When I Lost Me

by Claire Lagerwall

We all have secrets. Some we keep to protect others. Some we keep to protect ourselves. Catherine O'Hall's married life has become centred around trying to become pregnant – unsuccessfully. But when she discovers the reason why, she feels unable to tell her husband Henry. Instead, after moving to Sicily, she embarks on a secretive course of action, which she is sure she will be forgiven once they have a child. Rebecca Allwood, along with her husband 'Tick', enjoys a successful farming life in South Africa, having a strong Christian faith and working to make a difference in the local community. But a series of unexplained events lead her to uncover a secret that threatens to take it all away from her. As Catherine and Rebecca find their stories intertwining, hidden truths will be uncovered that will change their lives forever.

225 pages, Paperback

Published March 15, 2022

About the author

I don't write from the outside of hard things. I write from the inside of them.

I'm adopted. Neurodivergent. A woman who has spent a lifetime not quite fitting in — at church, at school, in my own skin. South African by birth, shaped by Ireland, and deeply at home in Australia now. Mine is not a polished story. It is a true one.
And it is exactly why I write for the women I do.

Not cosy faith fiction. Honest faith fiction.

I write for the ones on the outside. The ones questioning their faith walk. The ones who don't know where God is when everyone around them seems to find Him easily. If you have been hurt by the church, by loss, by life — but are still, stubbornly, showing up — these stories are for you. They don't look away from the hard places. They point you gently, truthfully, back toward the arms of God.

𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗶𝘁. All royalties from every book I write are donated in full to the Grace Church Missions Fund. When you buy one of my books, you are not just reading a story — you are funding a mission.

My books include Where the Lion Roars (Faith, Hope & Love Readers' Choice Award winner) and When I Lost Me (Selah Award finalist).

Every word I write is prayed over first.

You are not here by accident.

𝘞𝑟𝘪𝑡𝘪𝑛𝘨 𝘧𝑜𝘳 𝘵ℎ𝘦 𝘸𝑜𝘮𝑒𝘯 𝘢𝑡 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑤𝘦𝑙𝘭 — 𝘴𝑡𝘪𝑙𝘭 𝘵ℎ𝘪𝑟𝘴𝑡𝘺, 𝑠𝘵𝑖𝘭𝑙 𝑙𝘰𝑣𝘦𝑑, 𝘧𝑜𝘶𝑛𝘥.

— Claire


My Books

Where the Lion Roars — Faith, Hope & Love Readers' Choice Award Winner

When I Lost Me — 2023 Selah Award Finalist

The Daughter's Truth (Novella) — 2024

The Freelancer's Hope (Novella) — 2025

The Sister's Courage — (House 12, Our House Series) — Releasing 16 October 2026

Reviews

[Christine Indorf]

Catherine and Henry are trying to have a child. They have tried everything, but one thing, and Catherine isn't telling Henry what it is. Then the terrible happens. Becca and Tick are living on their farm in South Africa. One day someone starts sending threats to them. When it gets dangerous they don't know what to do. All have faith but each one is tested to the limits when the worst happens. Can they overcome and let God work in the midst of trials? Can there be beauty from ashes or will they try to do the impossible on their own?

I loved the book!! Both stories are full and love and the power of redemption that you can't but help to fall in love with each characters. We have all faced trials of our own but it is how we let God in that makes a different. This story is a reminder of this. I highly recommend this book and I can't wait to see more from Claire Lagerwall!!

I want to thank Claire for sending me a copy and dealing with me when I couldn't read when I was sick. For me it was worth the wait!!!!!

[Colleen Ansell]

What a gripping story from the front cover to the back. Very difficult to put this book down. Well done on your excellent first novel and I hope to read more.

[Michelle]

Absolutely loved this book!! It gripped me from the first page and I could not put it down!! I read it in less than 3 days! Well done Claire!! I cannot wait to read another book written by you!!

[Sharon Dean]

I was scrolling through my newsfeed and a post by this Author on a book page I follow caught my eye. Not having ever heard of her, God lead me to comment that I would read her book. If not for that God moment, I would have never discovered a beautiful soul, an Author that has so eloquently written a story with all the feels, all the emotions one could have. WOW! A story that had me in tears, a story that had me in laughter, a story that had me literally fighting with the characters on one page and reaching in to hug them on the next, a story that just filled my heart with so much compassion for characters that warmed my soul! Bec’s, Tick, Catie, Henry, Ma & Ukufa have taken a hold of my heart and became very special people! Each with their own personality, adding so much dimension and perspective to their story, drawing in so much emotion from fear to courage to trust to love, all I can say is WOW! This is a must read! Claire, I understand this is your first novel? You have knocked this outta the park! An amazing job indeed!! Thank you for the opportunity to read this!!

[Sarah Tarr]

Read over 2 days, an extremely heart wrenching story. For a first novel, every essence of this story is descriptively captured. I found myself absorbed in the lives of these 2 women. Made to feel like I was on the same emotional rollercoaster that never seemed to slow down. Well done Claire xxxx

[Mandy]

Absolutely loved reading this book, what a brilliant story written by a South African Author, I couldn't wait to turn the pages to read what was going to happen next. Congratulations on your first novel

[Sarah-Lyn Castleman]

I loooved loved this book. Could not put it down from the first page to the last and I didn't want it to end. It is heartwarming, gripping and the story is so relatable and true to life. Fantastic!!

[Carmen]

I read this book in one night. Could just not put it down.

[Robyn]

This book manages to keep you on tenterhooks all the way through to the end. A longer review to follow on my blog.

[Angeline Wilkinson]

Totally enjoyed this gripping book .. Easy to read & hard to put down!! Hard to believe this is your first book .. can’t wait for more. Congrats!!

[Lisa]

Catherine O'Hall's struggle to have a child nearly cost her everything she held dear. This story addressed the hard issues of infertility and disappointment in a loving and tasteful manner.

Catherine grew through her loss by having support from her cousin Becs, who was also dealing with loss. Becs helps Catherine to have a better understanding of not losing sight of what is really important in life. A quote that I found insightful was, "Just because we trust Him, doesn't mean we won't walk through the valley of the shadow of death, or climb mountains."

I found it to be amazing that Claire Lagerwall could write such a great story in such a short time, from writing to publishing in six short months.


I was provided a free copy of this book by the author. I was not required to write a review. All opinions expressed in this review are my own.

[Jacky Dewar]

A beautifully written story of trials and faith. Once the story started it was captivating. I look forward to seeing more from this new author.

[Michelle Frost]

I read a lot of Christian fiction but I was deeply touched and unusually impacted by ‘When I lost me’. I was able to relate to the characters and they quickly became a part of my inner world. The fast- paced plot, thought-provoking relationships and interactions had me turning the pages quickly. I devoured it in a few days and rate it the best book I have read in 2022. It was wonderful to read a Christian novel with South African characters written by a South African author. It even made me a little homesick because the characters and setting were portrayed so beautifully. I sobbed on several occasions and it was very cathartic. I cannot wait to read Claire’s next novel.
Claire Lagerwall thank you for the blessing of this book !

[Gillian Poucher]

I devoured this novel, racing through the pages to find out what lay in store for the two main characters. Catherine, broken-hearted after discovering she will never be able to have children, who runs away from her husband Henry; her cousin Rebecca terrified by violent attacks against herself and her husband on the South African farm inherited from her father. It's a highly emotional and unusual read, with evocative descriptions of the Italian and South African landscapes. Outstanding Christian fiction.

[Willene Freddy]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book! It was like an adventure - never knowing what little plot twist would appear on the next page. It kept me glued.
Then I found out it was the author’s first book and now I literally can’t wait to see more of her work on my local book shelves.
I love how she weaves faith throughout the book without being overbearing or “soppy”. This is fantastic Christian fiction and I look forward to her next story.

[Ann]

What a beautifully written book. It's a very emotional read that will keep you turning the pages to see what happens next. I can't wait to see what this author writes next! This is a MUST READ book! I received a complimentary copy and was not required to write a review. All opinions expressed are my own.

[Reader]

I had the privilege of reading When I Lost Me.
What a fantastic novel. Unputdownable! A real page turner. Claire has the marvelous talent of making her reader want to know more about the story. I could not put it down! I hope to read many more novels by this remarkable young author!

[Sally-Anne Goodwin]

I absolutely loved this book. I couldn't put it down. A beautiful story, believable characters and so well written. Can't wait for Claire's next book.