Nobody Ever Told Me Anything

by Rachael "Steak" Finley

At 11 years old, Rachael Finley was left alone, squatting in a vacation rental in South Florida. What she wasn't told leads the story, and her reinvention from foster child to internet phenom , cancer survivor to fashion designer, is as wild as her résumé, which runs the gamut from skate graphics, touring with heavy music bands, hosting TV, modeling, and acting as a (current) streetwear CEO. In this provocative, deeply personal memoir, Finley tells all, taking the reader by the heartstrings and stumbling through her life's many aches and lucky breaks. Stripped of self-pity and categorically honest, Finley pays homage to the state that raised her, and the mother who, even in her absence, prepared her for all that was to come.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography

280 pages, Paperback

First published September 18, 2022

Reviews

[Meghan Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir from Rachael “Steak” Finley was such a potent & real collection of stories from her tumultuous youth & past few years spent finding herself. I felt understood in the way she captured many feelings I’ve also experienced in life with men, my hometown, friends, LA, & having an online presence. Steak also shared a very vivid & detailed portrayal of her abandonment at age 11 where she squatted in a Florida home for months waiting for her mom to return. After finishing this amazing book, I am now left feeling like I do each time I read an utterly honest memoir… Honored to have been able to sit with these stories. I’ve been following Steak since I was in high school. Admittedly, I was never a tumblr reader of hers, but I quietly watched her journey over the years breaking into clothing design & always loved supporting her brands Teenage & Hot Lava. (P.S. If you see this Steak bring back the HL swim shorts please mine have been worn so much they’re see through now 😂) When I saw she released her memoir, my best friend & I both bought it & were stoked to support this self-published collection from someone we followed, but didn’t know much about. I don’t know what I was expecting from this book, but I can now say I probably fell into the category of many people who have underestimated Steak in her life. Towards the end of this book, she describes how much she “loves being a walking, talking contradiction, challenging people to underestimate her abilities based on the shit they’ve seen or heard or read.” I ended up being quite simply blown away by her writing style & underlined so many powerful quotes. I’ll include some of my favorites here: “I forgive myself for anything I have done as a means of connecting, of learning, of loving.” “Curling into the back of her body as tightly as our separate skins would allow, knowing that no amount of closeness could replace hope” “Trying my best to straggle the line between attention-grabbing & nonexistent”… There are so many more. Please read this powerful collection of stories from a woman who had worn many hats & writes about them all! I’m so glad I read this & look forward to seeing what she does in the future.

[Micaela · Rating 5 out of 5]

I discovered Rachael online in 2016 or 2017, and like so many others, felt a kinship with her through the screen. Being someone who was also under-parented, I found myself reading and internalizing hundreds of pages of her tumblr advice column when I had no one else to turn to. I still have screenshots of Steak’s bad advice, which has molded my brain to the extent that I’m unsure of who I’d be if it weren’t for her. Everything from my work ethic to getting into therapy to figuring out my sense of style can all be attributed back to Steak Talk.

Not until I started Nobody Ever Told Me Anything did I realize that Rachael’s life parallels my own in so many ways that it was heartbreaking at times, and nearly comical at others. Things that I had never told anyone were right there on the page, but they were Rachael’s words— not mine. The mice! The fucking mice. It never occurred to me that other 10 year olds had to soothe their mothers as they were having alcoholic hallucinations of mice invading their homes. As horrifying as those types of memories are, Rachael has done an incredible job of putting it all out there without a shred of judgement for anyone in her life (including herself). Even when you can feel her anger on the page, Rachael remains coolheaded and mature whilst recounting 269 pages worth of tough lessons and heartbreaking trauma. My mother (now 12 years sober!) wrote to me on a recent birthday card that my self-awareness allows for me to see the best in others, and I firmly believe that the same is true about Rachael.

Community can be one of the strongest, most uplifting forces in our lives that pushes us to continue showing up for ourselves and one another. When I attended her reading at the MOCA here in Los Angeles, Rachael asked me how to spell my name for the signing. When I told her and she responded, “Micaela spelled like Rachael! A-E-L!”, I knew that she was my kind.

Thank you, Rachael.

[Chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for writing this book. It was funny, heart wrenching, sweet, honest and straight to the point. I loved her no nonsense writing style. I think it was very brave of her to share parts of her life with so many people. I recommend this book even if you don’t know who Rachel Finley is.

[Elizabeth Pecoraro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. First five star in a while…. Everything about this book was good quality, in my opinion. From the plot, to the character development, to the WRITING (which I absolutely loved), to the pacing, timeline, etc. Rachael invites the reader into her life, her development , and it’s so interesting and so good. I loved this book and everything about it.

[Sadie Marsden]

No star review because truly do not know how I feel yet!! Do I like/care about Steak “more” after reading? No. Are they a reliable or even traditionally good narrator? No. Was I thoroughly entertained throughout? Yes. Did I feel like I was reading a bunch of tumblr shit posts strung together? Also kind of yes. So there’s that

[Kaitlyn Dallas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t even need to say anything because she said it all. GIRLS RULE BOYS DROOL 🦎🦎🦎

[Jessica Werbany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably my top book this year. the pain. the overcoming. the feelings and vulnerability Rachael gives. 11/10

[Sar · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been following Rachael since her Bad Advice days on tumblr so I feel a sort of friendship with her (as weird as that may sound) so when she announced her book, I was keen to read it. This is the first memoir I’ve ever read and damn how are others going to top this? I couldn’t put it down, Nobody Ever Told Me Anything is raw, I had tissues close by pretty much the entire time I was reading. Thank you, Steak, for opening up and sharing your beautiful, heart wrenching story to the world.

[Allie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A new friend sent me this book after the death of my biological father who I’m estranged from passed away. I’m truly in awe at how seen I felt by her after reading this. I needed this book, I am so grateful for it. Connecting to Rachael and seeing things spelled out for me that I didn’t even knew I had in me to relate to - that is something I’ll cherish. Cried and laughed - a lot. Really so special.

[emma white · Rating 5 out of 5]

i devoured and loved this book and will be thinking about many parts of it for quite some time i’m sure!!!!! i would be lying to call this an unbiased review but even if i hadn’t been a SteakTalk reader since high school i couldn’t see myself not loving it. so honest and heartbreaking and funny and all of the things that made me follow and love her blog 10+ years ago

[Alicia A. · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is so much I can say but, I’ll keep it short. I have been following steak for 12 years now and she has always been someone I’ve strived to be like. Especially growing up as a young girl also from the swamps of Naples. This book is incredible, she’s a survivor, and an absolute force. She gave everyone a precious gift with this memoir.

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I used to love Rachael’s blog on tumblr. I couldn’t tell you how I found it but I had never read anything more honest in my life. Her book is so insightful, heartbreaking and full of love. Tell me why I cried at the end?

[McKinzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this book was twice as long. Steak is an incredible writer and story teller and an absolute BAD ASS.

[stephhhh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, Steak, for your stories and lessons.

[Sydney · Rating 5 out of 5]

steak is a swamp girlie

[Alex Tompkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Steak’s memoir is the first one I think I’ve ever read and finished, and honestly, she set the bar high. It felt a bit impossible for me to dislike it. Her writing style, the carefree, tell-all nature of the stories, her link to the early internet and bar fights and celebrity stories, all down to a sensitive yet wild core that is the personality of Rachael Finley. And maybe it’s because I’m also a Leo and understand her constant shift from “I don’t give a fuck” to “the world is crumbling”, but it all felt too relatable despite most of her life experiences being completely un-relatable to me. She embraces the feeling of lost. She embraces falling hard. For not knowing what’s coming next but knowing that it’ll probably work out somehow. And like memories or recalling the entirety of your life, there are some inconsistencies here and there and some editing errors which are easy to overlook considering it’s self-published. It’s HARD to recall your life’s memories and experiences and condense them into a nearly 300-page book, which is why she gets 4 stars for me. And for all of that, it’s the reason why her book is one of my favorites I’ve read in a while!

[Selma June · Rating 3 out of 5]

Found this one fascinating after having an extensive parasocial relationship with Steak for many years through tumblr, Twitter, Instagram etc. Given she became known to many of her followers through her then extremely hyped and famous husband, it was fascinating to read her life story being defined by the several relationships she had with males and her acknowledgment that a distinct lack of family support and community meant many of her decisions were driven by the man she was with at the time. This is true of so many women and makes me so sad because I get it wholly. She’s tough!

[Maddie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great book, very honest. Enjoyed so many of the wisdoms she had to share. My one note is that, while I understand the representation of an eating disorder can be very wrapped up in numbers (weight, calories, etc) I think actually including these numbers in the book could be damaging to the girls who read it (which is unfortunate because they SHOULD read it, it's a great tale of empowerment and womanhood). Just a thought.

[Pascale Queralt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just love her

[Marisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Steak <3 my og niche internet micro celeb

[Julie Jensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

So interesting and raw. I didn’t want it to end. Some stories make you wonder how is this real and some stories are so relatable it hurts. Will read anything she writes forever.

[Mina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not a Rachael/Steak fan.

Now hear me out. I'm not saying I'm a hater. What I mean is, during Tumblr's heyday, she operated on a different corner of the internet than the one I was frequenting. But she still made it in to my orbit sometimes. I found her interesting enough to scroll through her feed sometimes. But I'm not a member of her core audience, not the one that grew up with her.

Something piqued my curiosity when a post about her book showed up on my Instagram explore page. I followed the link on her profile like she instructed and noticed there was a sample of the ebook available for free. So on a particularly boring evening, I figured I'd give it a read. I immediately devoured the 30 minute sample, and without hesitation, took out my credit card and purchased the full version.

I read all 400 pages in one day.

Let me make something clear: this is not the hastily compiled blatherings of an Instagram influencer written at the behest of a fat advance from a publisher and a strict deadline. I'm embarrassed to say I've wasted my time on a few of those.

For one, it was completely self published. And the writing reflects the painstaking work of an author who was fully invested in telling her story thoughtfully. Finley is an incredible storyteller. And the writing is both stylistically sophisticated and easy flowing. I'd venture to stay Harestead, the editor, didn't spare any efforts in her tight editing throughout these chapters.

Forgive the cliche, but I laughed and cried reading this. Finley's stories are insane but believable. The characters in her memories are dynamic and complex. In some of the more harrowing, painful moments, Finley tells her story with neither the saccharine sweet fake truisms of someone stubbornly committed to forgiveness, but strays far from making herself to be a perpetual victim. She takes responsibility. She gives grace. She takes a few moments to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

I feel this book in my heart. Despite living a very different life than its author's, I feel like I learned a lot from her. Like that I could change the course of someone's life by just offering them a couch to sleep on when they need it. Or that a kind smile from a stranger in a sea of hostility will let someone know they're safe. That the antidote to life is to just keep living.

In the spirit of fairness I will say there are some minor continuity/timeline issues, and a few errors in the Kindle version (something went wrong with black bars). For example, she mentioned breaking up with a certain boyfriend but in terms of timing, she had been with a completely different boyfriend the chapter before, and you never read that name ever again. It's fine though — these are the kinds of things you forgive when you're reading something that is real, authentic, vulnerable, and not manufactured and tied together with a bow.

There were times in this book when I wanted to be Rachael's mom. Other times I wanted to be her daughter. Other times, her friend. I started this review saying I'm not a fan. And I'm still not (you'll see why "fan" is a tricky word for her if you read the memoir). But I am someone who's learned a lot from Rachael, even though no one ever told her anything.

[B · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you were birthed from the muggy, swampy, unforgiving and relentless landscape of Florida, hidden behind a mask of comfort and pleasure in the form of pastels, parrots and seashells...where the people actively beat away the wilderness to maintain what's "theirs" in a landscape that wants you gone and will leave no trace when you are... well this book is for you. The Florida Girl is her own breed. Not the one you're familiar with if you aren't one. Not the gun toting, homophobic, drug fiend slut they want you to believe in, the crazy girl. She relentless, she has survived despite the odds, despite the dangers around each corner. Lurking where she plays, where she sleeps...the Florida wilderness prepared us for the snakes, taught us to watch our step. There's just something incredibly special about that and no matter how far away you get from it, it is truly always with you. To the one who said they should never have taken you out of the swamp...well, just a case of "if i have to explain you couldn't understand." :-) thank you Rachael for writing this. the magic in these pages couldn't be recreated or replicated. i fell in love <3 i devoured it whole like a python, you can still see it in my throat as im working to digest and dissolve its contents into my own being.

[Canuknot (Cyn) · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I started this book, I had no idea who Rachel “Steak” Finley was or how I ended up with her memoirs on my kindle. I don’t even know who her ex husband is or what they did together. (Or separately.) I just started reading her story like any other stranger and I was captivated by her honesty and the poetic cliff hangers of some chapters that read like 90s alt-rock bangers. The earlier chapters spoke to the tween and teenage girl inside me who wanted desperately to be seen, heard, and loved. The little girl who wanted to feel safe. As the book continued she spoke to the young adult woman inside me who wanted her life to mean something, but hey, at least we had our tumblrs… right? Later, she spoke to the mother who wanted what was best for her child while also wanting what was best for her, struggling to hold on to any shred of her identity as her marriage collapsed. No spoilers but I’m really happy for her with the way the ending rounded out too. I hope that for myself, I’ll settle for my weighted blanket, for now.

Thank you for sharing your story with us Rachel. It was one of my favorite reads so far this year, sincerely.

[Cameron Richert Hendrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is outstanding. As a nonfiction writer, it's the first thing I've read in a really long time that actually got me excited about my own genre. I wish I could interview this author about her writing process. Parts of the book feel like meeting up with an old friend and talking shit about growing up in the era of punk shows and proto-social-media. Some parts are frankly harrowing. Finley shares difficult and traumatic formative experiences in a light that shows admirable self-compassion and helps the reader form a whole and human idea of this character. Behind the image of a feral baddie ripping her way through the elite social scene is an actual abandoned child clawing her way through life and honestly doing a pretty good job of it. While the narrative does have some weight and darkness, the narrative voice is bright, colorful, full of cleverness and grit. This is the voice of someone who is intimately familiar with her own flaws and still chooses to find some joy in life, which is honestly just so relatable.

[Wanisa Jaikwang · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 stars because I DNF’d around page 200.

I hate to give it such a low rating, because the writing in the beginning was SO strong and the author herself is a really interesting person, but my goodness did it fall off in the last half. Once I started seeing typos I set it down.

First third was really strong. It follows her story as a child being abandoned by her mother in a vacation rental in Florida. Despite her tragic conditions, she carries a general disposition of hope and curiosity.

Unfortunately, the second half… well, it read more like blog posts, snapshots, diary entries… rather than telling me the story of her life. If that makes sense. Maybe it was a stylistic choice to show the chaos of her 20s, buuuuut eh. It just felt like it lost focus. As a reader, it got pretty confusing narratively. Part of me feels like a lot of information was redacted in the publishing and that an unabridged version of this book has to exist somewhere.

I REALLY wished this had an audiobook telling. Maybe then I could have gone through it.

[sierra (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ♥ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Steak <3

This hit me hard. I love Steak. I love that she shared so much of her life with us.

I feel so lucky to know these things about her. Her childhood, her mother, her life, Mars, all of it. I knew her relationship with her ex-husband would be mentioned briefly, but I didn't realize how hard that was going to hit me. Everything about her relationship resonated with me. I like how she didn't need to say or reveal everything or what exactly happened; through her words and short sentences, I just knew. I felt it. I felt her pain when she ached for reconciliation. But I admire her for pushing through and seeing how far she's come.

I respect her honesty about her trauma and how she's actively seeking help in order to heal. Her childhood was heartbreaking, but I truly think she became successful by hustling and making a name for herself. This was such a special memoir. Absolutely heart wrenching, but I'm just thankful Rachael shared this with us. We are so lucky. <3

[Vada · Rating 4 out of 5]

Steak was probably the first internet figures I followed. Like many, I found her on Tumblr and just couldn't get enough. She was real and approachable and just...cool. She felt like a mix of the cool girls in my middle school, to me it was the ones who were confident enough to hang at the skatepark and an older sister figure with so much wisdom. I've been incredibly excited to read this book and it didn't disappoint. It reassured me that carving your own path and taking up space is, at times, really fucking hard but wholly necessary and OK. Her voice came through so clearly at times. I loved the more "meta" moments where she was even referencing her own writing/stories. Even if you've never heard or followed Steak, this memoir will make you fall in love with her. It will make you realize it is ok to hurt. It's ok to be tired of "being strong". I know I am.

[Elise Hernke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Steak has an insane life story and at such a young age, a lifetime of experiences worth sharing... the book reads like her tumblr posts - very honest, very gritty, but it adds color and context to everything we think we know about her. I think she has a strong sense of her own identity or at least her search to find her place in the world - in a very insightful way, she retroactively retraces all of her life experiences - many of which were filled with unspeakable traumas, and recounts the way that each one informed her ability to acclimate to the world, like an anthropologist learning how to be "normal," learning how to fit in, learning how to make space in the world for herself one era at a time, instead of just surviving. It's really fascinating.
Sorry lol but I hate the cover art and the chapter where she redacts the entire thing because why include it??

[Alana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been a fan of Steak’s for at least a decade now and even though I don’t know her personally she’s been the big sister I never had and always needed. Reading this book reminded me why I fell in love with steak in the first place. It’s witty, it’s deep, it’s emotional, and even though I haven’t been through half of the struggles she’s been through its completely relatable. Steak is for the weird girls who never fit in and therefore had to carve out a place or their own. This book, just like everything else she does, exceeded expectations. Even if you don’t know her, if you ever felt alone, or misunderstood, or even just stuck I can’t recommend this book enough and I hope someday she’s writes more.