Love Across Borders: Passports, Papers, and Romance in a Divided World

by Anna Lekas Miller

We are told that love conquers all, but what happens when you don’t have the right passport?
 
With deep empathy, rigorous reporting, and the irresistible perspective of a true romantic, journalist Anna Lekas Miller tells the stories of couples around the world who must confront Kafkaesque immigration systems to be together—as she did to be with her partner.
 
Written with suspenseful storytelling worthy of the greatest love stories, Love Across Borders takes readers across contentious frontiers around the world, from Turkey to Iraq, Syria to Greece, Mexico to the United States, to reveal the widespread prejudicial laws intent on dividing people. Lekas Miller tells her own story of meeting and falling deeply in love with Salem Rizk, in Istanbul, where they were both reporting on the Syrian War. But when Turkey started cracking down on refugees, Salem, who is Syrian, wasn’t allowed to stay in the country, nor could he safely return to Syria. He was a man without a country. So Lekas Miller had to decide her next she has an American passport, but deep personal ties to the Middle East, and knew it was unfair that Salem couldn’t travel freely the way she could. More important, she loved him.
 
Over the next few years, as they navigated Salem’s asylum claims, the United States’ Muslim ban, and labyrinthine regulations in several different countries, Lekas Miller learned about—and bonded with—other people whose spouses had been deported, who found love in refugee camps, whose differing immigration statuses caused complicated power dynamics and financial hardship or threatened the wellbeing of their children. Here, offering a uniquely diverse, international, and intimate look at the global immigration crisis, she interweaves these rich, complicated love stories with a fascinating look at the history of passports (a surprisingly recent institution), the legacy of colonialism, and the discriminatory laws shaping how people move through the world every day.
 
Ultimately, she builds a powerful, moving case for a borderless society—one where a border patrol agent can’t keep anyone’s love story from its happy ending

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Travel, Romance, Relationships, Audiobook, History

256 pages, Hardcover

Published June 6, 2023

Reviews

[Nadia]

Yesterday, I finished listening to these tenderly told stories of love in a divided world.

Today, I was walking through a parking lot and noticed a bumper sticker that declared: "Heaven is a place with immigration laws. Hell is a place with no borders."

It's a true privilege to have the people you love, the people who love you, within arms reach. People forget that sometimes borders have unsavory histories and that people would much rather move through formal channels but formal channels are often backlogged, unjust, and archaic.

We need better bumper stickers.

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding! By focusing on love stories, Lekas Miller vividly shows the damage that border rules and regulations have inflicted on people just trying to live their lives with their chosen partners. I cried, screamed, laughed, and literally hugged the book a few times. As the child of parents from different countries, who are still hopelessly in love after 40 years of marriage, I was personally affected by these stories, imagining the lengths my parents would have gone through to be together if they hadn’t been lucky enough to hail from countries that happened to make it relatively easy to cross their borders. Highly recommend!

(Received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.)

[Nina · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's fuck borders and neo-colonial migration policy every single day! There truly is nothing more injust. The love / family / friendship angle of this book makes the topic very approachable and tangible. If I were a politics teacher, I'd make my students read a chapter and write an essay on it (and hope it radicalizes them)

[Lauren ❦ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an ARC of Love Across Borders in exchange for an honest review. I originally wanted to read this because I’m currently in a long distance international relationship. Goodness, once I finished, I was left with the realisation of how lucky I am for my privilege in my relationship, and how easy it is for me, a passport having US citizen, to get to my partner.

I have never been so angry, but so hopeful reading a book before. This book made me laugh, cry, and wish I had a physical copy to slam shut when I was furious learning about the ridiculously difficult journeys so many people have when they are in love.

I look forward to requesting this for my library once it releases. These are vital and important stories we must allow to be read and heard.

[Lukáš Zorád · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very personal for the author and I think for many readers, including myself, too... Anyone who has ever dated across the borders would know. This book takes the reader on a very emotional ride. Well written stories with twists and turns like in a novel, just real.
I´d take half a star for (in my humble opinion) unnecessary chapter describing authors wedding in detail, but anything else had its place in the book. And be ready to engage your stress balls or other mechanisms that help you to deal with anger or sadness. You will go through all of it.

[Akilnathan Logeswaran · Rating 5 out of 5]

To anyone who’s ever dared to love someone across borders, this will be deeply personal, as it is for the author.

To anyone who hasn’t, it’s a must read still, to learn about how borders get in the way of so many personal, intimate life and love stories.

As someone who’s always had a sweet spot for love and for the nonsensical borders, this book was a pure delight. I cried, I laughed, and I loved it.

10/10 recommend to everyone!

[Olivia Swindler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is beautifully profound. I was struck by the way Lekas Miller wove her own love story in with the lives of the people she interviewed. This is such a unique way of framing the border crisis happening around the world, and I think it is even more timely given what's going on today. This is a book that will stay with me for a long time. I cried, I hoped, I laughed. These are the types of love story we need to be sharing. I highly recommend it.

[Isabella Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good one! Human stories covering the complications that come with love and relationships across borders. Very touching and informative.

[Lilisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

In a vast and complex world, how do people in love navigate and overcome the challenges of moving across borders to be with their loved ones? Anne Lekas Miller lays out the hoops individuals have to jump through - laws, rules, and regulations to make this happen. Having passports and legal papers are key or else you’re out of luck. What happens when borders are redrawn, countries are at war or countries’ internal strife, corruption, and economies force people to cross borders to seek a better life elsewhere or to be with their loved ones? The book highlights individuals and families navigating these situations and the obstacles they encounter, including the author. These stories shared with the author are heartbreaking, harrowing, desperate, and frustrating. I can only imagine what they went through. Their experiences with government officials were fairly similar - not treated courteously and demeaned - that was sad. It would have been interesting if the author had sought out a couple of positive encounters. It would have also been interesting if the author had discussed the challenges countries face when individuals and families fleeing war, untenable situations, etc., cross borders from other countries into theirs, especially in huge numbers. One example is the Syria/Turkiye situation. According to the United Nations Refugee Agency, there are 3.6 million registered Syrian refugees and 360,000 refugees of other nationalities in Turkiye - that’s 4 million people! And this does not take into account unregistered individuals. That’s a staggering number. I don’t know that any country has the infrastructure and economy set up for this huge wave of people, who fled Syria, and understandably so. There was criticism of countries that individuals are fleeing to but not much discussion about countries that individuals are fleeing from and what they could be doing as well. I love the concept of a global borderless society - wouldn’t it be great if we were there or at least getting there. Many thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the opportunity to read and review this book.

[Kelly B · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got an ARC of this book at a conference earlier this year, and I cannot recommend it enough. Miller’s background as a journalist works to her advantage as she makes a subject that is very complex (and often bureaucratic and boring and inhumane) legible to the novice reader. The framing device—looking at immigration, borders, and passports through love, whether romantic or familial or platonic—is engaging and gut-wrenching at the same time. The fact that Miller can weave her own experiences throughout the chapters adds another emotional layer to the work.

This book is well-researched, but it is also *human.* The folks interviewed and featured in it are living, breathing, vibrant people, not statistics or passing vignettes. And, when you’re reading about inhumane, racist, & frankly evil, policies that prevent people from being together, that human touch is so necessary, and so appreciated.

Another strength is the scope of the book: we hear from people who crossed the Mediterranean, who were detained at the U.S./Mexico border, who became stateless, who were held captive by bureaucratic red tape, and who had to make tough choices. We learn about the past and the present. We mourn, we cheer, we get mad as hell. Read it. ✨

[Kelly Pramberger · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was immediately drawn to this book because of the title. I'm also half Lebanese like the author and I found her journalistic writing very interesting. The topic of love and marriage is always intriguing to be and one of my favorite topics. The way Lekas Miller delivers this story is unique though. All the couples face issues with passports and borders and laws. Heartbreaking in my opinion.

Thanks to NetGalley for providing an ARC to me for the purpose of this review. Five stars!

[Onyeka · Rating 4 out of 5]

“The documents we are born with can determine whether we’re considered an expat or an immigrant.”

This book is incredible! Anna Lekas Miller did a fantastic job of sharing her own personal experience of finding love that feels forbidden in the modern world. She interweaves the lives and love stories of other people in similar situations as well, bringing their shared strife to life.

From Africa to the Middle East, South America to Eastern Europe, Anna showcases the many ways that where we are born dictates what we can do, where we can go, and who we can love. Riveting read.

“A passport is meaningless if it is not used to expand your world beyond the borders of your imagination.”

[Tessi · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting read that combines many different real-life love stories (though they are not exactly your typical type of romance) that at the same time raise a lot of important points on border restrictions. An elegant work to criticise the current system that discriminates more people with an unlucky passport than it supports people in need, a system based on post-colonialism and racism.

3.5 stars

[Lara Salgado · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. Even though my family are immigrants, the concept of borders is not one i have ever challenged. fun to read this book and challenge ny thoughts and ideas. very moving and touching, while also very informative. highly recommend

[Juliet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to commend the author for making a topic which is often perceived as to “complex” or “uncomfortable” to discuss at the dinner table into such a readable and compelling book. It was not only informative but touching and uplifting (if at times also a little soppy).

[Fatin Allen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be taught in history textbooks.

[Nadia Huraimi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish everyone would read this book…

[Christie Maliyackel · Rating 5 out of 5]

SUCH a good read - likely one of my favorite nonfiction books this year. I learned so much about the history and issues of ‘papers / documentation’ related to immigration, refugee, and asylum status and how that affects all sorts of relationships. It’s a mix of extremely disheartening (why are we treating fellow humans as such), worrying (as these issues are only continuing to grow), and some degree of hope (with the beautiful victories that have come about)… because without the latter, what are we even doing?

[Traci · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Deeper Look Into How Borders Affect Relationships

When I saw the title of this book, I knew I had to purchase it. I'm currently in a relationship with someone whose passport allows him to visit a whopping 27 locales with no visa while mine gets me to 148 countries. I thought this was grossly unfair and it's put a huge challenge on us even being able to meet.

I love that the author provides various stories from around the world and also shares about conditions most of us don't think about like being stateless or not having a country that is safe to go home to.

I wish everyone could read this book to know that overwhelmingly most people are looking for better economic opportunities, safety and to be with their families when they choose to come to a country they do not know. I wish that people could see that love is what brought them here and that we could open our hearts and minds to love them back.

I think this book makes an excellent case on both fronts. Thank you to Anna Lekis Miller for writing it.

[Sarah Jaffe · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOL you can already see my blurb on the page! yes, it's good, kids.

[Kelly Blackwell · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book would be uber- political but it was political towards both sides.. which was somewhat refreshing.

I didn't anticipate that I would enjoy reading this book as much as I did. I found the content to be very interesting and I had a hard time putting this one down.

At times, it was heartbreaking ...reading the firsthand accounts of families split apart by immigration policies.... families that had been together for years....it was also quite thought provoking.

I received this book as an ARC in exchange for my honest review. Thank you to Goodreads, the publisher, and most of all, the author for writing this book. I found this author to be very honest and vulnerable as she not only shared stories of others...but also herself. Thank you

[Brendon · Rating 1 out of 5]

The word I thought of for this book was 'naive'. I had a feeling that USA readers would give this book many more stars than non-USA readers. She is forever going on about her USA passport; “As a US citizen, I could breeze through the passport control gates of airports around the world with barely a glance at my documents'. What citizen of a Western country can't do that? An Irish passport will give you visa-free travel to 191 destinations, a USA passport to 186 destinations. Dozens of other Western passports do about the same. The USA passport is no big deal in that regard.

The big difference is that the USA passport will NOT get you into one other country to live, not even Canada – they are confined to their country. Even a passport for Australia will let you live in New Zealand. An Irish passport will let you live in 31 other countries! She makes no mention of the incredible weakness of the USA passport in this way.

She refers to herself as an “expat”. Is this the 19th century and she is a Brit living in Bombay during the time of the Raj? She was not an “expat”, she was an immigrant like a Mexican moving to Texas.

She (from the USA!) talks of the “allegedly open borders” of the EU. These borders are open – to EU citizens, as they wander back and forth without even a passport. Their national ID card works instead. I could not even cross the USA-Canada border without a passport check. When crossing from Holland to Germany I was not even sure where the border was as it is just not such a big deal any longer.

So as a non-USA person I found this book quite annoying and very USA-centric when I was expecting straightforward, well researched, human interest stories. Just saying.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love Across Borders is personal to me. Over ten years ago, I was studying abroad in Spain when I met the man who would ultimately become my husband. I was American and he was Peruvian, and upon graduation, we had to determine how—and where—we would stay together. After he was nearly denied entry to the US in early 2014, I decided I would go live with him in Peru. By then, it was clear that we’d have to make things official if we wanted to (legally) stay together. So a year later we got married and we began the long process of my husband obtaining and renewing his green card and, finally, getting his US citizenship. Admittedly, we had it easy. Neither one of us was ever a refugee or an undocumented immigrant or deported. But as one half of an interracial couple, and a couple whose family is split across continents, love and borders are subjects that matter deeply to me. This is why I was so excited to pick up Love Across Borders.

Anna Lekas Miller balances her own personal experiences with the accounts of numerous people around the world who have been impacted by strict borders. The author’s own story takes place in the Middle East, where she fell in love with Salem. After he was kicked out of Turkey, they had to live in Syria—unsafe for them both—and find a country that could become a new home for them together. Their love story plays out in short chapters that appear between longer ones about others’ circumstances.

Those longer chapters highlight stories from a variety of people affected by borders in different ways. Some seek asylum in countries that unfairly reject refugees. Some live undocumented, afraid that they’ll be deported and torn away from the country and people they love. Still others are actually stateless, often because the country they left behind is either no longer a country at all or no longer under the rulership it had been. Where do stateless people go when no country wants to accept them?

I appreciate that this book focuses no only on the cruelty of strict borders, but on the relationships affected by them. Consider an American family whose patriarch is deported to Mexico: It’s not only the deported man who’s been affected, but also his wife and children. They must now either live in American without him, becoming a broken family, or relocate to Mexico to be with him, becoming a displaced family. Consider how the horrific Muslim ban prevented engaged and married couples from seeing each other for months or years. These are just examples highlighted with Love Across Borders.

For couples in which one person has “desirable” citizenship, marriage can be the only way to keep a loved one with you. But this doesn’t work if the other person is actually stateless. And if neither person in the couple has the “right” papers, both will live in limbo or a state of fear about how they could ultimately be ripped apart.

Love Across Borders is an eye-opening book that we could all benefit from reading. Even if you personally haven’t been affected by borders, you likely know someone who has. It is my belief that the world would be better off without borders, or at least with drastically less restrictive ones. People should be free to live where they want, where they are safe, and with the people they love.

Anna Lekas Miller has written an important and cogent book with Love Across Borders. Love—both romantic and familial—shouldn’t be divided or eroded by borders. In considering the many ways borders do affect us, hopefully we can start taking steps to ease restrictions and allow loved ones to stay together.

Special thanks to NetGalley and Algonquin Books for providing me with an ARC of this book!

* Please read my full review on my blog, Amanda's Book Corner! *

[Elle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anna Lekas Miller, a Lebanese-American journalist, while in Istanbul collecting stories, fell in love with a Syrian refugee, Salem. Throughout their relationship they grapple with the difference in privilege and power granted by citizenship and navigate how to share their lives in a world that is becoming increasingly hostile to foreigners, immigrants, refugees…With them, we travel to Iraq during the Second Gulf War, and eventually, in search of stability, to England.

Woven into this memoir are stories of people all over the world whose lives have been affected by increasingly prejudicial border laws. Through their stories, Lekas Miller touches on a variety of issues like statelessness, the Windrush Scandal, the Muslim Ban. She discusses the history of borders and passports and show how the rules that govern them have evolved over time. What are you willing to do to share your life with the one(s) you love when borders make it increasingly difficult to do so? Get married? An illegal crossing? Uproot your life completely? Fly into a war torn country? These stories are a testament of the things we do for love.

And, in an interesting turn, for Lekas Miller, the American citizen, that is marrying the love of her life, a documented refugee living in London [for papers] so that they could settle there together.

[Madi Williamson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is essential reading - in an era where geopolitics are over-simplified, dehumanized, and minimized in public discourse, Anna provides a stunningly humane and accessible perspective on border imperialism, bureaucracy, and other complexities that can plague human relationships. I could not put it down and read it in one sitting on a flight from Seattle to Miami. I laughed, I cried, there were parts of these stories that simply took my breath away.

As a nurse, an educator, and an advocate for forcibly displaced people, this book is one of my go-to recommendations for people wanting to learn more about migration and borders in a way that is relatable to them. Very few people can see themselves in the exceptional stories of refugees, humanitarians, or in the pages of academic critiques on borders and migration... but all of us can see ourselves in a love story.

My life has been dictated by border imperialism and forced separation for almost a decade now and to read the stories of other people experiencing the same agonies as me has given me was life-giving. It is always reassuring to see yourself in someone else's story and know that you aren't alone.

I highly recommend this book to all audiences!

[Larrith · Rating 4 out of 5]

A powerful, honest, and necessary book that speaks straight to the heart.
Love Across Borders: The Silent Struggles of Foreigners in South Africa is one of those rare books that does more than tell a story, it tells the truth. It pulls back the curtain on the hidden emotional, cultural, and social battles that many foreigners quietly endure while trying to build love, family, and belonging in South Africa.
What makes this book unforgettable is its honesty. It doesn’t shy away from the tough conversations such as xenophobia, cultural clashes, identity, fear, and the painful realities that can sit behind closed doors. Yet, it also celebrates resilience, humanity, and the extraordinary strength it takes to love in a world that often questions your right to exist.
The writing is beautiful human. Every chapter feels like someone is finally saying out loud what so many people have been carrying in silence. The personal stories, the reflections, the vulnerability they make you stop, breathe deeply, and see people differently.
This book is not just for foreigners. It is for every human too. It is for anyone who believes in love, dignity, and the simple truth that “home is where the heart learns to breathe.”
A moving, important, and deeply necessary read. I highly recommend it.

[Alba · Rating 5 out of 5]

Me ha ENCANTADO. Creo que es una lectura obligatoria. Un acercamiento al amplio y complejo tema de la migración hoy y en el pasado, desde una perspectiva crítica y muy humana. Sin meterse demasiado en la parte teórica, el libro cuenta con contexto histórico y político que sirve como ayuda para empezar a abandonar el racismo y la ignorancia que llevamos en nuestra mochila de personas occidentales. Desde una perspectiva realista pero esperanzadora, la escritora propone como antídoto al racismo algo que todo el mundo es capaz de comprender y experimentar, el amor. Sea de la forma que sea. Es cierto que, para mi gusto, quizás se pasa un poco de romántica y refleja mucho tanto su visión monógama de las relaciones como su procedencia (se ve claramente la perspectiva "americana" del mundo que naturalmente tiene la autora). Pero salvando estos detalles, me parece un libro buenísimo. Bien escrito, y al grano, dando visión a una realidad que existe más de lo que creemos a través de diferentes historias de personas que se enfrentan a diario con el mundo hostil de las políticas migratorias.
En resumen, os lo recomiendo MUCHO amigas.

[Nicki · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the daughter of Iranian immigrants fleeing a revolution, I’ve learned hard truths about love in this lifetime. Sometimes, love is “don’t worry about us” sent over WhatsApp amidst air raids. Sometimes, it’s feeling guilt over safety because you want them safe, too. And, in my case, the guilt extends to being born in “better” and shouldering the knowledge that there are others being born in “worse.” Sometimes, love is being the kid standing alone when your teacher asks about 9/11 because there IS love in the “over there” people deem too dangerous—they just don’t want you to see it.

There are people peddling narratives of “relief and celebration,” as has long been the case when it comes to immigration enforcement and military involvement in the MENA, specifically, but the only thing worthy of celebrating will be a promise to love and be loved in ways that feel safe and warm and secure.

These stories were the light I needed this week. There is love. Always.

[Courtney Chege · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book with all my heart. It is so eloquently written in a way that Anna’s personal love story is woven in around all of these other stories of refuge, asylum, etc. and it was such a beautiful and heart wrenching experience. As a white woman who happens to love a man in the same country as me is such a huge privilege that I truly take for granted, and this book highlights that in a way that we are forced to look at the privileges we have as citizens. I appreciate so much everyone who played a part in this story and I highly suggest this book, particularly to people who have never had to personally experience fear for citizenship, search for asylum, lack of resources due to inability to work in a country or get papers, etc. I think this is a lovely betrayal of love without giving up, and I will always remember this.