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Parenting Ahead: Preparing Now for the Teen Years
Parenting Ahead helps parents with younger children build a foundation for their family based on biblical principles for the teen years to come. Readers will learn to practice redemptive parenting where their children grow to see the world through a gospel lens based on biblical truth. As parents of young children anticipate the teen years, counselor Kristen Hatton helps them lay the groundwork so that having honest conversations, setting reasonable limits, and exploring issues of the heart will prepare them and their children for the next stage. Hatton helps moms and dads make the connection between their current parenting and future outcomes. By evaluating their parenting, they will see where their own fears, desires, and insecurities lie and how to pivot to practices of faith and trust in God. Proactive, long-haul parenting will help parents and children be better prepared for engaging in the realities of peer pressure, decision-making, and recognizing the connection between behavior and the heart.
- GenresParenting
176 pages, Paperback
Published April 15, 2023
16 people are currently reading
196 people want to read
About the author
Kristen Hatton
9 books3 followersKristen Hatton is a native Texan now putting roots down in Edmond, OK with her church-planter/pastor husband and their three children. With a public relations background from Southern Methodist University, Kristen has a wide array of professional experiences, none of which she counts as important as the job of being a “present” mom. Through leading a small group Bible study of teenagers, she has discovered her passion for teaching and writing about God’s grace. To see more visit kristenhatton.com.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
June 6, 2024
There is a general fear passed down from older parents of the teen years that is communicated from the time our kids are little, “Just you wait until they’re teenagers.” So this next step to teen years seems like an uneven path through a dark forest with prowling wild animals ready to devour the entire family.
Kristen Hatton’s book, Parenting Ahead, points parents on this precipice in ways to think wisely and winsomely of this stage. Hatton infuses this book with a heavy dose of gospel principles to build on and calls us to parent like a farmer with patience, steadfastness, standing firm. In our world of fast results and a desire for easy living, this is counterintuitive. Hatton says:
What an amazing opportunity you have now to help build that foundation [of engagement, interaction, discussion and committed relationship with teens] for your younger children with biblical principles, boundaries, convictions, and honest conversations that will help them when they face the challenges of adolescence. It is much easier to speak into the lives of teenage and young adult children if we’ve been doing so all along. If that is the case, there is a far greater likelihood that they will not only listen but bear the fruit that has been sown. (p. 12)
A positive I see in this book is that Hatton spends a significant amount of time laying out where our unfailing hope as parents lie—in God and the hope of the gospel. She also takes some time to point to parenting pitfalls such as over-parenting and under-parenting. She also points to our idol problem. Her suggestion of Paul Tripp’s open palm or closed fist analogy is extremely helpful for a parent who is struggling: "We can know when a desire has been elevated to idol status when we metaphorically close our fist tight around it. Whatever the it of the moment is, we do everything in our power to obtain or hang on to it. On the other hand, a desire held loosely as if in an open palm does not exert control over us. It is simply a desire, and if it goes unmet we might feel sad or discouraged, but we won’t be devastated." (p. 49)
I appreciated her call to her readers to point on their gospel glasses as they view their parenting like an autorefractor machine. She says, “Without the lens of God’s Word, our vision is blurry. Naturally all we can see is through the sin-skewed refraction of our desires and the world around us. We need new lenses in order to see God, and the world through the gospel grid we need for parenting.” (p. 61) She also points out the essentiality of seeing God’s Word through a metanarrative view in 4 acts of creation, fall, redemption and restoration. Her chart comparing the world’s advice, gospel lens and applying the gospel to everyday encounters will be an essential resource to parents as they face such world-based advice like “You do you!” or “Find your own truth,” giving them biblical grounds and how to apply the gospel in discipling their kids.
One chapter that took me by surprise is “Stop Hurrying the Hurt” which she encourages parents to learn and teach a theology of suffering to their kids. I’ve never seen it written out so clearly in a parenting book, but we have lived these lessons as we have faced our own suffering. We have witnessed how there is hope for even elementary kids to be had when they learn to see a biblical theology of suffering. She reminds us of the common temptation to treat trials like “karma” paying back for the bad things done and how actually suffering is to be expected and are often the result of living in a fallen world. She also points that it is a shared experience with Christ and we know he will redeem the brokenness in the world which gives us hope to endure. Suffering also “has a way of growing us into maturity and moving us into a deeper relationship with God…Without trials, we could remain superficially at peace with others but never have our self-centered thoughts or feelings revealed, including jealousy, judgment, revenge, or entitlement to name just a few.” (p. 81) She also reminds us that suffering reminds us that “this world is not our home.” She says, “Without suffering, we don’t feel our true status. Suffering reminds us, encourages us even, that we haven’t arrived at our final destination.”
After setting the stage, Kristen dives into a long-range, redemptive plan for parenting, with a strong reminder that “there are no parenting formulas that guarantee outcomes.”(p. 85) She points to redemptive living and defines it as “living out the reality of the gospel with one another as we confess, repent, forgive, give grace, and restore one another” which “provides a true picture of who God is. God welcomes sinners to come boldly to him. He doesn’t require penance or keep a record of wrongs.” (p. 88) This may be a challenging concept for parents who have laid out an expectation of immediate obedience, who may be shocked that their child is struggling again with sin they had already talked about. This cycle assumes your child will mess up and need this process and ultimately the grace of a Savior over and over again. Hatton helps flesh this out within the confines of messy parenting by showing us the importance of modeling confession and repentance of their own sin which brings a feeling of safety to share his/her own sin. She also encourages us to go deeper and identify and name our own ruling idol in our moment of sin. This was a helpful reminder that this process helps the child to identify their own idols, root sins and open up further conversation. She warns that a:
"repercussion of not dealing honestly with our sin before our kids is that, as they get older, they will stop sharing with us. Think about it: if we habitually sweep our sin under the rug, pretending it’s not there, resentment builds up in our children when we call them out on theirs and they see us as hypocrites. Not only that, but we are seen as unsafe for them to share their sins or struggles with when we aren’t willing to acknowledge ours." (p. 92)
The next chapters point to the importance of building a foundations. First, building a foundation of engaging the heart by being gospel-centered, studying Scripture together, and understanding and identifying sin, first in our lives and then helping them notice theirs. Next, building a foundation of redemptive conversations through connection, active listening, avoiding nagging, avoiding shaming, identifying with them, and normalizing taboo topics like sex, gender, and pornography. I would also add mental health to this list, because I think we often do not equip our kids for the brokenness of this world and what may come upon them, and avoid these topics until they are right on top of us, creating a reactivity that makes the suffering even harder to bear. Next she points to family rhythms that put the priority on trading busyness for slowing down so you can actually proactively guard your time for helping create an atmosphere focused on the Lord, familial belonging, and boundaries. She emphasizes the importance of church over what the world values. It is so easy to look forward to getaways or sports events which are not bad things in and of themselves, but when we allow it to take the time slot of our time with our church family, we are often unknowingly communicating a value to those temporal things.
Kristen writes out of a joy-filled, hope-filled lens based on the gospel and you do not leave the pages of this book without joy and without hope. You will realistically know it will not be easy, but you will also know that you are not alone in this parenting thing as the Holy Spirit empowers you in your weakest moments so God’s strength is shown clearer.
As stated in the first chapter, Kristen’s “prayer is the rest of this book will encourage you to stay the course or adopt now a long-range, proactive, enduring approach to parenting.”(p. 17)
Kristen Hatton’s book, Parenting Ahead, points parents on this precipice in ways to think wisely and winsomely of this stage. Hatton infuses this book with a heavy dose of gospel principles to build on and calls us to parent like a farmer with patience, steadfastness, standing firm. In our world of fast results and a desire for easy living, this is counterintuitive. Hatton says:
What an amazing opportunity you have now to help build that foundation [of engagement, interaction, discussion and committed relationship with teens] for your younger children with biblical principles, boundaries, convictions, and honest conversations that will help them when they face the challenges of adolescence. It is much easier to speak into the lives of teenage and young adult children if we’ve been doing so all along. If that is the case, there is a far greater likelihood that they will not only listen but bear the fruit that has been sown. (p. 12)
A positive I see in this book is that Hatton spends a significant amount of time laying out where our unfailing hope as parents lie—in God and the hope of the gospel. She also takes some time to point to parenting pitfalls such as over-parenting and under-parenting. She also points to our idol problem. Her suggestion of Paul Tripp’s open palm or closed fist analogy is extremely helpful for a parent who is struggling: "We can know when a desire has been elevated to idol status when we metaphorically close our fist tight around it. Whatever the it of the moment is, we do everything in our power to obtain or hang on to it. On the other hand, a desire held loosely as if in an open palm does not exert control over us. It is simply a desire, and if it goes unmet we might feel sad or discouraged, but we won’t be devastated." (p. 49)
I appreciated her call to her readers to point on their gospel glasses as they view their parenting like an autorefractor machine. She says, “Without the lens of God’s Word, our vision is blurry. Naturally all we can see is through the sin-skewed refraction of our desires and the world around us. We need new lenses in order to see God, and the world through the gospel grid we need for parenting.” (p. 61) She also points out the essentiality of seeing God’s Word through a metanarrative view in 4 acts of creation, fall, redemption and restoration. Her chart comparing the world’s advice, gospel lens and applying the gospel to everyday encounters will be an essential resource to parents as they face such world-based advice like “You do you!” or “Find your own truth,” giving them biblical grounds and how to apply the gospel in discipling their kids.
One chapter that took me by surprise is “Stop Hurrying the Hurt” which she encourages parents to learn and teach a theology of suffering to their kids. I’ve never seen it written out so clearly in a parenting book, but we have lived these lessons as we have faced our own suffering. We have witnessed how there is hope for even elementary kids to be had when they learn to see a biblical theology of suffering. She reminds us of the common temptation to treat trials like “karma” paying back for the bad things done and how actually suffering is to be expected and are often the result of living in a fallen world. She also points that it is a shared experience with Christ and we know he will redeem the brokenness in the world which gives us hope to endure. Suffering also “has a way of growing us into maturity and moving us into a deeper relationship with God…Without trials, we could remain superficially at peace with others but never have our self-centered thoughts or feelings revealed, including jealousy, judgment, revenge, or entitlement to name just a few.” (p. 81) She also reminds us that suffering reminds us that “this world is not our home.” She says, “Without suffering, we don’t feel our true status. Suffering reminds us, encourages us even, that we haven’t arrived at our final destination.”
After setting the stage, Kristen dives into a long-range, redemptive plan for parenting, with a strong reminder that “there are no parenting formulas that guarantee outcomes.”(p. 85) She points to redemptive living and defines it as “living out the reality of the gospel with one another as we confess, repent, forgive, give grace, and restore one another” which “provides a true picture of who God is. God welcomes sinners to come boldly to him. He doesn’t require penance or keep a record of wrongs.” (p. 88) This may be a challenging concept for parents who have laid out an expectation of immediate obedience, who may be shocked that their child is struggling again with sin they had already talked about. This cycle assumes your child will mess up and need this process and ultimately the grace of a Savior over and over again. Hatton helps flesh this out within the confines of messy parenting by showing us the importance of modeling confession and repentance of their own sin which brings a feeling of safety to share his/her own sin. She also encourages us to go deeper and identify and name our own ruling idol in our moment of sin. This was a helpful reminder that this process helps the child to identify their own idols, root sins and open up further conversation. She warns that a:
"repercussion of not dealing honestly with our sin before our kids is that, as they get older, they will stop sharing with us. Think about it: if we habitually sweep our sin under the rug, pretending it’s not there, resentment builds up in our children when we call them out on theirs and they see us as hypocrites. Not only that, but we are seen as unsafe for them to share their sins or struggles with when we aren’t willing to acknowledge ours." (p. 92)
The next chapters point to the importance of building a foundations. First, building a foundation of engaging the heart by being gospel-centered, studying Scripture together, and understanding and identifying sin, first in our lives and then helping them notice theirs. Next, building a foundation of redemptive conversations through connection, active listening, avoiding nagging, avoiding shaming, identifying with them, and normalizing taboo topics like sex, gender, and pornography. I would also add mental health to this list, because I think we often do not equip our kids for the brokenness of this world and what may come upon them, and avoid these topics until they are right on top of us, creating a reactivity that makes the suffering even harder to bear. Next she points to family rhythms that put the priority on trading busyness for slowing down so you can actually proactively guard your time for helping create an atmosphere focused on the Lord, familial belonging, and boundaries. She emphasizes the importance of church over what the world values. It is so easy to look forward to getaways or sports events which are not bad things in and of themselves, but when we allow it to take the time slot of our time with our church family, we are often unknowingly communicating a value to those temporal things.
Kristen writes out of a joy-filled, hope-filled lens based on the gospel and you do not leave the pages of this book without joy and without hope. You will realistically know it will not be easy, but you will also know that you are not alone in this parenting thing as the Holy Spirit empowers you in your weakest moments so God’s strength is shown clearer.
As stated in the first chapter, Kristen’s “prayer is the rest of this book will encourage you to stay the course or adopt now a long-range, proactive, enduring approach to parenting.”(p. 17)
May 27, 2023
Hatton writes well and provides a good intro into a number of topics. Much of this material feels like its been said before by other authors, with greater depth. I appreciated her personal application of their material, but it didn’t feel like it was necessarily adding to the discussion. Good intros are needed and that’s why I would likely still hand it off to someone who just felt completely out in the middle of no man’s land. One thing that I didn’t like was that there were some pretty strong assertions and commentary on parenting styles that was not substantiated with any research.
August 18, 2024
This was such a great book on parenting with rich theological points made throughout. I will definitely be reading this over and over again throughout the parenting journey. I particularly loved the “hope unfailing” chapter - this is a great chapter to reread in times of future suffering or to encourage others in their suffering.
May 10, 2024
Would give it 4.5 if I could. Great gospel foundations. Don’t think it particularly hits as many of the practicals of “prepping for the teen years” as I’d love, but it’s a wonderful and encouraging parenting resource.
July 30, 2023
A really helpful resource for parents whose children are in the teen years, or will be in the future. Hatton writes a grace filled message that encourages and challenges parents to consider what their goals of parenting are, and how they are shaped by the gospel.
Part 1 encourages perseverance and hope as the foundation. Part 2 focuses on some pitfalls that hinder, including parenting styles, idols, the influence of the world, and the avoidance of pain. Part 3 considers what living redemptively might look like - confessing sin, being open about our idols and our struggles, and offering mercy and forgiveness to each other - for parents and children alike. She proposes ways to continue to move towards our children, challenges families to consider where their time, effort and money goes, and encourages slowing down, saying no, and setting boundaries.
Hatten is honest about her own failings, mistakes and regrets, but also shares wise choices and decisions that they made. Overall, she strikes a really helpful balance - acknowledging God is in control, we are sinful and will make mistakes, that no parent is perfect, and that there is no foolproof parenting formula. Yet, at the same time, there are things we can do as parents to be proactive, gospel focussed, and intentional. Worth a read for anyone in or entering the stage of parenting teenagers.
See a more detailed review at: https://musingsinadelaide.blogspot.co...
Part 1 encourages perseverance and hope as the foundation. Part 2 focuses on some pitfalls that hinder, including parenting styles, idols, the influence of the world, and the avoidance of pain. Part 3 considers what living redemptively might look like - confessing sin, being open about our idols and our struggles, and offering mercy and forgiveness to each other - for parents and children alike. She proposes ways to continue to move towards our children, challenges families to consider where their time, effort and money goes, and encourages slowing down, saying no, and setting boundaries.
Hatten is honest about her own failings, mistakes and regrets, but also shares wise choices and decisions that they made. Overall, she strikes a really helpful balance - acknowledging God is in control, we are sinful and will make mistakes, that no parent is perfect, and that there is no foolproof parenting formula. Yet, at the same time, there are things we can do as parents to be proactive, gospel focussed, and intentional. Worth a read for anyone in or entering the stage of parenting teenagers.
See a more detailed review at: https://musingsinadelaide.blogspot.co...
September 16, 2024
I found this book very helpful in many ways that caused me to reflect, repent, and desire change. My one concern was how sanctification was talked about as a purely passive process. If she was referring to positional sanctification, where we are set apart by God through us being born again by His Spirit, then yes our sanctification is passive in the sense that God does it. However, progressive sanctification is not talked about as a purely passive process in the Bible. We must actually make an effort to kill our sin by the power of the Spirit who dwells in us. The commands and prohibitions of the New Testament make no sense if sanctification is purely passive. We “act the miracle” to use language from John Piper. If I use this book more widely, which I still very well may, I will need to clarify the teaching around sanctification.
July 6, 2023
As a parent of adult children, teens and an elementary schooler, I find myself in all of the seasons. This is such a great book no matter what season you are in, but especially if you are in the elementary years… the foundations and rhythms of parenting you set will be tested and challenged in the teen years, and I can’t echo enough the importance of setting patterns of heathy authority, consistency and communication in the early years. I appreciated Hatton’s strong foundation of scripture, non prescriptive approach, and measure of grace and trust in God for our children’s hearts. Will be recommending this one!
April 2, 2025
Highly recommend this book! I listened on audiobook on Hoopla and loved having the scripture parts read over me. Agreed with all of the biblical parenting philosophies and frameworks in this book. A compelling/convicting chapter to me was the one on asking for forgiveness from your kids in order to share your appropriate sin struggles in the moment when they happen (ie- anger, frustration, lack of patience, etc.). Would definitely listen again!
December 30, 2022
In this winsome and gospel-centered invitation to be forward-thinking toward parenting the teen years, Kristen Hatton offers us Jesus and his compassionate pursuit—just the very remedy for our sin-ridden hearts that my husband and I hope to offer our own two girls.
May 7, 2023
A must read for parents, grandparents, and teachers. It is one of the best books on parenting that I have read! I have read many over the years!
I agree wholeheartedly with Holly’s review.
I agree wholeheartedly with Holly’s review.
December 16, 2024
I really enjoyed the reminders and points, though wish she said more on basically every chapter. It's really a short read. There are so few books solely dedicated to parenting teens and I heard her on a podcast and really appreciated her insights so picked up a copy.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews