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Taking Off the Mask: Practical Exercises to Help Understand and Minimise the Effects of Autistic Camouflaging
“I realised I had been camouflaging my whole life – I’d been trying to mask my autistic traits and fit in with all the non-autistic people around me.’
Growing up autistic can often feel as though you have to become a chameleon in social situations, camouflaging yourself to fit in with a seemingly neurotypical world. Combining lived experience with scientific research and practical advice, this book is the essential guide to understanding why you mask and how to feel confident without one.
Focusing on diagnostic devices like the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) to discover the situations in which you mask the most and why, alongside a range of techniques, from CBT, compassion based therapy, DBT, and mindfulness to relieve anxiety and reduce stress, this guide gives you all the tools and confidence you need to re-connect with yourself, the things you love and finally, take off your mask.”
Growing up autistic can often feel as though you have to become a chameleon in social situations, camouflaging yourself to fit in with a seemingly neurotypical world. Combining lived experience with scientific research and practical advice, this book is the essential guide to understanding why you mask and how to feel confident without one.
Focusing on diagnostic devices like the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) to discover the situations in which you mask the most and why, alongside a range of techniques, from CBT, compassion based therapy, DBT, and mindfulness to relieve anxiety and reduce stress, this guide gives you all the tools and confidence you need to re-connect with yourself, the things you love and finally, take off your mask.”
154 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 21, 2022
140 people are currently reading
1407 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews
April 19, 2023
I am a little speechless and in awe with how amazing this book is for a late-diagnosed (32 yo) person with autism. It’s not about “fixing” (ugh so ableist) autism. Rather, it’s being aware of yourself and the exhaustion of masking/camouflaging/adaptive and then choosing what serves you (maybe that’s removing your mask, maybe it’s keeping it on, maybe it’s something in between). I truly wish I could send the intro and conclusion to everyone I know and have ever known so that maybe there would be some understanding, especially since autism is still so misunderstood. I admit that before I started on this road to understand how autism has affected my life in a non-autistic world, I had no idea the extend of the spectrum beyond the traditional, predominantly male traits, savant taught to us in movies like Rain Man and others. Dr Belcher infuses so much compassion in this book and shares her own 7 (!) year experience to get to this point of awareness and strength. Truly amazing.
Some gems (though again I could quote everything in this book):
- disclaimer: “autistic spectrum includes a diverse population of people who are all very different. What I have written in this book is my own understanding and perspective of being autistic … it’s important to note that these views are coming from autistic people who do not have intellectual impairments”
- “When we camouflage we tell ourselves that the true ‘us’ is not good enough, that people can’t tolerate who we really are, and that we are at fault. But this denies us deeper and more meaningful relationships, not just with others but most importantly ourselves.”
- “This isn’t about stopping camouflaging altogether; it’s about gaining a greater awareness of your thoughts, your beliefs, and your goals.”
- “These behaviors start unconsciously from a young age as a response to social traumas and serve to protect an individual well into adulthood. We might become aware of camouflaging as a coping mechanism in adulthood, but it is a reaction of our past experiences as children. What really needs to change is the stigma that is associated with ‘being different,’ but this will not happen overnight, and until then we must protect ourselves and prioritize our own well-being as much as we can.” 👏👏👏👏👏
- “Compassion for ourselves and our fellow autistics is crucial. The likelihood is that you’ve grown up in a society that has constantly tried to change you and told you that your behavior is not ‘appropriate’ or not ‘the norm.’ … Perhaps, like me, you’ve been [camouflaging] so long you don’t even really know who you are in the first place. As adults we now have a choice to begin to unravel some of that shame and try and work backwards to rediscover our identities and who we want to be.” 😭
Some gems (though again I could quote everything in this book):
- disclaimer: “autistic spectrum includes a diverse population of people who are all very different. What I have written in this book is my own understanding and perspective of being autistic … it’s important to note that these views are coming from autistic people who do not have intellectual impairments”
- “When we camouflage we tell ourselves that the true ‘us’ is not good enough, that people can’t tolerate who we really are, and that we are at fault. But this denies us deeper and more meaningful relationships, not just with others but most importantly ourselves.”
- “This isn’t about stopping camouflaging altogether; it’s about gaining a greater awareness of your thoughts, your beliefs, and your goals.”
- “These behaviors start unconsciously from a young age as a response to social traumas and serve to protect an individual well into adulthood. We might become aware of camouflaging as a coping mechanism in adulthood, but it is a reaction of our past experiences as children. What really needs to change is the stigma that is associated with ‘being different,’ but this will not happen overnight, and until then we must protect ourselves and prioritize our own well-being as much as we can.” 👏👏👏👏👏
- “Compassion for ourselves and our fellow autistics is crucial. The likelihood is that you’ve grown up in a society that has constantly tried to change you and told you that your behavior is not ‘appropriate’ or not ‘the norm.’ … Perhaps, like me, you’ve been [camouflaging] so long you don’t even really know who you are in the first place. As adults we now have a choice to begin to unravel some of that shame and try and work backwards to rediscover our identities and who we want to be.” 😭
May 26, 2025
I actually didn't read this book specifically for the exercises. I've been diagnosed for almost two years now and I'm still learning which parts of me are the mask and which aren't, and it's a real struggle to explain to people things like skill regression, apparent changes in personality, and realizing you have no idea who you are because you've spent your entire life catering to being what others want. I knew I couldn't be the only one who felt this way, but this is the first book that translates how I feel all the time into words other people can hopefully understand. It describes how diagnosis is initially a godsend of sorts, an explanation for all the 'weird' things about you. But then you realize you've been building this shell person around you to protect yourself, and you have to get rid of it to stop yourself from being perpetually burned out. But without it, who are you? What do you like? What are your goals? It's scary, to a degree, to be a middle aged adult and learning you know nothing real about yourself. This book gives you practical advice and exercises to try removing that mask, gradually, and in places where it's safe, and only in places where you feel you need to. It's much more sympathetic to the autistic existence than many autism resources I've read (i.e. resources written by neurotypical people) and it explains so much of the struggle I've been having since my diagnosis. Definitely would recommend regardless, but particularly if you're starting to feel (or always have) that disconnect between your authentic self and how you act around other people.
March 20, 2023
So I gave this 5 stars because objectively, I think this is a fantastic resource with really helpful explanations and exercises. However, subjectively I think I give this 3 stars. Probably because I studied Psychology for like 8 years to phd level I felt that a lot of this book was just too basic for me - I wish the author had elaborated more on the studies she touched on and gone deeper into concepts. But I think for someone without that Psychology background, this book is a fantastic resource. I'm definitely bringing some of the exercises to therapy!
January 29, 2024
The book is clear and straightforward in explaining masking, with lots of helpful references and examples.
I didnt find the exercises helpful, as they're basically CBT tasks and to be honest, I already spend too much time analysing different scenarios that I dont need to do even more of it.
I think I read this at too late a point in my "journey", it'd benefit someone with little to no experience or understanding of autism.
I didnt find the exercises helpful, as they're basically CBT tasks and to be honest, I already spend too much time analysing different scenarios that I dont need to do even more of it.
I think I read this at too late a point in my "journey", it'd benefit someone with little to no experience or understanding of autism.
April 3, 2024
This book was on the list we were given at the end of the autism diagnosis report for our son. It’s the 3rd book I have read on autism and the most helpful so far. I also learned quite a bit about myself as well as lots of things I hope will help our boy.
April 4, 2024
Good for the actual target audience, i.e. non-autistic people with no knowledge on the topic and autistic people at the start of their self-discovery. For anyone deeper in the topic than that, though, it won't be much help and the exercises only extend to CBT tools
September 7, 2023
It's so sad to read about bad experiences that autistic people so frequently face. Not sure how helpful the exercises could be
August 24, 2025
3.5 stars
Taking Off the Mask was an insightful read. Although some of the exercises highlighted in this book felt quite basic, there were some interesting concepts and activities that may prove to be useful.
Taking Off the Mask was an insightful read. Although some of the exercises highlighted in this book felt quite basic, there were some interesting concepts and activities that may prove to be useful.
October 14, 2023
As an autistic person, I am getting more and more interested in my own masking behaviour. This book contains a lot of information about masking and self-compassion, and I was happy to know I’m not the only one who struggles so much with it.
However, as a BSc in Clinical Psychology myself, I am already very familiar with the CBT exercises in the book. It might not hurt to do them again, but I knew a lot what was discussed in this book already from my studies ánd treatment.
Secondly, this book is only readable for autistic people with a high iq or scientific background which might exclude autistic people with a under-average or even average IQ.
However, as a BSc in Clinical Psychology myself, I am already very familiar with the CBT exercises in the book. It might not hurt to do them again, but I knew a lot what was discussed in this book already from my studies ánd treatment.
Secondly, this book is only readable for autistic people with a high iq or scientific background which might exclude autistic people with a under-average or even average IQ.
August 25, 2024
This book was recommended to me in my autism diagnosis last year. I would recommend this book to anyone currently in the process of an autism or ADHD diagnosis. I would also recommend this book to anyone who knows someone with autism or ADHD and truly wants to understand the challenges around masking and camouflaging.
February 6, 2023
A personal and insightful book, full of practical and helpful advice.
As a non-autistic reader, I feel I have a better understanding of my autistic friends and loved ones, and how to support them.
I would highly recommend this to anyone!
As a non-autistic reader, I feel I have a better understanding of my autistic friends and loved ones, and how to support them.
I would highly recommend this to anyone!
March 15, 2023
I thought it’s just gonna tell me things i already know about masking and burnout, but it’s been really helpful.
September 17, 2023
a brilliant guide to identifying ways you are masking and minimising the exhaustion/negative effects of masking.
October 10, 2025
personally, my diagnosis process has been hellish. i’ve been diagnosed as twice exceptional, both as gifted and with asperger’s syndrome.
i’ve always knew something wasn’t quite right but never could put a finger on it and never have i even considered, not even once, that i could be autistic. and the possibility of me being autistic was brought up in a really awful and disgusting way as well by someone close to me. when i told three of my closest (and only) friends about it, kind of jokingly, just to see their reaction, all of them reacted the same way.
“i know you’re joking but you know they’re right, right?”
suddenly it felt like someone dropped a bomb on me.
i didn’t know a lot about autism, only really bigoted and ableist things, i’m not proud to say that. so my heart dropped. i felt ashamed. i felt ridiculous. like everyone could see through me but me. i’m 25 years old. how come no one has ever told me directly to my face about it?
so i searched about it. and everything was making sense. the more i read, the more i cried and felt desperate. i really felt like the world was ending. my therapist was on a leave and only returned the next week, so i would have to put up with a whole week without having anyone to talk to about it. i had the worst panic attack of my life, so for the first time ever i messaged her. i couldn’t take it. i don’t know how to explain it, i have trouble talking about how i feel, but it was like someone was ripping my heart out. the only thing i thought about was how now i know i’m the problem. if that’s true and i’m really autistic, i won’t ever fit in anywhere. the world isn’t made for people like me.
i took some online tests and sent them to one of the friends i mentioned before, one of the only one who’s been kind enough to give a whole explanation to why he thinks i might be autistic, because he knows me ever since we were kids. he sent them to his group of friends (which is quite big, about 15 people). every single one returned neurotypical. my result was the only one neurodivergent. but at this point i was still in denial, so i found another website and took more tests. every single one returned autistic.
that was the worst week of my life. i was grieving, i guess. not for thinking i might be autistic, but for being so late diagnosed. it would have prevented so. much. pain. growing up. i’d know they were bullying me not because i was doing something wrong or being a bad person, because i never figured what i was doing wrong. now i know the only thing i was doing wrong was existing.
now i think differently, and i think maybe it was better this way… maybe i would not know how to handle stuff on my on if i had know before. i don’t know.
in my therapy session, we talked, and from what she heard, my therapist said it was possible i was indeed in the spectrum. in the next session she brought some more tests. i took them. autistic again. so i got to the process of getting the official diagnosis from a neuropsychologist. turns out i’m not only autistic, but gifted as well. that’s why i’ve spent so many years without a diagnosis. i mask really well.
do you know when someone makes you aware to the fact that you’re blinking, and now it is a hassle to do so? ever since i’ve been diagnosed, everyday feels like i’m pretending and everyone is going to find out. then again, i feel like everyone in the room knew about it but me - that would explain all the bullying and ‘trying to fit in but never quite getting it right’ i’ve gone through. it would explain all the silences after i speak, it would explain the weird Oh look i get sometimes after i answer someone.
now it is like i’m suddenly aware of everything i am doing to try to pretend to be like everyone else. things that i did that i thought everyone else were doing as well, such as forcing yourself to hold eye contact so you can appear confident and stuff like that.
i feel like i don’t know who i am anymore, even if i have not changed a tiny bit. i feel suffocated, i feel enraged, i feel lonely. there has not been a day since i’ve been diagnosed that i do not feel sadness, and i guess that’s part of the process. this book has been comforting, and it stood out to me how insanely similar to my own process of diagnosis it was right at the begining of the book.
i want to make my diagnosis process freeing. sometimes it is nice to read books like these and finally understand why you act the way you do. but i still am in the process of grieving who i was before my diagnosis. it has been so hard.
i’ve always knew something wasn’t quite right but never could put a finger on it and never have i even considered, not even once, that i could be autistic. and the possibility of me being autistic was brought up in a really awful and disgusting way as well by someone close to me. when i told three of my closest (and only) friends about it, kind of jokingly, just to see their reaction, all of them reacted the same way.
“i know you’re joking but you know they’re right, right?”
suddenly it felt like someone dropped a bomb on me.
i didn’t know a lot about autism, only really bigoted and ableist things, i’m not proud to say that. so my heart dropped. i felt ashamed. i felt ridiculous. like everyone could see through me but me. i’m 25 years old. how come no one has ever told me directly to my face about it?
so i searched about it. and everything was making sense. the more i read, the more i cried and felt desperate. i really felt like the world was ending. my therapist was on a leave and only returned the next week, so i would have to put up with a whole week without having anyone to talk to about it. i had the worst panic attack of my life, so for the first time ever i messaged her. i couldn’t take it. i don’t know how to explain it, i have trouble talking about how i feel, but it was like someone was ripping my heart out. the only thing i thought about was how now i know i’m the problem. if that’s true and i’m really autistic, i won’t ever fit in anywhere. the world isn’t made for people like me.
i took some online tests and sent them to one of the friends i mentioned before, one of the only one who’s been kind enough to give a whole explanation to why he thinks i might be autistic, because he knows me ever since we were kids. he sent them to his group of friends (which is quite big, about 15 people). every single one returned neurotypical. my result was the only one neurodivergent. but at this point i was still in denial, so i found another website and took more tests. every single one returned autistic.
that was the worst week of my life. i was grieving, i guess. not for thinking i might be autistic, but for being so late diagnosed. it would have prevented so. much. pain. growing up. i’d know they were bullying me not because i was doing something wrong or being a bad person, because i never figured what i was doing wrong. now i know the only thing i was doing wrong was existing.
now i think differently, and i think maybe it was better this way… maybe i would not know how to handle stuff on my on if i had know before. i don’t know.
in my therapy session, we talked, and from what she heard, my therapist said it was possible i was indeed in the spectrum. in the next session she brought some more tests. i took them. autistic again. so i got to the process of getting the official diagnosis from a neuropsychologist. turns out i’m not only autistic, but gifted as well. that’s why i’ve spent so many years without a diagnosis. i mask really well.
do you know when someone makes you aware to the fact that you’re blinking, and now it is a hassle to do so? ever since i’ve been diagnosed, everyday feels like i’m pretending and everyone is going to find out. then again, i feel like everyone in the room knew about it but me - that would explain all the bullying and ‘trying to fit in but never quite getting it right’ i’ve gone through. it would explain all the silences after i speak, it would explain the weird Oh look i get sometimes after i answer someone.
now it is like i’m suddenly aware of everything i am doing to try to pretend to be like everyone else. things that i did that i thought everyone else were doing as well, such as forcing yourself to hold eye contact so you can appear confident and stuff like that.
i feel like i don’t know who i am anymore, even if i have not changed a tiny bit. i feel suffocated, i feel enraged, i feel lonely. there has not been a day since i’ve been diagnosed that i do not feel sadness, and i guess that’s part of the process. this book has been comforting, and it stood out to me how insanely similar to my own process of diagnosis it was right at the begining of the book.
i want to make my diagnosis process freeing. sometimes it is nice to read books like these and finally understand why you act the way you do. but i still am in the process of grieving who i was before my diagnosis. it has been so hard.
June 16, 2025
A great guide for autistic adults on masking, helping to reveal what masking is to you, how it affects your life and to decide what you want or do not want to change about that. It’s very kind and welcoming, not portraying any approach as right or wrong. I loved the structuring, every chapter clearly states what you’re about to learn, then summarizes it at the end. There are lots of practical exercises with clear examples. No confusion, very organized, overall a satisfying, pleasant, autism-friendly (from my point of view) reading experience.
I was tempted to give 4 stars because I’m already familiar with some CBT techniques, so some of the exercises and ideas weren’t that groundbreaking to me. But I believe that this book could be of great help to anyone who’s new to safely analysing their thought & behaviour patterns.
I was tempted to give 4 stars because I’m already familiar with some CBT techniques, so some of the exercises and ideas weren’t that groundbreaking to me. But I believe that this book could be of great help to anyone who’s new to safely analysing their thought & behaviour patterns.
June 20, 2025
This book was very informative. It exposes the hidden effort many autistic people—especially women and late-diagnosed adults—put into “masking” their traits to fit in. Dr. Hannah Belcher, herself autistic, combines personal narrative with psychological insight and practical exercises to explore how masking affects mental health, identity, and relationships.
What sets this book apart is its honesty. It doesn’t just explain masking; it validates the exhaustion and confusion that can come with it. Readers are encouraged to reflect, journal, and gently unpick the ways they might hide their true selves. Whether you’re autistic, questioning, or supporting someone who is, this book offers clarity, empathy, and a roadmap toward self-acceptance.
Highly recommended for anyone navigating autism beyond the stereotypes.
What sets this book apart is its honesty. It doesn’t just explain masking; it validates the exhaustion and confusion that can come with it. Readers are encouraged to reflect, journal, and gently unpick the ways they might hide their true selves. Whether you’re autistic, questioning, or supporting someone who is, this book offers clarity, empathy, and a roadmap toward self-acceptance.
Highly recommended for anyone navigating autism beyond the stereotypes.
September 28, 2025
Could be helpful for some. But as I have already tried CBT in the past (which is what a lot of this is heavily based on) and being a big self reflector and research / self experiments being one of my interests, I didn’t find this book as helpful as I had hoped I would.
Whilst I appreciate the framing in the start of the book that the CBT exercises are more about experimenting with unmasking, I like others have said, already spent a vast amount of time analysing all my social interactions, this felt like more work to add to already stressful situations.
I also spent a lot of lockdown reconnecting with and trying to remember my past hobbies so again this part didn’t apply to me.
As with all these things take what resonates and leave what doesn’t sadly for me this one didn’t hit the mark
Whilst I appreciate the framing in the start of the book that the CBT exercises are more about experimenting with unmasking, I like others have said, already spent a vast amount of time analysing all my social interactions, this felt like more work to add to already stressful situations.
I also spent a lot of lockdown reconnecting with and trying to remember my past hobbies so again this part didn’t apply to me.
As with all these things take what resonates and leave what doesn’t sadly for me this one didn’t hit the mark
January 24, 2024
Méthodique et accessible, ce livre mi-éducatif, mi-cahier d'exercices appliqués donne une bonne vue d'ensemble sur le camouflage autiste. Je ne sais pas trop quel impact il aura sur moi sur le temps long, mais dans tous les cas, j'ai surligné pas mal de passages que j'aurai probablement besoin de relire en temps voulu et pour ça, je suis contente de l'avoir lu au format numérique : il sera toujours accessible rapidement depuis ma liseuse. J'ai apprécié les conclusions de chapitre sous forme de bullet points, pratiques pour y retourner ultérieurement aussi. Enfin, comme beaucoup d'ouvrages scientifiques/académiques, les différents index sont bienvenus.
April 15, 2024
Helpful and insightful
I enjoyed reading this book for helping me start the journey of unmasking. I think it's important to go into reading this book knowing that some of the exercises set may be triggering and not something you're able to do at the time of reading. It's going to be something I revisit as I get more settled into the idea of unmasking and letting my true autistic self go. I would highly recommend this book for late diagnosed autistic adults.
I enjoyed reading this book for helping me start the journey of unmasking. I think it's important to go into reading this book knowing that some of the exercises set may be triggering and not something you're able to do at the time of reading. It's going to be something I revisit as I get more settled into the idea of unmasking and letting my true autistic self go. I would highly recommend this book for late diagnosed autistic adults.
January 6, 2025
I have to be honest, I did not follow the exercises in the book (going into it for me was not about them, I just wanted to read). That being said, a pretty solid book for some autistic people. The first informational part was nice, it's good to finally read these concepts being talked about honestly. That's where it stopped being useful for me, the CBT and mindfulness ideas/concepts/exercises sprinkled throughout this book did not do it for me.
June 8, 2025
May be helpful for some people, particularly younger people, but I found it rather basic - CBT does not work for everyone and for some can make things considerably worse. The author barely skimmed over potential negative consequences of unmasking or perimenopause, where the person may be forcibly unmasked (oestrogen is neuroprotective, so when levels fluctuate or fall it can be impossible to camouflage).
July 20, 2025
4/5 as someone who’s had autism education therapy, cbt and done a lot of work and research on autism/masking, there wasn’t really anything new for me in the book and felt a little repetitive at times.
i do however think this is a great tool for people who aren’t as far in their own journey, or have autistic people in their lives and want to understand them better. it was a nice reminder of some less helpful thought patterns i still need to work on tho!
i do however think this is a great tool for people who aren’t as far in their own journey, or have autistic people in their lives and want to understand them better. it was a nice reminder of some less helpful thought patterns i still need to work on tho!
October 23, 2023
A perfect guide for someone who is struggling to unmask and wants to learn more about ways they can unmask or just more about autism masking in general and how it may be affecting them :)
I will definitely be referring back to this book when I am struggling to unmask or - to try out some of the therapy methods outlined in the book!
I will definitely be referring back to this book when I am struggling to unmask or - to try out some of the therapy methods outlined in the book!
June 11, 2024
Of all the autism-related books I’ve read since my diagnosis, this one feels by far the closest to my own experience. So much of it rang true for me. Beyond the (very applicable and well-presented) strategies and exercises, more than anything I found the general discussion and descriptions of autism and the brutal effects of masking to be the most valuable aspect in this book.
December 16, 2024
This book was amazing, not just because it validated the experiences I have/had as a late diagnosed autistic woman, but also because it validated the therapy/strategies I have previously tried. I would highly recommend this book to all late diagnosed women, but only in conjunction with seeing a therapist or psychologist, as the author recommends.
January 12, 2024
“In my opinion there is no greater feeling than feeling like you are a person who belongs where you are with those around you, no greater feeling still than belonging in that place as your full, true self”.
May 21, 2024
Practical
It is a practical book with exercises. Most of them are based on cognitive behavioral therapy and might not fit for everyone, but generally they should be effective. I found behavior experiments intriguing to try.
It is a practical book with exercises. Most of them are based on cognitive behavioral therapy and might not fit for everyone, but generally they should be effective. I found behavior experiments intriguing to try.
May 26, 2025
This book was good, and definitely was what it said it was going to be. More of a work book and practical guide than a piece of literature. I did learn new things and find the topic very interesting, but maybe not the format I was looking for.
June 2, 2025
"Taking Off the Mask" by Hannah Louise Belcher is an excellent book, one that I wish I had read earlier! I can highly recommend it to all highly-masking autistic adults, and to the people in their lives who want to be able to understand them and support them better!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews