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Full of sass, soul, and the type of empowering wisdom that no woman should live without, Choosing ME before WE is like a heart-to-heart with your closest girlfriend. And best of all, you'll discover that your closest girlfriend is your own truest self, inside you, always ready to offer wise, loving advice about what is best for you. Designed to challenge and guide women to create the relationships they want instead of the ones they often find themselves stuck in, this book is packed with stimulating questions to uncover what's true for you, powerful techniques to change old habits that sabotage your dreams, and real-life experiences shared by the author, her friends, and her clients.
134 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2021
255 people are currently reading
2446 people want to read
About the author
Christine Arylo
14 books56 followersChristine Arylo is a transformational teacher, speaker and best-selling author. After earning her MBA and climbing the corporate ladder, she chose to devote her life to creating a new reality for women and girls, one based on self-love and true feminine power instead of the relentless pursuit of having to do, be and have it all.
She is the author of two best-selling books, Choosing ME before WE and Madly in Love With Me, The Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend, and the co-founder of Inner Mean Girl Reform School, which has helped over 23,000 women transform their inner critics. She is also the founder of the international Day of Self-Love, February 13th. She is affectionately known as ‘The Queen of Self-Love.’
Christine has been featured on CBS, ABC, FOX, E!, the Huffington Post, and on radio shows and stages around the world, including TEDx. She normally lives in Northern California with her partner, Noah, but recently they sold their house to live their dream of living, working and speaking and teaching from anywhere in the world.
To find out more about Christine go to www.ChristineArylo.com and www.ChooseSelfLove.com
She is the author of two best-selling books, Choosing ME before WE and Madly in Love With Me, The Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend, and the co-founder of Inner Mean Girl Reform School, which has helped over 23,000 women transform their inner critics. She is also the founder of the international Day of Self-Love, February 13th. She is affectionately known as ‘The Queen of Self-Love.’
Christine has been featured on CBS, ABC, FOX, E!, the Huffington Post, and on radio shows and stages around the world, including TEDx. She normally lives in Northern California with her partner, Noah, but recently they sold their house to live their dream of living, working and speaking and teaching from anywhere in the world.
To find out more about Christine go to www.ChristineArylo.com and www.ChooseSelfLove.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 66 reviews
April 24, 2009
I think we’ve all experienced that moment when we realized that we’ve been living our life in complete denial. Everything seems fine. You are giving and trying to make your relationship work. He seems resistant. If only he’d try a little harder or be a little more attentive. Still, you know you can make this work.
Then, without warning the fairytale falls apart. The relationship breaks down. Sitting alone in the dark eating ice cream, you have an epiphany. Instead of making the exact same mistakes and following the same unhealthy relationship patterns, it is time to love yourself first.
Choosing Me before We looks at nurturing and loving ourselves so that we can be open to a healthy relationship. So many of us seem to believe a relationship is going to fix us and solve all our problems. That’s absolutely true- so long as the relationship we cultivate is with ourselves.
Then, without warning the fairytale falls apart. The relationship breaks down. Sitting alone in the dark eating ice cream, you have an epiphany. Instead of making the exact same mistakes and following the same unhealthy relationship patterns, it is time to love yourself first.
Choosing Me before We looks at nurturing and loving ourselves so that we can be open to a healthy relationship. So many of us seem to believe a relationship is going to fix us and solve all our problems. That’s absolutely true- so long as the relationship we cultivate is with ourselves.
April 28, 2013
UPDATE: Finished the book (like a year of so ago :O). The strength of this book are the journaling questions. The text is very personal, easy going, down to earth advice from a peer. Don't expect scientific explanations or solutions, and if you've read some in this genre, don't expect anything new. Why it works (to some extent BETTER than those scientific books), and why I give it 5 starts, is because of that simple nature.
The writing style is like a discussion over the coffee table, thought provoking and easy to access and you're expected to answer (the before mentioned questions) instead of just listen.
I recommend this to:
those who haven't read a lot on this subject
someone who has read a lot but haven't made any changes/gained real understanding of her own situation
anyone who's up for a little bit of soul searching journaling
ORIGINAL TEXT:So far I've only read less than a fourth of the book and I've already begun to look at myself closer and I've actually found out, by reflecting and writing down my answers to the questions she asks in the book, that I have actual reasons behind some behaviours I really thought nothing about. I am really optimistic as too how this book will go, judging by how it started.
Normally I don't write reviews while I'm reading the books, since, well, you could change your mind! But I felt I had to make an exception here to note how essential it is while reading this book (actually to most non-fiction books, but especially this one) to have a pen and paper nearby and really note down your answers to the *ME reflections*. You can of course just think the answers, but writing them down makes sure that you are thorough and don't ignore one question because it's "too complicated to think about right now", "I'll just see what the rest is first" etc. PEN and PAPER is what makes this book gold, folks.
Now I'm going back to my reading.
The writing style is like a discussion over the coffee table, thought provoking and easy to access and you're expected to answer (the before mentioned questions) instead of just listen.
I recommend this to:
those who haven't read a lot on this subject
someone who has read a lot but haven't made any changes/gained real understanding of her own situation
anyone who's up for a little bit of soul searching journaling
ORIGINAL TEXT:So far I've only read less than a fourth of the book and I've already begun to look at myself closer and I've actually found out, by reflecting and writing down my answers to the questions she asks in the book, that I have actual reasons behind some behaviours I really thought nothing about. I am really optimistic as too how this book will go, judging by how it started.
Normally I don't write reviews while I'm reading the books, since, well, you could change your mind! But I felt I had to make an exception here to note how essential it is while reading this book (actually to most non-fiction books, but especially this one) to have a pen and paper nearby and really note down your answers to the *ME reflections*. You can of course just think the answers, but writing them down makes sure that you are thorough and don't ignore one question because it's "too complicated to think about right now", "I'll just see what the rest is first" etc. PEN and PAPER is what makes this book gold, folks.
Now I'm going back to my reading.
May 10, 2013
Every woman should read this book. If you follow the questions and answer them truthfully and thoughtfully you’ll have a clear understanding of what you actually want from a relationship as well as having clear answers on what is driving your motivation behind those wants and desires. It all sounds so obvious, doesn’t it? You’d think a book like this wouldn’t be necessary in our day and age, but given the relationships and love habits we form with those around us, I think it definitely is!
This book really works to clarify what it is you want from a relationship. That seems like such an obvious statement but it’s one that I think most people taking part in relationships could benefit from. It blows away any ambiguity and really gets down to what you want and what that looks like and why the man you’re with may or may not be that person.
To get the most from this book you will need to be brutally honest and answer all the questions and really look at yourself. There’s no room for ‘what might happen’ and ‘waiting for him to do something’ it totally squashes the whole fairy-tale nonsense so many otherwise intelligent women seem to be waiting for, down to what it is – a lie.
I found it helpful. I’ve read many more books behind the nature and psychology of love but this book was the first that got me to uncover some surprising insights into my own motivations that I really didn’t know were there – but which have affected my opinions regarding men.
This isn’t a pseudo-diagnostic tool, it’s more akin to a casual chat with a good friend over a bottle of wine that uncovers many more home truths than you expected. It’s refreshing and honest.
This book really works to clarify what it is you want from a relationship. That seems like such an obvious statement but it’s one that I think most people taking part in relationships could benefit from. It blows away any ambiguity and really gets down to what you want and what that looks like and why the man you’re with may or may not be that person.
To get the most from this book you will need to be brutally honest and answer all the questions and really look at yourself. There’s no room for ‘what might happen’ and ‘waiting for him to do something’ it totally squashes the whole fairy-tale nonsense so many otherwise intelligent women seem to be waiting for, down to what it is – a lie.
I found it helpful. I’ve read many more books behind the nature and psychology of love but this book was the first that got me to uncover some surprising insights into my own motivations that I really didn’t know were there – but which have affected my opinions regarding men.
This isn’t a pseudo-diagnostic tool, it’s more akin to a casual chat with a good friend over a bottle of wine that uncovers many more home truths than you expected. It’s refreshing and honest.
June 17, 2014
I'm not really into self-help books; however this book really struck home with me. I read Choosing ME Before We after the end of a long-term relationship -- a relationship where I was fairly unhappy in during a good part of its duration. Essentially, this book brings home the point that if you don't love yourself, how could you expect anyone to love you back. This book helped me to re-evaluate my previous relationships, and my attitudes and self-beliefs that contributed to the unsatisfying relationships of my past.
This book is for women of any age and relationship status. I only wish I would've had the chance to read this book when I was in my twenties.
This book is for women of any age and relationship status. I only wish I would've had the chance to read this book when I was in my twenties.
December 16, 2014
This book was recommended to me by a friend, but so far I'm finding it pretty tedious.
…
The book did drag in the beginning, but it picked up as it went on, and there was a lot of really great stuff in it. This may end up being a life-changer.
Notes
p. 40 "How much a man does or doesn't love you is also irrelevant."
p. 41 "How well you do at trying harder, loving more, and doling out ultimatums is similarly immaterial."
If it's not working, none of that matters. And if you're not happy, it's not working.
I can't even begin to calculate how much time I've wasted thinking "Oh, but he loves me so much--how could I give that up?" or "Doesn't he love me any more?" Either way, who cares? If it sucks, it sucks. Move on, self.
p. 43
"Self-promise 3: I choose to be in relationships only with men who are honest, 100 percent responsible for themselves, and committed to being the best they can be--no exceptions."
Yes!!!
p. 44 "Beware! Blips can keep you tied into a relationship with the wrong person for a very long time. Do not wait around for temporary highs to turn into lasting change."
p. 49
"Your partner looks lovingly at you and says, 'I am so grateful that you're in my life. I love you so much for who you are, and I especially appreciate how you help me be an even better me.'"
--much better than "you're my only love, my everything, and I would die without you."
p. 51
"Lie: He completes me." Complete yourself. Let the guy enhance you. You can never be happy until you're a whole person yourself.
p. 63
"I vow to always be honest with ME, to never hide from the truth, no matter what. I commit to unwavering, uncompromising truth about myself and with myself."
p. 67
"1. Do I love ME, all of ME, completely, all the time? (I'm not talking about self-esteem or liking yourself, but deep, unwavering love for yourself.)
"2. Am I committed to MY happiness? (That is, not everyone else's, but yours.)
"3. How do my actions and beliefs support my answers? Or do they contradict them? (No bull, is what you're doing actually making you happy?)"
p. 70
"Loving yourself completely is the unwavering commitment to and active expression of:
1. knowing yourself;
2. accepting yourself;
3. living as the fullest expression of our real ME in all parts of your life; and
4. attracting and allowing into your life only people and situations that support all of the above."
Parts of this:
"Be your own best friend."
"See your magnificence and beauty."
"Love all of yourself, even the not-so-pretty parts."
"Make decisions guided by self-love."
"Change your perspective on beliefs that counter self-love."
"Never apologize for who you are."
"Make unconditional love a requirement for all relationships."
"Give and receive."
p. 78
"The Happiness Gauge
"One way to measure how well we are doing on our journey to love ME is to take pause, reflect on our relationships or life situations, and ask, 'Am I happy?' This question works in large part because it's about no one else but you and how happy you feel. Most of us can easily tell if we're happy or not."
Ask yourself, "Am I really happy? Do my actions and beliefs reflect that?" (overall happiness, not momentary giddy feelings or whatever)
p. 100
Listen to your intuition. She knows a lot, and she's on your side.
p. 117
"When we settle, we don't choose Me; we choose LACK." (emphasis the author's)
p. 125
Signs of a half-relationship:
"- Are there feelings, parts of your life, or topics that you don't share with your partner?
- Are there aspects of yourself that he just doesn't get, no matter how thorough the explanation?
- Does he dismiss what you have to say, or act like he just doesn't care?
- Would he rather turn on the TV or change the subject than have a meaningful conversation?
- Do you sometimes feel lonely, even when he's around?
- Do you wish you could connect with a deeper part of your partner, and are you unable to find the right words?
- Is there a lack of intimacy, emotional or physical, between the two of you?"
p. 145
"Within two months of our dating relationship, I told him, 'I'm just not ready for a relationship.' … His ingenious and sincere reply was, 'Who said anything about a relationship? We can just spend time getting to know each other and have fun.'"
p. 162
"Shortcut 1: avoid unhealthy attraction and choose authentic partnership."
p. 166 warning signs of unhealthy attraction: looking for someone to complete you or cover up your wounds, refusing to listen when all of your friends tell you it's not good, rushing into things.
p. 168
antidotes--tell the truth about:
"Why do you want a HE and a WE in your life?
What kind of HE and WE do you currently have? Does what you have fit what you want?
If it fits, great. If what you have doesn't fit, what line of bull are you feeding yourself to make it okay to stay? In what ways are you settling?"
p. 173
"Shortcut 2: Authentic partnerships take more than love."
Think back to old relationships. "Chances are, the union ended not because you didn't love the man but because of personal differences, illusions, hole stuffing, dishonesty, unhealthy patterns, or a lack of self-awareness, intimacy, trust, or respect. If love were all a person needed to have a great marriage, there'd be far fewer divorces." Need respect, trust, support, friendship, connection, truth.
p. 177
"Shortcut 3: Love alone is never a reason to stay."
Love is not enough to make it work, so it's not enough to stay, either. p. 178 "If we wait for the love to disappear before deciding a relationship has run its course, we will cling forever. Love doesn't go away… One of the biggest fallacies in our society is that people fall out of love. Love changes and shifts, sure, but people fall out of respect, intimacy, and trust. They don't fall out of love." (emphasis the author's)
p. 181 "Shortcut 4: Ending a relationship is not failure; failure is trying to keep a dead one alive."
Life is like a sidewalk. Some people walk with us for a short time and then veer off on their own paths. Some walk with us for a long time. Regardless, we always walk our own path and they always walk theirs. The two just line up sometimes. Freaking out and insisting that relationships be forever just adds pressure and messes everything up. Each relationship is a success if it teaches you something you need to know.
p. 183 "So they made a commitment to stay together for as long as it was good for both of them. If at any time one was unhappy, that person would come forth before deciding to just end the partnership. They also agreed that, even if their relationship didn't work out, they would both be okay. Sad, but okay."
p. 190
"When it gets hard, go deeper."
Er, emotionally, that is. Talk about your fears and what you're feeling.
p. 196
Questions for taking the relationship deeper:
"What are your intentions for your life? [see if they match with yours]
What are your commitments to yourself? [once you know these things, you can count on them]
What does the commitment we're making to each other (that is, marriage, moving in together, and so on) mean to you? How is this different from what we have now? [find out his expectations and why he's doing this]"
…
The book did drag in the beginning, but it picked up as it went on, and there was a lot of really great stuff in it. This may end up being a life-changer.
Notes
p. 40 "How much a man does or doesn't love you is also irrelevant."
p. 41 "How well you do at trying harder, loving more, and doling out ultimatums is similarly immaterial."
If it's not working, none of that matters. And if you're not happy, it's not working.
I can't even begin to calculate how much time I've wasted thinking "Oh, but he loves me so much--how could I give that up?" or "Doesn't he love me any more?" Either way, who cares? If it sucks, it sucks. Move on, self.
p. 43
"Self-promise 3: I choose to be in relationships only with men who are honest, 100 percent responsible for themselves, and committed to being the best they can be--no exceptions."
Yes!!!
p. 44 "Beware! Blips can keep you tied into a relationship with the wrong person for a very long time. Do not wait around for temporary highs to turn into lasting change."
p. 49
"Your partner looks lovingly at you and says, 'I am so grateful that you're in my life. I love you so much for who you are, and I especially appreciate how you help me be an even better me.'"
--much better than "you're my only love, my everything, and I would die without you."
p. 51
"Lie: He completes me." Complete yourself. Let the guy enhance you. You can never be happy until you're a whole person yourself.
p. 63
"I vow to always be honest with ME, to never hide from the truth, no matter what. I commit to unwavering, uncompromising truth about myself and with myself."
p. 67
"1. Do I love ME, all of ME, completely, all the time? (I'm not talking about self-esteem or liking yourself, but deep, unwavering love for yourself.)
"2. Am I committed to MY happiness? (That is, not everyone else's, but yours.)
"3. How do my actions and beliefs support my answers? Or do they contradict them? (No bull, is what you're doing actually making you happy?)"
p. 70
"Loving yourself completely is the unwavering commitment to and active expression of:
1. knowing yourself;
2. accepting yourself;
3. living as the fullest expression of our real ME in all parts of your life; and
4. attracting and allowing into your life only people and situations that support all of the above."
Parts of this:
"Be your own best friend."
"See your magnificence and beauty."
"Love all of yourself, even the not-so-pretty parts."
"Make decisions guided by self-love."
"Change your perspective on beliefs that counter self-love."
"Never apologize for who you are."
"Make unconditional love a requirement for all relationships."
"Give and receive."
p. 78
"The Happiness Gauge
"One way to measure how well we are doing on our journey to love ME is to take pause, reflect on our relationships or life situations, and ask, 'Am I happy?' This question works in large part because it's about no one else but you and how happy you feel. Most of us can easily tell if we're happy or not."
Ask yourself, "Am I really happy? Do my actions and beliefs reflect that?" (overall happiness, not momentary giddy feelings or whatever)
p. 100
Listen to your intuition. She knows a lot, and she's on your side.
p. 117
"When we settle, we don't choose Me; we choose LACK." (emphasis the author's)
p. 125
Signs of a half-relationship:
"- Are there feelings, parts of your life, or topics that you don't share with your partner?
- Are there aspects of yourself that he just doesn't get, no matter how thorough the explanation?
- Does he dismiss what you have to say, or act like he just doesn't care?
- Would he rather turn on the TV or change the subject than have a meaningful conversation?
- Do you sometimes feel lonely, even when he's around?
- Do you wish you could connect with a deeper part of your partner, and are you unable to find the right words?
- Is there a lack of intimacy, emotional or physical, between the two of you?"
p. 145
"Within two months of our dating relationship, I told him, 'I'm just not ready for a relationship.' … His ingenious and sincere reply was, 'Who said anything about a relationship? We can just spend time getting to know each other and have fun.'"
p. 162
"Shortcut 1: avoid unhealthy attraction and choose authentic partnership."
p. 166 warning signs of unhealthy attraction: looking for someone to complete you or cover up your wounds, refusing to listen when all of your friends tell you it's not good, rushing into things.
p. 168
antidotes--tell the truth about:
"Why do you want a HE and a WE in your life?
What kind of HE and WE do you currently have? Does what you have fit what you want?
If it fits, great. If what you have doesn't fit, what line of bull are you feeding yourself to make it okay to stay? In what ways are you settling?"
p. 173
"Shortcut 2: Authentic partnerships take more than love."
Think back to old relationships. "Chances are, the union ended not because you didn't love the man but because of personal differences, illusions, hole stuffing, dishonesty, unhealthy patterns, or a lack of self-awareness, intimacy, trust, or respect. If love were all a person needed to have a great marriage, there'd be far fewer divorces." Need respect, trust, support, friendship, connection, truth.
p. 177
"Shortcut 3: Love alone is never a reason to stay."
Love is not enough to make it work, so it's not enough to stay, either. p. 178 "If we wait for the love to disappear before deciding a relationship has run its course, we will cling forever. Love doesn't go away… One of the biggest fallacies in our society is that people fall out of love. Love changes and shifts, sure, but people fall out of respect, intimacy, and trust. They don't fall out of love." (emphasis the author's)
p. 181 "Shortcut 4: Ending a relationship is not failure; failure is trying to keep a dead one alive."
Life is like a sidewalk. Some people walk with us for a short time and then veer off on their own paths. Some walk with us for a long time. Regardless, we always walk our own path and they always walk theirs. The two just line up sometimes. Freaking out and insisting that relationships be forever just adds pressure and messes everything up. Each relationship is a success if it teaches you something you need to know.
p. 183 "So they made a commitment to stay together for as long as it was good for both of them. If at any time one was unhappy, that person would come forth before deciding to just end the partnership. They also agreed that, even if their relationship didn't work out, they would both be okay. Sad, but okay."
p. 190
"When it gets hard, go deeper."
Er, emotionally, that is. Talk about your fears and what you're feeling.
p. 196
Questions for taking the relationship deeper:
"What are your intentions for your life? [see if they match with yours]
What are your commitments to yourself? [once you know these things, you can count on them]
What does the commitment we're making to each other (that is, marriage, moving in together, and so on) mean to you? How is this different from what we have now? [find out his expectations and why he's doing this]"
January 27, 2013
EVERY woman, and I do mean EVERY should read this book. I reviewed this once on a blog I used to have and the author herself sent a very kind email, saying she was glad I found "her," referring to the book. It leaped off of a shelf at me during a very low point in my life and completely enlightened me. I continue to follow Arylo's work because she teaches something everyone should learn-how to live your own life in your own way.
June 10, 2015
I'd give this a 3.75. This was really good for a bit and then got incredibly monotonous. Still, it gave me what I needed at the time--a reminder to focus on what I need and not being in a relationship. As someone actively not dating (very different from not actively dating), this was a welcome reminder to honor myself and learn to love being on my own.
May 7, 2023
I started this AGES ago as an audiobook. There are some good exercises but SO MANY EXERCISES. Like pages and pages of journalling and I wasn’t really up for that and it didn’t work great as an audiobook, would be better as a workbook. I got some reaaaallly important nuggets of wisdom and don’t regret reading but it was super repetitive.
April 24, 2011
An empowering guide explaining methods on how to mobiize feminine super powers; loving yourself first and foremost and being open to receiving.
June 19, 2012
A wonderful gem for women. I think every woman should read this before making or considering making a serious commitment to someone in her life.
February 27, 2013
Every woman should read this book. It's a workbook on learning to love yourself and once you do, you are better equipped to chose the perfect partner.
December 2, 2021
Book written for single women by a woman who was single for three months. Zero credibility.
April 5, 2024
I am not sure if this was also Christine's intention with the book, but l see this book more as 'Choosing Me before Everything'. The book helped me to understand not only the importance to put myself first but it is also helping me to keep myself before any relationship whether personal, professional or social. Exercises, food for thought and questions in the book for the reader to answer, helped me to unpeel another layer from me and open up to new challenges of life. Journey is bit difficult but not impossible and I am happy that I took the first step by choosing this book to guide me. A must read if you wish to rediscover yourself.
May 14, 2013
I found this book at thrift store in Chicago’s Andersonville neighborhood, just a week or so after I’d had my heart broken, and the title called out to me: “Choosing ME before WE.” It seemed like a sign. I paid a dollar for it, and it still smelled like the perfume of the previous owner. (It was apparently some damn strong perfume, because months later, it STILL smells a little like it.)
It always seems a little cheesy or overwrought to me to say “This book changed my life,” but CMBW made me realize that sometimes.. it’s just true. This book indeed changed my life. It changed my attitude about myself, about others, and about my relationships with others.
This isn’t a book you can just read; it’s a book you must DO. You have to answer all the questions (or at least most of them), and you have to sit and think about them. Arylo tells it to you like it is.. but in a way that a therapist or a good friend might. She’s not accusing you, she’s just telling you. And like a good therapist or friend, she doesn’t tell you what you need to change, exactly; she teases it out of you. She tells you—and more importantly, makes you tell yourself – over and over and over that you are a worthy person, and that you deserve an authentic partnership with a worthy person. I remember getting to her definition of an authentic partnership; it involves respect, intimacy, trust, truth, and friendship. WHA? It seems so obvious, doesn’t it? Yet, I had realized that my last two relationships had had none of those things. Imagine if I’d picked up the book before them! Of course, as Arylo reminds us, every relationship is there to teach us a lesson.
Some of the exercises and activities may seem silly to you. Do them anyways. I ended up finding them fun, and they filled me with hope – but not in that hokey way of “oh, my dream man is out there.” It was more like, “My dream man may or may not be out there, but I don’t need to settle for less if he’s not, because I have me.”
I would recommend this book for:
-any single woman
Even women in relationships could benefit from this. Between this book and “The Five Love Languages,” I think that love—even loving ourselves—is a choice we must make every day, and more importantly, commit to. I have already bought a brand new (non-perfumed!) copy for a friend—and I never buy new books for friends, I usually just give away old copies. But I refuse to part with my own copy. I had a minor freak out one day and this book brought me back to reality and reminded me that I was good enough. I plan on going back to it many times.
It always seems a little cheesy or overwrought to me to say “This book changed my life,” but CMBW made me realize that sometimes.. it’s just true. This book indeed changed my life. It changed my attitude about myself, about others, and about my relationships with others.
This isn’t a book you can just read; it’s a book you must DO. You have to answer all the questions (or at least most of them), and you have to sit and think about them. Arylo tells it to you like it is.. but in a way that a therapist or a good friend might. She’s not accusing you, she’s just telling you. And like a good therapist or friend, she doesn’t tell you what you need to change, exactly; she teases it out of you. She tells you—and more importantly, makes you tell yourself – over and over and over that you are a worthy person, and that you deserve an authentic partnership with a worthy person. I remember getting to her definition of an authentic partnership; it involves respect, intimacy, trust, truth, and friendship. WHA? It seems so obvious, doesn’t it? Yet, I had realized that my last two relationships had had none of those things. Imagine if I’d picked up the book before them! Of course, as Arylo reminds us, every relationship is there to teach us a lesson.
Some of the exercises and activities may seem silly to you. Do them anyways. I ended up finding them fun, and they filled me with hope – but not in that hokey way of “oh, my dream man is out there.” It was more like, “My dream man may or may not be out there, but I don’t need to settle for less if he’s not, because I have me.”
I would recommend this book for:
-any single woman
Even women in relationships could benefit from this. Between this book and “The Five Love Languages,” I think that love—even loving ourselves—is a choice we must make every day, and more importantly, commit to. I have already bought a brand new (non-perfumed!) copy for a friend—and I never buy new books for friends, I usually just give away old copies. But I refuse to part with my own copy. I had a minor freak out one day and this book brought me back to reality and reminded me that I was good enough. I plan on going back to it many times.
January 15, 2016
I liked this book because it really makes you think in ways that may be different than you're used to. At times it was tough, even painful, to make myself evaluate some of the things she has you look at inside yourself, but I think that makes it even better to read. If you're not willing to dig deep you won't like this book. You have to be willing to truly look at your life & how you have been prioritizing things.
June 17, 2012
I am only 25% done with this book, and oh my gosh! It sure demand for my hardwork to jot down my every 'ME reflections'. I feel like i am on the way to get to know myself better and hopefully, found the inner me when i am done with this book!
September 15, 2012
Love this book! I recommend it to many who struggle to love and accept who they are and those who think its all about their partner. Before reading this I had know idea who I was and what my passions in life are. Today I am beautiful. KR
October 25, 2014
You should 100% have a journal while reading this book. You will discover a lot, even if it at times seems repetitive and obvious. After finishing it I am looking forward to attracting the man I truly desire, but I am honestly more excited about having fun loving MYSELF in or out of a relationship!
July 23, 2015
This is a great Awesome book.
May 7, 2022
What an absolutely brilliant and helpful book. The perfect read at the perfect time.
Not so long ago, someone told me I don't love myself enough, and that this apparent small problem, was the catalyst of all my bigger ones. I believed this person until a certain extent, until I didn't start reading this book. It gave me so much insight, so much strength, a lot of advice, and also support: because while reading the pages, I felt like I was not the only one, and not alone in this. It also gave me hope, and empowerment. Hope, because it is clear that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Empowerment because there is only one truth: nothing changes unless you change and do something about it. I already learned to love myself a little more after finishing this book, and I truly believe this will be one of those rare books that I will re-read one day.
Not so long ago, someone told me I don't love myself enough, and that this apparent small problem, was the catalyst of all my bigger ones. I believed this person until a certain extent, until I didn't start reading this book. It gave me so much insight, so much strength, a lot of advice, and also support: because while reading the pages, I felt like I was not the only one, and not alone in this. It also gave me hope, and empowerment. Hope, because it is clear that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Empowerment because there is only one truth: nothing changes unless you change and do something about it. I already learned to love myself a little more after finishing this book, and I truly believe this will be one of those rare books that I will re-read one day.
April 1, 2018
I didn’t finish this book because I felt I was at the point where I didn’t need it anymore, but I got 80% of the way through it. It resonated strongly with me when I was feeling at my low point in a bad relationship and made me realize my priorities were out of whack, that I wasn’t being treated right, and that both he and I were undervaluing me. I was getting happiness from the wrong places, which resulted in a pretty bad self esteem that hinged on how other people treated me. So all in all, it was a good book that helped me come to a lot of striking realizations. Would recommend it to friends going through the same thing. :)
February 27, 2020
I'm going to be very honest. This book seems to be aimed towards people who've been in multiple relationships but the tone seems to aim towards highschool or young adult early 20s etc. It's also aimed towards people who've been through trama and haven't really dealt with it and instead, it reflected through their relationships. It's a really specific niche if you think about it and you'll probably have to relate to it as well as the author for this book to be of any use. This is also a really good book if you want understanding and if you hide from your emotions a lot or if you pretend that your sadness doesn't exist. This book will make you face it once and for all. It's kind of like therapy in its own way with stories that may or may not be similer to your own. I suppose I don't really like it because I'm increadibly honest with myself and most of my answers are hm well no bc ..... I suppose it's mostly because I haven't been in enough traumatizing relationships to be able to relate this author. I just couldn't handle the amount of reflections either and I'm not even halfway even though its been 2 months simply because it can be increadibly annoying. But if you're patient enough and willing to take your time, I'm sure this book will teach you at least 1 thing wheather it be about yourself or just men in general.
February 1, 2021
I found this book a bit too obvious - listen to your instinct and follow your gut is essentially what it tells you with a smattering of examples. Good advice but common sense if you ask me. The biggest fault I find with this book is that it doesn't really explore "new" concepts or push readers to actually explore themselves. It actually reads a bit like a personal journal your future self would write to your past self. I'm sure that this book has probably helped some people but I just didn't see much value in the concepts for myself since I already do the majority of what she reccommends.
March 19, 2021
2.5
What I liked is it was everything I was thinking just written. The bad part is she kinda discredits herself in the "HE" chapter after informing us to not just jump into a relationship. She (as in the author) did. Christine got into a relationship and married after breaking up with a guy who she said she loved for 15 years. Yes, she explains reasons. I know ..no one is perfect. We are all human its going to happen. But when you just tell your reader dont, and you did...
Idk man
The book just felt weird after that
What I liked is it was everything I was thinking just written. The bad part is she kinda discredits herself in the "HE" chapter after informing us to not just jump into a relationship. She (as in the author) did. Christine got into a relationship and married after breaking up with a guy who she said she loved for 15 years. Yes, she explains reasons. I know ..no one is perfect. We are all human its going to happen. But when you just tell your reader dont, and you did...
Idk man
The book just felt weird after that
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 5, 2023
my sister gave this book to me two and a half years ago when i was crying in my room over a boy who had just broken my heart and now i just got to it (am now in a steady relationship). uhhh this is kinda mid, coming from my perspective and personal stories and there was something about it that i’ve seen emphasized so much in the internet that i already connected the dots to. it was in depth, definitely but i dozed off on a lot of sections
September 1, 2017
Beautiful and inspiring - about creating a relationship that is rooted in true honesty and love towards yourself and your partner as opposed to denial or fantasies about what you wish the relationship could be. Grounded in self-love, you can create a relationship that is nourishing and fulfilling for both yourself and your partner. Beautiful!
June 11, 2021
This is an excellent book! It’s simple reading and understanding that gets to the point! I only wish this book existed when I was in my 20s; however, it’s never too late to begin my journey that focuses on ME!! Focuses on YOU, the one reading this review! It’s a great gift to give yourself and to others. I’ve already gifted four of my friends. You’ll want to as well. Just you wait!
November 28, 2017
While Madly in Love With Me is still my #1 Christine Arylo choice (I regularly buy them for my friends) this is a great read, whether you are in a relationship or not. Most of the book is about getting your own self right before prioritizing relationships. Good stuff!
September 20, 2018
it one of the best self help book i have ever read , you can learn and understand that everything begin within you , it does not matter about any thing else or any other person , it all matter about you , every relationship start with your relationship with your self
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