Note Found in a Bottle: MY LIFE AN A DRINKER A MEMOIR

by Susan Cheever

Born into a world ruled and defined by the cocktail hour, in which the solution to any problem could be found in a dry martini or another glass of wine, Susan Cheever led a life both charmed and damned. She and her father, the celebrated writer John Cheever, were deeply affected and troubled by alcohol.
Addressing for the first time the profound effects that alcohol had on her life, in shaping of her relationships with men and in influencing her as a writer, Susan Cheever delivers an elegant memoir of clear-eyed candor and unsettling immediacy. She tells of her childhood obsession with the niceties of cocktails and all that they implied -- sociability, sophistication, status; of college days spent drinking beer and cheap wine; of her three failed marriages, in which alcohol was the inescapable component, of a way of life that brought her perilously close to the edge.
At once devastating and inspiring, Note Found in a Bottle offers a startlingly intimate portrait of the alcoholic's life -- and of the corageous journey to recovery.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Addiction, Biography Memoir

208 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1999

Reviews

[Lark Benobi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I sought out this memoir at this time of my life because last month someone I loved died alone on the floor of her home in an alcoholic stupor. I want to know how it is that none of her friends--literally none of us--had the slightest idea that this brilliant, gentle, deeply accomplished, always-meticulously-put-together woman had suffered from a decades-long drinking problem that finally killed her.

It's a lot to ask for a book to give you answers to your current grief but this book has helped me. If I'd read it without my loss, I might have found it difficult to forgive the way Susan Cheever blunders forward in her story with no regard to how the other people in her life--her children, her friends--might feel about the way she writes so candidly about her blackouts, her promiscuity, her many betrayals of them over many years. As it is, though, I feel a tender indulgence toward the woman who wrote this memoir, because secrecy and self-delusion are what killed one of the dearest people in my life. The last few pages of this memoir are written with such beautiful clarity that I felt I could almost understand the secrecy and sufferings and self-delusions of the person I lost, and for that I'm very grateful.

[Esme · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's hard to feel much sympathy for someone who was born into family of privilege. But the author isn't asking for your sympathy. She simply lays out how it happened. She doesn't wring her hands or beg forgiveness for the infidelity and other bad behavior. She was born into a family of alcoholics, surrounded by a community of heavy drinkers and simply thought all that was completely normal.

There was lots of name dropping but since I didn't really care all that much who all these people were, I just let it kind of wash over me.

At the end she has a religious epiphany, but again, she's not telling you "that's how it is." Just this is how it is for me. I think her tone throughout the book is what kept me engaged when I was really disposed not to like her all that much.

It's the first book I've read by her -- although I have heard of her and her father. Short, sweet, and engaging.

I have to say her metaphor at the beginning of people hanging themselves with their hats on will stay with me. Reminds me a bit of Mad Men, how you could see that everyone was so desperately unhappy and repressed, yet equally determined not to ever deviate from their rigidly assigned social roles.

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will never lose the fascination of learning about alcoholism~one disease a zillion manifestations~and those it touches. Cheever's brutal honesty and delicious prose paints a remarkable portrait of her journey toward discovery and acceptance.

[Nicola Pierce · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am just back from my first visit to America ... the first of many, I hope. The second week was spent in Portland where my partner and I looked forward - as avid book buyers/readers - to spending quality time in Powell's Bookstore. I could have ordered Cheever's latest book, her biography of E.E. Cummings, online but, instead, I waited impatiently to buy it in the world's biggest independent book shop.

As I scoured the relevant shelves I found this little beauty nearby. I absolutely love Susan Cheever's writing, undoubtedly thanks to a combination of her conversational tone, warmth, steady eye for detail and, perhaps, most important of all, her honesty.

A book like this, whereby the dominant story is the author's failings and falls - into the bottle, and into many beds or out of marriages - is addictive to read but, I would imagine, requires guts to write. At one point she admits to having sex with three different men in one day ... now that is no mean feat when you're as famous as Susan Cheever.

I read the book in one sitting, on the long flight back from San Francisco to Dublin, when it just about distracted me from wanting to murder the annoying couple in front of us who dipped their seats for about five hours straight, making it nigh impossible for us to get out our seats without resorting to actual climbing.

What I mean to say is that it's easy to read no matter what sort of hell you happen to be in which, I think, is the mark of a gifted writer!

[Paul Clarkson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I quite enjoyed this in its simplicity. I like books that open windows into people’s lives, which it did. I don’t have to relate to the wealth and lifestyle, as the story isn’t about me! The style of her drinking was fascinating as were a few little concepts within the reasoning of her drinking, if there can be reasoning when drinking bucket-loads.

I was asked once why, when I said a glass of wine helped me de-stress, I then had to have more. For Susan Cheever, she suggested her irrational thought was, if she enjoyed something, anything, not just booze, then it was a rational step to want and take more, and then more. I can relate to that.

This is a short book. Easy to reach the end. The drink focus is on that exactly. There is a massive cut to a satisfying sober life with little information as to how that transition came to be. So, not a recovery book but a drinking style account.

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

I apparently have very little patience for rich people and their problems. Even though I usually like books about women alcoholics since I think there are very specific genderization reasons why women become alcoholics - but after about 90 pages I gave up on this book. I don't even care that she went to the south in 1965 to work for civil rights, nor do i care that she feels like she needs to parade that experience out to give herself some sort of self esteem boost. Nor do I care that she is in a bad marriage and has to live in an 80 room mansion. But I do care that she is a pretty bad writer, and after 90 pages had given me no insight on to her problems with alcohol.

[Maneki Neko · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up on a whim- I almost never read memoirs- but this one was different. It is so elegantly written, so heartbreaking and sexy and gives you such a feel for the world this woman lived in. I'm glad those days are over, as no one should glorify the days when mom and dad drove the kids home from a Sunday picnic while sh*t faced drunk in the frontseat. She paints even the ugly times in a cozy sepia tone. The blurb on the front cover compared Susan Cheever's writing to a modern, female F. Scott Fitzgerald. I agree, and I really enjoyed this book.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt my liver start to malfunction just reading about the volume of alcohol the author consumed. I was amazed to google Cheever and discover that despite a lifetime of living on wine, beer, and hard liquor and very little else, she is still alive at 81. What's doubly amazing is that she managed to eke out a living as a prolific writer. The book serves as an authentic view of how deeply those with "alcohol abuse disorder" and their families can deny that they might just be overindulging a wee bit (or more likely, a whale of a lot) of alcohol.

[Victoria Greer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoy books on recovery, and biographies about coming back from the depths, to be inspired by the struggles that are overcome. This author didn't much address her own struggle but instead pointed out others shortcomings frequently. Mostly she bragged and was a constant name dropper. I debated on finishing the last 20 plus pages, upon realizing she was miraculously cured, so again her awesome life with famous people could continue. Very disappointing.

[Deborah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was interested in the topic of alcoholism. It was a bit all over the place for me and I didn’t enjoy the writing. I would have liked to know more about how she conquered her alcoholism, she barely talked about that. It was mostly just fuzzy memories of her past and how her family drank all the time.

[Ellen McCormick Bull · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a little hard for me to relate to because the writer comes from a world of wealth and a different time then the life I currently live.

[Dzesika Teresko · Rating 5 out of 5]

INCREDIBLE LIFE CHANGING BOOK, I adored reading every second of this book. So relatable and helpful. Read this ESPECIALLY if you are in recovery!!!

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not exactly amazing writing, but it’s simple and honest. I have friends trying dry January so it seemed like a supportive book to read on the theme.

[Kristen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Memoirs of personal transformation often strike me as being particularly auto-ethnographic. At first, this idea may seem odd. After all, we think of ethnography as being the purview of anthropologists, and the popular view of an anthropologist is a Western academic, usually male, traveling to exotic places to study “other” cultures. However, if we think of ethnography as a depiction of how a shared belief system—or a particular way of making sense of the world—is originated, supported and maintained through behaviors, rituals, traditions, stories, etc., isn’t this often what the memoirist does in telling her story? She shows us how she comes to understand the world and her place in it. Coming to consciousness about the implicit social forces, from cultural to familial, that influence one’s beliefs and behaviors is the first step to being able to transform how one makes sense of, and operates within, the world she inhabits. However, our individual world views aren’t created in a vacuum; they are part of a broader socio-cultural belief system. Therefore, it seems to me that her endeavor to share her personal story of transformation also provides the reader with many important cultural insights signified through individual experience.

[Robinvk · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I appreciated most about this book was its lack of grandstanding about alcoholism. It's a memoir about her life as a drinker, not about drinking. The detailed descriptions of a romanticized drinking culture were evocative and thoughtful. I perceived a lot of subtle social information and a clear sense of who was telling me this story within these nostalgic recollections, and I enjoyed the scenery enough to excuse some narrative vagaries. Although I felt the story lacked a cohesive arc, the author's perspective held my interest.

[Joanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall a decent read - Susan Cheever is an amazingly skilled writer. She packs so much into the most delicate and sparse sentences. My main problem with this book is how name-drop-ey it is. I mean, sure, when she has 'dinner with Joan' it is very clear that she's talking about Joan Didion and the same with her vacations with 'The Coppola's' and I found that very distracting. It would have been far more impactful without these kinds of details but this is her life, I suppose.

Additionally, it ends with a little too much God...but...she's a great writer.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

A memoir of her drinking days. The problem is, since she was drunk for so much of what was going on, the recollections are fuzzy and the characters difficult to track. I felt like I was in a daze along with her, but not in a good way. The parts about her childhood and alcohol's influence on her family definitely held my interest. But as Cheever became an adult with her own alcohol problems, things ceased standing out.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cheever's book was interesting to me because she didn't start out not drinking and turn into a bottle of Scotch a day drinker with a paper bag. I felt that she grew up drinking because it was socially acceptable and a fact of life due to her father's drinking. That she finally comes to terms with it is also interesting and drinking pregnant is despicable but maybe it can open up someone else's eyes about their own habit.

[Ellen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Might go good with First Comes Love by Marion Winik, Desire by Susan Cheever, Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight by Alexandra Fuller, Glass Castle by Jeannette Wells. There is no rescue for addicted parents, even posthumously.

[Maryellen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a biography by John Cheever's daughter and a lot of it concerned his addiction to alcohol. There was a certain sadness to it but she did have a good relationship with him although she did not understand his demons.

[Eren · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked her writing sytle; reminded me a bit of Joan Didion's.
Fascinating account of her drinking. She doesn't let herself off the drinking hook, and mentions what quantities of which spirit she was downing at the time. Good peek into life with a famous, alcoholic father.

[Marsmannix · Rating 2 out of 5]

since it was written by an alcoholic, i guess it's no surprise that this book was very disconnected from real every day life and self-centered. hard to feel sorry for someone that vacations in the Hamptons while crying about being a drunk.

[David Buhler · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful memoir tells of her youth and marriages - all surrounded by drinkers, and she herself lived many years before discovering that she was an alcoholic. This book is not about alcohol, but about self-discovery through love and tragedy. She is a great writer reviewed by a poor one here.

[Paula · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fascinating portrait of a young woman who is taught to drink from a very young age - never realizing anything is wrong with it. Oh, and she also happens to be the daughter of John Cheever.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent memoir for those of us who came from the era where cocktails at five and martinis at lunch were the norm.

[Maure Briggs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent !!!