brother. do. you. love. me.

by Manni Coe, Reuben Coe

brother. do. you. love. me. is the story of two brothers and their extraordinary journey of resilience and repair. Reuben, aged 38, had been living in a home providing specialised care for adults with learning disabilities. For months he had been non-verbal, cut off from everyone he loved. In despair, he sent his older brother a text message: ‘brother. do. you. love. me.’ Immediately, Manni left his home in Spain and took Reuben out of care and moved them to a cottage in the countryside. In the stillness of winter, they began a simple routine of walking, inching a little further each day, from the front drive to the village then into the woods and fields. In the evening, Reuben would take out his felt-tip pens and draw, pouring colourful images of his favourite characters from films and books onto the page. And as the slow months turned towards spring, on a journey full of frustration and pain, joy and revelation, Reuben and Manni discovered that it is never too late to rebuild the bonds of brotherhood. brother. do. you. love. me. is a dazzling story of hope, resilience and repair for our troubled times. It explores just how far we’re capable of going to help the ones we love, and asks how – as individuals and a community – we can all take better care of each other.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Book Club, Audiobook, Family, Mental Health

322 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2022

About the author

Manni was born in Leeds, Yorkshire and lived there until he was 12 when his family moved to Berkshire.

After spending a year in Bolivia, working on a Street Kid rehabilitation project, he studied Latin American Literature at Edinburgh University.

After working as a guide in Peru, Bolivia, Argentina, Paraguay and Brazil he finally settled in Andalucia, Spain, where he has lived since 2000.

He lives in an historic olive farmhouse in the mountains near Malaga and writes in a little ruined cottage behind the house.

brother. do. you. love. me. is his first book and he is now finishing his second which will be published in 2024.

He is represented by Dotti Irving at Greyhouse Literary in the UK.

Reviews

[Nina (ninjasbooks) · Rating 4 out of 5]

A moving and true story about the love between brothers, and a look at Down’s syndrome and the challenges of caring for someone with disability.

[Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to admit that I was unsure about reading this, on social media I have watched the book launch and seen clips from the book tour, I've watched Reuben go from being quiet and shy to a Bonafide blooming rock star, walking out on stage with his hand in the air and the crowds going wild...I was worried I wouldn't be strong enough to witness what this man had been through to get to that rock star status. But I manned up, gave it a read and wow! what an amazing book this is, I've gone through so many emotions because of these pages, I've felt the rage for what Reuben has gone through, I was overwhelmed by the love between these two brothers, it has made me face prejudices that I didn't know I had, and in the last few pages I couldn't fight it anymore, my eyes got slightly damp (but that could have been a spot of rain localised in the area of my face).

The story here starts off with Manni getting a text from his brother from isolation (COVID era) in his bedroom at a care home, a devastating call for help, the end result of which is a rescue of Reuben who moves in with Manni. Manni shares with us what his brother was like before his time in the home, a vibrant young man with a wicked sense of humour and a very independent person, the man he rescued was a shell of that person, unable to even speak or feed himself. Manni pushes himself beyond his limits to try and find the missing Reuben, he shares the high moments no matter how small, those little glimpses of the real Reuben are enough to keep him going and he shares the low moments, the tears of frustration and the embarrassment he feels when snapping at Reuben...this truly is a no holds barred memoir.

Manni and Reuben are lucky that they have managed to find some lovely people to be their support network and it is through them that they look to Reuben's future, there is a place that sounds ideal but there is so much to be done before that can be realised. One aspect of the book I was impressed with is how well Manni controlled himself over the treatment in the care home, he was understanding that the carers were being pushed too far and were unable to offer the care that was needed, I would have lost it completely with them. Another interesting part is I once lived in Thatcham and it had me wondering if we ever crossed paths.

This isn't just a book written by Manni, Reuben has also put his mark on it, he loves artwork and has filled many pages with wonderful drawings of Aslan, Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Williams. You can sense some kind of aura around him, whoever he meets always find themselves liking him and wanting to help and the stories that have been shared about the people he met brought a massive grin to my face every time. He is one of the rare people you can adore even from the page.

This is one of those unique books that draws you in, breaks you down and then lifts you up at the end so that you end up feeling full...you then spend the rest of the time sharing this book with everybody you know so you can experience it all again through them....so get a copy of this book and share your thoughts with me. (I mean a literal mind meld not your opinions).

One of the best books I've ever read and one that will stick in my head for a long time to come.

Blog review (and a video): https://felcherman.wordpress.com/2022...

[Simon Pressinger · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's been an emotional rollercoaster, reading this. A beautiful story told by Manni Coe, with illustrations by his brother Reuben, who has Downs' syndrome. This is their story and I'll be recommending it as much as I can from now on.

I've been following Little Toller Books for a few years. This mad independent publisher decided to open a bookshop in Dorset during the pandemic, and has made a success of it, in spite of all the obvious challenges and difficulties faced by other indie booksellers.

Manni and Reuben's story is very much a pandemic story too. When the UK went into lockdown, Reuben started to become a shadow of his former self. Manni made the difficult decision to remove Reuben from the care home he was staying at, against professional advice, and to return him to the family home, to a cottage in a valley in Dorset. One of the big questions was what was now best for Reuben's needs (in fact, what were his needs?), if not Portland Place, which had clearly sapped out the life from a man who used to be so full of it.

This book really gets under your skin, and I mean in a good, meaningful way. Manni, as a man who loves his brother and calls him 'home', is no saint when it comes to caring for people with Downs syndrome, but he's a stalwart and Reuben's lucky to have him. It's a warts-and-all account of their many adventures and the nature of their relationship as brothers and as men with independent needs and desires.

Reuben's many felt-tip pen drawings scattered throughout the book show a part of the everydayness of being in his company, and the way he likes to communicate and show you the things and the people he likes and loves.

It's a beautiful book in many, many ways and I just loved it.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being sent proof copies of books is one of the perks of being a bookseller, and I feel genuinely honoured to have had a sneak peak of this before it hits the shelves in a few days. Thank you Little Toller - you're one of the best. I am excited to see where this book lands, and can't wait to cheer it along on book of the year shortlists - it's a given, surely?

This book is remarkable. At it's heart, it's a story of two brothers and the friends and family that surround them. Of Manni and Reuben. Reubs has Downs Syndrome, and during covid he was living in a home for adults with learning disabilities. The care system was letting him down - importantly the system, not those tirelessly working within it - and he sent Manni, then living in Spain, an SOS text - 'brother. do. you. love. me.'

Manni dropped everything in Spain, leaving behind his business, partner and life - unsure when he would be returning - and moved Reuben out of the care home and into an old farm cottage in the UK countryside. For months, Manni's main goal is to help Reuben to rediscover the man he knows he can be, and to carefully map out his future.

This is a story of care, of connection, of resilience and most of all of love. Brotherly love. It is a deeply personal story and one which I feel touched to have read. As a fan of nature writing and memoirs I really enjoyed Manni's writing - gorgeously descriptive passages detailing the countryside nestled comfortably alongside the seemingly mundane acts of their day - crucially, I never felt as if I was intruding, by looking in. A last mention has to go to Reuben's brilliant illustrations, which fill the book with colour and personality.

A truly special book - I can't wait to get handselling this in my shop!

[Christopher Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Talk about wrapping yourself in a big woollen wondrous weave of life blanket , bring it on, you brought it , thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Sallie Dunn · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Although this is one particular family’s story, it is eye opening to the amount of care and planning that goes into providing a good life for a family member who is mentally challenged.

Manni and Reuben Coe are brothers in an English family. Reuben was the last sibling born in this family. He was a Down’s Syndrome baby. His family loved and raised him. As the boys grew older, Manni and Reuben grew especially close.

Without giving too much of the story away, Reuben came to be in serious decline, mostly due to the pandemic and level of care he received in a care facility in England. Talk about patience, love, and caring! Manni is the ultimate brother. Everyone needs someone like Manni Coe in their family.

Goodreads 2025 Challenge - Book# 2 of 125

[Helen Pinch · Rating 3 out of 5]

Insightful and heartwarming. Enjoyable and educational story - but not my favourite memoir as felt some parts were repetitive/long and others didn’t go into enough depth.

[Bighead_Monster · Rating 4 out of 5]

บันทึกจากเรื่องจริงบนความอบอุ่นของพี่ชายที่ดูแลน้องผู้เป็นดาวน์ซินโดรม เป็นช่วงเวลาแห่งความทรงจำ การดูแล ความรัก ความผูกพันที่มีกันในครอบครัว การตามหาความหมายชีวิตของทั้งสองพี่น้อง หนาหน่อยแต่อ่านแล้วซาบซึ้ง น่ารักน่าเอาใจช่วยภาพประกอบน่ารักด้วย(วาดโดยน้องชาย)
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เรื่องราวเริ่มต้นเมื่อแมนนีได้รับข้อความbrother.do.you.love.me.จากรูเบ็น น้องชายคนสุดท้องของครอบครัวผู้เป็นดาวน์ซินโดรม หลังจากโดนแยกจากครอบครัวไปอยู่ศูนย์ดูแลดูแลผู้มีความบกพร่องทางการเรียนรู้ตั้งแต่ช่วงโควิด19 แมนนีจึงรีบไปพารูเบ็นมาอยู่ดูแลด้วยตัวเองที่บ้านเกิด

แมนนีหวั่นใจในการเปลี่ยนแปลงครั้งนี้อยู่เหมือนกัน ทั้งยังกังวลในตัวรูเบ็นที่ดูมีพัฒนาการถดถอยหลังโดนกักตัว แต่การพาน้องชายกลับบ้านคือส่วนสำคัญไม่น้อยกับการพบเจอความหมายในชีวิตของทั้งแมนนีและรูเบ็นเช่นกัน เรื่องราวพิสูจน์ความรักสายใยครอบครัวที่ในท้ายที่สุดรูเบ็นเองก็ต้องเติบโตได้ด้วยตัวของตัวเอง

คือเรื่องราวความเป็นไปของครอบครัวรวมถึงการดูแลกัน ทั้งที่อาศัยกันในบ้าน การไปเที่ยวในเมืองสถานที่ต่าง ๆ ได้เห็นถึงความเอาใจใส่และสายใยรักที่อยู่กันมา30ปี+ ซึ่งตั้งแต่เติบโตมาครอบครัวก็รักและเลี้ยงดูรูเบ็นอย่างดีจากพ่อแม่และเหล่าพี่น้อง รวมถึงการวางแผนมากมายที่ทุ่มเทให้กับการให้ชีวิตที่เหลือของรูเบ็น

ทั้งเล่มเล่าเรื่อย ๆ มาก ช่วงท้ายถึงมีช่วงเวลายากลำบากใจเล็กน้อย เผยทั้งเรื่องความอดทน ความกังวลเกี่ยวกับการดูแลคนในครอบครัวที่เป็นดาวน์ซินโดรม ประสบการณ์ปัญหาการสื่อสาร ความรู้สึกทั้งเข้าใจ อดทน หงุดหงิดปนเปสลับความน่ารักของพี่น้องไป เป็นความอ่อนโยนแต่ก็เข้มแข็ง ส่วนมากก็อบอุ่นหัวใจ

เรื่องราวและภาพประกอบน่ารัก ชอบดูภาพที่รูเบ็นวาด มุมมองของเขาเหมือนเด็กไร้เดียงสา ความรักที่มีต่อคนในครอบครัวก็บริสุทธิ์ แอบเศร��ามากที่รูเบ็นต้องเลือกเส้นทางของตัวเองด้วยเช่นกัน อุปสรรคมีทั้งช่วงเวลาดี ๆ และที่น่าระทมใจ แต่ไม่ว่าจะเกิดอะไรขึ้นพวกเขาก็สู้ต่อและวางแผนที่จะก้าวไปข้างหน้าเสมอ

ภาพรวมเป็นหนังสือที่น่ารักมาก Slice of life สุดละมุนใจ ในเรื่องราวการดูแลกันของแมนนีและรูเบ็น อาจจะอ่านยากนิดหน่อยเพราะไม่ได้มีเส้นเรื่องมีเพียงเหตุการณ์หลัก ๆ แต่เล่ายิบย่อยรายวันรันไปเรื่อยจนถึงจุดพลิกผัน ซึ่งได้ข้อคิด ซาบซึ้ง รู้สึกเติบโตไปพร้อมกันกับสองพี่น้องในครอบครัวนี้เลย


วรรคที่ชอบ

- ไม่มีใครเกิดมาเพื่ออยู่อย่างโดดเดี่ยว

- เมื่อถึงวันหนึ่ง พ่อแม่ก็จำเป็นต้องปล่อยลูก ๆ ของพวกเขาไป ปล่อยให้พวกเขาขึ้นรถไฟขบวนที่มุงหน้าไปสู่อนาคตใหม่อันสดใส

[Amy Stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book, a heart warming tale of sibling love and finding yourself In the hardest times. We have a lot to learn from other peoples kindness and Reuben is proof of that. A joy to read.

[Georgia S · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have officially mastered the skill of reading and sobbing my eyes out simultaneously. I rarely give a book 5 stars, but how could I not?! A beautiful story.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Katrina Clarke · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is hard to rate this book because this didn't feel like a book to me. It was too real and personal for me to notice the structure of the storytelling. More, it is Manni and Reuben opening a door into the reality of their brotherhood and the reality of Reuben living with Down's syndrome, and by extension, how his loved ones do too.

There are domestic, quiet scenes, full of one sided dialogue and Reuben's visual communication. Somehow you feel a part of the conversations and moments that these men share and I never got bored. Reuben is an endless surprise.
This memoir captures the unique character of Reuben, anecdotes of past adventures capturing the humour and creativity that this man is capable of.
Most importantly, it explored the bond that Manni has with him, (and his boyfriend Jack). They are Frodo, Sam and Gandalf as they like to say.

Manni vulnerably explains what his caring for Reuben means: Reuben's intense dependence, the way that it provides purpose and defines Manni's days, the fatigue yet reassurance of keeping him close. It is endless and exhausting work, both physically and mentally.
I was curious about how Manni explores his need of being needed by Reuben and of his love. I think he explains the simplicity and sincerity of it with the line "I loved Reuben before I needed his love".
I was concerned about the space that Reuben would have in this book as a co-author, for this to be his authentic story and not a glory-tale for Manni. I could muse for a long time on the ethics of memoirs such as this, but my feeling is that this is a respectful telling of Reuben's experience and provides him with the recognition and voice that he deserve.

At the start of the book we meet Reuben in an awfully numb state of depression following many months in care during lockdowns. The winter that Manni and Reuben share (after essentially breaking him free) is hard beyond words. The glimmers of Reuben as he was exist first only in Manni's attempts to remind him. It is heartbreaking.

The experience the Coe family have highlights the state and limitations of the British care system for those with learning difficulties and is a story of not just those individuals, but the families, friends and professionals who will fight with all they have because their love gives them no other choice.

Huh. Got a lot to say it seems. Gonna shut up now and go watch some Narnia clips.

[Penny (Literary Hoarders) · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was near impossible to read this beautiful story without tears in my eyes, tears falling down my face. Too many beautiful moments of love to possibly convey here. Glad to have read this story, and to have some just a little bit of time with Reuben and Manni.

[Pernille · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel so bad for saying this, but I found this book SO BORING I really considered ditching it. I've persevered through, and while it is a heartwarming story in parts, it also felt wayy too long and badly edited. Weird point maybe, but I also felt confused by the acknowledgements section. Why didn't he acknowledge his partner or their social worker, who both feature heavily in the book?

[Islay · Rating 4 out of 5]

We love a wholesome book 🥹🥹

[Mariel · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolute must read

[Lily Wade · Rating 5 out of 5]

Saving it for book club but bloody hell!

[Jodie Cotgreave · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a beautiful story of brotherly love, patience and understanding. When Manni receives a text from his brother simply saying 'Brother. Do. You. Love. Me.' He knows what he must do, after numerous concerns about the care his brother is receiving back in England, Manni travels from Spain to take Reuben back to a cottage in the countryside and begins a slow but rewarding journey of healing, self discovery and a huge amount of patience.
I feel like this book is here to remind us that there is no "Normal" we are all unique and all deserve a voice. There were times when I shed a tear or two. The unshakeable determination of Manni to do the right thing for Reuben in order for him to enjoy his life to the fullest was inspiring, and seeing all of the people who's lives were touched by Reuben made my heart swell.
What a stunning pair of people and a fabulous family and support network.

[Simone · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful story. It was interesting to see the length of time and dedication that Manni took to love his brother out of his trauma. To build up his independence and also look at himself by working through his own desires and needs to be there for his brother. What a patient man. Booba is just a delight and that unconditional love is just amazing. Thank you both for penning and drawing your love and your truth.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
What a heartwarming book. This relationship between these 2 brothers is amazing. The dedication Manni has to help Reuben to live his best life is endless. He and his family had to make some tough decisions but I feel like they did the best they could. I hope Reuben is thriving.

[Paul Snelling · Rating 3 out of 5]

I saw Manni and Reuben on BBC Breakfast TV and decided I wanted to read the book - I havent read much recently, but it was a 'resolution' to make time to do so. There was much about it that was touching and uplifting, particularly reading about Reuben's journey. For me, however, there were just too many unanswered questions at the end, partcularly about one person wo was referenced thoughout the text, but never made it to Manni's acknowledgements. I'd been looking forward to seeing how thngs panned out, but it felt anticlimactic and unsatisfying to me.

[Olive]

Dnf- needs editing

[Charlotte Carter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Struggled through the first half, second half broke me

[Ashi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredibly moving. I feel privileged to have got to know Reuben and share in some of their brotherly love for each other.

[Angie Miale · Rating 5 out of 5]

This beautiful memoir is written by a British man, Manni, about his relationship with his brother Rueben, who has down syndrome. It is exactly as inspiring, sad, heartwarming, and nostalgic as you think it is. If you love a good cry, this is the book for you. Like many people living with down syndrome, Reuben has a huge heart and capacity to love. He teaches Manni so much about the world we live in. The narrative is interspersed by several drawings that Ruben has made specifically for the book, and some are personal drawings and notes that he has made for his brother. There are extremely funny parts of the book, I did find myself putting the book down and throwing my head back and laughing at some points, and Ruben’s voice will stay with me for a long while.

My favorite quote; “I’ve always assumed that I was capable of loving Reuben more than he is capable of loving me. I think the very nature of disability, or at least our understanding of it, predisposes us to feelings of superiority. But am I really more able to love than Rueben? I doubt it. There are so many lessons to be learned from this quiet man who sits by my side. I am constantly humbled by the new way of thinking and being that he demands of me, always asking for a deeper affection and compassion. There is equality to our love that I’ve Long taken for granted. All this time, I have assumed that he’s the only one who needs to re-learn himself.”

I mean, woof.

I have a teen son with autism spectrum disorder, and I’ve long believed that God gave me him in order to teach me how to live in a better way. God knew I needed to be less concerned with what others think. So he gave me this perfect example.

Maybe God gave Reuben to Manni and his parents because of his gigantic capacity to love. Maybe He knew, in His infinite wisdom, that they needed someone to love them wholly and unconditionally.

[Ellie (bookmadbarlow) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Manni and Reuben are brothers, Manni is living away whilst Reuben is in an assisted care facility, but then he calls for help and Manni realises the facility isn't the best place for Reuben.

Manni takes over the care of Reuben to try to draw him out of himself, and this book talks about the before, after and during of this period. The guilt, the tiredness, the second guessing of everything.

This was a really emotional listen, I could feel the brothers love through the words, but Manni doesn't sugar-coat anything, you can tell his frustration.

This is a memoir about the connection between two brothers, about how they help each other get through the tough times and about love.

Well worth a read.

[Amy Deutscher · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful true story about the mutuality of caring for someone with Down’s Syndrome. Manni affirms the joys and unique gifts his brother offers him and everyone he interacts with, without shying away from the challenges. You can’t read this and not see that each person is valuable, has something to offer, and is a rich contributor to community. A must read for everyone.

[Rine Bekkelund · Rating 4 out of 5]

Den forteller en veldig bra historie og gir god innsikt

[cerys · Rating 5 out of 5]

i finished this in two days.
a beautiful story of the love between two brothers.

[Bethany Langton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful and heartwarming book, would recommend to anyone

[Yee Tong · Rating 4 out of 5]

Now that was heartwarming.

2025 reading treating me well so far!