This is the worst book I will ever read because I choose not to finish a future book with as horrid characterization, plot, writing, and pacing as this one. Like this book makes Ana Huang’s writing worthy of a Pulitzer prize (sorry to Ana for the random diss).
You may look through my goodreads and think why does she continue to read erotic romances when she has rated EVERY SINGLE ONE below two stars. Well, I decided it would be a cutesy ✨ idea to read an erotica where the female main character has the same name as me 🥹
And all I can say for reading my name in this manor…I kind of just disassociated because this Madeline is not ME Madeline, because the Madeline in this book is a fucking dumbass.
—Spoilers below—
The overall plot is good girl-Madeline x bad boy-Zane (who happens to be a tattoo artist and in the mob??). They meet at a bar, he makes his advances towards her (which was technically assault) they go their separate ways with just a kiss being shared. And then, surprise surprise they are next door neighbors 😧 blah blah blah they start fucking then they start dating. One night when taking her to his tattoo parlor (mind you the parlor is a front for the mob) they come in when the mob business is packing up some cocaine. They break up because he didn’t tell her he was in the mob, blah blah blah, she gets kidnapped by the mob. He saves her, kills two guys and brings her to the hospital. After she recovers they live happily ever after (btw he left the mob after the whole kidnapping fiasco).
Okay so we are clear on the plot. Great! Now let me go through the biggest issues I had with this book (mind you this is not everything, but just the highlights):
—Technical Issues—
The words déjà vu and touché just randomly being in a different font color from the rest of the text. It just made me think that the author didn’t know who to spell the words or didn’t have accents so she had to copy and paste the words into her document. It’s just weird that the color difference wasn’t changed in the editing process because it is a VERY obvious color difference. But considering how bad the book is there may have not been an editing process. Also, the indenting and double spacing would not be consistent on the same page which was…distracting.
—Characterization—
Genuinely the characterization was non-existent for Maddy. Like I just finished the book and all I could tell you about her is that she is a college student, she wished she had a car, she pissed herself at age 4, and she isn’t good at her economics class. Like that is it. She doesn’t have a personality other than being wishy washy and I guess a blonde bombshell for Zane. Now Zane has some more backstory, it’s boring and cliche, but it is a backstory. But they are both just a troupe, there is nothing special about their personalities or anything. Simply they are bad boy x good girl (which I don’t exactly know what makes Madeline a ‘good girl’ but I also don’t really care).
The only thing that Zane and Madeline seem to have in common is that just care about wanting to have sex with each other. I mean literally on page 17, Zane’s first thought of Madeline is,
“She’s fucking cute. And she’s got a pouty mouth and heart-shaped face that add to the innocent look. I’d love to see those lips wrapped around my cock.”
Like can we acknowledge a woman for her brains, her independence, her wit, at least something before this bullshit? But it’s not like Madeline is much better. She refers to Zane’s body (after seeing him jerk off through a window, because their bedrooms are parallel from each other in their condos) as, “…naked, hard, chiseled body and big, fat, fucking cock..”
this is just…🤦♀️ THEY DON’T HAVE ANY CHEMISTRY WITH EACH OTHER! And I this is just ONE of the many examples I could have written btw.
—Just cringe behavior—
- Madeline states she has to go (because she doesn’t want to have sex with Zane, but she also wants to get dicked down by him…it’s all very stupid but essentially she is scared that Zane is just going to use her body for sex and dump her after she gives it up) Zane then pins her against the wall. Instead of disgusting her the action turns her on and we get this incredible line, “‘Y-y-you’re not my daddy’,” genuinely wanted to kms after reading that.
- Zane states, “I almost had her in her kitchen. I’m surprised she let it get that far. She’s definitely losing her will to fight this.” Can we just not talk about sex in that manner? Like tf…
- Zane pushes Maddy up against her front door after she has brushed off his advances. Like again, this is technically assault.
- The day after having sex Madeline opens up to Zane about her fears and mentions guy’s cheating…and it’s just like, they just met. They both just had sex together for the first time. They are not exclusive, nor are they dating. So WHY DO WE GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT CHEATING!
- Madeline gets mad at Katie for pushing her to get with Zane after learning he was a part of the mob. She says that her friend should have protected her from him. Like how was she supposed to know that dumbass????
—The rampant misogyny—
Are we surprised to see a romance book with a “bad boy” that is described as blunt when he is actually just misogynistic. No! Here is the collection of moments:
- Zane refers to cosmos as “pussy drinks” and in turn Madeline gets turned on because Zane says the word pussy, ooooh shiver my timbers
- A dumbass character named Needles says literally after learning about her, “Madeline is the name of a bitch with a stick up her ass…” which I take personal offense towards, but also don’t talk about women in this manner (mind you this was written by two women).
- Madeline finally agrees to a date with Zane in which they are doing a movie night and watching Deadpool. And I kid you not Zane states, “I did my homework. I’ve got a funny movie she’s going to love, Deadpool. I heard the guy gets pegged though, not sure how I feel about that.” Like what lol?? What does that have to do with anything?
—Bad writing, and or the miscellaneous category—
- The ex-boyfriend’s name is Zach (that apparently did Maddy really dirty) and that is just way too close to Zane. Like get creative…
- Zane asks where Madeline and Katie (her roommate) live in town (since they are newcomers) and she literally gives him an address, it is a fake one. But am I the only one that thinks if a strange man asks you where you live in town you just say a general area not give him your fucking address??
- While moving into their condo Madeline makes the comment that she is glad she isn’t moving all of the boxes in the sweltering heat, “…doing all this hard work for less than minimum wage I bet.” Is she an idiot? That would be illegal if they are employed by a moving company. Why would they be working for less than minimum wage??
- When thinking back to Zane jerking off through the window, during a conversation with her roommate, Madeline reaches her hand towards her to touch her (and I kid you not this was the word that was used) muff. What is this asinine behavior? In which her roommate catches her about to do it and then Madeline gets weirded out when her BFF talks about having a yeast infection. Girl, bffr touching your muff is worse than talking about medical issues.
- In reference to Madeline’s actual father, the author uses the term daddy SEVEN times on one singular page. She uses it another FOUR times on a half page, and there were only 12 FUCKING LINES on that damn half page.
- The like mob boss second in command refers to Zane as the f-slur, like why was that needed??
- Just this quote, “Bang! Maddy shrieks. Bang! Bang! I keep shooting until the gun’s out of bullets. Garret falls to the ground lifeless, but the fight’s not over. I turn to my left and see Nik and Vlad both grappling on the ground, both with their hands at each other’s throat. I aim my gun and fire, but it’s empty.” Like are we serious…this is what the writing is like for 234 fucking pages!
- The literal last page says that they had a baby named Gabe which is a bitch ass name and I hate ‘We had a baby’ troupe.
Literally contemplating just throwing the book away since I did annotate it. But idk, highly don’t recommend this book because it fucking sucks👍