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Before Your Teenagers Drive You Crazy, Read This!: Battlefield Wisdom for Stressed-Out Parents
Nigel Latta has drawn on his extensive experience in family therapy and working with the country's most difficult teenagers to write the book that will save the sanity of parents everywhere. Once you've negotiated the terrors of toddlerdom and the perils of primary school you think you've got a pretty good handle on this parenting thing - then along comes Mother Nature with her horrible hormones and suddenly you're so far behind square one you're starting to wonder if this raging bundle of contradictions screaming at you was switched in the night by evil aliens. With his now trademark humour and pragmatic common sense approach, Nigel debunks the politically correct nightmare of perfect parenting and argues for sanity first - yours - and reclaiming the ground parents have lost in the great 'I'm my child's best friend' debacle.
Paperback
First published June 1, 2008
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About the author
Nigel Latta
20 books23 followersNigel Raymond Latta ONZM was a New Zealand clinical psychologist, author and broadcaster. He has been described as "New Zealand's best-known psychologist".
Nigel Raymond Latta was born and raised in Oamaru, New Zealand. He attended Waitaki Boys' High School & he studied Marine Science and Zoology at the University of Otago, and completed a Master of Philosophy with First Class Honours in Psychology at the University of Auckland, along with a postgraduate diploma in clinical psychology.
Latta worked as a consultant in his field for private companies and government social service agencies, including Department of Corrections, the New Zealand Police and Child Youth and Family.
In the 2010s, he became known for his true crime documentaries and psychology-based television series, as the host of Beyond The Darklands, The Politically Incorrect Guide to Teenagers and The Politically Incorrect Parenting Show, and a science show called Nigel Latta Blows Stuff Up, among others. In 2016, Latta co-found Ruckus Films, a production company which produced several feature documentaries including Born This Way: Awa’s Story and Stan. He also began presenting general interest television shows, such as The Hard Stuff with Nigel Latta, which approached social and political issues,and You've Been Scammed by Nigel Latta which examines common types of scams.
Latta was appointed an Officer of the New Zealand Order of Merit in the 2012 Queen's Birthday and Diamond Jubilee Honours, for services to psychology.
In September 2024, Latta revealed that he had been diagnosed with "inoperable and incurable" terminal stomach cancer, and that he was undergoing chemotherapy that had shrunk the tumour by about 60 percent. Latta was told that he had 6 to 12 months to live. In February 2025, the prognosis was reduced to four weeks after a scan indicated that the cancer had spread to his lungs. However, Latta later said that, because of the treatment he was receiving, he believed he would continue to live for "years and years". In March 2025, he stated that he was no longer terminally ill. Latta died on 30 September 2025, at the age of 58 at the Mercy Hospice in Ponsonby, Auckland.
Abridged from Wikipedia, information about his death from the Stuff website.
Nigel Raymond Latta was born and raised in Oamaru, New Zealand. He attended Waitaki Boys' High School & he studied Marine Science and Zoology at the University of Otago, and completed a Master of Philosophy with First Class Honours in Psychology at the University of Auckland, along with a postgraduate diploma in clinical psychology.
Latta worked as a consultant in his field for private companies and government social service agencies, including Department of Corrections, the New Zealand Police and Child Youth and Family.
In the 2010s, he became known for his true crime documentaries and psychology-based television series, as the host of Beyond The Darklands, The Politically Incorrect Guide to Teenagers and The Politically Incorrect Parenting Show, and a science show called Nigel Latta Blows Stuff Up, among others. In 2016, Latta co-found Ruckus Films, a production company which produced several feature documentaries including Born This Way: Awa’s Story and Stan. He also began presenting general interest television shows, such as The Hard Stuff with Nigel Latta, which approached social and political issues,and You've Been Scammed by Nigel Latta which examines common types of scams.
Latta was appointed an Officer of the New Zealand Order of Merit in the 2012 Queen's Birthday and Diamond Jubilee Honours, for services to psychology.
In September 2024, Latta revealed that he had been diagnosed with "inoperable and incurable" terminal stomach cancer, and that he was undergoing chemotherapy that had shrunk the tumour by about 60 percent. Latta was told that he had 6 to 12 months to live. In February 2025, the prognosis was reduced to four weeks after a scan indicated that the cancer had spread to his lungs. However, Latta later said that, because of the treatment he was receiving, he believed he would continue to live for "years and years". In March 2025, he stated that he was no longer terminally ill. Latta died on 30 September 2025, at the age of 58 at the Mercy Hospice in Ponsonby, Auckland.
Abridged from Wikipedia, information about his death from the Stuff website.
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
August 7, 2018
Everyone seems to have ready-made advice on how to raise your kids, it’s hard to know whom to listen to. When I bought this book almost decade ago, I used it for ironing out some crease in my firstborn behavior finding it extremely useful (she turned out a young woman I’m very proud of) I consider my job done there.
One down, another one to go. DS is approaching the troublesome years, he has already started to show some worrying (at least for a mum) signs: damaging property (his), withdraw, eye-rolling and talkback, even if formally not a teen yet, it’s time to get this trusted manual out of the shelves!
Latta is seriously funny and one could be fooled into dismissing his humorous advice, but remember, the author is a psychologist family therapist who has worked extensively with teenagers for over twenty years, has experience in dealing with all sorts of problems young people get into: parent disrespect and verbal abuse, bullying, alcohol, petty crime, vandalism, teen pregnancy, eating disorders, self-harming, drugs, you name it, he has dealt with it, Nigel really knows his stuff.
We all know, every kid is different; every parent’s situation is unique. So instead of providing a psychology textbook with ready-made answers, paint-by-numbers solutions, so to speak, Latta offers a framework, concrete guidelines and strategies; by applying his basic principles you are given the tools to implement your simple, customized and practical plan of attack.
What I appreciate most is that Latta’s common sense approach to teen’s behavior, his advice is a breath of fresh air in this stifling politically correct field, he is not afraid to use the ‘P’ word (punishment). We all love our kids, but kids need structure, as a parent we can’t be their friend, parents need to make sure that when the rules are broken, consequences will (consistently) follow. Parents need to make teens accountable for their behavior, it’s not a matter of being mean, it about being fair. Can’t argue with that.
I found some old underlined sections in my copy, and I‘m adding new ones that specifically apply to my current case study, i.e. DS. Importantly, Nigel has different sections for teen boys and girls, because they really are different beasts, you know.
You might have guessed it, I love this book. A brilliant guide for parents of teens which I highly recommended.
Fav. quotes:
The person we are at 3 years of age is essentially who we will be at 30 years of age, just with more manners and bowel control.
Even if they say mean things to you, they want you to be there.
(applies to boys) They feel all, but they usually only show anger. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because he grunts and looks angry that this is all that’s going on. Boys are every bit as sensitive as girls … Boys just don’t make such a big deal about it, even when it is a big deal. Your job is to see past the angry displays to what might be lie beneath.
(applies to girls) Don’t judge a book by its cover. She might be looking more and more like an adult, but that doesn’t mean that she is. … At 16 she might sound convincing, just make sure you don’t let yourself be fully convinced.
Don’t try to fight youth culture. You’ll lose.
Instead, embrace young people’s fundamental right to find their own identity.
One down, another one to go. DS is approaching the troublesome years, he has already started to show some worrying (at least for a mum) signs: damaging property (his), withdraw, eye-rolling and talkback, even if formally not a teen yet, it’s time to get this trusted manual out of the shelves!
Latta is seriously funny and one could be fooled into dismissing his humorous advice, but remember, the author is a psychologist family therapist who has worked extensively with teenagers for over twenty years, has experience in dealing with all sorts of problems young people get into: parent disrespect and verbal abuse, bullying, alcohol, petty crime, vandalism, teen pregnancy, eating disorders, self-harming, drugs, you name it, he has dealt with it, Nigel really knows his stuff.
We all know, every kid is different; every parent’s situation is unique. So instead of providing a psychology textbook with ready-made answers, paint-by-numbers solutions, so to speak, Latta offers a framework, concrete guidelines and strategies; by applying his basic principles you are given the tools to implement your simple, customized and practical plan of attack.
What I appreciate most is that Latta’s common sense approach to teen’s behavior, his advice is a breath of fresh air in this stifling politically correct field, he is not afraid to use the ‘P’ word (punishment). We all love our kids, but kids need structure, as a parent we can’t be their friend, parents need to make sure that when the rules are broken, consequences will (consistently) follow. Parents need to make teens accountable for their behavior, it’s not a matter of being mean, it about being fair. Can’t argue with that.
I found some old underlined sections in my copy, and I‘m adding new ones that specifically apply to my current case study, i.e. DS. Importantly, Nigel has different sections for teen boys and girls, because they really are different beasts, you know.
You might have guessed it, I love this book. A brilliant guide for parents of teens which I highly recommended.
Fav. quotes:
The person we are at 3 years of age is essentially who we will be at 30 years of age, just with more manners and bowel control.
Even if they say mean things to you, they want you to be there.
(applies to boys) They feel all, but they usually only show anger. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because he grunts and looks angry that this is all that’s going on. Boys are every bit as sensitive as girls … Boys just don’t make such a big deal about it, even when it is a big deal. Your job is to see past the angry displays to what might be lie beneath.
(applies to girls) Don’t judge a book by its cover. She might be looking more and more like an adult, but that doesn’t mean that she is. … At 16 she might sound convincing, just make sure you don’t let yourself be fully convinced.
Don’t try to fight youth culture. You’ll lose.
Instead, embrace young people’s fundamental right to find their own identity.
May 9, 2016
This is another life-saving parenting book that I re-read constantly. The author does a tremendous job of explaining why your teenage is acting so crazy (it's all in the biology of the growing brain) and what you can do about it. I especially liked his humor and his insight into boys.
He gives the comforting analogy of a group of thoughtless boys driving recklessly and getting into an accident and the men who are calm and competent who arrive to help them. The calm competent men were silly, reckless boys at one time - there is an evolution you just have to hang on while they are progressing.
This is a very nuts and bolts parenting book that is specific about such things as to how to punish and reward your teen if they're out of line, etc. . . I never had to use any of the techniques, thank goodness, but I can see how they work.
He also gives you a philosophical framework to hang on to when you can't remember much else. (Not too loose, not too tight, still breathing = hope, be the rock, full stop not commas, etc. . . )
He gives the comforting analogy of a group of thoughtless boys driving recklessly and getting into an accident and the men who are calm and competent who arrive to help them. The calm competent men were silly, reckless boys at one time - there is an evolution you just have to hang on while they are progressing.
This is a very nuts and bolts parenting book that is specific about such things as to how to punish and reward your teen if they're out of line, etc. . . I never had to use any of the techniques, thank goodness, but I can see how they work.
He also gives you a philosophical framework to hang on to when you can't remember much else. (Not too loose, not too tight, still breathing = hope, be the rock, full stop not commas, etc. . . )
January 22, 2021
«Пока ваш подросток не свел вас с ума» — продолжение полезной книги «Прежде чем ваш ребенок сведет вас с ума» психолога Найджела Латты. Первая про детей 3-10 лет, эта про подростков.
Понравилось: десяток рабочих приёмов, применимых, если что-то в отношениях с подростком пошло не так. Разбор проблемных ситуаций и методов для их исправления. Если вы выращиваете на дому подростков, с книгой стоит ознакомиться. Читая реальные истории из докторского опыта автора, у меня волосы шевелились от поступков некоторых детишечек, хотелось придушить их прямо через книгу. Но доктор молодец, спокойно разруливал и дело шло на лад. Правда я и сам, будучи подростком, отжигал изрядно, спасибо родителям за терпение.
Не понравилось: в первой половине книги автор на каждой странице, в каждом абзаце «заигрывает» с читателем как со слабоумным. Хихи-хаха, лирические отступления, дурацкие сравнения, странный юморок. Это как с пряностями или солью в блюде: чуть-чуть — нормально, переборщил, и есть уже невозможно. Латта переборщил.
Понравилось: десяток рабочих приёмов, применимых, если что-то в отношениях с подростком пошло не так. Разбор проблемных ситуаций и методов для их исправления. Если вы выращиваете на дому подростков, с книгой стоит ознакомиться. Читая реальные истории из докторского опыта автора, у меня волосы шевелились от поступков некоторых детишечек, хотелось придушить их прямо через книгу. Но доктор молодец, спокойно разруливал и дело шло на лад. Правда я и сам, будучи подростком, отжигал изрядно, спасибо родителям за терпение.
Не понравилось: в первой половине книги автор на каждой странице, в каждом абзаце «заигрывает» с читателем как со слабоумным. Хихи-хаха, лирические отступления, дурацкие сравнения, странный юморок. Это как с пряностями или солью в блюде: чуть-чуть — нормально, переборщил, и есть уже невозможно. Латта переборщил.
October 18, 2011
REQUIRED READING FOR ALL PARENTS AND FRIENDS OF PARENTS AND FAMILIES OF PARENTS OF TEENAGERS.
Would also be great reading as possible contraception method before anyone ever thinks of getting into bed together.
An exceptional book by an exceptionally brilliant clinical psychologist.
I've had a Skype consult with him and he was brilliant.
If you read no other books on teenage psychology/ help with your teenager, BUY this. Buy others to lend. Keep yours.
Nigel also wrote a book for parents of younger children.
No date for "date read" as it's in constant use. has been for years.
Would also be great reading as possible contraception method before anyone ever thinks of getting into bed together.
An exceptional book by an exceptionally brilliant clinical psychologist.
I've had a Skype consult with him and he was brilliant.
If you read no other books on teenage psychology/ help with your teenager, BUY this. Buy others to lend. Keep yours.
Nigel also wrote a book for parents of younger children.
No date for "date read" as it's in constant use. has been for years.
August 3, 2016
Книга в духе "вам кажется, что ваш ребёнок псих - так это правда!".
Из хорошего: небольшое введение в физиологию подростков, объясняющее, почему же они такие неуправляемые и дурные. И юмор.
Из плохого: то же самое, что и во всех других книгах для родителей о принятии, границах, активном слушании и т.д. То есть, это, конечно, полезно и хорошо, но если читали подобные книги, то уже не интересно.
Из хорошего: небольшое введение в физиологию подростков, объясняющее, почему же они такие неуправляемые и дурные. И юмор.
Из плохого: то же самое, что и во всех других книгах для родителей о принятии, границах, активном слушании и т.д. То есть, это, конечно, полезно и хорошо, но если читали подобные книги, то уже не интересно.
July 7, 2016
К концу становится нудновато от проговариваемых каждый раз принципов, которые автор рекомендует применять при воспитании подростков, но в целом понравилось. Чувствую себя чуть более готовым ко входу своих детей в подростковый период (старший вот-вот уже скоро).
October 10, 2023
I find it absolutely impossible to read. The way the author shares the information makes me gag - I feel myself a stupid little girl knowing zero about human psychology. Though I have a degree in psychology too. Also, it's really out-of-date. The whole part about punishment? Absolutely idiotic examples of monkeys and leopards? Jeez, seriously.
Yes, behind those examples is really some truth and facts, but - I repeat myself - the way the author talks about it, the words he uses - I couldn't take it anymore, and dropped at about half of the book.
Yes, behind those examples is really some truth and facts, but - I repeat myself - the way the author talks about it, the words he uses - I couldn't take it anymore, and dropped at about half of the book.
October 22, 2018
Good book with practical and sensible insights.
December 26, 2021
Excellent book. I hope I am ready for when they reach that age
April 26, 2013
Great advise from a very funny man who clearly knows his stuff. Gave me some new strategies to try an insight into my teens thinking and a new way of thinking about a whole bunch of things. Look out teens!
March 20, 2020
Как и в первый раз с Латтой — прекрасно.
Крааайне полезная и информативная книга по психологии (не только подростков).
-1 звезда за очень скомканное начало, но потом темп восстанавливается.
Можно читать отдельно от первой книги, но конечно еще лучше последовательно.
А Влад черт.
Крааайне полезная и информативная книга по психологии (не только подростков).
-1 звезда за очень скомканное начало, но потом темп восстанавливается.
Можно читать отдельно от первой книги, но конечно еще лучше последовательно.
А Влад черт.
September 8, 2010
Friggin fantastic!
Read
August 6, 2011What a wonderful book, so good to understand more about the adolescent brain and how it works. I laughed out loud all the way through it.
February 24, 2015
Excellent. Very practical and entertaining. I think I'll buy my own copy.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews