The Microstress Effect: How Little Things Pile Up and Create Big Problems - and What to Do about It

by Rob Cross, Karen Dillon

How a million little things are dragging you down, and what to do about it.

There is a force in our everyday lives that we aren't even aware of—and it's so powerful it threatens to derail otherwise promising careers and lives: microstress.

It's the hidden epidemic of small moments of anxiety that infiltrate both our
work and personal lives. Because each individual microstress is so small, it doesn't trigger the normal stress response in our brains to help us deal with it. Instead, the microstress just embeds in our minds, accumulating along with scores of other microstresses, day-to-day and week-to-week. The long-term effect is devastating: microstress invisibly weighs us down, damages our physical and emotional health, and contributes to a decline in our overall well-being. What's more, microstress is baked into our lives. The source of microstress is seldom a classic antagonist, such as a demanding client or jerk boss. Instead, it comes from the people—in and out of work—with whom we are closest: our friends, family, and colleagues.

The good news is that once you learn about microstress, you can fight back. Drawing on fresh research, Rob Cross and Karen Dillon will teach you how to recognize and manage the most common forms of microstress, and even remove some from your life. Compelling interviews with high achievers who've endured their share of microstress bring to life best practices that show you how to build resilience against microstress, and ultimately how to find purpose in your everyday life, using it as an antidote to your own microstress.

It's time to break free from the microstress that's stealing your life. Start here.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Psychology, Business, Personal Development, Mental Health

293 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 18, 2023

Reviews

[Charmin · Rating 3 out of 5]

HIGHLIGHTS:
1. ACCUMULTATIVE IMPACT:
- small doses of micro-stress build-up.

2. CAPACITY-DRAINING:
- series of small misalignments.
- Consequences of spillover.
- Address small slip-ups early. Offer help and direction.
- Write down surges and demands.

3. PEOPLE DRAIN ENERGY:
- Employee who overdoses on emails.
- Under-performing employees
- over-protecting behavior that adds stress to others.
- Be transparent about limits. Give roles and responsibilities.
- Shut down work at the end of the day.
- create alignment in advance.
- Focus on what you can control.
- be aware of the impact of 2nd-hand stress.

4. IDENTITY:
- Invisible pile-up that challenges identity.
- The feeling of being trapped.
- identify core values and the threats to them. Identify forces pulling you away from core values.
- Being too focused can cut out what will balance you.
- Revitalize network of non-work friends.

5. HABITS:
- Weave healthy activities throughout the day (eg walking meetings, yoga before work with a friend).

6. OVER-STRUCTURED LIFE:
- Don’t have an overly structured life.
- Leave room for margin.
- Let friends know you will be at a new restaurant, anyone who can make it can show up (vs. trying to schedule a dinner date with/ a friend).

[Mr Henriquez · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's quite an interesting book and it has some intriguing insights, but I don't feel like the book lacks some applicable tips and tricks for a non-corporate setting. I like the recommendations for corporate settings and meetings, and I'll definitely try a few.

Eventually, the authors give recommendations for out-of-work life, but some are very obvious. This is not a bad thing particularly, and it could be very good to be reminded of those through this book; just don't expect anything very new or extremely revolutionary.

Some of the stronger things to take from the book are that work can be fun but don't forget about your own life, and that you should do the things that made you happy before. I found the following recommendation extremely useful: make sure people leave meetings on the same page: does everyone know and understand what they have to do or what they are responsible for?

The book properly defines microstress and points out that microstresses add up to something larger. The solutions aren't revolutionary, but it's a nice reminder that the smaller issues we tend to forget can give us more stress than we realise.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this a helpful and practical book, on the whole. The approach is very much that of a business/self-help book, both in positive and negative ways. The positive ways include providing tools to help you put the advice to work in your own life. I also like how concrete and realistic the authors are in the stories they tell and conclusions they draw from them. The main negative is that there's some repetitiveness, so I found myself skimming a fair amount. All in all, I'd recommend the book, especially to anyone working full-time. I wish I'd had this book to read back when I was a workaholic, losing track of myself and the rest of life, and surely creating stress for those around me (not on purpose, but that doesn't matter) and magnifying the stress of others as well (again, not on purpose). Even if the message feels less urgent than it might if I were still building or maintaining a career, I can still see that microstresses pop up here there and everywhere (as the book makes clear), and given my personality, I can easily get overwhelmed by them. So I'm glad I read the book, and plan to pay more attention to this concept and the book's guidance on what to do about it.

[Weekend Reader_ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book started off so strong or at least practical but after chapter 4 it went downhill and a little preachy. In my mind, the case here is to understand how we normalize microstressors. Why would you recommend ways to be productive? Ok so if I squint and ignore that part I can't forgive the remote work slander. And I'm sorry you can't couch resilience when you're in a toxic work or home environment. My recommendation read the first 4 chapters and journal the coaching break and maybe skim the rest 🤷🏾‍♀️

What a shame?

This should have been an e-arc review but I didn't download prior to it being archived. Whoopsie.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

the first 100 pages are great at improving how you think about stress at work, the second 100 pages are summarized by "have friends, be nice to them, talk to them, do nice things for others"

[Christian · Rating 3 out of 5]

The framework was helpful to think through and oddly just a couple chapters will probably stick with me more than entire books do. The detailed breakdown of their 14 proposed microstresses wasn’t entirely helpful and often too vague to be translated into real life. I actually believe if you read a couple chapters, you’ll learn enough to witness the effects of microstresses in your life and decide the right course for solving them on your own; the solutions are common sense.

[Sierra · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had such a hard time getting into this book, and I’ll take the blame for picking it up when I don’t work in a corporate setting. I had hoped it would be able to be more widely applied (which it can) but there were sooo many interviews that all hinged on corporate employees. I could’ve skipped the first four chapters and been fine. Honestly the only chapter I actually enjoyed was chapter five where it talked about the “the percenters” and what they’re doing right. That’s what I was hoping to read about the entire time! I know what my problems are; that’s why I picked up a book about microstress. I found the coaching breaks disruptive as they fell in the middle of not only chapters but sentences. There were redeemable qualities (I enjoyed the little tips and tricks and having lingo to use when talking about microstress) but overall I feel like I wasn’t the target demographic.

[Matt Cambridge · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn’t really enjoy most of this book - generally finding the recommendations to feel too “cookie cutter” and general, common-sense practices. However, I kept finding myself referencing it when talking to my wife and friends. The idea that we can get rid of stress, rather than managing it, is interesting and felt new. I loved the concept of inviting a bunch of people to come join you somewhere and seeing who comes - rather than painstakingly trying to coordinate schedules with a specific group of people. Social connections as an antidote to stress, indeed.

[Chris Bauer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well researched and well written. "The Microstress Effect" by Rob Cross is about the cumulative mental damage which small discrete amounts of stress can add on a daily basis. Over time, these stresses can create bigger problems.

Written with a prescriptive and sympathetic tone, the book does offer some practical guidance on minimizing the impact of these stressors.

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

The 56% I listened to was good but as I’m already presently feeling overwhelmed and stressed by my professional job, this content—while very relevant— re-triggers the anxiety in spaces I don’t want. In a future time in my life, I want to finish.

[Heather Jackson (Riddle) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Personally didn’t get a lot out of this book. I imagined it would be about tackling those unexpected or unseen microstressor people encounter and it just fell short for me. I think this book would be more for managers to think of altering the room environment more than anyone else.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listening to this one week during work after I had TWO panic attacks back to back helped me pinpoint why I was feeling so stressed at work despite not having THAAAT much work To Do. It also helped me come to the conclusion that I should quit my job :) would rec for those who are high achievers, workaholics, enneatype 3’s, or work in the corporate space!

[Jacqueline Babb · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book outlines three types of micro stressors: capacity, emotional reserves, and identity. I found that I’m much more impacted by emotional reserves than the other two. This is helpful information for me to think about how to reduce that type of stress.

This book works well if you have a typical corporate job, 2.5 kids, and a church group. The authors would have benefited from being more diverse in their recommendations and samples. It was off putting to be constantly told to go to church to reduce my stress.

[Ry Anderson]

The first half was so heavy with corporate work environment examples that I mentally checked out for the rest, unfortunately.

[Alana Gueutal · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly, this book is probably great for people with stressful, corporate jobs. I was hoping for more discussion on micro stresses in personal lives. It gave good, very specific information to corporate workers, but I finished the book wondering how to help the rest of us. Hopefully they’ll address that in a new book.

[Nina · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is so BASIC. ;)
Small things can cause lasting stress effects, so don't let them bother you so much!
Ok, that's not exactly it, but I guess I was just expecting something a little different.

[Jordan Walker · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. This book only convinced me that my entire life is stressful including trying to make myself finish this book.

[David Baer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m gonna deliver a harsh star-rating because, while I actually listened to the whole thing, I found the ratio of meaning to semantic content to be quite low. I would have liked a more thorough elaboration of the concept of “microstress” (as opposed to, say, plain ol’ stress), perhaps with examples, and perhaps with a chapter on how microstress (as opposed to plain ol’ stress) affects one’s physiology.

When they used “family relocation to a faraway city” as an example of “microstress,” I felt they had totally jumped the shark, as it were. Surely, if anything is an example of plain ol’ stress, that would be one.

So really, the only reason to coin the term “microstress” is to provide an excuse for a book title. Then to prattle on with entirely genre-typical business-speak, drawing upon their experience with interviewing a slew of identified corporate “high performers.” These people are forever experiencing stress while defending “their teams,” or trying to find ways to help “their teams” be effective and find true happiness.

It's not like the situations they describe are not real: I recognize many of the “microstress” situations, from one or the other side of the manager / managed divide. The subtle political stress of non-support for initiatives. The stress of doing your subordinate’s work because they are not doing it the way you imagined. The unfairness of a boss who desires a “mini-me” and has no reflective capacity to appreciate that there might be other ways. Feeling trapped by past personal decisions and the current expectations and needs of others. Voila.

But, as usual for such books, the solutions are pegged to an unrealistic milieu where you can, say, schedule a meeting with your unreasonable boss and rationally agree on a small number of top priorities. Voila! Reduction of microstress. Or plain ol’ stress. Thanks, burbly business book!

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm so grateful to have found a professional development reading list on Libby (although it has since turned over).

This book validated my feelings of holding onto too many little things and letting the overall weight sour my mood at work. I love the pushpins on the cover. I explained this book as holding a handful of pushpins - over time, they might get heavy and they will most likely poke (and start to hurt). There are times when you need to drop some and also be mindful not to add your pushpins to other people's boards.

I was happy about the inclusion of prefacing some conversations with "Do you want to be helped or do you want to be heard?" This will help center the conversation for the person listening, as well as give you boundaries to stay within. I tend to spiral and/or talk in circles when I get upset, so this is a good reminder for me as well.

I listened to the audiobook, but I might recommend checking out the print version since they included a lot of graphs, charts, and worksheet activities.

[Evan Þ. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I know "microstresses" all too well.  Seemingly tiny stresses - like anticipating an awkward conversation - can linger throughout the day or longer and poison my day.  And, the accumulated poison of microstresses can push me away from things that would be rich and rewarding if I leaned into them.  Cross and Dillon have given me a word for them, and reassured me that I'm nowhere near the only person who's fallen into them.

What more have they given?  Well, beyond that it's much of the standard advice book, focused here on career advice.  Their tips generally aren't memorable, except when they're general.  But some of their general advice is worth pondering:  their explicit urging to rearrange your life to reduce microstresses, and to make sure your life reflects the sort of person you want to be.  Despite the large amount of cruft, I'm still glad I read the book for what is good in it. 

[Mischa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well done book, the authors know what they are talking about, and I had a personal experience with a few of the mentioned issues also. However, I think the book would do better not to act like every work problem is caused by miscommunication or similar issue- the authors mention some microstresses cannot be easily solved, sure, but they do not go deeper into that. It felt a bit flat then, as if the authors thought like every work problem is just miscommunication - which just is not true. Obviously they cannot help too much regarding microstresses caused by these situations like bosses being mean on purpose, or coworkers making life hell on purpose, but I still feel like it would have been nice to at least acknowledge these situations more and TRY to at least suggest ways to bring the microstress level down - not act like it doesn't exist.

[Marcey Rader · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a productivity coaching, consulting, and training company owner, I saw my clients in almost all of these scenarios. Experiencing tiny moments of stress that they easily discount but don't realize how much they build up to create chronic problems - mental, physical, or emotional health. I experienced this in my 30s, when I triggered Hashimoto's Disease, induced hypothalamic menopause, and had a mental breakdown.

This book is a comprehensive book rotating between stories, how microstressors are affecting you, and how to overcome them or tactics to put into place to decrease them.

I recommend this to any high-achiever, perfectionist, or burned-out professional who thinks their habit of 'pushing through' will come to an end or without ramifications.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually audiobooked this one, but the audiobook edition hasn't been added yet on Goodreads, and I'm too lazy to do it myself. There were lots of great tips and suggestions in here - even for someone like me (no important job title, hyperstress at work, busy commute, husband, children, identity crisis, value crisis, etc.). I get too easily flustered over little things, even though I inexplicably handle catastrophes pretty well. I want to work on overreacting to dumb things, causing less microstress for others, and being more committed to physical health. I've let too many microstresses interfere with dedication to physical well-being and hope to use the tips in this book to start - at least to make a small start.

[Amy Chaston · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this because she was one of the co-authors of How to measure you life- my favorite business book ever. This book did not have such a huge impact on me. And I didn't hold onto every word. But it did have really good points. Also, you can read the summary at the very beginning of each chapter and get what you need to know. So good book, but I wouldn't read it super closely, just read the summaries at the beginning and a bit more to really understand it. It will have some good techniques to manage the micro stresses every day. Plus, ut also helps articulate that microstresses are real and they do add up. That was probably the most beneficial for me. BUT if you want to read a book that will change your life - How Will You Measure Your Life. Soooo good.

[Jessica Brusven · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book had some really eye opening examples of how multiple things that may seem small, add up to something larger. I loved the narrative component of real life stories that helped illustrate how micro stresses impact an individual. There was significant research included and other thoughtful examples.

My only critique is that lack of intersectionality. This felt like a book written for upper middle class individuals and didn’t address stresses like poverty, racism, sexism, etc, etc. It included helpful advice for the elements of life we can control, but lacked depth on societal issues that deeply impact many.

[Dave · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. The authors define and provide texture to the idea of Microstress - a term I had not used or heard so frequently before. They discuss Microstress, it's effects and how to manage or cope. The ideas they share are simple, often times cited solutions. They give ample examples. My big takeaway - we are all dealing with more than work. Life is hard. Everyone is just barely holding it together. This book normalizes the immense stress of our always-on work culture and tries to find solutions to common work/life balance issues.

[Dominika Gray · Rating 2 out of 5]

Though this book provided some interesting insights it was geared towards microstress in the corporate lense. My work environment doesn’t have many employees but I will be able to take some of the suggestions and apply them to my workplace.

Overall, I wish the book had focused on microstress in a general sense and how to improve it for yourself personally and not just through the lenses of work.

[Robert · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first became aware of The Microstress Effect through an article in Harvard Business Review. The concept immediately grabbed my attention. I have experienced several episodes of burnout in my personal and professional life. There was no one trigger I could point to in all of them. Instead it was death by a million paper cuts. The Microstress Effect finally gives me a framework to understand and plan to deal with these stressors.

After reading this book, it becomes clear how prevalent microstressors are in my life - and I am willing to bet you will have the same ah-ha moment. I also began to see how I was, unwillingly, contributing to microstress in other people. I have changed some of my behaviors to minimize the effect on myself and others. Even where I am unable to eliminate microstress, it feels like just being aware of it makes it more manageable.

My other big insight is the role of our social networks in managing microstress. I used to be part of a walking group that meets twice weekly. I got away from that and in the process lost a couple of hours of exercise, but even more importantly the camaraderie of those in the group. Cross uses similar examples in the book. I walked away committed to reconnecting with these groups and finding ways to broaden my social networks in the future.

You owe it to yourself to read this book. If you are feeling overwhelmed, this book will help you navigate the stress. If not, this book will help you proactively manage microstressors before it reaches that point.

[Daniel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was like reading a dictionary because it's a reference book to go to when you need solutions for stressful solutions at work (and is valuable for that!). But it's not a book you'll enjoy reading cover to cover because there are an overwhelming amount of potential solutions and exercises with only the most cliche and vague examples to illustrate points (e.g., "Gabe is a tech leader that has a big presentation to give to an executive team...ZZzzz).

[Roberto Yanguas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book with a strong first few chapters. Insightful to identify very specific sources of “annoying” stress that pile up, with advise (sometimes more actionable than others) on how to tackle them.

As other people mentioned already, after Chapter 5 it goes downhill, with what it seems a very limited approached to topics such as resilience and purpose.

Still a worth reading.