The Wisdom of Each Other

Growing Deeper

by Eugene H. Peterson

An illuminating example of friendship as a vital way God answers our need for guidance, encouragement, affirmation, and correction.

Most of the time, what we need to help us through the struggles in our lives is not the advice of an expert but the wisdom of a friend. Through this series of eloquent letters written to a life-long friend, author Eugene Peterson demonstrates friendship as a means to Christian maturity.

The topics covered in this warm and highly personal correspondence are broad and varied, but one thing comes through with constancy and clarity: there is great value in a wise, experienced friend to help us see more clearly and to strengthen our growth in faith and godliness.

Genres: Christian, Spirituality, Discipleship, Christian Living, Theology, Relationships, Faith

112 pages, Paperback

First published December 23, 1997

About the author

Eugene H. Peterson was a pastor, scholar, author, and poet. For many years he was James M. Houston Professor of Spiritual Theology at Regent College in Vancouver, British Columbia. He also served as founding pastor of Christ Our King Presbyterian Church in Bel Air, Maryland. He had written over thirty books, including Gold Medallion Book Award winner The Message: The Bible in Contemporary Language a contemporary translation of the Bible. After retiring from full-time teaching, Eugene and his wife Jan lived in the Big Sky Country of rural Montana. He died in October 2018.

Reviews

[Colin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a gem. I listened to the audiobook, which works well with the structure of the book as a series of letters from Eugene to a fictional friend, Gunnar. Based on many of Eugene‘s actual pastoral letters, it is a book rich with wisdom, reflection, humour, encouragement and insight.

Gunnar is an old friend of the author whose Christian experience ended after he and Eugene parted company following their college graduation. Returning to the Lord, Gunnar writes to Eugene after losing contact for 40 years later. The book contains Eugene’s series of letters responding to Gunnar’s journey, his spiritual experience, his church involvement and reflects on their correspondence and shared relationship.

As you might expect, Peterson crafts a warm, disarming, insightful collection of thoughts about Christian relationships, ministry, church, work, prayer, theology and community. I got the sense this is just what Eugene might have written to “real” people contending with the matters raised by Gunnar. It never feels forced, has a pinch of the playful yet maintains the gravity of the life of shared discipleship.

The letter about “full time ministry” - gold! Likewise the one on prayer. Reflections on religious machinery are so good - he writes as a career pastor, yet views programs and systems with suspicion.

As I read, I found myself drawn back to the important and the profound - yet not wanting to torch my local church. Seeing our weakness, frustrations, others’ expectations and shortcomings through the lens of following Jesus, finding grace, sharing the journey… I’m really not doing a great job explaining this book..!

(Peterson can be like that, I think! The Message gets dismissed among conservative evangelicals like me as a lightweight liberty-taking paraphrase of scripture, yet I almost always find it brings fresh insight and brings something of the spirit, the feel, even the smell of the word to light.)

The Wisdom of Each Other is only a short book. Go read it - or listen on Spotify! Eugene’s letters will give you much to linger on and ponder and enjoy. So refreshing. Loved it.

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5. But I liked it enough to round up to 5 stars for Goodreads.

Great, short little book that you could easily breeze through. The person who recommended this book to me said:
“It will give you a wonderful picture of discipleship, growth, and formation. My suggestion is to read it very slowly and chew on it rather than gulping it down at once.”

Peterson presents wide-ranging advice on the Christian life. In short, 1-3 page “letters to Gunnar,” a composite Peterson created out of encounters with men and women over the years, Peterson seeks to showcase, teach, and motivate “lived life.” “For spirituality has to do with life, lived life.” (10)
Some “letters” are better than others, but taken as a whole, it’s a refreshing read.

“Every call to worship is a call into the Real World.
You'd think by this time in my life I wouldn't need to be called any more. But I do. I encounter such constant and widespread lying about reality each day and meet with such skilled and systematic distortion of the truth that I'm always in danger of losing my grip on reality. The reality, of course, is that God is sovereign and Christ is savior. The reality is that prayer is my mother tongue and the Eucharist my basic food. The reality is that baptism, not Myers-Briggs, defines who I am. The reality is, as Leon Bloy so poignantly put it, that "the only sadness is not to be a saint." (110)

[Daniel Harding · Rating 5 out of 5]

Peterson writes from the position which he attempted to hold for so many years and the position that I also seek to hold, that of a pastor. That someone willing to walk alongside and to share in the struggles and realities of life while embracing God as constantly present and constantly able. It is a trickier, narrower path than I had ever presumed it would be. I am thankful for this encouragement.

[Eli Wooten · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the finest books I’ve ever read; there is wisdom upon wisdom tucked into every page of these letters. It provides constant reminder of where the Gospel lives and works, where our eyes are to fall, how our lives are shaped around Jesus, and how sometimes, the purest bits of God shine through the quite ordinary meagerness of normal people.

“Let me tell you something. We are a community of saints and martyrs — and the martyrs are the ones who have to live with the saints!”

[Joe Colley · Rating 5 out of 5]

To use Eugene’s words there is nothing novel in this book nor is it a book about spirituality, rather these short letters “are simply accounts of what we do to stay awake to the Coming.”

[Alex Betts · Rating 4 out of 5]

Your move, asa

[Alyssa Kleinhans · Rating 5 out of 5]

This short little book packs a powerful punch! Written in the format of letters to a fictitious churchgoer, each short letter is crammed with nuggets of wisdom that encapsulates Eugene’s theology of ministry and the Christian life. It will be best enjoyed when read slowly and savoringly.

[Carmen Imes · Rating 2 out of 5]

In the past I've enjoyed books by Eugene Peterson. This one felt different -- more judgmental and opinionated, less gentle and exploratory. It had an "edge" to it all the way through. Still, there were nuggets of wisdom throughout. I'm not sorry I read it, but it was not my favorite.

[Jason Kanz · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Wisdom of Each Other: A Conversation Between Spiritual Friends (1998) by Eugene Peterson is a unique, though beneficial, book. It is unique because it contains a series of letters addressed to Gunnar Thorkildsson, whom Peterson described as "not an actual person with an existence documented by birth certificate and social security number", though Peterson insists that the details were grounded in actual encounters he had over the years.

In each of the several dozen letters Peterson penned, he responded to some actual circumstance of Gunnar's life--return to the faith, the poor quality of too much Christian literature, church politics, and the tranquility of canoeing. The unifying theme, as far as I am concerned, is a spirituality that does not exist above everyday life but rather enters into it and moves around in it. Peterson wisely showed us that. Although not my favorite book by Peterson, it is a welcome addition to my collection.

[Joel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This little book is a great introduction to Eugene Peterson. The book is basically Peterson writing letters to a recently converted friend (Gunnar). It is scarcely over 100 pages but filled with Peterson's insight and perspective on the Christian life. Find an inexpensive copy and read it in one sitting.

[Brandon H. · Rating 4 out of 5]

"A lot of the Christian life develops underground when we aren't looking."- E.P.

A short book filled with pastoral advice in the form of letters written to a fictitious, later in life convert to Christianity.

The book is full of sage advice and insights throughout. Classic Peterson. I didn't agree with the author's perspective on everything, thus, the less than 5-star rating, but there were a lot of helpful things to mull over.

Here's an example -

"I remember once as a seminarian and I had become completely captivated by a theologian who seemed to me to embody everything that theologian should be. He knew everything, had thought through everything, was conversant with all the ins and outs of the 'present evil age,' and was able to resay the Christian faith in ways that were both profoundly true and immediately understandable - and in a German accent no less! And then I found out that he was a compulsive philanderer and a dabbler in pornography. I stormed into the office of my professor and striking a tragic pose, I said, 'I'm totally disillusioned!' He slapped his hand on his desk and said, 'Good! Who wants to go around stuck with a bunch of illusions? Jesus is not going to dissolution you.'

"Initially, I was put off by his lack of sympathy but since then have appreciated his wisdom. He was right! We are in a fight for truth and God and reality. Illusions are dangerous in this business. We need to know the human heart and the surrounding culture as they are - deceitfully wicked and infested with prowling lions.

"The Christian life is not romantic and it certainly doesn't assume the best in everyone, particularly preachers. In some ways, we assume the worst but without despair for it is because of this worst that we are in the salvation business, not out selling religious cosmetics."

[Byron Fike · Rating 5 out of 5]

A delightful little book of short letters Pastor Peterson wrote to his fictitious (and yet totally real) friend Gunnar. Gunnar has come back to the Lord and to church after a 40 years absence and Peterson coaches him through the process. I love the bits of wisdom scattered through the letters and could make instant application to my own journey of faith and struggle with the church. This was the perfect book to read in the morning as I was beginning my day. Read a letter or two and then be on my way. Having finished this morning, I wish there were more.

[Madison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed aloud many times as I read through these letters on a day off in my beloved university library. My favorite entry comes when Peterson rants about pastors who condescendingly push their own ministry onto 'laypeople,' creating a sickly spiritual-secular divide that disrespects the vocations of others. As someone discerning 'pastor' as part of my vocation, this is what gets my heart beating a little quicker. All the earth is holy ground.

[MS · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short book by Peterson written in the format of letters to a friend. The friend is fictional but based on Peterson's real conversations. It's the type of book where you read a page or two with your morning coffee and then come back to it when you have a quiet moment. There are some great little insights and quotable moments. I enjoyed Peterson's critiques of evangelical culture including self help books and the Christian conference world.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a timely read! Eugene Peterson feels like a friend I turn to when my heart is in need of the deepest kind of encouragement, the kind of encouragement that comes with both depth and compassion, humility and wisdom. Receiving these gifts in the format of letters between friends was a format of writing I did not expect and was delighted in. These letters feel like A Long Obedience in the Same Direction with boots on, wisdom walking its way into your daily life with Jesus.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

A solid and practical book of pastoral wisdom through the powerful and unique medium of personal letters. Eugene Peterson isn’t hesitant to comment upon or criticize common practices within church culture and Christian living. The book is a refreshing voice of truth and was a delightful quick read.

[Missyjohnson1 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this "down-to-earth" practical epistolary book. used it as a discussion opportunity with friends and it worked nicely. Looking forward to using again with other group opportunities.

[Sam Luce · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Eugene Peterson this short pithy book was no different than all his other work. Pastoral, church loving and God exalting. It did make regret I read him so late in his life and that I never wrote him a letter while he was alive.

[Andy Gore · Rating 5 out of 5]

The usual Peterson mix of the thought provoking and heart inspiring. I love the format too with its bite size portions but then you realise that you always bite off more than you can chew in one go!!

[Jenny Dawkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I so appreciate Peterson as a pastor - he comes across as wise, humane, exceptionally patient, and head-over-heels for Christ. He also has a good sense of the absurd and a streak of grumpiness that I quite enjoy.

[Sarah Flannery · Rating 4 out of 5]

Style of Screwtape Letters, except a faithful mentor writing to a new believer. As a pastor, loved his approach to finding and appreciating a church.

[Daniel Warriner · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great short book of letters back and forth between spiritual friends.

[Andrea Utreras · Rating 5 out of 5]

Subversive. Profound. So much grace. An ally into the real world.

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn’t sure what to expect from this tiny little book, but there is a lot of weight and wisdom within these pages. I throughly enjoyed it and hope to return to it.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just LOVE Eugene Peterson. This isn't really about friendship, it's just a book about life, but I particularly like the way he gave advice about the Church in this one.

[Glen Grunau · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a special treat to sit down with Eugene Peterson and listen in on his letters written to a friend. I appreciated the value he places on letter writing, as an almost lost art but as offering a unique opportunity for spiritual friends to speak into one another's lives. I was reminded of my gratitude for the the occasional opportunities I have to correspond through letter with family and friends.

I appreciated Eugene's advice to his friend who had just returned to the church from a long absence . . . as I am presently struggling with considerable dissatisfaction with my own church and attempting to discern if a change may be indicated. Two of his letters on this topic struck a chord with me.

1) So, your friends are trying to turn you into a religious consumer, are they, inviting you to their wonderful churches where so much exciting stuff is going on? I would resist it. You're better off sticking with what you started out with at your Christian reentry - the "smallest and nearest church". It's still my standard counsel in churchgoing. Of course, I admit exceptions, but not for the reasons your friends are setting out . . . Where did all this frenzy in looking for a good church get started, anyway ? . . . This church-shopping mentality, where we expect to find a flavor to suit every taste, is spiritually destructive. I don't see any good coming out of church worship that caters to our taste and worship."

2) Do you have any idea how much delight it gives me when you write about your church? After all these years of absence, you return to Christ and immediately head for the closest congregation of Christians - that obscure, little band of Lutherans on the edge of town - and simply make yourself at home among them. And not only settling in but relishing their company . . . The Christian congregation is the whipping boy of our culture these days. Not so much of the secular culture - they mostly ignore churches. But of Christians themselves. . . pastors are the worst. Some of the most dismaying conversations I have are in gatherings of pastors, most of whom either bitch or brag about their churches, depending on whether they are flourishing or languishing as religious businesses. And then the people pick up the evaluations and attitudes and continue to pass them around . . . By this time you're fed up with the world of glamour and prestige and achievement, having realized it is mostly illusion. And so when you enter the congregation, having discovered that faith has to do first of all with invisibles, you are ready to see all that rich and burgeoning invisibility in that unpretentious gaggle Norwegians that come together on Sunday mornings, a little stiff, still, in their rectitude and decidedly awkward in their worship. Anyway, you cheer my heart as you give witness to the work and presence of the Holy Spirit among the very people in Moorhead were journalists (and on-the-make pastors?) would never think to look for it.

Rather tired of what strikes me as the "glamour and prestige and achievement" of my own church that is based in so much illusion (although I may not be the most objective judge of this), I wonder about the wisdom of following Eugene's counsel to look for the smallest and nearest church (although I am aware that I also may be guilty of merely trying to satisfy my own tastes in worship when I might be better off accepting the imperfections in the church that has been my home for so many years). In our neighbourhood, the smallest and nearest church happens to be a rather strange charismatic Pentecostal church. But the next closest church is a "small band of Lutherans" where their liturgical worship might be a welcome change from what in our church seems characteristic of many mainstream evangelical churches intent on so much hype, noise, and entertainment.

Thanks Eugene for adding to my ongoing journey of church discernment.

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

August 2013 - Just reread this on a Sunday afternoon. So good and helpful, I think I will make this a regular habit.

Just read this book far too quickly (could not slow myself down), will sit down and read it again, because it is both simple and incredibly wise. In the guise of letters to an old friend returned to the faith he abandoned as a young man, Peterson models spiritual conversation and bestows the deepest sort of understanding of Christian living in our modern world and the modern American church. My only complaint is that everything was too brief. Peterson focuses on prayer and spiritual friendship, he dismisses the fads and fashions of the "spiritual" life and its expertise, he commends the small church, the pastoral theologian (Calvin especially), rituals over schedules, and the possibility of deep relationship. The thin pages of this book are thick with wisdom, good humor, and the hopefulness of faith.

"Regret is the most useless of all the religious emotions and nearly the opposite of repentance, with which it is often confused."

"There are miracles aplenty in life, but most Christian miracles (not all) don't take the form of interventions but are hidden in circumstances of fear and betrayal and disillusion, kids who don't behave and friends who disappoint. Mangers and crosses. And all the time a life, a Christ-life, is being formed that is fully human."

"The faithful, daily return to childlike receiving and obeying, neither of which we initiate, is the Christian life."

[Adam Shields · Rating 2 out of 5]

Short review: I intentionally read this with CS Lewis' Letters to Malcolm because I thought they would complement one another. But I was wrong. Letters to Malcolm showed a personal, intimate side of Lewis and was great at giving us Lewis developing thoughts and working out ideas. Peterson is writing composite letters to a composite character. These were flat and a but curmudgeonly. There are nuggets of good stuff here, but all of it is better in fuller treatments in his other books. I am a fan of Peterson and this is the first book of his I really didn't like. But I didn't and think you should skip this and read Letters to Malcolm instead

My full review on my blog at http://bookwi.se/friends/

[Eric · Rating 3 out of 5]

A delightful little book by Eugene Peterson (of "The Message" fame), The Wisdom of Each Other is set up as a series of letters to Gunner - a longtime friend, but who has recently sought to reconnect with Peterson and the spiritual life of the church. One needs to discern what Peterson's letters are in response to; but he does a nice job of helping the reader find out. Some of the observations connected with me, some did not. A couple were actually quite profound and insightful IMHO. Easily a book that could be read in one evening sitting next to your fireplace, I would commend this book for reflection and meditation about life within the community of faith and the challenges of living as a follower of Jesus in the 21st century world.

[Curtis Lillie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this book with my wife a few letters at a time. Through his books, Peterson has been an important guide for me in life, in faith, and in exploring my pastoral vocation. This book succinctly summed up in an entirely different format, much of the guidance I have gleaned from Peterson over the years. While I enjoyed getting to "know" the single recipient of the letters through the letters from "Eugene," I think I was expecting more voices or at least the other side of the dialogue.

This was my wife's first read of Peterson. She resonated deeply with many of the letters and began to ask what else she might read by him.