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Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Memoir & Autobiography (2023)Jinger Vuolo, the sixth child in the famous Duggar family of TLC's 19 Kids and Counting and Counting On, recounts how she began to question the unhealthy ideology of her youth and learned to embrace true freedom in Christ.
When Jinger Duggar Vuolo was growing up, she was convinced that obeying the rules was the key to success and God's favor. She zealously promoted the Basic Life Principles of Bill Gothard,
fastidiously obeying the modesty guidelines (no shorts or jeans, only dresses),
eagerly submitting to the umbrella of authority (any disobedience of parents would place her outside God's protection),
promoting the relationship standard of courtship, and
avoiding any music with a worldly beat, among others.
Jinger, along with three of her sisters, wrote a New York Times bestseller about their religious convictions. She believed this level of commitment would guarantee God's blessing, even though in private she felt constant fear that she wasn't measuring up to the high standards demanded of her.
In Becoming Free Indeed, Jinger shares how in her early twenties, a new family member--a brother-in-law who didn't grow up in the same tight-knit conservative circle as Jinger--caused her to examine her beliefs. He was committed to the Bible, but he didn't believe many of the things Jinger had always assumed were true. His influence, along with the help of a pastor named Jeremy Vuolo, caused Jinger to see that her life was built on rules, not God's Word.
Jinger committed to studying the Bible--truly understanding it--for the first time. What resulted was an earth-shaking realization: much of what she'd always believed about God, obedience to His Word, and personal holiness wasn't in-line with what the Bible teaches.
Now with a renewed faith of personal conviction, Becoming Free Indeed shares what it was like living under the tenants of Bill Gothard, the Biblical truth that changed her perspective, and how she disentangled her faith with her belief in Jesus intact.
When Jinger Duggar Vuolo was growing up, she was convinced that obeying the rules was the key to success and God's favor. She zealously promoted the Basic Life Principles of Bill Gothard,
fastidiously obeying the modesty guidelines (no shorts or jeans, only dresses),
eagerly submitting to the umbrella of authority (any disobedience of parents would place her outside God's protection),
promoting the relationship standard of courtship, and
avoiding any music with a worldly beat, among others.
Jinger, along with three of her sisters, wrote a New York Times bestseller about their religious convictions. She believed this level of commitment would guarantee God's blessing, even though in private she felt constant fear that she wasn't measuring up to the high standards demanded of her.
In Becoming Free Indeed, Jinger shares how in her early twenties, a new family member--a brother-in-law who didn't grow up in the same tight-knit conservative circle as Jinger--caused her to examine her beliefs. He was committed to the Bible, but he didn't believe many of the things Jinger had always assumed were true. His influence, along with the help of a pastor named Jeremy Vuolo, caused Jinger to see that her life was built on rules, not God's Word.
Jinger committed to studying the Bible--truly understanding it--for the first time. What resulted was an earth-shaking realization: much of what she'd always believed about God, obedience to His Word, and personal holiness wasn't in-line with what the Bible teaches.
Now with a renewed faith of personal conviction, Becoming Free Indeed shares what it was like living under the tenants of Bill Gothard, the Biblical truth that changed her perspective, and how she disentangled her faith with her belief in Jesus intact.
240 pages, ebook
First published January 31, 2023
4481 people are currently reading
47549 people want to read
About the author
Jinger Duggar Vuolo
8 books501 followersJinger Vuolo grew up on TV. From the age of 9 until 27, she appeared on her family's hit TLC reality shows, "19 Kids and Counting" and "Counting On". She is an author whose books include her personal memoir The Hope We Hold and a children's book, You Can Shine So Bright. She now lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeremy, and their two daughters, Felicity Nicole (4) and Evangeline Jo (1). In her free time, Jinger enjoys traveling, hiking, and anything to do with good food.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 5,311 reviews
February 11, 2023
My review might be different than that of those who picked up this book because they are fans of the Duggars' reality show. I did watch the show pretty frequently, but even so, I did not know what exactly the Duggars believed or whose teaching they were following. I should have, though, because I have seen the effects of Bill Gothard's teaching up close.
A little background will help you understand why I gave this book 5 stars.
I grew up in a church where a section of the membership bought into Bill Gothard's Institutes and lived them out. My mom says that his first institute of teachings didn't seem "too" out there, but the second institute was just bizarre. My parents found Gothard's teachings to be unbiblical and so did not raise us kids under those strict guidelines. Another red flag was that when the church viewed his videos, he had employees from IBLP set up tables with only Gothard's materials for purchase, and no one else's. That smacked of cultism to them.
Even though our pastor did not preach Gothard's principles, he did allow them to be taught in different settings and there were many families that put them to practice. You could pick them out: very large households, homeschooled, girls in long dresses with long hair (some wore makeup, some didn't, depending on the family), the children didn't attend college. The families avoided routine medical checkups and vaccinations. Now, these things don't in and of themselves make one a believer of false teaching. (You can hold some personal convictions about these things and still be a faithful Christian as long as you are not holding them as a standard for salvation.) But because these principles were spouted as the "right" way to live as Christians to secure a guarantee that your children wouldn't rebel and that you'd have health and financial security—that was supremely problematic.
My parents didn't believe this and didn't teach it. My pastor didn't preach these from the pulpit to the best I can remember (though I could be wrong). There were families like ours in the church that didn't believe it or teach it. But there were many who did. I felt accusation and judgment from those families and their children. I felt like a second rate Christian. Simply attending a church where Gothardism was practiced by those families still had a damaging effect on my young faith. I struggled into my late thirties to shed the idea of performance as a means of gaining God's approval when I already have it in full in Jesus Christ. I didn't wear long skirts and I cut my hair regularly and I wasn't homeschooled. But as a young Christian, I tried so hard to be good in order to achieve the same kind of elite level Christianity that I perceived these Gothardites had. I did not understand that we obey God's Word (and only God's Word, not manmade additions to God's commands) from a position of ALREADY LOVED. I obeyed to BE loved. Because that is what I learned in a church culture of doing specific things and avoiding certain "vices" in order to guarantee God's favor. What I perceived from the ages of 6-15: you believed in Jesus by faith, but you were sanctified by being moral and upstanding.
That is the anti-gospel. It's legalism at its worst. And even though I learned it secondhand, it still did decades of damage to my faith. I didn't realize that you live the your entire Christian life by grace through faith in Jesus.
What did help me untangle my faith from fear was the same as what did this for Jinger Vuolo. It was Scripture. Studying God's Word and especially committing it to memory (not because someone made me but because I wanted to) helped me to meditate on it deeply and understand that God's love isn't based upon our performance, our adherence to rules we believe will make us holier than others, and it doesn't ebb and flow with how well I think I am performing. God's love is pure and holy and free. And I have it completely through faith in Jesus Christ. Nothing—not pants or haircuts or attending school—can separate me from His love in Christ.
And now for the actual book review.
What I appreciated so much about Jinger's book was that she was committed to telling her story without throwing her parents or family under the bus. That's a tough balance to strike. She is humble and transparent, but she owns that she believed a lie. I also appreciated that she wasn't squeamish about calling Bill Gothard a false teacher—because he is. And many, many people have been led astray by his false teaching. She shows how the tenants of his teaching are at complete odds with Scripture and she saturates this book in the true gospel of Jesus. No doubt, fans of the show will be disappointed that this isn't a tell-all. Jinger is clear in the introduction that that's not what her book is. I saw some reviews complaining that this book is just a sermon. It's not. It's a beautiful explanation of what is and isn't the good news of Jesus and how she grew to understand the difference. I applaud Jinger for using her platform in such a way. I listened to this book on audio, and I found it easy to follow as well as compelling. I rejoiced to hear her explain the gospel so clearly and so often.
If you were taught Bill Gothard's principles or absorbed them in a church community like I did, or if you were raised in some kind of Christian subculture that taught something other than the pure gospel of grace alone by faith alone in Christ alone, then you'll find this book helpful to separate fact from fiction. I commend it for that reason.
What happened to my family? Eventually, my parents left that church. There was a lot of conflict in other areas, but I asked my mom the other day why they really left. She said, "We left because of Gothardism. We did not want to raise our kids in that environment anymore." We found another church where we thrived in grace and freedom. I asked my mom if any of those families we attended church with during those 10 years still adhered to Gothard's teachings, especially in light of the allegations of sexual abuse and grooming against him. She said she didn't think so because when all the children raised in Gothardism in our church hit their teen years, they all rebelled. The principles didn't work. They never could have. Rules without relationship will never do anything for a person's soul. Only the gospel transforms. Only the Spirit shapes and forms and sanctifies. Only God's Word—not man's—is truth.
A little background will help you understand why I gave this book 5 stars.
I grew up in a church where a section of the membership bought into Bill Gothard's Institutes and lived them out. My mom says that his first institute of teachings didn't seem "too" out there, but the second institute was just bizarre. My parents found Gothard's teachings to be unbiblical and so did not raise us kids under those strict guidelines. Another red flag was that when the church viewed his videos, he had employees from IBLP set up tables with only Gothard's materials for purchase, and no one else's. That smacked of cultism to them.
Even though our pastor did not preach Gothard's principles, he did allow them to be taught in different settings and there were many families that put them to practice. You could pick them out: very large households, homeschooled, girls in long dresses with long hair (some wore makeup, some didn't, depending on the family), the children didn't attend college. The families avoided routine medical checkups and vaccinations. Now, these things don't in and of themselves make one a believer of false teaching. (You can hold some personal convictions about these things and still be a faithful Christian as long as you are not holding them as a standard for salvation.) But because these principles were spouted as the "right" way to live as Christians to secure a guarantee that your children wouldn't rebel and that you'd have health and financial security—that was supremely problematic.
My parents didn't believe this and didn't teach it. My pastor didn't preach these from the pulpit to the best I can remember (though I could be wrong). There were families like ours in the church that didn't believe it or teach it. But there were many who did. I felt accusation and judgment from those families and their children. I felt like a second rate Christian. Simply attending a church where Gothardism was practiced by those families still had a damaging effect on my young faith. I struggled into my late thirties to shed the idea of performance as a means of gaining God's approval when I already have it in full in Jesus Christ. I didn't wear long skirts and I cut my hair regularly and I wasn't homeschooled. But as a young Christian, I tried so hard to be good in order to achieve the same kind of elite level Christianity that I perceived these Gothardites had. I did not understand that we obey God's Word (and only God's Word, not manmade additions to God's commands) from a position of ALREADY LOVED. I obeyed to BE loved. Because that is what I learned in a church culture of doing specific things and avoiding certain "vices" in order to guarantee God's favor. What I perceived from the ages of 6-15: you believed in Jesus by faith, but you were sanctified by being moral and upstanding.
That is the anti-gospel. It's legalism at its worst. And even though I learned it secondhand, it still did decades of damage to my faith. I didn't realize that you live the your entire Christian life by grace through faith in Jesus.
What did help me untangle my faith from fear was the same as what did this for Jinger Vuolo. It was Scripture. Studying God's Word and especially committing it to memory (not because someone made me but because I wanted to) helped me to meditate on it deeply and understand that God's love isn't based upon our performance, our adherence to rules we believe will make us holier than others, and it doesn't ebb and flow with how well I think I am performing. God's love is pure and holy and free. And I have it completely through faith in Jesus Christ. Nothing—not pants or haircuts or attending school—can separate me from His love in Christ.
And now for the actual book review.
What I appreciated so much about Jinger's book was that she was committed to telling her story without throwing her parents or family under the bus. That's a tough balance to strike. She is humble and transparent, but she owns that she believed a lie. I also appreciated that she wasn't squeamish about calling Bill Gothard a false teacher—because he is. And many, many people have been led astray by his false teaching. She shows how the tenants of his teaching are at complete odds with Scripture and she saturates this book in the true gospel of Jesus. No doubt, fans of the show will be disappointed that this isn't a tell-all. Jinger is clear in the introduction that that's not what her book is. I saw some reviews complaining that this book is just a sermon. It's not. It's a beautiful explanation of what is and isn't the good news of Jesus and how she grew to understand the difference. I applaud Jinger for using her platform in such a way. I listened to this book on audio, and I found it easy to follow as well as compelling. I rejoiced to hear her explain the gospel so clearly and so often.
If you were taught Bill Gothard's principles or absorbed them in a church community like I did, or if you were raised in some kind of Christian subculture that taught something other than the pure gospel of grace alone by faith alone in Christ alone, then you'll find this book helpful to separate fact from fiction. I commend it for that reason.
What happened to my family? Eventually, my parents left that church. There was a lot of conflict in other areas, but I asked my mom the other day why they really left. She said, "We left because of Gothardism. We did not want to raise our kids in that environment anymore." We found another church where we thrived in grace and freedom. I asked my mom if any of those families we attended church with during those 10 years still adhered to Gothard's teachings, especially in light of the allegations of sexual abuse and grooming against him. She said she didn't think so because when all the children raised in Gothardism in our church hit their teen years, they all rebelled. The principles didn't work. They never could have. Rules without relationship will never do anything for a person's soul. Only the gospel transforms. Only the Spirit shapes and forms and sanctifies. Only God's Word—not man's—is truth.
Read
February 1, 2023Let me start with saying, I grew up in IBLP as well. I am a year younger than Jinger and interacted with her siblings at Big Sandy in Texas multiple times. My last family conference was spring 2014, where I taught pre-excel to some of the Bates kids. So yes, I often I say I grew up in the same community as the Duggars, because IBLP was a tight-knit world and we all knew of each other.
That said, Jinger's novel reads like shortbread with a little bit of drizzle. There's no deep exploration of how IBLP used her family nor how IBLP protected her brother's abuse and dad's control.
The good:
Jinger does a fantastic job of showing exactly how Bill Gothard exercised control over the IBLP community. She recalls the "Gothard's girls" and the rumors of abuse that swept through IBLP circles.
She sidesteps really delving into the true horrors of Gothard's abuse, as a story too graphic or details too hard to reshare.
It takes a lot of courage to call out a man who was both your childhood hero and who dominated your religious life. This is a good start to publicly calling out an abusive leader who ruined many, many lives.
The not-so-good:
Jinger stands by her family. This is evident throughout the book. She blames Gothard for the abusive teaching she grew up under and avoids blaming her parents for the toxic way she was raised.
She does not discuss her lack of education, the way her life was exploited, or the abuse her parents covered up. Jinger avoids directly naming the abuse her brother did, calling the time when it was made public, "the darkest trial" her family went through.
The downright bad:
Jinger paints herself as the good opposite of religious deconstruction. She calls her journey away from IBLP "detangling" and considers it a better version of deconstruction.
It is clear that Jinger has no real grasp of the deconstruction movement or the real reasons people left IBLP and Christianity.
She refers to Josh Harris as the leader of the deconstruction movement, even though he declared his lack of faith years after Recovering Grace and exvangelical communities had formed.
Frankly, Jinger's one-size fits all approach to deconstruction and faith is insulting. Some go so far as to say that Jinger has left one cult for another since she joined John MacArthur church.
I do not consider all churches to be cults. I strongly disagree with John MacArthur and Jinger's picture of the exvangelical community. I know that Jinger's views on the LGBTQ+ community and other non-evangelical people of faith are harmful.
However, I also understand how hard it is to accept an affirming faith or navigate a more accepting world after leaving IBLP. I joined a church very similar to MacArthur's when I left IBLP and believed as Jinger now does for a long time. No person harmed by Jinger's beliefs owes her grace, compassion or space to harm them. I offer that compassion in hopes that people like Jinger will one day see my own faith, my own life, and understand that God made me exactly as I am - and my faith and sexuality are not fallen or in need of redemption.
Jinger Duggar Vuolo's book is not for the snark community. It is not a tell-all memoir or an expose. It is the story of a girl still coping with trauma from years spent in the grips of IBLP, a daughter who still deeply loves her family despite public abuse, and a woman who finally feels free from the shadow of fundamentalism.
That said, Jinger's novel reads like shortbread with a little bit of drizzle. There's no deep exploration of how IBLP used her family nor how IBLP protected her brother's abuse and dad's control.
The good:
Jinger does a fantastic job of showing exactly how Bill Gothard exercised control over the IBLP community. She recalls the "Gothard's girls" and the rumors of abuse that swept through IBLP circles.
She sidesteps really delving into the true horrors of Gothard's abuse, as a story too graphic or details too hard to reshare.
It takes a lot of courage to call out a man who was both your childhood hero and who dominated your religious life. This is a good start to publicly calling out an abusive leader who ruined many, many lives.
The not-so-good:
Jinger stands by her family. This is evident throughout the book. She blames Gothard for the abusive teaching she grew up under and avoids blaming her parents for the toxic way she was raised.
She does not discuss her lack of education, the way her life was exploited, or the abuse her parents covered up. Jinger avoids directly naming the abuse her brother did, calling the time when it was made public, "the darkest trial" her family went through.
The downright bad:
Jinger paints herself as the good opposite of religious deconstruction. She calls her journey away from IBLP "detangling" and considers it a better version of deconstruction.
It is clear that Jinger has no real grasp of the deconstruction movement or the real reasons people left IBLP and Christianity.
She refers to Josh Harris as the leader of the deconstruction movement, even though he declared his lack of faith years after Recovering Grace and exvangelical communities had formed.
Frankly, Jinger's one-size fits all approach to deconstruction and faith is insulting. Some go so far as to say that Jinger has left one cult for another since she joined John MacArthur church.
I do not consider all churches to be cults. I strongly disagree with John MacArthur and Jinger's picture of the exvangelical community. I know that Jinger's views on the LGBTQ+ community and other non-evangelical people of faith are harmful.
However, I also understand how hard it is to accept an affirming faith or navigate a more accepting world after leaving IBLP. I joined a church very similar to MacArthur's when I left IBLP and believed as Jinger now does for a long time. No person harmed by Jinger's beliefs owes her grace, compassion or space to harm them. I offer that compassion in hopes that people like Jinger will one day see my own faith, my own life, and understand that God made me exactly as I am - and my faith and sexuality are not fallen or in need of redemption.
Jinger Duggar Vuolo's book is not for the snark community. It is not a tell-all memoir or an expose. It is the story of a girl still coping with trauma from years spent in the grips of IBLP, a daughter who still deeply loves her family despite public abuse, and a woman who finally feels free from the shadow of fundamentalism.
August 13, 2023
Not that I was expecting a tell-all but I was expecting more introspection on how the Gothard beliefs effected her family dynamics, etc. This read more like a college essay trying to prove her Christianity more than anything. Clearly wasn’t the intended audience.
February 2, 2023
This really just reads like a promotion for Masters Seminary and Grace Community Church, but using Bill Gothard's teachings as an easy punching bag, given the widespread criticism of his theology.
She gushes about how she loves her new church because of its diversity and because everyone can believe different things "as long as they agree with the Bible." John MacArthur's theology and church are known for having a very narrow definition of what they read to be "biblical." I don't know how free Jinger can really be. She might not be wearing long skirts anymore, but she still goes to a church that doesn't permit women to preach. She can use birth control since science shows it's safe and effective, but her church gleefully defied COVID-19 restrictions by the city and risked the health of thousands.
Much of the book, which is co authored by the communications director of Masters, feels just like a copy and paste from the What We Believe part of their website. There's just walls of texts of endless scripture references that don't help explain the transformation she's gone through. Nobody is reading this book because they want a doctrinal opposition to Gothard's teachings. We want to know how this shift affected Jinger.
But instead we get vague narratives about being focused on others instead of yourself and how that helps social anxiety, or how it's about Christ and not rules. But no specifics on what it means to change your focus or how it's really changed her life. She mentions briefly that she may have struggled with post-partum depression. It would have been so much more interesting to have a whole chapter on her journey with that and how her new way of looking at her faith made a difference. Instead we get a reference to Christ being sufficient and we move on.
I just don't think this book is going to do it for anyone who is looking for something other than a John MacArthur promotion. If you're on board with that train and want to hear a vague description of how someone changed their belief system to that this might be for you. For anyone looking for actual radical change or a new analysis of Gothard theology, this will leave you dissatisfied.
She gushes about how she loves her new church because of its diversity and because everyone can believe different things "as long as they agree with the Bible." John MacArthur's theology and church are known for having a very narrow definition of what they read to be "biblical." I don't know how free Jinger can really be. She might not be wearing long skirts anymore, but she still goes to a church that doesn't permit women to preach. She can use birth control since science shows it's safe and effective, but her church gleefully defied COVID-19 restrictions by the city and risked the health of thousands.
Much of the book, which is co authored by the communications director of Masters, feels just like a copy and paste from the What We Believe part of their website. There's just walls of texts of endless scripture references that don't help explain the transformation she's gone through. Nobody is reading this book because they want a doctrinal opposition to Gothard's teachings. We want to know how this shift affected Jinger.
But instead we get vague narratives about being focused on others instead of yourself and how that helps social anxiety, or how it's about Christ and not rules. But no specifics on what it means to change your focus or how it's really changed her life. She mentions briefly that she may have struggled with post-partum depression. It would have been so much more interesting to have a whole chapter on her journey with that and how her new way of looking at her faith made a difference. Instead we get a reference to Christ being sufficient and we move on.
I just don't think this book is going to do it for anyone who is looking for something other than a John MacArthur promotion. If you're on board with that train and want to hear a vague description of how someone changed their belief system to that this might be for you. For anyone looking for actual radical change or a new analysis of Gothard theology, this will leave you dissatisfied.
Read
March 6, 2023edited after finishing 03/06: I understand a lot of where Jinger is coming from, though a lot of it comes across as hypocritical when she is still involved in a church that support one man over God, as well as her various thoughts on the LGBT community while she preaches about loving everyone.
while i still don’t support the Vuolo’s homophobic beliefs i’m afraid i must read this
while i still don’t support the Vuolo’s homophobic beliefs i’m afraid i must read this
February 22, 2023
When I saw that Jinger Duggar published a book yesterday about her journey in disentangling herself from the “religion” she was raised in, I knew I had to dive in! Now if you’re a fan of the Duggars show, then this might interest you, but if you’re like me and have lived through some of this in your own life then you will definitely like it. I feel like most of my church experience was borderline if not all the way cultish and I have heard Bill Gothard’s name and books passed around more than I’d care to admit. Religion sickens me to my core and there is a big difference in loving Jesus and Christianity vs this toxic “church culture” I’m talking about. I devoured this book in a day and I applaud Jinger for being brave and getting her story out there. I’m so glad that she has separated this from her life and has found true freedom in Christ. It’s not about what we wear, eat, drink or any outward thing..it’s about the heart and how we honor Christ by being like Him. If we give everything truly to Him, he’ll take care of anything outwardly that we might need to change. One thing I will say though is that where many cross the line is putting THEIR expectations on others. Everyone will have to answer for themselves one day. Don’t worry about the person next to you, just love them.
January 23, 2023
This isn't some "tell all" or "how she escaped the IBLP cult" book. Plain and simply it's a cash grab. Going from one cult to another. This book was written by someone in her new church (which speaks volumes). Do not waste your time and money on this book. Stop supporting this vile family that protected their P . E. ..d.. .ooo. son and brother. Open your eyes and see these grifters for what they are.
February 2, 2023
When I saw that Jinger was coming out with a book about not being in the IBLP anymore, I cried. Seeing one of the big names from the Christian fundamentalist world speak out made me hope that we’d get more voices speaking against this evil.
This book, however, fell short of that goal for me. Part memoir, part advice, and part wanna be theology, it definitely falls short on the latter two. While I respect Vuolo going on the faith journey that she needs to, the regular decrying of deconstruction, the “unless you have a Jesus you’re wrong,” and other such phrases fail to give grace and take into account the depth of the hurt experienced by people, especially women, in these movements. She repeatedly tells readers they shouldn’t deconstruct, but detangle their beliefs, not acknowledging trauma or other reasons someone may not be able, or want, to continue engaging with a Christianity. She clearly delineates a before and after in her life, as in before she knew the real Jesus and after, but doesn’t seem to give herself the space to drastically change in the future.
While she touches on mental health issues, but only social anxiety, she explains it as just not trusting Jesus enough. Which just, is sad. Mental health issues can encompass so so much and I wish Vuolo would have acknowledged this.
I wasn’t expecting (or desiring) this to be a theological treatise, but early on the author refers to this book as her theological journey. Something she (rightly) calls IBLP out on is proof texting, or only using a verse or two without context to prove a point. However, she continues to reference a verse or two here or there, falling into the same trap of proof texting.
Finally, Jinger calls out all the man made rules of her youth, but lays down her own opinion as truth. I know that most Christians believe this way, but it just stood out to me as a sharp contrast to go from “man made rules are wrong” to “if you don’t end up with Jesus, you’re wrong.”
I didn’t have high hopes for this book, and I guess it kinda lived up to it. There’s probably more I could say, but I’ll just leave it there.
This book, however, fell short of that goal for me. Part memoir, part advice, and part wanna be theology, it definitely falls short on the latter two. While I respect Vuolo going on the faith journey that she needs to, the regular decrying of deconstruction, the “unless you have a Jesus you’re wrong,” and other such phrases fail to give grace and take into account the depth of the hurt experienced by people, especially women, in these movements. She repeatedly tells readers they shouldn’t deconstruct, but detangle their beliefs, not acknowledging trauma or other reasons someone may not be able, or want, to continue engaging with a Christianity. She clearly delineates a before and after in her life, as in before she knew the real Jesus and after, but doesn’t seem to give herself the space to drastically change in the future.
While she touches on mental health issues, but only social anxiety, she explains it as just not trusting Jesus enough. Which just, is sad. Mental health issues can encompass so so much and I wish Vuolo would have acknowledged this.
I wasn’t expecting (or desiring) this to be a theological treatise, but early on the author refers to this book as her theological journey. Something she (rightly) calls IBLP out on is proof texting, or only using a verse or two without context to prove a point. However, she continues to reference a verse or two here or there, falling into the same trap of proof texting.
Finally, Jinger calls out all the man made rules of her youth, but lays down her own opinion as truth. I know that most Christians believe this way, but it just stood out to me as a sharp contrast to go from “man made rules are wrong” to “if you don’t end up with Jesus, you’re wrong.”
I didn’t have high hopes for this book, and I guess it kinda lived up to it. There’s probably more I could say, but I’ll just leave it there.
March 26, 2023
4 stars
I really enjoyed listening to Jinger’s story/journey through going from a strict religious upbringing and coming out on the other side. So many times I hear about people growing up like this and end up deconstructing their faith and walking away from it all together and honestly it makes me so sad. I was happy to see that Jinger was able to walk away from that and still have a relationship with Jesus and have a healthy relationship with Him. Unfortunately there is a lot of church hurt/religious trauma out there and this is just one of many examples.
I really enjoyed listening to Jinger’s story/journey through going from a strict religious upbringing and coming out on the other side. So many times I hear about people growing up like this and end up deconstructing their faith and walking away from it all together and honestly it makes me so sad. I was happy to see that Jinger was able to walk away from that and still have a relationship with Jesus and have a healthy relationship with Him. Unfortunately there is a lot of church hurt/religious trauma out there and this is just one of many examples.
Audio book source: Libby
Story Rating: 4 stars
Narrators: Jinger Duggar Vuolo
Narration Rating: 4 stars
Genre: Non fiction
Length: 5h 49m
February 3, 2023
A big reason I purchased this book, other than sheer morbid curiosity, was due to the cover - bless this poor girl's heart, wearing an orange jumpsuit on the cover of a book about her newfound "freedom"! I'm not sure what series of people on the publishing team signed off on that, but - yikes.
This would have gotten three stars if Jinger Vuolo had written more of it, but it was pretty apparent that she was, at best, a contributing editor. I probably could have forgiven all of the logical and factual errors in it if it were Jinger writing it, rather than lending her name to her new church's (rather untalented) mouthpiece. Her education was so sadly lacking that she prefaced nearly all quotations in the book - in the book she claims to have written - with "I never read this book" or "I never saw this movie." Ma'am, we know. But you still haven't read it? Not even when "writing" a book of your own? But you still feel right about quoting from it? And expect that to be persuasive? At one point she even describes Stepford Wives to us - as described to her by her husband!
There is not a lot of content in this thing. I mean that in a literal way - there are actually dozens of blank pages scattered in between chapters, so the work pants and wheezes to a very-misleading 200ish pages - and also in a figurative way. Much of the work is quotations from the Bible, a few pastors no one has ever heard of, and the men who either used to or currently do lead the churches of which the author is a member. Essentially, this is a poorly executed propaganda piece for the new "truth" the poor girl is just *sure* about this time. Bless her heart!
Call me when Jill writes a book, she'll probably write it herself and be honest and reflective.
This would have gotten three stars if Jinger Vuolo had written more of it, but it was pretty apparent that she was, at best, a contributing editor. I probably could have forgiven all of the logical and factual errors in it if it were Jinger writing it, rather than lending her name to her new church's (rather untalented) mouthpiece. Her education was so sadly lacking that she prefaced nearly all quotations in the book - in the book she claims to have written - with "I never read this book" or "I never saw this movie." Ma'am, we know. But you still haven't read it? Not even when "writing" a book of your own? But you still feel right about quoting from it? And expect that to be persuasive? At one point she even describes Stepford Wives to us - as described to her by her husband!
There is not a lot of content in this thing. I mean that in a literal way - there are actually dozens of blank pages scattered in between chapters, so the work pants and wheezes to a very-misleading 200ish pages - and also in a figurative way. Much of the work is quotations from the Bible, a few pastors no one has ever heard of, and the men who either used to or currently do lead the churches of which the author is a member. Essentially, this is a poorly executed propaganda piece for the new "truth" the poor girl is just *sure* about this time. Bless her heart!
Call me when Jill writes a book, she'll probably write it herself and be honest and reflective.
March 8, 2023
I can't believe I read this on International Women's Day of all days.
What this is: an evangelical self help book
What people were hoping for: a tell all
What I took from it: Jinger is still in a cult
I, like many, grew up watching the Duggar family on TLC. As a Christian, I can't say I was fascinated in how the family operated because frankly it terrified me. I knew then that there is no way we were interpreting the Bible the same way.
I wish I was surprised that it's clear Jinger has gone from one cultish sect of Christianity, IBLP, to another one, Calvinism. She went right from one conservative, transphobic, homophobic, and anti-women sect to another.
We should take this book with a grain of salt as since her ghost writer works for the church she attends, we can deduce things had to be approved by said church. Yuck.
A lot about this made me cringe, but the quote that made me cringe the most was, 'A woman's identity is in Jesus'. Which isn't surprising given she failed to quote any verse about any of the amazing women mentioned in the Bible or the fact she belongs to a church where women cannot share the Word as pastors. I have never been so glad to have been raised in a Christian faith that is accepting and told me I was my own person.
I'd be remiss to say she also mentioned abortion being a sin which as of March 8, 2023 is a little ironic considering her sister had one a few weeks ago in a red state where she had to go before a board to justify it (don't argue with me, it will be listed as such by insurance.)
The way she shames any person that decided to leave the church completely isn't very Christian in my opinion. We all have different spiritual journeys and clearly the only option she thinks women should have is to just disentangle their beliefs just like her.
If you're looking for a tell all, this isn't it. I think we all know the only 'Duggar' we may get a tell all from is Amy or maybe Derek/Jill.
I think the audience for this one is for evangelical women, who may be coming from IBLP or any other far right sect into other denominations.
This is not for anyone in more accepting denominations, unless you want to cringe.
This is not for any person who is close to leaving religion all together. I do hope this does not make it into any Bible study group.
What this is: an evangelical self help book
What people were hoping for: a tell all
What I took from it: Jinger is still in a cult
I, like many, grew up watching the Duggar family on TLC. As a Christian, I can't say I was fascinated in how the family operated because frankly it terrified me. I knew then that there is no way we were interpreting the Bible the same way.
I wish I was surprised that it's clear Jinger has gone from one cultish sect of Christianity, IBLP, to another one, Calvinism. She went right from one conservative, transphobic, homophobic, and anti-women sect to another.
We should take this book with a grain of salt as since her ghost writer works for the church she attends, we can deduce things had to be approved by said church. Yuck.
A lot about this made me cringe, but the quote that made me cringe the most was, 'A woman's identity is in Jesus'. Which isn't surprising given she failed to quote any verse about any of the amazing women mentioned in the Bible or the fact she belongs to a church where women cannot share the Word as pastors. I have never been so glad to have been raised in a Christian faith that is accepting and told me I was my own person.
I'd be remiss to say she also mentioned abortion being a sin which as of March 8, 2023 is a little ironic considering her sister had one a few weeks ago in a red state where she had to go before a board to justify it (don't argue with me, it will be listed as such by insurance.)
The way she shames any person that decided to leave the church completely isn't very Christian in my opinion. We all have different spiritual journeys and clearly the only option she thinks women should have is to just disentangle their beliefs just like her.
If you're looking for a tell all, this isn't it. I think we all know the only 'Duggar' we may get a tell all from is Amy or maybe Derek/Jill.
I think the audience for this one is for evangelical women, who may be coming from IBLP or any other far right sect into other denominations.
This is not for anyone in more accepting denominations, unless you want to cringe.
This is not for any person who is close to leaving religion all together. I do hope this does not make it into any Bible study group.
May 9, 2024
Jinger Duggar Vuolo makes it very clear at the beginning of this memoir that it is not a tell-all, so I went into it without that as an expectation. However, this book still fell flat for me. I can acknowledge that I am probably not the right audience for this book, but as someone who grew up watching 19 Kids and Counting and Counting On I couldn't resist this read.
The Duggar family grew up in the Institute of Basic Life Principles (IBLP) a cult that describes itself as a nondenominational Christian fundamentalist organization. Most of this memoir explores Jinger's, the 6th Duggar child, relationship with the IBLP growing up, and her journey to disentangling her faith. I am proud to see how far Jinger has come, and you can hear the happiness and freedom in her writing as she talks about her current relationship with her faith, Jesus, her husband and her church community in California, where she now lives with her husband and two daughters. The book fell flat for me because I wanted more! She touched on some really interesting areas of her upbringing, such as the IBLP's beliefs about having children (as many as physically possible, even if it puts the mother in danger), The Umbrella of Authority, modesty, etc. I wanted her to dive deeper into these topics, her marriage, motherhood, and wearing pants!!! Jinger was the first Duggar woman to do this, and she barely touched on the subject. Additionally, she touched on the social anxiety she has as a result of her upbringing and the strong, strict rules she endured in the IBLP, and I wish she discussed it more.
Regardless, I enjoyed my time reading this book, and highly recommend it to any fans of the Duggar women. It makes me proud to see how far they've come, especially Jinger and Jill, as they have both released memoirs about their upbringing where we have been able to learn more about what they went through. Her husband Jeremy clearly loves and supports her as an individual as well as his wife, and it is great to see her thriving with her little family! As always, I highly recommend Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar to everyone, not just Duggar fans!
"I was afraid to say the wrong things - to confess my inner desires even in a diary. Rather than serving as a true chronicle of Jinger Duggar's inner life, my diary was yet another place of performance: a tool where I practiced projecting the version of myself that I wanted one - parents, siblings, friends, fans of the show - to see." Pg. 17
The Duggar family grew up in the Institute of Basic Life Principles (IBLP) a cult that describes itself as a nondenominational Christian fundamentalist organization. Most of this memoir explores Jinger's, the 6th Duggar child, relationship with the IBLP growing up, and her journey to disentangling her faith. I am proud to see how far Jinger has come, and you can hear the happiness and freedom in her writing as she talks about her current relationship with her faith, Jesus, her husband and her church community in California, where she now lives with her husband and two daughters. The book fell flat for me because I wanted more! She touched on some really interesting areas of her upbringing, such as the IBLP's beliefs about having children (as many as physically possible, even if it puts the mother in danger), The Umbrella of Authority, modesty, etc. I wanted her to dive deeper into these topics, her marriage, motherhood, and wearing pants!!! Jinger was the first Duggar woman to do this, and she barely touched on the subject. Additionally, she touched on the social anxiety she has as a result of her upbringing and the strong, strict rules she endured in the IBLP, and I wish she discussed it more.
"If life consists of moving from one script to the next, then life itself becomes a performance. That's essentially what Gothard taught me life should be. This lack of authenticity makes developing close relationships incredibly difficult. If I am worried about saying the wrong thing, of stepping out of my role in the drama of life, then I can't get to know someone, and they can't get to know me." Pg. 138
Regardless, I enjoyed my time reading this book, and highly recommend it to any fans of the Duggar women. It makes me proud to see how far they've come, especially Jinger and Jill, as they have both released memoirs about their upbringing where we have been able to learn more about what they went through. Her husband Jeremy clearly loves and supports her as an individual as well as his wife, and it is great to see her thriving with her little family! As always, I highly recommend Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar to everyone, not just Duggar fans!
February 2, 2023
Highly recommend. More so if you've ever been involved in IBLP (ATI) or know of someone who has.
What I most appreciated about this read from Jinger is that she combats Gothard's false teachings with scripture in an unapologetic manner, while at the same time demonstrating grace and love, particularly towards her family. This leaves the door open for relationships. This book is an excellent example of how to speak truth in love, without dabbling into the realm of a Tell All. Prince Harry could take a note or two from her tone.
I really, really appreciated this book. I was never in ATI/IBPL myself, but my husband and his family were back in the day. I thought I understood what that meant before, but there are many ways in which this book opened my eyes to Gothard's teachings and the disastrous effects they can have had.
What I most appreciated about this read from Jinger is that she combats Gothard's false teachings with scripture in an unapologetic manner, while at the same time demonstrating grace and love, particularly towards her family. This leaves the door open for relationships. This book is an excellent example of how to speak truth in love, without dabbling into the realm of a Tell All. Prince Harry could take a note or two from her tone.
I really, really appreciated this book. I was never in ATI/IBPL myself, but my husband and his family were back in the day. I thought I understood what that meant before, but there are many ways in which this book opened my eyes to Gothard's teachings and the disastrous effects they can have had.
January 9, 2023
Written with such faith and grace. You will get a look into Jinger's life now that she has an understanding of the Bible and true love for Jesus. This was in no way a bash your religion book. It was how she came to an understanding that she Jinger had a lot wrong and as a young woman with her husband by her side with their Bibles she had a real come to Jesus moment.
I HIGHLY recommend this 5-star book. It is life changing and you are going to want to share it with those who really need to read it.
The Mary Reader received this book from the publisher for review. A favorable review was not required, and all views expressed are our own.
I HIGHLY recommend this 5-star book. It is life changing and you are going to want to share it with those who really need to read it.
The Mary Reader received this book from the publisher for review. A favorable review was not required, and all views expressed are our own.
January 29, 2023
Was not a fan of this one. Jinger was my fav Duggar and I was really hoping this book would be more personal stories but it very much focused on her life tangled up with a culty Christian leader and the way she slowly awakened to his falseness. She still very much believes in Christ, evidenced throughout the book with the MANY Bible passages. She only briefly touches on her life as a Duggar or her marriage or motherhood. She also very briefly talks about struggling with social anxiety. Overall pretty disappointing as a 'tell-all' memoir. It felt much more like a money grab/endorsement of Christianity. Much thanks to @librofm for an ALC - I'm glad I didn't waste any of my own money on this book.
February 20, 2023
Although aware of their existence, I've never seen a single episode of any of the television shows featuring the Duggar family, so went into this book with no expectations. I was pleasantly surprised by its content, and even more so with the courage it took Vuolo to publish her story. In the midst of so many high-profile Christians choosing to "deconstruct" their faith, essentially abandoning anything that makes Christianity, well Christianity, Vuolo instead chose to disentangle. "My faith is still intact, but it has changed. Instead of leaving the faith entirely, I have unthreaded, or disentangled, the truth of Christianity from the unhealthy version I heard growing up."
Vuolo tackles the false teachings she was raised on, led by Bill Gothard of the IBLP (Institute in Basic Life Principles). I was very impressed in how she laid out the things she was taught, countering with what the Bible actually says. The goal of this book was to reach those who are still falling prey to false teachings and cults, although this word was never used, and the grace in which it was written follows that aim. I enjoyed reading about legalism and eisegesis from someone who was raised to believe these harmful concepts were truth. I also appreciated how Vuolo never faults her parents and is gracious with both them and her entire family. I did find it interesting that it seems the Duggar family was aware of what true salvation in Christ entails and taught this to their children, yet still were blind to the manipulation and cherry-picking of Scripture to lead their family.
Overall, I'm left not only impressed by Vuolo and prayerful that this book reaches those still enmeshed in cult-like groups, but also with more of a desire to encourage people to read the Word of God. It is only through a knowledge of Scripture that false teachers can be discerned, a point that is made numerous times within this book. If you're curious at all, I recommend reading this one!
Vuolo tackles the false teachings she was raised on, led by Bill Gothard of the IBLP (Institute in Basic Life Principles). I was very impressed in how she laid out the things she was taught, countering with what the Bible actually says. The goal of this book was to reach those who are still falling prey to false teachings and cults, although this word was never used, and the grace in which it was written follows that aim. I enjoyed reading about legalism and eisegesis from someone who was raised to believe these harmful concepts were truth. I also appreciated how Vuolo never faults her parents and is gracious with both them and her entire family. I did find it interesting that it seems the Duggar family was aware of what true salvation in Christ entails and taught this to their children, yet still were blind to the manipulation and cherry-picking of Scripture to lead their family.
Overall, I'm left not only impressed by Vuolo and prayerful that this book reaches those still enmeshed in cult-like groups, but also with more of a desire to encourage people to read the Word of God. It is only through a knowledge of Scripture that false teachers can be discerned, a point that is made numerous times within this book. If you're curious at all, I recommend reading this one!
March 22, 2023
They say you need a unique, compelling idea, great writing, and a public platform in order to get a book deal. This book has one of those and is missing the other two.
I had hoped for a more in-depth look into her life and family, but Jinger quickly let readers know this was not a tell all. She barely mentions her family (except her closest sister) by name. I respect her desire for privacy and I understand that she was respecting her family’s privacy too.
But Jinger blames Bill Gothard for all of the bad religious teachings in her childhood and never puts responsibility on her parents for the way they raised her and her 18 siblings. She says she had a wonderful childhood, is still close to her siblings, and that her parents were so wonderful and loving. As a therapist, this concerns me when people have an overly rosy view of their childhood and haven’t critically examined their parenting at all. Maybe she has in her personal life, but it’s not shared here. And was she one of the four sisters who was sexually abused by her brother, Josh? She never addresses that or her family’s poor handling of that. The most she says is her brother was a religious hypocrite and her family went through a really hard time. I was relieved to hear she hasn’t seen or spoken to Josh in 2 years.
Jinger discusses some of the overlooked consequences of an extremely sheltered and insulated childhood, such as how she didn’t know how to make friends because she had only and always had her siblings around. She lived in such an isolated community despite all the traveling, TV appearances, and book deals that their show afforded her. Somehow she had about 20 men (boys) interested in courting her though.
Jinger’s definition of deconstruction is disappointing. It’s fine if she wants to use the word disentangling, and the visual of pulling out dried putty from your hair resonated with me. But she has a very narrow understanding of deconstruction. And while I don’t want to say she hasn’t “deconstructed enough” because everyone is on their own journey, I am concerned about a few of her beliefs. She has disentangled from extreme fundamentalist Christianity (can I say cult?) to very conservative evangelical Christianity. She attends John MacAurthur’s church and quotes him and John Piper. She states that suffering is from God and he causes our suffering. She believes love means giving all of yourself and being selfless and other focused. And she obviously still believes women are to be submissive and men are “servant leaders”. There’s nothing new here beyond what every evangelical heard growing up.
The most interesting chapter to me was her description of Bill Gothard’s teachings and how incorrect they were. That chapter easily could have been a blog post or series and that would have been sufficient.
I hope Jinger will look back at this book in a few years and think of how far she’s come. I imagine she’ll cringe at a few parts and be surprised at what she said at other times, maybe even regret it. And I think that would be a good sign.
I had hoped for a more in-depth look into her life and family, but Jinger quickly let readers know this was not a tell all. She barely mentions her family (except her closest sister) by name. I respect her desire for privacy and I understand that she was respecting her family’s privacy too.
But Jinger blames Bill Gothard for all of the bad religious teachings in her childhood and never puts responsibility on her parents for the way they raised her and her 18 siblings. She says she had a wonderful childhood, is still close to her siblings, and that her parents were so wonderful and loving. As a therapist, this concerns me when people have an overly rosy view of their childhood and haven’t critically examined their parenting at all. Maybe she has in her personal life, but it’s not shared here. And was she one of the four sisters who was sexually abused by her brother, Josh? She never addresses that or her family’s poor handling of that. The most she says is her brother was a religious hypocrite and her family went through a really hard time. I was relieved to hear she hasn’t seen or spoken to Josh in 2 years.
Jinger discusses some of the overlooked consequences of an extremely sheltered and insulated childhood, such as how she didn’t know how to make friends because she had only and always had her siblings around. She lived in such an isolated community despite all the traveling, TV appearances, and book deals that their show afforded her. Somehow she had about 20 men (boys) interested in courting her though.
Jinger’s definition of deconstruction is disappointing. It’s fine if she wants to use the word disentangling, and the visual of pulling out dried putty from your hair resonated with me. But she has a very narrow understanding of deconstruction. And while I don’t want to say she hasn’t “deconstructed enough” because everyone is on their own journey, I am concerned about a few of her beliefs. She has disentangled from extreme fundamentalist Christianity (can I say cult?) to very conservative evangelical Christianity. She attends John MacAurthur’s church and quotes him and John Piper. She states that suffering is from God and he causes our suffering. She believes love means giving all of yourself and being selfless and other focused. And she obviously still believes women are to be submissive and men are “servant leaders”. There’s nothing new here beyond what every evangelical heard growing up.
The most interesting chapter to me was her description of Bill Gothard’s teachings and how incorrect they were. That chapter easily could have been a blog post or series and that would have been sufficient.
I hope Jinger will look back at this book in a few years and think of how far she’s come. I imagine she’ll cringe at a few parts and be surprised at what she said at other times, maybe even regret it. And I think that would be a good sign.
February 8, 2023
I was hoping this would be a memoir but it’s more a Bible study and critique of her past beliefs. And that’s fine, but I’m definitely not the audience for this. Overall boring, repetitive, and meh. She also seems to believe you can pray away mental health issues and I find that to be such a dangerous idea.
January 23, 2023
This is not a tell-all in the traditional sense, so anyone looking for Duggar snark will be disappointed. Instead this is a beautiful story of Jinger’s growth as a person. She is very vulnerable as she shares her personal and faith journey. It’s all about how she kept her faith while escaping the IBLP cult and it’s fascinating. She’s also very classy, even as she unapologetically tells of the awful things that happened in that community. All in all an informative, interesting, and compelling memoir!
February 4, 2023
Poor girl is still trapped. 😂
September 20, 2024
So much of my fear and anxiety after I became a Christian was tied to my overactive conscience. I had created false standards of righteousness: standards that were impossible for me, or anyone, to measure up to. But where did those false standards come from? At the time, I thought my convictions came from the Bible. Now I know that wasn't the case. (PG 25)
I thought this would be a tell-all book about her family but this chick stands by her family in a sweet and, hopefully, honest way.
I used to catch the show once in a while and was actually fascinated with the concept of how a mother can feed that many kids in one day and keep a clean house. We were four siblings and my mom was always in the kitchen making fresh meals 2-3x a day and we hated chores.
We learn over time that there are deeper things going on when the cameras are off. Not everything we see is all unicorns and perfection. This is the case here with the Duggars.
So since it wasn't a Hollywood tell-all did I still enjoy it? I really did. I am Orthodox Christian, raised in the Catholic church and I really love God and my faith. People confuse human motives for being God's and they turn away from the church. When things get crappy I turn to Him more than ever.
This was the point Jinger made throughout the book. She and her family got brainwashed by a "man of God," mostly a cult, and she was so lost for so long but she never blamed God for this man's actions. She took the good and made it better and got rid of the bad altogether.
I liked how she says that we think the Bible is about us but it's a story of a man, a man that died and loves us so much He died for us. How beautiful right? How can anyone twist Jesus into something He is not. Power and greed.
My point is not to get preachy and I might sound it but it was a beautiful book to me at the moment when I needed it. She is no way preachy but breaks down what Gothard scared the congregants of the church with versus her new profound knowledge of the Bible in her way of looking at it and rereading passages that took on a whole new meaning to her as a mom and wife.
I recommend it to people trying to make peace with religion or just something to read that is different to your own perspective.
I thought this would be a tell-all book about her family but this chick stands by her family in a sweet and, hopefully, honest way.
I used to catch the show once in a while and was actually fascinated with the concept of how a mother can feed that many kids in one day and keep a clean house. We were four siblings and my mom was always in the kitchen making fresh meals 2-3x a day and we hated chores.
We learn over time that there are deeper things going on when the cameras are off. Not everything we see is all unicorns and perfection. This is the case here with the Duggars.
So since it wasn't a Hollywood tell-all did I still enjoy it? I really did. I am Orthodox Christian, raised in the Catholic church and I really love God and my faith. People confuse human motives for being God's and they turn away from the church. When things get crappy I turn to Him more than ever.
This was the point Jinger made throughout the book. She and her family got brainwashed by a "man of God," mostly a cult, and she was so lost for so long but she never blamed God for this man's actions. She took the good and made it better and got rid of the bad altogether.
I liked how she says that we think the Bible is about us but it's a story of a man, a man that died and loves us so much He died for us. How beautiful right? How can anyone twist Jesus into something He is not. Power and greed.
My point is not to get preachy and I might sound it but it was a beautiful book to me at the moment when I needed it. She is no way preachy but breaks down what Gothard scared the congregants of the church with versus her new profound knowledge of the Bible in her way of looking at it and rereading passages that took on a whole new meaning to her as a mom and wife.
I recommend it to people trying to make peace with religion or just something to read that is different to your own perspective.
March 8, 2023
Vuolo here offers a "theological memoir" of how she left Bill Gothard's Institute in Biblical Life Principles (IBLP) without leaving the Christian faith. It's not a tell-all about, well, Growing Up Duggar (the title of her previous book), thank goodness, because there are still quite a few minors in the Duggar household.
Growing up home schooled, I was always fundamentalist-adjacent though I was not raised in fundamentalism. This is why I feel compelled to read memoirs like Vuolo's and Jessica Willis Fisher's. Even though their communities would have totally rejected my family, home schooling put us in the same circles in a way. There were probably some IBLP families in my home school co-op, and I noticed a sharp divide in high school between families that were educating their children toward independence, college, and careers, and families who were educating their children toward dependence in a Gothard-like "umbrella of authority."
I would highly recommend this book to anyone divesting from the anthropocentric Christian-adjacent IBLP. On pp. 95-96, Vuolo quotes Gothard at length explaining a "gospel" that is actually salvation by works. Descriptions of Pelagius are eerily similar to how Vuolo describes Gothard and his isms. Reading that passage leaves no doubt in my mind that what Gothard presents is not orthodox Christianity.
In chapter 11, Vuolo discusses allegations against IBLP from women who were sexually harassed by Gothard. She also briefly discusses her older brother who is serving a sentence for sex crimes. In 2022, the same year Vuolo was writing this book, investigative reporting revealed a pattern of protecting abusers and ignoring truth-telling women in Vuolo's new church, John MacArthur's Grace Community Church. See here and more recently here. I am on the fence about whether I think Vuolo should have mentioned this in her book or not, but I cannot rest without mentioning it here. Vuolo demonstrated that poor "theology" (it was entirely anthropocentric and not theocentric, though) leads to guilt, shame, and abuse in this book. Some measure of this is happening in her current church as well, and the same measures of self-protection and denial are occurring in Grace Community Church as they occurred in IBLP and the Duggar family. I can only hope that she finds healing and wholeness in a situation where the "least of these" are truly cherished, where truth is upheld, and where all people are fully valued as bearers of the divine image.
Growing up home schooled, I was always fundamentalist-adjacent though I was not raised in fundamentalism. This is why I feel compelled to read memoirs like Vuolo's and Jessica Willis Fisher's. Even though their communities would have totally rejected my family, home schooling put us in the same circles in a way. There were probably some IBLP families in my home school co-op, and I noticed a sharp divide in high school between families that were educating their children toward independence, college, and careers, and families who were educating their children toward dependence in a Gothard-like "umbrella of authority."
I would highly recommend this book to anyone divesting from the anthropocentric Christian-adjacent IBLP. On pp. 95-96, Vuolo quotes Gothard at length explaining a "gospel" that is actually salvation by works. Descriptions of Pelagius are eerily similar to how Vuolo describes Gothard and his isms. Reading that passage leaves no doubt in my mind that what Gothard presents is not orthodox Christianity.
In chapter 11, Vuolo discusses allegations against IBLP from women who were sexually harassed by Gothard. She also briefly discusses her older brother who is serving a sentence for sex crimes. In 2022, the same year Vuolo was writing this book, investigative reporting revealed a pattern of protecting abusers and ignoring truth-telling women in Vuolo's new church, John MacArthur's Grace Community Church. See here and more recently here. I am on the fence about whether I think Vuolo should have mentioned this in her book or not, but I cannot rest without mentioning it here. Vuolo demonstrated that poor "theology" (it was entirely anthropocentric and not theocentric, though) leads to guilt, shame, and abuse in this book. Some measure of this is happening in her current church as well, and the same measures of self-protection and denial are occurring in Grace Community Church as they occurred in IBLP and the Duggar family. I can only hope that she finds healing and wholeness in a situation where the "least of these" are truly cherished, where truth is upheld, and where all people are fully valued as bearers of the divine image.
January 30, 2026
Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear by Jinger Duggar Vuolo is a spiritual memoir in which Jinger recounts growing up within the Duggar family’s strict religious environment shaped by Bill Gothard’s Basic Life Principles, a system of rules about modesty, authority, courtship, and more that she believed ensured God’s favor, yet privately instilled fear and anxiety about measuring up. In her early twenties a new family member with a different approach to the Bible, along with her future husband Jeremy Vuolo, encouraged her to study Scripture directly, prompting her to question the rule‑based faith of her youth and explore what it means to follow Christian belief without fear. Jinger clarifies this book is not a tell‑all about her family but a theological memoir about disentangling belief from legalism while maintaining faith in Jesus.
I liked the book’s earnest tone and introspection about the emotional cost of growing up under fear‑driven religion, and how Jinger’s renewed faith feels rooted in personal conviction rather than external standards. While this narrative will resonate particularly with those wrestling with religious legalism or control, others may find its Bible‑focused guidance and pacing less compelling than a broader life story. The memoir offers thoughtful moments of vulnerability, though it stays firmly within its spiritual frame.
Rating: 3 out of 5, because its reflective honesty is meaningful while narrative depth varies depending on expectations.
I liked the book’s earnest tone and introspection about the emotional cost of growing up under fear‑driven religion, and how Jinger’s renewed faith feels rooted in personal conviction rather than external standards. While this narrative will resonate particularly with those wrestling with religious legalism or control, others may find its Bible‑focused guidance and pacing less compelling than a broader life story. The memoir offers thoughtful moments of vulnerability, though it stays firmly within its spiritual frame.
Rating: 3 out of 5, because its reflective honesty is meaningful while narrative depth varies depending on expectations.
February 20, 2023
Can I just start this off by saying, go Jinger! As a longtime watcher of 19 Kids and Counting and Counting On, I've followed many of the older sisters for years and years. I always appreciated that the Duggars were Christians, but I knew there was something a little...off with the IBLP stuff their family followed.
In this book Jinger shines a light on so many non-biblical teachings (though masked to look and sound biblical) she grew up learning. This is not a tell-all book on the Duggars, but it does expose many of the beliefs they were taught that turned out to be man-made rules (the man being Bill Gothard). With "deconstruction" unfortunately being a popular trend among Christians, I appreciate that Jinger uses the term "disentangling". Instead of walking away from her faith altogether, Jinger peels away the IBLP layers until she is left with what truly matters: Jesus and the Bible.
This book is packed with scripture to counter the man-made rules that the IBLP forces people to follow. Jinger proves that Christianity is not the problem- it's when humans twist scripture to fit their own narrative. She shares many insights into her faith life now, such as how she views the Bible now vs. how she viewed it when under the IBLP authority.
Even if you didn't grow up the same way as Jinger, I think many people would benefit from reading her story and how she is so much more free and happy in her faith now. As a fan I just want to say I'm so happy for you, Jinger!
In this book Jinger shines a light on so many non-biblical teachings (though masked to look and sound biblical) she grew up learning. This is not a tell-all book on the Duggars, but it does expose many of the beliefs they were taught that turned out to be man-made rules (the man being Bill Gothard). With "deconstruction" unfortunately being a popular trend among Christians, I appreciate that Jinger uses the term "disentangling". Instead of walking away from her faith altogether, Jinger peels away the IBLP layers until she is left with what truly matters: Jesus and the Bible.
This book is packed with scripture to counter the man-made rules that the IBLP forces people to follow. Jinger proves that Christianity is not the problem- it's when humans twist scripture to fit their own narrative. She shares many insights into her faith life now, such as how she views the Bible now vs. how she viewed it when under the IBLP authority.
Even if you didn't grow up the same way as Jinger, I think many people would benefit from reading her story and how she is so much more free and happy in her faith now. As a fan I just want to say I'm so happy for you, Jinger!
June 8, 2023
With all due respect and love, I felt like she’s still brainwashed and I was reading a promotion for Christianity. I’m glad she escaped IBLP! But she still has more life experience to go before she escapes more of it and frees her mind from its grasp. I wish her all the best! I’d be more interested to read a memoir further down the road once she’s fully escaped the brainwashing!
November 7, 2024
A bit conflicted about my rating, because it's clear Jinger feels a very strong call to minister to others, hence the bulk of this book being about that, which I didn't mind at all, it's just that I was expecting a bit more.
She did touch on some IBLP practices she no longer follows, and what her mentality was at the time of the show being filmed, with some excerpts from her diary, as well as her relationship with Jeremy (for those who didn't read their previous book) and a few stories about what life was like growing up with 18 siblings.
It was all interesting to listen to, and see her reflect, but I'm going to need another book going deeper (if Jinger feels like writing one) to feel like I truly know her.
3.5
She did touch on some IBLP practices she no longer follows, and what her mentality was at the time of the show being filmed, with some excerpts from her diary, as well as her relationship with Jeremy (for those who didn't read their previous book) and a few stories about what life was like growing up with 18 siblings.
It was all interesting to listen to, and see her reflect, but I'm going to need another book going deeper (if Jinger feels like writing one) to feel like I truly know her.
3.5
May 2, 2023
It actually pains me to give someone a 1 star review on their own memoir. I don’t want to invalidate someone’s personal journey by any means, but I find this book to be deeply problematic for many different reasons. I was hoping to gain more insight into Jinger’s thoughts and feelings surrounding her reality tv fame and the things that have transpired since 19 Kids and Counting first aired.
I wasn’t expecting her to denounce her faith, but I was hoping to see growth. What really bothered me is that Jinger very clearly struggles with an anxiety disorder but calls it an “overactive conscience.” Instead of seeking psychological treatment, her cure for anxiety is reading the Bible. As someone who also struggles with anxiety, I found her approach to mental health problematic. You can be faithful and still seek professional help from mental health advocates.
She also talks about how she developed an eating disorder but the way she overcame the disorder was talking to her mom and praying… that’s just not helpful advice. Again, I think she needed to seek professional help.
I also found her reliance on bible passages to be very odd. I can tell she is still very much an evangelical Christian. As a Catholic, myself, I find her reliance on the word of God to be way too literal. She says that everything in the Bible is historically accurate… even most Christians agree that there is little evidence to suggest that the bible should be read as historically accurate…
Ugh I could go on and on and on about all the reasons this book is problematic, but I just don’t have enough time for that. If you’re looking for a meaningful book about overcoming religious trauma, this ain’t it my friend
I wasn’t expecting her to denounce her faith, but I was hoping to see growth. What really bothered me is that Jinger very clearly struggles with an anxiety disorder but calls it an “overactive conscience.” Instead of seeking psychological treatment, her cure for anxiety is reading the Bible. As someone who also struggles with anxiety, I found her approach to mental health problematic. You can be faithful and still seek professional help from mental health advocates.
She also talks about how she developed an eating disorder but the way she overcame the disorder was talking to her mom and praying… that’s just not helpful advice. Again, I think she needed to seek professional help.
I also found her reliance on bible passages to be very odd. I can tell she is still very much an evangelical Christian. As a Catholic, myself, I find her reliance on the word of God to be way too literal. She says that everything in the Bible is historically accurate… even most Christians agree that there is little evidence to suggest that the bible should be read as historically accurate…
Ugh I could go on and on and on about all the reasons this book is problematic, but I just don’t have enough time for that. If you’re looking for a meaningful book about overcoming religious trauma, this ain’t it my friend
March 16, 2023
I grew up in IBLP/ATI like Jinger, and can relate to a lot of the things she talks about in this book. It takes a crap ton of courage to share your story and call out the BS of a phony spiritual leader, so I applaud her for that.
Unfortunately it feels like she has over spiritualized and over simplified the process of healing from religious trauma and recovering from growing up in a cult.
If this is her story, cool. You do you. But she has made it very clear that one purpose for the book is to help anyone else who also wants to “disentangle” their faith.
So I was disappointed to find that all of her advice was spiritual in nature such as “be humble” and “trust God.” There was no mention of therapy, professional help, or anything evidence based, which I find extremely problematic.
Jinger says all we need is to simply learn how to read the Bible the “right” way and we’ll be good. For many of us who survived IBLP or other spiritually abusive environments, reading the Bible is so triggering it is impossible until much healing has taken place.
If this path has worked for her, that is great and I’m so happy for her. I just think it falls painfully short for much of the community she claims to have written it for.
Unfortunately it feels like she has over spiritualized and over simplified the process of healing from religious trauma and recovering from growing up in a cult.
If this is her story, cool. You do you. But she has made it very clear that one purpose for the book is to help anyone else who also wants to “disentangle” their faith.
So I was disappointed to find that all of her advice was spiritual in nature such as “be humble” and “trust God.” There was no mention of therapy, professional help, or anything evidence based, which I find extremely problematic.
Jinger says all we need is to simply learn how to read the Bible the “right” way and we’ll be good. For many of us who survived IBLP or other spiritually abusive environments, reading the Bible is so triggering it is impossible until much healing has taken place.
If this path has worked for her, that is great and I’m so happy for her. I just think it falls painfully short for much of the community she claims to have written it for.
January 24, 2023
As someone who watched 19 kids and counting I wanted to read Jingers book. This is not a tell all book about her family. This is her way of outing Bill Gothard. She has held so much in for so long. Her parents have aloud her to feel so bad about herself for years. I hope this book helps other Christians who also followed or are following B.Gothard and in hopes they find their own way. He is truly an awful human being.
September 21, 2023
You can’t rate someone’s life, but this was so helpful. Jinger is brave and honest whilst staying respectful, kind, and full of godly love. Her pain is palpable, but so is her new freedom. I’m incredibly grateful for her willingness to share. She didn’t write a tell-all dissing her family. Instead, she wrote a tell-all of God’s grace. I think that’s beautiful.
(I’m also definitely looking forward to getting a copy of Jill’s memoir.)
(I’m also definitely looking forward to getting a copy of Jill’s memoir.)
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