Marry Me a Little: A Graphic Memoir

by Robert Kirby (Illustrator)

Marriage doesn’t define a relationship. Unless you want it to.

In Marry Me a Little, Rob Kirby recounts his experience of marrying his longtime partner, John, just after same-sex marriage was legalized in Minnesota in 2013, two years before the Supreme Court decision in Obergefell v. Hodges made same-sex marriage the law of the land. This is a personal story—about Rob’s ambivalence (if not antipathy) toward the institution of marriage, his loving relationship with John, and the life that they share together—set against the historical and political backdrop of shifting attitudes toward LGBTQ+ rights and marriage. With humor, candor, and a near-whimsical drawing style, Rob relates how he and John navigated this changing landscape, how they planned and celebrated their wedding, and how they and others in the LGBTQ+ community are now facing the very real possibility of setbacks to marriage equality.

Heartwarming, honest, and slyly humorous, Marry Me a Little is a wonderfully illustrated celebration of a romantic partnership between two men and a personal account of a momentous and historic moment in the fight for LGBTQ+ rights.

Genres: Graphic Novels, LGBT, Memoir, Comics, Nonfiction, Queer, Adult

112 pages, Paperback

First published February 22, 2023

About the author

Rob Kirby's solo books include Curbside and Curbside Boys. His anthologies include two volumes of The Book of Boy Trouble; 3 issues of the Ignatz-nominated series THREE; the Ignatz Award-winning QU33R; What's Your Sign, Girl?, & The Shirley Jackson Project. His graphic memoir, Marry Me a Little, is now available from Graphic Mundi/PSU Press.

Reviews

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book is very good and funny and personal and entertaining and I know the author b/c he's me so I'm biased but I still stand by these statements and you should get this book and read it. Thank you, thank you very much (exits)

[Scottsdale Public Library · Rating 4 out of 5]

In addition to getting swept up in Rob and John’s wedding planning, you’ll likely learn something while reading Marry Me a Little. Author/illustrator Rob Kirby weaves his own experience marrying his long-time partner, John, with historical and political background regarding same-sex marriage in the United States and Canada. In addition, to showcase pop culture's views of the institution of marriage, Kirby also includes examples of how marriage is portrayed in popular tv shows and movies, along with the (usually limited) role of LGBTQ+ characters. To further emphasize the historical and political focus of the book, Kirby uses a traditionally patriotic color palette of red, white, and blue. I found Kirby’s graphic memoir to be sincere, humorous, and informative. –Diana F.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

For as unsentimental as Kirby claims to be, this is super sweet. Hopping around in time, he tells the story of how he and his husband John, having been together for 10 years at that point, decided to get married in 2013, even though they were dubious about the institution of marriage. After all, they were grateful to have the right in Minnesota, and before long all the other states followed suit. Ten years on, though, he realizes "social justice issues are all linked together" and equal marriage rights are under threat from a conservative-leaning high court.

The blue and red color scheme is very effective at evoking a polarized America and the ebb and flow of emotions, with blue for calm, happy scenes and concentrated red for confusion or anger. This is political, for sure, but it's also personal, and it balances those two aims well by tracing the history of gay marriage in the USA and memorializing his own relationship.

"I seriously count my blessings every day. Our life together: A mix of little stuff and big stuff, arguments and heart-to-hearts, personal quirks and private jokes, doubts and commitments, work and play, joy and grief......day-to-day life stacking up into years gone by. To me that's, you know, marriage. Even before we were 'officially sanctioned' by the state. And we'll continue on that way, no matter what a bunch of people in long black robes might say."

Adorbs!

[Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

This touching, timely memoir finds the perfect balance of the personal and the political. It's the story of cartoonist Rob Kirby marrying his longtime partner soon after his state legalized same sex marriage, but Rob takes the scenic route, with plenty of funny tangents, historical asides, meditations on how weddings are portrayed in pop culture, and wrestling with his own mixed feelings about the institution of marriage. But despite his ambivalence, the section of the book about his actual wedding day is so beautiful and poignant, it sweeps you up in the same "floaty" feeling he describes.

[Raina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Autobiographical GN about the author's choice to get married to his husband.

Like many folx, they got married largely for medical benefit reasons (once gay marriage was legal, their places of employment shut down domestic partnership benefits*).
There is a cloud looming over the story that gay marriage may stop being legal at some point, so this may be a brief opportunity for them.
Semi-anecdotal. Sweet little romantic warm fuzzy stories about this specific couple. Covers some of the larger context and history around gay marriage. They acknowledge their White and class privilege.

Mostly black on white line drawing, but touches of color in an interesting way.
Pretty sure I read it in one sitting.

*Medical benefits are the biggest reason I'm not married, fwiw.

[Hannah Garden]

Ahh so lovely!!!!! I have been watching this memoir come together via Patreon and to hold it in my hands feels like a little piece of cosmic pie I can keep and eat again, keep and eat again. What a gift this kind of art is, tender stories clear and true.

[Elizabeth A · Rating 3 out of 5]

Marriage doesn’t define a relationship. Unless you want it to.

Moved a stack of queer reads up my TBR for Pride month. This graphic memoir explores the author's ambivalence around marriage equality and other related ramblings. Sweet with a charming illustration style.

[MariNaomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

i've been following this comic's progress on rob kirby's patreon (i absolutely love the diary comics he posts there), then i got to see an advance copy of the book. kirby's drawings are so charming, his experiences so relatable. he did a wonderful job on this book. a true comics legend doing his best work!

[Rod Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

A sweet look at the author's wedding day also offers up some rambling thoughts and digressions on marriage and marriage equality in general.

[sheribubble · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was really good, a realistically romantic story which also educated me on just how complicated marriage has been historically for their community. Overall, very heart warming and charming.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cis-heterosexual couples can not image what a difference Obergefell v. Hodges ruling made for lives of gay and lesbian people in the United States, when it made same sex marriage the law. (at least for now).

Robert Kirby tells his story of how and why he got married to his husband, and the whole tiem I was reading this, I kept nodding my head and agreeing with everything he was saying. How legal marriage gave you so many rights, things that Cis-straight couples never have to worry about.

So, when he finds that he can get legally married in Minisota in 2013, he decides to go for it, and plans a simple ceremony at the judges court room, followed by a part at a local restaurant. He brings in people that are special to him, and is amazed how it all feels, and how normal, and changed and not changed things are.

When I got married, it was just after Trump was elected. And Like Robert, I worried that the *right* to be married would be taken away from me, so made sure that I did it before he gained office. And like Robert, I too was shocked at how many groups were hit by his policies, and how many groups, such at the ACLU, that I joined to combat it.

This is a well written slice of life, and well worth the read, if for nothing else, to remember how things were, and how they are, and what could come next.

Thanks to Edelweiss for making this book available for an honest review.

[Todd · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't recall ever reading a book where I've felt more seen, as a middle aged gay man whose own uncertainty and ambivalence about the institution of marriage was accurately reflected by Kirby's musings. Rob and John's relationship, and especially their marriage planning and wedding, mirror ours to such a degree that I almost couldn't believe it. And makes me think that we're hardly alone in this feeling, particularly among lesbians and gays.

The author/illustrator's colored pencil drawings are clear and realistic, with a bit of dreaminess and energy that are used appropriately. It's a wonderful medium for a personal story like this graphic memoir.

Sometimes I chide reviews that talk so much about readers needing to see themselves in literature. I definitely saw myself here, and it moved me. But I still don't know if that makes my life any richer, or that I will thrive in ways because of it. Instead, I simply appreciate Rob Kirby's gift, and laud him for telling his and John's love story so beautifully.

[Diana Flores · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good mix of Rob Kirby's own story of marrying his long-time partner, John, in 2013, when gay marriage was legalized in their home state of Minnesota, with historical and political background regarding gay marriage in the United States (and Canada). The traditional USA color palette of red, white, and blue helps emphasize the historical and political focus.

Kirby also details some examples of marriage in popular tv and movie titles in an effort to examine pop culture's views of the institution of marriage.

While I appreciate (and learned from) the historical and political background, my favorite sections were the parts focusing on the personal story of Rob and John.

{Advance copy provided by Edelweiss / Read digital copy}

[Liv · Rating 2 out of 5]

I expected to like this more but it felt disconnected. The personal bits were too short for me to connect to Kirby or his husband. Then the time between 2013-2023 was a sprint and the one-per-page comics to describe huge events/periods was discombobulating. Finally, the ending was anticlimactic. There wasn’t enough of a link to either the personal or the informative angle of gay marriage. I did like the way some of the art was repeated/arranged, but I don’t know that this needed to be a book.

[Tatiana · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful, brilliant, poignant book. A touching and relatable story of the scenes of a long life together, with meditations on the institution of marriage and it’s image in pop culture. The book shows the planning of the big day and discusses the legal rights in flux around gay marriage. All depicted with a masterfully skillful, lovely cartooning style with spectacular coloring that is another language in itself. I appreciated the eschewing of corniness while embracing the joy of love, and by the end I was tearing up.

[KAT · Rating 4 out of 5]

Seeing that this book was rated exactly 4 stars surprised me at first. I was only about 1/3 of the way through it and it wasn't really interesting me all too much. But, eventually I got sucked in and ended up finishing the book fairly quick. It really made me think about a lot of things. I'm queer myself but I am in a hetero relationship. So same-sex marriage is something that I don't think about for myself but I have friends and family who identify somewhere within the LGBTQ+ community and I would feel devastated for them if they lost same-sex marriage as being legal. I'm not one to delve into politics, I feel it's always so negative and unappealing to me but it's honestly crazy how just because 2 men love each other, or even 2 women loving each other can cause people to want to take that away from them? It's not their life, it doesn't effect them in any way. This book really made me want to do good and just truly be a good person. You never know what people have to deal with and what they're going through and the best thing we can do is be kind and stand up to those people who try to take away from us.

[Joanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75. Simple and heartfelt; turns and twists and considers the concept and meaning of marriage over and over to view from all sides, much like a Rubik’s Cube. And not just same-sex marriage but a thoughtful impetus for all couples. I loved the lettering especially-rendered with sharp little red and blue pencils. Maybe a bit low-energy, but overall a noble endeavor.

[Sophie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I stopped at the public library in Tyler, Texas as I love looking at libraries. I picked this one up off the shelf to read while I was here and it ended up being about a queer couples marriage that lives in Minnesota. A small work even in a small town Texas.

[Ethan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Has some sweet moments, but I ultimately just didn’t really get much from this at all.

[Ashton Rios · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a super quick read, but I read it so slowly to soak everything in. I love the idea of finding comfort in our loved ones, even if the forces of the world are actively stepping between you & them. This was a comforting read that made me tear up, but it also made me grateful for what I have. I love seeing the lives of normal, everyday people & reading their stories.

[Peach! Benitez · Rating 5 out of 5]

I guess I just love graphic memoirs.

[ElphaReads · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this up on a whim from the library from their Pride display and it was so lovely.

[Chrisreadsbooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting history of gay marriage in the United States - with a few shout outs to Canada for getting there first. Yay. Also some warnings about how easily these hard earned rights can be taken away. It was in graphic form so easy to read. I would like to give it 3.5 stars.

[Roxy D · Rating 5 out of 5]

I sat down to eat a sandwich thinking I’d just look at the first couple pages and ended up reading the whole book in one sitting because Rob’s little thought bubbles kept me giggling the whole way through. And there’s a love story :)

[Gabe Kilgore · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow I love gay people and getting swept up in emotional parts of books

[Jules · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked the use of color in this graphic memoir. I think any queer American circa 2016-2020 can relate to some feelings captured here.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sweet graphic memoir/comment on marriage equality - a little "we're basically old marrieds anyway" + "do we need this institution - yes <3" + "people are trying to take away our rights". Loved the art and color palette.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Engaging graphic memoir about the ambivalence and tensions within the queer community about same-sex marriage.

[RP · Rating 5 out of 5]

This made me cry like three times. It's out now. Rob Kirby has such a lovely narrative voice and the people he draws, including himself, are so loveable and real. Just people living their lives, worrying, enjoying, doing their best. The drama is the drama of everyday life. In the memoir it comes from Rob's ambivalence about marriage, his losses, his love for his partner, and the joys and pains of their life together.

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it. The author was very open and honest about his path as a gay man to the marriage of his parter in 2013, and the impact of the political climate on their life. From his own insecurities about getting married, to the fear that their right to wed would be taken away, the author tells his story with sincerity and a great deal of humor. I thought his side comments were hysterical! As a fellow genXer, I loved all of his 80s and 90s cultural references, especially his shout out to the great rom-coms. Our lives couldn’t be more different, but I felt so much in common with the author. All of his hopes and fears resonated with me. Maybe none of us are so different after all.

I received a free ARC of this book and wrote my review voluntarily.