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754 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 1, 2018
On a second reading, I began to familiarize myself with certain passages, just as we get to know the main streets of a town once we’ve walked around it a few times. And so I strolled through the letter again, carefully avoiding the main streets. I peered around the corners of side streets. I walked down them. And I began to enjoy the town once I was brave enough to venture into its cul-de-sacs and forbidden zones.
Once I know I am writing for a newspaper which is widely read, unlike a book which will only be read by those who are interested in literature, then my style automatically changes. Not that I mind changing my style. On the contrary. But I should prefer any changes to be more radical and deeply felt so that they might be reflected in the writing. But to change one's style for a weekly column? To write in a lighter vein simply to please the general reader? To be entertaining and provide a few moments of distraction? And there is another thing: when I write a book I try to communicate in depth with myself and with my reader. Here in the newspaper, I simply chat to my readers and I am delighted to find that they are satisfied. But to be honest, I am far from satisfied.
I write at typewriter speed and, when I look at what I’ve written, I realize that I’ve revealed a certain part of me. I think that even if I wrote about the problem of coffee overproduction in Brazil, I would still end up being personal. Am I on the verge of becoming popular? What a frightening thought. I’m going to see what I can do, if I can do anything. I’m consoled by something Fernando Pessoa wrote, and which I read somewhere: Speaking is the simplest way of making ourselves unknown.
The sense of beauty is our link with infinity. It is our way of connecting to it. There are moments, albeit rare, when the existence of infinity is so present that we experience a kind of vertigo. Infinity is a coming into being. It is always the present, indivisible by time. Infinity is time. Time and space are the same thing.
Night-blooming Jasmine—Has the scent of the full moon. It is phantasmagorical and a little frightening: it only comes out at night, with its intoxicating smell, mysterious, silent. It belongs also to deserted street corners and darkness, to the gardens of houses with their lights turned off and their shutters closed. It is dangerous.
It is three in the morning. I am having one of my bouts of insomnia. I made myself some coffee since sleep seem unlikely. I put too much sugar and the coffee tested horrid. I can hear the waves beating against teh shore. Tonight is different because as you asleep I am talking to you. I break off, go out on the terrace, look down on to the street, the long, narrow strip of beach and the sea. It is dark. I think of my favourite people: they are all asleep or out enjoying themselves. Some of them even might be drinking whisky. My coffee tastes even sweeter and becomes quite undrinkable. The night turns darker. I am sinking into painless melancholy. It is not bad. Only to be expected. Tomorrow i might experience some happiness, not exactly ecstasy, just happiness. And that is not bad either.
Until day began to break, almost very slowly to break. No one was tired, although it was high time that we were. We walked. And on the street corners of Paris, San Tiago discovered the first flower sellers. Impossible to say how many roses he bought me. I know that they were too many for me to hold, and roses spilled onto the ground as I went. If I’ve ever been pretty, it was on that early Paris morning with roses overflowing from my full-to-the-brim arms. And a man who heaps a woman with flowers like that is not coldly lucid.
‘Long before I felt “art,” I felt the profound beauty of struggle. But I have a simpleminded way of approaching social issues: I wanted to “do” something, as if writing were not doing.’ (It is true as a teenager she went to study law because she wanted to reform penal system in Brazil.) ‘What I’m incapable of doing is using writing for that purpose, however much that inability pains and humiliates me. The problem of justice is for me so obvious and basic a sentiment that I cannot feel surprised by it—and if I’m not surprised I cannot write. Also because for me writing is seeking. The sense of justice was never something I needed to search for, never something I discovered, and what shocks me is that this isn’t equally obvious to everyone.’
Man was programmed by God to solve problems, but he has started to create them rather than solve them. The machine was programmed by man to solve the problems that he created. But the machine is actually beginning to create problems that disorient and swallow up man. The machine continues to grow. It’s huge now. To the point where man ceases to be a human organism.
When you cannot find the words to express what is actually there, you have the impression of being blind. At such moments one stops for a coffee. Not that coffee helps one to find the right word but it represents a wild gesture of liberation, a gratuitous act which brings freedom..
For me, reading Clarice was at times like watching a hummingbird in flight, its wings beating furiously, keeping itself airborne while fleetingly sipping nectar. She wrote her columns whenever inspiration struck; she didn't sit down to write simply because she had a deadline to meet....Her Cronicas exist as a vast gold mine which one can dip into and come out crusted with treasures.