Desi Girl: On feminism, race, faith and belonging

by Sarah Malik

As a Pakistani-Australian teenager growing up in western Sydney, Sarah Malik came of age in the shadow of September 11. At the age of twenty, she moved out of home to begin her life as a university student, Muslim feminist and journalist. In this energetic and timely book, Walkley Award-winner Malik dissects the many layers of identity that have shaped her, from faith to feminism, race and class. While navigating religion and family, forging a career in media and looking for a home of her own, Sarah lays bare the complexities of living between different worlds. She shares stories of working in a newsroom in the age of Islamophobia, studying Arabic in Jordan, mastering the art of swimming, loving Jane Austen, and her experiments in the world of 'wellness' and therapy. Desi Girl explores the power of writing from the margins and how to find – and take – your place in the world.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Australia

183 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 30, 2022

Reviews

[shani p ❀ · Rating 4 out of 5]

sutho library rly came through by having this !! reading a set of topics grounded in sydney was super enjoyable & i unsurprisingly loved the chapter on swimming (i still want to write my bloody thesis !) - i only wish that this was a more 50-50 balance between critical essay and memoir, it was a little too much of the latter for my personal tastes in non-fiction ~ 7/10

[Sarah Pisani · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5/5 ⭐️

[Suzie B · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this biography of a Muslim-Pakistani woman, raised in Sydney’s western suburbs. She delves into her struggles with balancing her cultural upbringing with asserting and establishing herself as a successful independent woman. Very readable.

[n · Rating 3 out of 5]

"There was the world of Anne Rice's vampires... (told from the vampire's point of view, it was a sympathetic depiction of the bloodthirsty protagonists as simply misunderstood outsiders. I thought, dramatically, they were similar to Muslims like me, whose differences condemned them to roam the world in purgatory, belonging nowhere)."
—pg. 194

First off, accidentally finding Anne Rice related religious metaphors in a book you randomly picked up at the library one night is crazy. I think that both religious people and religious cynics must relate to the metaphor of her vampires. She's just versatile like that, I guess.

This was a really quick read, I read it in a few hours tonight despite it being 200+ pages. Between the Will and Grace reference in the first chapter and that entire paragraph about the Anne Rice vampires, then the Virginia Woolf chapter at the end... it somehow became accidentally personal. Specifically personal, outside the intended relatability shared in the content.

I judge a book by its cover so the unoriginal title becomes sad when, within only the first few pages of reading, you learn how individualistic the author actually is. There were some themes I didn't relate to, or find worthy of the pages dedicated to it. She spends a lot of time at the beginning worrying over things that don't deserve that kind of thought. I've never related to caring about how I come across to people who don't even know me, or given any effort in trying to please them. Such a tiresome way to live, and even worse, a boring thing to concern yourself with. It's so pointless to me and you'll look back on it as a useless waste of your time. The only opinion of you that matters is your own (after you've spent the necessary time developing it, that time alone building yourself. Educating your opinion). But writing is reflection so maybe she had to get that out of her head. "Create the mirrors you don't have," and all that.

In areas where I find no relatability in her words, in areas where I even disagree with her conclusions, she makes it easy to deduce why she would have that opinion. It's authentic, like a conversation, like a stream of consciousness with no layer of superiority in her experience. She then ends the book with a sentiment I very strongly agree with, and something i've thought to myself a lot. When writing or meditating, thinking, praying. That 'wealth' comes from "the thankfulness of having and feeling enough."
Interesting words from a woc Australian journalist. And fun. Kind of like reading a really long blog.

***
"If I praise you in fear of hell-burn me in it.
If I praise you in hope of heaven- exclude me from it.
But if I praise you for yourself- do not withhold from me your everlasting beauty."

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is incredible, I wish I'd started it sooner and I wish it went for longer. I'll re-read at some point. A memoir from Sarah Malik on growing up in western Sydney as the child of Pakistani migrants, and on being a south Asian woman, a Muslim woman, and how that has shaped her experiences. Her insights into personal relationships to faith really connected with me, as did her explanation of spirituality and religion, mindfulness, and the ocean. The division of chapters was a great way to divide a memoir, and each provided unique insights and musings from lived experience. Her insights into the connection between empowerment and disempowerment across the internal and external experience were great, and I loved the complexity she successfully explored between finding your own self and abilities, against experiences of racism, Islamaphobia, sexism and classism. I would recommend this to anyone.

[s 💌 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Desi Girl is easily the most relatable and accurate book to my experience I have ever come across. So many of the experiences Sarah describes in this book have happened in my own life. I was both pleasantly surprised and shocked to read such an honest account of what life is like for another Pakistani-Australian Muslim journalist (who is from Western Sydney too!) There were countless moments in this book that left me thinking, 'how is this author so accurately describing thoughts and feelings I have had myself?' Her writing is evocative and so honest. She doesn't shy away from stickier topics, and I appreciate her for that. I have become a quick fan of Sarah's writing and am excited to read what she publishes next!

[Rania T · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sarah Malik's memoir about growing up South Asian in Western Sydney is very readable and offers many insights into the ways cultural norms influence identity. From her enjoyment of Austen to being a moody teenager who had to sell spices to older Pakistani women from her parents' garage, to getting a chance to thrive as a journalist. The only thing that I can point out as a negative is that the Pakistani group Junoon did not sing "Dil, Dil Pakistan" but it was actually a band called, "Vital Signs." Which leaves me wondering who the mysterious upper class "star" Sarah met in Karachi actually was?

[Dhvani · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adore any memoir that gives me insight into the experience of migration, feeling simultaneously rooted to multiple homes and, at the same time neither. And Sarah’s book does this beautifully.

But what set it out from the crowd for me was the unashamed use of nuanced and poetic phrasing and prose. There’s something really fun to authors where you can sense how much time they’ve put into crafting certain sentences in a way that perfectly fits the sentiment they are expressing.

Also the nerdiness. The Jane Austen chapter will absolutely stay with me when I try to explain why literature from a time so different to my own still resonates with me so deeply.

[Pip Snort · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was helpful. It encouraged me to reflect on life in Sydney lived at a parallel to the times described here. But for a memoir, it was remarkably lacking in self-awareness or self reflection, instead placing responsibility and critique almost entirely on white Australia without considering whether the disappointments, frustrations and challenges were products of expectations or decisions of the writer or her family. At times, such critiques were valid and justified and worth considering how they can be addressed where such obstacles and unkindness continue to persist.

[Ayesha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the links Sarah makes between place/s to the internal experience.

Navigating the brown migrant journey and desire for a sense of connection and belonging through literature and religious experience and the search for home through work and her journalistic thinking gave me space to reflect on my own parallel journey.

She describes beautifully the hard slog of mentally and emotionally moving through, rather than transcending, the social expectations of the Desi girl.

I look forward to reading her next book!

[Tasnip Sami · Rating 5 out of 5]

Had absolutely nothing to do with the song, disappointing.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading a book that I could relate to and see a reflection of my own childhood in. It beautifully highlights the lack of belonging faced by immigrant children in the country they are brought up in and the country they are from. Personally finding someone that views religion like me quite validating as well.

Highly recommend to Muslim brown girls, brown immigrants and immigrants/children of in general.

[m mahesh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really resonated with a lot of the things the author said, being an immigrant from western Sydney and feeling lost, confused and stretched out sometimes.

The needing to be the best while being humble and staying true to yourself was a really good depiction on how a lot of immigrant girls feel I think.

I like how chapters were easy to follow and split into different topics, weaving together different ages and experiences together

[Bina Khalfay · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a brown immigrant woman I found this honest and relatable. Most diaspora writers seem like try-hards, like they are trying to win over Western readers by hypersexualising or secularising themselves to make it more interesting and palatable, but this wasn't like this. It was refreshing to see someone juggle their Western vs Muslim/desi upbringing without throwing their culture/religion under the bus. Just real talk

[Raidah Idil · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sarah Malik's memoir is a must-read for any woman of colour grappling with our multiple identities. She writes with a propulsive combination of warmth, wit and wisdom. I love how much faith has propelled her life journey, and how much she embraces that in her memoir. Thank you Sarah, for writing something so resonant and brave.

[Farrells Bookshop · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this biography of a Muslim-Pakistani woman, raised in Sydney’s western suburbs. She delves into her struggles with balancing her cultural upbringing with asserting and establishing herself as a successful independent woman. Very readable.

Read by Suzie

[Thea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easily a 5 star book. I read this in a few hours over two days. Sarah's easy storytelling style is easy to absorb. Really glad I picked this up. I want more like it! Memoir by non white Australian women have been some of the most interesting books I've read recently.

[Rita Ma · Rating 4 out of 5]

For a non-fiction, essay style book, this still has all the memoir feels. Insights were deep in parts snd always interesting.

[a*s*h · Rating 3 out of 5]

(Sorry….)

[saiyara · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book that got me back into reading. Thank you.

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a journalist this was such an insightful read and hearing about Sarah’s experience in the industry as a Muslim feminist was so interesting and complex

[Mel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Essential feminist reading!

[Lauren Ali · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. As a white girl who has married into a Pakistani family growing up in Australia. It was so so relatable.

[Ry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Refreshing to read a memoir from someone w a similar background and life experiences. The writing was not as strong as I would have hoped, but good quick read nonetheless.

[Aline Damaj · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s not often I feel seen by a book. Growing up from a migrant background, I found myself able connect to every chapter. Beautifully written - this book should get more air time! 5 stars from me.

[Ari · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this slowly, as I wanted each chapter to sink in and to process it properly. As I read each chapter, there were so many times that I laughed out loud, cried a little, and felt a pang.

Reading this is like having the deepest conversation with a really good friend. There’s so much vulnerability and relatability in the writing. It felt like therapy at times, a safe space to think about your own feelings about yourself and your own experiences as you learn about Sarah’s journey.

Read this book to learn about what it’s like for some growing up in the 90s in the western suburbs, for perspective on navigating the less talked about day-to-day biases and isms, for insight into what it’s like to live in Sydney and to work in the media, and for this genuine and thoughtful take on all of the struggles of being a 20-something, and then a 30-something.

[Ali · Rating 4 out of 5]

Malik brings a confident, engaging, often funny, voice to this book. Each chapter/essay stands alone, tackling a theme with a focus on a chronological part of her life, from adolescence to the end of her 30s. The chronological structure also means it all fits well together into an overall narrative about becoming an adult, developing skills and confidence in them, and working out who you are. We also see the world change, Desi families adapt cultural norms, Islamophobia waxes, and, well, waxes, and narratives around gender and diversity change dramatically, even if experiences of sexism and racism change slower.

[Fernanda Duarte · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thoughtful

This is a thoughtful, candid, intelligently written memoir, though I felt that the last three chapters didn’t sustain my interest.