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Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
A Book Riot best book of 2023
A Science Friday best book of 2023
An Audible best well-being audiobook of 2023
By the time they reach kindergarten, most kids believe that “fat” is bad. By middle school, more than a quarter of them have gone on a diet. What are parents supposed to do?
Kids learn, as we’ve all learned, that thinness is a survival strategy in a world that equates body size and value. Parents worry if their kids care too much about being thin, but even more about the consequences if they aren’t. And multibillion-dollar industries thrive on this fear of fatness. We’ve fought the “war on obesity” for over forty years and Americans aren’t thinner or happier with their bodies. But it’s not our kids—or their weight—who need fixing.
In this illuminating narrative, journalist Virginia Sole-Smith exposes the daily onslaught of fatphobia and body shaming that kids face from school, sports, doctors, diet culture, and parents themselves—and offers strategies for how families can change the conversation around weight, health, and self-worth.
Fat Talk is a stirring, deeply researched, and groundbreaking book that will help parents learn to reckon with their own body biases, identify diet culture, and empower their kids to navigate this challenging landscape. Sole-Smith draws on her extensive reporting and interviews with dozens of parents and kids to offer a provocative new approach for thinking about food and bodies, and a way for us all to work toward a more weight-inclusive world.
A Book Riot best book of 2023
A Science Friday best book of 2023
An Audible best well-being audiobook of 2023
By the time they reach kindergarten, most kids believe that “fat” is bad. By middle school, more than a quarter of them have gone on a diet. What are parents supposed to do?
Kids learn, as we’ve all learned, that thinness is a survival strategy in a world that equates body size and value. Parents worry if their kids care too much about being thin, but even more about the consequences if they aren’t. And multibillion-dollar industries thrive on this fear of fatness. We’ve fought the “war on obesity” for over forty years and Americans aren’t thinner or happier with their bodies. But it’s not our kids—or their weight—who need fixing.
In this illuminating narrative, journalist Virginia Sole-Smith exposes the daily onslaught of fatphobia and body shaming that kids face from school, sports, doctors, diet culture, and parents themselves—and offers strategies for how families can change the conversation around weight, health, and self-worth.
Fat Talk is a stirring, deeply researched, and groundbreaking book that will help parents learn to reckon with their own body biases, identify diet culture, and empower their kids to navigate this challenging landscape. Sole-Smith draws on her extensive reporting and interviews with dozens of parents and kids to offer a provocative new approach for thinking about food and bodies, and a way for us all to work toward a more weight-inclusive world.
392 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 25, 2023
753 people are currently reading
16636 people want to read
About the author
Virginia Sole-Smith
3 books394 followersVirginia Sole-Smith has reported from kitchen tables and grocery stores, graduated from beauty school, and gone swimming in a mermaid’s tail. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times Magazine, Harper’s, Elle and others. Sole-Smith writes the popular Substack newsletter Burnt Toast and hosts the Burnt Toast Podcast. She lives in New York’s Hudson Valley with her husband, two daughters, a cat, a dog, and too many houseplants.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 732 reviews
June 16, 2023
***I won this book in a Goodreads Giveaway***
This review is going to get ugly. I've got a lot of negative things to say, but before I do that I want to make a couple points. I *agree* with the author on several of her premises. I agree that anti-fat bias and fatphobia are ubiquitous in our culture and that bias is harming people at least as much as any health issues related to fat is harming them. I agree that we can't shield our children from these things, but we can give them the skills to see them for what they are. I agree that pop culture has oversimplified the science and colored it with their own fatphobia. Diet culture is a cancer.
Unfortunately, this book does nothing to help with these issues. I read the entire thing and have no new skills in my parenting toolbox for how to help my kids cope with diet culture. It's not that she doesn't make recommendations or claim steps that parents can take...it's that those recommendations are not grounded in reality.
Take her chapters on the science around weight, for example. She (very rightly) points out that many studies show correlation and not causation. She's very critical of studies that don't make this clear or that are portrayed wrongly in pop culture. She does NOT lend the same critical eye to studies or articles that support her opinion. In numerous places she will quote an article that says one thing and then add a flippant comment along the lines of "but we all know what that REALLY means" which is about as unscientific as one can get. In one place, she disputes the claims of a study because she talked to the scientist in an interview and got their "real" opinion. What?!? No. That's not how this works.
Moving on from that, her views of adolescent sports are so wrong headed that I actually found myself getting angry as I read them. I should be clear...I played sports as a kid. And I was bad at them. I was a mediocre at best track runner. A bench warmer in multiple other sports. And I feel like that experience helped me to see the different ways that kids interact around sports (both good and bad). I am 100% in favor of kids doing sports, even if they're not good at them because that experience and perspective will help them throughout their lives. It's GOOD to do things that make you uncomfortable.
And that is the crux of my issue with this book. The author doesn't seem to believe that we should challenge ourselves physically. She takes ALL attempts at weight loss as a bad thing and I think that is patently unfair and illogical. Sometimes people FEEL better with less weight. Sometimes they are happier when they exercise more. And while that's not always the case, and there are so so many examples of unhealthy weight loss (both mentally and physically) to completely discount the benefits is...well, it makes me not trust anything in the book. How can I talk to my kids realistically about diet culture if we can't acknowledge that sometimes exercising more DOES make one happier? Or that eating healthier DOES give one better energy? Those options should be on the table in these conversations, with love and understanding that their body is perfect and it's up to them to choose how to use it.
Anyway, I wouldn't bother with this book if I were you. It was a big disappointment.
This review is going to get ugly. I've got a lot of negative things to say, but before I do that I want to make a couple points. I *agree* with the author on several of her premises. I agree that anti-fat bias and fatphobia are ubiquitous in our culture and that bias is harming people at least as much as any health issues related to fat is harming them. I agree that we can't shield our children from these things, but we can give them the skills to see them for what they are. I agree that pop culture has oversimplified the science and colored it with their own fatphobia. Diet culture is a cancer.
Unfortunately, this book does nothing to help with these issues. I read the entire thing and have no new skills in my parenting toolbox for how to help my kids cope with diet culture. It's not that she doesn't make recommendations or claim steps that parents can take...it's that those recommendations are not grounded in reality.
Take her chapters on the science around weight, for example. She (very rightly) points out that many studies show correlation and not causation. She's very critical of studies that don't make this clear or that are portrayed wrongly in pop culture. She does NOT lend the same critical eye to studies or articles that support her opinion. In numerous places she will quote an article that says one thing and then add a flippant comment along the lines of "but we all know what that REALLY means" which is about as unscientific as one can get. In one place, she disputes the claims of a study because she talked to the scientist in an interview and got their "real" opinion. What?!? No. That's not how this works.
Moving on from that, her views of adolescent sports are so wrong headed that I actually found myself getting angry as I read them. I should be clear...I played sports as a kid. And I was bad at them. I was a mediocre at best track runner. A bench warmer in multiple other sports. And I feel like that experience helped me to see the different ways that kids interact around sports (both good and bad). I am 100% in favor of kids doing sports, even if they're not good at them because that experience and perspective will help them throughout their lives. It's GOOD to do things that make you uncomfortable.
And that is the crux of my issue with this book. The author doesn't seem to believe that we should challenge ourselves physically. She takes ALL attempts at weight loss as a bad thing and I think that is patently unfair and illogical. Sometimes people FEEL better with less weight. Sometimes they are happier when they exercise more. And while that's not always the case, and there are so so many examples of unhealthy weight loss (both mentally and physically) to completely discount the benefits is...well, it makes me not trust anything in the book. How can I talk to my kids realistically about diet culture if we can't acknowledge that sometimes exercising more DOES make one happier? Or that eating healthier DOES give one better energy? Those options should be on the table in these conversations, with love and understanding that their body is perfect and it's up to them to choose how to use it.
Anyway, I wouldn't bother with this book if I were you. It was a big disappointment.
August 8, 2024
Appreciated this book for its intelligent and thorough takedown of anti-fat bias, especially in relation to children and teens. Virginia Sole-Smith covers a lot of territory in this book, such as how parents talk to their children about fatness, food, and weight, the ways that doctors can either perpetuate or reduce anti-fat bias, and how social media can stir up anti-fat bias and glorify thinness. I like that Sole-Smith blended narratives from real people with peer-reviewed research and takes from academics; she also names the intersection of anti-fat bias and other oppressions like anti-Black racism and misogyny. For those who have already read a decent amount about fatphobia this book may not be super surprising or filled with new information, however I found it a nice refresher and am glad more people are talking about this.
As a somewhat random aside, again, I am glad that people are naming fatphobia/anti-fat bias for what it is. Just the other week a gay man I play tennis with talked about cutting carbs so he could look good to go to Fire Island, and I was like, nope, I am not engaging in this conversation nor endorsing/condoning fatphobia in the queer community. I’m glad that I spend pretty much no time thinking about my weight or what my body looks like so I can focus on my meaningful work, hobbies, and relationships. And, I hope books like these help more people appreciate their bodies for how they feel and what they can do instead of how they look.
As a somewhat random aside, again, I am glad that people are naming fatphobia/anti-fat bias for what it is. Just the other week a gay man I play tennis with talked about cutting carbs so he could look good to go to Fire Island, and I was like, nope, I am not engaging in this conversation nor endorsing/condoning fatphobia in the queer community. I’m glad that I spend pretty much no time thinking about my weight or what my body looks like so I can focus on my meaningful work, hobbies, and relationships. And, I hope books like these help more people appreciate their bodies for how they feel and what they can do instead of how they look.
October 11, 2023
This is a really good timely book. It is smart and helpful and not only for parents or primary caretakers of children. I learned a lot and appreciated how Sole-Smith called in many things we think are "healthy" or "inclusive". I plan to suggest this book to lots and lots of people.
June 24, 2023
I got so much from this book, which I listened to on audio (read by the author). I don’t have children, but I was a fat kid raised at the height of 1990s diet culture and whoa did this resonate. I was deeply affected thinking through all the negative, hurtful messages I internalised about my body, especially from family, and how that has brought me to where I am today: in a straight sized body after years of aggressive and shame-fuelled dieting, still constantly obsessed with my weight even as I try to accept and love my body. This helped me to understand where and how those insidious, relentless voices in my head were formed, even as I was walking along while listening, still body scanning myself in every shop window I passed. I really hope this reaches some parents and their kids, and that they are able to avoid some of the harms of anti-fat bias.
July 17, 2023
I initially contemplated stopping listening to this book after the first chapter, but I decided to push through in order to provide a fair review. In my opinion, this book may resonate with individuals in larger bodies or parents of children in larger bodies, as it seeks to validate their experiences as "nothing is your fault". However, for those who are "straight sized" or have a more critical mindset, I would not recommend it.
The author's main message seems to be that being in a larger body is not one's fault, you are completely healthy, and should be celebrated. She emphasizes that parents, particularly mothers should not be blamed for their child's weight, unless there is an eating disorder present, then it is the mother's fault.
At one point in the book she brings up the concept of epigenetics and how when a pregnant woman restricts calories (by choice or by circumstances), particularly carbohydrates, her child is more likely to be overweight. There are several longitudinal studies to confirm this data yet she says “no one thing you did or didn’t do can be ever singled out as the cause of anything about your child’s body or health“ [during pregnancy]. I understand she is referring to weight but one cannot make such a blanket statement when we know that children who are born addicted to cocaine are not born to mothers who never took cocaine. This is a statement that when taken in such a blanket way removes all personal responsibility a mother has to her unborn baby.
Furthermore, the author's use of statistics appears biased, as she selectively highlights data that aligns with her views while disregarding contradictory information. For instance, she dismisses correlations between excess weight and health issues, yet fails to delve into the reasons behind racial disparities in school suspensions. She goes on a tirade about how females are the main providers of meal planning and preparation citing a survey study that said females say they do 40% of the meal planning/prepping but only 6% of males said they did- what did the other 54% say? Was it shared? This is important information to know about the study that she fails to mention.
Her argument against the impact of body size on athletic performance, particularly in rowing, lacks coherence. While she suggests "building a better boat" to eliminate size-based advantages, her counterargument doesn't adequately address the overall mass advantage of thinner athletes in the context of boat racing.
I also find it troubling that she praises the Kardashians despite their significant influence on body augmentation trends and restrictive diets, particularly for children. Such praise contradicts the book's overall message.
While I am willing to adjust my language to be more inclusive and have gained some insights from her discussions on social media and its effects on young people, I disagree with some of her proposed solutions. For example, will I try to talk to my child about how going to lazer tag for their birthday isn’t inclusive of everyone and we should go to the zoo instead as is an example given in the book? No. Because that option singles out the vegans who are against animal cruelty. This leads to a never-ending cycle of trying to please everyone.
In conclusion, I did not find this book personally satisfying, but I am open to modifying my language in a more positive and inclusive manner. However, I remain critical of certain aspects and arguments presented in the book and would not recommend.
The author's main message seems to be that being in a larger body is not one's fault, you are completely healthy, and should be celebrated. She emphasizes that parents, particularly mothers should not be blamed for their child's weight, unless there is an eating disorder present, then it is the mother's fault.
At one point in the book she brings up the concept of epigenetics and how when a pregnant woman restricts calories (by choice or by circumstances), particularly carbohydrates, her child is more likely to be overweight. There are several longitudinal studies to confirm this data yet she says “no one thing you did or didn’t do can be ever singled out as the cause of anything about your child’s body or health“ [during pregnancy]. I understand she is referring to weight but one cannot make such a blanket statement when we know that children who are born addicted to cocaine are not born to mothers who never took cocaine. This is a statement that when taken in such a blanket way removes all personal responsibility a mother has to her unborn baby.
Furthermore, the author's use of statistics appears biased, as she selectively highlights data that aligns with her views while disregarding contradictory information. For instance, she dismisses correlations between excess weight and health issues, yet fails to delve into the reasons behind racial disparities in school suspensions. She goes on a tirade about how females are the main providers of meal planning and preparation citing a survey study that said females say they do 40% of the meal planning/prepping but only 6% of males said they did- what did the other 54% say? Was it shared? This is important information to know about the study that she fails to mention.
Her argument against the impact of body size on athletic performance, particularly in rowing, lacks coherence. While she suggests "building a better boat" to eliminate size-based advantages, her counterargument doesn't adequately address the overall mass advantage of thinner athletes in the context of boat racing.
I also find it troubling that she praises the Kardashians despite their significant influence on body augmentation trends and restrictive diets, particularly for children. Such praise contradicts the book's overall message.
While I am willing to adjust my language to be more inclusive and have gained some insights from her discussions on social media and its effects on young people, I disagree with some of her proposed solutions. For example, will I try to talk to my child about how going to lazer tag for their birthday isn’t inclusive of everyone and we should go to the zoo instead as is an example given in the book? No. Because that option singles out the vegans who are against animal cruelty. This leads to a never-ending cycle of trying to please everyone.
In conclusion, I did not find this book personally satisfying, but I am open to modifying my language in a more positive and inclusive manner. However, I remain critical of certain aspects and arguments presented in the book and would not recommend.
November 26, 2022
What an important book to read as a parent. It’s a book I wish my mom read when I was young. The author has done years of research and puts a wonderful and easy to comprehend book together.
Thanks to NetGalley for an advanced copy for the purpose of this review.
Thanks to NetGalley for an advanced copy for the purpose of this review.
June 14, 2023
Sole-Smith makes some really good points about how we talk about food and dieting and weight with our kids - and how much of it is more harmful than beneficial. I agree with many of her arguments.
Unfortunately, the science is atrocious. Several times, single studies are used to prove her point. She disregards any data showing weight related to health conditions (diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.) as they show "correlation not causation" yet does use studies showing "correlation not causation" on the influence of social media on body image.
If this book had stuck to a philosophical argument that what we say to our kids can do more harm than good, this would be a five-star book. As it is, I can't rate the book higher than three stars due to the poor use of science.
We should be able to have conversations about weight, health, and diet culture without cherry-picking the available science to suit our arguments.
Unfortunately, the science is atrocious. Several times, single studies are used to prove her point. She disregards any data showing weight related to health conditions (diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.) as they show "correlation not causation" yet does use studies showing "correlation not causation" on the influence of social media on body image.
If this book had stuck to a philosophical argument that what we say to our kids can do more harm than good, this would be a five-star book. As it is, I can't rate the book higher than three stars due to the poor use of science.
We should be able to have conversations about weight, health, and diet culture without cherry-picking the available science to suit our arguments.
August 24, 2023
I just finished listening to this book and am struggling to rate it.
I agree with the author’s main points - that we live in a world with fat bias, that fat people deserve safety, dignity and respect, and that we should teach our kids that they should love their bodies as they are and work to change society to be more inclusive of diverse bodies.
If the book focused on these arguments, it would have been great. But it didn’t.
The author argued that obesity is just correlated to negative health outcomes but doesn’t cause them. I think she cites something, but ignored decades of findings that obesity increases risks for type 2 diabetes, PCOS, Hugh cholesterol, etc.
She misrepresented Ellyn Satter’s division of responsibility, ignoring the central tenant that parents are responsible for serving healthy meals at set meal times and that children will learn to regulate intake.
And didn’t fully explain the rat study, failing to mention that rats were offered healthy food but only wanted junk food. They chose to starve themselves because they were addicted to junk food.
And I found the sports chapter infuriating.
I thought the book would look at both sides more. I didn’t trust the arguments, because the author seemed to tailor studies to fit her thesis.
In all, the book challenged me. It helped me recognize my own fat bias, but I am not sure I would recommend if.
I agree with the author’s main points - that we live in a world with fat bias, that fat people deserve safety, dignity and respect, and that we should teach our kids that they should love their bodies as they are and work to change society to be more inclusive of diverse bodies.
If the book focused on these arguments, it would have been great. But it didn’t.
The author argued that obesity is just correlated to negative health outcomes but doesn’t cause them. I think she cites something, but ignored decades of findings that obesity increases risks for type 2 diabetes, PCOS, Hugh cholesterol, etc.
She misrepresented Ellyn Satter’s division of responsibility, ignoring the central tenant that parents are responsible for serving healthy meals at set meal times and that children will learn to regulate intake.
And didn’t fully explain the rat study, failing to mention that rats were offered healthy food but only wanted junk food. They chose to starve themselves because they were addicted to junk food.
And I found the sports chapter infuriating.
I thought the book would look at both sides more. I didn’t trust the arguments, because the author seemed to tailor studies to fit her thesis.
In all, the book challenged me. It helped me recognize my own fat bias, but I am not sure I would recommend if.
March 31, 2023
this had me rethink almost every part of my life
March 13, 2023
I'd like to buy about a thousand copies of this very thoroughly researched book and hand them out to anyone I meet that either works with children in any capacity, or has children, or knows someone who has children, or was ever a fat child themselves. Basically, I'd like to force everyone on the planet to read this book. As a fat adult still untangling the physical and emotional damage done to me by a parent obsessed with making my body smaller, it was hard not to cry when reading some of the parts about parents and children that Virginia Sole-Smith interviewed for this book -- especially when so many of those parents are my age, and had childhood experiences so much like my own, and who are working so hard to parent their children differently. This is a vital book not only for parents of children, adolescent healthcare specialists, and educators, but also for anyone having to reparent themselves after a fat childhood. Thank you, Virginia Sole-Smith. Thank you.
October 4, 2023
Whew, this book was hard to rate. Maybe tipped to 3.5 for the last chapter. I really wanted to love this book in its entirety, and maybe I just had different expectations for what the book was. I was hoping for more concrete/practical suggestions for raising kids, especially daughters, in how to think about their bodies and relate to them in our current culture. I found the book pretty depressing in that the message seemed to be that almost everything was wrong/bad, with few practical suggestions for what the literature says is the best way to do that. The last chapter helped sum up those [small!] pieces from each chapter, which at least felt like ending on a more positive/productive note.
I found that the book gave me a lot to think about - in terms of what to avoid, how I have unknowingly contributed to fatphobia, how steeped our culture is in fatphobia in ways that I've never even thought about, etc. I appreciated her initial message that some unlearning would need to be involved and I can see how that is true for me.
The hardest thing for me, I think, was that I ended up being disappointed in her use of the evidence. She often essentially completely dismisses any kind of research that shows correlation, not causation, when it doesn't suit her; and then in the same paragraph will cite a different study to prove a point, using terms like "most likely will result in"....which is a correlative relationship. It was interesting to hear all the interview quotes and all the research articles she cited, but I didn't leave the book feeling confident that she treated the evidence with the same fairness and objectivity when it didn't fit her purpose. I get it, it's her book, and she's writing to convey a particular message, but I guess I was hoping it would be a little more objective all around.
Still a worthy read, I think, because it gave me a lot to think about, but I wouldn't cite this as a definitive source on how to raise kids to have a healthy relationship with their bodies, food, exercise/movement, etc. I personally found Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole & Elyse Resch to be both more objective and more useful/practical.
I found that the book gave me a lot to think about - in terms of what to avoid, how I have unknowingly contributed to fatphobia, how steeped our culture is in fatphobia in ways that I've never even thought about, etc. I appreciated her initial message that some unlearning would need to be involved and I can see how that is true for me.
The hardest thing for me, I think, was that I ended up being disappointed in her use of the evidence. She often essentially completely dismisses any kind of research that shows correlation, not causation, when it doesn't suit her; and then in the same paragraph will cite a different study to prove a point, using terms like "most likely will result in"....which is a correlative relationship. It was interesting to hear all the interview quotes and all the research articles she cited, but I didn't leave the book feeling confident that she treated the evidence with the same fairness and objectivity when it didn't fit her purpose. I get it, it's her book, and she's writing to convey a particular message, but I guess I was hoping it would be a little more objective all around.
Still a worthy read, I think, because it gave me a lot to think about, but I wouldn't cite this as a definitive source on how to raise kids to have a healthy relationship with their bodies, food, exercise/movement, etc. I personally found Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole & Elyse Resch to be both more objective and more useful/practical.
Read
December 26, 2022This book is a deeply researched and often emotionally fraught treatise on how diet culture hurts all of us. The mix of science and narrative provides a solid base of knowledge while not overwhelming already concerned parents with too much jargon. After all, medical professionals using scare quotes to threaten anyone outside of a randomly assigned height-weight ratio with imminent demise is how we got into so much of this mess! Offering guides on how to avoid the common pitfalls of diet culture, including how it slips in the corners no matter how hard we try, this book provides realistic and accessible support to parents looking to break the cycle for our children.
Personal note: the chapter on dealing with extended family (specifically how to combat the boomers who comprise a significant portion of the grandparent population) was especially helpful. As someone raised in the standard issue white-boomer-fatphobia* of the 90s and early 00s, my spouse and I are working hard to deconstruct that behavior before it damages another generation. Many of my parenting and age cohorts will genuinely appreciate feeling seen on this issue.
Overall, I wish I could have every parent, teacher and healthcare provider read this book and implement a weight-neutral approach to raising healthy and happy children.
*And here I use “phobia” intentionally, the genuine terror of not performing feminine thinness correctly cannot be overstated as a issue in my formative years
Personal note: the chapter on dealing with extended family (specifically how to combat the boomers who comprise a significant portion of the grandparent population) was especially helpful. As someone raised in the standard issue white-boomer-fatphobia* of the 90s and early 00s, my spouse and I are working hard to deconstruct that behavior before it damages another generation. Many of my parenting and age cohorts will genuinely appreciate feeling seen on this issue.
Overall, I wish I could have every parent, teacher and healthcare provider read this book and implement a weight-neutral approach to raising healthy and happy children.
*And here I use “phobia” intentionally, the genuine terror of not performing feminine thinness correctly cannot be overstated as a issue in my formative years
April 22, 2023
This is a paradigm-shifting book. It takes all of the body positivity movement and supports anti-diet culture pretty solidly. It considers the language that we use to discuss bodies, the cultural and historical implications of body sizes, the expectations and pressures and shaming of mothers of people in bigger bodies, and the relationships between weight and health and genetics.
I did want a bit more depth on the medical connections with weight and health, but there is probably just the right amount. She debunks and/or questions a lot of the common beliefs in this arena, and, as she considers new ideas that may have causation-correlation problems, she acknowledges these problems and notes that they are the same problems with the things that we commonly hold as truth. I've read a lot of other recent books about genetics and food that reinforce the ideas here. They are just so ingrained that it's hard not to want to rely on the comforting cognitive biases that keep me (us) believing certain things about size, weight, health, etc.
The key to this book isn't that I went entirely from one way of thinking to an entirely new way of thinking, but rather that it is making me think in an ongoing way and making me put my understandings under a microscope. I think it's one that I'll want to read again after spending some time processing.
I hope all parents pick up this book... and if it makes us uncomfortable, maybe we should continue to ask why it makes us uncomfortable. Even if it doesn't shift thinking 100%, I think these ideas are worth being aware of considering in order to protect our young people (and ourselves) from some of the psychological, sociological, AND medical harm that some of the diet culture ideas cause.
I did want a bit more depth on the medical connections with weight and health, but there is probably just the right amount. She debunks and/or questions a lot of the common beliefs in this arena, and, as she considers new ideas that may have causation-correlation problems, she acknowledges these problems and notes that they are the same problems with the things that we commonly hold as truth. I've read a lot of other recent books about genetics and food that reinforce the ideas here. They are just so ingrained that it's hard not to want to rely on the comforting cognitive biases that keep me (us) believing certain things about size, weight, health, etc.
The key to this book isn't that I went entirely from one way of thinking to an entirely new way of thinking, but rather that it is making me think in an ongoing way and making me put my understandings under a microscope. I think it's one that I'll want to read again after spending some time processing.
I hope all parents pick up this book... and if it makes us uncomfortable, maybe we should continue to ask why it makes us uncomfortable. Even if it doesn't shift thinking 100%, I think these ideas are worth being aware of considering in order to protect our young people (and ourselves) from some of the psychological, sociological, AND medical harm that some of the diet culture ideas cause.
August 12, 2023
The title of this book drew me in because I have been thinking a lot lately about how I and different people relate to food. Between my love for cooking, my devotion to nutrition, and my job which largely focuses on food security, I realized that I spend a majority of my waking hours considering how I and others eat. Additionally, I’ve had some conversations lately that make me as concerned as ever by the prevalence of eating disorders, especially among youth.
SO, this book seemed relevant. Unfortunately, it was maybe the most disagreeable book I have ever read. Not hyperbolizing here. I thought “how could you possibly say that” on almost every page. I do appreciate the idea that we should not discriminate against those in larger bodies, but everything about how that was teased out was basically the opposite of the way I think. Maybe that makes me the problem. The author would certainly think so. I’ve never read a book where the author would so hate me.
Anyway, I still give it two stars because it was actually very well written. Not short but easy to finish, and her points were always clear. Perhaps that’s part of why I found it so disagreeable! I’ve probably read other books with ideas I equally oppose, but the ideas were muddled. Sole-smith eloquently and entertainingly described how it’s a myth that it’s unhealthy to be obese, our desire to be fit is socially conditioned, and at the root of the whole mess are healthy white heterosexual males.
SO, this book seemed relevant. Unfortunately, it was maybe the most disagreeable book I have ever read. Not hyperbolizing here. I thought “how could you possibly say that” on almost every page. I do appreciate the idea that we should not discriminate against those in larger bodies, but everything about how that was teased out was basically the opposite of the way I think. Maybe that makes me the problem. The author would certainly think so. I’ve never read a book where the author would so hate me.
Anyway, I still give it two stars because it was actually very well written. Not short but easy to finish, and her points were always clear. Perhaps that’s part of why I found it so disagreeable! I’ve probably read other books with ideas I equally oppose, but the ideas were muddled. Sole-smith eloquently and entertainingly described how it’s a myth that it’s unhealthy to be obese, our desire to be fit is socially conditioned, and at the root of the whole mess are healthy white heterosexual males.
December 13, 2022
An incredibly necessary book that most parents, parents-to-be, and victims of diet culture (especially when inflicted upon them by their own parents) should read. This really challenged me and made me reflect on how much I have to learn and need to question about my own assumptions and biases.
Disrupting diet culture in one’s own parenting practices isn’t as intuitive as it might seem, and though I’m not sure I’ll follow every single piece of advice in this book in the event that I DO become a parent, I know that I’ll keep it close and reference it often because I want to ensure any children I may have someday have a healthier relationship with their bodies than I do with mine.
Disrupting diet culture in one’s own parenting practices isn’t as intuitive as it might seem, and though I’m not sure I’ll follow every single piece of advice in this book in the event that I DO become a parent, I know that I’ll keep it close and reference it often because I want to ensure any children I may have someday have a healthier relationship with their bodies than I do with mine.
May 14, 2023
I’m struggling with this one. I enjoyed the comments around normalizing all body sizes and I’m completely on bored with that. Diet culture does lead to eating disorders. I completely agree. But the talks on eating healthy and good and bad foods I don’t agree with completely. I also would love to see more research behind weight not being a factor in health problems. Overall I appreciated this read, it got me thinking, but I’m ultimately frustrated with the conflicting information amongst the medical community.
July 3, 2023
This book! Many other people have said this already, but this book is soooo not just for parents. I wish that literally everyone in my life would read it. It's such a heavy-hitter, and also such a joy to read. Fat Talk is excellently, thoroughly reported, with great care toward its subjects. I am always impressed by the sensitivity with which Virginia Sole-Smith writes about race, gender, and sexuality - as a straight white cis woman - which is to say, mostly getting out of the way to give voice to people with lived experience, and taking them at their word. From the book to the newsletter and podcast, Virginia's work is so smart, so thoughtful and radical (obviously I am a long-time fangirl). Fat Talk instantly feels like a body liberation classic, and I'm excited to keep thinking and talking about it for a long while.
May 23, 2023
Some good information, but it never addresses if a child actively and healthily wants to change his/ her weight or eating habits to feel better inside. I don’t think that allowing your child to do literally anything they want is a good thing in any situation.
July 1, 2024
generally i have little interest in books for parents, not least because i am not a parent and my instinct is always to take the child's side, because i remember being a frustrated child and also i'm a communist who's dubious of the nuclear family structure. but i was deeply impressed by how empathetic this book is to parents and children alike, and how understanding sole-smith is about the conundrums parents face even as she remains uncompromisingly committed to fat liberation.
July 13, 2023
I have mixed feelings on this. All the unpacking of anti-fat bias in here is good for me, as a parent, a fat person, and a human in the world. I'm glad I read this for that and some of the strategies about conversations to have with kids of all body sizes. We've been lucky to have pediatricians that haven't talked about weight and dieting, but I thought the suggestions about how to handle those things with your doctor's office were great. Overall I have positive feelings about this book and would recommend it.
However, I felt like there were very black and white descriptions in the book - you're either a bad or misguided parent that has padlocks on the treats or you're a good one that lets kids make all their own food decisions. It felt like any talk about food and what you're eating is a potential trigger to send someone down the path of disordered eating, so don't do any of that.
I don't feel like I left the book with a better idea of how to handle food with kids and teens. Or maybe I found the advice I found hard to digest? I should just let them eat a whole package of Oreos or all the ice cream if they want? I don't care about my kids' body sizes but I also don't think the snacky diet they would adopt without guidance from their parents is a good idea. I help them make healthier decisions around other things in their lives, and I know that derogatory comments about food and bodies can be especially bad for adolescents, but letting kids who don't make the best decisions do whatever they want is hard for me to accept.
However, I felt like there were very black and white descriptions in the book - you're either a bad or misguided parent that has padlocks on the treats or you're a good one that lets kids make all their own food decisions. It felt like any talk about food and what you're eating is a potential trigger to send someone down the path of disordered eating, so don't do any of that.
I don't feel like I left the book with a better idea of how to handle food with kids and teens. Or maybe I found the advice I found hard to digest? I should just let them eat a whole package of Oreos or all the ice cream if they want? I don't care about my kids' body sizes but I also don't think the snacky diet they would adopt without guidance from their parents is a good idea. I help them make healthier decisions around other things in their lives, and I know that derogatory comments about food and bodies can be especially bad for adolescents, but letting kids who don't make the best decisions do whatever they want is hard for me to accept.
April 25, 2024
If you’re well versed in the anti-diet space, a lot of the info in this book will be review. But the way it’s applied is something I’ve not read before and is invaluable. For me it highlighted that as much work as I like to think I’ve done in this space there are still a lot of parenting practices I subconsciously participate in that are rooted in fatphobia and that there is always and forever more work to be done. I’m so grateful she put this book out into the world.
June 7, 2023
This was so good and so informative about the pressures kids face being raced in this diet culturey fat phobic society. There are so many influences on kids from their doctors, schools, sports, etc. its scary. The discrimination and difference between kid in small bodies vs large bodies is heartbreaking. My complaint about this book is that it kind of heightened my anxiety. It didn't provide many solutions or ways for parents to combat the culture we live in in order to protect our kids. Instead it made me scared to enroll them in sports, take them to the doctor, not have every food in the world in my house, etc.
November 19, 2023
I read this for my therapist book club at work and it was our best pick yet! Accessibly presented research fleshed out with the stories of lots of different families and how they’ve navigated weight, food, exercise, eating disorders, and more. Sole-Smith brings so much empathy to all angles of these conversations. I learned more from some chapters than others - I particularly appreciated the ones on sports and puberty. Obviously this is specifically intended for parents but it would benefit anyone who spends any time around children!
July 20, 2023
Made some good and important points about the very harmful impacts of fatphobia in our culture, but really glossed over the connection between weight and diabetes and other health conditions. Needed to spend more time on this area if they’re going to make such bold claims. Author seemed to cherry pick the scientific info they used to make their points.
A lot of the stories and examples were redundant and unnecessary as well.
A lot of the stories and examples were redundant and unnecessary as well.
August 15, 2023
Forget the "parenting" in the age of diet culture. This book is for parents and also anyone who was a child once. Totally turning the idea of nutrition and health on its head. I cant say "I loved this book" enough.
June 3, 2024
Audiobook, and the first DNF for which I feel compelled to leave a review.
I really contemplated powering through the whole book in order to be able to leave a more thorough review, but thankfully, more than a few folks have done that before me (bless them). There are some really thoughtful, nuanced, critical reviews of this both here and on the NYT pieces about Sole-Smith. Anyway, the reason I didn't finish this book was that I would have been literally screaming and shaking my fist the whole time, and I simply don't have time or energy for that.
Here are the things Sole-Smith gets right, from the few chapters I listened to:
1. Anti-fat bias is a problem, and we experience it in all of the ways our societies are designed for people of all ages. Bodies of all sizes, abilities, ethnicities, genders, and every other dimension of difference deserve to be treated and valued equally, and our systems need to be designed accordingly.
2. Immense pressure is put on parents, particularly on mothers, to get it "right", especially when it comes to diet and feeding -- on top of all the other forms of labor they juggle.
3. The food environments that have been created particularly in the past 50-70 years with the rise of ultra-processed foods have raised inequality of access to nutrient-dense foods and led to corresponding, poor health outcomes.
4. People simply don't owe each other explanations for body size.
And here's just a short sample of Sole Smith's arguments that are irresponsible at best and downright dangerous at worst:
1. Teaching children to read nutrition labels = anti-fat bias.
2. The idea that a six-year-old who rapidly gained 40 lbs and has high cholesterol and fatty liver just magically did so, and his parents should be excused from responsibility for this.
3. Virtually no one chooses to exercise for enjoyment, especially forms of intense exercise. People exercise because anti-fat bias prevalent in society dictates that they need to lose weight.
4. The concept of child-sized portions = anti-fat bias.
5. Exploring why kids in more recent generations are fatter than those in our parents' and grandparents' generation is -- you guessed it -- anti-fat bias.
Anyway, as someone who has intentionally confronted my own anti-fat bias over the past few years, sought out many viewpoints when it comes to food, nutrition, and policies that affect our bodies, this was a series of viewpoints that I simply could not hear out due to all the statistical cherry-picking. It was like one giant bingo card of all the logical fallacies.
Anyway, tl;dr:
Anti-fat bias is a prevalent and dangerous issue.
The many chronic, preventable illnesses tied to excess overweight -- and the costs they have for all of us in the health care system -- are prevalent and dangerous issues.
But Sole-Smith's argument that the former is more grave than the latter is false. The facts simply don't bear that out.
I really contemplated powering through the whole book in order to be able to leave a more thorough review, but thankfully, more than a few folks have done that before me (bless them). There are some really thoughtful, nuanced, critical reviews of this both here and on the NYT pieces about Sole-Smith. Anyway, the reason I didn't finish this book was that I would have been literally screaming and shaking my fist the whole time, and I simply don't have time or energy for that.
Here are the things Sole-Smith gets right, from the few chapters I listened to:
1. Anti-fat bias is a problem, and we experience it in all of the ways our societies are designed for people of all ages. Bodies of all sizes, abilities, ethnicities, genders, and every other dimension of difference deserve to be treated and valued equally, and our systems need to be designed accordingly.
2. Immense pressure is put on parents, particularly on mothers, to get it "right", especially when it comes to diet and feeding -- on top of all the other forms of labor they juggle.
3. The food environments that have been created particularly in the past 50-70 years with the rise of ultra-processed foods have raised inequality of access to nutrient-dense foods and led to corresponding, poor health outcomes.
4. People simply don't owe each other explanations for body size.
And here's just a short sample of Sole Smith's arguments that are irresponsible at best and downright dangerous at worst:
1. Teaching children to read nutrition labels = anti-fat bias.
2. The idea that a six-year-old who rapidly gained 40 lbs and has high cholesterol and fatty liver just magically did so, and his parents should be excused from responsibility for this.
3. Virtually no one chooses to exercise for enjoyment, especially forms of intense exercise. People exercise because anti-fat bias prevalent in society dictates that they need to lose weight.
4. The concept of child-sized portions = anti-fat bias.
5. Exploring why kids in more recent generations are fatter than those in our parents' and grandparents' generation is -- you guessed it -- anti-fat bias.
Anyway, as someone who has intentionally confronted my own anti-fat bias over the past few years, sought out many viewpoints when it comes to food, nutrition, and policies that affect our bodies, this was a series of viewpoints that I simply could not hear out due to all the statistical cherry-picking. It was like one giant bingo card of all the logical fallacies.
Anyway, tl;dr:
Anti-fat bias is a prevalent and dangerous issue.
The many chronic, preventable illnesses tied to excess overweight -- and the costs they have for all of us in the health care system -- are prevalent and dangerous issues.
But Sole-Smith's argument that the former is more grave than the latter is false. The facts simply don't bear that out.
May 1, 2023
This important book has arrived just when the world needs it most. Rates of eating disorders have been skyrocketing, social media algorithms are inviting kids into ever more extreme body-focused content, and now new American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines are recommending risky diets, drugs, and weight-loss surgery for kids.
In "Fat Talk," Sole-Smith weaves together her thorough research with tender personal stories from families who are navigating a world that tells so many of us are bodies are wrong.
Some readers will likely find that this book challenges deeply held beliefs about food, weight, and the role of parents in shaping kids' eating habits and body image. Others will find that this book feels like coming home--to ideas they've always known deep down to be true but never had seen articulated in such a compelling, profound way.
If reading the word "Fat" in the title makes you uncomfortable, this book is definitely for you. And while the cover is bold, know that the book itself is brimming with compassion and easy to read. Sole-Smith invites all readers to learn about diet culture's effect on children--and unlearn its harmful messages--just as she herself evolved in her understanding of food and weight over her years as a journalist and as a mother.
In "Fat Talk," Sole-Smith weaves together her thorough research with tender personal stories from families who are navigating a world that tells so many of us are bodies are wrong.
Some readers will likely find that this book challenges deeply held beliefs about food, weight, and the role of parents in shaping kids' eating habits and body image. Others will find that this book feels like coming home--to ideas they've always known deep down to be true but never had seen articulated in such a compelling, profound way.
If reading the word "Fat" in the title makes you uncomfortable, this book is definitely for you. And while the cover is bold, know that the book itself is brimming with compassion and easy to read. Sole-Smith invites all readers to learn about diet culture's effect on children--and unlearn its harmful messages--just as she herself evolved in her understanding of food and weight over her years as a journalist and as a mother.
April 25, 2023
This is a phenomenal book. It strikes the perfect balance between both offering thoroughly researched factual information and also providing practical suggestions for parents and caregivers trying to relate to food in a different way with children.
Once you know diets don’t work and can have many detrimental long term effects on children and adults and that you want to divest yourself from the pressure of diet culture, it can feel like you’re adrift on an ice float. You know what NOT to do, but not much about what approach to take given what you’ve learned about bodies and the naturally occurring range of shapes and sizes. Most of the advice out there is based on bad science and punishing people for being fat. Virginia’s book is the perfect companion for divesting ourselves of diet culture and plotting a new course for our children and future generations. I’m working hard to break the generational patterns of following dangerous misinformation that had me put on a diet in middle school, and I’m so grateful to have this as a reference going forward.
Once you know diets don’t work and can have many detrimental long term effects on children and adults and that you want to divest yourself from the pressure of diet culture, it can feel like you’re adrift on an ice float. You know what NOT to do, but not much about what approach to take given what you’ve learned about bodies and the naturally occurring range of shapes and sizes. Most of the advice out there is based on bad science and punishing people for being fat. Virginia’s book is the perfect companion for divesting ourselves of diet culture and plotting a new course for our children and future generations. I’m working hard to break the generational patterns of following dangerous misinformation that had me put on a diet in middle school, and I’m so grateful to have this as a reference going forward.
July 24, 2023
This is a must-read book for not only parents, but for everyone. I’ve been on the heavy side since childhood, and I’m just so grateful that Virginia Sole-Smith put together a book discussing how our society treats bigger people. There are so many negative stereotypes about bigger people, and a lot of it has to do with ridiculous myths and misconceptions about why people are overweight.
The book really focuses on how the way we talk about fatness to our kids is extremely damaging. It not only leads to depression and a negative self-view, but it also often leads to extremely harmful eating disorders. And as previously mentioned, a lot of it isn’t even rooted in science.
Although this book discusses young women for the majority of the book, as a father of a 14-year old son, I was glad there were some sections about young men and fathers as well. While I do think this book is a must-read for everyone, I don’t have high expectations that the perception of fat people will change anytime soon, unfortunately. But this is a fantastic book overall.
The book really focuses on how the way we talk about fatness to our kids is extremely damaging. It not only leads to depression and a negative self-view, but it also often leads to extremely harmful eating disorders. And as previously mentioned, a lot of it isn’t even rooted in science.
Although this book discusses young women for the majority of the book, as a father of a 14-year old son, I was glad there were some sections about young men and fathers as well. While I do think this book is a must-read for everyone, I don’t have high expectations that the perception of fat people will change anytime soon, unfortunately. But this is a fantastic book overall.
October 29, 2023
wow, so good. so much research, so many interviews with people of all sizes, so many personal anecdotes—really kick ass material. the beginning was a little slow but i get that she really had to say the same thing (that being fat and being healthy are different basically) over and over in different ways to really drive the point home for people who are new to this rather than true to this. the last half was really emotional and interesting when she made another point multiple times, which is that we dont know if being fat is bad for you (without the added stress of fatphobia)……..but having an eating disorder is really common and REALLY FUCKING BAD FOR YOU. then at the end she has some useful suggestions of language to use to talk to peers, kids, teachers, doctors, and coaches…..incredibly useful. have to recommend to anyone at any stage of learning abt anti-fat bias with a trigger warning that this shit is so emotional if you’ve ever lived with or live with an eating disorder bc she REALLY talks abt them more than i was expecting. ok bye!
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