What do you think?
Rate this book
How to Grieve
How do you deal with a broken heart? In typical Jade Mark Capiñanes fashion, How to Grieve offers helpful if sardonic advice that you should either take with a grain of salt or use as a menu of survival strategies for the next minute your world falls apart. Each story is a distillation of pain, beauty, ordinariness, and strangeness—each one a koan of heartbreak to contemplate as we stub our toes on the long, rocky road to healing.
— Anna Felicia C. Sanchez
How to Grieve is a story collection that understands the brevity of the form, the brevity of our lives—and of the relationships we hope—and often fail—to build. Jade Mark Capiñanes is a master at showing us that the root of our longings is that we've all been here before—here being that liminal space of inattention in between grieving and moving on. Here is a must-read manual to help us survive our present-day unreason, at the seeming impossibility of planning, of a future, of the future. You have to read this more than once because we probably need more than one reminder of our lives thus far to be fully alive again.
— Edgar Calabia Samar
Jade Mark Capiñanes presents an expansive view of life, punctuated by surreal humor, allusions that range from pop culture to concepts from classical philosophy, and sharp turns into poignant—at times sobering—insights. For all its brevity, this collection could be read like the most complex of novels. The more we read and reread a narrative, the more we discover something different about it. The more we understand our own lives and (lost) loves.
— George Gonzaga Deoso
— Anna Felicia C. Sanchez
How to Grieve is a story collection that understands the brevity of the form, the brevity of our lives—and of the relationships we hope—and often fail—to build. Jade Mark Capiñanes is a master at showing us that the root of our longings is that we've all been here before—here being that liminal space of inattention in between grieving and moving on. Here is a must-read manual to help us survive our present-day unreason, at the seeming impossibility of planning, of a future, of the future. You have to read this more than once because we probably need more than one reminder of our lives thus far to be fully alive again.
— Edgar Calabia Samar
Jade Mark Capiñanes presents an expansive view of life, punctuated by surreal humor, allusions that range from pop culture to concepts from classical philosophy, and sharp turns into poignant—at times sobering—insights. For all its brevity, this collection could be read like the most complex of novels. The more we read and reread a narrative, the more we discover something different about it. The more we understand our own lives and (lost) loves.
— George Gonzaga Deoso
- GenresShort StoriesFiction
77 pages, Paperback
Published September 15, 2022
14 people are currently reading
298 people want to read
About the author
Jade Mark Capiñanes
6 books111 followersJade Mark Capiñanes is a Filipino writer. He is the author of the short story collection How to Grieve, published in 2022.
He won 3rd Prize in the Essay Category of the Don Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards for Literature in 2017 and 2024. He was a fellow for novella at the 2025 UP National Writers Workshop, for poetry at the 2023 Iyas National Writers Workshop, and for creative nonfiction at the 2019 Ateneo National Writers Workshop, 2017 University of Santo Tomas National Writers Workshop, and 2016 Davao Writers Workshop.
Born and raised in Davao City, he is currently taking his MFA in Creative Writing at De La Salle University in Manila.
He won 3rd Prize in the Essay Category of the Don Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards for Literature in 2017 and 2024. He was a fellow for novella at the 2025 UP National Writers Workshop, for poetry at the 2023 Iyas National Writers Workshop, and for creative nonfiction at the 2019 Ateneo National Writers Workshop, 2017 University of Santo Tomas National Writers Workshop, and 2016 Davao Writers Workshop.
Born and raised in Davao City, he is currently taking his MFA in Creative Writing at De La Salle University in Manila.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
November 4, 2022
Not that I would tier-rank myself on the same level as the author, but I feel like I could’ve written this book. Okay, any of the stories that don’t involve love and heartbreak. My friends would often call me out on my (incurable) tendency to crack jokes even in the most inappropriate situations. To me, it’s so much easier to transmit humor or to wrap a feeling in a witty remark. In How to Grieve, Capiñanes navigates the tragedy of the human experience through comedy. And it’s not only just funny; it’s also profound and sincere and sad. Maybe along the vein of Bo Burnham’s Inside, but Capiñanes is more interior in examining just what makes us grieve for the lost. While these stories may feel like exercises, especially in their WikiHow headlining, and their abruptness to swift to wholly grasp, Capiñanes captures the heart of the matter every single time: mahirap magmove-on.
September 17, 2022
Actual rating: 3.5 stars
Reading this book is like a way also on how to grieve just like what this book is all about. It's cool and quite unique and the emotion is there. Really liked and invested on some stories i.e. how to disappear, but some felt contrived to be something else. Anyway, baka ako lang.
Reading this book is like a way also on how to grieve just like what this book is all about. It's cool and quite unique and the emotion is there. Really liked and invested on some stories i.e. how to disappear, but some felt contrived to be something else. Anyway, baka ako lang.
June 15, 2025
men explain things to me yada yada yada yada
July 4, 2025
How to Grieve shows how everyday little objects can teach about life’s big things. Jade Mark Capiñanes cleverly crafted stories out of things we wouldn't otherwise think could have deep symbolisms. He translated sophisticated lessons from philosophy, linguistics, and psychology into comprehensive and enjoyable stories.
Jade wrote these stories when he was moving on from a breakup. His stories feel personal because they indeed are. He redeemed his sad stories to be poignant lessons and showed that having humor while grieving is not a contradiction.
Jade curated these pieces as how a responsible writer should. He evidently revised each sentence thoroughly to make the prose beautiful. The brevity of each story and the entire anthology is deliberate. He divided the stories into themes and even placed each story as how they could be best read in logical order.
When I saw the Facebook posts anticipating How to Grieve, I was expecting an anthology of standard-length short stories. So when I actually saw it at M.I.B.F, I got quite disappointed with how thin this book is. When I scanned its pages, I discovered it’s actually a flash-fiction anthology. I’m an avid fan of short stories, but I’m not quite a fan of flash fictions. I got even more reluctant to buy when I eventually knew its price. I wasn't willing to spend more than 400 pesos for a book that doesn't have even a hundred pages, especially when there were more books I wanted to buy at M.I.B.F.
But the table of contents of How to Grieve is intriguing, and several respected fellow writers say good things about it. And tho I’ve known Jade Mark Capiñanes for a few months only, I can infer from his posts that he’s an educated and capable writer, so I gave him a chance. On the very hour of his book signing, I bought How to Grieve and had Jade sign it.
Having read this short book, now I know why it’s priced several hundreds even if it doesn’t have even a hundred pages. Its value goes beyond just its price.
Even the physical production of this book is beautiful—from the cover to the themes’ illustrations, the paper, the binding, to the formatting—props to Everything's Fine indie pub.
The best thing about a good short book is it can be easily reread, so it can be enjoyed many times.
Jade wrote these stories when he was moving on from a breakup. His stories feel personal because they indeed are. He redeemed his sad stories to be poignant lessons and showed that having humor while grieving is not a contradiction.
Jade curated these pieces as how a responsible writer should. He evidently revised each sentence thoroughly to make the prose beautiful. The brevity of each story and the entire anthology is deliberate. He divided the stories into themes and even placed each story as how they could be best read in logical order.
When I saw the Facebook posts anticipating How to Grieve, I was expecting an anthology of standard-length short stories. So when I actually saw it at M.I.B.F, I got quite disappointed with how thin this book is. When I scanned its pages, I discovered it’s actually a flash-fiction anthology. I’m an avid fan of short stories, but I’m not quite a fan of flash fictions. I got even more reluctant to buy when I eventually knew its price. I wasn't willing to spend more than 400 pesos for a book that doesn't have even a hundred pages, especially when there were more books I wanted to buy at M.I.B.F.
But the table of contents of How to Grieve is intriguing, and several respected fellow writers say good things about it. And tho I’ve known Jade Mark Capiñanes for a few months only, I can infer from his posts that he’s an educated and capable writer, so I gave him a chance. On the very hour of his book signing, I bought How to Grieve and had Jade sign it.
Having read this short book, now I know why it’s priced several hundreds even if it doesn’t have even a hundred pages. Its value goes beyond just its price.
Even the physical production of this book is beautiful—from the cover to the themes’ illustrations, the paper, the binding, to the formatting—props to Everything's Fine indie pub.
The best thing about a good short book is it can be easily reread, so it can be enjoyed many times.
January 10, 2023
I read How to Grieve in one sitting, returning to those shards which I held most dearly (my favorites being "how to collect toothbrushes", "how to repair damaged sneakers", and the evocative "how to disappear"). The author is definitely gifted and skilled to write something so uneasy, simply, each story almost like a deep sigh.
I am reminded of the popularized line of "grief is love with nowhere to go". Beyond the intellectualization, beyond the myths and places and facts and fantasies and myths and proverbs, there is love that finds itself in one's fist. Each story ends with stillness, immobile, unmoving. And strangely, contrary to the beautiful protest against the DABDA Framework by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (whose main sample are people with life-threatening diseases/terminally ill, but whose theory captured social imagination and has embedded in our cultural consciousness, associating with any kind of loss/grief), the stories do appear to maintain the shape of it.
I feel that the stories are bargaining, are angry, are denying, and actually revolve on the different colors and shades of these--all desperate, desiring, for acceptance, but finding themselves stuck. This, I feel, is the somber yet lustrous humanity that reveals itself with every story. Almost like a mantra or a chant that we tell ourselves, "I'm okay" "I'm okay". Though there's an invisible [must] here. At times, the psychologist in me desire for the persona to simply be. And so I celebrate when the persona did simply stare at the hole in the bulalo. Sitting and tolerating with the pain and discomfort of loss and emptiness.
For some reason, the stories also remind me of a poem by Abigail Parry called "Arterial" (https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/bo...), which straightforwardly and round-a-boutedly explores heartbreak.
An hour or so beautifully spent - I appreciate and thank the author for the care, the intents, and the meanings they touch.
I am reminded of the popularized line of "grief is love with nowhere to go". Beyond the intellectualization, beyond the myths and places and facts and fantasies and myths and proverbs, there is love that finds itself in one's fist. Each story ends with stillness, immobile, unmoving. And strangely, contrary to the beautiful protest against the DABDA Framework by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (whose main sample are people with life-threatening diseases/terminally ill, but whose theory captured social imagination and has embedded in our cultural consciousness, associating with any kind of loss/grief), the stories do appear to maintain the shape of it.
I feel that the stories are bargaining, are angry, are denying, and actually revolve on the different colors and shades of these--all desperate, desiring, for acceptance, but finding themselves stuck. This, I feel, is the somber yet lustrous humanity that reveals itself with every story. Almost like a mantra or a chant that we tell ourselves, "I'm okay" "I'm okay". Though there's an invisible [must] here. At times, the psychologist in me desire for the persona to simply be. And so I celebrate when the persona did simply stare at the hole in the bulalo. Sitting and tolerating with the pain and discomfort of loss and emptiness.
For some reason, the stories also remind me of a poem by Abigail Parry called "Arterial" (https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/bo...), which straightforwardly and round-a-boutedly explores heartbreak.
An hour or so beautifully spent - I appreciate and thank the author for the care, the intents, and the meanings they touch.
October 16, 2022
There is something lacking in this book.
But before we get to that, let me point out what I liked.
Definitely the experimental forms of some of the stories.
The very short stories - flash fic form because it’s quick to go through.
But I felt like at each end of a story, I was waiting for the punchline or something to punch me in the gut. It lacked emotion for me.
I bet tomorrow I’d wake up and won’t remember majority of the book. Now that I think quickly I only remember about the Jolly spaghetti and the refrigerator stories.
But before we get to that, let me point out what I liked.
Definitely the experimental forms of some of the stories.
The very short stories - flash fic form because it’s quick to go through.
But I felt like at each end of a story, I was waiting for the punchline or something to punch me in the gut. It lacked emotion for me.
I bet tomorrow I’d wake up and won’t remember majority of the book. Now that I think quickly I only remember about the Jolly spaghetti and the refrigerator stories.
January 14, 2023
i'll try to reread this while drinking and see if it hits way harder than it does after first read. lol.
nevertheless, a simple, dynamic, experimental gen-z book. its greatness comes from its style—brevity and mundanity. sir jade's mastery in delivering complex thoughts through intricately brief storytelling is what makes the book effective. every story has weight—and it's a heavy one.
my favorites are "how to order bulalo," "how to repair damaged sneakers," "how to build a ship," how to disappear," "how to be funny," and "how to move on."
nevertheless, a simple, dynamic, experimental gen-z book. its greatness comes from its style—brevity and mundanity. sir jade's mastery in delivering complex thoughts through intricately brief storytelling is what makes the book effective. every story has weight—and it's a heavy one.
my favorites are "how to order bulalo," "how to repair damaged sneakers," "how to build a ship," how to disappear," "how to be funny," and "how to move on."
September 18, 2022
"But the thing is, even though you cannot feel them, you have not lost the sense of how much they weigh."
"You still cannot feel your fingers, but when everything sinks in you do feel everything else."
"I always find it hard to leave some places and people, but that's often what people do, and so someday I would, too."
"She can always be all right again."
Read this twice already since I bought it yesterday. My new favorite book. Thank you for this. ❤️
January 25, 2023
Last chapter was kind of a bust. Especially when you consider how gut-punching the stories are on the fourth one. I just really wish it had a better selection of stories for "Survival". Nevertheless, I enjoyed reading this book for the most part. My favorite story from this book though is "How to Disappear". 🥺
April 12, 2023
I loved How to Burn Fallen Leaves and How to Build a Ship. Shared it with my boyfriend and we got scared on how that might feel 😭
November 1, 2022
I wish I had some beer ready before starting this book. It was as if I were listening to a drunk sad boi.
November 26, 2022
I was really excited when I browsed the contents before reading it because Iike the concept of it, peaking more of my interest on how the author will execute the contents of this since everything is a How To. (Felt like a literary version of WikiHow lol). But it got me curious.
It started weak for me, like the stories were written from an emotional perspective but the way it was executed felt like there’s no depth to it, and I was looking for that. It’s easy and fun to read but I need more other than what it’s telling me on the surface. But when it comes to the last three parts, Objects, Travels, and Survival, I finally found what I’m looking for. The stories were well-written and has depth and will make you think about them after reading it. They’re mostly about dealing with break-up, moving on, but Jade Mark Capiñanes managed to tell them differently at a time depending on whether what he liked to convey.
Overall, it was an easy read and fun at times, heartfelt at most.
It started weak for me, like the stories were written from an emotional perspective but the way it was executed felt like there’s no depth to it, and I was looking for that. It’s easy and fun to read but I need more other than what it’s telling me on the surface. But when it comes to the last three parts, Objects, Travels, and Survival, I finally found what I’m looking for. The stories were well-written and has depth and will make you think about them after reading it. They’re mostly about dealing with break-up, moving on, but Jade Mark Capiñanes managed to tell them differently at a time depending on whether what he liked to convey.
Overall, it was an easy read and fun at times, heartfelt at most.
December 29, 2022
I like the author’s approach and his writing technique (I dubbed as his “language”) kasi natural itong nakikibagay sa hamon at takbo ng kasalukuyang panahon. That’s how he hovered this book—very millennial & gen z, but more personal. Not trying too hard, so it can reach us easily, but deeply.
I also love the fact na extensive din ang discourses, and he wrote it through his smooth writing technique. It stretched from popular culture to classical philosophy, but it was simple to communicate with the stories and characters without feeling dispassionate. And I think anyone who enjoys ruminating on mundane items and monotonous occurrences that take up grand spaces in our everyday lives (without us consciously knowing) would love this. It essentially feels like talking to yourself and your thoughts too.
In simple terms, if I can describe this collection of stories, I would say that this is an achingly bittersweet summation of daily existence.
I also love the fact na extensive din ang discourses, and he wrote it through his smooth writing technique. It stretched from popular culture to classical philosophy, but it was simple to communicate with the stories and characters without feeling dispassionate. And I think anyone who enjoys ruminating on mundane items and monotonous occurrences that take up grand spaces in our everyday lives (without us consciously knowing) would love this. It essentially feels like talking to yourself and your thoughts too.
In simple terms, if I can describe this collection of stories, I would say that this is an achingly bittersweet summation of daily existence.
September 10, 2022
Pain feels better when humored. However, it also signals as worrisome. Something displacing, but relevant.
A refreshing read of collections on dealing with grief inflicted by people, places, events, and love. The book introduces measures which are not typically methodological. Rather, it tales the means of grief through perspectives of conversations between two seated people, a brief exchange at a commonplace, and an endeavor of destinations--to which few or more of them could be in a form of a person/memory.
Though the accounts were rarely familiar (in personal levels), this book also allows *healthy-people in love* to process (if not further) grief as complex and unique as love. That love and grief are not opposite ends of the human polar, but they simply go along each other. Together.
Great read!
A refreshing read of collections on dealing with grief inflicted by people, places, events, and love. The book introduces measures which are not typically methodological. Rather, it tales the means of grief through perspectives of conversations between two seated people, a brief exchange at a commonplace, and an endeavor of destinations--to which few or more of them could be in a form of a person/memory.
Though the accounts were rarely familiar (in personal levels), this book also allows *healthy-people in love* to process (if not further) grief as complex and unique as love. That love and grief are not opposite ends of the human polar, but they simply go along each other. Together.
Great read!
October 13, 2023
Glad I was able to secure a copy and relished this quick read after a draining week :) I heard commotions about this upon its release and remembered eagerly wanting the book. To be honest, it felt like this collection is perfect for only a specific type of audience and although I feel like I do not belong to the category, it was still a great experience. There were some favorite excerpts that stuck to me (i.e. How to Build a Ship, How to Move On, and How to Cross a River) but nonetheless, it was refreshing to see dry humor among Filipinos is still at its peak. BRB while my brain spaghettifies.
January 2, 2024
I love how the book lent language to a feeling often described as "no words".
What is grief really? I watched somewhere that it's "love persevering". Same sentiments from a facebook post I read a while back: "grief is the leftover love that now has nowhere to go". The author did a great job of showing us how we deal with grief or at least how we can relate to people grieving.
Some stories are a bit too abstract for my puny head to comprehend. Maybe I just haven't been hurt enough for me to get it (should I hope for me to get it?). But the execution is near flawless and I know that if I'm a bit smarter, this will surely kick my guts. 4 stars.
What is grief really? I watched somewhere that it's "love persevering". Same sentiments from a facebook post I read a while back: "grief is the leftover love that now has nowhere to go". The author did a great job of showing us how we deal with grief or at least how we can relate to people grieving.
Some stories are a bit too abstract for my puny head to comprehend. Maybe I just haven't been hurt enough for me to get it (should I hope for me to get it?). But the execution is near flawless and I know that if I'm a bit smarter, this will surely kick my guts. 4 stars.
January 19, 2023
There’s something selfish but beautiful in romanticizing heartbreak and failed relationships. It’s an attempt to immortalize the honeymoon stage, the toxicity, and the inevitable ending. It doesn’t have to make sense to others as long as you get to remember that you shared something with someone at some point on time.
The first few stories are entertaining but didn’t really tug my heartstrings but maybe it’s because it’s so personal that it felt so far away from me. The stories under Travel and Survival were my favorites and bumped my rating from a 3 star to a 4.
The first few stories are entertaining but didn’t really tug my heartstrings but maybe it’s because it’s so personal that it felt so far away from me. The stories under Travel and Survival were my favorites and bumped my rating from a 3 star to a 4.
December 8, 2023
It took me quite a while to read this book due to exams and everything, but when I tell you that it has been in my cart for so long. The tension between me and my impulsiveness was over the moon. One thing I can say to you before you read this book is that be ready for some jaw dropping moments. I really liked how the author used different analogies involving Filipino cuisine and culture in the book, which I really liked as I felt connected and seen whilst reading the book. I was supposed to give it 5 stars, but I wasn’t able to understand some parts, but that’s completely my fault.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
April 23, 2025
I have been a fan of the author ever since I stumbled upon his random postings on Facebook, so even if the book is about breakups, I still bought a copy because I really like how he writes. This book just shows how great his writing is.
All the stories are sad, but I laughed at times because there’s always a sprinkle of dark humor that is just very Jade Capiñanes. (Sobrang bet ko talaga humor niya.)
But the stories in the book will not just make you sad or laugh at times, they will mostly make you think and reflect on your past relationships, and maybe even about life in general.
All the stories are sad, but I laughed at times because there’s always a sprinkle of dark humor that is just very Jade Capiñanes. (Sobrang bet ko talaga humor niya.)
But the stories in the book will not just make you sad or laugh at times, they will mostly make you think and reflect on your past relationships, and maybe even about life in general.
November 14, 2023
4⭐️
bought a copy of this from a local bookshop where i had some collage work exhibited for almost two months.
i enjoyed this naman. i haven't read prose in a long time, but the spaghetti piece got me from the get go and i managed to finish this in one sitting.
my favorite part is the travel section. the way the stories flowed there resonated the most with me.
brilliant execution of feelings.
bought a copy of this from a local bookshop where i had some collage work exhibited for almost two months.
i enjoyed this naman. i haven't read prose in a long time, but the spaghetti piece got me from the get go and i managed to finish this in one sitting.
my favorite part is the travel section. the way the stories flowed there resonated the most with me.
brilliant execution of feelings.
March 30, 2025
Not my cup of tea. I didn’t like the very sad boi + quirky stories. 😬 It lacked a depth. But it was easy and interesting enough to get through that I still finished it. There were definitely stand out stories that I liked - particularly “How to Disappear”. That was a good one.
Jade Mark Capinanes does write well that it was still sort of enjoyable to get through. I got his other book as well, and I am looking forward to reading that next.
Jade Mark Capinanes does write well that it was still sort of enjoyable to get through. I got his other book as well, and I am looking forward to reading that next.
November 28, 2025
Dnf Got halfway through and realized i was not connecting with the contents this was interesting tho
“Dear K,
This morning I ate the hopia in the refrigerator. I know the former sentence is quite ambiguous, so I want to make it clear:(1) the hopia I mean is the hopia in the refrigerator you saw when you last visited here, and (2) I was inside the refrigerator when I ate it.” -Jade Mark Capiñanes (how to grieve)
“Dear K,
This morning I ate the hopia in the refrigerator. I know the former sentence is quite ambiguous, so I want to make it clear:(1) the hopia I mean is the hopia in the refrigerator you saw when you last visited here, and (2) I was inside the refrigerator when I ate it.” -Jade Mark Capiñanes (how to grieve)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 20, 2025
Finally after a month of slump, I’ve finished a book — a short one. The author tries to relay the very human experience of grieving in its many forms through a quirky and comedic way but not without the wit. It’s like reading hugot lines but with more profoundness. It’s sincere. It’s sad. All of these make it so relatable. I’m sure you’ll find one story and say “that’s me that time…”
August 30, 2025
1.5 ⭐️
The author’s strength lies in the stories that plainly tell their experiences about heartbreak. Unfortunately, there were only a few of those in this collection. Most stories try really hard to convey metaphors that just don’t exist. They also try to build upon existing stories like the Ship of Theseus without adding much to it.
The author’s strength lies in the stories that plainly tell their experiences about heartbreak. Unfortunately, there were only a few of those in this collection. Most stories try really hard to convey metaphors that just don’t exist. They also try to build upon existing stories like the Ship of Theseus without adding much to it.
May 7, 2024
Love the humor and brevity.
Sobrang enjoy basahin! Daming quotables. Kung younger ako nang mabasa ko ‘to, tadtad siguro ‘to ng annotations. Pinaka nagustuhan ko ay:
1. How to Preserve Hopia;
2. How to Collect Toothbrushes;
3. How to Disappear; at,
4. How to Remember a Name
Sobrang enjoy basahin! Daming quotables. Kung younger ako nang mabasa ko ‘to, tadtad siguro ‘to ng annotations. Pinaka nagustuhan ko ay:
1. How to Preserve Hopia;
2. How to Collect Toothbrushes;
3. How to Disappear; at,
4. How to Remember a Name
February 19, 2022
Slightly better than Digital Loves.
November 13, 2022
more like 3.5 stars — it was really good! a quick read, but sometimes felt like getting hit in the chest with a brick. but in a good way!! 🤧
January 14, 2023
it did not in fact teach me how to grieve
July 22, 2023
one of the best local books i've ever read. it has the same feels as someone who will love you in all your damaged glory 💖
March 8, 2024
*3.5
i got a glimpse on how disorienting and numbing a breakup can be 🥲
i got a glimpse on how disorienting and numbing a breakup can be 🥲
Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews