What do you think?
Rate this book
The Lookback Window
A fearless debut novel of resilience, transcendence, and the elusive promise of justice.
Growing up in suburban New York, Dylan lived through the unfathomable: three years as a victim of sex trafficking at the hands of Vincent, a troubled young man who promised to marry Dylan when he turned eighteen. Years later—long after a police investigation that went nowhere, and after the statute of limitations for the crimes perpetrated against him have run out—the long shadow of Dylan’s trauma still looms over the fragile life in the city he’s managed to build with his fiancé, Moans, who knows little of Dylan’s past. His continued existence depends upon an all-important mantra: To survive, you live through it, but never look back.
Then a groundbreaking new law—the Child Victims Act—opens a new way forward: a one-year window during which Dylan can sue his abusers. But for someone who was trafficked as a child, does money represent justice—does his pain have a price? As Dylan is forced to look back at what happened to him and try to make sense of his past, he begins to explore a drug and sex-fueled world of bathhouses, clubs, and strangers’ apartments, only to emerge, barely alive, with a new clarity of purpose: a righteous determination to gaze, unflinching, upon the brutal men whose faces have haunted him for a decade, and to extract justice on his own terms.
By turns harrowing, lyrical, and beautiful, Hertz’s debut offers a startling glimpse at the unraveling of trauma—and the light that peeks, faintly, and often in surprising ways, from the other side of the window.
Growing up in suburban New York, Dylan lived through the unfathomable: three years as a victim of sex trafficking at the hands of Vincent, a troubled young man who promised to marry Dylan when he turned eighteen. Years later—long after a police investigation that went nowhere, and after the statute of limitations for the crimes perpetrated against him have run out—the long shadow of Dylan’s trauma still looms over the fragile life in the city he’s managed to build with his fiancé, Moans, who knows little of Dylan’s past. His continued existence depends upon an all-important mantra: To survive, you live through it, but never look back.
Then a groundbreaking new law—the Child Victims Act—opens a new way forward: a one-year window during which Dylan can sue his abusers. But for someone who was trafficked as a child, does money represent justice—does his pain have a price? As Dylan is forced to look back at what happened to him and try to make sense of his past, he begins to explore a drug and sex-fueled world of bathhouses, clubs, and strangers’ apartments, only to emerge, barely alive, with a new clarity of purpose: a righteous determination to gaze, unflinching, upon the brutal men whose faces have haunted him for a decade, and to extract justice on his own terms.
By turns harrowing, lyrical, and beautiful, Hertz’s debut offers a startling glimpse at the unraveling of trauma—and the light that peeks, faintly, and often in surprising ways, from the other side of the window.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published August 1, 2023
55 people are currently reading
15754 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 167 reviews
February 7, 2023
Oh, yeah, I wrote this. It's the Norman Fuckin Rockwell! by LDR of novels.
August 6, 2023
**Many thanks to @SimonBooks and Kyle Dillon Hertz for a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review! Now available as of 8.1!**
"There are some things that once you've lost, you never get back. Innocence is one. Love is another. I guess childhood is a third.“ - John Marsden
Dylan is 2 for 3: he lost his childhood AND innocence as a victim of sex trafficking at the hands of Vincent, a man who promised him love when he turned 18 in the form of a proposed marriage. Of course, this never came to pass, and all of the men who took advantage of Dylan still haunt him...but none have been brought to justice. To make matters worse, once the statute of limitations has passed, prosecution seems even further out of reach. Dylan is struggling to make life work with his husband, Moans, and tries not to think about the horrors of his past, as though reliving the trauma will make his current existence come crashing down.
When a new law is passed, however, the Child Victims Act seems like a beacon of hope: Dylan now has a one year window to sue his abusers. But in order to move forward, he's got to go back...and reliving some of his trauma takes him down a dangerous road. Will Dylan keep his secrets from the past a secret...AND keep his marriage intact? Will justice be swift..or is this chance at recourse too little, too late?
Anytime you're dealing with trauma...things get messy. Feelings are complex animals, no matter how you slice it, and I went into this read expecting to feel a sort of gut-wrenching empathy for our main character, as he rediscovered his past and attempted to find a future. I expected there to be descriptions and perhaps even graphic depictions of some of the abhorrent acts committed in his past.
What I didn't expect? Page after page after page of messy, overly descriptive, and at times NEEDLESSLY graphic stories of the MC's sex life. And this didn't focus solely on the events from his past, even...MUCH of this book is set in the present, which means long and wordy and frankly GROSS passages that were hardly even necessary. For instance...if someone is performing bodily functions in someone else's orifice, hearing about it once is already too much. I DO NOT need to keep reading things like that over and over. I almost DNFd this book soon after starting for this very reason, but I kept hoping things would get better...and sad to say, they did not.
Despite the blurb and what you are led to believe about this story, Dylan doesn't really even begin to fully tackle his issues until the book is 80% OVER...which means for the duration, you are mainly treated to all of the aforementioned loose behavior he is currently exhibiting in his life with husband Moans...and some other men too. (Sidenote: WHY would you call a character Moans? Just weird. 😬)
The one bright spot of this book were some lovely lines of prose hidden amongst the hazy, drugs-and-sex-fueled plot...but these tiny moments were nowhere near enough to save the narrative for me. I found myself skimming more often than I'd like, and even though this book clocks in at under 300 pages, it felt like a slog. I'm also grateful that this IS fiction, because in some respects it does almost read like a memoir....just not the type I'd prefer to read.
And while Dylan might have had a Window to Lookback through...I think he forgot to open the blinds first.
3 stars
"There are some things that once you've lost, you never get back. Innocence is one. Love is another. I guess childhood is a third.“ - John Marsden
Dylan is 2 for 3: he lost his childhood AND innocence as a victim of sex trafficking at the hands of Vincent, a man who promised him love when he turned 18 in the form of a proposed marriage. Of course, this never came to pass, and all of the men who took advantage of Dylan still haunt him...but none have been brought to justice. To make matters worse, once the statute of limitations has passed, prosecution seems even further out of reach. Dylan is struggling to make life work with his husband, Moans, and tries not to think about the horrors of his past, as though reliving the trauma will make his current existence come crashing down.
When a new law is passed, however, the Child Victims Act seems like a beacon of hope: Dylan now has a one year window to sue his abusers. But in order to move forward, he's got to go back...and reliving some of his trauma takes him down a dangerous road. Will Dylan keep his secrets from the past a secret...AND keep his marriage intact? Will justice be swift..or is this chance at recourse too little, too late?
Anytime you're dealing with trauma...things get messy. Feelings are complex animals, no matter how you slice it, and I went into this read expecting to feel a sort of gut-wrenching empathy for our main character, as he rediscovered his past and attempted to find a future. I expected there to be descriptions and perhaps even graphic depictions of some of the abhorrent acts committed in his past.
What I didn't expect? Page after page after page of messy, overly descriptive, and at times NEEDLESSLY graphic stories of the MC's sex life. And this didn't focus solely on the events from his past, even...MUCH of this book is set in the present, which means long and wordy and frankly GROSS passages that were hardly even necessary. For instance...if someone is performing bodily functions in someone else's orifice, hearing about it once is already too much. I DO NOT need to keep reading things like that over and over. I almost DNFd this book soon after starting for this very reason, but I kept hoping things would get better...and sad to say, they did not.
Despite the blurb and what you are led to believe about this story, Dylan doesn't really even begin to fully tackle his issues until the book is 80% OVER...which means for the duration, you are mainly treated to all of the aforementioned loose behavior he is currently exhibiting in his life with husband Moans...and some other men too. (Sidenote: WHY would you call a character Moans? Just weird. 😬)
The one bright spot of this book were some lovely lines of prose hidden amongst the hazy, drugs-and-sex-fueled plot...but these tiny moments were nowhere near enough to save the narrative for me. I found myself skimming more often than I'd like, and even though this book clocks in at under 300 pages, it felt like a slog. I'm also grateful that this IS fiction, because in some respects it does almost read like a memoir....just not the type I'd prefer to read.
And while Dylan might have had a Window to Lookback through...I think he forgot to open the blinds first.
3 stars
June 13, 2023
why yes it IS truly the norman fucking rockwell! of literature. man, this one was brutal.
I’m not sure how much, if any, of this book is drawn from Hertz’s own experience but the character of Dylan is written with such emotion and conviction that I had to keep reminding myself this was not a memoir. this is a really heavy read, not a happy or hopeful one. it’s a story of Dylan in the aftermath of being sexually abused as a teenager; adult Dylan is now getting married and starting to seek therapy and justice against the men who abused him.
it’s truly a sadly realistic look at the effects of abuse- he is a frustrating character to follow, you SO BADLY want to root for him, but he just keeps spiraling down destructive paths and decisions, relying heavily on drugs and other sexual experiences to fulfill. it’s very raw (it reminded me a lot of comp title Yes, Daddy ) and watching Dylan unravel can be difficult to stomach at times, but it’s a fascinating and important literary debut from Hertz.
I’m not sure how much, if any, of this book is drawn from Hertz’s own experience but the character of Dylan is written with such emotion and conviction that I had to keep reminding myself this was not a memoir. this is a really heavy read, not a happy or hopeful one. it’s a story of Dylan in the aftermath of being sexually abused as a teenager; adult Dylan is now getting married and starting to seek therapy and justice against the men who abused him.
it’s truly a sadly realistic look at the effects of abuse- he is a frustrating character to follow, you SO BADLY want to root for him, but he just keeps spiraling down destructive paths and decisions, relying heavily on drugs and other sexual experiences to fulfill. it’s very raw (it reminded me a lot of comp title Yes, Daddy ) and watching Dylan unravel can be difficult to stomach at times, but it’s a fascinating and important literary debut from Hertz.
August 15, 2023
I will be completely honest, I do not have the words to write a review that can fully express what I feel about this book.
While I do not think this is a book for everyone, I do think, this is one of the best pieces of literature I have ever read.
Maybe after sitting with it some more time I’ll adequately be able to express why I feel that way, but that day is not today. I’ll just end with, I’m grateful that there are writers in this world that can write about trauma and recovery and addiction and pain in such a beautiful and honest way, that someone else who NEEDS to read it will be able to connect with. It’s important and it’s difficult and it’s scary.
I hope this book finds every reader that needs it.
While I do not think this is a book for everyone, I do think, this is one of the best pieces of literature I have ever read.
Maybe after sitting with it some more time I’ll adequately be able to express why I feel that way, but that day is not today. I’ll just end with, I’m grateful that there are writers in this world that can write about trauma and recovery and addiction and pain in such a beautiful and honest way, that someone else who NEEDS to read it will be able to connect with. It’s important and it’s difficult and it’s scary.
I hope this book finds every reader that needs it.
March 4, 2023
one of those books that will flash before your eyes at the end of your life and remind you that at some point during your brief time on earth you’ve experienced literary greatness, no pressure to read tho haha
December 11, 2023
Review to come.
Read
January 1, 2024I read this a couple months back but never left a rating or review -- partly because it feels too big and heavy to talk about in a pithy little goodreads blurb. But the other day, a friend mentioned she just got this from the library on my recommendation, and the look on my face made her go, Wait, should I not? And I didn't mean to make a face or to dissuade anyone from picking this up. It's just ... heavy. If you, like me, first had access to the internet before your brain was fully developed, you've probably had the experience of falling down a rabbit hole, lost in time and space, and then you go one click too far and see something you can never unsee. Maybe you think about this thing you saw every couple months, even now, years later. Parts of this book feel like that. And I'm not sure I want to be responsible for throwing such a heavy thing at my friends.
The Lookback Window is vulnerable and sweaty and agonizing and raw and sometimes beautiful. But I thought about DNFing it pretty much the whole time I was reading it. I can't tell if it's a really important book or a book that tricks you into thinking it's important with its unflinching gratuitousness.
In an interview (linked here), when Hertz was asked about the Lana Del Ray comparison, he spoke about the Americanness of profanity -- something highlighted both in LDR's writing and in this novel. And that got me thinking about millennial American culture -- how we mainstreamed having tattoos in the workplace and swearing too much and having dogs instead of kids -- and it's because we understand, more that oun parents or grandparents did, that we live in a broken society, that we can't trust systems to take care of us. Systems have, of course, failed Dylan. So if this novel's profanity is intrinsically American, so too is Hertz's clear-eyed refusal to romanticize Dylan's trauma. Learning to live with PTSD isn't romantic or profound. The experience of reading this book is grueling because Dylan's daily survival is grueling. You can't skirt around that. And you can't look away because he won't let you:
Two more things on my mind: First, while reading this, I kept thinking about Emma Cline's most recent book, The Guest, another gorgeously written novel that made me feel alienated and sad -- probably because the protagonist is alienated and sad. While we never learn what's behind Cline's protagonist's destructive behavior, The Lookback Window centers (without glamorizing) the trauma, which makes for a more compelling character. Because Dylan also is narrating this story from some future point, we know he survives.
Second, before starting this novel, I suggested it to a book club I'm in with my work colleagues, who are mostly in their fifties and sixties, and holy fuck, I'm glad they didn't go for it.
The Lookback Window is vulnerable and sweaty and agonizing and raw and sometimes beautiful. But I thought about DNFing it pretty much the whole time I was reading it. I can't tell if it's a really important book or a book that tricks you into thinking it's important with its unflinching gratuitousness.
In an interview (linked here), when Hertz was asked about the Lana Del Ray comparison, he spoke about the Americanness of profanity -- something highlighted both in LDR's writing and in this novel. And that got me thinking about millennial American culture -- how we mainstreamed having tattoos in the workplace and swearing too much and having dogs instead of kids -- and it's because we understand, more that oun parents or grandparents did, that we live in a broken society, that we can't trust systems to take care of us. Systems have, of course, failed Dylan. So if this novel's profanity is intrinsically American, so too is Hertz's clear-eyed refusal to romanticize Dylan's trauma. Learning to live with PTSD isn't romantic or profound. The experience of reading this book is grueling because Dylan's daily survival is grueling. You can't skirt around that. And you can't look away because he won't let you:
"Time meant nothing. I woke up another day. Still waiting for the set designers to part the curtains on this divorced apartment and reveal the one true stage of my life: a locked room in Vincent's house. I waited for the chorus of men who had blown me apart to clap and whistle, saying, ENCORE. ENCORE. ENCORE" (211).
Two more things on my mind: First, while reading this, I kept thinking about Emma Cline's most recent book, The Guest, another gorgeously written novel that made me feel alienated and sad -- probably because the protagonist is alienated and sad. While we never learn what's behind Cline's protagonist's destructive behavior, The Lookback Window centers (without glamorizing) the trauma, which makes for a more compelling character. Because Dylan also is narrating this story from some future point, we know he survives.
Second, before starting this novel, I suggested it to a book club I'm in with my work colleagues, who are mostly in their fifties and sixties, and holy fuck, I'm glad they didn't go for it.
August 7, 2023
Woah, was not expecting this book at all. At times, it’s very sensual but those moments are eclipsed by dark, deep and tragic moments where the MC talks about the trauma of “surviving” his childhood, full of assault and child trafficking. Seriously — mentally prepare yourself for this. Props to the author who did a wonderful job with the nuisances of trauma and dealing with life after escaping a childhood full of misery and sadness.
March 1, 2023
Such a beautiful story about being haunted by the past and learning to let it go.
July 25, 2023
This is a tough book. It’s tough because its subject is the sex trafficking of a young boy that happens over a three-year period. Now an adult with the case long behind him, there is a special provision to The Childs Victim Act called, a lookback window that would provide a one-year period beyond the expired statute for Dylan to bring a case.
This is what happened, and what happens.
It’s what takes place when parents don’t see what’s happening to their child in front of them.
It’s about an adult trying to wrestle with the demons of his past while attempting to forge his way forward.
It’s about a system that’s broken, that routinely protects the perpetrators and the voices of the victims that have been silenced.
It’s about bravery, intimacy, recklessness, and numbness but also about hope.
It’s not just a phenomenal first novel, it’s a phenomenal novel period.
This is what happened, and what happens.
It’s what takes place when parents don’t see what’s happening to their child in front of them.
It’s about an adult trying to wrestle with the demons of his past while attempting to forge his way forward.
It’s about a system that’s broken, that routinely protects the perpetrators and the voices of the victims that have been silenced.
It’s about bravery, intimacy, recklessness, and numbness but also about hope.
It’s not just a phenomenal first novel, it’s a phenomenal novel period.
April 10, 2023
A devastating, angry, vengeful, powerful novel. What I love most about it is the beauty of the writing juxtaposed to the difficult subject and painful scenes. When I started reading it, I had that feeling you get when you find writing that fits into that empty space inside of you. Hertz does not hold back, but it's necessary to be truthful and naked and skinless here. There are no easy answers, no perfect solutions, only a sense of trying and failing and trying again, the best way someone can when their life has been shaped by terror. A stunning debut novel.
October 22, 2023
A rush. Confessional, shocking and tense, it deftly tells a serious tale about a serious subject without feeling heavy. Lustrous.
February 10, 2024
I don’t know how to properly express my feelings about this book. It’s so dark, dealing with childhood sexual assault, the main character was trafficked for three years as a young teenager. As an adult, when it’s past the statute of limitations, a new law called the Child Victims Act allows people who were sexually abused as children one year to be able to sue their abusers. As the clock is ticking down Dylan has to decide whether he wants to use this new law to sue… or to go after his abusers in a different way.
This book is HEAVY. Definitely know going into it that there is so much discussion and on page depictions of rape, other forms of abuse, and the ways that those experiences still impact Dylan well into his adulthood. There’s also a lot of content surrounding drugs and addiction. This is one of those books where you’re watching the character make unwise decisions over and over again. It’s always understandable why that happens, but you just want to root for things to improve.
This book is HEAVY. Definitely know going into it that there is so much discussion and on page depictions of rape, other forms of abuse, and the ways that those experiences still impact Dylan well into his adulthood. There’s also a lot of content surrounding drugs and addiction. This is one of those books where you’re watching the character make unwise decisions over and over again. It’s always understandable why that happens, but you just want to root for things to improve.
August 7, 2023
How do you rate and review a book that was terrible? Terrible in the that this book broke me and I never want to read it again. If you have had or are close to someone who has had any sort of childhood trauma (rape, assault, torture, abuse, drugs, sex trafficking), you will not want to read this. It was graphic (underage and adult sexual situations) and upsetting and it hurt my heart. And to know that the author wrote this based on his own similar experiences, it just...it's unimaginable. Horrifying. I need a Disney movie and a rom com stat. The author did what he set out to do, what any author sets out to do, make the reader feel something. I could not relate to a word of this book and I will feel it for a long time. I just didn't like one thing that's a spoiler - And I know that's not really what this book is about, it's about Dylan and his growth and bravery and facing his trauma and putting it in the past, but as an outside observer, I wanted, no needed, something to happen that didn't. But is also a reality for many abused children.
I received a paperback and e-book ARC from Simon & Schuster and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I received a paperback and e-book ARC from Simon & Schuster and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
June 15, 2023
I received a copy of this book from NetGalley and the Publisher in exchange for an honest review*
This debut was so so so visceral, brutal, and real.
Our protagonist has been constantly running from the abuse and sex-trafficking forced onto him as a child. Constantly looking forward to survive, the Child Victims Act has forced him to look back upon his trauma. His present day life begins to crumble as his past tortures him daily. How do we get justice for these heinous acts? What does it mean to survive? How do we go on and live a normal life after surviving such abuse?
This has no holds barred, and comes at you with such raw honesty.
Make sure you come at this book from a good mental space, there are no euphemisms here to hide behind.
This debut was so so so visceral, brutal, and real.
Our protagonist has been constantly running from the abuse and sex-trafficking forced onto him as a child. Constantly looking forward to survive, the Child Victims Act has forced him to look back upon his trauma. His present day life begins to crumble as his past tortures him daily. How do we get justice for these heinous acts? What does it mean to survive? How do we go on and live a normal life after surviving such abuse?
This has no holds barred, and comes at you with such raw honesty.
Make sure you come at this book from a good mental space, there are no euphemisms here to hide behind.
July 6, 2023
I just finished the novel and I have to say that it is an emotionally exhausting read. I don’t mean that in a bad way, it is just so real.
Multiple characters in the book have dealt with abuse as a child (sexual, emotional, physical). It follows the character Dylan as he navigates his life as an adult post abuse and the choices he makes trying to deal with the trauma.
It shows that all people deal with trauma in different ways. I felt that the author dealt with Dylan’s emotions in a very real way. So often we turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, and self destructive behavior when we are dealing with trauma. I think he portrayed the characters very honestly, which is refreshing to read.
I think it is a good first novel and would definitely read more from the author.
Multiple characters in the book have dealt with abuse as a child (sexual, emotional, physical). It follows the character Dylan as he navigates his life as an adult post abuse and the choices he makes trying to deal with the trauma.
It shows that all people deal with trauma in different ways. I felt that the author dealt with Dylan’s emotions in a very real way. So often we turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, and self destructive behavior when we are dealing with trauma. I think he portrayed the characters very honestly, which is refreshing to read.
I think it is a good first novel and would definitely read more from the author.
August 23, 2023
“A thousand boys were keeping secrets.”
I went into this with unfair expectations- low. Only based off a lot of bad queer lit I have read recently.
Hertz is not here for the fucking around.
The directness, the truth, the discomfort, the trauma. It’s wrapped up beautifully even when it is unraveling.
It has been a long time since a contemporary queer novel did what this one did.
Update: this book tells A Little Life to have a seat.
I went into this with unfair expectations- low. Only based off a lot of bad queer lit I have read recently.
Hertz is not here for the fucking around.
The directness, the truth, the discomfort, the trauma. It’s wrapped up beautifully even when it is unraveling.
It has been a long time since a contemporary queer novel did what this one did.
Update: this book tells A Little Life to have a seat.
September 21, 2023
Gut-wrenching. Marvellous voice.
December 31, 2023
This author is a really, really good writer who wrote a really, really depressing book. It's the story of a young man, Dylan, who was victimized by an older man when he was a teenager, and was prostituted to other older men. The story takes place as Dylan is getting ready to marry his boyfriend, Moans (come on, what kind of name is that?). He seems to have a hopeful future ahead of him, but then his past trauma catches up to him with the opening of the Lookback Window, an opportunity for child victims to go after their abusers even though the statute of limitations is past. He only has a certain amount of time to find the people who did the bad things to him, and the time pressure combined with the need to relive the trauma is too much for his relationship and almost for his life.
Although I said this book is depressing, that's not the only reason it wasn't my favorite. Here is something you will very rarely hear me say: There is too much sex in this book. I don't have a problem with books about gay sex -- that's hot -- but I do have a problem with scene after scene of it, most of which is either meaningless (and the characters know that, too) or just gross because it consists of someone victimizing someone else. It actually started to make me queasy after a while. Although the story ends with some hope for Dylan's future, it is still just a sad, sad book, and I'm glad it was short. I really hope to see the author tackle a less depressing subject in future books.
Although I said this book is depressing, that's not the only reason it wasn't my favorite. Here is something you will very rarely hear me say: There is too much sex in this book. I don't have a problem with books about gay sex -- that's hot -- but I do have a problem with scene after scene of it, most of which is either meaningless (and the characters know that, too) or just gross because it consists of someone victimizing someone else. It actually started to make me queasy after a while. Although the story ends with some hope for Dylan's future, it is still just a sad, sad book, and I'm glad it was short. I really hope to see the author tackle a less depressing subject in future books.
Want to read
April 11, 2024A Little Life found dead in a ditch.
April 28, 2023
You don't so much read this book as experience it. I don't even feel right reviewing it because the book doesn't maintain an arms length distance from the reader, if that makes any sense. The book provides an unvarnished look at the messiness of recovery from childhood sexual abuse. Dylan is getting better but is also doubling back and recreating trauma to try to beat it this time. One of the toughest parts to read was the slow process of acceptance of what he had lost, including what he could have been. The book redefines heroism as the actions needed to move away from mere survival, and there is no cheap sentimentality attached to the concept at all. Dylan wants what he calls vengeance and not justice but I think he is too hard on himself. Justice is so elusive for him that he doesn't feel entitled to it. Thanks to the author for this unflinching journey with this character.
Thanks to NetGalley for the eARC!
Thanks to NetGalley for the eARC!
June 30, 2023
A glaring look at the aftermath of sexual trauma in a way that was at times difficult to read but deeply necessary. Challenging to even come up with the words to describe this one but a must read for anyone thinking about trauma, varying modes of justice, revenge, relationships, and where the Self fits into all of that. Wonderful debut from Hertz, excited to see what is to come! Thank you NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for a review!
May 25, 2024
I love a book that truly grasps the concept of “trauma affects people in different ways.”
A GR friend who read this mentioned it as a “graphic and brutal” book, and it very much is, just not in the way I expected. It’s sexually graphic, for sure, rather than violently graphic, although there’s the occasional violent description of an incident or two. More than anything, it’s absolutely brutal in the way the protagonist tries to cope and deal with his trauma. It’s reminiscent of Jude from A Little Life besides the fact that Dylan actually wants to recover at the end of the day and just can’t figure out how, rather than accepting defeat and believing life will never get better, like Jude. (That’s probably why I couldn’t stand A Little Life but thoroughly enjoyed this novel.)
It’s not an easy read, and at times it’s downright heartbreaking, but in the end it’s really worth it. Can’t wait to read some more from Hertz if he writes another novel.
A GR friend who read this mentioned it as a “graphic and brutal” book, and it very much is, just not in the way I expected. It’s sexually graphic, for sure, rather than violently graphic, although there’s the occasional violent description of an incident or two. More than anything, it’s absolutely brutal in the way the protagonist tries to cope and deal with his trauma. It’s reminiscent of Jude from A Little Life besides the fact that Dylan actually wants to recover at the end of the day and just can’t figure out how, rather than accepting defeat and believing life will never get better, like Jude. (That’s probably why I couldn’t stand A Little Life but thoroughly enjoyed this novel.)
It’s not an easy read, and at times it’s downright heartbreaking, but in the end it’s really worth it. Can’t wait to read some more from Hertz if he writes another novel.
June 17, 2025
Rating: 3.5 Stars rounded up.
"The Lookback Window" is certainly quite the heavy novel. It includes some mildly graphic scenes of youth sexual assault, and shows a character living with the effects those events had on him.
I actually really liked Dylan as a character, even if I didn't like him as a person. I feel that there is often this sort of expectation for someone to be "the perfect victim", to show they have been affected by what happened to them but not in any way that could be deemed "problematic", when in reality many of the ways we cope simply aren't that nice and clean.
My only big issue with this book was the pacing. It felt like things were barely, if at all, moving for the majority of the book, and then everything just happens at once. I would've preferred had some earlier scenes been cut and the ending given more space.
"The Lookback Window" is certainly quite the heavy novel. It includes some mildly graphic scenes of youth sexual assault, and shows a character living with the effects those events had on him.
I actually really liked Dylan as a character, even if I didn't like him as a person. I feel that there is often this sort of expectation for someone to be "the perfect victim", to show they have been affected by what happened to them but not in any way that could be deemed "problematic", when in reality many of the ways we cope simply aren't that nice and clean.
My only big issue with this book was the pacing. It felt like things were barely, if at all, moving for the majority of the book, and then everything just happens at once. I would've preferred had some earlier scenes been cut and the ending given more space.
May 28, 2025
Heartbreakingly beautiful and accurate description of a journey of healing from trauma. This is a definite, look at the trigger warnings kind of book.
The author did such a good job at describing what the main character feels and why he does such reckless and self destructive actions.
We see the processing of the past, the set backs, I found this book raw of emotions.
I still have some internal conflicts about some of Dylan’s decisions, but I truly felt and understood some of his choices.
I would caution people that it could be more of a slow book if the feelings and emotions aren’t enough to carry you through this journey. This is in no way action filled, but it is a huge emotional journey.
The Lookback Window is such a beautiful title for this beautiful story.
The author did such a good job at describing what the main character feels and why he does such reckless and self destructive actions.
We see the processing of the past, the set backs, I found this book raw of emotions.
I still have some internal conflicts about some of Dylan’s decisions, but I truly felt and understood some of his choices.
I would caution people that it could be more of a slow book if the feelings and emotions aren’t enough to carry you through this journey. This is in no way action filled, but it is a huge emotional journey.
The Lookback Window is such a beautiful title for this beautiful story.
April 16, 2025
This book is brutal. It is raw. It is dark. It is disturbing. In the context of the Child Victims Act (CVA), a "lookback window" is a specific period of time during which survivors of child sexual abuse can file lawsuits for previously time-barred claims, meaning claims that would have been ineligible due to expired statutes of limitations. This window offers a renewed opportunity for these victims to seek justice, even if the abuse occurred decades ago. This book is just that. Dylan a 30 yr old man that was a victim of child sex trafficking at the age of 14. His “look back window” is getting ready to close so he’s stuck with the decision to open up past wounds and report these crimes, or simply move on with his life. Endless therapy. Life long trauma. This book can easily be a trigger for anyone reading it. It’s extremely graphic but needs to be given the topic at hand. Throughout reading it I wonder how much of this could have been the authors own life. It’s weird to say I “liked” or “loved it” given the brutality of it but it certainly shines a light on the levels of abuse that so many children face today.
December 17, 2023
THE LOOKBACK WINDOW is a gut-punch of a read, a challenging, daring, dark, sensual whole meal of that introduces us to a powerful new voice in queer fiction.
Dylan was 14 years old when he was trafficked by an older teen who promised to marry him when he grew up. After spending three years in a drug-fueled ensnared relationship with his captor, Vincent, he found a way to escape, finding new friends, ways to reclaim his sexuality, and a new partner. But when New York State introduces the Child Victims Act - a one year window that would allow Dylan to sue his abusers (who are still out in the world), his life begins to crumble, first in small pieces and then in seismic chunks. This year of Dylan's life - when he's about to find peace in marriage and success in creative endeavors - is the hazy and hazardous year that readers are exposed to.
Readers, beware: This novel does not hold back as we peel back the layers of Dylan's experience and watch him reflect raggedly on his past and (potentially) ruin his future. But the best tough love stories are full of pain, and what Kyle Dillon Hertz does on the page here is spectacular in its imagery, in its illustration of hurt, and in the ways it serves as a lighthouse voice for so many who have experienced abuse at the hands of others. Dylan's first-person narration makes the experience more upsetting as you join him on the journey of revisiting his past. It's a story that hurts because it feels so real, so scarily possible. The interior reflections cut to the core. The imagery is vivid, the writing is raw, the plot dips between sensual, stimulating, sudden, and surreal. It's a special book. I'm glad I read it.
Dylan was 14 years old when he was trafficked by an older teen who promised to marry him when he grew up. After spending three years in a drug-fueled ensnared relationship with his captor, Vincent, he found a way to escape, finding new friends, ways to reclaim his sexuality, and a new partner. But when New York State introduces the Child Victims Act - a one year window that would allow Dylan to sue his abusers (who are still out in the world), his life begins to crumble, first in small pieces and then in seismic chunks. This year of Dylan's life - when he's about to find peace in marriage and success in creative endeavors - is the hazy and hazardous year that readers are exposed to.
Readers, beware: This novel does not hold back as we peel back the layers of Dylan's experience and watch him reflect raggedly on his past and (potentially) ruin his future. But the best tough love stories are full of pain, and what Kyle Dillon Hertz does on the page here is spectacular in its imagery, in its illustration of hurt, and in the ways it serves as a lighthouse voice for so many who have experienced abuse at the hands of others. Dylan's first-person narration makes the experience more upsetting as you join him on the journey of revisiting his past. It's a story that hurts because it feels so real, so scarily possible. The interior reflections cut to the core. The imagery is vivid, the writing is raw, the plot dips between sensual, stimulating, sudden, and surreal. It's a special book. I'm glad I read it.
December 9, 2023
“The Lookback Window” is a debut novel by D. Hertz, which has been published in NY earlier this year and is becoming more and more popular among 18+ readers. It is considered to be queer literature but the topics that have been raised by author could echo thought the whole society. The main plot of the novel is around a young man who is a victim of sex trafficking and around his own way of managing this horrible experience. Definitely, this novel could help some people to understand the nature of the sexual abuse trauma better but for some individuals it could be a pure remedy.
Dylan, the main character, is a good-looking young man who has a husband, who loves him a lot, a friend, who is always ready to support him, he lives a beautiful live in Brooklyn and all this looks just perfect from the very first glance but in fact it is not what it looks like. There is a horrible past of Dylan which never lets him go despite all his efforts to escape and forget it. On the one hand, the author tells us an extensive story about sexual abuse through Dylan’s flashbacks which have a direct impact on his everyday life, his marriage, and his close circle. On the other hand, Mr. Hertz shares a little with the readers about the emotional experience of Dylan’s husband which is very upsetting since it looks like he could have done more to help his partner to overcome the relationship crisis. Don’t you think that instead of having numerous sexual scenes, it would have been more valuable adding more heroes’ perceptions of the trauma? Perhaps, this has been done deliberately by the author to make the readers fill this with their own ideas and suggestions.
Reading this book, you can visit NY, which is always exciting, especially when the author gives a splendid insight of the city life. “People move to Brooklyn, and the next day start screaming about gentrification. It’s a rite of passage to pretend you have lived here longer than you really have” – a brilliant short summary that you might have heard from your friends who have just moved to the big city. Do not show them this since it could hurt their self-esteem. And again, it would have been more beneficial to have more details about living in Brooklyn which could have helped the readers to feel the vibe of the neighborhood which has a significant impact on the lifestyle.
Even having some incompleteness, this novel keeps you intrigued till the very end which is absolutely great since you can get all kinds of emotions, namely: empathy and anger, fear and hope, amazement and disgust. All of those make this debut successful and give us hope that the author can hear the readers and make a new novel which could be more complex and picturesque.
Dylan, the main character, is a good-looking young man who has a husband, who loves him a lot, a friend, who is always ready to support him, he lives a beautiful live in Brooklyn and all this looks just perfect from the very first glance but in fact it is not what it looks like. There is a horrible past of Dylan which never lets him go despite all his efforts to escape and forget it. On the one hand, the author tells us an extensive story about sexual abuse through Dylan’s flashbacks which have a direct impact on his everyday life, his marriage, and his close circle. On the other hand, Mr. Hertz shares a little with the readers about the emotional experience of Dylan’s husband which is very upsetting since it looks like he could have done more to help his partner to overcome the relationship crisis. Don’t you think that instead of having numerous sexual scenes, it would have been more valuable adding more heroes’ perceptions of the trauma? Perhaps, this has been done deliberately by the author to make the readers fill this with their own ideas and suggestions.
Reading this book, you can visit NY, which is always exciting, especially when the author gives a splendid insight of the city life. “People move to Brooklyn, and the next day start screaming about gentrification. It’s a rite of passage to pretend you have lived here longer than you really have” – a brilliant short summary that you might have heard from your friends who have just moved to the big city. Do not show them this since it could hurt their self-esteem. And again, it would have been more beneficial to have more details about living in Brooklyn which could have helped the readers to feel the vibe of the neighborhood which has a significant impact on the lifestyle.
Even having some incompleteness, this novel keeps you intrigued till the very end which is absolutely great since you can get all kinds of emotions, namely: empathy and anger, fear and hope, amazement and disgust. All of those make this debut successful and give us hope that the author can hear the readers and make a new novel which could be more complex and picturesque.
August 14, 2024
Told with a detached urgency, this was heavy, uncomfortable, and spectacular. The immense impact of trauma on us, our lives, and the lives of those around us. The incredible strength and bravery it takes to confront and deal with, and the questions and doubts of who we might be without it when (if?) we come out the other side.
Just... wow.
Just... wow.
August 31, 2023
After stumbling upon this as a recommendation, I was intrigued by the synopsis enough to read it immediately. Unfortunately, some of the book just fell flat for me.
The book got a lot correct -- the lasting, enduring, and brutal effects that trauma have upon a victim's life. Human trafficking is a unique form of trauma that, in turn, has unique manifestations. Hertz did a great job highlighting the way in which Dylan's C-PTSD worked its way into all facets of his life -- his relationships, his attitudes towards sex and intimacy, his self-worth, and sense of purpose. The relationship that substance use has with trauma was portrayed honestly and accurately -- the two almost always overlap with one another.
There was some great skill in the writing, and I have to commend Hertz for his prose style.
Regarding the actual "lookback window" itself -- it felt that it, as a plot device, was actually not focused on as much as it could've been. It was mentioned here and there, mainly that the window was closing, and then ultimately we got to the point where the window had closed -- but we received this news without much fanfare.
Overall, Dylan was an intriguing character, and my soul ached for him -- and for all the victims who have been forced to live a life like his.
The subject matter approached in this book is so important -- and some of it was handled very well. It was not the most profound book on the topic I've ever come across, but it was enjoyable. I did find myself reading smaller portions at a time rather than sitting down and reading the book all the way through -- it was by no means a page turner.
I would encourage readers to approach this book with caution, as there are a great deal of trigger warnings that come along with it -- many dealing with sexual victimization.
The book got a lot correct -- the lasting, enduring, and brutal effects that trauma have upon a victim's life. Human trafficking is a unique form of trauma that, in turn, has unique manifestations. Hertz did a great job highlighting the way in which Dylan's C-PTSD worked its way into all facets of his life -- his relationships, his attitudes towards sex and intimacy, his self-worth, and sense of purpose. The relationship that substance use has with trauma was portrayed honestly and accurately -- the two almost always overlap with one another.
There was some great skill in the writing, and I have to commend Hertz for his prose style.
Regarding the actual "lookback window" itself -- it felt that it, as a plot device, was actually not focused on as much as it could've been. It was mentioned here and there, mainly that the window was closing, and then ultimately we got to the point where the window had closed -- but we received this news without much fanfare.
Overall, Dylan was an intriguing character, and my soul ached for him -- and for all the victims who have been forced to live a life like his.
The subject matter approached in this book is so important -- and some of it was handled very well. It was not the most profound book on the topic I've ever come across, but it was enjoyable. I did find myself reading smaller portions at a time rather than sitting down and reading the book all the way through -- it was by no means a page turner.
I would encourage readers to approach this book with caution, as there are a great deal of trigger warnings that come along with it -- many dealing with sexual victimization.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 167 reviews