My Demon, My Jesus: Delivered from Demonic Oppression & Suicidal Depression; Brought Back from Death Into Victorious Life, Divine Joy & Visions

by Blue Tapp

A near-death experience, a botched suicide that worked… then didn’t.

God had another plan.

“My Demon, My Jesus” is a Christian memoir about the author’s struggle with suicidal depression and how she conquered her demons.

At 30 years old, Blue Tapp attempted suicide by swallowing a handful of sleeping pills. Her spirit left her body before she was brought back to life in the hospital. Blue is alive today because God miraculously saved her life. Four angels appeared and helped her call for help before she died.

However Blue’s battle with depression was far from over. She spent the next three years addicted to prescription medication under the care of a psychiatrist. But pills cannot cure depression.

Today Blue is completely free of depression and medication. She has learned the keys to living an amazing life of joy and victory. ”My Demon, My Jesus” describes her healing process through meditative prayer. Others who suffer from depression can follow these same steps to reach true lasting healing.

Blue’s healing was miraculous. But it was not instantaneous. It was a process of learning how to think in a healthy way, how to shift thought patterns and spirit life from defeat to victory. Blue’s journey will help others climb their way out of the trap of poisonous thought patterns and prescribed drug addictions. There are so many people fighting this battle…

Blue’s story took another extraordinary twist in 2019. She began experiencing astonishing visions where her soul was taken to heaven to pray for the world with millions of other saints. Today the visions continue weekly with messages from heaven. God wants us to know that He loves and cares deeply about each one of us. He wants us to know Him intimately. All believers are being called to join with the saints in praying for our world, for a great awakening that will draw multitudes of people to the heart of God.

One of God’s charges was to write everything down, every vision in detail. As she did this, a connection became apparent between the visions and her own life journey, from her early experiences of demonic oppression and suicidal depression to eventual miraculous healing. The visions about God’s love were a message of hope to everyone battling depression.

So she’s told it all… from a demonically oppressed disturbed child who also fell in love with Jesus and prayed to become a Christian at six years old…to a suicidally depressed young adult who overdosed on sleeping pills and was brought back from death in the hospital…to years addicted to prescription drugs…to miraculous healing, victorious life, and divine visions. Don’t miss this incredible true story!

227 pages, Hardcover

Published June 19, 2022

About the author

Blue Tapp is an author & perpetual student of the Bible. Her weekly podcast, Join Hands With Heaven, balances Bible study with Holy Spirit teaching.

Blue’s formal education (MA English Literature/PhD Rhetoric & Comp.) allows her to interpret the Bible, which she holds as the inerrant inspired Word of God, in a fresh & truthful way.

Blue’s faith journey includes a troubled childhood of emotional/spiritual abuse & demonic oppression. A suicide attempt in 1997 resulted in an out of body death experience & angelic visitation before she was brought back to life in the ER.

In 2000, Blue was miraculously healed from depression & addiction. Today she leads others to experience the power of relationship with Jesus Christ. Her memoir, “My Demon, My Jesus,” is an international best seller available on Amazon.

Blue & her husband homestead in Blue Eye MO, where they raise chickens, ducks, turkeys, goats & sheep.

Reviews

[Hurrinode]

I am very glad I read this book. The author, Blue, writes with extreme authenticity and bares all — both the good and the bad — in this memoir of her life, which brings a sense of legitimacy to the accounts she provides of her visions both in this book and in her other book: 'Join Hands With Heaven'. After reading her honest recollections of her life and her equally honest accounts of her visions, and after seeing the reverence with which she treats scripture in her approach to interpreting her visions, I do consider Blue to be a living prophetess of our times, and I return to her YouTube channel frequently to see what new insights she has developed and to hear about any more visions that she may have received. I have learned a lot by doing so, and I even began speaking in tongues practically immediately after I finished reading this book last year, which I hadn't been capable of doing beforehand and which I believe may have been the fruits of the Lord working in me through Blue's writing. I have a strong interest in living, Christian prophecy, and I believe in the gifts of the Spirit in modern times, and being exposed to Blue's very direct and visceral experiences of personal interactions with angels, Jesus, and heaven by reading this book early in my walk with Christ cemented this system of belief in me, and so I will remember this book as one of the first and most impactful books that I read when I really began to take my walk with Christ seriously. I am grateful for Blue's writings and for her honesty, as I am still a new Christian, and I have found Blue's scripturally oriented, prophetic ministry useful in directing my path towards Christ. She was the first Christian author/podcaster to introduce me to the 1 John 4:1-3 test, for example, which is something that I wish I had known about and that I wish I had paid heed to much earlier in life with regard to my own interactions with the spirit world, as it would have saved me considerable spiritual troubles.

Her explanation of this test is so cogent, and her inclusion of a practical application so useful, that I will link to the relevant video below:

"I Met A Demon Disguised As An Angel!"
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=J_cyrMYRl3k

As you read this book — and Blue's other book: 'Join Hands With Heaven' — it should become abundantly clear that Blue is divinely guided as a true prophetess of God due to the power of her visions and the allegorical content of these visions, which are no less allegorical or significant than anything you will find in the book of Daniel. It is in fact quite awe-inspiring to consider that Blue is a living prophet in modern times of the kind commonly only read about from ages long past. Perhaps this form of prophecy is more common in modern times than I realise, but it is still rarely encountered in a lot of churches today. I have learned a lot from Blue's books about the nature of interactions between angels and the human realm, as witnessed by Blue herself through her supernatural visions of angels being mediators of our prayers, even congregating in large numbers to mediate our prayers whenever we gather in numbers of two or more people, which is something that Blue has personally witnessed many times. In one of these books, Blue writes about seeing angels dancing in ecstatic joy at any church gathering she has visited, regardless of denomination, spurred on by and enjoining with the worship of God engaged in by the humans who are in attendance, especially when music is playing.

The only point of disagreement I could find with the content of this book, if I must nitpick, is the belief that Blue seems to maintain in the "once saved, always saved" (OSAS) doctrine, which I believe may be a result of her American Protestant Christian background, where this doctrine is a highly popular theological proposal in America, and it is a proposal that seems to be accepted by many American Christians unquestioningly. Blue does not take such an unquestioning stance on the matter, however, and has devoted an entire chapter of this book to the question of what precisely qualifies a believer in Christ as truly "saved" or not, in which she very convincingly explicates all the hidden and rarely considered Greek meanings of the original Greek text of the Gospel passages that relate to the qualifying attributes of a "saved" believer, and in doing so, Blue arrives at a much more nuanced perspective on what qualifies a believer as being "saved" than the arguments I have heard from many other American evangelists. Namely, that while we are indeed saved by grace through faith, Blue argues that to express faith in Christ — in the form of a faith that is a necessary attribute for salvation — involves a lot more than simply acknowledging Christ and acknowledging the necessity of His sacrifice for our salvation at a superficial level and yet continuing in our sins regardless; but that living with a faith that saves us necessitates a total, active, attitudinal shift in our walk through life: a shift that reflects our love for Christ through our willingness to obey His commandments fully, with the natural consequence of such faith being that we express our faith through our fruits, because "faith without works is dead" (James 2:26).

Considering the nature of this explication, I don't consider Blue's belief in "once saved, always saved" (OSAS) to be as dangerous for new believers as it can be when heard from many other sources, because a reader who recognises that they are not already living in this way will likely come to the realisation that they are probably not "saved" according to Blue's qualifying distinctions for this particular status, and so they will proceed to work on their faith and to work on their walk with Christ much more diligently. However, I have encountered too many near-death experience testimonies from people who were believers in Christ at the time of their death — some of whom were seemingly born-again Christians themselves, having diligently pursued Christ since becoming born again and having experienced visions of their own, and who were even capable of speaking in tongues at the time of their near-death experience, and therefore had been "sealed in Christ" at some point before dying — yet found themselves in hell when they died, or who discovered that they were at risk of being sent to hell forever if they had not been brought back to life in time, to believe that salvation is an irreversible ticket. Typically, such near-death experiencers explain that they faced such consequences because they still had some degree of unresolved sin on their heart (which had in fact accumulated since their baptism in the Holy Spirit) at the time of their death. I personally think (and God forgive me if I'm wrong) that the doctrine that a believer in Christ can be unequivocally and irreversibly saved based on some number of qualifying attributes of faith, even if their being saved has been qualified by their heart's walk with Christ (as Blue believes) rather than some superficial acknowledgement of Christ as their saviour, and that they will not lose this status of salvation if they subsequently drift somewhat in their walk with Christ, is a false doctrine and a dangerous doctrine to teach as it cultivates complacency; as it did, to some extent, for me at the time that I believed in this doctrine myself, when I should have been focusing all of my attention on Christ and on becoming truly holy in thought, spirit, and action. I understand the necessity and the concept of finding rest in Christ once one is walking in truth with Christ, but this sense of "rest" should be contingent for the believer on the legitimacy of their walk with Christ, not on a false concept that they are automatically saved simply because they have been baptised in the Holy Spirit. As it is written in Philippians 2:12: "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling".

I personally subscribe to the Eastern Orthodox doctrine of synergism, derived from the Greek word synergos, meaning "working together" or "cooperation", which is the belief that the baptism in the Holy Spirit is merely the first step on the ladder towards salvation, and that this baptism in the Holy Spirit is intended to initially bestow the gifts of the Holy Spirit upon the new believer and to provide the believer with a constant Paraclete (comforter/advocate) who will also convict the believer when they sin so that they know when they must correct themselves.

Since I wasn't entirely aware of what a "baptism in the Holy Spirit" was for some time, even after I had undergone my experience of what I believe was my baptism in the Holy Spirit back in March of 2023, and since all of these distinctions might not be immediately clear, I will clarify that a baptism in the Holy Spirit is a distinct event from the church-ordained baptism by water; although the baptism by water, being a public expression of faith in and acknowledgement of Christ by the believer, is understood to open the gate for the baptism in the Holy Spirit, and the baptism in the Holy Spirit is also believed to typically follow a "laying on of hands" by the clergy upon the believer who has previously been baptised by water. The baptism in the Holy Spirit, as I understand it from my own experience, is a personal and direct experience of the Holy Spirit coming to dwell inside the believer after they have attained to faith in Christ. The baptism in the Holy Spirit bestows the various spiritual gifts of the Holy Spirit upon the believer, and it is a personal acknowledgement and an expression — directly from God — of God's acceptance of the believer as a reciprocal to the believer's expression of faith in Him.

According to the synergistic doctrine, the baptism in the Holy Spirit is not a guarantee of salvation, but simply the opening of the door to salvation, which finds its highest expression in "theosis". Salvation is contingent on the believer continually working with the Holy Spirit in their walk through life in order to remain truly pure and unblemished upon their deathbed and in order to retain the cleansing effect of Christ's sacrifice over their past sins upon dying. In other words, there is no salvation without continual repentance. Without living in synergy with the Holy Spirit in this way, believers who may once have been very holy and had immense faith at one time, but who may have fallen or stumbled without subsequently repenting fully, remaining unrepentant in their hearts on their deathbed after stumbling in this way (in the sense that they still had sins left on their heart that remained unresolved upon their death), will not be saved upon their death after all. Hence the warnings against apostasy that are found in Hebrews 6:4-6 and Hebrews 10:26-29. I believe synergism is a much more realistic view of the nature and requirements of salvation than "once saved, always saved" (OSAS), no matter how nuanced one's views as an OSAS believer may be, and synergism also fosters a much more scrupulous attitude towards one's faith. Synergism aligns much more accurately with the frightening but sobering experiences of a number of born-again believers who died at an untoward time, while they were not walking appropriately in their faith, and who proceeded to be judged unworthy of heaven by the Lord and were sent to hell, before fortunately being brought back to life.

I will include a few such testimonies below:

"I Saw Hell & Jesus Told Me Why Only 2.5% Make Heaven"
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A_eoadbIHBI

"I Left My Body… and Watched Hell Open Beneath Me"
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag908PRj6ws

"I Left my Body and Immediately was Judged by Jesus - Jeff's NDE Hell Testimony"
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zgttgw0bQsk

"HORRIFYING HELL TESTIMONY: OUTSIDE THE GATES OF HELL"
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jMtqbluOF94

"Rod Pickens Gives More Info On His Judgement Day Dream"
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QYE4ue4WvSs

"She Saw Heaven… And Came Back With a WARNING"
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dqI8PzDiY6U

I don't believe that Blue repeats the following argument herself in the book; however, since it is a common argument that is made in defence of "once saved, always saved", I will also say that I personally think that the argument that a person who walks away from Christ simply fell away because they were never truly "saved" in the first place, and that they will therefore not see heaven because they never were in fact ever a member of this eternally blessed category of believers, does not cut the mustard in light of the testimonies above, in several of which truly believing Christians experienced direct rejection from heaven simply because they had become lukewarm over some period of time, having even previously at one point in time been "hot" in their faith (see Revelation 3:16) and having developed the capability of speaking in tongues as the initial evidence of their baptism in the Holy Spirit — and so their exclusion from heaven was not simply because they had never been "saved" in the first place in accordance with the OSAS doctrine.

I will note, however, that I do not deem this difference in doctrine, although it does strike me as a fairly major difference, to be a reason to turn anyone away from Blue's writings or from her channel, as she is a truly scripturally oriented Christian prophetess and evangelist who speaks with great honesty and reflection on many important Christian issues. She always measures her visions and the legitimacy of her visions using the yardstick of how they align with scripture to determine whether they are of God and whether to publish them, which I greatly respect. I also strongly believe that, given the evidently divinely inspired nature of her visions, Blue is on a true mission from God to deliver much-needed prophecy and guidance to modern-day Christians, and as you will see if you buy her books, she is definitely in regular and deep contact with Christ, the Father, and the saints in her visionary form of meditative prayer, during which she prays and receives direct revelation from God with as much vividity and power as any of the famous saints of times long past have done, whose lengthy treatises can be found in the Catholic and Orthodox traditions and who have always been venerated as some of those among that unique handful of people who become so close to God in their walk with Christ that they experience such direct and visionary revelation on a regular basis. This kind of revelatory experience is something that I can only aspire to at present, and it is something that seems to manifest more frequently in dreams than in the kind of overpowering waking visions that Blue experiences. I consider the strength and frequency of Blue's visions to be a testament to Blue's holiness and a testament to the extremely intimate nature of her relationship with Christ. I do not consider any doctrinal difference or inaccuracy in the form of OSAS (if it even is an inaccuracy) to be a reason to believe that Blue would fail to reach heaven, and I would expect Blue to be a much likelier candidate for heaven than me, as I have stumbled very frequently in my own walk with Christ, and in writing these criticisms I do even feel unworthy to speak these criticisms of Blue's apparent doctrine in light of the frequency and strength of Blue's direct, prophetic, revelatory experiences from heaven. So please do take my own words with a pinch of salt, buy Blue's books, and read about her personal revelations for yourself, as many of her prophetic visions are overpowering in their detail and in their allegorical meaning. But I humbly ask that any such reader keep in mind the synergistic argument of salvation that I have put forward here, and that you remember that your salvation may not be guaranteed simply because you have experienced the peace of the Holy Spirit at some point in the past and because you may perhaps speak in tongues. The reality of salvation may be much more tenuous and complicated, and I only wish that Blue would adapt her perspective and include such a disclaimer herself in order to keep new Christians from becoming complacent. I also must state that I do not state this to impugn Blue's character or insights in any way, as Blue's intelligence and enthusiasm for Christ are evident in her writings and in her videos, and I imagine that she has not included any such disclaimer simply because her own walk with Christ is such a positive, intimate, and intense experience, thanks to her many revelatory blessings and visions from God, that she simply can no longer imagine a life in which she would stray in her own walk with Christ, and therefore does not consider with as much scrutiny how easily misled new Christians might become if they don't apply appropriate care to the concept of "once saved, always saved", when straying in our faith and our walk with Christ is a much more common result for those of us who may struggle to receive such direct insights from God as Blue continually receives through her visionary prayers, or when straying is a much more common result for those of us who may suffer from much greater insensitivities to Christ and greater weaknesses of character than Blue may personally have.

[Tammy Kelly]

Powerful and Blessed

I felt every word in this book to the depths of my soul. I truly believed every word. Thank you Blue!

[Margarita Rose]

Eye opening

A book that helps you open not only your mind but your eyes. Makes you think of God in a different perception.

[Michelle]

WOW

I was at a point in my life where I felt like I was losing my self, I was going thru PPD real bad and felt very isolated and I reached out for help and look for outlooks hence; reading books. I don’t believe I’ve stumbled upon this by any accident or coincidence . I don’t know how many times while I was reading this and I was talking to God at the same time. It was wild. Usually, I’d say I’m a fast reader, but I really wanted to take my time to understand this book and I believe God was making me read this at his pace, not mine and certain things would make sense to what was happening in my life at that time when I’d read this or whatever I was going through at that point I would feel encouraged to read it and to stop up to a certain point. I like the thing the author very much for sharing this and will continue to search for other messages like this and God and will share this book to anyone and everyone who needs it thank you so much again God bless!