ew. i love some of lynn painters books, but this was nothing short of exceedingly cringeworthy and icky. those would be euphemisms if i could think of better adjectives right now. it was just ludicrously nonsensical. imagine showing this atrocity to a victorian child. why lynn?? i wish i could give zero stars. i’d highly recommend you to steer clear from this book if you like lynn painter otherwise you will be irrevocably traumatized.
“i dare you not to fall in love with lynn painters writing” and then her writing reads like a 12 year olds wattpad fan fiction in this, actually, those are probably better. anyway, what are you on ali hazelwood? cause that’s debatable, and i beg to differ. HOW could i dare TO?
“wow - he was so tall. he towered over her, which was probably why she felt fidgety and frazzled.” 😀.
“izzy looked at him, feeling like a total derp.”
then there’s all the questionable ubiquitous word choice. if i read “gahhhhh”, “bonkers”, “ohmigod”, or “ohmigawwwd” again, i’m gonna go livid.
there’s nothing much to say about isabella other than the fact that she’s your never-seen-before-not-typical-tiny-unlike-other-girls-fmc, as shown through a plethora of statements! every single opportunity was taken to reiterate that. another one including, “he looked at her - damn, she was short - and she grinned.” or “he wondered why - what the hell was wrong with him - her unorthodox everything was charming the hell out of him.” or “‘they don't like people,’ he said. "’oh, well, i’m not people,’ she replied”
concerning blake/mr chest (that nickname makes me want to SOB. violently, that is. as a society i firmly believe we should abolish such nicknames‼️), i remember nothing at all about him other than the fact that he’s tall, apparently handsome, and has a hard chest with a six pack. (maybe? i’m not sure exactly). though, i’m pretty sure that’s all there was to him.
sometimes i forgot they were adults after seeing how petulant they were and reading their texts:
“Izzy: I'm not answering because I need to think.
Blake: Um...?
Izzy: Imma b honest w/u. I like u and want 2 b ur friend.
Blake: Wtf happened to your texting? Are you a middle schooler now?
Izzy: I'm trying to jot down some ideas before I lose them so that was my attempt at quick-texting.”
“Izzy: Serves you right - the whole thing was your fault (it didn't have to be like that). I have an orange, Saturn-shaped stain in the center of my shirt, so your tie is child's-play.
#CountYourBlessings
Blake: Have a good afternoon, Starbucks Amy.
Izzy: Same to you, Chestie McBestie.” count your days isabella.
romance you may ask? what romance? romance where? all i remember is them being overtly obsessed with each others smell, taste, and appearance, as well as them perpetually making out, having sex, or praising each others appearance. how can you even say you love each other? HOW. i’m genuinely baffled. hence, the lust is prevalent and the romance is practically non-existent. just like my will to live after reading this. i give them 2 weeks before they realize that they don’t like each others appearance anymore and they break up even after saying “i love you”. little horny liars. i don’t care if he said he loves her cause she’s quirky and funny. i’m convinced it’s a lust-induced statement.
more absolutely vile quotes:
-“mr. chest's chest was chestal perfection.”
-“you want me to text you before I sex you?”
-"honey, I was hooked the minute you felt me up in starbucks, checking for a third nipple in those dirty-ass glasses."
-“he is a poo-poo about his flowers”
other random complaints:
-the third act breakup was abhorrent.
-on what felt like every page there was a statement like “was s/he getting butterflies from [some random aspect of the other persons appearance]? no way.. what’s wrong with her/him?” everything. hope this helps! or there was also the question “is it hot in here” an unnecessary amount of times. please stop.
-i don’t care if this was only 200 something pages. it felt like a chore to read from the absurd amount of times i cringed, said “ew” out loud, or grimaced and had to continue.
yada yada. this book and review was a mess. i can’t tell if this was as bad as the spanish love deception or worse. yes, this review mostly consisted of quotes, but honestly a bunch of quotes are all i needed to elaborate. someone come back and tell me when she makes a new do-over and nick stark please and thanks!