950's and it was common practice for the child to never be told. Now, with so many people doing DNA testing the truth is coming out.
The author also eloquently writes about the deep emotional shock it is to find out that you aren't the ethnicity you were raised to believe you are. This is especially true when you've been raised Jewish and it's such a core part of your identity. To find out you're only half Jewish can do a number on you.
One thing I found interesting was the reason he did DNA testing. His synogogue was having a fundraising event with My Heritage, one of the DNA testing companies. About 80 temple members signed up, tested, and then a genealogist from Israel made a presentation about DNA and presented some interesting facts from the group who had tested, such as several members being 3 to 5 cousins. The author and his wife had opted out of the matching part of the testing but they had received their results and that is how the author learned he was only about half Jewish, as was his sister. I wonder how many other groups did DNA testing as part of a fundraising event, I'd never heard of it.
I would pair reading this with Dani Shapiro's book, Inheritance, which I read a few years ago.
The author also eloquently writes about the deep emotional shock it is to find out that you aren't the ethnicity you were raised to believe you are. This is especially true when you've been raised Jewish and it's such a core part of your identity. To find out you're only half Jewish can do a number on you.
One thing I found interesting was the reason he did DNA testing. His synogogue was having a fundraising event with My Heritage, one of the DNA testing companies. About 80 temple members signed up, tested, and then a genealogist from Israel made a presentation about DNA and presented some interesting facts from the group who had tested, such as several members being 3 to 5 cousins. The author and his wife had opted out of the matching part of the testing but they had received their results and that is how the author learned he was only about half Jewish, as was his sister. I wonder how many other groups did DNA testing as part of a fundraising event, I'd never heard of it.
I would pair reading this with Dani Shapiro's book, Inheritance, which I read a few years ago.
November 22, 2022
Revelation is a riveting personal account of the unraveling of a well-kept family secret, and the resulting mystery solved of one man’s true origins. As told by authors Rick and Annette Kaye, what began as a fun social inquiry into their Jewish heritage, provided a shocking Revelation that would send them on an investigative journey. What they uncovered was profound, unlocking the answers to many life-long questions, while simultaneously providing quandaries of the meaning of family and true belonging. Most notable of the enormously unanticipated conundrums of this discovery, was the particularly challenging moral dilemma of discerning what to do with this information as it pertained to other unsuspecting ‘strangers’. You will thoroughly enjoy this touching story.
March 25, 2023
I learned about this book from a friend who received info about an upcoming zoom in which the authors are featured. I read the book in one night, and was incredibly pleased to learn that the feelings I have experienced my entire life were not unusual, and that I had shared many of the same experiences as other sperm-donor babies. I am not alone!
This book is a MUST READ for anyone questioning their parentage, and definitely for children of sperm or egg donors. It is well-written and informative, and provides guidance for others like us seeking answers. Thank you Rick, Annette, and Randy Kaye for bravely sharing your life with all of us!
This book is a MUST READ for anyone questioning their parentage, and definitely for children of sperm or egg donors. It is well-written and informative, and provides guidance for others like us seeking answers. Thank you Rick, Annette, and Randy Kaye for bravely sharing your life with all of us!
February 26, 2023
If you're looking for a read that captures vulnerability, illustrates delicate family dynamics, but tells a beautiful story using a relatable and engaging blue print, this checks your boxes. Richard and Annette gift the reader a very peeled back chronology of their journey to essentially solve the mystery of Rick's genealogy. While plenty of science is weaved into the story, the reader gets a substantial story line made up of engaging vignettes of love, uncertainty, fear, and shock. A wonderful read for readers of any and all interests!
April 7, 2023
Great Book
Well written, honest, heart-felt, moving. So glad Isn't read it! It seems amazing to me that the secret practice of using anonymous sperm donors in the 40's and 50's actually occurred without understanding the implications to the children and families. It's so obvious that you can't hide genetics and genetics play a huge part in the make up and formation of children and adults.
Well written, honest, heart-felt, moving. So glad Isn't read it! It seems amazing to me that the secret practice of using anonymous sperm donors in the 40's and 50's actually occurred without understanding the implications to the children and families. It's so obvious that you can't hide genetics and genetics play a huge part in the make up and formation of children and adults.
May 5, 2023
Great read !
Selected this book from Kindle choices . I only read nonfiction and t.
his sounded very interesting. Read entire book in one day! Very easy to read and was well written..
Selected this book from Kindle choices . I only read nonfiction and t.
his sounded very interesting. Read entire book in one day! Very easy to read and was well written..
July 24, 2023
Would You Want To Know?
This was a really interesting personal story from someone who decided to dive into his DNA history. Although initially shocked, he ultimately reconciled that his family father is different than his biological father. How can this be? And yet, the story unravels. So intriguing, who are these people you call parents?
Would you want to know? Yes, I think so? I give this book 4.5.
This was a really interesting personal story from someone who decided to dive into his DNA history. Although initially shocked, he ultimately reconciled that his family father is different than his biological father. How can this be? And yet, the story unravels. So intriguing, who are these people you call parents?
Would you want to know? Yes, I think so? I give this book 4.5.
February 5, 2023
This was a very easy and interesting read…probably because genealogy and DNA interest me. The authors are very detailed w/ their investigations into solving their DNA mysteries. Good read.
March 14, 2023
I couldn't put it down! A well written and interesting story that just kept getting more and more fascinating with every new page.
May 20, 2023
Well worth reading for anyone with surprise DNA results
Rick and Annette have given many insights into the effect on their lives, from beginning to end, from discovering a parent isn't your parent, identifying that unknown parent, contacting living relatives, and how it changed them. This book is intelligently written without blame and the overwhelming emotion found in some of these stories. Not everyone has a happy ending but it does happen. I highly recommend it.
Rick and Annette have given many insights into the effect on their lives, from beginning to end, from discovering a parent isn't your parent, identifying that unknown parent, contacting living relatives, and how it changed them. This book is intelligently written without blame and the overwhelming emotion found in some of these stories. Not everyone has a happy ending but it does happen. I highly recommend it.
January 28, 2024
new siblings
This is a sincere and well thought out message of finding the results of taking the DNA tests. It’s been my belief that any child who has heard “Where did you come from” from your family will relate to these findings.
This is a sincere and well thought out message of finding the results of taking the DNA tests. It’s been my belief that any child who has heard “Where did you come from” from your family will relate to these findings.
December 21, 2023
Riveting.
February 28, 2024
very good analysis of he geology
The writer captures the essence of finding out one’s true biological parent without causing trauma and understanding who and why he is who he is
The writer captures the essence of finding out one’s true biological parent without causing trauma and understanding who and why he is who he is
May 23, 2024
Great Story!
It is wonderful that these siblings were able to figure out their story and are willing to share it. So many others will benefit from hearing your story. Thanks!
It is wonderful that these siblings were able to figure out their story and are willing to share it. So many others will benefit from hearing your story. Thanks!
June 22, 2023
Surprisingly Good
This was an extraordinary read! It opens your mind to life and the fact that everything isn't as it seems! It also proves that you should never assume.
This was an extraordinary read! It opens your mind to life and the fact that everything isn't as it seems! It also proves that you should never assume.
September 23, 2023
Interesting book
At times one wonders about what would I do in a situation like this. Would I want to know the skeleton in the closet or not? Great idea for future reference.
At times one wonders about what would I do in a situation like this. Would I want to know the skeleton in the closet or not? Great idea for future reference.
April 30, 2023
enjoyed this very much
Starts a little slow, but then gets very interesting and becomes a page turner.
Well worth the read. Gives a lot of insight into privacy and dna.
Starts a little slow, but then gets very interesting and becomes a page turner.
Well worth the read. Gives a lot of insight into privacy and dna.
February 7, 2024
Amazing story. A must read for anyone interested in ancestral research
As the mother of in vitro twins conceived by artificial insemination I was blown away by the amazing research done in this book It's so worth reading. Great lessons in researching your ancestry. Honest and moving search to find out who Richard's parents really were.
As the mother of in vitro twins conceived by artificial insemination I was blown away by the amazing research done in this book It's so worth reading. Great lessons in researching your ancestry. Honest and moving search to find out who Richard's parents really were.
December 30, 2023
DNA Research Reveals Unexpected “Biodad”
Mini-Review
A man inadvertently discovers that he is not related to the “Dad” who raised him. With both his parents deceased, he feels angry at the deception. He begins to mine DNA data, recollections of relatives, and documentary evidence. Although long deceased, the “biodad” is definitely identified and a flock of half-siblings emerges.
Pro:
This is an interesting and believable parent discovery story told in enough detail to be satisfying to genealogy enthusiasts.
The ways in which the author did not “fit” with his parents were described very well, with compelling examples.
The point is effectively conveyed that everyone has the right to accurate information about their biological parents, even if a parent is a sperm donor.
Con:
There were too few photographs. Possibly this is because the newly discovered family members were not identified with their actual names.
The author, in my opinion, was inappropriately aggressive and forward when communicating with potential relatives. I know from personal experience that a very light touch and extreme courtesy are essential when contacting DNA matches who are complete strangers.
The author did not acknowledge that there are professional DNA genealogists, such as those employed by ancestry.com, who could have solved this author’s mystery much, much faster. He implies that it took many, many hours of laborious searching through records and it was due to his determination and sheer luck that he was successful. In fact, an expert could have done it readily based on the DNA matching data and other online data sources.
Bottom line:
A very interesting case study with some unusual twists. Worth reading if you enjoy DNA detective work.
Mini-Review
A man inadvertently discovers that he is not related to the “Dad” who raised him. With both his parents deceased, he feels angry at the deception. He begins to mine DNA data, recollections of relatives, and documentary evidence. Although long deceased, the “biodad” is definitely identified and a flock of half-siblings emerges.
Pro:
This is an interesting and believable parent discovery story told in enough detail to be satisfying to genealogy enthusiasts.
The ways in which the author did not “fit” with his parents were described very well, with compelling examples.
The point is effectively conveyed that everyone has the right to accurate information about their biological parents, even if a parent is a sperm donor.
Con:
There were too few photographs. Possibly this is because the newly discovered family members were not identified with their actual names.
The author, in my opinion, was inappropriately aggressive and forward when communicating with potential relatives. I know from personal experience that a very light touch and extreme courtesy are essential when contacting DNA matches who are complete strangers.
The author did not acknowledge that there are professional DNA genealogists, such as those employed by ancestry.com, who could have solved this author’s mystery much, much faster. He implies that it took many, many hours of laborious searching through records and it was due to his determination and sheer luck that he was successful. In fact, an expert could have done it readily based on the DNA matching data and other online data sources.
Bottom line:
A very interesting case study with some unusual twists. Worth reading if you enjoy DNA detective work.
October 9, 2024
New family
A great outline of a "new" family!. How many others are there who don't know? So interesting to be given the chance to know of these occurances!
A great outline of a "new" family!. How many others are there who don't know? So interesting to be given the chance to know of these occurances!
May 21, 2023
Excellent story.
Although my life has only been touched somewhat by a "newbie" first cousin and her three children, I always knew exactly where I came from. I'm a ringing endorsement of both my genetic parent and full brother. I knew my cousin's family well and could help her seek out and learn more than she did when she first encountered us. He addition to my entire family is now a given and no longer a good guess. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, tho, on its ow. Rick is a natural writer and his story is a gift to all of us. He has given new meaning to a gentle soul. I sort of started this book by mistake, then once the mystery took over, I simply could not stop!
Although my life has only been touched somewhat by a "newbie" first cousin and her three children, I always knew exactly where I came from. I'm a ringing endorsement of both my genetic parent and full brother. I knew my cousin's family well and could help her seek out and learn more than she did when she first encountered us. He addition to my entire family is now a given and no longer a good guess. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, tho, on its ow. Rick is a natural writer and his story is a gift to all of us. He has given new meaning to a gentle soul. I sort of started this book by mistake, then once the mystery took over, I simply could not stop!
May 20, 2023
Wordy but fascinating
I was not sure I would like this book. At the beginning it seemed a bit whiney. But as I got into it, I could not wait for the next revelation. It was a very interesting journey of discovery with many ethical questions posed about the pros and cons of in-vitro fertilization and how secret to keep the fact. In the late 1940's and early 1950's, this was pioneer territory. I do think a good editor could have pared down the repetitive verbiage. It is sad Rick's sister did not have the same happy ending...to date.
I was not sure I would like this book. At the beginning it seemed a bit whiney. But as I got into it, I could not wait for the next revelation. It was a very interesting journey of discovery with many ethical questions posed about the pros and cons of in-vitro fertilization and how secret to keep the fact. In the late 1940's and early 1950's, this was pioneer territory. I do think a good editor could have pared down the repetitive verbiage. It is sad Rick's sister did not have the same happy ending...to date.
September 14, 2022
This is an amazing story that reads like fiction. I had to keep reminding myself that this really happened to someone that I know. I give Rick a lot of credit for exposing himself raw to the world in what had to be a tough book to write. The collaboration between husband and wife on this is an amazing story of love and loyalty.
It is a scary thought to think that the man you grew up calling dad was not your biological father. The fact that his parents kept that secret til their death is unimaginable and heartbreaking. Rick has an incredibly upbeat outlook and welcomes the news of his half siblings with excitement, and lots of nervousness that make total sense. This is not an easy story to tell, and I appreciated hearing all of the details of the journey and felt like I was with him each step of the way.
It is a scary thought to think that the man you grew up calling dad was not your biological father. The fact that his parents kept that secret til their death is unimaginable and heartbreaking. Rick has an incredibly upbeat outlook and welcomes the news of his half siblings with excitement, and lots of nervousness that make total sense. This is not an easy story to tell, and I appreciated hearing all of the details of the journey and felt like I was with him each step of the way.
September 3, 2023
more genealogy
This book was fascinating to me because I love genealogy and the search for family info. I once “came alert” on the computer and it was 3 AM!
This is genealogy of a different source. The writer, through DNA, finds out his dad is not his bio dad. And his sister has a different bio dad. This book tells the journey of finding out that his sperm donor came through artificial insemination and how he found who that sperm donor was, finally, and all the half siblings he found through DNA. Fascinating!
This book was fascinating to me because I love genealogy and the search for family info. I once “came alert” on the computer and it was 3 AM!
This is genealogy of a different source. The writer, through DNA, finds out his dad is not his bio dad. And his sister has a different bio dad. This book tells the journey of finding out that his sperm donor came through artificial insemination and how he found who that sperm donor was, finally, and all the half siblings he found through DNA. Fascinating!
January 29, 2023
Revelation is a true page turner that you can’t stop thinking about even after you’ve finished reading it!
Questions have come up (similar situations during the same timeframe) with acquaintances.
Questions have come up (similar situations during the same timeframe) with acquaintances.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews