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You or Someone You Love: Reflections from an Abortion Doula
Named a Glamour Best Nonfiction Book of 2023 * theSkimm Favorite Book of Summer 2023 * NPR Science Friday Best Science Book of Summer 2023
An eye-opening, transformative, and actionable journey through radical and compassionate community abortion care and support what it looks like, how each and every one of us can practice and incorporate it into our daily lives, and what we can imagine and build together in a post-Roe v. Wade United States.
Abortion touches all of our lives. While statistically nearly everyone knows someone who will receive an abortion in their lifetime, limiting narratives flatten our understanding and assumptions around abortion, while stigma and criminalization stifle discussion. What we lack are the language and tools to provide care and support to all of the members of our communities who receive abortions, before, during, and after them.
Now, Hannah Matthews—abortion care worker, doula, journalist and essayist, and reproductive rights advocate—breathes depth and nuance into the oversimplified narratives surrounding abortion, presenting an accessible guide to the emotional and physical realities of providing and supporting abortion care for our own communities. Featuring stories of real abortion experiences, including Matthews’s own, You or Someone You Love offers a glimpse into the stunningly diverse landscape of abortion care across gender, race, and class lines, while illustrating how we can better support and protect the people who seek abortion in a country that increasingly promotes secrecy and shame.
An eye-opening, transformative, and actionable journey through radical and compassionate community abortion care and support what it looks like, how each and every one of us can practice and incorporate it into our daily lives, and what we can imagine and build together in a post-Roe v. Wade United States.
Abortion touches all of our lives. While statistically nearly everyone knows someone who will receive an abortion in their lifetime, limiting narratives flatten our understanding and assumptions around abortion, while stigma and criminalization stifle discussion. What we lack are the language and tools to provide care and support to all of the members of our communities who receive abortions, before, during, and after them.
Now, Hannah Matthews—abortion care worker, doula, journalist and essayist, and reproductive rights advocate—breathes depth and nuance into the oversimplified narratives surrounding abortion, presenting an accessible guide to the emotional and physical realities of providing and supporting abortion care for our own communities. Featuring stories of real abortion experiences, including Matthews’s own, You or Someone You Love offers a glimpse into the stunningly diverse landscape of abortion care across gender, race, and class lines, while illustrating how we can better support and protect the people who seek abortion in a country that increasingly promotes secrecy and shame.
352 pages, Paperback
Published May 2, 2023
64 people are currently reading
4224 people want to read
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July 13, 2023
Compassion and empathy. These two words were at the top of my mind as I read this. It’s a holistic exploration of abortion, acknowledging the full range of emotions and reactions one might have, from joy to sorrow. It’s beautifully written and does a great job of examining the complexities and where things could improve. Beyond the general access issues due to hostile legislation, Matthews addresses why clinics aren’t always safe and accessible (e.g. for trans and disabled folks) and stresses the importance of racial, queer, and disability justice. (The author is a disabled cis bisexual white woman.) There are a lot of resources enclosed, from grief rituals to doulas to abortion funds. She delves into the use of inclusive language and why “pregnant people” is better across the board.
The chapters are short and I typically read one a day until I finished, although it would be just as easy to finish it quickly. I thought a lot about who this book is for while I was reading. It’s certainly for those who are pro-choice. It’s for anyone who isn’t quite sure what they think about abortion. Though it’s less likely, I really wish anyone who is anti-abortion would give it a chance. They might find their thinking expanded—and challenged. And goodness knows we need that now more than ever.
Content notes: abortion, pregnancy (planned and unplanned), sexual assault (mentions), intimate partner violence (mentions), sexual coercion, depression, anxiety, disordered eating, racism, misogynist slur, medical transphobia, ableism, infertility, miscarriage (mentions), fetal anomaly and genetic abnormality, COVID-19, author has Type 1 diabetes, C-section scar (author), vomit, ableist language, reference to people who died of overdose/substance abuse
The chapters are short and I typically read one a day until I finished, although it would be just as easy to finish it quickly. I thought a lot about who this book is for while I was reading. It’s certainly for those who are pro-choice. It’s for anyone who isn’t quite sure what they think about abortion. Though it’s less likely, I really wish anyone who is anti-abortion would give it a chance. They might find their thinking expanded—and challenged. And goodness knows we need that now more than ever.
Content notes: abortion, pregnancy (planned and unplanned), sexual assault (mentions), intimate partner violence (mentions), sexual coercion, depression, anxiety, disordered eating, racism, misogynist slur, medical transphobia, ableism, infertility, miscarriage (mentions), fetal anomaly and genetic abnormality, COVID-19, author has Type 1 diabetes, C-section scar (author), vomit, ableist language, reference to people who died of overdose/substance abuse
March 15, 2023
DNF at 40%
Disclaimer: My review is my opinion, and it is chock-full of bias and judgment. I’m sure it will anger and upset many people. If you think that may be you, I would suggest not reading any further. I won’t be reading any comments left on this review; I am not here for a political or moral debate. I hesitated writing this review and ultimately decided if it prevents one like-minded person from wasting a few hours of their life, it's worth it.
The description of this book is misleading. Yes, it uses the word radical, but I didn't realize just how radical it would be. Based on this snippet, "Featuring stories of real abortion experiences, including Matthews’s own, You or Someone You Love offers a glimpse into the stunningly diverse landscape of abortion care..." I anticipated the book would be a series of women's own stories, and I wanted to read it to better understand what they went through and garner more compassion and knowledge for myself. It wasn't until I read the stories available on the internet of what some women went through to get abortions at 20 and 30-something-week marks that I truly understood the dire medical necessity of the situation they were in. Objectively, the majority of abortions are not for health reasons*, and I wanted to learn more and hear directly from women in all situations so I could learn and grow myself.
Unfortunately, at 40% of the way through, I have only heard Matthews' own story and very tiny snippets of other abortion stories told through doulas or other women Matthews interviewed. Women from all walks of life, socioeconomic backgrounds, colors, nationalities and religions have abortions. Most importantly, they all fall on different places across the wide political spectrum. The author is extremely left-leaning in her political views, and this book is her soapbox. This book glorifies and celebrates abortion – not just safe and legal access to it, but the act itself. There is nothing glorious about abortion. It’s a necessity; it’s not a party. I know not every woman who has an abortion feels sadness or guilt. Many feel relief and freedom, but that’s not to say that abortion is a decision made lightly or followed through with easily.
I feel like Matthews goes to great lengths to make her abortion as casual and light as possible. Indeed, she and her husband did not even take a night to sleep on the decision, instead making it final over a short phone call. She got pregnant because of her own laziness. (Her word, not mine.) As an abortion doula, having her own abortion seems like it's almost a rite of passage for her. You would think someone who has access to an endless supply of birth control, knows how expensive abortion is, sees the first-hand effects of all the emotions women go through each day and already has a child would be a little more proactive about preventing a pregnancy.
As much as the book preaches inclusivity and condemns judgment and bias, Matthews is incredibly judgmental herself. To her credit, she admits her own biases and tries to address them. Interestingly though, judgment is simply reserved for anyone who believes any less than she does; it seems impossible to be more radical than she is, and if you are, that particular difference in thought is acceptable.
A woman who calls the author via an abortion help hotline says that she "killed her baby," which gives the author a visceral reaction. Matthews condemns any language referring to an unborn embryo/fetus as a child yet repeatedly revisits the “removal of tissue” from her own womb and how it was a piece of her and her husband and their ancestors. It seems as though she is troubled and mourns the loss of her child but cannot say that because it would be in direct conflict with everything that has been shoved down her throat in her time as a doula and everything she is trying so desperately hard to make you believe.
I am an anomaly. I believe that life begins at conception, and yet, I also believe that women should have safe and legal access to abortion. I am what the author would call “pro-choice” — someone whose lack of radicalism makes them unworthy of calling themselves an advocate.
I can say, unapologetically, that I will never think it’s okay to have an abortion for the purpose of sex selection.
I don’t think it’s okay for a 25-year-old having her sixth abortion to refuse birth control.
I don’t think abortion should be used as birth control.
I don’t think abortion should be policed, but instilling in women the belief that getting an abortion is good is simply not right. It’s not like getting a root canal. It’s not something one should ever do flippantly or casually. Abortion should be a last resort. I don’t think it is contradictory to think this and yet still love, support and help women who choose to have an abortion.
I had so much more hope for this book, but it was not at all for me.
*“The reasons most frequently cited were that having a child would interfere with a woman's education, work or ability to care for dependents (74%); that she could not afford a baby now (73%); and that she did not want to be a single mother or was having relationship problems (48%). Nearly four in 10 women said they had completed their childbearing, and almost one-third were not ready to have a child. Fewer than 1% said their parents' or partners' desire for them to have an abortion was the most important reason.” (Guttmacher Institute)
Thank you NetGalley and Atria books for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.
Disclaimer: My review is my opinion, and it is chock-full of bias and judgment. I’m sure it will anger and upset many people. If you think that may be you, I would suggest not reading any further. I won’t be reading any comments left on this review; I am not here for a political or moral debate. I hesitated writing this review and ultimately decided if it prevents one like-minded person from wasting a few hours of their life, it's worth it.
The description of this book is misleading. Yes, it uses the word radical, but I didn't realize just how radical it would be. Based on this snippet, "Featuring stories of real abortion experiences, including Matthews’s own, You or Someone You Love offers a glimpse into the stunningly diverse landscape of abortion care..." I anticipated the book would be a series of women's own stories, and I wanted to read it to better understand what they went through and garner more compassion and knowledge for myself. It wasn't until I read the stories available on the internet of what some women went through to get abortions at 20 and 30-something-week marks that I truly understood the dire medical necessity of the situation they were in. Objectively, the majority of abortions are not for health reasons*, and I wanted to learn more and hear directly from women in all situations so I could learn and grow myself.
Unfortunately, at 40% of the way through, I have only heard Matthews' own story and very tiny snippets of other abortion stories told through doulas or other women Matthews interviewed. Women from all walks of life, socioeconomic backgrounds, colors, nationalities and religions have abortions. Most importantly, they all fall on different places across the wide political spectrum. The author is extremely left-leaning in her political views, and this book is her soapbox. This book glorifies and celebrates abortion – not just safe and legal access to it, but the act itself. There is nothing glorious about abortion. It’s a necessity; it’s not a party. I know not every woman who has an abortion feels sadness or guilt. Many feel relief and freedom, but that’s not to say that abortion is a decision made lightly or followed through with easily.
I feel like Matthews goes to great lengths to make her abortion as casual and light as possible. Indeed, she and her husband did not even take a night to sleep on the decision, instead making it final over a short phone call. She got pregnant because of her own laziness. (Her word, not mine.) As an abortion doula, having her own abortion seems like it's almost a rite of passage for her. You would think someone who has access to an endless supply of birth control, knows how expensive abortion is, sees the first-hand effects of all the emotions women go through each day and already has a child would be a little more proactive about preventing a pregnancy.
As much as the book preaches inclusivity and condemns judgment and bias, Matthews is incredibly judgmental herself. To her credit, she admits her own biases and tries to address them. Interestingly though, judgment is simply reserved for anyone who believes any less than she does; it seems impossible to be more radical than she is, and if you are, that particular difference in thought is acceptable.
A woman who calls the author via an abortion help hotline says that she "killed her baby," which gives the author a visceral reaction. Matthews condemns any language referring to an unborn embryo/fetus as a child yet repeatedly revisits the “removal of tissue” from her own womb and how it was a piece of her and her husband and their ancestors. It seems as though she is troubled and mourns the loss of her child but cannot say that because it would be in direct conflict with everything that has been shoved down her throat in her time as a doula and everything she is trying so desperately hard to make you believe.
I am an anomaly. I believe that life begins at conception, and yet, I also believe that women should have safe and legal access to abortion. I am what the author would call “pro-choice” — someone whose lack of radicalism makes them unworthy of calling themselves an advocate.
I can say, unapologetically, that I will never think it’s okay to have an abortion for the purpose of sex selection.
I don’t think it’s okay for a 25-year-old having her sixth abortion to refuse birth control.
I don’t think abortion should be used as birth control.
I don’t think abortion should be policed, but instilling in women the belief that getting an abortion is good is simply not right. It’s not like getting a root canal. It’s not something one should ever do flippantly or casually. Abortion should be a last resort. I don’t think it is contradictory to think this and yet still love, support and help women who choose to have an abortion.
I had so much more hope for this book, but it was not at all for me.
*“The reasons most frequently cited were that having a child would interfere with a woman's education, work or ability to care for dependents (74%); that she could not afford a baby now (73%); and that she did not want to be a single mother or was having relationship problems (48%). Nearly four in 10 women said they had completed their childbearing, and almost one-third were not ready to have a child. Fewer than 1% said their parents' or partners' desire for them to have an abortion was the most important reason.” (Guttmacher Institute)
Thank you NetGalley and Atria books for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.
May 15, 2023
“I’m here for your abortion, for all of it, whatever happens. I am here with a container for your joy, your relief, your pain, your fear, your grief, every last drop of it. Here, pour it in here if you want. Here I am. Here I am.”
Here I am: weeping (quietly) after finishing this consuming everything in Hannah’s container. Call me biased because I am in this book (See ‘Abortion is a Holy Blessing’ and ‘Abortion is Queer’) but I was woefully unprepared for all of the love surrounding me.
At my repro job I often talk about how because I’ve done faith and abortion work I feel more prepared to challenge people with nuances of abortion experiences, in all its cloudy, grey, fullness. You or Someone You Love is a container for the stories we need. All of its raw and messy and beautiful reality. I wish I could throw a copy of this book in every person’s face like Oprah.
And to me? Only a doula could do this. Only folks who have had abortions could do this. Only clinic workers and providers could do this. All Doulas, we are witnesses to life and death and joy and melancholy around abortion. Abortion is abundant and teeming with life and I strongly believe that I couldn’t see that until I became a doula myself. This book will make EVERYONE a better friend, a better doula, a better sibling, a better child, a better parent, a better community member.
I am so grateful to live among these pages with everyone. Read this.
And if this didn’t convince you? 100% of the proceeds go to abortion funds.
Here I am: weeping (quietly) after finishing this consuming everything in Hannah’s container. Call me biased because I am in this book (See ‘Abortion is a Holy Blessing’ and ‘Abortion is Queer’) but I was woefully unprepared for all of the love surrounding me.
At my repro job I often talk about how because I’ve done faith and abortion work I feel more prepared to challenge people with nuances of abortion experiences, in all its cloudy, grey, fullness. You or Someone You Love is a container for the stories we need. All of its raw and messy and beautiful reality. I wish I could throw a copy of this book in every person’s face like Oprah.
And to me? Only a doula could do this. Only folks who have had abortions could do this. Only clinic workers and providers could do this. All Doulas, we are witnesses to life and death and joy and melancholy around abortion. Abortion is abundant and teeming with life and I strongly believe that I couldn’t see that until I became a doula myself. This book will make EVERYONE a better friend, a better doula, a better sibling, a better child, a better parent, a better community member.
I am so grateful to live among these pages with everyone. Read this.
And if this didn’t convince you? 100% of the proceeds go to abortion funds.
May 18, 2023
I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. Thank you NetGalley.
You or Someone You Love is a memoir by an abortion doula. The basis of this book is to bring light and awareness to abortion care, which is so very important.
There are personal stories of abortions featured in this book, in addition to the author's own abortion.
Overall, this was a great read. I've never read something like this, and I"m glad it exists.
You or Someone You Love is a memoir by an abortion doula. The basis of this book is to bring light and awareness to abortion care, which is so very important.
There are personal stories of abortions featured in this book, in addition to the author's own abortion.
Overall, this was a great read. I've never read something like this, and I"m glad it exists.
October 5, 2023
Beautiful, challenging, delicate, powerful, compassionate, poignant, empathetic, nuanced - this book is everything needed when speaking about a topic that brings much division and conflict. This book is deeply human, and I think it’s one everyone should read with an open mind. Bring your questions and beliefs and biases and misunderstandings and whatever else you have about abortion, and let this book seep into all of that. I learned so much about what it means to be compassionate and empathetic, and my world is a little bit bigger because of this book and the beautiful people who shared their stories in it!
March 4, 2024
This book is great for abortion activists and cautious supporters alike. There's a good balance of Matthews' personal abortion experience, people for whom she's been a doula through their abortion, and factual information about abortion experiences and abortion centers. I'd definitely recommend for people who want a thorough picture of abortion care today, however fast it may be changing.
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August 20, 2024This book was about a lot of complicated and tragic things, but it was mostly about compassion and empathy. Would reccomend to anyone who wants to be challenged, no matter where you fall politically on abortion rights
August 21, 2023
NEVER HAVE I READ ANYTHING THAT CAPTURES THE BEAUTY AND PAIN AND COMPLEXITY OF DOULA-ING!! And even more cool to see my friend Lauren quoted in it :)
September 26, 2023
Heavy content, and I recommend a slow paced reading to take it all in and process. A timely and important read for everyone, regardless of your stance on abortion.
December 21, 2023
A beautifully written book that captures abortion is good + abortion is super emotionally heavy for some people (a perspective I have not read about previously) + abortion is socially/politically/legally complicated. This second piece was especially interesting, featuring the idea that it's difficult to even propose that some people will grieve their pregnancy tissue/babies/abortions because of the way this grief could be taken out of context and twisted by anti-abortion folks. I left this book with what felt like a solid intro to a "abortion is good and, also, sometimes abortion is both good and heartbreaking" take.
The book does try to do a lot and, for the most part, separates these many things into brief chapters. It's more like a Tour de Abortion Doula, with brief sightseeing of the many layers/things abortion doulas might think of and encounter, from what language to use to what kind of actions they take to support patients. In this way, it was a super educational snapshot of a care profession I previously knew nothing about.
Also, though, in this way, I sometimes got a bit lost regarding who the audience was, and this didn't always feel like a full book to me. For example, the intro/advertising of the book is that the book is an educational nonfiction book for everyone, and early chapters like "Abortion is Indigenous" and "Abortion is Queer" felt written for the general public (e.g., third person didactic narration with no framing for why they would be there for someone feeling sad about abortion), and their early order in the book made it seem like the book would be geared towards nonfiction/educational writing for the general public. Also, though, chapters like "Abortion is Transformation" and "Abortion is Grief" are written in second person, speaking to readers who have had an abortion/abortions. This, paired with a lack of explicit connections/call-backs between chapters, made this feel more like a collection of essays. Which is not a bad thing! Just a neither here-nor-there opinion of mine.
Speaking of opinions: it felt like a missed opportunity that the author didn't explicitly grapple with concerns about the author herself being disabled + the author supporting others in ending intended pregnancies after learning the fetus/baby/etc would be disabled. The book is written with such a gentleness and lack of judgement for the people she is writing about that I'm inspired to not say "this is a hole in the book," because, in the spirit of this book, if she didn't want to write about this, then she didn't want to write about this and that's that.
I also thought it was a bit unfortunate that, early in the book, the author berates anti-abortion perspectives (in a way that sounded more finger-wagging than an invitation to think differently) -- but, then, as I was reading I thought that anti-abortion people might be able to get something out of some chapters? So, perhaps some audience is lost early. But, then again, if this book is meant to be written decidedly not for the general public, then maybe it makes sense to take this stance early so that the "real" audience feels comforted? Again, this isn't a huge deal - it just brings up the "issue" of audience once more.
Finally, personal gripe of mind: I'm often annoyed by vague references to capitalism being bad, without unpacking this idea/argument. When it's just thrown around like this, it feels like a trendy and buzzwordy thing to write, rather than a complex take on economics/social systems. Meh.
The book does try to do a lot and, for the most part, separates these many things into brief chapters. It's more like a Tour de Abortion Doula, with brief sightseeing of the many layers/things abortion doulas might think of and encounter, from what language to use to what kind of actions they take to support patients. In this way, it was a super educational snapshot of a care profession I previously knew nothing about.
Also, though, in this way, I sometimes got a bit lost regarding who the audience was, and this didn't always feel like a full book to me. For example, the intro/advertising of the book is that the book is an educational nonfiction book for everyone, and early chapters like "Abortion is Indigenous" and "Abortion is Queer" felt written for the general public (e.g., third person didactic narration with no framing for why they would be there for someone feeling sad about abortion), and their early order in the book made it seem like the book would be geared towards nonfiction/educational writing for the general public. Also, though, chapters like "Abortion is Transformation" and "Abortion is Grief" are written in second person, speaking to readers who have had an abortion/abortions. This, paired with a lack of explicit connections/call-backs between chapters, made this feel more like a collection of essays. Which is not a bad thing! Just a neither here-nor-there opinion of mine.
Speaking of opinions: it felt like a missed opportunity that the author didn't explicitly grapple with concerns about the author herself being disabled + the author supporting others in ending intended pregnancies after learning the fetus/baby/etc would be disabled. The book is written with such a gentleness and lack of judgement for the people she is writing about that I'm inspired to not say "this is a hole in the book," because, in the spirit of this book, if she didn't want to write about this, then she didn't want to write about this and that's that.
I also thought it was a bit unfortunate that, early in the book, the author berates anti-abortion perspectives (in a way that sounded more finger-wagging than an invitation to think differently) -- but, then, as I was reading I thought that anti-abortion people might be able to get something out of some chapters? So, perhaps some audience is lost early. But, then again, if this book is meant to be written decidedly not for the general public, then maybe it makes sense to take this stance early so that the "real" audience feels comforted? Again, this isn't a huge deal - it just brings up the "issue" of audience once more.
Finally, personal gripe of mind: I'm often annoyed by vague references to capitalism being bad, without unpacking this idea/argument. When it's just thrown around like this, it feels like a trendy and buzzwordy thing to write, rather than a complex take on economics/social systems. Meh.
November 25, 2024
This book really challenged me and educated in ways I didn’t know I needed. Matthews provided a wide range of topics to discuss abortion through, from indigenous herbal methods, to a faith based point of view, to the transgender experience and ableism. It was all very eye opening and all inclusive; I learned a lot.
I would recommend this book to someone that is unsure of how they feel about abortion, as it leaves a lot of room to address both the necessity of the procedure but also the sadness that can come along with it. This book shows that abortion is not a black and white issue, but rather an emotion filled rollercoaster that can be both beautiful and devastating.
As a cis-white woman living in a state where abortion access is protected (as of now, let’s hope), I really appreciated the prospectives of people of color and LGBTQ+ community members. Reading about their insights and experiences was very educational and humbling for me. This book left me with a feeling of hope and a deeper passion to do my part within the reproductive justice movement.
I would recommend this book to someone that is unsure of how they feel about abortion, as it leaves a lot of room to address both the necessity of the procedure but also the sadness that can come along with it. This book shows that abortion is not a black and white issue, but rather an emotion filled rollercoaster that can be both beautiful and devastating.
As a cis-white woman living in a state where abortion access is protected (as of now, let’s hope), I really appreciated the prospectives of people of color and LGBTQ+ community members. Reading about their insights and experiences was very educational and humbling for me. This book left me with a feeling of hope and a deeper passion to do my part within the reproductive justice movement.
September 22, 2025
Since becoming a mom, I have been so aware and in awe of the interconnectedness of people across so many different walks of life. It was really lovely to see that same lens applied to abortion- mostly because I had never considered that lens for this topic before! In fact, I learned so much in this book that I never knew- even as someone who cares deeply about abortion rights. I’d definitely recommend this book!
November 3, 2024
If you don’t know much about repro justice and want to learn more - read this book. If you are an encyclopedia for information about repro justice - read this book. If you have had an abortion - read this book. If you know someone who has had an abortion - read this book. If you haven’t had an abortion - read this book. If you want to know more about how disability justice and abortion access intersect - read this book. If you care about trans rights and trans families - read this book. This is not an exhaustive list - please add YOSYL to your TBR collection. The compassion, love, care, exhaustion, grief, rage, hope, determination in every word of Hannah Matthew’s writing is ferocious and overflowing.
March 16, 2024
The number of books which make me cry appears to increase as I get older and more emotional about the world and its intricacies, so maybe I'll have to change this rule one day. Until then, like every book that makes me uncontrollably sob, this book receives a 5 star.
Moving, important, enlightening, and beautifully crafted, I am so glad I have the newfound understandings I have from this book. Everybody should read this.
Moving, important, enlightening, and beautifully crafted, I am so glad I have the newfound understandings I have from this book. Everybody should read this.
May 31, 2023
Really moving book with lots of love and compassion and thoughtfulness. I feel filled up, my cup full, having read this book.
May 27, 2023
I cannot recommend this book enough. I’ve read stacks of books about abortion, and this is one of the best so far. But this book isn’t just about abortion. It’s about the radical notion…of love. That’s right—love. Loving yourself, loving others—in the moments of care that bodies need and deserve access to, at any and all times, without barriers and shame.
You may already be doing doula work and haven’t realized it. We ask that you show up in whatever capacity you can for folx who need care, and love them. Love them through all of it. See the world through the lens of Reproductive Justice. Honor all pregnancy outcomes. Donate to abortion funds, get involved with them, ask them how you can help, talk about bodies and all the ways in which they need care.
You may already be doing doula work and haven’t realized it. We ask that you show up in whatever capacity you can for folx who need care, and love them. Love them through all of it. See the world through the lens of Reproductive Justice. Honor all pregnancy outcomes. Donate to abortion funds, get involved with them, ask them how you can help, talk about bodies and all the ways in which they need care.
June 29, 2023
wow...I learned so much from this book! [thanks Steph for the rec ;)] TBH I thought the author herself was a bit annoying and whiney, but I love how easily and well thought out she presented the info. She also did a great job of giving a full spectrum of views. (because so many times I read these over all generalized but "inclusive" books and feel like they forget other ethnicities- I'm looking at you 'Hood Feminism') I really enjoyed the 'Abortion is Queer' chapter and learning how much language can effect the experience and will definitely be apply the new verbiage in my vocabulary. I also learned so much just about things other than abortion like the coast of diapers...JFC. Highly recommend this read, especially now in our post- Roe v. Wade world.
November 18, 2024
I think this book is an EXCELLENT read for anyone looking to get a basic understanding of abortion care and the many nuances that underlie it both for patients and for care providers. Was probably close to a 4 stars for me but I found some of the narratives portrayed ever so slightly reductive without getting really into the weeds. That being said I don't think that was the intention of this book. Said otherwise: I don't think I was the target audience of this book.
Despite my rating i highly recommend this to anyone trying to build up a basic understanding of the range of experiences abortion can morph into. You won't walk away with a deep academic understanding of it medically, legally, or even philosophically. But you will see the humanity of it in every form.
Despite my rating i highly recommend this to anyone trying to build up a basic understanding of the range of experiences abortion can morph into. You won't walk away with a deep academic understanding of it medically, legally, or even philosophically. But you will see the humanity of it in every form.
March 28, 2024
This is an incredible and moving book. I am called to community support and mutual aid, as I think they are essential pieces in resistance. But radical compassion, required for these practices, is a skill I’m still learning. This book helps show what the world can look like through that lens.
However, I would not recommend it as a resource to change people who are against abortion. This book is more so (in my opinion) for people who already support the right to reproductive justice. To help us deepen and broaden our understanding of its importance and uncover some of our implicit biases so that we can be more effective in our advocacy and allyship.
However, I would not recommend it as a resource to change people who are against abortion. This book is more so (in my opinion) for people who already support the right to reproductive justice. To help us deepen and broaden our understanding of its importance and uncover some of our implicit biases so that we can be more effective in our advocacy and allyship.
October 5, 2025
3.25
Given it is the main other book about this topic that I have read, it is difficult to not compare this book to You're the only one I've told and in that comparison this book is worse. This book is very about the author and her own abortion journey, it doesnt spend a lot of time considering other people's stories outside of how it relates to the author. The language can sometimes feel a bit stilted.
This is still a largely good and insightful book but if you are going to just pick up one book on the topic, I would not pick this one.
Given it is the main other book about this topic that I have read, it is difficult to not compare this book to You're the only one I've told and in that comparison this book is worse. This book is very about the author and her own abortion journey, it doesnt spend a lot of time considering other people's stories outside of how it relates to the author. The language can sometimes feel a bit stilted.
This is still a largely good and insightful book but if you are going to just pick up one book on the topic, I would not pick this one.
October 13, 2023
Recommended by one of my clients which makes me happy. I learned a lot. Inspiring and kind and beautiful. I love the way she talks to/about her body with such gentle kindness like a friend. Powerful example of honoring one another and ministering to each other in those difficult moments of life while honoring each others sovereignty ❤️
April 20, 2024
Powerful and important. Long winded at times but made me think made me reflect and hold space.
July 6, 2024
- an important read
- a pull back behind the curtain on abortions
- appreciated the many voices that were uplifted to share the complex / nonchalant / difficult / easy etc etc etc feelings!
- feels like a book I would gift for pals to keep on their shelf
- a pull back behind the curtain on abortions
- appreciated the many voices that were uplifted to share the complex / nonchalant / difficult / easy etc etc etc feelings!
- feels like a book I would gift for pals to keep on their shelf
July 10, 2024
read this book. and then tell everyone else you know to read it.
May 30, 2023
A beautiful love letter to everyone struggling to make abortion care happen for those who need it.
February 22, 2024
Learned and refreshed knowledge :) written by a millennial
May 2, 2025
The author was SO inclusive (gender, race, class, religion etc) which provided information that I didn’t know about previously. Also loved how informative and filled with resources it was.
June 16, 2023
The most Incredibly beautiful, informative, loving book. I am so glad I read it and own it and can read it again and come back to all the amazing resources. Abortion is illegal where I live and reading these stories has encouraged me to learn more about helping people obtain the abortions they want and need.
May 28, 2023
I would gladly give this transformative book 10 stars. Beautifully written and enlightening. One of the most powerful books I’ve ever read.
June 4, 2023
Difficult and necessary and affirming reading. Everyone should own a copy.
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