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Ponyboy
An evocative debut novel of trans-masculinity, addiction, and the pain and joy of becoming.
In the first of three acts, Ponyboy’s titular narrator—a pill-popping, speed-snorting trans-masculine lightning bolt—unravels in his Paris apartment. Ponyboy is caught in a messy love triangle with Baby, a lesbian painter who can’t see herself being with someone trans, and Toni, a childhood friend who can actually see Ponyboy for who he is. Strung out, Ponyboy follows Baby to Berlin in act two, where he sinks deeper into drugs and falls for Hart, a fellow writer, all the while pursued by a megalomaniacal photographer hungry for the next hot thing. As Ponyboy’s relationships crumble, he overdoses and find himself alone in his childhood home in Nebraska. The novel’s final act follows Ponyboy to rehab, exploring the ways in which trans identity, addiction, and recovery reforge the bond between mother and child. Eliot Duncan reveals, in precise atmospheric prose reminiscent of Anne Carson and Allen Ginsberg, the innate splendor, joy, and ache of becoming oneself.
In the first of three acts, Ponyboy’s titular narrator—a pill-popping, speed-snorting trans-masculine lightning bolt—unravels in his Paris apartment. Ponyboy is caught in a messy love triangle with Baby, a lesbian painter who can’t see herself being with someone trans, and Toni, a childhood friend who can actually see Ponyboy for who he is. Strung out, Ponyboy follows Baby to Berlin in act two, where he sinks deeper into drugs and falls for Hart, a fellow writer, all the while pursued by a megalomaniacal photographer hungry for the next hot thing. As Ponyboy’s relationships crumble, he overdoses and find himself alone in his childhood home in Nebraska. The novel’s final act follows Ponyboy to rehab, exploring the ways in which trans identity, addiction, and recovery reforge the bond between mother and child. Eliot Duncan reveals, in precise atmospheric prose reminiscent of Anne Carson and Allen Ginsberg, the innate splendor, joy, and ache of becoming oneself.
240 pages, Paperback
First published June 13, 2023
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February 24, 2023
Now Miraculously Nominated for the National Book Award 2023
In this apparently autofictional debut, our protagonist is a trans man nicknamed Ponyboy struggling to come to terms with his identity - and surprisingly, the description provided by the publisher tells you the whole plot: Three acts, first one in Paris where (originally Midwestern) Ponyboy lives with his girlfriend, painter Baby, and takes copious amounts of drugs with gallons of alcohol; then we have Ponyboy and Baby in Berlin until he collapses; then rehab and finding a new name. What could be a captivating journey illuminating the struggles of a trans man frequently gets lost in clumsy, pretentious language.
But more than anything, this is a book about addiction, and granted, the passages describing the urge to self-destruct if only the world can be kept at bay with chemicals and alcohol are often extremely well rendered: The best (and also most horrendous) scene is one that involves giving up on any self-respect and self-protection if only the stream of drugs is secured. It's shocking, and it's artistically well done.
Alas, the relationships between the characters remain enigmatic at best: What's up with Ponyboy's childhood friend Toni? We learn almost nothing about them. The same goes for Baby, the girlfriend: Why exactly is Ponyboy dating her and following her to Berlin, except for their mutual love of drugs? It does not become emotionally plausible. Why exactly did Ponyboy choose Paris as his residence in the first place, and not some other non-American city?
Then, there's the pretentiousness: In the first quarter of the book, we already get conversations with Paul B. Preciado, Kathy Acker and Sigmund Freud's patient Ida Bauer a.k.a. Dora, and these interactions are not exactly well crafted. Much like the poetry the text is interspersed with, they are overdone and do not organically add to the plot. The pretentiousness sometimes extends to the language: "Baby's sexual force was a cascade of trueness that humbled me." No, just no. Add some gratuitous stupidity ("Cis, hetero men were nothing except everything that was wrong with the world.") and you got me facepalming so hard I can barely turn the pages.
And I can't end this review without stressing once more that I am thrilled that people are interested in the beautiful German language, but please, if you don't speak it, don't mindlessly put your google translate results into your novel. So hey, Duncan, tone down the Friedrich Nietzsche quotes (#justiceforcommas), fact-check the necessary German words (public bathrooms for females do of course not have signs that say frau - wrong spelling plus wrong term!), and do not sprinkle in so many fully unneccessary German words, they do not evoke a sense of place, they're just too much (especially if they are spelt incorrectly, like Templehof).
So all in all, this could have been fantastic: The inner and outer journey, the reaction of the outside world, the attempt to keep the world out with chemicals and to become oneself in the world with chemicals, the literary references, the social agenda (e.g., Duncan mentions the rape and murder of trans man Brandon Teena). Unfortunately, the novel does not come together, ideas, pacing and language are uneven and do not coalesce to form a coherent whole.
In this apparently autofictional debut, our protagonist is a trans man nicknamed Ponyboy struggling to come to terms with his identity - and surprisingly, the description provided by the publisher tells you the whole plot: Three acts, first one in Paris where (originally Midwestern) Ponyboy lives with his girlfriend, painter Baby, and takes copious amounts of drugs with gallons of alcohol; then we have Ponyboy and Baby in Berlin until he collapses; then rehab and finding a new name. What could be a captivating journey illuminating the struggles of a trans man frequently gets lost in clumsy, pretentious language.
But more than anything, this is a book about addiction, and granted, the passages describing the urge to self-destruct if only the world can be kept at bay with chemicals and alcohol are often extremely well rendered: The best (and also most horrendous) scene is one that involves giving up on any self-respect and self-protection if only the stream of drugs is secured. It's shocking, and it's artistically well done.
Alas, the relationships between the characters remain enigmatic at best: What's up with Ponyboy's childhood friend Toni? We learn almost nothing about them. The same goes for Baby, the girlfriend: Why exactly is Ponyboy dating her and following her to Berlin, except for their mutual love of drugs? It does not become emotionally plausible. Why exactly did Ponyboy choose Paris as his residence in the first place, and not some other non-American city?
Then, there's the pretentiousness: In the first quarter of the book, we already get conversations with Paul B. Preciado, Kathy Acker and Sigmund Freud's patient Ida Bauer a.k.a. Dora, and these interactions are not exactly well crafted. Much like the poetry the text is interspersed with, they are overdone and do not organically add to the plot. The pretentiousness sometimes extends to the language: "Baby's sexual force was a cascade of trueness that humbled me." No, just no. Add some gratuitous stupidity ("Cis, hetero men were nothing except everything that was wrong with the world.") and you got me facepalming so hard I can barely turn the pages.
And I can't end this review without stressing once more that I am thrilled that people are interested in the beautiful German language, but please, if you don't speak it, don't mindlessly put your google translate results into your novel. So hey, Duncan, tone down the Friedrich Nietzsche quotes (#justiceforcommas), fact-check the necessary German words (public bathrooms for females do of course not have signs that say frau - wrong spelling plus wrong term!), and do not sprinkle in so many fully unneccessary German words, they do not evoke a sense of place, they're just too much (especially if they are spelt incorrectly, like Templehof).
So all in all, this could have been fantastic: The inner and outer journey, the reaction of the outside world, the attempt to keep the world out with chemicals and to become oneself in the world with chemicals, the literary references, the social agenda (e.g., Duncan mentions the rape and murder of trans man Brandon Teena). Unfortunately, the novel does not come together, ideas, pacing and language are uneven and do not coalesce to form a coherent whole.
July 2, 2023
love the trans rep, but too damn pretentious for anything more than three stars.
June 27, 2023
i don't have to explain my ratings to you
read as part of 202-Queer 🌈✨
*buddy read with chrysa ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍*
read as part of 202-Queer 🌈✨
*buddy read with chrysa ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍*
July 21, 2023
Mixed feelings on this one. For context, I’m FtM.
The content was interesting and important. Unfortunately, though, the execution was sloppy. I can absolutely appreciate the experimentation in structure and how distinctly stylized Duncan’s writing is, but at times it felt repetitive just to establish motifs and symbols, which left these things feeling hollow (ex. the fixation on trueness).
There were other concepts touched upon that would have been more effective had they been established more firmly or explored in depth. For example, in the beginning of “negative one,” it appears to be implied that the narrator had some sort of eating disorder history that is touched on then and only then. I understand that that maybe isn’t as important an aspect of the story and the narrator’s identity as, you know, his substance abuse and gender/sexuality, but it just kind of read like an afterthought when it seems like the kind of thing that would play a larger role in the development of his character. I found the meditation on Brandon Teena and Phillip Devine to be overwrought and borderline insensitive at times as well.
I found a lot of the writing that other readers on this page have found unpleasantly pretentious to be enjoyable at times, and there’s definitely some clever, powerful, hard-hitting turns of phrase here and there, but the story kind of disappears up its own ass with all of the flowery prose and liberal arts student pretension (no hate to Duncan, I’m very much guilty of liberal arts student pretension myself). Considering that this is Duncan’s debut, though, I hope that he writes more FtM fiction (especially because there seems to be a drought of FtM fiction for adults) as he continues to grow as a writer. His impressive technical skills are admirable, but his storytelling just doesn’t quite have that edge yet. I did appreciate the references to good music, though.
So I guess I’m still looking for the Great Transmasculine Novel.
The content was interesting and important. Unfortunately, though, the execution was sloppy. I can absolutely appreciate the experimentation in structure and how distinctly stylized Duncan’s writing is, but at times it felt repetitive just to establish motifs and symbols, which left these things feeling hollow (ex. the fixation on trueness).
There were other concepts touched upon that would have been more effective had they been established more firmly or explored in depth. For example, in the beginning of “negative one,” it appears to be implied that the narrator had some sort of eating disorder history that is touched on then and only then. I understand that that maybe isn’t as important an aspect of the story and the narrator’s identity as, you know, his substance abuse and gender/sexuality, but it just kind of read like an afterthought when it seems like the kind of thing that would play a larger role in the development of his character. I found the meditation on Brandon Teena and Phillip Devine to be overwrought and borderline insensitive at times as well.
I found a lot of the writing that other readers on this page have found unpleasantly pretentious to be enjoyable at times, and there’s definitely some clever, powerful, hard-hitting turns of phrase here and there, but the story kind of disappears up its own ass with all of the flowery prose and liberal arts student pretension (no hate to Duncan, I’m very much guilty of liberal arts student pretension myself). Considering that this is Duncan’s debut, though, I hope that he writes more FtM fiction (especially because there seems to be a drought of FtM fiction for adults) as he continues to grow as a writer. His impressive technical skills are admirable, but his storytelling just doesn’t quite have that edge yet. I did appreciate the references to good music, though.
So I guess I’m still looking for the Great Transmasculine Novel.
Read
September 2, 2023i had trouble with this for the first third of it— ponyboy felt really vague as a character & the book felt really shaped by pretension and the standard prose poetic form of contemporary trans lit fic. i honestly thought about putting it down, but i started to turn a corner with duncan's prose when ponyboy began to spiral and the plot got a little more concrete and event-driven. duncan's prose is really beautiful and surreal and sketchy and ethereal, which can be hard when you're looking for something to tether you to a novel as a reader, but once you sink into it it's kind of whirlwind lovely. i didn't love it, it was kind of navel-gaze trans misery, but i'm looking forward to how duncan's writing matures in future projects!
October 16, 2025
#️⃣5️⃣6️⃣7️⃣Read & Reviewed in 2025 🍩🧁
Date : 🗓️ Tuesday, October 14, 2025 🎁💐🍝
Word Count📃: 45k Words 🎉🍬✨
— !! 𖦹「 ✦ 🍪 Happy Birthday🎂 ✦ 」✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩
My 42th read in "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!!! :DDDD 👏🍭🍨" October.
4️⃣🌟, incredibly deep dive to confusion...in three acts
——————————————————————
➕➖0️⃣1️⃣2️⃣3️⃣4️⃣5️⃣6️⃣7️⃣8️⃣9️⃣🔟✖️➗
ACT 1
Love triangle — typical lol. But there's some hidden judgement and prejudices that is happening to Ponyboy and the trans-masculine identity.
ACT 2
Drug addiction, somehow even though there is a love tringle, the person who Ponyboy chose WAS NONE OF THE OPTIONS ANYWAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
ACT 3
The climax of the story. The part where all of the confusion, all of the crisis is described. It is another level of despair and helplessness as Ponyboy doesn't know anything now about any forms of identity, connection & addiction that may form. The 3rd act is one of the most profound parts of the story and what I think is the best one out of the three.
Date : 🗓️ Tuesday, October 14, 2025 🎁💐🍝
Word Count📃: 45k Words 🎉🍬✨
— !! 𖦹「 ✦ 🍪 Happy Birthday🎂 ✦ 」✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩
My 42th read in "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!!! :DDDD 👏🍭🍨" October.
4️⃣🌟, incredibly deep dive to confusion...in three acts
——————————————————————
➕➖0️⃣1️⃣2️⃣3️⃣4️⃣5️⃣6️⃣7️⃣8️⃣9️⃣🔟✖️➗
ACT 1
Love triangle — typical lol. But there's some hidden judgement and prejudices that is happening to Ponyboy and the trans-masculine identity.
ACT 2
Drug addiction, somehow even though there is a love tringle, the person who Ponyboy chose WAS NONE OF THE OPTIONS ANYWAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
ACT 3
The climax of the story. The part where all of the confusion, all of the crisis is described. It is another level of despair and helplessness as Ponyboy doesn't know anything now about any forms of identity, connection & addiction that may form. The 3rd act is one of the most profound parts of the story and what I think is the best one out of the three.
April 22, 2024
Okay, after the insufferable language of the first and second parts, I get it. I couldn't stand the constant use of the phrase "the ____ of me" (insert "hard", "soft", "warm" which were all used several times). Everything was so saccharine and vivid; it felt like the writing was in painful high definition with a sensory overload of language, but I think that was the point.
After finishing it, I realize (or hope) this was a stylistic choice to represent the difference in cognitive states the narrator experienced between being high and being sober and lucid. The language and writing are much more digestible, unique, and poignant in the latter half, which other reviewers have noted. I developed a sense of empathy for the narrator as the story progressed, and I actually ended up really enjoying this. Worthy of a nomination for the National Book Award? Not sure.
After finishing it, I realize (or hope) this was a stylistic choice to represent the difference in cognitive states the narrator experienced between being high and being sober and lucid. The language and writing are much more digestible, unique, and poignant in the latter half, which other reviewers have noted. I developed a sense of empathy for the narrator as the story progressed, and I actually ended up really enjoying this. Worthy of a nomination for the National Book Award? Not sure.
February 27, 2023
Ponyboy is a novel about self-immolation and rising from your own ashes with a spent match between your teeth. It’s also one of the best books I’ve read about expat dirtbaggery, and ferociously portrays the velvety allure of oblivion and the terror, eroticism, and bright urgency of coming home to yourself.
March 14, 2023
After reading the description I knew I had to read Ponyboy by Eliot Duncan. I have been wanting more messy trans, queer stories and this definitely filled that void. This book is exactly what the synopsis says: we follow Ponyboy as he’s spinning out in Paris and then Berlin and eventually returns to Iowa to go to rehab. But the beauty is in the chaos of this messy (in a good way) character study. Ponyboy is a transmasc writer living in Paris dealing with addiction, gender identity, sex, drugs, art, and a girlfriend who doesn’t quite understand him. I feel like I can’t say more without spoilers, but this is very much a vibes book, you just have to keep going with the flow. Ponyboy is going through *a lot* and it comes through in the writing. The prose is very chaotic and jaunty yet poetic in a way that perfectly encapsulates Ponyboy’s own inner turmoil and mindset. While I can see why this wouldn’t work for some people, I think it worked for me. We also get some of Ponyboy’s work throughout the book in the form of poetry and some dialogues written to various people such as Freud’s famous case study Dora and Brandon Teena. I loved that this book felt like a modern take on the classic “queer person goes to Europe and chaos ensues” following the tradition dating back to Barnes and Isherwood and Auden. Overall, I would say definitely keep an eye out for Ponyboy come June, especially if you love messy, gritty, queer stories with poetic, experimental writing.
P.S. I don’t know if this will make sense to anyone but me, but this book feels like the song $20 by boygenius in the best way.
P.S. I don’t know if this will make sense to anyone but me, but this book feels like the song $20 by boygenius in the best way.
January 30, 2025
i was so excited to read this to get ahead of more queer and trans books being banned this year. but i did not expect the pretentiousness of it all to make this a nearly impossible read. an excerpt that made me laugh and reread so many times: “Gravity obeys you, angel. Drink an ale or seven and fuck me rough. . . I miss all our sex materials . . . What lust structures can we fuck by?” and it goes ON. literally what is a sex material?? what the hell is a lust structure. help
i appreciate what this book was trying to do but i don’t think the author achieved it at all. i didn’t vibe with the choppiness of it all. i read an interview with the author where he said this project started as random little excerpts where he spoke to historical figures (like freud… enough said) and i can’t help but feel that those excerpts were randomly thrown into the central narrative; there was no artistic purpose. i didn’t feel like those “conversations” added anything except pretentiousness. the final paragraph where everything is tied together in too neat of a bow where the narrator lists every person, setting, and historical figure referenced throughout and himself “swell[ing] in an elated calm” didn’t land as hard and meaningfully as the author thought it did.
there was a beautiful section i did adore, though. one of the last passages in iowa, ponyboy digs a grave for his grandma’s dog. the narrative slows down and focuses on the imagery and the sensation of doing such a physical task for his grandma “before it’s her turn to go.”
lowkey i would’ve loved a book about toni instead <3
i appreciate what this book was trying to do but i don’t think the author achieved it at all. i didn’t vibe with the choppiness of it all. i read an interview with the author where he said this project started as random little excerpts where he spoke to historical figures (like freud… enough said) and i can’t help but feel that those excerpts were randomly thrown into the central narrative; there was no artistic purpose. i didn’t feel like those “conversations” added anything except pretentiousness. the final paragraph where everything is tied together in too neat of a bow where the narrator lists every person, setting, and historical figure referenced throughout and himself “swell[ing] in an elated calm” didn’t land as hard and meaningfully as the author thought it did.
there was a beautiful section i did adore, though. one of the last passages in iowa, ponyboy digs a grave for his grandma’s dog. the narrative slows down and focuses on the imagery and the sensation of doing such a physical task for his grandma “before it’s her turn to go.”
lowkey i would’ve loved a book about toni instead <3
March 28, 2024
An evocative and emotional story that would have benefited from some further refinement.
Ponyboy is rife with powerful depictions of the addiction and desperation of a young trans man struggling to self actualize in the face of repeated dismissals of his identity. That being said, the hard cuts of the book (which are clearly meant to depict the blackouts/ins from his substance abuse) are employed inconsistently and many of the interludes are placed with a sort of juvenile poeticism that is rivaled only by the clumsy stabs at philosophy and ill-conceived conversations with historical figures. The somewhat heavyhanded wing motif is never fully developed.
Stylistically, the language is consistently over-contrived and pretentious but (very) occasionally stumbles into some really beautiful prose. The unconventional use of sensory adjectives would be really effective if it were deployed less frequently and with greater intention.
I don’t think the exclusion of quotation marks added anything. No novel should use the word “ontology” more than five times.
Ponyboy is rife with powerful depictions of the addiction and desperation of a young trans man struggling to self actualize in the face of repeated dismissals of his identity. That being said, the hard cuts of the book (which are clearly meant to depict the blackouts/ins from his substance abuse) are employed inconsistently and many of the interludes are placed with a sort of juvenile poeticism that is rivaled only by the clumsy stabs at philosophy and ill-conceived conversations with historical figures. The somewhat heavyhanded wing motif is never fully developed.
Stylistically, the language is consistently over-contrived and pretentious but (very) occasionally stumbles into some really beautiful prose. The unconventional use of sensory adjectives would be really effective if it were deployed less frequently and with greater intention.
I don’t think the exclusion of quotation marks added anything. No novel should use the word “ontology” more than five times.
June 1, 2023
Major thanks to NetGalley and W. W. Norton Company for an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest thoughts:
my link text
An incredibly important text in the trans literature canon.
There are passages that span across the way the trans body interacts with misunderstanding and miscommunication in the messy love triangle with Baby and Toni for our masc trans narrator. A lot of light was shed on the experience of the everyday trans individual that I found compelling and enriching. Beyond this, it's also a book about self-destruction through the trials of addiction.
Messy. Unapologetic. Chaotic. In prose, in person. In desperation.
I could make two arguments about the overly-done prose:
All For:
If anything, the flowery language, uneven throughout the text, is incredibly erratic to the point where it becomes Ponyboy. Ponyboy is prose. It leaps, it crashes. It drowns, it drags. It goes on and on because it [the prose] needs to keep up with the days that transgress against all odds, against oblivion.
All Against:
Sometimes the prose borders between overly-sentimental to pure cringe. It becomes too aesthetic for its own good, alienating care from the reader, adding little to no supplement to the thick of the plot. For an Iowa Writers' Workshop graduate, I'm rethinking the program and its credentials as an iNstItUtiOn. If this is the kind of writing being produced, I'm glad knowing that I've saved myself a couple of bucks!
All in all, Eliot's novel is a fresh bildungsroman. I'm here for the ride, for the chaotic swerves and sharp turns, but it comes off as too debut-y. Amateur. It's an overly-produced indie art haus film that sacrifices too much for aesthetics in place of substance. But, there is no doubt that Eliot will come around with a greater and grander sophomore novel.
my link text
An incredibly important text in the trans literature canon.
There are passages that span across the way the trans body interacts with misunderstanding and miscommunication in the messy love triangle with Baby and Toni for our masc trans narrator. A lot of light was shed on the experience of the everyday trans individual that I found compelling and enriching. Beyond this, it's also a book about self-destruction through the trials of addiction.
Messy. Unapologetic. Chaotic. In prose, in person. In desperation.
I could make two arguments about the overly-done prose:
All For:
If anything, the flowery language, uneven throughout the text, is incredibly erratic to the point where it becomes Ponyboy. Ponyboy is prose. It leaps, it crashes. It drowns, it drags. It goes on and on because it [the prose] needs to keep up with the days that transgress against all odds, against oblivion.
All Against:
Sometimes the prose borders between overly-sentimental to pure cringe. It becomes too aesthetic for its own good, alienating care from the reader, adding little to no supplement to the thick of the plot. For an Iowa Writers' Workshop graduate, I'm rethinking the program and its credentials as an iNstItUtiOn. If this is the kind of writing being produced, I'm glad knowing that I've saved myself a couple of bucks!
All in all, Eliot's novel is a fresh bildungsroman. I'm here for the ride, for the chaotic swerves and sharp turns, but it comes off as too debut-y. Amateur. It's an overly-produced indie art haus film that sacrifices too much for aesthetics in place of substance. But, there is no doubt that Eliot will come around with a greater and grander sophomore novel.
March 27, 2024
hot, pretentious, addictive
December 30, 2024
like a dare psa written by the most annoying person in your creative writing class
January 26, 2024
-Disclaimer: I won this book for free through Goodreads giveaways in exchange for an honest review.-
This is one of those things the author writes for themselves. In an attempt to be artsy, the reader is left out. The main character is unfaithful. I do like the cover and the font chosen. But all-in-all, this is repetitive, pointless talk of sex, drugs, drinking, gender, and wishing things were different.
Quotes:
"Constant revelry isn't revelry at all".
"People wander past and watch. They all have phones instead of faces".
"See, you fuck to leave your body, I fuck to get into mine".
"But they wanted you to reproduce, a vessel for the desire of your parents and their parents and theirs and then theirs before".
"Cross your legs unless men want to shove themselves into you, unless you're giving birth".
This is one of those things the author writes for themselves. In an attempt to be artsy, the reader is left out. The main character is unfaithful. I do like the cover and the font chosen. But all-in-all, this is repetitive, pointless talk of sex, drugs, drinking, gender, and wishing things were different.
Quotes:
"Constant revelry isn't revelry at all".
"People wander past and watch. They all have phones instead of faces".
"See, you fuck to leave your body, I fuck to get into mine".
"But they wanted you to reproduce, a vessel for the desire of your parents and their parents and theirs and then theirs before".
"Cross your legs unless men want to shove themselves into you, unless you're giving birth".
November 4, 2023
didn’t expect another Berlin book already!! 3.5 bc i did really like the end. a lot of the writing had too much metaphor for me and i could not keep up with what was actually being said. I also think i can only read about so much drug use before I start to wonder what I’m doing. the chapter addressing Brandon Teena is REALLY going to stick with me though, and i liked reading about ponyboy’s family in flashbacks and at the end.
August 12, 2023
yowza!!! this flew by, in a great way. really introspective and stressful; thoughtful and made me so mad that i smiled. a good one for sure
April 11, 2026
“I don’t hate people, I hate the politically allocated fictions that suffocate.”
April 16, 2024
Pretto och klyschig och bra
Read
July 10, 2024i had a hard time getting through this because some of the language was so pretentious i had to keep pausing to sigh/feel irritated/run my hands over my face lol. partway through i started reframing it in my mind as a trans attempt at the great american beat novel — very in line with other masculine descents into drug & drink in lit, with a splash of the International Intrigue of the City a la bowles, which made me a little bit less irritated? like other readers, i had an easier time with the latter third, but i wonder whether that last third truly made the first 2 worth getting through.
excited to see what duncan does in the future sp if he can simplify & get less gratuitous, because i think he has a lot of potential. this just really wasn’t for me.
excited to see what duncan does in the future sp if he can simplify & get less gratuitous, because i think he has a lot of potential. this just really wasn’t for me.
March 22, 2023
Ponyboy is a powerful story about names and language, trans identity, queerness, addiction, and self-discovery. The prose is experimental and turbulent, which mimics the chaos of the plot. I especially enjoyed the inclusion of Ponyboy's own writing, including letters to Freud's Dora and the murdered ghost of Brandon Teena, along with many poems.
This book started off so strong, and had many moments where the writing glimmered. I was excited to connect with the characters, especially with the story being so character driven, but most of them, Ponyboy included, fell flat by the middle. The spirals of addiction and partying made up most of the plot, and by the time Ponyboy did eventually go to rehab and embark on a self-healing journey, I just didn't find myself invested or connected with him. His recovery didn't feel fleshed out enough to be believable, which the second half of the novel then followed suit.
This book was triumphant in its portrayal of some of the issues trans folks experience. The conversations surrounding gender, sex, and identity were excellent and for that reason, I would recommended this book.
This book started off so strong, and had many moments where the writing glimmered. I was excited to connect with the characters, especially with the story being so character driven, but most of them, Ponyboy included, fell flat by the middle. The spirals of addiction and partying made up most of the plot, and by the time Ponyboy did eventually go to rehab and embark on a self-healing journey, I just didn't find myself invested or connected with him. His recovery didn't feel fleshed out enough to be believable, which the second half of the novel then followed suit.
This book was triumphant in its portrayal of some of the issues trans folks experience. The conversations surrounding gender, sex, and identity were excellent and for that reason, I would recommended this book.
November 2, 2023
I’d heard different interpretations and critiques of this book before reading, and more specifically the way in which it represented the transmasc journey. However I’d openly disagree with such comments. This book seeks to provide a personal insight and one of a poetic nature, not one to encompass all factors and represent all. Though I did not feel all parts of book to represent sent my own journey, the innermost thoughts and feelings of being lost and confused and misunderstood resonate a lot we me; Not to mention the back and forth of the mind during the process of understanding oneself and transition more. I like the confusing nature of the way the book is written, the non traditional format, in the way old novels do also. It gradually became more clear as things become more clear to ponyboy himself. An overall enjoyable and valuable read.
(New to reviewing so sorry if this doesn’t make sense to all 😅)
(New to reviewing so sorry if this doesn’t make sense to all 😅)
July 3, 2024
first book i ever hate read. the most pretentious, cringeworthy writing i’ve ever had the misfortune of encountering. if i ever read the phrase “the ____ of me” again in my life, it will be too soon. like the rupi kaur of queer autofiction. all the worst bits of gender studies intelligentsia speak with none of the artistry, creativity, and simply Good writing that can make this genre so beautiful and impactful.
September 21, 2023
imagine if euphoria actually had something important to say
longlisted for the 2023 national book award for fiction
longlisted for the 2023 national book award for fiction
October 13, 2025
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting or wanting, but this book was a gem. such an intense and artistic (and okay a bit pretentious) portrayal of addiction, of self-destruction, of queerness, of coming of age.
April 1, 2025
sucks, sorry!
March 17, 2026
I adored this. So beautiful. Almost nothing happened, except a world contained inside of this one guy.
April 11, 2026
This book was ambitious in a lot of ways — mixed form, prose, intertext, and most of all, an attempt to write both a plotless vibesbook and something of a trans/recovery anti-narrative. It certainly succeeded in its prose, and often, in its sharp depiction of transMad affect. In plot, in the incorporation of poetics (the poetry was mostly bad and added nothing to the book as a whole) and in…. The attempt at eschewing the rock bottom-to-recovery teleology, this book didn’t really succeed. I’m still appreciative of the effort, though, and hope there will more books doing this work in the future.
June 18, 2023
This novel is not so much about coming out (thank gods) as it is about coming to or coming into oneself, and it got me thinking about how art and theory are indispensable for becoming-trans and becoming-queer. Eliot Duncan's archive of becoming-trans is summarized in the last paragraph of the novel:
"Having named myself, I smiled in a way I didn't know I could, becoming me. Paris and Mom and June and Preciado and Dad and Baby and Iowa and Gabriel and Berlin and June and Wittig and blow and beer and Brandon and Phillip and Lee and Grandma and Mother Mary and Toni and Harry and Dora and Jean Genet and I all swell in an elated calm."
Other individuals are also named like Jack Halberstam, whom Duncan singles out for being/having a form of embodiment he seeks. It is here that the role of theory in becoming-trans/queer becomes important. I remember a line from somewhere saying something like 'perhaps I was born gay but books made me queer' and it is exactly what theory does unlike any other human activity. What Duncan does with this novel is a kind of autotheory, which is, in words of one McKenzie Wark in Raving, to genre of academic writing what 'trannies and faggots' are to gender, showing the ways in which one becomes with and along the theoretical archive (in this case: Preciado, Halberstam, Wittig, etc. against Nietzsche, Freud, Sartre, Adorno). Similar things could be said for the art archive in this novel since art offers (imaginary) possibilities for becoming-otherwise, but I find novel's reliance on theory more interesting given a heavy presence of (queer/trans) theoretical references in recent trans and queer fiction.
"Having named myself, I smiled in a way I didn't know I could, becoming me. Paris and Mom and June and Preciado and Dad and Baby and Iowa and Gabriel and Berlin and June and Wittig and blow and beer and Brandon and Phillip and Lee and Grandma and Mother Mary and Toni and Harry and Dora and Jean Genet and I all swell in an elated calm."
Other individuals are also named like Jack Halberstam, whom Duncan singles out for being/having a form of embodiment he seeks. It is here that the role of theory in becoming-trans/queer becomes important. I remember a line from somewhere saying something like 'perhaps I was born gay but books made me queer' and it is exactly what theory does unlike any other human activity. What Duncan does with this novel is a kind of autotheory, which is, in words of one McKenzie Wark in Raving, to genre of academic writing what 'trannies and faggots' are to gender, showing the ways in which one becomes with and along the theoretical archive (in this case: Preciado, Halberstam, Wittig, etc. against Nietzsche, Freud, Sartre, Adorno). Similar things could be said for the art archive in this novel since art offers (imaginary) possibilities for becoming-otherwise, but I find novel's reliance on theory more interesting given a heavy presence of (queer/trans) theoretical references in recent trans and queer fiction.
March 28, 2023
Ponyboy is a midwest trans boy, living in France, and in precarious queer relationships. While falling down a hole of K and blow, his loved ones show him concern. Toni, at one point says to Ponyboy, that 'people like us' don't survive addiction. A scene that foretells Ponyboy's downfall.
He pushes everyone away, and following the white lines, Ponyboy finds himself in an adulterous gay relationship. Using his lover as a muse, there are inspired scenes of transmasculine oriented sexuality that I found cathartic and expressive. But, there are also devastating scenes of sex for drugs and sexual assault. Painful trauma being lived and relived, brought on by strangers in the club, as well as his Family's habitual misgendering.
It was a poetic novel that could be many things, a gender novel, an addict's novel, a recovery novel, a novel of finding your name, or renaming yourself. saved the readability of the novel for me, making what may well be my favorite bildungsroman of 2023. I can't wait for others to read it!
He pushes everyone away, and following the white lines, Ponyboy finds himself in an adulterous gay relationship. Using his lover as a muse, there are inspired scenes of transmasculine oriented sexuality that I found cathartic and expressive. But, there are also devastating scenes of sex for drugs and sexual assault. Painful trauma being lived and relived, brought on by strangers in the club, as well as his Family's habitual misgendering.
It was a poetic novel that could be many things, a gender novel, an addict's novel, a recovery novel, a novel of finding your name, or renaming yourself. saved the readability of the novel for me, making what may well be my favorite bildungsroman of 2023. I can't wait for others to read it!
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