Growing in to Autism

by Sandra Thom-Jones

What's it like to realise you're autistic? And how do you start to ask the world around you to accept that?

From the outside looking in, Sandra Thom-Jones was living a successful life: she had a great career, a beautiful home, a caring husband, two loving sons and supportive friends. But from the inside looking out, she was struggling to make sense of her place in the world, constantly feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, and convinced that her challenges with daily life just meant that she had to try harder. In Growing In to Autism, Thom-Jones tells the story of gradually realizing that she was autistic, and that she experienced the world in ways which were markedly different from neurotypical people. This was a profound awakening - throughout her life she had been masking her true self and this effort had come at great physical, mental and emotional cost. Applying her skills as an experienced and expert researcher, Thom-Jones delved into the literature on autism in adults, learning much more than she already knew as a parent of two autistic boys. Part personal, funny, endearing and enlightening memoir, and part rigorous explication of the nature of autism, Growing in to Autism is a book for all people, memorably conveying the need for better understanding and ways of making space for a group of individuals in our society who have so much to offer.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Nonfiction, Psychology, Memoir, Australia, Disability

232 pages, Paperback

Published August 30, 2022

Reviews

[AngelaC · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a comprehensive study of one woman's autism and, as such, it will be extremely helpful for anybody who thinks they might be autistic themselves or who knows somebody who has been diagnosed with autism.
There are a number of signs that are well known to the general population (inability to engage in social chit-chat, obsessive interest in one particular subject or hobby etc.) but this book delves much, much deeper into the autistic brain, revealing struggles in everyday life that leave the sufferer exhausted.
The book ends with an extensive list of references for readers wishing to extend their knowledge even further.
I would thoroughly recommend this study.

[Katina Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing in to Autism is a book for everyone, not just those adults seeking a clinical diagnosis of autism. It celebrates the uniqueness of the person and provides for us a vehicle for understanding the other. We are not all the same, nor will we ever really comprehend what the other is going through, no matter how much empathic intelligence we believe we have. But that perennial question: "Who am I?" and the journey to find oneself and/or rediscover their true self in adulthood, strikes at the core of this incredible story.

What to expect
The book is autobiographical but not an autobiography. Sandra Thom-Jones puts herself out there, fearlessly. Her brilliant writing demonstrates a natural voice, powerful, fearless, experienced, controlled, and without inhibition. All that personal confusion has now been put to rest, yet without surprise, the challenges persist in our community: are we listening to one another? are we choosing to see one another? are we sensing each other? How to raise awareness, how to be adaptive as friends and colleagues, partners, siblings, as children and parents; how to learn to care for one another in the most simple of ways will inevitably make things better for everyone.

Contents
The book is masterfully written in 5 parts containing 27 chapters. Each chapter begins with a short story or an anecdote. Some chapters even contain dialogue. Every word of this book is true, and in this sense it qualifies for what Lee Gutkind would call "creative non-fiction". Written with deep reflection, humour, and in part from a place of introspection, Sandra Thom-Jones has endured, as has her beloved family.

Warning
This book will not leave you alone. You can pick it up and try to put it down, but you will find yourself gripped by the narrative style, and will carry it with you everywhere until you are done. You will read it cover to cover and then find yourself re-reading long sections again. You will want to lend it to your neighbour, your child's teacher, your best friend, your lover, even your boss. And you should. Even if you do not have autism, you will see bits of yourself or someone you hold dear in this book.

Relating
In some way, this book brings us a great deal of peace. We are not alone in our every day struggle against the complexities and multiple facades of a layered world. There are others like us who just want to be themselves and be accepted for who they are. This is a book that brings everyone closer together in celebration of difference. You will find yourself wanting to know more, and for this the author includes References and Resources at the end of the book.

About the Writer
Sandra Thom-Jones is one of world's leading academic voices in public health, health promotion, and social marketing. It is no surprise that what is emerging from her "lived experience" is "professional expertise", allied with her six degrees each of which in some way contributes profoundly to the conversation. Her research has changed lives already. But this topic she has chosen to tackle will be her most successful yet. This book has the propensity to make visible that which was previously invisible and to impact people that matter to us, one conversation at a time.

[Margaret Rennie]

A complete education on autism, should be compulsory reading for anyone dealing with others.
Kudos to the author for bravery in sharing her experiences.

[Lilly (The Autism Books by Autistic Authors Project) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sandra Thom-Jones always felt different from other people but never knew why. When autism was mentioned as a possible diagnosis for her older son, her knowledge was like most people’s—based on stereotypes. Her second son had more difficulties and was diagnosed at two years old. As someone who loves facts and knowledge, and of course wanted the best for her sons, she began to research. Over a number of years, Thom-Jones realised she may also be Autistic, and with much trepidation, sought a diagnosis for herself.

Growing in to Autism is a memoir about Thom-Jones’ experiences. It is also packed full of useful information including facts and suggestions to help make the lives of Autistic people easier. These suggestions are aimed at both Autistic people and those who support them.

The book is organised into short, self-contained chapters covering individual topics. It can be read from cover to cover, but you could just as easily pick and choose the chapters which interest you the most. Many of the common day to day experiences and challenges Autistic people face are discussed, from discovering you are Autistic later in life, to sensory sensitivities, social relationships, parenting, work, burnout, and so much more.

While most of the stories centre around Thom-Jones’ own experiences, she also includes (with permission) snippets of experiences from her two (now adult) Autistic sons. The fourth person in their household, her husband, is not Autistic. This provides an illuminating juxtaposition of Autistic versus non-Autistic experiences throughout the book, particularly those centred on social communication. Thom-Jones’ husband often provides interpretations of non-Autistic perspectives to situations which she finds perplexing.

Thom-Jones became a researcher and academic; her love of learning is evident throughout the memoir. The writing reflects her extensive experience of professional writing for a range of audiences. As such, the book is easy to read, while being packed with facts, and footnotes for more information.

There is a common misconception that a person cannot be Autistic and successful at the same time. Success and autism, it is believed, are mutually exclusive; if you have a range of support needs, then you cannot be considered successful. When tropes such as the above are utilised, they tend to refer to societal and capitalistic standards of success, which emphasise career, family, and so forth. This memoir provides a clear demonstration that many Autistic people can meet these subjective descriptors of success—in Thom-Jones’ case, marriage, children, reaching the level of Professor and Pro Vice Chancellor of a university—yet still have many support needs.

Thom-Jones writes of the many routines and accommodations she has implemented in her daily life, as well as the difficulties which occur when the inevitable happens, and things don’t go as planned. Often these appear to have been honed over many years of experience, particularly since learning about her Autistic identity, and finding supports within the Autistic community. Readers may be inspired by some of these examples to help find their own supports and accommodations.

Special, or intense, interests are frequently referred to in the book. Many Autistic people have experienced a lifetime of being told our interests are too much. We may be stopped from engaging with them, or left feeling ashamed for spending so much time on them. I love how Thom-Jones unashamedly talks about her special interests and incorporates them into so much of her environment. Even the book cover is pink, which is a constant, comforting element of Thom-Jones’ life. She discusses how she has learnt when and where it is appropriate to unmask and be herself, particularly as she has grown into her Autistic identity over a number of years. The book is also abundantly illustrated with—often humorous—examples of when Thom-Jones has not always got the situation right, providing many humble, but relatable experiences.

It is noted that Thom-Jones has many privileges which have further aided her success. She is also careful to explain that her experiences are not universal; each Autistic person has different strengths and support needs. I was really pleased to read Thom-Jones is intentionally using her position of power to help make changes for Autistic people—in the workplace, in higher education, through research, and her own mentorship.

The end of the book contains one of the most extensive further resources sections I have ever come across in a non-academic book. There are websites, videos, and online resources, plus a comprehensive list of academic articles. The latter is organised by topic, and articles which have been written by one or more Autistic researchers have been marked, when known. I will be sourcing and reading through these for a long time!

Growing in to Autism is a wonderfully affirming book; a really enjoyable read, which came with many ‘I’m not alone moments’. I will be adding this to my favourites list and recommending it to other people. I think this would be especially helpful for those who are newly discovering their Autistic identity and those wondering if they might be Autistic. This will also be a great book for non-Autistic people who would like to learn more about autism, particularly about the experiences of Autistic adults and how to support them.

Note: A slightly longer version of this review, including a quote, was first published on my website (autismbooksbyautisticauthors.com) on 16 March, 2023.

[Liisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently finished reading "Growing in to Autism" by Sandra Thom-Jones, and I can't recommend it highly enough! This five-star read is a must for both neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals alike.

From the outside, Sandra Thom-Jones appeared to have it all: a successful career, a beautiful home, a caring husband, two loving sons, and supportive friends. However, on the inside, she was constantly overwhelmed, exhausted, and struggling to understand her place in the world. Her journey of self-discovery led her to realize that she was autistic, experiencing the world in ways vastly different from neurotypical people.

This profound awakening revealed that she had been masking her true self for years, which came at a significant physical, mental, and emotional cost. As an experienced researcher, Thom-Jones delved deep into the literature on autism in adults, uncovering insights that went beyond her knowledge as a parent of two autistic boys.

"Growing in to Autism" is a beautiful blend of personal memoir and rigorous exploration of autism. It's funny, endearing, enlightening, and above all, a call for better understanding and inclusion of neurodivergent individuals in our society. Sandra Thom-Jones' story is a powerful reminder of the unique perspectives and contributions that neurodivergent individuals bring to the world.

If you're looking for a book that will broaden your understanding and touch your heart, this is it.

[Rach · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave me a lot of insight into what life can be like for an autistic person. The author received a diagnosis late in life and has since written this book to share her experiences. For a non-autistic person and a parent of an autistic child, I loved this. I learned so much and have recommended it to my child to read. It is equal parts wonderful, very accessible and eye opening.

[Miriam Miles · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and looked forward to reading about Thom-Jones' experiences as an Autistic woman. As a late diagnosed Autistic, I found myself nodding in agreement on every second page, feeling a fair bit of comradery and validation.
I would read this again, mostly to skip to parts that I really felt encouraged me in advocating for myself and exploring my unique ways of doing things.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thom-Jones is aged 50+ and is well into autism since infancy. She knew from an early age she was “different”. One memory is that when first attending primary school she could already read, the others couldn’t. She concluded she was clever and the rest of the class were stupid, as she told the teacher. She was astonished that this was received very badly, she was rude; but it was simply a “fact” to her. She learned from that and similar incidents to act according to her perceptions of what others expected of her: and to “mask” her autistic behaviours wherever possible, such as making noises, counting objects like lino tiles, repetitive behaviour (‘stimming”, self stimulation). When asked “what’s it like to be autistic” she replies that is equivalent to being asked what’s it like to be me. How can she know what part of her are not autistic and what parts are autistic. What thoughts, feelings, experiences she as a neurodiverse have that neurotypicals don’t have? Doctors don’t cure autism, and people don’t grow out of it, autistics grow into autism, they learn to cope with the world their way. There are several aspects that she experiences, which is not to say that all autistics have the same characteristics.

Repetitive patterns include a wide range of aspects to autism: hypersensitivity to stimuli as in “that smells painful”, hyperkinaeshesia where sensory stimuli intermingle, loud noises including music can be painful, poor proprioception as in judging distance while eating and clumsiness, multiple sensory inputs are exponential, obsessive collecting, perfectionism in everything one does with accompanying eternal regrets, extending to black and white morality with no relativity in moral judgements. This need for structure and routines made her like primary school very much, but in high school, where peer mores and fads required conformity, she was badly bullied and left in Year 11, to return to university and life as an academic years later. She regards the conformity requirements in university life as very helpful to her, such as delighting in the bureaucracy of research applications. She is not I think a typical academic who tend to be nonconformists I would have thought.

Sociability is impaired (or is just just different?) like not knowing what the rules are for communication, unable to read facial expressions and prosopagnosia or not remembering faces, avoiding eye contact while conversing (making 2 way zoom very difficult), needing recovery time alone after draining social contacts, meltdowns (overt) and shutdowns (covert) when stimulation becomes too great.

On the other hand, she lists aspects of autism that are an advantage in certain professions, like, as she says, academe. She regards autistics as of high intelligence particularly in analytic skills (her maybe but surely not all), they are rule abiding, and hence trustworthy and reliable, and creative in thinking outside the neurotypical box. However, she doesn’t go into the question of what neurodiverse and neurotypical might mean physiologically, which is an important omission and one I would have thought a psychologist, which she is, would want to untangle as far as possible but maybe that’s for another more technical book.

This is an important book for neurotypicals in understanding autistic behaviours for what they are, and for other autistics to gain some self-insight possibly. However, I get the feeling that all these signs of autism, under repetitive behaviours and sociability, would be more crippling for everyday living than is the case for most. Maybe she is exaggerating the number and intensity of the behaviours? Hard to say, because what is her and what is her autism are indistinguishable as she tells it here. Other autistics would tell a different story, their story. Inevitably, in telling tells her considerable skills and successes as facts, the author comes across as boastful, as indeed her autistic son warned her.

[Max Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

GREAT

Part memoir, part guide to growing in to autism, I can see this book being really helpful for autistic people - whether they have a diagnosis already or if they are thinking they might be autistic and are looking for a diagnosis - and non-autistic people who are looking to understand autistic experiences. Sandra Thom-Jones writes in a very conversational tone, but rarely flounders and is often methodical, to-the-point, so her writing reads really well. It’s clear she is writing for a specific audience, despite this book being helpful to so many audiences, and that was really refreshing. I learnt so much in this 200 page read. There are moments where she makes generalisations and sweeping statements about both neurodivergent people and neurotypical people, but for the most part she acknowledges those generalisations. There are also parts where she doesn’t consider her own biases and that what she believes might not be a fact, but this book, and she acknowledges this too, is just one (incredibly well-lived and well-researched) woman’s perspective. And that’s honestly what makes it so compelling as a book too, the fact that it isn’t a scientific analysis, it’s an experience. Recommend to all.

[Isabel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm so happy that I came across a recommendation for this book on Reddit, because this book is amazing. It is simply one of the best autism books I have read; it has resonated with me extremely deeply and I feel like Sandra Thom-Jones is basically me, with an extremely similar experience of autism to me. She has put into words all of my struggles, dilemmas, thoughts, experiences and strengths - even better, she has extracted the ones that I didn't even know I had, but were there all along. I loved all her anecdotes and memoirs, and the way that she structured them according to the DSM-5's diagnostic criteria (as a fellow autistic person, I love logical structure and classification systems!). Sandra Thom-Jones' writing style is impeccable as well.

It's a shame that I borrowed this book from the library. I desperately wish I had my own copy because there were so many things to highlight and annotate! That said, I probably will buy my own copy at some point.

I'm really excited to read her upcoming book about autism in the workplace, because I'm sure that it will be another enlightening book.

[Bianca · Rating 3 out of 5]

✍️This was a beautifully written, heartfelt and unprejudiced autobiography as well as exposition full of sincere and unembellished analysis and personal chronicling about Professor Sandra's late Autism diagnosis.

I really liked that the book gives the reader the choice to read in any order rather than the standard cover to cover.
There was a plentitude of knowledge, data and groundwork all assembled in five methodical sections. The anecdotes allowed for a humorous and cheerful angle.

This book is for everyone especially those wanting a comprehensive understanding of Autism or for those experiencing it.

[Natasha Allday · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book - intriguing, informative, entertaining, poignant, deeply romantic - I couldn’t put it down.

It gives fascinating insight, practical explanations and advice, delivered from the author’s deeply personal perspective. The structure is highly engaging and readable.

As a teacher, I will use much of this information to support my autistic students’ self advocacy in communicating their particular needs. This book should be a prescribed text for educators.

In articulating her experience of the world as an autistic person, the author also helps neurotypicals to view ourselves through another lens.

[Emkoshka · Rating 4 out of 5]

Adding yet another female autist memoir to my list. Of all the ones I've read so far, this was probably the most relatable, being the story of a late-diagnosed middle-aged Australian woman working in a very high-level role. The chapters are short, engaging and informative and I blitzed through it in a week. Alas, I'm still waiting for the memoir that captures the female AuDHD experience because, again, there were certain things here that just didn't ring true for my own experience of autism and brought on a bit of self-gaslighting. Maybe I just need to be the one to write it. 'cos the market really needs another female autist memoir, not!

[Marie Carlino · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fantastic. I believe many Autistic readers will see themselves in this book - I certainly did! It is written in a way that is very informative without being theoretical or dull. The real life examples and experiences show the humanity we all have, while also helping bridge gaps in understanding. Structured around the diagnostic criteria set out by the DSM-5, this book is comprehensive while still feeling succinct. Will be recommending this book to many people in my life and looking forward to more from this author.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was diagnosed autistic at 44 and this book was recommended to me as one that would be useful, and it was. There were so many moments that I wished I had bought this book instead of borrowing it from the library as the author articulated my experience in ways I have been struggling to, from experiences at school to early days of parenting.

There are some bits I couldn't relate to as I also have ADHD, however this book was a good read and a great resource for other late diagnosed autistic women, and those around them.

[Robert Watson · Rating 4 out of 5]

An important read for anyone interested in relating better to people on the autism spectrum. Lots of detail about the way in which the author experiences the world around her and the difficulties she has faced and have been exacerbated by her delayed diagnosis. As she quite carefully notes this the story of one autistic person and not meant to cover the huge diversity of challenges and successes these folk experience.

[Nina Chad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read. The self awareness required to write a book like this is remarkable. It shows how the diagnostic criteria can look for autistic adults who were not diagnosed as little boys. It is funny and revealing and warm and easy to read. I think there will be a lot of people who feel way more confident seeking assessment as a result of reading it.

[Susan Cashin · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could I would give this more than 5 stars. This is the best book I’ve read by an autistic author who is explaining what autism means for them in their everyday life. Very easy to read. I highly recommend everyone read this. I’m not big on rereading books, but I’m already looking forward to reading this again.

[Lena · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is perfect for anyone who is autistic, wants to learn more about autism, or just wants to read an interesting story about a person discovering themselves and being totally human. I found myself nodding along and chuckling to myself at how relateable many of the author's experiences were. Jones' writing itself is very fun and descriptive as well; I never felt bored by what I was reading. I would definitely recommend it!

[Jeanine Parsons · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing in to Autism is a must-read book for anyone who is autistic, thinks they might be autistic or knows someone who is autistic. A better exposé of the strengths autistic people possess and the challenges they experience would be hard to find!

[Elisabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about understanding yourself and being yourself. It is a very readable, authentic and brave account of the author learning and growing into her autism. I learned a lot and it will definitely help me to be more inclusive and understanding of people with autism.

[Laura Trenham · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most accurate representation of Autism I have read. It gives a voice to those who have ASD and raises awareness of the daily struggles. If you have friends or family with ASD, please give it a read. It would be an eye opener, due to its authentic experience.

[Judith Yeabsley · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating insight into how challenging life can be when one doesn't fit into many of the normative expectations and accommodations for 'neurotypical' people. It was a great read as it was as much biography as factual explanations.

[Vas · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly informative and insightful read. Sandra does an excellent job of describing the many traits that autistic people may present, how they have shown up in her life and possible opportunities for support.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading and would recommend it to anyone and everyone.

[Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting insights.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for sharing your story. This book provides valuable insights, in a highly readable and helpful way. A book everyone should read.

[Toni · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was wonderful and blended informative and autobiographical writing perfectly. Relatable, touching and useful, I would recommend this book for autistic and non-autistic readers alike.

[Luca Muñoz · Rating 4 out of 5]

(4.5 ⭐️)

Great book. I particularly enjoyed the format. Clear, and predictable, and the anecdotes are fantastic to understand better.

[Zoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

9/10 - minus one for the Autistic Strengths chapter cobbled together from websites and totally jarring from the rest of the book.

[The Pink Pigeon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book really helpful! I liked the layout and the explanation of the diagnostic criteria. I left with an understanding of what ASD is for me.