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Defiant Dreams: The Journey of an Afghan Girl Who Risked Everything for Education
A searing, deeply personal memoir of a tenacious Afghan girl who educated herself behind closed doors and fought her way to a new life.
"Stories like this inspire me. Seeing the way people like Sola Mahfouz think about the world reinforces my optimism about the future."―BILL GATES
Sola Mahfouz was born in Afghanistan in 1996. That same year, the Taliban took over her country for the first time. They banned television and photographs, presided over brutal public executions, and turned the clock backwards on women's rights, practically imprisoning women within their own homes and forcing them to wear all-concealing burqas. At age eleven, Sola was forced to stop attending school after a group of men threatened to throw acid in her face if she continued. After that she was confined to her home, required to cook and clean and prepare for an arranged marriage. She saw the outside world only a handful of times each year.
As time passed, Sola began to understand that she was condemned to the same existence as millions of women in Afghanistan. Her future was empty. The rest of her life would be controlled entirely by men, fathers and husbands and sons who would never allow her to study, to earn money, or even to dream.
Driven by this devastating realization, Sola began a years-long fight to change the trajectory of her life. She decided that education would be her way out. At age sixteen, without even a basic ability to add or subtract, she began secretly to teach herself math and English. She progressed rapidly, and within just two years she was already studying topics such as philosophy and physics. Faced with obstacles at every turn, Sola still managed to sneak into Pakistan to take the SAT. In 2016, she escaped to the United States, where she is now a quantum computing researcher at Tufts University.
An engrossing, dramatic memoir, co-written with young Indian American human rights activist Malaina Kapoor, Defiant Dreams is the story of one girl, but it's also the untold story of a generation of women brimming with potential and longing for freedom.
"Stories like this inspire me. Seeing the way people like Sola Mahfouz think about the world reinforces my optimism about the future."―BILL GATES
Sola Mahfouz was born in Afghanistan in 1996. That same year, the Taliban took over her country for the first time. They banned television and photographs, presided over brutal public executions, and turned the clock backwards on women's rights, practically imprisoning women within their own homes and forcing them to wear all-concealing burqas. At age eleven, Sola was forced to stop attending school after a group of men threatened to throw acid in her face if she continued. After that she was confined to her home, required to cook and clean and prepare for an arranged marriage. She saw the outside world only a handful of times each year.
As time passed, Sola began to understand that she was condemned to the same existence as millions of women in Afghanistan. Her future was empty. The rest of her life would be controlled entirely by men, fathers and husbands and sons who would never allow her to study, to earn money, or even to dream.
Driven by this devastating realization, Sola began a years-long fight to change the trajectory of her life. She decided that education would be her way out. At age sixteen, without even a basic ability to add or subtract, she began secretly to teach herself math and English. She progressed rapidly, and within just two years she was already studying topics such as philosophy and physics. Faced with obstacles at every turn, Sola still managed to sneak into Pakistan to take the SAT. In 2016, she escaped to the United States, where she is now a quantum computing researcher at Tufts University.
An engrossing, dramatic memoir, co-written with young Indian American human rights activist Malaina Kapoor, Defiant Dreams is the story of one girl, but it's also the untold story of a generation of women brimming with potential and longing for freedom.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published June 1, 2023
112 people are currently reading
8234 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 148 reviews
September 8, 2025
Well-written, informative, upsetting, and inspiring. A wonderful memoir.
June 9, 2023
This book was everything to me. I was educated, heartbroken, inspired, upset, and emotional when reading this. This book takes us on a journey into Sola's life with the history of her parents and growing up instability-ridden in Afghanistan. I'm so glad that she gave the background into the state of Afghanistan when her parents were growing up and how the climate shifted when she was born.
This book shows how war changes people and how it hinders Sola and Afghan girls' ability to get an education. We see her emotional/mental state and how she filled that void at home, and how her family inspired these changes. It was so inspirational to see this young lady find ways to educate herself despite all the barriers in her way. The ending broke my heart for Moor, and it was quite emotional.
Reading this book reminded me of my privilege and how I was lucky to grow up in a society with parents that put a lot of effort into girls' and women's education and how different my life would be if I weren't afforded that privilege. I will never take that for granted especially because it wasn't always like that in my country. I am now even more inspired and motivated to push and advocate for education for all girls and women because not everyone will have the same story and opportunity that Sola had. I would recommend this book to middle and high schoolers and everyone else.
Many thanks to Random House Publishing Group-Ballantine for this arc for an honest review.
This book shows how war changes people and how it hinders Sola and Afghan girls' ability to get an education. We see her emotional/mental state and how she filled that void at home, and how her family inspired these changes. It was so inspirational to see this young lady find ways to educate herself despite all the barriers in her way. The ending broke my heart for Moor, and it was quite emotional.
Reading this book reminded me of my privilege and how I was lucky to grow up in a society with parents that put a lot of effort into girls' and women's education and how different my life would be if I weren't afforded that privilege. I will never take that for granted especially because it wasn't always like that in my country. I am now even more inspired and motivated to push and advocate for education for all girls and women because not everyone will have the same story and opportunity that Sola had. I would recommend this book to middle and high schoolers and everyone else.
Many thanks to Random House Publishing Group-Ballantine for this arc for an honest review.
July 22, 2024
Defiant Dreams took me by surprise, Sola Mahfouz describes with beauty the horror and injustice that comes with growing up as a woman in Kandahar Afghanistan.
At 11 being told by the Taliban she must quit school or they will throw acid in her face is just one element of what it is like to exist as a women in Afghanistan under brutal control of Islam.
To just be born as a woman is to be viewed as inferior, never to be given an opportunity let alone respected.
The writing style of Sola (of which she learned English entirely by herself) is playful in the horror she describes. Painting a vivid image of life beyond my comprehension.
When I picked up this book I didn’t expect to have tears rolling down my face throughout it. I am deeply touched by this book and will be thinking about it for a long time.
At 11 being told by the Taliban she must quit school or they will throw acid in her face is just one element of what it is like to exist as a women in Afghanistan under brutal control of Islam.
To just be born as a woman is to be viewed as inferior, never to be given an opportunity let alone respected.
The writing style of Sola (of which she learned English entirely by herself) is playful in the horror she describes. Painting a vivid image of life beyond my comprehension.
When I picked up this book I didn’t expect to have tears rolling down my face throughout it. I am deeply touched by this book and will be thinking about it for a long time.
August 29, 2023
Triumphant story filled with heartbreaking news along the way. Sola’s life has left me speechless.
“As I drifted off to sleep at night, I thought, “what if I become a person with no world of my own, no place to turn to?”
“As I drifted off to sleep at night, I thought, “what if I become a person with no world of my own, no place to turn to?”
April 30, 2025
4.5/5
Wow, what an incredible person Sola Mahfouz is. She has a level of bravery and determination that I will never have but I think more importantly a level that I will never need.
I feel on one hand so fortunate to live in the world that feels so alien to one described by Sola and on the other hand so sad to know that that world is so many women’s reality.
I’m not someone who has a huge knowledge of Afghanistan aside from the headline restrictions, troubles and horror you see in the news. This book really makes the ordinary people of the country feel so relatable and human and that makes her story so much more intense. A fantastic journey
Wow, what an incredible person Sola Mahfouz is. She has a level of bravery and determination that I will never have but I think more importantly a level that I will never need.
I feel on one hand so fortunate to live in the world that feels so alien to one described by Sola and on the other hand so sad to know that that world is so many women’s reality.
I’m not someone who has a huge knowledge of Afghanistan aside from the headline restrictions, troubles and horror you see in the news. This book really makes the ordinary people of the country feel so relatable and human and that makes her story so much more intense. A fantastic journey
March 25, 2023
Wow! Sola’s life story is beautiful, inspiring, and heartbreaking all at the same time. What a powerful memoir! Sola’s life journey is so unlike most of ours who have grown up in western countries where education is freely accessible. Malaina’s descriptions of Sola’s struggles with the political climate in Afghanistan, family and cultural pressures, and the fight to access education will stay with me for a long time. Sola’s story makes me want to help others who are going through this same struggle in today’s world. I highly recommend this memoir!
April 26, 2025
This memoir is not only inspiring but also a heartbreaking read.
Sola's determination, her journey is not only about the education rights of Afghan women, it highlights the basic human rights that has been denied.
I like her style of writing, she lightens the mood of a grave situation. Amazing, how she self taught herself. I highly recommend reading this memoir.
Sola's determination, her journey is not only about the education rights of Afghan women, it highlights the basic human rights that has been denied.
I like her style of writing, she lightens the mood of a grave situation. Amazing, how she self taught herself. I highly recommend reading this memoir.
November 3, 2023
An amazing journey of an young Afghan woman who fought for her education and rights beyond the constraints of her background.
October 11, 2025
Well-written and informative.
August 21, 2023
Very inspiring and splendidly written memoir! Sola's incredible journey in quest of education is absolutely mind blowing.
I highly recommend this book.
I highly recommend this book.
August 9, 2023
Interesting story of Sola, a young girl determined to lift herself out of the repressive and oppressive Taliban grip.
Born in 1996, I enjoyed learning about this young girl’s early memories of growing up in a loving family and how they dealt with the restrictions imposed by the regime.
This memoir spanned Sola’s childhood in the 1990s to present day.What a difficult choice she faced, to leave Afghanistan with a one way visa, never to be allowed back home, or follow the opportunities and way of life offered by moving to the United States.
As the story neared present day, I was startled that commentary was inserted referring to President Trump as a racist. I was so disappointed. One of the reasons I read is to get away from today’s political climate where political banter is inserted into the news, mini series, movies and commercials. To be honest, that one fleeting comment, unimportant to the story at hand, ruined the book for me. I question if that was an opinion inserted by the co-author rather than Sola herself as it did not seem to fit w Sola’s demeanor as described throughout the story. Difficult to imagine Sola had a disparaging opinion of the person that was the President of the United States at time of her migration to this country. This does not add up.
An interesting story that for me, serves as a vivid reminder of how fortunate I am to be who I am, where I am, at the time I am. Life is good.
Born in 1996, I enjoyed learning about this young girl’s early memories of growing up in a loving family and how they dealt with the restrictions imposed by the regime.
This memoir spanned Sola’s childhood in the 1990s to present day.What a difficult choice she faced, to leave Afghanistan with a one way visa, never to be allowed back home, or follow the opportunities and way of life offered by moving to the United States.
As the story neared present day, I was startled that commentary was inserted referring to President Trump as a racist. I was so disappointed. One of the reasons I read is to get away from today’s political climate where political banter is inserted into the news, mini series, movies and commercials. To be honest, that one fleeting comment, unimportant to the story at hand, ruined the book for me. I question if that was an opinion inserted by the co-author rather than Sola herself as it did not seem to fit w Sola’s demeanor as described throughout the story. Difficult to imagine Sola had a disparaging opinion of the person that was the President of the United States at time of her migration to this country. This does not add up.
An interesting story that for me, serves as a vivid reminder of how fortunate I am to be who I am, where I am, at the time I am. Life is good.
September 21, 2023
Reminds me of “Educated”, but an Idaho girl getting into Cambridge and escaping her abusive family is small beans compared to Sola attempting to escape an entire country and culture built on the self-destructing abuse and enslavement of women, all while the Taliban rains down hellish warfare. “Afghanistan is a pain I’ll never be able to disentangle from,” and by electing Biden we caused that unforgivable pain too.
August 21, 2023
Honestly, this book came into my life at just the right moment, reminding me to remain patient with the tedious work I do because it can help real people who deserve it. I found this book both emotionally and intellectually interesting and am thrilled Sola is now in the US accomplishing her dreams.
Read
August 6, 2024An objectively impressive story.
December 28, 2024
Powerful memoir. Five stars because this is one that will stick with me. I learned so much about how hard it is to be a woman in Afghanistan. As author Sola Mahfouz shared, it was difficult to describe her life outside of Kandahar to her family because they had no point of reference. I felt the same way reading about her life in Afghanistan. At times, I shook my head in disbelief, gasped in horror, or shed tears of pain. Mahfouz knew from the time she was a young girl that she wanted a different life than the one she would be forced into in Kandahar. At just 11 years old, she had to quit going to school because men threatened to throw acid in her face if she continued. She decided to pursue an education secretly within her own home with the hope of escaping Afghanistan. She talks about how terrified she was when President Trump announced plans to remove US troops from Afghanistan. She then breathed a sigh of relief when President Biden was elected because she felt hopeful. However, he doubled-down on Trump’s plans and removed the US troops secretly overnight which allowed the Taliban to take control of her home country. Many innocent people were murdered and she feared for her family’s safety. From there, things would happen that changed her life forever. She is incredibly brave and I’m grateful that she shared her story.
October 10, 2023
I listened to this book primarily while driving myself back and forth to my job, a thing which felt like a small miracle in light of how hard Sola Mahfouz had to fight for any measure of independence, education, and respect. This book is a bittersweet memoir of her struggles, triumphs, and complex relationship with her homeland. The background information on the recent political history of Afghanistan offered valuable context, and her personal quest to educate herself as a way to expand her world was powerful and moving—though what she has to give up in the process is heartbreaking. While Sola does succeed on so many fronts, the book never paints her life as having a "happily every after" in which everything is fine and all of her problems are now over, because this is real life. Things are complicated. I appreciated her story, and I would recommend this book to anyone interested in human rights or the stories of Afghan women.
November 28, 2023
“Except to attend weddings, I hadn’t left the house at all in almost a decade.”
“I cannot believe this!” I suddenly heard. A man had stormed inside the shop and was screaming at the owner. “How can a sandwich take twenty minutes?? This sucks!” I didn’t immediately understand what the word sucks meant, but I could clearly see how furious the customer was. In Afghanistan, my family stayed calm through bombings and gunfire. How, I wondered, could this man be losing his mind over a sandwich?”
“I cannot believe this!” I suddenly heard. A man had stormed inside the shop and was screaming at the owner. “How can a sandwich take twenty minutes?? This sucks!” I didn’t immediately understand what the word sucks meant, but I could clearly see how furious the customer was. In Afghanistan, my family stayed calm through bombings and gunfire. How, I wondered, could this man be losing his mind over a sandwich?”
May 23, 2023
This is a great written, inspirational story. It would have been easy for Sola to stay where she was and follow the traditions of her country, but she was bold, motivated and determined to be the person she wanted to be. Of course the history of her country of Afghanistan and the events occurring during her lifetime are a large part of her story. That part is interesting too. Especially getting a small glimpse of one persons view of the US involvement. Inspirational and informative.
Thanks to Penguin Random House and Goodreads for my copy.
January 10, 2025
Such an incredible story of grit and tenacity. Sola’s story is inspiring and heartbreaking simultaneously. The perseverance she has shown throughout her life makes one feel as though anything is possible. The plight of Afghans in Afghanistan is a somber one.
Sola had an indomitable spirit and an energy that is contagious. She is reflective and curious.
I’m certain we will hear more from this author.
Sola had an indomitable spirit and an energy that is contagious. She is reflective and curious.
I’m certain we will hear more from this author.
December 5, 2025
I thought that this book was incredibly well written and satisfying to read in the sense of its organization. I personally give it a five out of five stars rating because I believe that it is an incredibly impactful, important, and educational book. Sola is a very strong woman and courageously shares her story through her memoir. This book revealed to me a lot of issues going on in other countries such as Afghanistan and also the role that America played in it. Defiant Dreams is something I think everyone should read because I think it will change some peoples perspective and thoughts on some general social issues. This book is also very eye opening to the privilege that those who live in a first world country have. Overall, this novel was an amazing read and I will definitely be searching for more books like this one.
May 2, 2025
A woman in book club heard the author speak at Harvard and recommended we read her book. Her story is amazing and inspiring, but also breaks your heart for what life in Afghanistan is like for women and girls.
August 4, 2023
I had the privilege to meet both the authors at a book talk. This book is truly one of the best ones I have read this year. From the descriptive writing to the stories, you get transported to Sola’s life as a ambitious young woman in Afghanistan. This is a success story that deserves recognition. 5/5 stars!
April 3, 2024
Saw the authors promoting their new book on the news and I really did not know too much about Afghanistan or the Taliban rule, so decided to check it out. The storytelling was very captivating and I felt like I was a part of the scenes. Not an easy read though because it gave me a glimpse into the harsh reality of a women’s life in this country and that was tough to picture. The last few chapters were especially emotional as you realize everything that Sola helplessly dealt with from thousands of miles away. And as they paint the picture of 2024 Afghanistan, it’s pretty frightening. After reading, I am just grateful for the basic freedoms I have always had like going out for a walk alone, choosing who I marry , going to school etc.
December 19, 2023
Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
I am at a loss for words having just finished Defiant Dreams. To say this book touched me would be a gross understatement.
This book is so beautifully written. I was cheering for Sola and crying when things seemed dire.
This is an incredible story of one girl fighting against expectations to define the life she wanted to live. Her courage beams off the page with inspiration. My heart ached with her disappointments and trials, and I felt her conflicting feelings.
This will be one of the best books I will have read for a long time.
I am at a loss for words having just finished Defiant Dreams. To say this book touched me would be a gross understatement.
This book is so beautifully written. I was cheering for Sola and crying when things seemed dire.
This is an incredible story of one girl fighting against expectations to define the life she wanted to live. Her courage beams off the page with inspiration. My heart ached with her disappointments and trials, and I felt her conflicting feelings.
This will be one of the best books I will have read for a long time.
August 17, 2023
From unschooled Afghan girl to quantum computing researcher at Tufts University, Sola Mahfouz defied the odds by self-educating herself and never giving up in her determination to live more than a life of uneducated subservience. An inspiring and moving book.
August 31, 2024
Such a great book. The author is truly inspiring and her story is just amazing. As an educator it really hit.
September 1, 2023
I just finished this book with tears streaming down my face. This is a story that the world needs to know.
I was a high school student in California when the 9/11 terrorists attacks happened. Before then, I don't think I had any concept of Afghanistan. I learned more about the country from snippets of news coverage as the war in Afghanistan played out. But it was nonetheless a place foreign and distant to me.
After reading this book, my understanding of Afghanistan—and the tragic life circumstances of many women there—feels much more human and real. Sola Mahfouz's spent her childhood and teenage years living with her family through the brutality and tragedy of what has happened in her home country over the last 25 years. Her determination to overcome the incredible obstacles that barred her from education and freedom is inspiring!
This is one of the best books I've ever read.
I was a high school student in California when the 9/11 terrorists attacks happened. Before then, I don't think I had any concept of Afghanistan. I learned more about the country from snippets of news coverage as the war in Afghanistan played out. But it was nonetheless a place foreign and distant to me.
After reading this book, my understanding of Afghanistan—and the tragic life circumstances of many women there—feels much more human and real. Sola Mahfouz's spent her childhood and teenage years living with her family through the brutality and tragedy of what has happened in her home country over the last 25 years. Her determination to overcome the incredible obstacles that barred her from education and freedom is inspiring!
This is one of the best books I've ever read.
March 9, 2024
I came across the book’s advertisement in the APS’s Physics Today magazine, and being an Afghan physicist, I ordered the book right away.
As the title suggests, the book describes the extremely hard journey of Sola (pseudonym), an Afghan girl from Kandahar, towards education and a free life. The story is very motivating, and the book is written in a nice narrative that summarizes the recent history of Afghanistan. It covers her parents’ childhood when Afghanistan was a monarchy under Zahir Shah and the many coup d’états that happened. It delves into the wars with the Soviet Union and the rise of Islamic jihad in Afghanistan, the prolonged civil wars, and life under the Taliban regime. The U.S. invasion and the establishment of a new government until their withdrawal in 2021 are also explored.
Some of the earlier events, particularly those involving her parents, resonated with me, as I had heard similar stories from my own parents who witnessed them firsthand. For example, my father was on a bus in Kabul going to school when Daoud’s coup happened in 1973. Reading Sola’s memoirs felt personal, as it connected with the experiences and stories shared within my own family. The more recent events (over the last 25 years) were events I had been following closely, despite being born in Iran and not residing in Afghanistan. As a refugee, my life was always entangled with the incidents in Afghanistan.
Even though I had a general understanding of the situation in Afghanistan through communication with relatives there, Sola’s account shed light on many specific details of life in Kandahar, a region distinct from Kabul where my relatives are living. She highlights these differences, particularly when she describes her visit to the U.S. embassy in Kabul.
There are a couple of sad observations from her memoirs that I could not handle due to the absurdity. For instance, the story she tells about the first English teacher she had in her youth in Kandahar. The teacher was born in Canada to Afghan parents and grew up there, yet her parents were so cruel as to send her back to marry a man 18 years older than their daughter in Afghanistan. How could someone treat their own daughter this way? Even after living in a country like Canada, they remained the same people. I can somewhat understand this happening in an environment where everyone does it, but not when someone is born in Canada. This scenario points to a significant failure in integration policies, where the social pressures from relatives in Afghanistan appear to outweigh the values and opportunities provided by the new society. Even if there are parents making such unimaginable choices, I believe it should not be allowed to happen to a girl born in a place like Canada, who most probably went through a free country education system as well. There ought to be awareness and structures for vulnerable people to report and fight back. The story is devastating. She mentions a similar story when she visits one of her relatives in New York, which is happening right now and is a current issue. It is not possible for me to believe that there are people right now imprisoning their wives and daughters in places such as New York!
Another point that caught my attention was that she never mentions help from her father. It’s always her mother, “Moor” as she calls, that accompanies her. It’s perplexing to note that Sola’s father always had a strong desire to stay in Kandahar, even under the partial rule of the Taliban. The reason is not very clear to me. The question also puzzles Sola, as she mentions a couple of times in the book. I cannot think of a business that could not be moved to another city in Afghanistan, somewhere with more freedom or at least safer. Despite being financially secure, as it sounds, and having the means to send the boys for education to private schools and even abroad, he chooses to stay in Kandahar. This opens up space for speculation that the father was also a supporter of Taliban ideas, despite being educated. However, in comparison to relatives, he was relatively open-minded. This did not prevent Sola from going to the U.S., as she quotes her father’s cousin in New York telling her, “I don’t understand how your father let you come alone to the United States. I would rather die than send my daughter alone to a new country.” But at the end of the book, the only time her father decides to leave Afghanistan is when the Taliban regains power after U.S. troops leave the country. This suggests that even individuals who might support some of the Taliban’s ideas are fleeing their government.
It’s important to note that these events largely occurred during the 20 years when the U.S.-backed government held power in Afghanistan until 2021. During this time, the media was relatively free compared to countries like Iran. I was hopeful that this freedom and the spread of internet connection could change the situation in Afghanistan. However, reading about the accounts I mentioned above, it seems that a majority of men in Afghanistan are not tolerant of women’s freedom and right to live as a human. Setting aside the freedom of media, they maintain the same attitude even in free countries, as Sola describes her relatives. This is distressing! It’s worth noting that she describes how they watched “Afghan Star,” a singing competition featuring numerous female singers, yet they exhibited cruelty toward women in real life. I couldn’t reconcile the situation described in Kandahar with what I saw on Afghan TV, which showcased empowered women, including female reporters, hosts, singers, and even a few politicians. Perhaps if the U.S. had remained for another 20 years, the new generation, like Sola’s nephew Hamid, might have undergone transformation and grown up with a view of women as equals. However, with the U.S. withdrawal, everything has regressed to the state it was before the invasion. Regrettably, the U.S. concluded that it had failed to alter the situation there and couldn’t allocate further resources to combat the Taliban. Maybe this is a valid conclusion, and it is the women in Afghanistan who must assert their rights independently; otherwise, improvement may remain elusive even with foreign intervention. Propaganda that Americans or the West aim to corrupt women will persist, and deeply religious segments of Afghanistan will most probably succumb to such beliefs, feeling compelled to oppose it. However, if the women within Afghanistan collectively reach the realization that they’ve had enough, a transformation may be possible. Nevertheless, this struggle is marked by fear and violence. Even Sola advises her nephew not to talk about women’s rights and freedom. After the Taliban’s takeover, there have been many protests by women, but unfortunately, they have all been suppressed by the Taliban. Activists have been imprisoned, and violent punishments will follow people who raise their voices.
The similar situation is now ongoing in Iran. The Zan, Zendegi, Azadi movement (or as some call it, revolution) is the result of women standing up and shouting out loud that they have had enough. The situation of women in Iran is far better than in Afghanistan; however, the same kind of extremism and view of women is present in Iran as well. Many believe that this is mostly because of the Islamic Republic regime; however, I think the cultural and religious beliefs of the society are the main problems that support the oppression of women. Sola’s book amazingly shows this deep cultural problem. Fathers, similar to Sola’s father, and brothers, such as her brothers, do not see women as equal, capable, free, human, and this is a main reason why regimes like the Taliban or the Islamic Republic can continue to thrive, in my opinion.
People like Sola had the courage to have a dream and fight for it. However, Sola is fortunate enough to succeed, but there are countless others that fail. Although I have never lived in Afghanistan, except for a 10-day visit to Kabul and a 3-day stay in Herat to get Afghan identification in 2012, my life has always been affected by it and its developments.
In the end, I have to say that I am very happy for Sola that she could overcome this fight and find a way to a free life. I know how hard it is to fight for recognition and against being ignored all the time, as growing up as an Afghan refugee exposed me to numerous discriminations and struggles. However, I was lucky enough not to live under constant suicide bombings and airstrikes. I enjoyed reading her memories and recommend reading this inspiring story to everyone. At the same time, I have to say that I feel very sad about the situation that is getting worse and worse in Afghanistan every day, especially for women, and wish they can also become free and have a decent life, being able to dream and reach their dreams.
As the title suggests, the book describes the extremely hard journey of Sola (pseudonym), an Afghan girl from Kandahar, towards education and a free life. The story is very motivating, and the book is written in a nice narrative that summarizes the recent history of Afghanistan. It covers her parents’ childhood when Afghanistan was a monarchy under Zahir Shah and the many coup d’états that happened. It delves into the wars with the Soviet Union and the rise of Islamic jihad in Afghanistan, the prolonged civil wars, and life under the Taliban regime. The U.S. invasion and the establishment of a new government until their withdrawal in 2021 are also explored.
Some of the earlier events, particularly those involving her parents, resonated with me, as I had heard similar stories from my own parents who witnessed them firsthand. For example, my father was on a bus in Kabul going to school when Daoud’s coup happened in 1973. Reading Sola’s memoirs felt personal, as it connected with the experiences and stories shared within my own family. The more recent events (over the last 25 years) were events I had been following closely, despite being born in Iran and not residing in Afghanistan. As a refugee, my life was always entangled with the incidents in Afghanistan.
Even though I had a general understanding of the situation in Afghanistan through communication with relatives there, Sola’s account shed light on many specific details of life in Kandahar, a region distinct from Kabul where my relatives are living. She highlights these differences, particularly when she describes her visit to the U.S. embassy in Kabul.
There are a couple of sad observations from her memoirs that I could not handle due to the absurdity. For instance, the story she tells about the first English teacher she had in her youth in Kandahar. The teacher was born in Canada to Afghan parents and grew up there, yet her parents were so cruel as to send her back to marry a man 18 years older than their daughter in Afghanistan. How could someone treat their own daughter this way? Even after living in a country like Canada, they remained the same people. I can somewhat understand this happening in an environment where everyone does it, but not when someone is born in Canada. This scenario points to a significant failure in integration policies, where the social pressures from relatives in Afghanistan appear to outweigh the values and opportunities provided by the new society. Even if there are parents making such unimaginable choices, I believe it should not be allowed to happen to a girl born in a place like Canada, who most probably went through a free country education system as well. There ought to be awareness and structures for vulnerable people to report and fight back. The story is devastating. She mentions a similar story when she visits one of her relatives in New York, which is happening right now and is a current issue. It is not possible for me to believe that there are people right now imprisoning their wives and daughters in places such as New York!
Another point that caught my attention was that she never mentions help from her father. It’s always her mother, “Moor” as she calls, that accompanies her. It’s perplexing to note that Sola’s father always had a strong desire to stay in Kandahar, even under the partial rule of the Taliban. The reason is not very clear to me. The question also puzzles Sola, as she mentions a couple of times in the book. I cannot think of a business that could not be moved to another city in Afghanistan, somewhere with more freedom or at least safer. Despite being financially secure, as it sounds, and having the means to send the boys for education to private schools and even abroad, he chooses to stay in Kandahar. This opens up space for speculation that the father was also a supporter of Taliban ideas, despite being educated. However, in comparison to relatives, he was relatively open-minded. This did not prevent Sola from going to the U.S., as she quotes her father’s cousin in New York telling her, “I don’t understand how your father let you come alone to the United States. I would rather die than send my daughter alone to a new country.” But at the end of the book, the only time her father decides to leave Afghanistan is when the Taliban regains power after U.S. troops leave the country. This suggests that even individuals who might support some of the Taliban’s ideas are fleeing their government.
It’s important to note that these events largely occurred during the 20 years when the U.S.-backed government held power in Afghanistan until 2021. During this time, the media was relatively free compared to countries like Iran. I was hopeful that this freedom and the spread of internet connection could change the situation in Afghanistan. However, reading about the accounts I mentioned above, it seems that a majority of men in Afghanistan are not tolerant of women’s freedom and right to live as a human. Setting aside the freedom of media, they maintain the same attitude even in free countries, as Sola describes her relatives. This is distressing! It’s worth noting that she describes how they watched “Afghan Star,” a singing competition featuring numerous female singers, yet they exhibited cruelty toward women in real life. I couldn’t reconcile the situation described in Kandahar with what I saw on Afghan TV, which showcased empowered women, including female reporters, hosts, singers, and even a few politicians. Perhaps if the U.S. had remained for another 20 years, the new generation, like Sola’s nephew Hamid, might have undergone transformation and grown up with a view of women as equals. However, with the U.S. withdrawal, everything has regressed to the state it was before the invasion. Regrettably, the U.S. concluded that it had failed to alter the situation there and couldn’t allocate further resources to combat the Taliban. Maybe this is a valid conclusion, and it is the women in Afghanistan who must assert their rights independently; otherwise, improvement may remain elusive even with foreign intervention. Propaganda that Americans or the West aim to corrupt women will persist, and deeply religious segments of Afghanistan will most probably succumb to such beliefs, feeling compelled to oppose it. However, if the women within Afghanistan collectively reach the realization that they’ve had enough, a transformation may be possible. Nevertheless, this struggle is marked by fear and violence. Even Sola advises her nephew not to talk about women’s rights and freedom. After the Taliban’s takeover, there have been many protests by women, but unfortunately, they have all been suppressed by the Taliban. Activists have been imprisoned, and violent punishments will follow people who raise their voices.
The similar situation is now ongoing in Iran. The Zan, Zendegi, Azadi movement (or as some call it, revolution) is the result of women standing up and shouting out loud that they have had enough. The situation of women in Iran is far better than in Afghanistan; however, the same kind of extremism and view of women is present in Iran as well. Many believe that this is mostly because of the Islamic Republic regime; however, I think the cultural and religious beliefs of the society are the main problems that support the oppression of women. Sola’s book amazingly shows this deep cultural problem. Fathers, similar to Sola’s father, and brothers, such as her brothers, do not see women as equal, capable, free, human, and this is a main reason why regimes like the Taliban or the Islamic Republic can continue to thrive, in my opinion.
People like Sola had the courage to have a dream and fight for it. However, Sola is fortunate enough to succeed, but there are countless others that fail. Although I have never lived in Afghanistan, except for a 10-day visit to Kabul and a 3-day stay in Herat to get Afghan identification in 2012, my life has always been affected by it and its developments.
In the end, I have to say that I am very happy for Sola that she could overcome this fight and find a way to a free life. I know how hard it is to fight for recognition and against being ignored all the time, as growing up as an Afghan refugee exposed me to numerous discriminations and struggles. However, I was lucky enough not to live under constant suicide bombings and airstrikes. I enjoyed reading her memories and recommend reading this inspiring story to everyone. At the same time, I have to say that I feel very sad about the situation that is getting worse and worse in Afghanistan every day, especially for women, and wish they can also become free and have a decent life, being able to dream and reach their dreams.
November 22, 2023
This book has moved me to tears. This is a simple and honest memoir of an Afghan girl who against all odds, pursued education on her own and escaped Afghan. *Spoiler below"
The story was told in a matter-of-fact tone but it brought heaviness to my heart. I learned a few things reading this book:
1. Choosing between modernism and tradition is not an easy task for a Middle Eastern country. Depending on who is in charge of the country, the people are either too modernized which angered the traditionalists, or too traditional which oppressed the women and the forward thinkers.
2. While the border to Pakistan was open and flights were available, getting out of the country was hard. For one, the money one earned in Afghanistan was not enough to sustain a normal education in a Western country without help. Secondly, women were restricted from travelling freely unless they were accompanied by men.
3. Women lived in the shadows of men in Afghanistan. Men were in charge of the household, the mental space and the physical space. Without men's approval, women couldn't get out of the house, make decisions or even shop. A grown woman in Afghanistan without her father, brother or husband would starve to death.
4. The bureaucracy of Western education is a huge barrier to less fortunate people elsewhere. All universities require proof that the students have completed Grade 12, which could be done in the form of SAT or other tests. However, these tests were not available in some countries such as Afghanistan. This meant in order for a girl to take the test, she had to first convince her father to let her take the exam, then find a man to take her to Pakistan, before that, she must obtain a passport with the help of a male and register the exams. Then after all this, she could be rejected for a U.S. visa. All of this could only have happened if she had studied English and other subjects independently because public schools were not open to girls in Afghanistan.
5. Afghanistan was a war zone, suicide bombers, gunshots and flights were happening every day. One couldn't give a simple answer to whether the presence of American troops in the region was good. There were good influences such as the Americans supporting the Afghan government to fight against the Taliban, they helped keep the borders open and flights running, and they made sure the schools were open even though most of the teachers had fled. At the same time, they were also killing civilians when suspecting they were Taliban. War was not black and white. When the American troops left, Afghanistan fell into the hands of the Taliban again. Curfew were implemented. Women had to wear heavy covering again. Boarders were closed. Fears came back.
I am glad I read this book and I hope other people will too. I found myself painting a clearer background of everyday Afghan life. I also understood better how it was never simple on the topics of religion, culture and ideology. In an old country such as Afghanistan, you could not hastily replace their belief system with a Western ideology. It wouldn't work. It was as if you chopped down an entire forest because there were too many forest fires. The land would crumble down and animals would die.
I really loved how the author helped me see how complicated the situation is. While she hated how restricted women were in Afghanistan, she felt very uncomfortable with the party scene in the American university. She loved America, but she also missed the Afghan food back home. While she hated her father for restricting the family in less modernized Kandahar, she loved her family.
The story was told in a matter-of-fact tone but it brought heaviness to my heart. I learned a few things reading this book:
1. Choosing between modernism and tradition is not an easy task for a Middle Eastern country. Depending on who is in charge of the country, the people are either too modernized which angered the traditionalists, or too traditional which oppressed the women and the forward thinkers.
2. While the border to Pakistan was open and flights were available, getting out of the country was hard. For one, the money one earned in Afghanistan was not enough to sustain a normal education in a Western country without help. Secondly, women were restricted from travelling freely unless they were accompanied by men.
3. Women lived in the shadows of men in Afghanistan. Men were in charge of the household, the mental space and the physical space. Without men's approval, women couldn't get out of the house, make decisions or even shop. A grown woman in Afghanistan without her father, brother or husband would starve to death.
4. The bureaucracy of Western education is a huge barrier to less fortunate people elsewhere. All universities require proof that the students have completed Grade 12, which could be done in the form of SAT or other tests. However, these tests were not available in some countries such as Afghanistan. This meant in order for a girl to take the test, she had to first convince her father to let her take the exam, then find a man to take her to Pakistan, before that, she must obtain a passport with the help of a male and register the exams. Then after all this, she could be rejected for a U.S. visa. All of this could only have happened if she had studied English and other subjects independently because public schools were not open to girls in Afghanistan.
5. Afghanistan was a war zone, suicide bombers, gunshots and flights were happening every day. One couldn't give a simple answer to whether the presence of American troops in the region was good. There were good influences such as the Americans supporting the Afghan government to fight against the Taliban, they helped keep the borders open and flights running, and they made sure the schools were open even though most of the teachers had fled. At the same time, they were also killing civilians when suspecting they were Taliban. War was not black and white. When the American troops left, Afghanistan fell into the hands of the Taliban again. Curfew were implemented. Women had to wear heavy covering again. Boarders were closed. Fears came back.
I am glad I read this book and I hope other people will too. I found myself painting a clearer background of everyday Afghan life. I also understood better how it was never simple on the topics of religion, culture and ideology. In an old country such as Afghanistan, you could not hastily replace their belief system with a Western ideology. It wouldn't work. It was as if you chopped down an entire forest because there were too many forest fires. The land would crumble down and animals would die.
I really loved how the author helped me see how complicated the situation is. While she hated how restricted women were in Afghanistan, she felt very uncomfortable with the party scene in the American university. She loved America, but she also missed the Afghan food back home. While she hated her father for restricting the family in less modernized Kandahar, she loved her family.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 11, 2023
This inspiring memoir is one I will never forget. Sola Mahfouz grew up in war-torn Afghanistan, in a highly repressive society in which the lives of women were severely constrained. Unable to leave the house unless accompanied by a male relative, their world was limited to the inside of their homes, where they were forced to serve the men of the household without question. Female children were treated like animals, beloved pets perhaps, but without rights and only valued for their service to men. After puberty, there was intense pressure to marry a man chosen solely for the benefit of the family. Once married, a woman would move into her husband’s family’s house and have even fewer rights, at that point serving as a drudge to the whims of her husband’s family.
This was the bleak future that Mahfouz, with dread, saw rapidly approaching as she entered her teens. Denied local schooling, and desperate to escape this dreary existence, Mahfouz launched a project to educate herself with the hope that she might one day get a scholarship to college and escape to another country.
Despite her exceptional intelligence and iron-willed drive, this goal was unlikely to come to fruition without help. The powers at play in the society were just too strong. Fortunately, a variety of factors worked in her favor as well. Her mother had gone to university during a brief period of more liberal political rule, and some other older relatives were also educated, which led them to tolerate her push to become educated. One sister, married and living in England, was able to send her a laptop. This, with new access to the Internet, opened up opportunities for her that eventually led to a scholarship to a U.S. university and, after graduating, a prestigious and soul-satisfying career. Unfortunately, the only visa she could obtain after receiving her scholarship offer was one that would ban her from ever returning to Afghanistan. She gave up everything to follow her dreams.
It was wonderful to read of her success against unimaginable odds, but also heartbreaking to think of the many women like her trapped in this disheartening situation who do not have advantages that might allow them to follow in Mahfouz’s footsteps. Although I knew intellectually of the apartheid against women in Afghanistan, this book made it real to me and deepened my sadness for the suffering of so many women and the wasted talents of their restrictive lives.
This was the bleak future that Mahfouz, with dread, saw rapidly approaching as she entered her teens. Denied local schooling, and desperate to escape this dreary existence, Mahfouz launched a project to educate herself with the hope that she might one day get a scholarship to college and escape to another country.
Despite her exceptional intelligence and iron-willed drive, this goal was unlikely to come to fruition without help. The powers at play in the society were just too strong. Fortunately, a variety of factors worked in her favor as well. Her mother had gone to university during a brief period of more liberal political rule, and some other older relatives were also educated, which led them to tolerate her push to become educated. One sister, married and living in England, was able to send her a laptop. This, with new access to the Internet, opened up opportunities for her that eventually led to a scholarship to a U.S. university and, after graduating, a prestigious and soul-satisfying career. Unfortunately, the only visa she could obtain after receiving her scholarship offer was one that would ban her from ever returning to Afghanistan. She gave up everything to follow her dreams.
It was wonderful to read of her success against unimaginable odds, but also heartbreaking to think of the many women like her trapped in this disheartening situation who do not have advantages that might allow them to follow in Mahfouz’s footsteps. Although I knew intellectually of the apartheid against women in Afghanistan, this book made it real to me and deepened my sadness for the suffering of so many women and the wasted talents of their restrictive lives.
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