Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition

by Emily Gregory, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan

Genres: Nonfiction, Communication, Self Help, Business, Leadership, Audiobook, Management

1 pages, Audio CD

Published December 7, 2021

Reviews

[Travis Howey · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read (listened) to this for work. Man I hate self help books.

[Morgan Isern · Rating 3 out of 5]

Gosh this book was a struggle to get through (hence it taking me nearly a year to finish LOL). I feel like there are so many great principles in this book and that there are genuine takeaways I can and hope to apply professionally and personally. But that’s also the problem - there are SO MANY takeaways. The number of acronyms and lists that they encourage you to apply in a situation are, quite frankly, overwhelming. This would be a good book to keep on your shelf as a reference, but I think will be tough to organically apply on its own.

[staci ❥ · Rating 2 out of 5]

read for work

[Deanna Hughes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely would take a lot of practice to get all the skills down.

[Chelsea Swanstrom · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of those popular psychology books that I actually believe to be beneficial. Communicating well, active listening, true exchange of ideas, that shit ain't easy. Will definitely recommend.
On the flip side, an all white male business consultant group of authors. A female medical doctor was added for the 3rd edition.
Talks for less than one page about cultural differences. Says nothing of neurodivergence. So a very privileged and traditional approach to business and success. The example of talking to employees who only just do the job...yeah, covid made us quit quietly darlings, there are bigger issues than communication at play there like toxic work expectations and capitalism.
Like any other self help book, it's just a collection of the ingredients, not the recipe. Use what works for you.

[Pete Mosse · Rating 3 out of 5]

My regret is that I put this book off and ended up going through it a little too fast when it was time to read it. I hope to revisit someday.

First, listening to this book is a little rough since there are roughly a billion acronyms. Otherwise, it was great. Even without memorizing or "studying" the acronyms, the authors did a great job at identifying, explaining, and teaching principles about work and personal conversations. I was able to see things in my life (past and present) that related to the experience in the book, and use the tools immediately. Again, there was a ton of stuff, but the foundation was good enough to help people make changes.

3 stars because it was impactful, did not feel like a long read and stayed interesting, but would be better as a class or seminar with all the detailed lessons and acronyms.

[Corey Friedrich]

Rarely has a book ever felt so instantly applicable. Some people might be good enough at difficult conversations not to really need this book, but for those of us who aren’t good at them, this is a very important book to read. It was also a very stressful read because it made me think about real and imaginary difficult conversations that I would love to avoid. So just be aware that if you have an aversion to conflict, this book may get your heart racing a bit. For that reason I want to sit with it and give it a rating after some time has passed.

[Kayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was lent to me by my new boss when I asked if there was any books or classes he recommended for someone stepping into a supervisory role. After a few chapters I purchased my own copy of the audiobook version because I knew I’d want to revisit the lessons as they became more relevant to me as I progressed in my new position.

The audio version is extremely engaging, as this novel is a class in itself it could’ve been delivered very straight up and boring but the chosen narrators are clearly professionals in public speaking and delivered it more like an engaging seminar or a TED talk.

Would recommend this to anyone who wants to work on their communication skills, professionally and personally.

[Kai Fawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I work in communications. This is one of the most valuable books I’ve ever read on the topic, and I ordered my own copy to keep on hand as a reference. The drawback: I had to order that copy. There are too many models, too many acronyms, too high a density of intended takeaways for reading and note taking. That said, I don’t want to negate the power of this content. When many business books are the equivalent of a blog post expanded to 250 pages, this one offers true benefit if you can stick with it! Read it in chunks, use it as a reference, and practice the methods as you go. You will absolutely find value.

[Kelly Alone · Rating 5 out of 5]

High ratings for this book as it gives a lot of information for dealing with difficult situations and how to manage them and turn them into productive conversations. There are a lot of take-aways but the multiple examples allow you to tuck the idea for management away for later. Definitely one to come back to again and again.

[Jacob Steckbeck · Rating 4 out of 5]

The is quality but very hr coded

[Holly Towns · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good for what it is. Realistic tips for home and work.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read for a work book club. Great thoughts and concepts to discuss and use.

[Savya Gupta]

An amazing book that helps you with tools to converse in difficult or uncomfortable situations

[Rachel Hardaker · Rating 3 out of 5]

bet your bottom dollar my school books will be counted towards my reading goal

[Carson Luster · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amazing-if everyone lived by this book, the world would be a different place

[Becca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of good advice, acronyms, and things that will be difficult to remember when tensions run high and you're actually trying to navigate a crucial conversation. Probably better to read it chapter at a time, than listen to the audio like I did. Unfortunately, I found it sort of dry and much like a textbook. Unlikely to make profound impact, knowing my learning style.

[Fernando Santa Cruz Ruiz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cómo llevar conversaciones importantes y cruciales a buen puerto, pienso que es una de las habilidades más ignoradas en la vida profesional y personal.

En muchas ocasiones creemos que simplemente es parte de la vida y listo, que no hay mucho que hacer. Nos resignamos diciendo: “es parte de mi personalidad”, “es la otra persona”, “no me entienden”, etc.

Este libro es una clara muestra de que siempre hay una mejor manera de hacerlo.

Al terminar de leerlo, me quedé con la sensación de “¡wow! Hay mucho que mejorar”, y veo claramente que esta es una habilidad que va a requerir múltiples lecturas de este y otros libros sobre conversaciones y comunicación. Afortunadamente presenta frameworks de cómo hacerlo bien. A un punto de que preferiría ignorarlo.

Honestamente es un skill intimidante. No es fácil, requiere conocimiento, MUCHA práctica y un auténtico interés por mejorar las habilidades de comunicación.

Como todo lo que vale la pena en la vida, no es sencillo. Requiere esfuerzo y dedicación, pero las recompensas son grandiosas para llevar una vida feliz y plena.

[Lex Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was recommended by a former supervisor whose leadership style really admire.

I found some really useful strategies for having tough conversations with others, both in a work environment and in the "real" world. As we wade into a hazy political future, I think this book might be particularly valuable even though it is fairly work-oriented.

I also found that while the book didn't touch on this specifically, I gained some lessons in how to talk to myself when my internal conversations start getting very critical. How to temper my responses, how to process my emotions, etc.

There is a lot to remember, and it has a few irksome moments that most self-help books tend to have (overlong intro, so many "help you remember" acronyms that you need an acronym to remember the acronyms) but I think a lot of the important elements will stick with me and help me to become a better communicator. Which is to say that this book succeeds at what it is trying to do, and I can see why it is so frequently read and recommended.

[Jacqueline Mata · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great tips for having important conversations, both professional and personal. That said... there were a lot of acronyms/steps/phases to have to remember. Trying to remember all during a time when emotions are high would be difficult for most people.

Overall, these are my main takeaways for dealing with crucial conversations:

- "Start with heart": Establish that you have good intentions. Also, be honest with yourself... are your intentions actually good?
- "Make it safe": Show that you're open to hearing someone's real opinions and that you won't punish them for giving an answer you don't like.
- Agree on a mutual purpose. Don't frame the issue as "Me vs. You," but rather "Me and you vs. the problem."
- Don't tell yourself "Stories": Keep in mind what are facts, and what are assumptions (or "stories") that you're making up about the other person's behavior. When things get heated, empathize by thinking "Why would a reasonable, rational person have this reaction?"
- Agree on follow-ups.

[Declan McKenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I believe social skills are a skill to be studied and improved upon like any other. The problem is there are no academic qualifications or authorities on social skills. So called ‘self help’ books are of variable quality and often written by authors imparting counter productive advice.

Crucial conversations is one of the best books which based on years of research. However it is the opposite of most self help books which are 10% content and 90% inspirational examples. There is a lot to take in, and as it focuses on high stakes conflict based scenarios the opportunity to practice what you’ve learnt doesn’t come often so it takes a bit of graft to take it in.

For those new to such books, How to win friends and influence people or captivate might be better starting points. However this book is worth reading alone for the introduction on how to handle your emotions in emotional or anxiety inducing conversations.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will change your life if you put the concepts learned into practice. I've failed many times in conversations since I've read it, but I've succeeded in more.

Memorable Quotes:

“People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool--even ideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs. Now, obviously they don't agree with every idea; they simply do their best to ensure that all ideas find their way into the open.”

“Respect is like air. As long as it's present, nobody thinks about it. But if you take it away, it's all that people can think about. The instant people perceive disrespect in a conversation, the interaction is no longer about the original purpose—it is now about defending dignity.”

[Ben Lucas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Turned out to have some really valuable insights into communication.

Identifying whether a conversation is Content, Process, or Relationship based alone can untangle a number of uncomfortable and confusing interactions, especially in the workplace.

Trying to communicate from the heart and postpone hasty generalizations or unhelpful narratives can lead us to see things as they really are in our interpersonal relationships.

As some other reviewers mention, there is more in this book than can reasonably be put into practice immediately and some of our most primal instincts (the fight/flight response for example) work subconsciously against us when we are trying to make reasonable decisions in high-intensity conversations.

That doesn’t mean we cannot try to communicate better.

[Humanbeing5421 · Rating 4 out of 5]

The writers did qualitative research in business settings to identify the best ways to engage in crucial conversations. They introduce the "fools choice", which is a common dilemma people encounter in both personal and professional situations. It is the dilemma between saying something and staying quiet when the conversation could have detrimental outcomes. I valued the insights this book gave and appreciated the research based approach. Unfortunately, there was some religious content in the later chapters which I found deviated from the research based information contained in most of the book. It was a good read.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this to be very enlightening on seeing how I think versus what is a more logical line of thought, and how that affects my conversations and relationships.

While the book was extremely helpful in that, there were sections that I found would have been significantly improved had Biblical truths been applied. The authors sometimes left space for that, which was fine (but felt incomplete), but at other times they missed the mark as a result. Even so, it was one I’d like to return to for more refinement of these newly-learned skills!

The audiobook was excellent, and likely the only way I finished it this decade.

[Nate · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had a lot of good information in it and certainly made me look hard at the conversations I've been avoiding. It affirmed that I already do a good job in the conversations I have, but highlighted the pitfalls of avoiding conversations that need to be had in an effort to "smooth things over" when it really only makes things worse.

My main negative with this book is that I felt it was constantly trying to justify itself and it's authors by talking about the places where the concepts had "made a huge impact" or some such platitude. We've already bought the book. We're reading it. You don't need to keep selling us on it. The material itself should do that.

[Mark Nutting · Rating 5 out of 5]

Communication is one of those areas that everyone needs to work on. Whether you’re having conversations with your business partner, an employee, or your significant other, clear, cooperative communication is essential to moving forward with understanding. This is a book on improving our communication skills particularly when they are high-stakes conversations. The authors walk you through many scenarios and dissect how those critical exchanges could and should go. Again, the skills described can be utilized in business or in your personal lives. I highly recommend this book. 5 out of 5 stars

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

It really started off well and it seemed manageable. However, with each chapter came a new set of acronyms to remember what to do in a given conversation. After 4 or 5 chapters, the acronyms and what I'm supposed to do just became a bowl of acronym soup. So, yes, lots of helpful information. However, it would really take deliberate thought and practice to identify the particular situation, then to recall the appropriate acronym, then remember what each letter in the acronym stands for, and then do it. Not that it wouldn't be worthwhile to go through that, but it seems as if it could be made easier.

[Jackie Petosa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was one I will definitely keep handy. I really enjoyed the scripts which gave me a better idea of how I want my words to sound in such hard conversations. They gave a broad range of scenarios which I appreciated too. Sometimes I felt like the scripts sounded a little cliche or cringey, and thats my only critic of this book. I will have to find a way to implement these methods while maintaining my personality and keeping the conversation genuine and less like corporate jargon. Overall, I think this has been an influential book and would recommend to everyone and anyone.

[Derek · Rating 5 out of 5]

such an important read. I've referred back to this book when talking to others. It really helps you understand others well and create a safe space for I wish it talked a little bit about the different types of listening more. Some place more load on the person you're talking to than others, as well as what to do if someone is emotionally drained and or in fight or flight.
It reinforces without saying that being direct and avoiding conversations only makes the situation worse, which is what I needed. read this over "how to make friends and influence people"