*3.65*
TW: homophobia, racism, rape, child abusers, violence, transphobia, death penalty, slavery and more.
“I was born to be nothing, but I have turned myself into something”
I want to start this off by saying thank you so much to the publisher for sending me an early copy of this book/ much love🖤
I feel SO conflicted about this book, but I think it’s because I went into it with the wrong expectations. I thought this was a book about romantic gay love throughout history, the difficulties of navigating in a world that wants to kill you, a book about community and find safe spaces to hide away from the world together. and in a way, it was. but the majority of this book was not like that.
we follow John Church, an orphan with a dark past preaching about how radical love of total acceptance is the only way for humanity to survive. I loved the idea of a man of god preaching these beliefs, but for a man who is paid and admired to share his thoughts- he’s very uneducated. throughout the entirety of this book Church reveals that he is under read, under educated and actually has very little understanding of radicalism (weird considering he claims and preaches about being a radical.) church meets Ned, an African man who escaped slavery and is attempting to live a normal free life whilst battling the traumas of his past. church and Ned begin a romantic relationship, very much like a flame. It ignites fast but burns out faster.
their relationship though? not the sweet gay romance I expected it to be. church is a very manipulative and controlling individual, who constantly pushes neds boundaries and fails to consider the dangers of not only being gay but also a person of colour. Ned specifically states he does not wish to have sex, so church puts him in a situation where he knows he will give in. Ned states he does not wish to go to the molly house, so church leads him there under false pretences and pressure him into going inside. Ned breaks up with church, so church begins to stalk him, waiting on his street for days just to get a glimpse of him, sending him countless amount of letters that change from romantic declarations of love to violent rages centred around betrayal.
church is an emotional, manipulative yet inspiring and conflicting man. he is such a complex and well written character that whenever I think about unreliable narrators, he will inevitably come to mind. I started off loving him, and as the book developed those positive feelings became eerie and uncomfortable.
I think I was expecting this book to be an accurate retelling of gay history (which it was) but told through a romantic story of overcoming and community (which it wasn’t) that’s not to say this is bad, I loved the direction this book took and thought it was such an important piece of history to tell. however, my major flaw is this: we get to page 200 as the convictions regarding sodomy arise, yet by page 275 all trials have been dealt with, sentences have been given and there’s very little detail of much else. Church himself went to prison and you don’t even discover that in the book (only in the afterword.) In my opinion, if I’m going to read a book about gay history told from such a dark yet realistic position, I would’ve likes more information regarding the life of those who were prosecuted after the fact.
however, this was a beautiful, intelligent book of such importance and I thoroughly enjoyed it.