Pastoral Friendship: The Forgotten Piece in a Persevering Ministry

by Michael A.G. Haykin, Brian Croft, James B. Carroll

Friendship is a need that touches the deepest parts of the human soul. This is especially true in ministry. It is a need that is not simply rooted in enjoyment and companionship, but in the necessity to care well of one’s soul and survive a long–term ministry. This book seeks to persuade every modern pastor of the essential need of friendship. And not just any friendship, but a close, personal, intimate, and sacrificial pastor–to–pastor friendship that regularly turns each other’s gaze to Jesus.

Friends and pastors, Michael Haykin, Brian Croft and James Carroll examine portraits of friendship in scripture and church history, before exhorting readers to modern pastoral friendships.



Contents

Foreword by Austin Walker

Introduction

Part 1: Looking Back

1. Portraits of Friendships in Scripture

2. A Pastoral Friendship (1): Basil of Caesarea and Eusebius of Samosata (4th Century)

3. A Pastoral Friendship (2): Benjamin Francis and Joshua Thomas (18th Century)

Part 2: Looking Ahead

4. The Command for Friendship

5. The Blessings of Friendship

6. The Challenges of Friendship

7. Modern Exhortations to Pastoral Friendship

Conclusion

138 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 8, 2022

About the author

Dr. Michael A.G. Haykin is the Professor of Church History and Biblical Spirituality and Director of The Andrew Fuller Center for Baptist Studies at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

He is also the editor of Eusebeia: The Bulletin of The Andrew Fuller Center for Baptist Studies. His present areas of research include 18th-century British Baptist life and thought, as well as Patristic Trinitarianism and Baptist piety.

Haykin is a prolific writer having authored numerous books, over 250 articles and over 150 book reviews. He is also an accomplished editor with numerous editorial credits.

Reviews

[Rob Sumrall · Rating 5 out of 5]

This little book is a must-read for pastors!

Haykin, Croft, and Carroll are operating off of a clear premise: "Every modern pastor needs the presence and friendship of other pastors to thrive and persevere throughout the unique challenges of pastoral ministry" (17). They defend their premise by both looking back and looking ahead. In looking back, they examine biblical examples of friendship, and look at two beautiful friendships in church history: Basil of Caesarea with Eusebius of Samosata and Benjamin Francis and Joshua Thomas (both from the Puritan era).

After laying this historical groundwork, they establish a strong argument for friendships from Scripture. This firm admonition leads them to make a stunning statement about the modern church and its pastors: "We simply cannot take the Bible seriously and avoid friendship. However, we know too many pastors who labor in isolation to the detriment of their souls, their families, and their ministries. These men operate as if they are either unaware of, or exempt from, this command for a host of insufficient reasons" (95). They address those insufficient reasons head-on in the final chapter.

I have known, and, if I'm honest, I have tasted the bitter loneliness that comes with the pastoral ministry. It is cruel and harsh and depressing. In my later years, I have learned to feel my way into some very life-giving and authentic friendships. I wish I had read this book in my 20s. I think my 30s and early 40s would have been so much more bearable. I strongly urge pastors (especially young pastors) to read this book.... and DO it. Apply the principles found within. They will help steal you for the difficult seasons that are certain to come.

[Ethan McCarter · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting and easily readable book. I'd say that there's nothing particularly profound which Haykin gives, but it is a helpful read that shouldn't take too much time to finish. The first part of the book is more stale I'd say and made me think that it was tacked on as a necessary biblical and historical component. He uses typical examples of biblical friendship such as Paul and Barnabas and David and Jonathan. The historical examples tried to show lesser known historical figures (save for Basil of Caesarea), but came off as forced and not overly helpful. The second part of the book is excellent and is well worth the time. Here Haykin and the others comment on pitfalls in friendship, practical examples of cultivating friendship, and the friendship Jesus offers to fallen men and how it is essentially different from any other friendship. One other area I disagreed with is Haykin's calling friendship a "means of grace." The means of grace are preaching, prayer, and the sacraments. Friendship may be an element of sanctification that the Lord uses to sharpen us, but it does not communicate his grace. Best to safeguard our terminology on that spot in order to not lessen the means of grace given by the Lord. In toto, it's not a bad book that is quite helpful for those in the ministry. The ministry can be a lonely vocation; friends are vital to persevering and cultivating fruit for Christ's kingdom.

[Dimas Castillo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book covers an area that is seldom discussed, pastoral friendships. The authors present a well-rounded argument for the necessity of pastors to have godly friends. The book provides several examples of biblical friendship as well as friendships developed by some well know Christians. Then, the book goes on to provide reasons why pastoral friendship is important for pastors. In the last chapter, the authors share personal experiences of how they have developed friendships with certain someone throughout the years. Overall, the book is written for pastors and leaders. I think, there are some areas the book could expand on, however, I understand the limited space for writing a book.

[Wescott Robinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pastoral friendship has been one of Gods greatest blessings in my life the past beginning 7 or 8 years ago. One of the quotes that particularly resonated was that friendship ‘halves your sorrow and doubles your joy’. This is certainly true. For pastors who are relationally isolated this book will serve as an eye opener to their need for friendships through which the Lord can work. For pastors who are well connected relationally this book will remind them of those blessings and spur them towards greater faithfulness in friendship.

[John Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

The final chapter was far and away the most interesting for me. I would have liked more personal details from the authors in the other chapters. Solid book though on an important topic that is hardly ever addressed.

[J.T. · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just not that good...

I really wanted this book to be better. It got better at the end but so much more can be said about Pastoral Friendship and said better.

I rarely give less than three stars. It wasn't horrible, but not as helpful as 150 pages should have been on the topic.

[Phil Butcher · Rating 3 out of 5]

A helpful book on the need for pastors to have true friends - which aids persevering in ministry. 4 stars for content. 2 stars for writing style - which is at times quite laborious. But still a worthwhile read.

[Jonathan Ginn · Rating 3 out of 5]

A light, easy read on an important and practical ministry topic. The first half of the book seemed, for lack of better words, rather obligatory. The second half was filled with some great insights.

[Alastair Gooderham · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easy to read book that focuses on our need for friendship and the particular struggles pastors have building friendships. Helpful to think through

[Darren Maxfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first half of the book is good but seems largely unnecessary. The real meat is the second half. Also, while this book is written for pastors, it is helpful for anyone. Men need to read this.

[Alan Rathbun · Rating 4 out of 5]

This books starts slow but chapters 6 and 7 are worth the price of the book.

[Hunter Wheatcraft · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just a helpful and encouraging little book.

[Luke Schmeltzer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mankind was made for relationship, and men are better for having good friends. Pastors especially are in danger of isolation and hypocrisy, making pastoral friendships all the more necessary.

[Mark Christenson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good.

[Seth Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is encouraging and practically helpful on a subject that has too long been neglected in the lives of pastors