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A Life in Light: Meditations on Impermanence
A USA Today Must Read New Book
From the bestselling author of Women Rowing North and Reviving Ophelia- a memoir in essays reflecting on radiance, resilience, and the constantly changing nature of reality.
In her luminous new memoir in essays, Mary Pipher-as she did in her New York Times bestseller Women Rowing North -taps into a cultural moment, to offer wisdom, hope, and insight into loss and change. Drawing from her own experiences and expertise as a psychologist specializing in women, trauma, and the effect of our culture on our mental health, she looks inward in A Life in Light to what shaped her as a woman, one who has experienced darkness throughout her life but was always drawn to the light.
Her plainspoken depictions of her hard childhood and life's difficulties are dappled with moments of joy and revelation, tragedies and ordinary miseries, glimmers and shadow. As a child, she was separated from her parents for long periods. Those separations affected her deeply, but in A Life in Light she explores what she's learned about how to balance despair with joy, utilizing and sharing with readers every coping skill she has honed during her lifetime to remind us that there is a silver thread of resilience that flows through all of life, and that despite our despair, the light will return.
In this book, she points us toward that light.
From the bestselling author of Women Rowing North and Reviving Ophelia- a memoir in essays reflecting on radiance, resilience, and the constantly changing nature of reality.
In her luminous new memoir in essays, Mary Pipher-as she did in her New York Times bestseller Women Rowing North -taps into a cultural moment, to offer wisdom, hope, and insight into loss and change. Drawing from her own experiences and expertise as a psychologist specializing in women, trauma, and the effect of our culture on our mental health, she looks inward in A Life in Light to what shaped her as a woman, one who has experienced darkness throughout her life but was always drawn to the light.
Her plainspoken depictions of her hard childhood and life's difficulties are dappled with moments of joy and revelation, tragedies and ordinary miseries, glimmers and shadow. As a child, she was separated from her parents for long periods. Those separations affected her deeply, but in A Life in Light she explores what she's learned about how to balance despair with joy, utilizing and sharing with readers every coping skill she has honed during her lifetime to remind us that there is a silver thread of resilience that flows through all of life, and that despite our despair, the light will return.
In this book, she points us toward that light.
320 pages, Paperback
Published December 12, 2023
223 people are currently reading
6559 people want to read
About the author
Mary Pipher
21 books338 followersMary Elizabeth Pipher, also known as Mary Bray Pipher, is an American clinical psychologist and author, most recently of Women Rowing North, a book on aging gracefully. Prior to that, she wrote The Green Boat, which was published by Riverhead Books in June 2013.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 154 reviews
January 6, 2023
Audiobook….read by Jessica Garcie
…6 hours and 27 minutes
It’s been years since I’ve read
“Reviving Ophelia”, by Mary Pipher ….
….I then went to listen to her speak in the large auditorium at Gunn High School in Palo Alto to a packed filled room….of educators, parents, teachers, students, and other professionals in the community. (at least 15 or 18 years ago).
It was clear that Mary Pipher, a 1969 U.C. Berkeley graduate, clinical psychologist, was the ideal inspiration for parents, educators, men and women. We all needed to hear what she had to say.
In Mary’s therapy practice she was seeing young girls with serious life-threatening issues—such as eating disorders, and suicidal thoughts… as well as issues with alcohol, drugs, depression, body issues, violence, abuse, and the ways in which girls were being sexualized, and living in a media saturated culture, facing pressures with peers, family, school, self esteem…. etc.
In many ways … Mary Pipher came along at the perfect time when society needed her work most…. she became ‘society’s’ role model —repairing and healing “the girl-poisoning-culture”, for adolescent girls.
Once a person has been fully introduced to Mary Pipher’s contributions — her views, wisdom, stories, perceptiveness, and experiences, in her down-to-earth-non-preachy natural way of being — then one never ‘forgets’ Mary Pipher.
So — yes — it’s been many years since I revisited some of her books — but I was quickly reminded of how vitally lucky we are to have her doing the work that she does.
Uncensored powerful thoughts seem to flow right through her….
….essential to personal happiness — intelligently, examining Universal themes:
….coming of age, difficulties endured, attachments, letting go of attachments, loss, illness, grief, changes, our planet, aging, creating happiness when it’s the hardest….
Always fun stories from Mary too:
…. The music scene at the Fillmore in San Francisco with bands such as Santana, Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Grateful Dead…
….the counterculture focal point for psychedelic music for just ‘one’ of her youthful shares…..
….[truthfully I felt like a fish out of water when my ‘date’ .. took me to the Fillmore]… I was scared, naïve, and much too straight-arrow to enjoy it]….
But it was fun hearing about Mary’s stories. She surprised me. She was much more brave than I was as a young female during a challenging-confusing-but fascinating period of history.
And it would make sense, that Mary would bring up the pandemic, and the way Covid has changed us.
So this is a memoir — (bittersweet family childhood stories…growing up poor… and reflective thoughts on growing older)….
Perhaps is not her most profound book….(but it’s good)…
and there are some people who are ‘our people’…. their voice stands tall …
It’s not necessary to judge, or nitpick, which book is better than their others….it’s the cumulation of her life work that makes a difference… And we noticed it.
With women like Michelle, Obama, Mary Pipher….
and even a few of our favorite friends/who are also authors with a powerful gifted humanitarian voices ….we’re grateful to them.
Mary Pipher is a grand voice - every generation can take something from her …..
From ‘this’ book…..
….. I’m especially in awe at the ease in which forgiveness is real for Mary ….
For a woman who could still be carrying around some bitterness towards her father — I believed her when she not only forgave him— but stood for his overall goodness—
“A Life in Light”…. show’s brilliant gentle ways in which lightness returns to us: mysterious and miraculously….
From darkness…there really is lightness!
A little jewel of inspiration.
…6 hours and 27 minutes
It’s been years since I’ve read
“Reviving Ophelia”, by Mary Pipher ….
….I then went to listen to her speak in the large auditorium at Gunn High School in Palo Alto to a packed filled room….of educators, parents, teachers, students, and other professionals in the community. (at least 15 or 18 years ago).
It was clear that Mary Pipher, a 1969 U.C. Berkeley graduate, clinical psychologist, was the ideal inspiration for parents, educators, men and women. We all needed to hear what she had to say.
In Mary’s therapy practice she was seeing young girls with serious life-threatening issues—such as eating disorders, and suicidal thoughts… as well as issues with alcohol, drugs, depression, body issues, violence, abuse, and the ways in which girls were being sexualized, and living in a media saturated culture, facing pressures with peers, family, school, self esteem…. etc.
In many ways … Mary Pipher came along at the perfect time when society needed her work most…. she became ‘society’s’ role model —repairing and healing “the girl-poisoning-culture”, for adolescent girls.
Once a person has been fully introduced to Mary Pipher’s contributions — her views, wisdom, stories, perceptiveness, and experiences, in her down-to-earth-non-preachy natural way of being — then one never ‘forgets’ Mary Pipher.
So — yes — it’s been many years since I revisited some of her books — but I was quickly reminded of how vitally lucky we are to have her doing the work that she does.
Uncensored powerful thoughts seem to flow right through her….
….essential to personal happiness — intelligently, examining Universal themes:
….coming of age, difficulties endured, attachments, letting go of attachments, loss, illness, grief, changes, our planet, aging, creating happiness when it’s the hardest….
Always fun stories from Mary too:
…. The music scene at the Fillmore in San Francisco with bands such as Santana, Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Grateful Dead…
….the counterculture focal point for psychedelic music for just ‘one’ of her youthful shares…..
….[truthfully I felt like a fish out of water when my ‘date’ .. took me to the Fillmore]… I was scared, naïve, and much too straight-arrow to enjoy it]….
But it was fun hearing about Mary’s stories. She surprised me. She was much more brave than I was as a young female during a challenging-confusing-but fascinating period of history.
And it would make sense, that Mary would bring up the pandemic, and the way Covid has changed us.
So this is a memoir — (bittersweet family childhood stories…growing up poor… and reflective thoughts on growing older)….
Perhaps is not her most profound book….(but it’s good)…
and there are some people who are ‘our people’…. their voice stands tall …
It’s not necessary to judge, or nitpick, which book is better than their others….it’s the cumulation of her life work that makes a difference… And we noticed it.
With women like Michelle, Obama, Mary Pipher….
and even a few of our favorite friends/who are also authors with a powerful gifted humanitarian voices ….we’re grateful to them.
Mary Pipher is a grand voice - every generation can take something from her …..
From ‘this’ book…..
….. I’m especially in awe at the ease in which forgiveness is real for Mary ….
For a woman who could still be carrying around some bitterness towards her father — I believed her when she not only forgave him— but stood for his overall goodness—
“A Life in Light”…. show’s brilliant gentle ways in which lightness returns to us: mysterious and miraculously….
From darkness…there really is lightness!
A little jewel of inspiration.
Read
April 12, 2022Quiet, beautiful, meditative essays looking back on a long life.
April 17, 2023
Twenty-five years ago when I was a frontline bookseller, Ms. Pipher’s book Reviving Ophelia was a huge bestseller. I wondered what the big deal was and picked it up. I accidentally read the entire thing over the course of a few cash register shifts (we were NOT supposed to be reading at the cashwrap!) It was amazing and really changed my idea of what books could be, turning me on to nonfiction.
And then I didn’t read her again until now. I’ve kept an eye on her books, considered some, but just never picked one up until this one. And this is a great second read! Not a traditional memoir, it’s a memoir in essays, most of them quite short. She starts when she’s a very, very young kid, with some of her oldest memories. Those weren’t necessary good memories. Her parents separated while her mom was in medical school in the late 1940s and she and one brother went with their dad to Missouri to live in a freezing cold trailer. She said she felt like she stopped growing, even though she was only probably about 5. They did all reunite and the family moved to Nebraska for her mother to start a medical practice in a small town. Luckily there were positive memories in between of faraway vacation trips, loving extended family, and Mary herself figuring out who she was and what she was good at. I was particularly struck by an aside when she was working at a drive-in in her teens and how much she liked getting to know the regulars and even dealing with the difficult customers, and how those people skills were very advantageous later when she was a therapist (my husband also was a waiter and now is a counselor!)
She has an unplanned pregnancy in college, and manages to stay in college (probably having a mother who went to medical school with four very young children was a great example here) and then meets her husband in graduate school. Through all of this, runs the theme from the title: light. Light, especially sunlight, is always important and almost life-giving to her. When there is good light, a spectacular sunset, or even a great moment when a sunbeam catches a prism, it’s meditative and almost spiritual for her. This is a through-thread and also keeps the tone of the whole book rather contemplative, even when bad things are happening. She doesn’t deny they happened or downplay them, but she also doesn’t make them overwrought. Like a Buddhist she just presents them, and then lets them fall away. It was a calming read. I feel better for having read it.
And then I didn’t read her again until now. I’ve kept an eye on her books, considered some, but just never picked one up until this one. And this is a great second read! Not a traditional memoir, it’s a memoir in essays, most of them quite short. She starts when she’s a very, very young kid, with some of her oldest memories. Those weren’t necessary good memories. Her parents separated while her mom was in medical school in the late 1940s and she and one brother went with their dad to Missouri to live in a freezing cold trailer. She said she felt like she stopped growing, even though she was only probably about 5. They did all reunite and the family moved to Nebraska for her mother to start a medical practice in a small town. Luckily there were positive memories in between of faraway vacation trips, loving extended family, and Mary herself figuring out who she was and what she was good at. I was particularly struck by an aside when she was working at a drive-in in her teens and how much she liked getting to know the regulars and even dealing with the difficult customers, and how those people skills were very advantageous later when she was a therapist (my husband also was a waiter and now is a counselor!)
She has an unplanned pregnancy in college, and manages to stay in college (probably having a mother who went to medical school with four very young children was a great example here) and then meets her husband in graduate school. Through all of this, runs the theme from the title: light. Light, especially sunlight, is always important and almost life-giving to her. When there is good light, a spectacular sunset, or even a great moment when a sunbeam catches a prism, it’s meditative and almost spiritual for her. This is a through-thread and also keeps the tone of the whole book rather contemplative, even when bad things are happening. She doesn’t deny they happened or downplay them, but she also doesn’t make them overwrought. Like a Buddhist she just presents them, and then lets them fall away. It was a calming read. I feel better for having read it.
December 31, 2023
The author, Mary Pipher, is a psychologist who has written many books, and in most of these books she draws on case histories from her experience as a therapist for psychological issues. In this book she recounts her own life and applies her therapy tools to her own life experiences and feelings.
This combination of memoir and life coaching results in a book that in addition to providing a memoir of an interesting life also provides lessons and advice on dealing with the impermanence of life situations. The author is about my age so I could experience familiarity with some of her experiences over the years and could identify with her in descriptions of changes experienced with age.
Separations occur and children grow up and leave the nest. From these life experiences and feelings the author provides encouragement to seek out the light (i.e. the joy) and find it in the here and now of life.
Another book by Mary Pipher that I've read is Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing As We Age,. (Link is to my review.) The two books contain similar advice. Rowing North said, "Happiness is a choice and a set of skills." A Life in Light says, “Deep happiness is independent of conditions.” ... “We can accept responsibility for our own happiness and look inside ourselves for the light we can always find..” (p.245)
Below is an excerpt from the book that caught my attention:
This combination of memoir and life coaching results in a book that in addition to providing a memoir of an interesting life also provides lessons and advice on dealing with the impermanence of life situations. The author is about my age so I could experience familiarity with some of her experiences over the years and could identify with her in descriptions of changes experienced with age.
Separations occur and children grow up and leave the nest. From these life experiences and feelings the author provides encouragement to seek out the light (i.e. the joy) and find it in the here and now of life.
Another book by Mary Pipher that I've read is Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing As We Age,. (Link is to my review.) The two books contain similar advice. Rowing North said, "Happiness is a choice and a set of skills." A Life in Light says, “Deep happiness is independent of conditions.” ... “We can accept responsibility for our own happiness and look inside ourselves for the light we can always find..” (p.245)
Below is an excerpt from the book that caught my attention:
Maybe old age is when many of us love the sunset most. We lose people, and life crushes us in its various ways. Hope can seem like a dark star in another solar system. Yet, every night, the sun once again offers us all that it has. It whispers, "Take these coins of gold these shafts of light and these pink and orange silk scarves of sky." (p.213)
September 19, 2022
3.5* A tender memoir recounting lessons learned from ordinary moments. I related most to her later essays where she is more reflective rather than simply relaying a story or incident. Each story ends with a paragraph or so on how the light slips in illuminating even the most difficult times.
August 11, 2022
Mary Pipher tells the story of her life and focuses on the ways she was able to find light during the dark times.
A few quotes:
“I was a fleck of dust in an enormous universe, fortunate to even exist. Our lives are as fragile as the smallest falling star that flashes across the dome of night. We blaze for a moment and then we are gone.”
“I didn’t feel grief as much as I felt dead. When I experience loss, the lights go out.”
“I struggled on, aware I was not moving forward. I thought, what a strange way to end my life. This will ruin our beautiful vacation...I flipped over on my back and let the waves carry me while I caught my breath...After a while, I heard the sound of waves breaking...I realized, I am going in. I am going in...What had saved me was stopping the struggle.”
"I had been grieving and yearning, wanting my family so badly my heart hurt. A part of me had been hibernating, just waiting for contact with my children and grandchildren to wake me up. Then one day, as I sat drinking my first cup of coffee, from a place deep within, from my heart/mind, a voice cried out, 'Enough...Enough making yourself miserable...Be happy now. Be happy here. Life is good.'"
"I contemplated what Buddhists call the three poisons---anger, ignorance, and attachment. I had always understood the dangers of ignorance and anger, but attachment as a poison was hard for me to understand...Now at last I understood that my love for my children and grandchildren, my missing them constantly, had caused me to suffer. What could save me was loosening my grip and surrendering to the situation I could not change."
"I needed to relinquish my cows." (story of the man with six lost cows)
A few quotes:
“I was a fleck of dust in an enormous universe, fortunate to even exist. Our lives are as fragile as the smallest falling star that flashes across the dome of night. We blaze for a moment and then we are gone.”
“I didn’t feel grief as much as I felt dead. When I experience loss, the lights go out.”
“I struggled on, aware I was not moving forward. I thought, what a strange way to end my life. This will ruin our beautiful vacation...I flipped over on my back and let the waves carry me while I caught my breath...After a while, I heard the sound of waves breaking...I realized, I am going in. I am going in...What had saved me was stopping the struggle.”
"I had been grieving and yearning, wanting my family so badly my heart hurt. A part of me had been hibernating, just waiting for contact with my children and grandchildren to wake me up. Then one day, as I sat drinking my first cup of coffee, from a place deep within, from my heart/mind, a voice cried out, 'Enough...Enough making yourself miserable...Be happy now. Be happy here. Life is good.'"
"I contemplated what Buddhists call the three poisons---anger, ignorance, and attachment. I had always understood the dangers of ignorance and anger, but attachment as a poison was hard for me to understand...Now at last I understood that my love for my children and grandchildren, my missing them constantly, had caused me to suffer. What could save me was loosening my grip and surrendering to the situation I could not change."
"I needed to relinquish my cows." (story of the man with six lost cows)
August 26, 2025
This was such a rewarding book. A satisfying combination of memoir, autobiography, self-help book, nature writing, personal essays, and meditation on the process of aging. There are so many beautiful passages about different types of experience in nature, and some unforgettable childhood scenes. Mary Pipher describes becoming famous as the author of Reviving Ophelia literally overnight, and there are one or two sharply amusing passages about the price of fame that were like something out of Five Nights At Freddie's.
I don't usually do this, but I'm going to end the review here and share a couple of passages I found especially helpful. They are near the end of the book, but it's worth taking the whole journey.
"As adults, we never manage to meet our unmet childhood needs. We can't even meet all the needs we have in the present. However, we can acquire the skills to redefine many of our needs as wants. We can be happy only if we know what we want."
"Receiving love is impermanent, but giving love can be permanent. That is our good fortune. Margaret Mead wrote that 'growing up means getting outside oneself and cherishing the life of the world.' When we do this, we are primed for joy and amazement. We feel a great vibrancy as we face the critical challenges of the hour."
Don't miss this amazing book!
I don't usually do this, but I'm going to end the review here and share a couple of passages I found especially helpful. They are near the end of the book, but it's worth taking the whole journey.
"As adults, we never manage to meet our unmet childhood needs. We can't even meet all the needs we have in the present. However, we can acquire the skills to redefine many of our needs as wants. We can be happy only if we know what we want."
"Receiving love is impermanent, but giving love can be permanent. That is our good fortune. Margaret Mead wrote that 'growing up means getting outside oneself and cherishing the life of the world.' When we do this, we are primed for joy and amazement. We feel a great vibrancy as we face the critical challenges of the hour."
Don't miss this amazing book!
November 7, 2022
I know other readers loved this book, so am hesitant to write a review as to why I gave it 3 stars. Mary Pipher is someone I would really like to know, to be her friend. From her writings one learns what’s important to her, and I admire the light she brings to her life. However I found the writing to be made up of short sentences that felt flat and somewhat awkward, and didn’t make me stop to say ‘wow.’ I skipped through the middle of the book which I don’t usually do. The concepts she conveyed, especially at the end, were lovely and I hope to remember them.
July 11, 2022
This meditation was too long on details of her life; I was looking for more reflections and less reporting.
September 28, 2022
This was a love letter to Nebraska with no mention of Husker football or Runza, and for that alone it deserves five stars!
I loved her descriptions of prairie nature and of loving books. I loved her reflections on the different stages of life.
Her descriptions of being with her grandparents felt exactly like my memories of spending time with my grandparents in rural Nebraska. I loved the numerous mentions of Holmes Lake, especially the 4th of July chapter. And being in that busy middle of life with kids at home stage, I loved her reminders of what a special time this is.
I loved her descriptions of prairie nature and of loving books. I loved her reflections on the different stages of life.
Her descriptions of being with her grandparents felt exactly like my memories of spending time with my grandparents in rural Nebraska. I loved the numerous mentions of Holmes Lake, especially the 4th of July chapter. And being in that busy middle of life with kids at home stage, I loved her reminders of what a special time this is.
September 3, 2022
p 77 "Choose your friends as carefully as you choose your books."
p 78 "It is better to have one true friend than to be popular."
p 79 "Grandmother was one of the first people who did the hard work of loving me into existence."
p 288 "'Life is fundamentally tragic.'[author told friend] She responded. 'No, it is fundamentally impermanent.' That has been a hard lesson to accept."
p 78 "It is better to have one true friend than to be popular."
p 79 "Grandmother was one of the first people who did the hard work of loving me into existence."
p 288 "'Life is fundamentally tragic.'[author told friend] She responded. 'No, it is fundamentally impermanent.' That has been a hard lesson to accept."
September 17, 2022
"Luck is not evenly distributed. There is not always a connection between effort and reward. Some heroes go unsung." Mary Pipher, A Life in Light
A Life of Light: Meditations on Impermanence
I'm currently making my way, albeit slowly through Mary Pipher's Women Rowing North as I feel this will be life-changing and so full of wisdom I need to breathe between the lessons. When I found A Life in Light yesterday on the new release shelf at the library I just couldn't help myself. I devoured it in 12 hours - Friday evening into Saturday morning. I felt heard. I cried, I laughed. I learned that each of our stories is ugly in parts, and beautiful in so many too. I also learned that my story matters. To me. To heal. To embrace joy.
There is a story in the book of Mary swimming in the ocean and feeling the undertow. Feeling lost, unable to make progress back to shore. The is not a metaphor for life, but it sure could be for me. Haven't we all lost our way, been unable to touch bottom and wondered if "this" was all there is? Her profound line from that passage is, "what had saved me was stopping the struggle." Read that one again. Phew I really felt it.
A Life of Light: Meditations on Impermanence
I'm currently making my way, albeit slowly through Mary Pipher's Women Rowing North as I feel this will be life-changing and so full of wisdom I need to breathe between the lessons. When I found A Life in Light yesterday on the new release shelf at the library I just couldn't help myself. I devoured it in 12 hours - Friday evening into Saturday morning. I felt heard. I cried, I laughed. I learned that each of our stories is ugly in parts, and beautiful in so many too. I also learned that my story matters. To me. To heal. To embrace joy.
There is a story in the book of Mary swimming in the ocean and feeling the undertow. Feeling lost, unable to make progress back to shore. The is not a metaphor for life, but it sure could be for me. Haven't we all lost our way, been unable to touch bottom and wondered if "this" was all there is? Her profound line from that passage is, "what had saved me was stopping the struggle." Read that one again. Phew I really felt it.
October 26, 2022
I picked this up because I was feeling stressed and I wanted to read something extremely chill. This fit the bill.
It's not at all like Pipher's other books, so don't go into it expecting that. It's literally just, like, little essays or journal entries where she shares anecdotes of her life and observations. Like, imagine reading the journal of a kindly old grandmother with a good editor.
It's not at all like Pipher's other books, so don't go into it expecting that. It's literally just, like, little essays or journal entries where she shares anecdotes of her life and observations. Like, imagine reading the journal of a kindly old grandmother with a good editor.
October 28, 2022
Soon Har says: "A Life in Light" is a memoir in essays by psychologist and author Mary Pipher. Known for her book "Reviving Ophelia," which came out in 1994 and highlighted the impact of our culture on adolescent girls and their sense of self-worth, Pipher is now in her mid-70s and living in Nebraska. (The book has since been updated four times, most recently in 2019).
In this book, Pipher looks back on her life and shares stories from different ages and stages. These accounts include an early childhood when first her father, then her mother was missing from her life for long periods. She writes about the time when she was a college student at the University of Missouri and became pregnant by a man she didn’t want to marry, and her struggles as a single mother and medical school student. And she shares how she built her career as a psychologist and writer, and a life with the man she did end up marrying. In between there are many other stories, some delightful, some painful, most with a sense of wonder and gratitude. Each one captures a tender memory, a challenging experience, a lesson learned, and more. Nature and its magic are often at the center.
Each chapter is short but well told; her writing is succinct and moving without being sentimental. Hers has been an interesting life–hard in the beginning and filled with losses. But she is also clear-eyed about how much she has received in this life; her book is filled with simple wisdom and coping skills gained through time, life lessons and her work. She focuses on light a lot, both physical and metaphorical. This thoughtful, almost spiritual look back on a life well-lived inspires hope and joy.
In this book, Pipher looks back on her life and shares stories from different ages and stages. These accounts include an early childhood when first her father, then her mother was missing from her life for long periods. She writes about the time when she was a college student at the University of Missouri and became pregnant by a man she didn’t want to marry, and her struggles as a single mother and medical school student. And she shares how she built her career as a psychologist and writer, and a life with the man she did end up marrying. In between there are many other stories, some delightful, some painful, most with a sense of wonder and gratitude. Each one captures a tender memory, a challenging experience, a lesson learned, and more. Nature and its magic are often at the center.
Each chapter is short but well told; her writing is succinct and moving without being sentimental. Hers has been an interesting life–hard in the beginning and filled with losses. But she is also clear-eyed about how much she has received in this life; her book is filled with simple wisdom and coping skills gained through time, life lessons and her work. She focuses on light a lot, both physical and metaphorical. This thoughtful, almost spiritual look back on a life well-lived inspires hope and joy.
June 3, 2023
I really enjoyed her last book Women Rowing North. I found this book to be rather flat. The essays about her early years were interesting, but after she met her husband, it seemed to be a series to tales about her wonderful connection with her children, grandchildren and nature. By the time I got to the essay on collecting mushrooms, I was asking myself why I continued to read this book? The answer was that I wanted to add it to my reading challenge log!
I did not feel that I learned anything from the essays, nor did I feel any connection to her. I am happy for her that she has a wonderful life, but I find tales of hardship to be more compelling.
I did not feel that I learned anything from the essays, nor did I feel any connection to her. I am happy for her that she has a wonderful life, but I find tales of hardship to be more compelling.
March 24, 2023
This memoir held a lot of personal meaning for me. Like Mary, I am in my eighth decade and feeling the impermanence of life. She suffered a temporary separation from her family during the pandemic. Mine seems to be more permanent. But in spite of life's disappointments there is always an opportunity for exploration. Like Mary, I seek out beauty and find it in the natural world. Momentary joy is possible even in painful circumstances. Books have always helped to expand the world when physical travel is not possible. I have learned to accept life as it is rather than clinging to what could have been. Thank you, Mary, for helping me to clarify these thoughts.
July 30, 2022
The subtitle "Meditations on Impermanence" was the part I took away from the book. In growing older Mary shows you how she adjusted to the natural changes in her life as people enter and leave. The book is actually also a wonderful memoir of her life beginning in 1947 til the present.
August 30, 2022
This is EXACTLY what I needed to read right now.
September 1, 2022
One of my favorite books I’ve ever read! It felt like Mary Oliver set in Nebraska.
February 7, 2023
A Life in Light is Mary Pipher's memoir in short essays. She had a turbulent and dysfunctional childhood, but somehow always managed to see the light in everything. I think she shows that some of our nature is just innate. Neither of her parents showed much affection to her or her siblings, but Pipher always did even from a young age - to friends, her family, everyone. A college boyfriend asked Pipher why she wasn't angrier, this was after he went home with her for Thanksgiving and witnessed her family firsthand. She said, "I had no anger, only a deep yearning to believe my family was okay and that we loved each other." (p. 157) That was how she coped, but it just seemed built into her from birth, not a learned behavior from her family. And that has obviously helped her over the years deal with all the struggles and ups and downs of life. This collection of memoir essays highlights Pipher's quest of always looking for the light - both metaphorical light and physical light like sunrises and sunsets. Overall, a lovely collection of essays and a quick, easy read.
Some quotes I liked:
"I liked the precision and clarity of the work. Under Mrs. Oliver's tutelage, I felt as if we organized the English language and the entire world into something manageable...Her classes were calm and orderly. There was a hum in the room that came from our collective engagement in the work of the day...My home life was disorganized and chaotic, and Mrs. Oliver's class allowed me to believe things could be otherwise." (p. 100)
"Because I wasn't interested in makeup, hairstyles, or clothing. I diverted the group to topics I did enjoy. I asked how their families worked: Did their parents fight? What were the family rules? How did they get along with their siblings? What were the dinner table discussions like? Looking back, I realize that I was trying to see what normal looked like. My own family felt odd and out of place, and my parents were unusual in their habits. How did it feel to have a homemaker mother as all my friends did, and a dad who came home to quietly enjoy the evening?" (p. 123)
Some quotes I liked:
"I liked the precision and clarity of the work. Under Mrs. Oliver's tutelage, I felt as if we organized the English language and the entire world into something manageable...Her classes were calm and orderly. There was a hum in the room that came from our collective engagement in the work of the day...My home life was disorganized and chaotic, and Mrs. Oliver's class allowed me to believe things could be otherwise." (p. 100)
"Because I wasn't interested in makeup, hairstyles, or clothing. I diverted the group to topics I did enjoy. I asked how their families worked: Did their parents fight? What were the family rules? How did they get along with their siblings? What were the dinner table discussions like? Looking back, I realize that I was trying to see what normal looked like. My own family felt odd and out of place, and my parents were unusual in their habits. How did it feel to have a homemaker mother as all my friends did, and a dad who came home to quietly enjoy the evening?" (p. 123)
November 26, 2022
This is a memoir in essays reflecting on radiance, resilience, and the changing nature of reality. The book is organized around where light plays a role in every scene. Part of the book is about impermanence and a sense that good times come and go. People come and go. Every minute is different, so finding the light at any stage is essential.
The author wrote in a very poetic way, but the sentiments behind it and the way the author talked about her life and childhood were really excellent. She gave so many examples of when light helped her and, conversely, showed how detrimental it was when she was in a dark place. The author did a great job of ending each chapter with a sentence that made me want to keep reading. She als0 did a great a job of weaving in the books that impacted her life at different time.
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...
The author wrote in a very poetic way, but the sentiments behind it and the way the author talked about her life and childhood were really excellent. She gave so many examples of when light helped her and, conversely, showed how detrimental it was when she was in a dark place. The author did a great job of ending each chapter with a sentence that made me want to keep reading. She als0 did a great a job of weaving in the books that impacted her life at different time.
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...
July 15, 2023
I found this to be a rather ordinary book filled with common childhood and family memories. The author failed to provide deep insights or any astute observations. I’ve read this all before many times. I ended up skimming much of this memoir.
April 26, 2023
Traveling thru mary piphers life was unexpectedly resonant. Enjoy!
June 5, 2025
I love Mary Pipher. In this memoir her reflections on the stages of her life: from growing up in a tight knit extended family, launching to college and expanding her world, raising her family during the busy parenting and career years, and now learning how to seek happiness in the small things as she ages and loses people and abilities are so wise and tender. "I get what I want, but I know what to want" is what she says about how to be happy in her older years.
July 10, 2023
disappointing, simplistic, dare I say sophomoric?
July 3, 2022
Becoming a writer fulfilled a long-contemplated purpose for psychologist Mary Pipher. She has penned bestselling books directed at helping other women (REVIVING OPHELIA, WOMEN ROWING NORTH), while her latest work recounts the steps in life that led her to it, and beyond. The central theme of her personal recollections is her love of light, the natural environment in its panoramic beauty or as seen through the tender eyes of a newborn.
Pipher’s childhood was difficult. She had an emotionally distant mother who studied for a career in medicine and a father who had fought in two wars. The second, in Korea, took him away from the family for several years. Pipher and her two younger brothers almost had to raise themselves, but she found solace in great books (most of which were written by men) and the company of her grandmother, who called her “my Mary” and always baked her favorite cookies when she came to visit.
One early experience of the joy that light can provide was visiting a local, multicolored fountain as they were too poor to pay for other pleasures. She recalls “the way the light danced in the cascades of water” with a rainbow of hues that “carried me away from my everyday life into something vast and universal.” This appreciation has been a comfort and a mainstay throughout a journey that has included becoming a single mother by choice, marrying a man with whom she has spent these last many decades, enduring and mourning the deaths of her parents and others. Through it all, she has kept a circle of close friends and maintained an outreach for extended family.
Pipher’s stories are clear and tangible. She developed a gift for telling tales as a child --- sometimes pure fantasies with her pals as the central characters, other times persuading her friends to act out scenes from great literature. Each chapter in this engaging saga offers memories, metaphors and subtle suggestions. Her experiences of the delights of the bright patches she encounters include her first visit to the San Francisco Bay area with its “green hills with their rows of pastel houses”; the sunlight that suddenly burst through the window as she held her child for the first time; the equatorial sky of Costa Rica; and lying on the ground with her husband, enchanted by the Milky Way.
Pipher’s perspective in older age is a breath of counsel for readers, offering both the solace of resignation and the challenge of paying closer attention, seeing even more of what the universe has to offer.
Reviewed by Barbara Bamberger Scott
Pipher’s childhood was difficult. She had an emotionally distant mother who studied for a career in medicine and a father who had fought in two wars. The second, in Korea, took him away from the family for several years. Pipher and her two younger brothers almost had to raise themselves, but she found solace in great books (most of which were written by men) and the company of her grandmother, who called her “my Mary” and always baked her favorite cookies when she came to visit.
One early experience of the joy that light can provide was visiting a local, multicolored fountain as they were too poor to pay for other pleasures. She recalls “the way the light danced in the cascades of water” with a rainbow of hues that “carried me away from my everyday life into something vast and universal.” This appreciation has been a comfort and a mainstay throughout a journey that has included becoming a single mother by choice, marrying a man with whom she has spent these last many decades, enduring and mourning the deaths of her parents and others. Through it all, she has kept a circle of close friends and maintained an outreach for extended family.
Pipher’s stories are clear and tangible. She developed a gift for telling tales as a child --- sometimes pure fantasies with her pals as the central characters, other times persuading her friends to act out scenes from great literature. Each chapter in this engaging saga offers memories, metaphors and subtle suggestions. Her experiences of the delights of the bright patches she encounters include her first visit to the San Francisco Bay area with its “green hills with their rows of pastel houses”; the sunlight that suddenly burst through the window as she held her child for the first time; the equatorial sky of Costa Rica; and lying on the ground with her husband, enchanted by the Milky Way.
Pipher’s perspective in older age is a breath of counsel for readers, offering both the solace of resignation and the challenge of paying closer attention, seeing even more of what the universe has to offer.
Reviewed by Barbara Bamberger Scott
July 27, 2022
I enjoOur y Mary Pipher's writing. This book is a memoir on her life as she reflects on childhood, marriage, parenting and the last part of her life. She is in her 70's so she brings the experience to her meditations.
Towards the end of the book there are the lines: "Our great challenge is coming to grips with impermanence. Fortunately, life is a great teacher and offers a continual lesson in loss. Sometimes I accept impermanence and sometimes I resist it. Mostly, I lead a double life, happy day by day, but also aware of the tragedies we carry."
The book is well written and a fast read.
Towards the end of the book there are the lines: "Our great challenge is coming to grips with impermanence. Fortunately, life is a great teacher and offers a continual lesson in loss. Sometimes I accept impermanence and sometimes I resist it. Mostly, I lead a double life, happy day by day, but also aware of the tragedies we carry."
The book is well written and a fast read.
October 20, 2022
Several of Mary Pipher's books (Reviving Ophelia, The Shelter of Each Other, The Middle of Everywhere) had a tremendous impact on how I came to understand various cultural aspects of society. Now her memoir in essays helped me understand the author herself. Pipher was able to navigate a difficult childhood with difficult parents through her connections with nature, siblings, spouse, children, and close friends. It had me reflecting on my own story and how I would tell it. Just right for me at this time in my life. Maybe you, too. Honest, vulnerable, and inspiring.
November 25, 2022
A good book to read on Thanksgiving. Mary Pipher reminisces about her life with an emphasis on how light, both literally and figuratively played a part in her joys. I particularly found her early years interesting. The one thing I had trouble with is her complete refusal to have anger over the worst parts of her parents lack of parenting and even cruelty. As a psychologist, it seems to me that she should be very aware of the power of denial. This is a book that has wisdom from looking back over 70 years of living and is worth the visit.
August 20, 2022
Ironically I was reading this book at the same time that I was reading Midnight Library. Both very similar in regards to making choices in this crazy messy life that bring us light and fulfillment and purpose and grounding. I finished this after I finished Midnight Library are loved it more. It resonates so with aging and figuring out what’s important and putting our energy there.
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