The Super-Helper Syndrome: A Survival Guide for Compassionate People

by Jess Baker, Rod Vincent

"I was hooked right from the authors' note; there was such beautiful humanity to it. This book is a powerful catalyst in showing helpers how to help themselves. I loved the prompts bringing deep insight, expertly yet tenderly unpicking the core beliefs that keep us stuck in unhealthy helping habits, followed up with the practical tools to actually do things differently. This book is a game changer" Suzy Reading, author of  The Self-Care Revolution There’s a type of person out there who is better at helping others than they are at looking after themselves. Maybe you’re one of them. Maybe you know someone who is.

They are the backbone of the caring professions, giving strength to our schools, clinics, care homes and hospitals. But you will also find them in offices, gyms, community groups and charities – everywhere you look. There’s usually one in every family.

But these people, who do so much to help others, are struggling. In their efforts to help wherever they can they typically overstretch themselves. Some face traumatic and distressing situations. Those in long-term caring relationships have no time to care for themselves. Those who are professional carers work prolonged hours with inadequate resources.

Deeper down, beneath all of this, there is something else that causes helpers to suffer. It lurks unnoticed. It dwells in the psychology of the helper.

Where people feel compelled to help others and don’t look after their own needs, that’s the Super-Helper Syndrome. Until recently this phenomenon has gone unnoticed and unnamed, but it has now been highlighted by chartered psychologists Jess Baker and Rod Vincent. The Super-Helper Syndrome offers a new perspective on the psychology of helping. It sets out how helping works and why it sometimes goes wrong. It brings to life psychological and neuroscientific research to explain the roots of compassion and empathy. It goes deep into the belief system of helpers and reveals what really motivates them. It illustrates all this with excerpts from a broad spectrum of interviews with paid and unpaid helpers, from ICU nurses to lawyers, volunteers to live-in carers.

The book provides activities for the reader to profile and analyze their own helping relationships. It offers support for people who want to adopt a Healthy Helper Mindset, including meeting their own needs, building assertiveness and setting helping boundaries. It guides the reader towards countering the inner critic with mindful self-compassion. It’s only by doing these things that compassionate people can be most effective at helping others.

This book is for anyone who helps to the detriment of their own wellbeing. It’s for anyone who wants to support the helpers in their colleagues, employees, family members or friends. And it’s for anyone who wants to understand how helping works and to be better at it.

It has been written because it’s vital to improve the lives of those who improve the lives of others.

256 pages, Hardcover

Published June 6, 2023

Reviews

[Jules · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found the first half of this book super helpful (no pun intended!). I’d been reading it alongside my therapy sessions & it really did make me realise that the work I’ve been doing in therapy has helped me to focus more on my own needs & what I want from life, rather than on everyone else.

I found the second half a bit long-winded & not as relevant to myself. I’m not the kind of person who feels I need to help everyone, I don’t always step in when it’s clear I’m not needed.

Overall, an interesting book that will help you to see yourself fully & help you to re-examine your life & set some boundaries.

[Helen Garlick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jess Baker and Rod Vincent have written a well researched, highly informative and delightfully insightful book which (this is my personal take on it) explores the consequences for people who were brought up by narcissistic parents and culturally to be ‘good’ super helpers, putting others’ needs first.

There were many aha moments for me in the book - the one which hit me hardest was that you don’t have to do things for others to be loved. The book is packed with tried and tested exercises to lead you to a more compassionate place, meeting your own needs, with kindness.

I would fully expect this book to have a big impact, both nationally and internationally and I wish the wonderful authors every success.

[Josh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not as immersed in the literature on helping as the co-authors, but I've never read a collection of info on the subject like The Super-Helper Syndrome. I don't consider myself a super-helper, e.g., someone who compulsively helps others and at the expense of their own needs. However, I can see how this book could be transformative for those who might be. This book will inform how I think about the concept of helping for years to come.

[Hatice · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hayatımın her alanında kendime süper yardımcı diyemem. Ama bazen öyle anlar oluyor ki kendimi yardımcı olarak buluyorum. Kitapta yazar konunun temeline inip aşama aşama önerilerde bulunuyor. Açıkcası bazı bölümlerde sıkıldığımı itiraf etmeliyim. Ama birçok yerin de altını çizip üzerinde dakikalarca düşündüm. Özellikle kitabın sonundaki önerileri sık sık açıp tekrardan okuyacağım gibi duruyor.

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well researched and thoughful.

[Rebecca Nagy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read!

[Hande Yılmaz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not too bad but it isn’t the book that I expected