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311 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 22, 2023

Doyle had pulled back his sunglasses to rest atop his head—pyrite eyes far too bright—and he stared at Larkin like there was no one, absolutely no one, he’d rather be in love with.
“My facial grammar might be limited,” Larkin said, “my voice might be monotone, and my words might not be very romantic… but your touch is summer mornings and cool sheets and gooseflesh and the ticking of my wristwatch and—and peace.” 😮💨
“I love you,” Larkin said again. “I should have told you last night. I should have told you every night.” Doyle stepped close, his thighs pressed to Larkin’s knees from where he still sat on the stool. His eyes were wet, and the muscles in his neck were tense. Doyle cleared his throat before saying, “I feel like I’ve waited forty years to hear someone say that.” He took Larkin’s face into his hands, affectionately rubbing his smooth jawline. “And I’m so glad it was you.”
ARE YOU ACTUALLY TRYING TO KILL ME 😭😭😭


🔖Larkin marveled at the way Doyle was able to claim space without being overbearing. It was more like... his soul grew roots, his smile relaxed, his beauty unfurled.
Everywhere he went.
🔖"My facial grammar might be limited," Larkin said, "my voice might be monotone, and my words might not be very romantic... but your touch is summer morings and cool sheets and gooseflesh and the ticking of my wristwatch and —and peace."
🔖His body was awake, a masterpiece of color— sunflowers bursting from the decay of dandelions, light catching the cut of raw pyrite, brighter and warmer than any campfire, blood pumping in veins thought atrophied, thicker than the innocence of first love could ever hope to be—all of this, just like Wednesday, April 1, at 4:56 p.m., when Doyle had kissed Larkin and made him feel alive again.
🔖Doyle crossed his arms and stated, "For the record, if I ever do something wrong in the future, please remember the night I willingly stood in a dark room, in my underwear, no less, listening to you talk about spiders and ants when you know I hate bugs."
🔖"I love you," Larkin said again. I should have told you last night. I should have told you every night."
"I feel like I've waited forty years to hear someone say that." He took Larkin's face into his hands, affectionately rubbing his smooth jawline. "And I'm so glad it was you."
Larkin murmured, "There's a sense of partnership with you that I've never felt with anyone else—not Noah, not Patrick. And it's not that you make me whole. It's that you make me better. You remind me that I'm alive. I want to be those things for you too."
Doyle unexpectedly burst into tears. He leaned down, kissed Larkin, and said against his lips, "I love you. I love you SO much." Another kiss. "Since the day we met—I knew I was in love."
Larkin thumbed away tears from Doyle's face.
Larkin said, "French novelist, André Gide, utilized the term 'mise en abyme' in his literary theories and criticisms.
It translates to 'placed into abyss,' but Gide was exploring the concept of fictional sequences similar in subject or theme to the work which encloses it—think Hamlet's play within a play.
Hamlet hires a troupe of players to recreate a story of murder and betrayal closely resembling what he knows to have occurred between his uncle and father, as a means of proving his uncle's guilt, seen in the king's response: Give me some light.
However, we can take the 'mise en abyme' concept to a second degree, that of infinite duplication, and this is where Edgar Allan Poe's 'The Fall ofthe House of Usher' is a primary example of a narrative connected to a subnarrative, connected to a subnarrative, so on and so forth. Poe manages this infinite loop by having both Roderick Usher and our unnamed narrator employ multiple storytelling techniques within the unfolding story that resemble the current gloom and ghastly fate the title already promises. And Poe's exploration of duality goes beyond using 'mise en abyme' in this manner, as it's revealed that Roderick and Madeline Usher are twins and their simultaneous deaths bring about the end of their family line—the house of Usher while the literal home— the house collapses upon their untimely deaths.
"The sender has been operating under the guise of 'mise en abyme': a murder within murder. Duality within duality," Larkin explained.


He longed for the night just then, those seconds of reprieve that haunted the dark, that he searched out, chased down on midnight drives.