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Love, Pray, Listen: Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids with Joy
"
Love, Pray, Listen
offers empathy and grounded biblical wisdom to help parents thrive, no matter what path their adult kids take."--PASTOR STEVE STROOPE
Wisdom and Hope for Parents of Grown-Ups
As a parent, your role changes drastically after your kids grow up. You fear heartache and strained relationships when your children choose difficult--even seemingly wrong--paths.
Love, Pray, Listen is the gracious, practical resource you need for navigating the rocky terrain of parenting grown-ups. In this book, mom and author Mary DeMuth answers questions
· What do I do when my kids make choices that don't align with my values?
· How do I keep communication lines open with my grown children?
· When do I speak, and when do I listen?
· Is it possible to hold on to my joy when parenting is so hard?
· How do I avoid the temptation of meddling in my kids' lives?
Love, Pray, Listen offers a robust theology for long-term parenting gleaned from the discipleship model Jesus exemplified, one that carefully and thoughtfully applies his way of expressing love.
This is your invitation for spiritual growth and a path toward fulfilling relationships with your adult children.
Wisdom and Hope for Parents of Grown-Ups
As a parent, your role changes drastically after your kids grow up. You fear heartache and strained relationships when your children choose difficult--even seemingly wrong--paths.
Love, Pray, Listen is the gracious, practical resource you need for navigating the rocky terrain of parenting grown-ups. In this book, mom and author Mary DeMuth answers questions
· What do I do when my kids make choices that don't align with my values?
· How do I keep communication lines open with my grown children?
· When do I speak, and when do I listen?
· Is it possible to hold on to my joy when parenting is so hard?
· How do I avoid the temptation of meddling in my kids' lives?
Love, Pray, Listen offers a robust theology for long-term parenting gleaned from the discipleship model Jesus exemplified, one that carefully and thoughtfully applies his way of expressing love.
This is your invitation for spiritual growth and a path toward fulfilling relationships with your adult children.
226 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 6, 2022
76 people are currently reading
184 people want to read
About the author
Mary E. DeMuth
73 books421 followersMary DeMuth is literary agent, international speaker, podcaster, and she’s the novelist and nonfiction author of over forty books, including Love, Pray, Listen: Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids with Joy (Bethany 2022). She loves to help people re-story their lives. She lives in Texas with her husband of 31 years and is the mom to three adult children. Find out more at marydemuth.com. Be prayed for on her daily prayer podcast with 4 million downloads: prayeveryday.show. For sexual abuse resources, visit wetoo.org. For cards, prints, and artsy fun go to marydemuth.com/art. Find out what she’s looking for as a literary agent at marydemuthliterary.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 64 reviews
July 6, 2022
Why Read a Book on Parenting if Your Nest is Empty?
For the first year or two of our empty nest, I secretly congratulated myself on the fine job we’d done as parents. Our daughters appeared well-adjusted and stable, and for the most part, they seemed to retain the values they’d grown up with. When an undiagnosed mental health crisis blindsided us, I scrambled to learn everything I could. I struggled to understand the disease and researched ways to respond appropriately and with love while still respecting our young adult daughter’s responsibility to care for herself.
After that one-year anomaly, I once again fluffed my feathers and shined my beak. We had successfully fledged two amazing young adults. But as storm clouds gathered on the horizon, I grasped the branch beneath our nest with terror. Conversation by conversation, I started to patch together a rather tarnished picture of how our oh-so-wonderful parenting had felt on the receiving end.
By the end of 2021, I struggled with depression and guilt. I started seeing a counselor. Love has held our family together, but I needed help dealing with the regrets and the consequences. When I saw Mary DeMuth’s book Love, Pray, Listen on NetGalley, I immediately requested a copy of it. Any book offering hope and encouragement to parents of young adults sounded like a lifeline.
Love, Pray, Listen
DeMuth did not disappoint. The author uses 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 to show readers how to fully love their adult children, get rid of the guilt that accompanies parenting mistakes, and learn to listen to (and appreciate) the person your child has become.
Christian parents in my generation (me included) thought we had it all together. Unlike our parents, we didn’t teach religion as a series of does and don’ts. We taught our kids about God’s grace (but we may have struggled to extend that grace to our kids and others). Instead of focusing on God’s control, we focused on growing kids ‘God’s way.’ Which I now realize was just us trying to control our children (I make a lousy substitute for God).
No wonder we feel gob-smacked when our adult offspring make choices we would never make (and we so comfortably assumed they would never make). DeMuth reminds us “Parenting is a long journey of releasing, of allowing our children to become adults, stretch their wings, and fly into an unknown future.”
Love, Pray, Listen shows us how to let go. It looks a lot like fostering self-awareness, kindness to ourselves and others, trusting God (and giving up on the idea we can control people or situations), and developing humility.
Why I Loved This Book
DeMuth’s book came at just the right time. Now I know I am not alone in my empty nest of regrets and despair. I wish I would have had a book like this to read back when I poured over parenting books as a young mother. Maybe I would have parented differently (and with more humility).
But it’s never too late to learn humility and try new approaches. DeMuth’s parenting journey reminds me a lot of my own. She comes alongside readers and gently points out areas of growth. When we can’t listen (because our children no longer communicate with us), we can still love and pray.
I loved everything about the book except the subtitle. Maybe the word ‘Struggling’ instead of ‘Wayward’ would have worked better. Wayward sounds too judgmental. I don’t see my kids as wayward. They have chosen a way I don’t understand, but as adults, they have the right to make their own choices. To understand their choices, I can humbly seek answers and give them the space to be experts on themselves. Their fledging signaled the start of my letting go (of control).
DeMuth’s encouragement to ‘experience the joy of letting go, the power of encouraging our kids, and the adventure of trusting God’ in the empty nest stage of our lives.
For the first year or two of our empty nest, I secretly congratulated myself on the fine job we’d done as parents. Our daughters appeared well-adjusted and stable, and for the most part, they seemed to retain the values they’d grown up with. When an undiagnosed mental health crisis blindsided us, I scrambled to learn everything I could. I struggled to understand the disease and researched ways to respond appropriately and with love while still respecting our young adult daughter’s responsibility to care for herself.
After that one-year anomaly, I once again fluffed my feathers and shined my beak. We had successfully fledged two amazing young adults. But as storm clouds gathered on the horizon, I grasped the branch beneath our nest with terror. Conversation by conversation, I started to patch together a rather tarnished picture of how our oh-so-wonderful parenting had felt on the receiving end.
By the end of 2021, I struggled with depression and guilt. I started seeing a counselor. Love has held our family together, but I needed help dealing with the regrets and the consequences. When I saw Mary DeMuth’s book Love, Pray, Listen on NetGalley, I immediately requested a copy of it. Any book offering hope and encouragement to parents of young adults sounded like a lifeline.
Love, Pray, Listen
DeMuth did not disappoint. The author uses 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 to show readers how to fully love their adult children, get rid of the guilt that accompanies parenting mistakes, and learn to listen to (and appreciate) the person your child has become.
Christian parents in my generation (me included) thought we had it all together. Unlike our parents, we didn’t teach religion as a series of does and don’ts. We taught our kids about God’s grace (but we may have struggled to extend that grace to our kids and others). Instead of focusing on God’s control, we focused on growing kids ‘God’s way.’ Which I now realize was just us trying to control our children (I make a lousy substitute for God).
No wonder we feel gob-smacked when our adult offspring make choices we would never make (and we so comfortably assumed they would never make). DeMuth reminds us “Parenting is a long journey of releasing, of allowing our children to become adults, stretch their wings, and fly into an unknown future.”
Love, Pray, Listen shows us how to let go. It looks a lot like fostering self-awareness, kindness to ourselves and others, trusting God (and giving up on the idea we can control people or situations), and developing humility.
Why I Loved This Book
DeMuth’s book came at just the right time. Now I know I am not alone in my empty nest of regrets and despair. I wish I would have had a book like this to read back when I poured over parenting books as a young mother. Maybe I would have parented differently (and with more humility).
But it’s never too late to learn humility and try new approaches. DeMuth’s parenting journey reminds me a lot of my own. She comes alongside readers and gently points out areas of growth. When we can’t listen (because our children no longer communicate with us), we can still love and pray.
I loved everything about the book except the subtitle. Maybe the word ‘Struggling’ instead of ‘Wayward’ would have worked better. Wayward sounds too judgmental. I don’t see my kids as wayward. They have chosen a way I don’t understand, but as adults, they have the right to make their own choices. To understand their choices, I can humbly seek answers and give them the space to be experts on themselves. Their fledging signaled the start of my letting go (of control).
DeMuth’s encouragement to ‘experience the joy of letting go, the power of encouraging our kids, and the adventure of trusting God’ in the empty nest stage of our lives.
August 2, 2023
Title is misleading. A wonderful book for parents of all adult children - wayward or not! I will be rereading to help retain some of the nuggets of wisdom.
September 29, 2022
It truly does seem to happen quickly--your children seem to be in diapers one minute and the next minute, they are all grown up. Love, Pray, Listen: Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids with Joy by Mary DeMuth is a book for relating to our adult children.
Love, Pray, Listen offers guidance for parents who want to continue to show the love of Jesus to their children when they have reached adulthood. The chapters focus on I Corinthians 13 and showing love to our adult children.
I could relate to Mary's heart of wanting to do things differently as someone who did not always feel wanted or loved by my parents. I never want my child to feel that way. There are also many other examples of other parents whose children have not chosen the path that their parents expected them to. Love, Pray, Listen offers encouragement and advice on grieving and on showing the children love and acceptance in the midst of holding on to your own values. I think it is a good book for our times as many of our children walk away from the faith, maybe for a season and maybe for good. I especially like that each chapter ends with a focus from the title--Love, Pray and Listen. This is a good book to both read alone and one that could work well with a small group of like-minded parents searching to make a positive difference in their adult children's lives.
I received a copy of this book from the publisher. All opinions within this review are my own.
Love, Pray, Listen offers guidance for parents who want to continue to show the love of Jesus to their children when they have reached adulthood. The chapters focus on I Corinthians 13 and showing love to our adult children.
I could relate to Mary's heart of wanting to do things differently as someone who did not always feel wanted or loved by my parents. I never want my child to feel that way. There are also many other examples of other parents whose children have not chosen the path that their parents expected them to. Love, Pray, Listen offers encouragement and advice on grieving and on showing the children love and acceptance in the midst of holding on to your own values. I think it is a good book for our times as many of our children walk away from the faith, maybe for a season and maybe for good. I especially like that each chapter ends with a focus from the title--Love, Pray and Listen. This is a good book to both read alone and one that could work well with a small group of like-minded parents searching to make a positive difference in their adult children's lives.
I received a copy of this book from the publisher. All opinions within this review are my own.
October 6, 2022
A great book looking at the parent/child relationship in a different light as we age and dynamics change.
Mary DeMuth takes readers on a journey of learning how things can become drastically different as children get older. I only have young children now, but picked up this book wanting to see what it held for me as an adult daughter for my parents and to better prepare myself for when my children do grow up. I found many of the chapters eye opening with how to cope with dealing with the hard times of when communication becomes harder, and realizing this is the stage I am in with my own mother. Trying to prepare for when I want to overstep in my grown kids’ lives and when it is best to just sit back, pray, love and listen to them.
As a parent we never wan to our kids to make mistakes or go through hard times that could have been avoided if they just listen to us, but we are here to love them no matter what. Mary DeMuth does a fabulous job of putting together a book that has so many tools to help us in dealing with these hard times and making them a little less difficult and trying. I would recommend this book to parents as their kids are getting older to keep from struggling as they age and want to live their own lives.
I received a complimentary copy of this title from the publisher. The views and opinions expressed within are my own.
Mary DeMuth takes readers on a journey of learning how things can become drastically different as children get older. I only have young children now, but picked up this book wanting to see what it held for me as an adult daughter for my parents and to better prepare myself for when my children do grow up. I found many of the chapters eye opening with how to cope with dealing with the hard times of when communication becomes harder, and realizing this is the stage I am in with my own mother. Trying to prepare for when I want to overstep in my grown kids’ lives and when it is best to just sit back, pray, love and listen to them.
As a parent we never wan to our kids to make mistakes or go through hard times that could have been avoided if they just listen to us, but we are here to love them no matter what. Mary DeMuth does a fabulous job of putting together a book that has so many tools to help us in dealing with these hard times and making them a little less difficult and trying. I would recommend this book to parents as their kids are getting older to keep from struggling as they age and want to live their own lives.
I received a complimentary copy of this title from the publisher. The views and opinions expressed within are my own.
August 16, 2022
“Parenting, then, is an excruciating exercise in letting go. Our children were never ours. They were and are God’s.” This statement introduces Mary DeMuth’s newest book of everyday wisdom. Using the love passage in 1 Corinthians 13, DeMuth explicates each of the “loves,” building layer upon layer of deep understanding and Christ-centered advice about the very human relationship between parents and children. “There are no guarantees that our kids will be all that we hoped they would be. But we do serve a God who loves them and stands ready to forgive and welcome them. There’s peace in that knowledge.” With that end statement, DeMuth frames her wonderfully wise book.
May 3, 2022
Publishing date: September 2022
I received this book from the publisher through Netgalley for review and all thoughts and opinions are my own.
For parents experiencing the pain of estrangement, reliving the painful conversations you've had with an adult son or daughter, this book is as healing as it is revealing. Well written and based in biblical truth, this book gives insight on how to keep the doors open for conversation and even reconciliation in future.
I received this book from the publisher through Netgalley for review and all thoughts and opinions are my own.
For parents experiencing the pain of estrangement, reliving the painful conversations you've had with an adult son or daughter, this book is as healing as it is revealing. Well written and based in biblical truth, this book gives insight on how to keep the doors open for conversation and even reconciliation in future.
March 2, 2023
This book is sensitive and encouraging while being honest. Mary DeMuth peels away the "prosperity gospel" of parenting, sharing her own expectations that encountered her own experiences and how she responded, good and bad. In addition to being a good book to read when your kids are adults, it's a great book to read when they are very young; it can help form your vision of your relationships with your children and inform how you approach that early on.
November 24, 2025
This book was so good and don’t let the title deceive you!
This is so encouraging regardless on if your adult child is following the Lord or not. I’m listened to the audio in two days and now I’m going to go back and slowly read the book with a highlighter cause it’s so so good. 💗
Biblical advice all parents need! 🙌🏻
This is so encouraging regardless on if your adult child is following the Lord or not. I’m listened to the audio in two days and now I’m going to go back and slowly read the book with a highlighter cause it’s so so good. 💗
Biblical advice all parents need! 🙌🏻
July 10, 2023
If you look through my reviews, you'll see that I don't often give 5 stars.
This book has helped me so much. I am going to listen again. Most highly recommended!
It would have helped me to have reasonable expectations if I'd read it when my kids were young. It could have saved me years of worrying over what I've done wrong.
This book has helped me so much. I am going to listen again. Most highly recommended!
It would have helped me to have reasonable expectations if I'd read it when my kids were young. It could have saved me years of worrying over what I've done wrong.
September 23, 2022
Love, Pray, Listen by Mary Demuth helps parents experience the joy of letting go, the power of encouraging our kids, and the peace found in trusting God for the next period in our lives. Using 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, DeMuth unpacks how to love, listen, and pray for our children when they become adults and stray from the path you hoped they would follow.
“When our children are young, we sacrifice sleep to calm their fears at night. When they reach elementary age, we sacrifice time as we shuffle them around from activity to activity. When they reach high school, our sacrifice is the emotional energy we need to bear their weighty burdens, spoken or unspoken. And when they reach adulthood and beyond, our cross looks a lot like letting go.”
Every day Facebook memories show me pictures of my kids when they were little. I wish I could grab those babies out of the photo and hold them again. I never thought I’d mourn the loss of being wanted and needed in the same ways as when my children were little. No more, “Look at me, Mommy!” Nobody fights to share a moment on my lap anymore.
As my 12, 14, 16, and 19-year-olds navigate the teen years, I’m trying to shift my new parenting role for each child as needed. Sometimes I peer into the future with fear-based questions. What will I do if my kids move out of the house and don’t want to call or keep in contact with me? Will my kids stray from their faith once they leave and explore the world? How do I parent if they choose a path in life which goes against God’s parameters?
This book helped answer those questions by showing me how to love, pray, and listen to my children and apply specific verses to specific situations. I loved the examples she shared in her parenting journey, as well as others. The stories helped me know that even if my worst fears came true, my worth remains stable in Christ, and I can fiercely love my children even when we disagree.
"To love, pray, and listen to our adult kids is to acknowledge not only their personhood but also to realize our finished work. We have parented; now, we encourage and coach. If we stay in that longing for the past when our children were our responsibility, we will miss the opportunities to soar in the present. And we will shortchange our growth. To continue to demand control is to set ourselves up for sadness and frustration."
Each chapter helped me evaluate areas where I love my children well and areas where I could improve. In fact, after reading the chapter, Love is Not Rude, two points for why we justify rudeness convicted me: we are rude because we feel others deserve that response, and we are rude because we have not identified and repented of our rudeness. I realized when I felt disrespected by my son in front of his friends; I was rude back to him in front of his friends. Although I took the time to share privately with him how his words and actions made me feel, it wasn’t until I read this chapter that I recognized my sinful way of reacting. It felt good to apologize to my son, and after I did, he gave me a thumbs up.
"Since it’s his kindness that leads us to repentance on a daily basis, it’s time to trust that this same kindness will lead your adult children on the same path. They most likely will not take a logical, safe path, certainly not one you would want or prescribe, but the One who holds all things together by his power holds your child’s journey. Trust him. Trust his kindness. And let that kindness inform the way you love your child and yourself."
The Chapter, Love is not Irritable, helped me recognize how being overly sensitive and easily offended is being irritable and holding onto offenses instead of pardoning generously.
I’m glad I can refer to this book when my kids go to college. I can rejoice in new seasons of parenting as I learn to love, pray, and listen to my adult children.
I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review.
“When our children are young, we sacrifice sleep to calm their fears at night. When they reach elementary age, we sacrifice time as we shuffle them around from activity to activity. When they reach high school, our sacrifice is the emotional energy we need to bear their weighty burdens, spoken or unspoken. And when they reach adulthood and beyond, our cross looks a lot like letting go.”
Every day Facebook memories show me pictures of my kids when they were little. I wish I could grab those babies out of the photo and hold them again. I never thought I’d mourn the loss of being wanted and needed in the same ways as when my children were little. No more, “Look at me, Mommy!” Nobody fights to share a moment on my lap anymore.
As my 12, 14, 16, and 19-year-olds navigate the teen years, I’m trying to shift my new parenting role for each child as needed. Sometimes I peer into the future with fear-based questions. What will I do if my kids move out of the house and don’t want to call or keep in contact with me? Will my kids stray from their faith once they leave and explore the world? How do I parent if they choose a path in life which goes against God’s parameters?
This book helped answer those questions by showing me how to love, pray, and listen to my children and apply specific verses to specific situations. I loved the examples she shared in her parenting journey, as well as others. The stories helped me know that even if my worst fears came true, my worth remains stable in Christ, and I can fiercely love my children even when we disagree.
"To love, pray, and listen to our adult kids is to acknowledge not only their personhood but also to realize our finished work. We have parented; now, we encourage and coach. If we stay in that longing for the past when our children were our responsibility, we will miss the opportunities to soar in the present. And we will shortchange our growth. To continue to demand control is to set ourselves up for sadness and frustration."
Each chapter helped me evaluate areas where I love my children well and areas where I could improve. In fact, after reading the chapter, Love is Not Rude, two points for why we justify rudeness convicted me: we are rude because we feel others deserve that response, and we are rude because we have not identified and repented of our rudeness. I realized when I felt disrespected by my son in front of his friends; I was rude back to him in front of his friends. Although I took the time to share privately with him how his words and actions made me feel, it wasn’t until I read this chapter that I recognized my sinful way of reacting. It felt good to apologize to my son, and after I did, he gave me a thumbs up.
"Since it’s his kindness that leads us to repentance on a daily basis, it’s time to trust that this same kindness will lead your adult children on the same path. They most likely will not take a logical, safe path, certainly not one you would want or prescribe, but the One who holds all things together by his power holds your child’s journey. Trust him. Trust his kindness. And let that kindness inform the way you love your child and yourself."
The Chapter, Love is not Irritable, helped me recognize how being overly sensitive and easily offended is being irritable and holding onto offenses instead of pardoning generously.
I’m glad I can refer to this book when my kids go to college. I can rejoice in new seasons of parenting as I learn to love, pray, and listen to my adult children.
I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review.
October 7, 2022
Really solid, encouraging, Biblical advice on how to love our adult children well while maintaining joy and peace in the Lord. In many ways, this reinforced what I knew to be true scripturally, rather than presenting new information, but there were definitely some really powerful admonitions as to how we are and are not to be involved in our adult children’s lives.
With 5 more children to launch, I know these will be truths I will preach to myself over and over again. In fact, I feel like it is helping me to refine the way I approach conversation with my kids now to lay the foundation for our future relationship. With our first, I was not at all prepared for how quickly she reached adulthood and the switch from hands-on parent to encourager/coach/friend parent, especially as waywardness reared it’s ugly head. I can’t predict what our younger children will choose to do as adults but I can start recognizing their movement towards independence earlier and re-cast my parental role accordingly as they grow, rather than feeling stuck (and MISERABLE) trying to hold onto a role I am no longer required/needed to fill.
Knowing that prayer, love, and a listening ear are my primary goals as a parent to an adult child frees me from guilt, anger, despair. My hope is in God, right where it should be, rather than anything I have (or have not) done. Yes, we all make mistakes, as the author points out, but even the perfect parent, God, had wayward children. We cannot place that burden on ourselves and lug it around for the rest of our lives; our children are responsible for their actions, like any other adult. And God is their creator and redeemer, just as He is ours, therefore He is working out His will for them in His timing. In fact, my favorite gleaning from this book was the idea that if we knew what God was doing in our adult children’s lives, we would be praising Him. Now that’s a challenging exhortation when what we see looks more deserving of despair than praise!
With 5 more children to launch, I know these will be truths I will preach to myself over and over again. In fact, I feel like it is helping me to refine the way I approach conversation with my kids now to lay the foundation for our future relationship. With our first, I was not at all prepared for how quickly she reached adulthood and the switch from hands-on parent to encourager/coach/friend parent, especially as waywardness reared it’s ugly head. I can’t predict what our younger children will choose to do as adults but I can start recognizing their movement towards independence earlier and re-cast my parental role accordingly as they grow, rather than feeling stuck (and MISERABLE) trying to hold onto a role I am no longer required/needed to fill.
Knowing that prayer, love, and a listening ear are my primary goals as a parent to an adult child frees me from guilt, anger, despair. My hope is in God, right where it should be, rather than anything I have (or have not) done. Yes, we all make mistakes, as the author points out, but even the perfect parent, God, had wayward children. We cannot place that burden on ourselves and lug it around for the rest of our lives; our children are responsible for their actions, like any other adult. And God is their creator and redeemer, just as He is ours, therefore He is working out His will for them in His timing. In fact, my favorite gleaning from this book was the idea that if we knew what God was doing in our adult children’s lives, we would be praising Him. Now that’s a challenging exhortation when what we see looks more deserving of despair than praise!
November 24, 2022
When adult children go off the rails, when fear or disappointment begins to preside over the agenda and use up all the oxygen in the room, 1 Corinthians 13 provides the roadmap for a return to peace and mutual respect.
In Love, Pray, Listen, Mary DeMuth offers the love chapter as a solid game plan for loving well while parenting a wayward adult child. How will a love that is patient, kind, and free of all love’s harmful tag-alongs, change a fraught parenting relationship with someone who identifies as an adult, but whose behavior doesn’t necessarily support the label?
DeMuth draws from her own experience as a parent and the deep well of scriptural knowledge that has sustained her through the universal experiences of failure, repentance, and redemption that come to us all in our parenting journey. As believers, we walk with God at the same time as we are walking alongside our kids. The call to a “worthy walk,” then may actually complicate our parental role as we ask ourselves:
Can I trust for grace to stay within the bounds of orthodoxy and not give in to the temptation to adjust my theology in order to stay on good terms with a son or daughter who has strayed?
Can I embrace historical Christianity and still love an unrepentant sinner?
In fact, as I read, I asked myself, “Would I be able to read this book with composure if I was estranged from a child or struggling with a seemingly hopeless situation?” I’m not sure, but I do know that the book has given me extremely helpful insights into the complexity of parental love, the importance of prayer, and the crucial role that compassionate listening plays in loving our children well.
Many thanks to NetGalley for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which is, of course, offered freely and with honesty.
In Love, Pray, Listen, Mary DeMuth offers the love chapter as a solid game plan for loving well while parenting a wayward adult child. How will a love that is patient, kind, and free of all love’s harmful tag-alongs, change a fraught parenting relationship with someone who identifies as an adult, but whose behavior doesn’t necessarily support the label?
DeMuth draws from her own experience as a parent and the deep well of scriptural knowledge that has sustained her through the universal experiences of failure, repentance, and redemption that come to us all in our parenting journey. As believers, we walk with God at the same time as we are walking alongside our kids. The call to a “worthy walk,” then may actually complicate our parental role as we ask ourselves:
Can I trust for grace to stay within the bounds of orthodoxy and not give in to the temptation to adjust my theology in order to stay on good terms with a son or daughter who has strayed?
Can I embrace historical Christianity and still love an unrepentant sinner?
In fact, as I read, I asked myself, “Would I be able to read this book with composure if I was estranged from a child or struggling with a seemingly hopeless situation?” I’m not sure, but I do know that the book has given me extremely helpful insights into the complexity of parental love, the importance of prayer, and the crucial role that compassionate listening plays in loving our children well.
Many thanks to NetGalley for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which is, of course, offered freely and with honesty.
August 27, 2022
This book touched me deeply. I love the way Mary creatively used the famous love chapter in 1 Corinthians 13 to give us a guide of how to biblically love, pray, and listen to our adult children as we launch them into the world or watch from a distance as they flounder in the world, trying to find their way. The tie to Scripture enlightened and empowered me to intentionally relate differently to my own adult sons, while the stories and examples she used gave me empathy to other parents I may have erroneously judged in the past for situations I could not understand. The vulnerability in her own personal stories brought me comfort to know other parents struggle with similar scenarios and emotions as I do as a parent in this stage of life. But above all, this book challenged me to think and see differently. Love, Pray, Listen convicted me to remember myself as a young adult, needing trust and encouragement more than anything else, knowing I had to fall and make mistakes in order to grow and mature. God used challenges in my life to mold me into the person I am, so over-protecting my children (or trying to control their choices) from their own set of challenges does not benefit them at all. Instead, I need to first love them as God loves them, (realizing He loves them even more than I do), pray for them to hear God’s voice, and then really listen to both their words and their behaviors with a true desire to understand their heart. This is not a book for quick reading, but rather a resource to keep handy when I am struggling to relate to or pray for my adult children, especially when they make decisions that I cannot biblically agree with or condone.
September 2, 2022
The opportunity to read Love, Pray, Listen came at a time that I was feeling beat down and attacked by 3 out of my 4 children. Though admittedly I was not a perfect mother, I knew there is not a perfect parent out there. I felt I did my best and that overall, I was a good mother. After all, I had been told many times through the years by others that I was a good mom and that we had raised good kids. I thought my best was good enough for my children so it came as a major blow that shot straight through my heart to hear how 3 of my 4 viewed things from their childhood.
I was feeling rejected and questioning the last 30 years of my life I had spent pouring myself into my children.
But GOD!!
MY Heavenly Father knew what I needed and restored this mama's heart and sense of self worth as a parent through Mary DeMuth and her book Love, Pray, Listen.
As always, she uses scripture to refocus and view life's curveballs thrift God's lense, not ours. The first few pages are packed with so much goodness you will want to read it again and again. There are so many nuggets of truth rooted in scripture that apply to any relationship, not just with our adult children.
Mary wraps up the conclusion with liberating advice for anyone that is struggling with being an empty nester or is soon to be!
I was feeling rejected and questioning the last 30 years of my life I had spent pouring myself into my children.
But GOD!!
MY Heavenly Father knew what I needed and restored this mama's heart and sense of self worth as a parent through Mary DeMuth and her book Love, Pray, Listen.
As always, she uses scripture to refocus and view life's curveballs thrift God's lense, not ours. The first few pages are packed with so much goodness you will want to read it again and again. There are so many nuggets of truth rooted in scripture that apply to any relationship, not just with our adult children.
Mary wraps up the conclusion with liberating advice for anyone that is struggling with being an empty nester or is soon to be!
November 11, 2022
I have read books before about estrangement between parents and their children. It is a difficult topic to speak about with anyone, will they judge you as harshly as you judge yourself?
This book had a new and unique take on the same situation, one that truly made me abandon the thoughts of self-judgement. Like some other parents mentioned in the book I tried my best as a parent to raise my kids the best I knew how. Of course, I was flawed and made mistakes, this book made me realize that accepting the flaws and mistakes is part of moving from angst to a joy that is found in the acceptance of where I am now.
The other aha moment was assuming the best intentions in my children. I tried to raise them to question everything then found myself offended when the first on their list was me. As I type this I must laugh at the irony. My children's beliefs and politics are different from mine, but it doesn't have to stand that they are wrong! I can assume the best of intentions, and perhaps as they grow and mature (to my age) perhaps they can assume the same was in my heart at their age. I wish my parents had given me the benefit of the doubt when I was my children's age!
Powerful lessons!
This book had a new and unique take on the same situation, one that truly made me abandon the thoughts of self-judgement. Like some other parents mentioned in the book I tried my best as a parent to raise my kids the best I knew how. Of course, I was flawed and made mistakes, this book made me realize that accepting the flaws and mistakes is part of moving from angst to a joy that is found in the acceptance of where I am now.
The other aha moment was assuming the best intentions in my children. I tried to raise them to question everything then found myself offended when the first on their list was me. As I type this I must laugh at the irony. My children's beliefs and politics are different from mine, but it doesn't have to stand that they are wrong! I can assume the best of intentions, and perhaps as they grow and mature (to my age) perhaps they can assume the same was in my heart at their age. I wish my parents had given me the benefit of the doubt when I was my children's age!
Powerful lessons!
August 26, 2022
I always felt alone in my parenting difficulties. Especially with my youngest and oldest during their teen and adult years. But as I read about the various hardships other parents had gone through, including the author, it brought much-needed relief. Mentally, emotionally, and circumstantially. To be seen and understood, knowing I was never alone. Knowing I'm ‘still’ not alone. 🤍😌
The relevant Scriptures and prayers within each chapter filled me with encouragement as well. They’re fitting and heartwarming, written in a way to personalize them for your children, and yourself. Besides the relatable content of parenting older children, or the struggle of relating to them, I love being reminded that life’s journey doesn’t end once our child/children venture out on their own. Rather, it’s a time when we start the next adventure with God. Thanks, Mary, for helping me see this perspective! And for writing Love, Pray, Listen. I love it so much, I've highlighted almost every page! 🖋📘
For those who’ve struggled (or still do) with their teens/adult children, prodigals or not, I think you’ll find comfort and hope in this book too. ♥️🙌🏻
The relevant Scriptures and prayers within each chapter filled me with encouragement as well. They’re fitting and heartwarming, written in a way to personalize them for your children, and yourself. Besides the relatable content of parenting older children, or the struggle of relating to them, I love being reminded that life’s journey doesn’t end once our child/children venture out on their own. Rather, it’s a time when we start the next adventure with God. Thanks, Mary, for helping me see this perspective! And for writing Love, Pray, Listen. I love it so much, I've highlighted almost every page! 🖋📘
For those who’ve struggled (or still do) with their teens/adult children, prodigals or not, I think you’ll find comfort and hope in this book too. ♥️🙌🏻
September 1, 2022
Love, Pray, Listen takes on the often-missed subject of how to relate to and love our adult children. This book is written through the lens of a parent with adult children, but I saw so many of my other family dynamics and friendships throughout. I can see myself reading this text wearing many different hats: as a parent with older teens, a daughter, as a sibling with a strained relationship, and as a loving and concerned friend.
Mary presents tangible stories and applications from her own experiences and those she has encountered in difficult circumstances with adult children. She suggests helpful homework in the form of prayer, practicing forgiveness and even writing letters to God. This isn't just a book you read, it feels like a partnership from one parent to another.
I hope to be better able to grow, love and connect with my soon to be adult children because of Mary's practical applications of God's word. Definitely a great read if you are ready to have your blind spots revealed and want real hope for familial reconnection. I feel lighter after reading Love, Pray, Listen but also with plenty on my to-do list!
Mary presents tangible stories and applications from her own experiences and those she has encountered in difficult circumstances with adult children. She suggests helpful homework in the form of prayer, practicing forgiveness and even writing letters to God. This isn't just a book you read, it feels like a partnership from one parent to another.
I hope to be better able to grow, love and connect with my soon to be adult children because of Mary's practical applications of God's word. Definitely a great read if you are ready to have your blind spots revealed and want real hope for familial reconnection. I feel lighter after reading Love, Pray, Listen but also with plenty on my to-do list!
October 6, 2022
Love, Pray, Listen by Mary DeMuth, Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids with Joy has an incorrect subtitle. It should be Parenting Your Adult Kids with Joy. This book is not just for parenting wayward adult children; it is extremely valuable for all parents. Honestly it’s one of the best books I’ve read recently and I read a lot. Mary’s insight and wisdom into launching your adult children, struggling through guilt of perfect parenting or trying to be the perfect parent, and raising your children with the hope their salvation has been inspirational and educational. Mary does an excellent job of pointing the reader towards prayer, scripture and examining oneself in parenting. She offers practical Biblical advice at the end of each chapter along with practical action steps. This book is a must read for Christian moms of children in the middle school, high school and post school years. I cannot recommend this book enough. I am extremely honored and privileged to have read it and better for it. I was given a free copy from the publisher for my honest review. I will be ordering several for friends. I highly recommend.
September 17, 2022
You know 1 Corinthians 13, right? Sure, so do I. And you love your kids, right? Me, too! At least I thought I did until I read Mary DeMuth’s latest book Love, Pray, Listen. Mary uses this familiar passage on love to show us how to love, I mean really love our adult(ish) children. Parenting changes drastically when our kids reach that magic age of 18, and most of us parents flounder when it comes to navigating those changes gracefully. I sure did—and still do!
So, what do you do when your kids drop the faith you raised them with like a hot potato? Love, pray, and listen. What do you do when they marry someone you don’t like or someone of the same gender? Love, pray, listen. Mary offers sound theology, practical advice, and gut-wrenching honest examples to help us navigate the murky waters of adult(ish) kids. I was convicted of doing more like judge, advise, and talk. You’ll appreciate Mary’s compassion and hard-won wisdom as much as I did!
So, what do you do when your kids drop the faith you raised them with like a hot potato? Love, pray, and listen. What do you do when they marry someone you don’t like or someone of the same gender? Love, pray, listen. Mary offers sound theology, practical advice, and gut-wrenching honest examples to help us navigate the murky waters of adult(ish) kids. I was convicted of doing more like judge, advise, and talk. You’ll appreciate Mary’s compassion and hard-won wisdom as much as I did!
September 24, 2022
My three sons have walked away from the faith their dad and I tried to foster in them. If I let myself think about it too much, I grow panicky and afraid for them. Not to mention, I beat myself up for “failing them.” The enemy tries to convince me my failings as a mom drove them from the faith.
This book has given me fresh hope for my boys and for myself as I pray for their return to the Lord. I don’t have to wallow in regrets and worries. I can entrust my boys to God and get busy living my own joyful, Christ-filled life. If you have a wayward child or any kinds of complications with your adult kids, this book is a must have for your parenting toolbox. Thank you, Mary!
This book has given me fresh hope for my boys and for myself as I pray for their return to the Lord. I don’t have to wallow in regrets and worries. I can entrust my boys to God and get busy living my own joyful, Christ-filled life. If you have a wayward child or any kinds of complications with your adult kids, this book is a must have for your parenting toolbox. Thank you, Mary!
August 23, 2022
Mary DeMuth has tackled a subject that is so prevalent among thousands of parents today: How do we parent our adult children who don't always make decisions we can agree with? How do we navigate the twin tunnels of relationship-building and letting go.
Being a parent of 40-somethings, and a grandparent, these beautifully-written reflections anchored in the love passage of 1 Corinthians 13, has given me nuggets of truth and grace that will sustain me as I continue my journey with my family.
Highly recommend!
Being a parent of 40-somethings, and a grandparent, these beautifully-written reflections anchored in the love passage of 1 Corinthians 13, has given me nuggets of truth and grace that will sustain me as I continue my journey with my family.
Highly recommend!
January 5, 2023
A great new way to look at the relationship between parents and adult children. I plan to start implementing these ideas with all of my children this year. I believe that it will benefit me as much as it benefits them.
August 22, 2022
“Love, Pray, Listen” is the book the author confesses she didn’t want to write. Its subtitle highlights just one of the book’s themes — namely how to joyfully parent adult children through loving, praying and listening. Mary DeMuth’s own dysfunctional childhood of sexual abuse, her father's early death, and her mother’s multiple divorces all contributed to her own fear of parenting. This fear led to a later false belief that she was a poor mother. This belief was put to death by seven words of life spoken over Mary by a friend who said, “Your children know that you love them.” Even so, there has been a learning journey with triumphs and trials, humour and heartache along the way.
On the surface, the book is presented as lessons learnt by Mary in parenting her own adult children. But one key theme not shown in the title is the importance of embracing God amid the trials of life, including parenting adult children. From this theme of being God-focused flows themes of joy and love.
Mary takes 1 Corinthians 13, the famous Love chapter, that discusses what agape love is and what it is not. Each aspect is covered in 15 separate chapters. These chapters are book-ended by an introduction and a conclusion.
In the introduction Mary outlines her purpose of loving, praying and listening: “... you'll have a better understanding of how to practically live in the midst of this parenting teeter-totter ... You’ll unpack what it means to tangibly love your adult kids … You’ll understand the importance of deepening your prayer life … You’ll decipher the true gift that listening is.” Love. Pray. Listen. Three little words that bring big challenges. The God-focused life is essential to fulfill the task of living well.
Each chapter follow a pattern, with the relevant title e.g., “Love is Patient." A quote then follows, e.g., “‘Humility and patience are the surest proofs of the increase of love.’ John Wesley.” The Greek is explained, e.g., for ‘patient’ the Greek is ‘makrothumeo’ meaning ‘long emotion.’ Interspersed in the discussion are highlighted summary points, such as, “What if our act of patience, fueled by the Spirit, is not merely so that we can endure our adult children’s choices, but for our betterment? What if this is not about this is not about us but about our relationship with God?” (I agree with Mary. This last question is the core theme.) Each chapter ends with a practical application to love, to pray and to listen.
The conclusion is based on Luke 15, commonly known as the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Here there is a practical demonstration of loving, praying and listening by the Father for the prodigals, us first and then for ourselves to love our children in the same way. We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19.
There is also a key underlying theme of the ways words are to be used. To listen and to pray well are clear examples of using words well. But to love well incorporates using loving words plus the practical action of agape love. And we are reminded that in the beginning God spoke and brought families (i.e., community) into being. He has spoken by His Son and He is still speaking today by His Spirit. He is the source of how we are able to love, to pray and to listen well.
Overall, I think that Mary DeMuth has done a great job in this book. It would work well for a Bible study group discovering truth in community. Each chapter does have points that lead into discussion. A study guide could be a later development. It is very meaty in transformational information and needs to be read slowly, thoughtfully and prayerfully. At 224 pages, it is a medium-length work. I just wonder whether this book could have become a little shorter and snappier. As a hardcore bibliophile I managed to get through the book, but I just wonder how well the average reader would cope.
On the surface, the book is presented as lessons learnt by Mary in parenting her own adult children. But one key theme not shown in the title is the importance of embracing God amid the trials of life, including parenting adult children. From this theme of being God-focused flows themes of joy and love.
Mary takes 1 Corinthians 13, the famous Love chapter, that discusses what agape love is and what it is not. Each aspect is covered in 15 separate chapters. These chapters are book-ended by an introduction and a conclusion.
In the introduction Mary outlines her purpose of loving, praying and listening: “... you'll have a better understanding of how to practically live in the midst of this parenting teeter-totter ... You’ll unpack what it means to tangibly love your adult kids … You’ll understand the importance of deepening your prayer life … You’ll decipher the true gift that listening is.” Love. Pray. Listen. Three little words that bring big challenges. The God-focused life is essential to fulfill the task of living well.
Each chapter follow a pattern, with the relevant title e.g., “Love is Patient." A quote then follows, e.g., “‘Humility and patience are the surest proofs of the increase of love.’ John Wesley.” The Greek is explained, e.g., for ‘patient’ the Greek is ‘makrothumeo’ meaning ‘long emotion.’ Interspersed in the discussion are highlighted summary points, such as, “What if our act of patience, fueled by the Spirit, is not merely so that we can endure our adult children’s choices, but for our betterment? What if this is not about this is not about us but about our relationship with God?” (I agree with Mary. This last question is the core theme.) Each chapter ends with a practical application to love, to pray and to listen.
The conclusion is based on Luke 15, commonly known as the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Here there is a practical demonstration of loving, praying and listening by the Father for the prodigals, us first and then for ourselves to love our children in the same way. We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19.
There is also a key underlying theme of the ways words are to be used. To listen and to pray well are clear examples of using words well. But to love well incorporates using loving words plus the practical action of agape love. And we are reminded that in the beginning God spoke and brought families (i.e., community) into being. He has spoken by His Son and He is still speaking today by His Spirit. He is the source of how we are able to love, to pray and to listen well.
Overall, I think that Mary DeMuth has done a great job in this book. It would work well for a Bible study group discovering truth in community. Each chapter does have points that lead into discussion. A study guide could be a later development. It is very meaty in transformational information and needs to be read slowly, thoughtfully and prayerfully. At 224 pages, it is a medium-length work. I just wonder whether this book could have become a little shorter and snappier. As a hardcore bibliophile I managed to get through the book, but I just wonder how well the average reader would cope.
October 4, 2022
Bent lovingly toward parents of wayward, adult children, Mary DeMuth’s Love, Pray, Listen exudes encouragement and comfort of the depth and realness that can only come from being anchored solidly in the Scriptures.
Framed around the love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13, Mary paints in words a beautiful way to approach the often-less-talked-about-but-just-as-heart-wrangling task of parenting adult children.
Reading her book has triggered a reframing in my own life of some “truths” about parenting that I barely realized had quietly stained my peace. One of them was handed down to me by my mother when she quietly, frankly told me that “every one of your children will break your heart.” Her tone was not bitter. I always accepted her wisdom. After all, she had parented ten children with a near-miraculous dose of gentleness and patience. Certainly, she knew a thing or two about what your kids can do to you!
What I didn’t realize was how her statement had leaked a cup of anxiety onto my spirit. Although I never talked or intentionally thought about it, questions flickered in the back of my mind: How would each of my three children break my heart? When would it happen? Would it be intentional or not? How would I cope? Would I be able to cope?
Reading Mary’s book surfaced these anxious thoughts for me, and then rinsed them out. I realized in a fresh way that the Truths of the Bible that have meant so much to me in other trials of my life are and will be just as relevant as I walk through this new-for-me road of parenting adult children.
I will be hanging onto this book as I move forward, dipping into it for reminders, intentionally replacing my tense questions about parenting my adult children with God’s Truth.
I found this piece of wisdom from Mary especially meaningful lately: “Perhaps the best thing you can do for all your relationships is to tend your soul, give your body rest, and let your mind find quiet space to heal. Shalom, that beautiful Hebrew word, doesn’t merely mean the absence of war. It means a body, soul, and mind at rest” (p. 93).
Mary’s naming of these years of parenting adult children as a time of “thriving” has also sparked a shift in my thinking. Until my eyes caught her uplifting phrase, I didn’t realize the dread tainting my subconscious for the time when my nest will be deserted.
My favourite part of the whole book is Mary’s tone of humble gentleness. Never shrill or harsh, Mary often mentions her own current struggle with the very topic she is writing about. Here’s just one example: “As I read over that list, a few of my interactions have sprung to mind, sadly. While it’s not easy to acknowledge those times I’ve been fully relying on my flesh, repentance is a big element of my love for Jesus” (pp. 99-100). The tension knot in my back loosens as my spirit welcomes both her pointing towards the Truth I need to hear and the humble admittance that she is just as in need of daily help from a loving Saviour to put those Truths into practice as I am!
Thank you, Mary, for your obedience and diligence in writing this book.
Framed around the love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13, Mary paints in words a beautiful way to approach the often-less-talked-about-but-just-as-heart-wrangling task of parenting adult children.
Reading her book has triggered a reframing in my own life of some “truths” about parenting that I barely realized had quietly stained my peace. One of them was handed down to me by my mother when she quietly, frankly told me that “every one of your children will break your heart.” Her tone was not bitter. I always accepted her wisdom. After all, she had parented ten children with a near-miraculous dose of gentleness and patience. Certainly, she knew a thing or two about what your kids can do to you!
What I didn’t realize was how her statement had leaked a cup of anxiety onto my spirit. Although I never talked or intentionally thought about it, questions flickered in the back of my mind: How would each of my three children break my heart? When would it happen? Would it be intentional or not? How would I cope? Would I be able to cope?
Reading Mary’s book surfaced these anxious thoughts for me, and then rinsed them out. I realized in a fresh way that the Truths of the Bible that have meant so much to me in other trials of my life are and will be just as relevant as I walk through this new-for-me road of parenting adult children.
I will be hanging onto this book as I move forward, dipping into it for reminders, intentionally replacing my tense questions about parenting my adult children with God’s Truth.
I found this piece of wisdom from Mary especially meaningful lately: “Perhaps the best thing you can do for all your relationships is to tend your soul, give your body rest, and let your mind find quiet space to heal. Shalom, that beautiful Hebrew word, doesn’t merely mean the absence of war. It means a body, soul, and mind at rest” (p. 93).
Mary’s naming of these years of parenting adult children as a time of “thriving” has also sparked a shift in my thinking. Until my eyes caught her uplifting phrase, I didn’t realize the dread tainting my subconscious for the time when my nest will be deserted.
My favourite part of the whole book is Mary’s tone of humble gentleness. Never shrill or harsh, Mary often mentions her own current struggle with the very topic she is writing about. Here’s just one example: “As I read over that list, a few of my interactions have sprung to mind, sadly. While it’s not easy to acknowledge those times I’ve been fully relying on my flesh, repentance is a big element of my love for Jesus” (pp. 99-100). The tension knot in my back loosens as my spirit welcomes both her pointing towards the Truth I need to hear and the humble admittance that she is just as in need of daily help from a loving Saviour to put those Truths into practice as I am!
Thank you, Mary, for your obedience and diligence in writing this book.
September 5, 2022
I’ve read several of Mary’s books, and she always points me to Jesus. Her writing is theologically sound. In Love, Pray, Listen, Mary has a profound way of interpreting passages and applying them to our struggle with our wayward adult child. She goes deep. This book is rich, and not one word is wasted. It couldn’t have come at a better time for me personally!
Mary unpacks I Corinthians 13 and relates it to this stage of parenting, especially with an adult child who is struggling. At the end of each chapter, she gives practical ways we can love, pray, and listen. One particular tool I found so helpful was writing a personal lament using Psalm 43. This was a powerful exercise!
It’s easy to lose our spiritual foothold when we have a wayward adult child. Mary reminds us of who God says we are by the truths in His Word. “Your value does not lie in your ability to perfectly parent, nor does it come from adult children who make perfect choices.”
It’s apparent that the Lord has done a great work in Mary’s heart and mind regarding loving, praying, and listening to her own adult children, and she’s sharing her God-given wisdom with other parents who desperately need this encouragement.
It is our enduring love for our adult child that propels us to even pick up a book like this. As she walks us through the 1 Corinthians 13 passage on Paul’s description of love and relates it to our parenting of wayward adult children, Mary reminds us, “This kind of enduring love seems impossible because it is. It is the stuff of God, and we cannot love this way without him.” Yet, it is how he calls us to love. Mary gives us an eternal perspective that shifts our hearts and minds as we navigate difficult territory with our adult children. If we love how God’s Word instructs us; and want to use His Word to help us in our struggle with our wayward child, this book is a must-read!
Mary unpacks I Corinthians 13 and relates it to this stage of parenting, especially with an adult child who is struggling. At the end of each chapter, she gives practical ways we can love, pray, and listen. One particular tool I found so helpful was writing a personal lament using Psalm 43. This was a powerful exercise!
It’s easy to lose our spiritual foothold when we have a wayward adult child. Mary reminds us of who God says we are by the truths in His Word. “Your value does not lie in your ability to perfectly parent, nor does it come from adult children who make perfect choices.”
It’s apparent that the Lord has done a great work in Mary’s heart and mind regarding loving, praying, and listening to her own adult children, and she’s sharing her God-given wisdom with other parents who desperately need this encouragement.
It is our enduring love for our adult child that propels us to even pick up a book like this. As she walks us through the 1 Corinthians 13 passage on Paul’s description of love and relates it to our parenting of wayward adult children, Mary reminds us, “This kind of enduring love seems impossible because it is. It is the stuff of God, and we cannot love this way without him.” Yet, it is how he calls us to love. Mary gives us an eternal perspective that shifts our hearts and minds as we navigate difficult territory with our adult children. If we love how God’s Word instructs us; and want to use His Word to help us in our struggle with our wayward child, this book is a must-read!
September 13, 2022
Though Love, Pray, Listen: Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids with Joy is a fantastic book for parents who find themselves navigating the difficult path of dealing with a prodigal child. However, I found it incredibly helpful—and inspiring and motivating—for those of us who don’t fall into this category, those of us whose children have followed a godly path.
My husband and I have been empty nesters since 2014, and we are grateful to have enjoyed a positive relationship with our adult children and their spouses. That being said, I always feel like I can learn more about how to better interact in a way that affirms their adulthood while still being their mom.
To that end, consider this gem from Chapter 4, “Love Is Not Jealous”: God entrusted our children to us to raise, love, discipline, and nurture for eighteen years. Eventually, those “gifts” are launched into the world. We shift from being responsible for them to being responsible to pray for them. This is a subtle linguistic shift, but it’s important. Just as our children were never really ours to own (even though they lived under our roof), they certainly aren’t ours to control when they begin building their own lives and families.
What a great nugget of wisdom for parents of young adults! I found myself nodding my head as I read, sometimes from agreement, sometimes from being challenged to try something new or look at a situation differently.
Bottom line: This book will bless parents with wayward children, and it will bless parents of children who have stayed true to their parents’ teaching and a godly path. I can imagine myself referring to it again and again during my parenting journey. It’s truly a must-read!
My husband and I have been empty nesters since 2014, and we are grateful to have enjoyed a positive relationship with our adult children and their spouses. That being said, I always feel like I can learn more about how to better interact in a way that affirms their adulthood while still being their mom.
To that end, consider this gem from Chapter 4, “Love Is Not Jealous”: God entrusted our children to us to raise, love, discipline, and nurture for eighteen years. Eventually, those “gifts” are launched into the world. We shift from being responsible for them to being responsible to pray for them. This is a subtle linguistic shift, but it’s important. Just as our children were never really ours to own (even though they lived under our roof), they certainly aren’t ours to control when they begin building their own lives and families.
What a great nugget of wisdom for parents of young adults! I found myself nodding my head as I read, sometimes from agreement, sometimes from being challenged to try something new or look at a situation differently.
Bottom line: This book will bless parents with wayward children, and it will bless parents of children who have stayed true to their parents’ teaching and a godly path. I can imagine myself referring to it again and again during my parenting journey. It’s truly a must-read!
August 23, 2022
A must-read book on parenting young adult children. We have always seen material on navigating early years, infants, toddlers, etc., but the parenting journey does not end when our child turns 18. If anything, it gets even more complicated.
As an Immigrant Indian parent in this country, I have often struggled to find the balance between raising my children in their culture of origin and the culture they are growing up in. My only resource has been my faith. But navigating Jesus's teachings and applying them to parenting is not always easy. Parenting is a form of discipleship, and when we as parents examine our hearts, fear and control drive us compared to patience and love.
Mary's writing is honest and refreshing. She writes about her experiences and journey of being a mother. Her words are rooted in scripture, which we need as Christian parents. I appreciate the reference to the Hebrew and Greek root words as it tells us how often we have been reading and misapplying scripture. She challenges our assumptions and encourages us to look deep into our hearts to dig out our pride and selfishness.
I have already given copies of this book to other Indian American parents, and I would love to see this book being used in book discussion groups and parenting classes. Everyone at the stage of young adult parenting needs to purchase this book!
As an Immigrant Indian parent in this country, I have often struggled to find the balance between raising my children in their culture of origin and the culture they are growing up in. My only resource has been my faith. But navigating Jesus's teachings and applying them to parenting is not always easy. Parenting is a form of discipleship, and when we as parents examine our hearts, fear and control drive us compared to patience and love.
Mary's writing is honest and refreshing. She writes about her experiences and journey of being a mother. Her words are rooted in scripture, which we need as Christian parents. I appreciate the reference to the Hebrew and Greek root words as it tells us how often we have been reading and misapplying scripture. She challenges our assumptions and encourages us to look deep into our hearts to dig out our pride and selfishness.
I have already given copies of this book to other Indian American parents, and I would love to see this book being used in book discussion groups and parenting classes. Everyone at the stage of young adult parenting needs to purchase this book!
November 24, 2022
Chapters in this book go phrase by phrase through 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, discussing what they tell us about demonstrating love to our adult children who aren’t walking with the Lord in the way we would like. This hits close to home. If we didn’t love them so much (or the Lord!), it would be easier to say, “No big deal. It doesn’t matter.” One of deMuth’s chief points is that my relationship with the Lord must be strong and not vacillate with my adult child’s wise or unwise choices. My inability to change their choices should drive me toward personal growth and greater dependence on God. The final chapter looks at the parable of the Lost Son (Prodigal Son, or better, Prodigal Father.) The father loved his son enough to let him go, interceded for him while waiting for him to come face to face with the nature of his sin, welcomes his return and dignifies him by listening to his story, and then, in grace, throws a feast.
Each chapter ends with a challenge to think about what love looks like in practice, a prayer, and a suggestion for learning to listen better. The author uses the New Living Translation, which lends a freshness to the wording.
Each chapter ends with a challenge to think about what love looks like in practice, a prayer, and a suggestion for learning to listen better. The author uses the New Living Translation, which lends a freshness to the wording.
December 27, 2022
What a much needed resource, especially in today's times. Mary walks us through 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.NIV) and she has 15 chapters based on each one of these nuggets with a focus that is more on the parent than the 'wayward adult child' so it's more of an introspection on self, which is easier to navigate, to be perfectly honest. I can't change anyone else, I am only responsible for my actions. She not only walks you through the nugget 'love is patient', etc, but also ends each chapter with a 'love, pray, listen' section that helps you tangibly love your child better, pray over them (and self), and how to listen better. An excellent resource for both parents, but also adult children. Kudos!
*I received a copy of this book from NetGalley. This review is my own opinion*
*I received a copy of this book from NetGalley. This review is my own opinion*
September 20, 2022
love, pray, listen by Mary DeMuth is not a how-to-parent adult children book. Instead, by using 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Mary promises that by the time readers finish the book, they will have a better understanding of how to practically live in the midst of this parenting teeter-totter between grace without truth creates license, and truth without grace creates legalism.
Mary's hope in writing this book is that parents will unpack what it means to tangibly love their adult children, deepen their prayer life for them, and actively hear the heart of their adult child.
Whether your adult child is making choices you rather they wouldn't make or not, I believe all parents of adult children can benefit from reading love, pray, listen.
As Mary asks, what if our adult child's behavior and decisions are not about them, per se, but part of God's refining of us?
Perhaps, as we carefully read this book, we will find the answer to that question and much more.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from Bethany House for a fair and honest review, which is exactly what I gave.
Mary's hope in writing this book is that parents will unpack what it means to tangibly love their adult children, deepen their prayer life for them, and actively hear the heart of their adult child.
Whether your adult child is making choices you rather they wouldn't make or not, I believe all parents of adult children can benefit from reading love, pray, listen.
As Mary asks, what if our adult child's behavior and decisions are not about them, per se, but part of God's refining of us?
Perhaps, as we carefully read this book, we will find the answer to that question and much more.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from Bethany House for a fair and honest review, which is exactly what I gave.
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