Finding Me

by Darnella Ford

Two beautiful young sisters suffer the death of their father and learn a few things about passion, betrayal and love.

Genres: Contemporary

280 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2009

About the author

Darnella Ford is a bestselling author known for her ability to craft raw and compelling narratives. She gained recognition as the Best New Voice of 2003 and has written five bestselling novels, including Finding Me, which was nominated for the 2010 Stonewall Literary Award.
In 2006, her life took a transformative turn when she began an intensive three-year study in Quantum Physics, Neuroscience, and Neurobiology under leading physicists. Inspired by these studies and her personal journey, she launched Journey to Worthy in 2008—an initiative aimed at expanding self-awareness and promoting self-worth. Rooted in the principles of quantum science, the program reaches diverse audiences, from inner-city communities and prisons to corporate settings, advocating the message: You are worthy!
A key component of the initiative is Beautiful, a program designed to help teenage girls explore self-esteem and authentic beauty. Ford’s vision is to make the understanding of self-worth as culturally ingrained as modern technology and social media. Dedicated to empowering individuals, she continues her work in pursuit of truth and the realization of human potential.

Reviews

[Scott · Rating 1 out of 5]

Took me a bit to figure out the word that describes this story for me.

Hypocrite.

Not LGBT friendly at all.


At the beginning of the story, we are presented with a young girl that was very likeable. Full of energy.

As a teenager, knew she was a lesbian.

As a young adult, was a lesbian even the social problems of being 'out'.

But then started succumbing to the pressures of straight society. Slept with a guy because she felt she 'owed' him, but didn't really enjoy the sex, just went through it.

By the end, had a kid, married the guy, and became the picture perfect rich housewife in the suburbs.

WTF

[June · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first novel I have ever read that delved this deeply into a same sex relationship. While I cannot say that I completely understand this, what I do know is that I am in no position to judge,so I don't...

I found this story very thought provoking and enlightening... After all, we're only human, wanting to love and be loved unconditionally...

While I do agree somewhat with others that have reviewed this book, that in the beginning, Blaze definitely seemed more likable as a child. But isn't that how it is in real life where we laugh at and find likable the bad or rude behavior of children until it comes back to slap us in the face... Her witty and outspoken tongue that was so cute and funny as a young girl was no longer as charming as young adult.I really didn't think her attitude really differed too much from that of her youth.We just saw it differently... She was always a smart Alick kid who had an underline resentment/bitterness toward her parents and sometimes even her sister. In spite of her free spirit persona she could also be very selfish and judgmental causing her to lash out without giving pause to her hurtful words... With that being said I thought the author kept Blaze's character true to form, making her feel authentic... which made this a very enjoyable read...

[Cara · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book begins as the story of an cheeky 11-year-old girl who tells it like it is. That covers about the first half--very witty, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. But as the girl grows up, she becomes less likable. As a kid, she was opinionated and full of strong convictions--that's about all she had. But school and growing up seem to dilute those qualities and take away her spark. She becomes passive, makes bad decisions, some fairly nauseating stuff happens, the book ends suddenly. A big eh, very disappointing after such a great beginning.

[Ashunta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really really enjoyed this book. It made me think about what it means to be in love and whether people have a tendency to settle for less or are they just blinded by greed and lust into thinking they need more than what they already have in front of their face.

[Tracey · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had so much going for it and then it completely ruined its own momentum in the last few chapters. It went from a coming of age story to being faking deaths and getting married to people they don't love. I wanted much more than this novel left me with.

Blaze has to come to turns with a family tragedy that leaves her without a home and with her twin badly burned. She finds herself in the care of Felicity Hardaway, a free spirit neighbor who opens Blaze's eyes to a new way of life. Watching Blaze grow up was interesting but her story arc lost me once she became an adult. But I was still intrigued and willing to see it through.

And then the last few chapters completely undid the character development. I hated all of it. I'd rather forget it happened at all, like it was a bad dream.

[Agent Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started off really liking this book. It was funny and sad in all the right places. It was heartbreaking to see the relationship between the twins dissolve after the accident. I really loved Blaze's character as a child, but the adult Blaze in the novel was another character all together, one I did not particularly care for. I understand that her experiences and relationship w/her mother and sister changed and those in turn shaped the character she became, but she was bitter and unemotional. Her pleas to Miss. Felicity to be true to yourself turned out to be a bit hypocritical on her part at the end of the book. Blaze claims to be so fundamentally lesbian, yet she never really experiences any true independence. After her time at boarding school she goes back to stay with Miss. Felicity, and then with Nate. Blaze was never once independent, making her own way in the world as this big bad proud lesbian she claimed to be. She was scared to live her life w/out Miss. Felicity so she settled for the first person who would take care of her even tho she did not want to be with Nate-she compromised who she thought she was because she was scared to live her life out in the open. In the end, for all the criticizing Blaze did about her mother marrying Mr. Willow, Blaze turned out to be just like her mother when she married Nate.

[Nicole Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book a great deal. From the beginning it keep me wanted to know what would happen next. The only thing I disliked was it did get a little raunchy at times, and I felt like a little kid that needed to cover there eyes during certain scenes on tv. But other than that the story keep me hooked. I read it in 2 days. I did predict the ending, and some other parts here and there, but that's just a gift and a curse I happen to have when watching movies or reading books...when I am wrong, then THAT'S a good book! This is a must read in my opinion. Has some real life examples of things women (black women) go through.

[Sarah · Rating 1 out of 5]

The first page grabbed me but it was all downhill from there. Although early on I liked main character Blaze's feistiness she quickly turned to bitter bitch. I do not care for graphic love scenes and this books many,multiple overly descriptive lesbian love interludes did nothing to alter my opinion. Additionally, it seems as though NOTHING good ever happens. I'm not one for unrealistic Pollyanna tales but this was way too depressing. The ending seemed rather abrupt and contrived.

[Mary Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had a good beginning relating the story of Blaze and her identical twin sister. After a tragic fire, their lives change. Blaze was an outspoken, funny and likeable to a point eleven year old. She grows into a character that I did not like or respect.

[Helen Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an interesting, coming of age story told through the eyes of an eleven year old. Blaze James and her twin sister Aerial are inseparable until the night of a gas explosion at their home in Shreveport, Louisiana that will change their lives forever. The explosion will leave Aerial badly burned.

Their mother will take Aerial to Baton Rouge for treatment, leaving Blaze behind with a neighbor. Felicity Hardaway is free spirited and unconventional and will open Blaze's eyes to new things that will change her perspective on things that her family and the people of Shreveport will take issues with.

[Yvonne Atherley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting

I don't usually review books, just star them and keep it moving. This is not my usual pick of books, but the writer held my intrest due to the main character and the emotional rollercoaster of emotions contained within the story. I loved the book and I loved how she kept you thinking you know how the story would end and then flipped the script. Well worth the read.

[Vanity Crowe · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful love story! I went into this book blindly, not knowing what I was going to be reading. I'm so glad that I did. This book was so raw, so deep, so heavy, but such a beautiful LGBT love story. I cried my eyes out several times though the course of reading this book. I would recommend this book to anyone with an open mind, but especially to my lesbian sister's who had trouble finding them.

[Erica L · Rating 4 out of 5]

Darnella Ford has such a wonderfully poetic and exciting writing style. This book was another page turner and kept me guessing from beginning to end. I must find more from this author,,,NOW!

[treehugger · Rating 3 out of 5]

Strike #1 - This book is about an African American girl, her family, her struggles, her African American girlfriends. Who is depicted on the cover? A Caucasian girl in a white dress and flipflops.

Strike #2 - the first half of the book was really great, and I LOVED hearing from the pre-teen Blaze. The end of the book was pretty terrible though - depressing and saturated with overstated grief.

Strike #3 - MANY of the main characters of the African American persuasian were considered beautiful mainly because of their light cocoa-colored skin and green or blue eyes. Really??? It's not bad enough that a white girl is on the cover, but the black people in the novel are best looking when clearly of mixed racial descent?

Strike #4 - Nate was completely unbelievable as a male character in his mid-twenties.

Strike #5 - the scene in the restroom at the end of the novel made me want to puke. REALLY?!?! REAllY, that's all you can say after destroying someone's life? Messed. Up.

So, the racial stuff is heavyhanded (including all those mentioned above as well as the fact that the black family goes to work for and live in the maids' quarters of the rich white man's house), the relationship in the end was pathetic, but the growing up part (the first half of the book) is great!

I liked the descriptions of what it feels like to figure out that you're a lesbian. I liked that Blaze was comfortable with that, even in spite of her family's lack of acceptance. Felicity's inability to accept herself was sad but likely true to some extent for many lesbians. Shreveport's response to their discovery was WAY exaggerated!! I can't imagine that happening anywhere but the smallest towns in the South these days. The distancing of identical twins felt hollow and unreal to me....

Overall a surprising book from beginning to end...from the cover to the last page. Not at all what I expected, but an enjoyable beach read, despite it's many flaws.

[Faith Reidenbach · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nearly all the women of color in this novel are unusually beautiful, while all the white people are criticized for being fat and are negatively drawn. The main character's choices in the end don't jibe with what's gone before, and the author beats us over the head with the conclusion we're supposed to draw.

I'm giving this three stars instead of two for the parts of the book that are narrated by a precocious pre/teenager, who is not insulting or preachy, and for the delightful Miss Felicity Hardwater.

[Rena · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really, really, really wanted to give Funding Me a better rating, more like 4 stars, mostly because of its heroine, Blaze LeDoux James. She's feisty, fearless and fundamentally lesbian. She claims as much throughout the entire book, but at the novel's close, I was left with an ending that didn't compute. I won't give it away, but I was heartbroken and confused by Blaze. What was I supposed to ultimately believe about Blaze and her lover, Miss Felicity, after all? For those reasons, I had to give Finding Me a rating of 3.5. With all that said, there needs to be a sequel.

[Tina · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of people had a problem with the end of this book, but I think that it really showed the effects of losing love. Blaze never felt as if she was loved by her parents so when her twin was hurt and her mom turned away from her she put those feeling on to Felicity. As she grew and was exposed to different things she became confused about what love was. So she grabbed what she new and didn't let go until forced to. I think that's why at the end she stop looking at the physical and focused on the actual genuine love she had at home.

[Krista Joy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book will make you enter the world rarely ventured of homosexuality.
You definitely have to have an open mind to read the book. Darnella Ford takes us into this world using the 11 year old girl,Blaze James who is sent to live with her lesbian neighbor, Ms Felicity as her mother, Aaliyah James tends to her identical twin, Ariel James, whom tragedy happens to through a gas explosion making their house burn to flames and killing their father, Rufus James.

[Cherry · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had a lot of petential when it started. It was at times touching, at times raw, and at times downright crude. In sshort, it matched the character of Blaze...but when the end of the book rolled around, it felt like something was missing. I, personally felt that it was only half done. I might read it again...but only to enjoy the potential of the story, not for the story itself.

[Dalesha R · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was all wrong about the book is started off pretty good… I thought it was going to be about both twins eventually even though in the summary it says that one gets hurt.
There were way too many sex scenes… And all of them had to do with two women…
The ending was abruptly short… This should be a sequel… Because it did not wrap up very well in my opinion

[Coco Nelson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book had so many good passages about life and finding who you are. Blaze was smart, sassy, confident and also coming of age insecurities. Yet, when it came to her understanding of her mother, father and family issues she is the wisest person in the family. There is never a dull moment in this book. That is why I rated it a five.

[Ronni · Rating 3 out of 5]

Beginning grabbed me lock, stock and barrel. However, i'm not into the detailed love scenes, but frankly those were the most "exciting" parts. Blaze's early narrative during her preteen years were really good and realistic. The ending was very disappointing.

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

What a haunting book! Wow, I do believe this one might stay with me for a while, which is why I'm giving it an extra star to make it a 3. I must say that I did read this book quickly, as I really wanted to see what would happen next...

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just wasn't in the mood for this in the end. I didn't even get to the lesbian part, although she does call lesbians "lady lickers" which I may adopt.

[Sofia · Rating 2 out of 5]

not my kind of book, it got kinda gross.

[Jenn · Rating 3 out of 5]

it has a good start; not sure what to say though about the ending.

[Nicole Sb · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was not what I thought it would be based on the back cover. However, it was engaging.