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Validation Is For Parking: How Women Can Beat the Confidence Con
Confidence noun con·fi·dence : when you know who you are, own who you’re not, and choose to embrace all of it
If you had more confidence, what decisions would you make? What risks would you take? What dreams would you chase?
For women, confidence is often associated with doing it all—and doing it perfectly. When I earn that promotion, lose ten pounds, or meet the person of my dreams…then I’ll feel confident. We’ve been bombarded with messaging telling us to be confident, but no one has told us how. Speaker, leadership strategist, and coach Nicole Kalil is changing that.
In Validation Is for Parking, Nicole provides a comprehensive guide for building internal trust and reclaiming confidence, a skill built from the inside out. You’ll learn how to create boundaries, give yourself grace, and overcome the five most common derailers that impede progress and contribute to unhealthy patterns. This is a journey in which there are no shortcuts, but Nicole provides the guidance and support you need to break free from limiting narratives. A book for all women, Validation Is for Parking is an uplifting exploration of the untruths we believe and the internal antidotes that teach us to trust ourselves and become who we’re meant to be.
If you had more confidence, what decisions would you make? What risks would you take? What dreams would you chase?
For women, confidence is often associated with doing it all—and doing it perfectly. When I earn that promotion, lose ten pounds, or meet the person of my dreams…then I’ll feel confident. We’ve been bombarded with messaging telling us to be confident, but no one has told us how. Speaker, leadership strategist, and coach Nicole Kalil is changing that.
In Validation Is for Parking, Nicole provides a comprehensive guide for building internal trust and reclaiming confidence, a skill built from the inside out. You’ll learn how to create boundaries, give yourself grace, and overcome the five most common derailers that impede progress and contribute to unhealthy patterns. This is a journey in which there are no shortcuts, but Nicole provides the guidance and support you need to break free from limiting narratives. A book for all women, Validation Is for Parking is an uplifting exploration of the untruths we believe and the internal antidotes that teach us to trust ourselves and become who we’re meant to be.
210 pages, Paperback
Published October 4, 2022
43 people are currently reading
1257 people want to read
About the author
Nicole Kalil
1 book16 followersI am an in-demand speaker and the dynamic host of the This Is Woman’s Work podcast. Known as the Confidence Sherpa, I reveal how-to strategies that set me apart from other self-help experts. Previously a Fortune 100 C-suite executive, I have helped thousands of women reclaim their confidence so they can live authentically, both personally and professionally. I live with my husband and daughter in Andover, Massachusetts.
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
November 29, 2022
BOOK FOR "ALL WOMEN" WHO NEED HELP IN FINDING THEIR INNER VOICE!
HELL OF A BOOK!!!
Thank you, Goodreads Giveaways, and to the author, Nicole Kalil for this " PHENOMENAL" book.
HELL OF A BOOK!!!
Thank you, Goodreads Giveaways, and to the author, Nicole Kalil for this " PHENOMENAL" book.
October 2, 2022
Well, I'm the author, so let me be up front about that! lol
Here's what I know... I wrote the very best book I could with the knowledge, experience, and information I have. I wrote entirely with the reader in mind. And I was as authentic and honest as I can be. And I know the tactics provided actually work.
This book won't be for everyone. But my hope is there will be many women who, in reading, will connect back to the trust that lives inside them... that many women will choose real, lasting confidence in their lives.
Thank you from the bottom of my cheese-filled, wine-soaked heart to everyone who reads and writes an honest review!
Here's what I know... I wrote the very best book I could with the knowledge, experience, and information I have. I wrote entirely with the reader in mind. And I was as authentic and honest as I can be. And I know the tactics provided actually work.
This book won't be for everyone. But my hope is there will be many women who, in reading, will connect back to the trust that lives inside them... that many women will choose real, lasting confidence in their lives.
Thank you from the bottom of my cheese-filled, wine-soaked heart to everyone who reads and writes an honest review!
October 22, 2022
I feel like I was drinking out of a high-pressure fire hose when reading this book and only soaked ~10%… I look forward to rereading this book and working on my own personal journey towards confidence with the help of this book!
This is not a parenting book, however I couldn’t help myself thinking about my two young daughters constantly throughout this book and the impact that Kalil’s book could have, the younger it reaches young girls. She writes “Often, people ask me how to raise confident kids, and my response is always to be a confident parent. Not to be perfect. Not to have it all figured out.“
I commit to focus on progress, not perfection - reminding myself along the way that “confidence is the trust we have in and for ourselves“!
This is not a parenting book, however I couldn’t help myself thinking about my two young daughters constantly throughout this book and the impact that Kalil’s book could have, the younger it reaches young girls. She writes “Often, people ask me how to raise confident kids, and my response is always to be a confident parent. Not to be perfect. Not to have it all figured out.“
I commit to focus on progress, not perfection - reminding myself along the way that “confidence is the trust we have in and for ourselves“!
June 1, 2024
I liked the book. It’s a quick read about building confidence in yourself and overcoming perfectionism, imposter syndrome and overthinking. Some of the book is a bit cheap, but as someone who had struggled with perfectionism and overthinking, some of the tools in the book were very useful.
The author Kalil argues thatconfidence actually means trust and that confidence is knowing who you are, owning who you are not and choosing to embrace all of it. To not base your confidence on what other people think of you, confidence is internal, not external. She points out that we as women are more likely to harm ourselves than men from our lack of confidence; men apparently are likely to apply for a job if the meet 60% of the qualifications whilst women only apply when they meet 100%.
I liked the section on perfectionism and how it’s the enemy of confidence. When you pursue perfectionism you end up avoiding risk and having imposter syndrome. You need to make mistakes, feel pain, put yourself out there and get rejected in order to build confidence. To avoid perfectionism and overthinking she advices to seek the “40-70 Rule”, know at least 40% and max 70% of the information in order to make a decision. Overthinking is a problem because it leads to inaction. People regret way more the things they didn’t do than the things they did. The antidote to overthinking is action.
I liked Kalil’s exercise “Things I Know To Be True About Myself At This Point in Time” to give yourself a confidence boost and the exercise “Processing Failure”.
When you’re confident and trust yourself you’ll be more likely to go after and achieve whatever goal you desire. You will take the risk, have the conversation and chase the dreams.
The author Kalil argues thatconfidence actually means trust and that confidence is knowing who you are, owning who you are not and choosing to embrace all of it. To not base your confidence on what other people think of you, confidence is internal, not external. She points out that we as women are more likely to harm ourselves than men from our lack of confidence; men apparently are likely to apply for a job if the meet 60% of the qualifications whilst women only apply when they meet 100%.
I liked the section on perfectionism and how it’s the enemy of confidence. When you pursue perfectionism you end up avoiding risk and having imposter syndrome. You need to make mistakes, feel pain, put yourself out there and get rejected in order to build confidence. To avoid perfectionism and overthinking she advices to seek the “40-70 Rule”, know at least 40% and max 70% of the information in order to make a decision. Overthinking is a problem because it leads to inaction. People regret way more the things they didn’t do than the things they did. The antidote to overthinking is action.
I liked Kalil’s exercise “Things I Know To Be True About Myself At This Point in Time” to give yourself a confidence boost and the exercise “Processing Failure”.
When you’re confident and trust yourself you’ll be more likely to go after and achieve whatever goal you desire. You will take the risk, have the conversation and chase the dreams.
February 20, 2024
While this book was written for women, I believe it would be beneficial for everyone. A lot of great points that make you self reflect in the best ways.
March 29, 2024
Enjoyed this book a lot. Some great practical tips.
November 8, 2023
This book is spot on! I enjoyed the read and will definitely use the tools Kalil proposed to develop and maintain confidence.
December 5, 2022
Easily digestible, relatable, and humorous. If you have that voice of self doubt in your head, I recommend this — if anything just to see your confidence concerns with actionable recommendations to resolve them down on paper. 4.5 out of 5 stars. The author does come from a position of privilege and addresses that there are many subcategories to explore when it comes to confidence — surrounding cultural, racial, and economical influences (among others) — that she doesn't address.
The end of the book particularly pumped me up, as I found her final list of recommendations to be very real and doable. She also brought light to how some of my own habits are self-sabotaging and making my confidence worse instead of better.
Perhaps a book for a different author — I do wish we could get more of an angle on WHY we women are constantly being told to be more confident. Is it possibly okay to navigate parts of life... without it? Is there something to be learned there? Sometimes confidence feels like such a catch up game to the male standard (which I know she dives into with confidence vs. competence (and how they aren't the same)). Just some thinky thoughts as I was reading this.
The end of the book particularly pumped me up, as I found her final list of recommendations to be very real and doable. She also brought light to how some of my own habits are self-sabotaging and making my confidence worse instead of better.
Perhaps a book for a different author — I do wish we could get more of an angle on WHY we women are constantly being told to be more confident. Is it possibly okay to navigate parts of life... without it? Is there something to be learned there? Sometimes confidence feels like such a catch up game to the male standard (which I know she dives into with confidence vs. competence (and how they aren't the same)). Just some thinky thoughts as I was reading this.
June 25, 2023
I am a huge fan of Nicole's podcast "This is Woman's Work" and (as of a month ago) of her as a person. I reached out to her (fully expecting her not to respond), and not only did she answer my email with kindness and grace, but she also offered her support to me as a new author.
This woman is the real deal.
Of course, I bought her book (who doesn't need to hear we don't need validation for every single thing we do??), and I couldn't have been happier with my purchase.
Nicole's personality shines through the pages like a beam of light. I have read many of these books, and they can often feel as though the other is talking "at" you. Validation Is For Parking is the opposite of that. Reading this book felt like a private conversation with Nicole. One that had wine and cheese and "realness".
Thank you, Nicole, not just for being one of the nicest women in the business but also for writing a book that I could relate to a million per cent.
This woman is the real deal.
Of course, I bought her book (who doesn't need to hear we don't need validation for every single thing we do??), and I couldn't have been happier with my purchase.
Nicole's personality shines through the pages like a beam of light. I have read many of these books, and they can often feel as though the other is talking "at" you. Validation Is For Parking is the opposite of that. Reading this book felt like a private conversation with Nicole. One that had wine and cheese and "realness".
Thank you, Nicole, not just for being one of the nicest women in the business but also for writing a book that I could relate to a million per cent.
October 25, 2022
I’ve read quite a few books in the “self-help” genre and this is one of the best. Ms. Kalil is right on the nose with examining how our confidence as women is so easily derailed, and she offers constructive, practical advice for how to regain our own trust. She speaks plainly yet digs deep into simple concepts that seem so obvious, but had not occurred to me before. She offers wit and applicable anecdotes which make it fun to read, but not to the point of gimmick. Best of all she conveys her message in a concise and efficient way, not belaboring the point or repeating the same thing over and over as so many of these books do. I feel more confident in myself just having read it and have come out of it with clear, easy ways to build my confidence daily.
June 11, 2023
I had read quotes from Validation is For Parking but hadn't actually gotten around to reading the book myself for the past few months. I read it while on vacation - it was a quick read with lots of gems! I can’t even count how many times I was nodding my head in absolute agreement and found the footnotes so funny + relatable. It was a fantastic read - thank you to Nicole for sharing your knowledge with the world!!
October 7, 2022
MUST read and gift to all of your girl friends.
The best combination of what confidence is, what it isn’t, what can get in the way and immediately implementable steps to get you into action and on your journey to choosing confidence. Nicole is THE confidence Sherpa and I am so grateful for her sharing all that she’s learned. 11/10 recommend for you and everyone you love.
The best combination of what confidence is, what it isn’t, what can get in the way and immediately implementable steps to get you into action and on your journey to choosing confidence. Nicole is THE confidence Sherpa and I am so grateful for her sharing all that she’s learned. 11/10 recommend for you and everyone you love.
October 13, 2022
This is one of the most helpful and insightful books I've read all year. There are so many amazing takeaways that I started practicing instantly. I'm already excited to re-read it when I need an extra source of motivation and *gentle* reminder of giving myself grace.
This is a master class in confidence. HIGHLY recommend :)
This is a master class in confidence. HIGHLY recommend :)
July 14, 2023
It probably didn't teach me anything I didn't already know, but it was a helpful reminder of some of the ways we - and especially women - are conditioned to think, feel, and operate in the world. There were some helpful tips and strategies for overcoming some of the pitfalls that come with seeking confidence.
May 4, 2023
This book is a must read for any woman who ever struggles with confidence or who is interested in helping woman build their confidence. It is relatable, hilarious and real. The book is very easy to read and gives meaningful advice on how to take action towards more confidence. Highly recommend!
January 31, 2024
Find your confidence in this book! You have it, just give yourself the pep talk the author gives you here.
Read
July 10, 2024Some great takeaways. Listened to the audio via her podcast. I'd recommend!
Read
February 20, 2025I read a bit, skimmed a bit, then decided this isn't for me.
April 4, 2025
Easy to read, relatable and with a message that is so relevant to women and girls!!! Empowering and beautifully written.
July 15, 2025
For those of us who want to be validated - here's a book on developing a healthy level of confidence.
February 13, 2024
For years I’ve been looking for someone to not only tell me how to choose confidence, but more importantly, help me understand what confidence really is.
And if you’ve been searching for the same, look no further than Validation is for Parking.
There’s something about Nicole’s style of writing that feels like she’s pulling my own words from the murky depths of my soul. Is that dramatic…? Maybe… but I’m telling you, she speaks a truth about confidence that my inner knowing also knows to be true.
And although her book offers strategies and tactics, she’s not glorifying a one-size-fits-all, all-your-confidence-problems-will-be-solved-forever solution.
Like many meaningful things in life, confidence is a practice, and this message is echoed throughout the book.
And if you’ve been searching for the same, look no further than Validation is for Parking.
There’s something about Nicole’s style of writing that feels like she’s pulling my own words from the murky depths of my soul. Is that dramatic…? Maybe… but I’m telling you, she speaks a truth about confidence that my inner knowing also knows to be true.
And although her book offers strategies and tactics, she’s not glorifying a one-size-fits-all, all-your-confidence-problems-will-be-solved-forever solution.
Like many meaningful things in life, confidence is a practice, and this message is echoed throughout the book.
March 28, 2023
First half of the book really had some good nuggets, but towards the end it got very repetitive.
The asterisk notes throughout the book killed me - Nicole is 100% an 8 on the enneagram and as a fellow 8, we'd be friends!
The asterisk notes throughout the book killed me - Nicole is 100% an 8 on the enneagram and as a fellow 8, we'd be friends!
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews