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At 30, I Realized I Had No Gender
At age 30, Shou Arai came to a realization; they had no gender. Now they were faced with a question they'd never really considered: how to age in a society where everything is so strongly segregated between two genders? This autobiographical manga explores Japanese culture surrounding gender, transgender issues, and the day to day obstacles faced by gender minorities and members of the LGBTQIA+ community with a lighthearted, comedic attitude.
180 pages, Paperback
First published July 10, 2019
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578 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 108 reviews
January 7, 2024
There are some interesting tidbits buried in here, but I mostly found the presentation so unfocused and scattered that trudging through it took twice as long as reading other manga of the same length.
Read
November 13, 2023A light, fun look at aspects of Japanese LGBTQ life, but also not really the memoir I thought it would be by the title.
Read
December 16, 2023For me, there is such a comfort in reading stories about other people and their LGBTQIA journey. When I stumbled on this one, I was excited! Not only was I going to get to read about someone’s journey, but someone outside my country. Beyond that, a country that is still fighting for LGBTQIA rights. Even after sitting with this one for a while, I’m not sure what to think about it.
At 30, I Realized I Had No Gender, was not the memoir I was expecting. The graphic novel does explore Arai’s life. He talks about a lot of the struggles he has. From the curiosity to what life would be like if he wasn’t raised as a woman, to what it’s going to be like as he continues to age. I thought a lot of this discussion was fascinating.
I think where I really struggled with this graphic novel is the way in which the story is told. There are a lot of little parts that make up these sections. Each section was composed of four panel shorts that didn’t always feel like they came to an end. So many of them felt like they weren’t finished. Each time it would pull me out of the story and leave me with a baffled look as I tried to process it.
With the panels that didn’t seem to come to a conclusion, this manga was a struggle for me. I kept waiting for it to really feel like it was finding it footing and be more coherent in how things were being presented. I do think it provided some interesting information into how the author has processed his gender and continues too, but also about that life in Japan; however, this did leave me bored and a little disappointed.
At 30, I Realized I Had No Gender, was not the memoir I was expecting. The graphic novel does explore Arai’s life. He talks about a lot of the struggles he has. From the curiosity to what life would be like if he wasn’t raised as a woman, to what it’s going to be like as he continues to age. I thought a lot of this discussion was fascinating.
I think where I really struggled with this graphic novel is the way in which the story is told. There are a lot of little parts that make up these sections. Each section was composed of four panel shorts that didn’t always feel like they came to an end. So many of them felt like they weren’t finished. Each time it would pull me out of the story and leave me with a baffled look as I tried to process it.
With the panels that didn’t seem to come to a conclusion, this manga was a struggle for me. I kept waiting for it to really feel like it was finding it footing and be more coherent in how things were being presented. I do think it provided some interesting information into how the author has processed his gender and continues too, but also about that life in Japan; however, this did leave me bored and a little disappointed.
February 15, 2025
I spent this morning as I spent every Saturday morning, I went to the cafe. Instead of reading, I spent most of my time working on an article and after found that I had a lot of trouble focusing, so after the second cafe I went for a walk. I meandered around DC until I realized I was at MLK Jr. Library and I went in and started to wander the aisles and eventually saw this on a shelf. It was right next to a big graphic novel about building an atomic bomb, which a friend had sent me a picture of at some point. A lot of weird circumstances went into putting me in a place to pick the book up.
I sat there in the library and read this through. It is a nice little graphic novel written by an intersex author about the frustrations of gender and navigating them.
Something that occurred to me while reading, though not for the first time, is how gendered language for beauty is, and how constrained some words seem. Handsome for men, cute for kids and younger people or people of a certain "look" (I've no idea how to define this); pretty and beautiful for women. This has frustrated me a little because I often think people presenting as masculine look very beautiful or people presenting as feminine look quite handsome. (What even is the difference? It's all vibes.) Even writing about it begs for a stumble, because language tries to box you into man/woman, masc/femme. Like a lot of the things the author spends time processing in this book, it's a bit annoying and is much about social construction.
Several years ago I was having lunch in a Mexican restaurant in rural Illinois with a Russian psychologist. This is true. I was a (younger) person learning about mental health professions and practices. We were discussing the process of diagnosis. In a sort of bizarre turn, my social work mentor thought of this as closer to a science, and took the statistics part of the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders relatively seriously (though not rigidly). The psychologist had a much different approach, perhaps because she'd been educated first in Europe (who knows?) -- she viewed it as firmly an art. My experiences over the past 8 years or so align many things in the social world as much closer to art than science. I don't think these two worlds exist outside of each other, and I think that's a fallacy that gets us into trouble. Anyway, I think gender is closer to an art than a science. I have no idea the temperature of that take.
This book is split into a series of chapters, each exploring a concept or process of decisions. Things like living with someone, the words you use to refer to yourself and your significant other, attraction, body image, etc. An underlying theme is that of hypervigilance / hyperawareness. I loved this. In one chapter, the author is talking about the stress of driving, something he has not done often. The stress is in how he presents himself when driving. I was thrown back into high school reading this. My high school car was a 1997 Ford Ranger with a camper shell (I loved the camper shell). I was always so stressed driving, because I did not know what the right way to look was. I was incapable of being relaxed (ever), and so I was always at 10 and 2. One day someone said they'd seen me driving and it looked like I was white knuckling the steering wheel. Funny, how some things stick with you.
I was also too paranoid of sounding feminine to order my favorite treat at Dairy Queen, the Mocha Moolatte, because I thought it'd out me as gay. Gee whiz.
There's a chapter all about buying glasses -- something I did recently. I really loved this! So much thinking into something as small but as big as a few ounces of plastic and glass.
Probably the most profound question in it, at least for me, someone that is relatively unbothered by his gender but is sometimes frustrated by the social demand to categorize people, is on page 95: "If you had been born a girl & lived your life that way--what kind of life would you have lived?" I am a social worker, a 'female' dominated profession. A friend asked me the other day if I have many female friends, and I realized I have mostly female friends and have since I came out, more or less. How different would my life be? Would I still be a social worker? Would I be working in the policy world? Would I make the money I do? Would I still be here? I don't know. It's quite a thing to think about. I have never even considered the question until now. Not even when I was in high school, and desperately lovesick over a cute straight guy, did I ever think about this.
This morning in the cafe a few people sat at a table adjacent to mine and there were a few little toddlers in high chairs. One of them was in the phase of tiny childness that means they like picking things up and dropping them. They were playing with their shoe and dropped it and it landed a few feet away from them. The child kept leaning over their high chair and reaching for it and the adults didn't notice. The child looked at me several times. I thought about getting up and walking over to hand the shoe back, but I thought this would be an aggressive violation of space and social custom. I thought about going to the bathroom, which would have put me in the walking path and made it incidental. I thought this, too, would be bizarre in the extreme. I distinctly thought that if I were a woman, it would not have been even thought about for me to do a thing like that. Perhaps I was too far in my head. The dad eventually got up and found the shoe, after the child sent their little picture book after it.
As far as a chance read, I really liked this!
I sat there in the library and read this through. It is a nice little graphic novel written by an intersex author about the frustrations of gender and navigating them.
Something that occurred to me while reading, though not for the first time, is how gendered language for beauty is, and how constrained some words seem. Handsome for men, cute for kids and younger people or people of a certain "look" (I've no idea how to define this); pretty and beautiful for women. This has frustrated me a little because I often think people presenting as masculine look very beautiful or people presenting as feminine look quite handsome. (What even is the difference? It's all vibes.) Even writing about it begs for a stumble, because language tries to box you into man/woman, masc/femme. Like a lot of the things the author spends time processing in this book, it's a bit annoying and is much about social construction.
Several years ago I was having lunch in a Mexican restaurant in rural Illinois with a Russian psychologist. This is true. I was a (younger) person learning about mental health professions and practices. We were discussing the process of diagnosis. In a sort of bizarre turn, my social work mentor thought of this as closer to a science, and took the statistics part of the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders relatively seriously (though not rigidly). The psychologist had a much different approach, perhaps because she'd been educated first in Europe (who knows?) -- she viewed it as firmly an art. My experiences over the past 8 years or so align many things in the social world as much closer to art than science. I don't think these two worlds exist outside of each other, and I think that's a fallacy that gets us into trouble. Anyway, I think gender is closer to an art than a science. I have no idea the temperature of that take.
This book is split into a series of chapters, each exploring a concept or process of decisions. Things like living with someone, the words you use to refer to yourself and your significant other, attraction, body image, etc. An underlying theme is that of hypervigilance / hyperawareness. I loved this. In one chapter, the author is talking about the stress of driving, something he has not done often. The stress is in how he presents himself when driving. I was thrown back into high school reading this. My high school car was a 1997 Ford Ranger with a camper shell (I loved the camper shell). I was always so stressed driving, because I did not know what the right way to look was. I was incapable of being relaxed (ever), and so I was always at 10 and 2. One day someone said they'd seen me driving and it looked like I was white knuckling the steering wheel. Funny, how some things stick with you.
I was also too paranoid of sounding feminine to order my favorite treat at Dairy Queen, the Mocha Moolatte, because I thought it'd out me as gay. Gee whiz.
There's a chapter all about buying glasses -- something I did recently. I really loved this! So much thinking into something as small but as big as a few ounces of plastic and glass.
Probably the most profound question in it, at least for me, someone that is relatively unbothered by his gender but is sometimes frustrated by the social demand to categorize people, is on page 95: "If you had been born a girl & lived your life that way--what kind of life would you have lived?" I am a social worker, a 'female' dominated profession. A friend asked me the other day if I have many female friends, and I realized I have mostly female friends and have since I came out, more or less. How different would my life be? Would I still be a social worker? Would I be working in the policy world? Would I make the money I do? Would I still be here? I don't know. It's quite a thing to think about. I have never even considered the question until now. Not even when I was in high school, and desperately lovesick over a cute straight guy, did I ever think about this.
This morning in the cafe a few people sat at a table adjacent to mine and there were a few little toddlers in high chairs. One of them was in the phase of tiny childness that means they like picking things up and dropping them. They were playing with their shoe and dropped it and it landed a few feet away from them. The child kept leaning over their high chair and reaching for it and the adults didn't notice. The child looked at me several times. I thought about getting up and walking over to hand the shoe back, but I thought this would be an aggressive violation of space and social custom. I thought about going to the bathroom, which would have put me in the walking path and made it incidental. I thought this, too, would be bizarre in the extreme. I distinctly thought that if I were a woman, it would not have been even thought about for me to do a thing like that. Perhaps I was too far in my head. The dad eventually got up and found the shoe, after the child sent their little picture book after it.
As far as a chance read, I really liked this!
January 16, 2024
I really appreciated seeing how different it is for LGBT couples in Japan. Although it doesn't speak to everyone's experience, I found it really insightful for someone only familiar with Western views on LGBT culture.
February 14, 2025
I was expecting more of a complete memoir rather than episode-ish moment from the author life, so I was a bit disappointed. Had some issues with the relationship (former assistant and 15 years age difference) but I do think there's still some interesting information about being trans in japan.
August 26, 2024
Por más que quisiera darle tres o cuatro estrellas, me decepcionó demasiado enterarme de que la pareja del autor (que es un personaje recurrente) admitió haber hostigado sexualmente a una chica menor de edad. Es un manga que me gustó bastante al inicio pero me pareció muy extraño por momentos (problema menor que el anterior pero de todas formas quería mencionarlo), la forma en la que el autor resalta que su novio y él parecen un viejo y un niño o el capítulo final donde aparece una pareja con gran diferencia de edad y se hace referencia a un juego incestuoso.
March 31, 2024
Excellent Japanese to English translation. Explains disparities between the cultures of Japan and the English-speaking world. The "Western" or 洋風 style of binary gender presentation of course differs greatly from that seen in a country with fundamentally different attitudes towards familial piety, sex, and societal harmony. *shakes fist at evangelical Christianity*
October 3, 2023
An interesting read into the mind of Shou Arai. The book is mostly a four-panel comic format where topics are discussed (and frequently ends on a punchline). Because of this, it sort of reads a bit like a stream of consciousness, where Shou talks about whatever crosses their mind, and it's a bit hard to tell how serious some of the discussions are.
They talk about topics of self-image, growing older, an age gap between partners. Because of the format, everything is discussed frankly and openly. So I was a little surprised by how open some of the discussions of sex was.
If you want to learn more, they reference a documentary that they created in 2019. It's available on YouTube "No Gender! The Queer Life of an Intersex Manga Artist"
They talk about topics of self-image, growing older, an age gap between partners. Because of the format, everything is discussed frankly and openly. So I was a little surprised by how open some of the discussions of sex was.
If you want to learn more, they reference a documentary that they created in 2019. It's available on YouTube "No Gender! The Queer Life of an Intersex Manga Artist"
August 15, 2023
Far be it from me to judge anyone's gender journey. Some of this was similar to my own and hearing someone else's story was a fresh take, however this feels off when it comes to pacing for a stand-alone book. There were also times that characters that looked similar would show up and I wouldn't know it wasn't the author until the author also showed up.
So my mid rating is for that sort of thing only. Not story or topic content.
So my mid rating is for that sort of thing only. Not story or topic content.
August 29, 2023
so much of this felt unnecessary, and there were a lot of red flags for how the author talked about his much younger boyfriend, who prefers to call himself 'forever eighteen' (SERIOUSLY. RED FLAG.). I'm sad I wasted money on this, and will be making a trip up to the bookstore on my next day off to get my money back.
dnf
January 10, 2024DNF page 57
I was excited about to read this, and I’m glad there is more intersex representation, but really wasn’t enjoying it… so I put it down
I was excited about to read this, and I’m glad there is more intersex representation, but really wasn’t enjoying it… so I put it down
September 16, 2025
I did not really enjoy this honestly. There were many things that I didn't like, and ultimately I'm just glad to be done with this.
I see that this author was mainly just critiquing the issues they had with gender expectations/presentation and treatment in Japan and society, but it often came off as complaining? I don't know, I'm not trying to invalidate their experiences, but I could tell that the main character was truly at the mercy of society with their gender presentation and treatment of different situations. I would've loved to see this person being a bad ass bitch that is like "yeah this is how it is... but also here's me not caring." I really think that would've been more powerful.
The main character came off as really insecure and that's their experience that they can't help, I guess, but come on! Be confident! You're the entire subject of this book. You're supposedly giving advice on this topic but you're like afraid of what people are going to say about you if you step out of the expectations for your gender or lack there of? Own. Your. Shit.
Speaking of the subject of this book, it really felt a bit all over the place. We had an interview (didn't really like that because I really wasn't sure who the interviewed people were and they got VERY candid about sex or lack there of. Which is fine, I guess they're being honest in an interview), then we had some Q&A (which I feel like the main character's lack of confidence kinda discredited? I don't know, the author never seemed solid or confident on nearly anything, why am I taking their advice?), then we had these random stories about going on a trip with their partner. It seemed to lose focus for me. I guess this was just their autobiographical way about things, but this felt more like an attempt to write something for the point of writing something or making money.
Maybe it's close minded of me, but I really did not like the age difference between the main character and their partner. I can't remember how much of an age gap they have (may go back and edit my review) but didn't they start dating right when the partner got out of school? Moved in with each other when the partner was young and didn't have anywhere to go. I don't know. I guess age gaps aren't the worst thing, but with one so significant it does feel a bit strange. I think that ultimately this one is okay because now they've been together so long and seem so happy. But at the same time this is coming from the narrator's point of view who is the older one. Can we trust the supposed happiness?
Also the sex stuff came up so randomly sometimes. All of the sudden we're in a Q&A part and the answer is about how to use a str*p on attached to a pillow to ride your elderly boyfriend better. What the hell? I just was not anticipating that at all from the title, the synopsis, the description. Shit is mildly graphic and I guess that's fine, but it wasn't what I was looking for right now.
Maybe I ultimately would've cared more about this if I had related with the main character. But this is just an aging person that has no gender. Cool. Great. But I would've loved to hear about some of the benefits to getting older. Some of the boss ass moments where the main character wasn't tweaking about what others thought of them.
I see that this author was mainly just critiquing the issues they had with gender expectations/presentation and treatment in Japan and society, but it often came off as complaining? I don't know, I'm not trying to invalidate their experiences, but I could tell that the main character was truly at the mercy of society with their gender presentation and treatment of different situations. I would've loved to see this person being a bad ass bitch that is like "yeah this is how it is... but also here's me not caring." I really think that would've been more powerful.
The main character came off as really insecure and that's their experience that they can't help, I guess, but come on! Be confident! You're the entire subject of this book. You're supposedly giving advice on this topic but you're like afraid of what people are going to say about you if you step out of the expectations for your gender or lack there of? Own. Your. Shit.
Speaking of the subject of this book, it really felt a bit all over the place. We had an interview (didn't really like that because I really wasn't sure who the interviewed people were and they got VERY candid about sex or lack there of. Which is fine, I guess they're being honest in an interview), then we had some Q&A (which I feel like the main character's lack of confidence kinda discredited? I don't know, the author never seemed solid or confident on nearly anything, why am I taking their advice?), then we had these random stories about going on a trip with their partner. It seemed to lose focus for me. I guess this was just their autobiographical way about things, but this felt more like an attempt to write something for the point of writing something or making money.
Maybe it's close minded of me, but I really did not like the age difference between the main character and their partner. I can't remember how much of an age gap they have (may go back and edit my review) but didn't they start dating right when the partner got out of school? Moved in with each other when the partner was young and didn't have anywhere to go. I don't know. I guess age gaps aren't the worst thing, but with one so significant it does feel a bit strange. I think that ultimately this one is okay because now they've been together so long and seem so happy. But at the same time this is coming from the narrator's point of view who is the older one. Can we trust the supposed happiness?
Also the sex stuff came up so randomly sometimes. All of the sudden we're in a Q&A part and the answer is about how to use a str*p on attached to a pillow to ride your elderly boyfriend better. What the hell? I just was not anticipating that at all from the title, the synopsis, the description. Shit is mildly graphic and I guess that's fine, but it wasn't what I was looking for right now.
Maybe I ultimately would've cared more about this if I had related with the main character. But this is just an aging person that has no gender. Cool. Great. But I would've loved to hear about some of the benefits to getting older. Some of the boss ass moments where the main character wasn't tweaking about what others thought of them.
Read
July 27, 2025The cultural differences and missing contexts of this manga make me feel unqualified to rate it.
There's a lot I enjoyed and appreciated here, but from the misleading title to the non-narrative structure, this was just way too far off from what I was expecting for me to be able to fully engage with or even understand it sometimes.
From the title, I thought this would be a graphic memoir from an agender perspective. It is personal non-fiction, but it's collected snapshots and conversations, questions, and interviews, strung together in a way that often ended abruptly without transition (at least nothing I could recognize as transitions. Sometimes I think scenes were meant to end on a comic button, but I didn't get the humor or the closure that may have been implicit.) NOT a memoir or narrative story.
Significantly, it isn't quite about being agender. The translation introduction explains that Japanese language and culture use terms related to gender and sexuality in some significantly different ways, but even that English explanation essentially said "we don't always understand what Arai meant, so we just use Arai's terms for everything." The result is, it's not really clear what intersex means to Arai, what gender means to Arai, what trans-ness means to Arai, or what androgyny means to Arai. It's one thing for those to have different cultural or personal significance, but the fact that as a reader, I was continually lost, made the reading essentially moot. Sometimes this felt like a text that was actually doubling down on gender binaries and biological essentialism, and then something would come out of left field that made me doubt what I'd been reading thus far.
Main point: there weren't enough touch points of clarity or meaning to understand what I was reading. A large part of this may have to do with the fact that the the author is a well-known cultural figure (at least among manga readers) and so this collection jumps right in without any introductions or back story. Maybe it's assumed the reader is all caught up with Arai, but since I was not, I was left behind from the get go. Definitely a case where having the wrong expectations going in made it hard to grasp what was really there.
There's a lot I enjoyed and appreciated here, but from the misleading title to the non-narrative structure, this was just way too far off from what I was expecting for me to be able to fully engage with or even understand it sometimes.
From the title, I thought this would be a graphic memoir from an agender perspective. It is personal non-fiction, but it's collected snapshots and conversations, questions, and interviews, strung together in a way that often ended abruptly without transition (at least nothing I could recognize as transitions. Sometimes I think scenes were meant to end on a comic button, but I didn't get the humor or the closure that may have been implicit.) NOT a memoir or narrative story.
Significantly, it isn't quite about being agender. The translation introduction explains that Japanese language and culture use terms related to gender and sexuality in some significantly different ways, but even that English explanation essentially said "we don't always understand what Arai meant, so we just use Arai's terms for everything." The result is, it's not really clear what intersex means to Arai, what gender means to Arai, what trans-ness means to Arai, or what androgyny means to Arai. It's one thing for those to have different cultural or personal significance, but the fact that as a reader, I was continually lost, made the reading essentially moot. Sometimes this felt like a text that was actually doubling down on gender binaries and biological essentialism, and then something would come out of left field that made me doubt what I'd been reading thus far.
Main point: there weren't enough touch points of clarity or meaning to understand what I was reading. A large part of this may have to do with the fact that the the author is a well-known cultural figure (at least among manga readers) and so this collection jumps right in without any introductions or back story. Maybe it's assumed the reader is all caught up with Arai, but since I was not, I was left behind from the get go. Definitely a case where having the wrong expectations going in made it hard to grasp what was really there.
July 26, 2025
Gender
“I have no gender” book opens with them using he pronouns. A female to male transition story essentially (you think), but no, the author was born inersex and assigned female at birth, that didn’t stick with him and he transitioned later.
The book talks about the struggles of not being able to talk about this with anyone due to the social stigmas. The author in turn seems to fret over minute things while being understandably frustrated from wanting to look a certain way. This got annoying with them gendering everything and asking their audience questions and caring a little too much what others thought of them.
I did like convos like “Am I gay if I identify as a man but I have a vagina but I like penises?” But those chapters are few and far between.
I wasn’t a fan of the strip style of writing, I would have preferred actual layouts. The art style is simplistic but jarring at times. For example, our narrator has a tatoo, but is often drawn without it, so when it does appear its jarring. The book just rambles, I wasn’t a fan of the narrative direction, and I just simply lost interest.
“I have no gender” book opens with them using he pronouns. A female to male transition story essentially (you think), but no, the author was born inersex and assigned female at birth, that didn’t stick with him and he transitioned later.
The book talks about the struggles of not being able to talk about this with anyone due to the social stigmas. The author in turn seems to fret over minute things while being understandably frustrated from wanting to look a certain way. This got annoying with them gendering everything and asking their audience questions and caring a little too much what others thought of them.
I did like convos like “Am I gay if I identify as a man but I have a vagina but I like penises?” But those chapters are few and far between.
I wasn’t a fan of the strip style of writing, I would have preferred actual layouts. The art style is simplistic but jarring at times. For example, our narrator has a tatoo, but is often drawn without it, so when it does appear its jarring. The book just rambles, I wasn’t a fan of the narrative direction, and I just simply lost interest.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 2, 2026
The title threw me off a little bit, I was expecting a different topic.
I appreciated the preface explaining some differences between how Japanese people and western people talk about and experience gender.
I really wanted to know about the author's intersex experience, but it was more about his life (presenting) as a gay man. I guess he really struggled with the binary of it all when he was younger.
He talked a lot about aging. That was interesting.
There was one yonkoma where he gave advice to a recent MTF person who wanted to be perceived as a woman but was struggling. She wanted to look cute and girly but was immediately clocked as a crossdresser; he suggested dressing more like a masculine woman and visualising what that would look like for her by analysing the fashion of cool women her own age. There was more to it than that, but I really liked that chapter.
I appreciated the preface explaining some differences between how Japanese people and western people talk about and experience gender.
I really wanted to know about the author's intersex experience, but it was more about his life (presenting) as a gay man. I guess he really struggled with the binary of it all when he was younger.
He talked a lot about aging. That was interesting.
There was one yonkoma where he gave advice to a recent MTF person who wanted to be perceived as a woman but was struggling. She wanted to look cute and girly but was immediately clocked as a crossdresser; he suggested dressing more like a masculine woman and visualising what that would look like for her by analysing the fashion of cool women her own age. There was more to it than that, but I really liked that chapter.
March 18, 2024
This was pretty cute! It's like Sex Education with a friend, lol. I learned a lot about how the Japanese view sex, and just how most areas are SO DIFFERENT than America. They are so open about their sexuality, but not their orientation. People were more open to the fact that Shou Arai was Intersex/Trans, than they were that he had a boyfriend, OR A TATTOO??
Anyway, as part of my "outside my usual read" challenge! I would say I learned a lot about the Intersex culture, but I didn't really, what I learned was that people really don't know anything about anything, and we are all just trying our best.
Anyway, as part of my "outside my usual read" challenge! I would say I learned a lot about the Intersex culture, but I didn't really, what I learned was that people really don't know anything about anything, and we are all just trying our best.
February 28, 2024
Did not like this. It was way too hard to follow. I had no idea what was going on, who was saying what, what the point of the pieces was, or anything. I was so lost the whole time I was reading it. There was way too much talk about other people when it was unnecessary and I didn't see how it was related to the author's gender journey. The book also contained a lot of ageist things, such as someone who says that they don't want to look old. Like, looking your age is a good thing. You don't have to look twenty to be nice looking. And besides, that is extremely superficial. Sadly, I can't recommend this to anyone. If you read it, good luck.
- Echo (they/them) ⚧️
- Echo (they/them) ⚧️
April 24, 2024
Interesting from a cultural perspective but the author's thoughts on gender is deeply misguided and sometimes harmful, the writing is boring, the title is VERY misleading, there's several questionable age gaps mentioned throughout that felt straight up icky. Mostly a waste of time.
Read
January 19, 2025there is not a lot of work out there about aging and being trans, especially in a lighthearted and comedic way. i had fun reading this manga!
February 19, 2024
For more bookish opinions, visit my blog: Craft-Cycle
2.5 stars
An interesting read about gender, aging, relationships, and living as an intersex person. Arai works in various topics including sex, age differences, culture, and gender expression. It was especially interesting to learn about some of the intricacies of living as an LGBTQIA+ person in Japan such as what word to use to refer to your partner and changes in societal expectations at different time periods. A mix of personal stories, advice, and reflections about gender identity and expression.
The flow was a bit hard to follow at times. Arai doesn't go too much into his background in this book, likely because he has done so in his previous books. But as far as I can tell, this is the first one published in English so I was missing all that background and the nuances of his journey. This made reading it a little confusing at times. May help to watch the No Gender! The Queer Life of an Intersex Manga Artist documentary first.
Still, overall it was an interesting read. Cute art style. Does include nudity and sex scenes.
Reading this does make me want to watch the documentary.
2.5 stars
An interesting read about gender, aging, relationships, and living as an intersex person. Arai works in various topics including sex, age differences, culture, and gender expression. It was especially interesting to learn about some of the intricacies of living as an LGBTQIA+ person in Japan such as what word to use to refer to your partner and changes in societal expectations at different time periods. A mix of personal stories, advice, and reflections about gender identity and expression.
The flow was a bit hard to follow at times. Arai doesn't go too much into his background in this book, likely because he has done so in his previous books. But as far as I can tell, this is the first one published in English so I was missing all that background and the nuances of his journey. This made reading it a little confusing at times. May help to watch the No Gender! The Queer Life of an Intersex Manga Artist documentary first.
Still, overall it was an interesting read. Cute art style. Does include nudity and sex scenes.
Reading this does make me want to watch the documentary.
November 26, 2025
Toivoin, että tekijä olisi kertonut vielä enemmän aiemmista vuosistaan, ja miten sukupuolen ilmaisu on muuttunut ajan myötä. Nyt tämä oli vähän pintapuolinen raapaisu ja aihe poukkoili.
Kiinnostavia pohdintoja ikääntymisestä ja miten ihmiset sukupuolittavat riippuen mikä oma habitus on.
Kiinnostavia pohdintoja ikääntymisestä ja miten ihmiset sukupuolittavat riippuen mikä oma habitus on.
June 21, 2024
A bit hard to read, it doesn't have a cohesive story and that makes it confusing as a stand alone book. The information at the beginning about the difference in cultures helped a bit, but some parts were still red flag-y. It was interesting to read the different stories and ways to represent one's self.
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February 17, 2024At 30, I Realized I Had No Gender: Life Lessons from a 50-Year-Old After Two Decades of Self-Discovery - Shou Arai
First, Shou Arai uses male pronouns currently. I assume the blurb uses "they" so people wouldn't make assumptions and go feral, as they tend to do.
Second, he lived as a woman until he was 30, so he has no memories of living as a woman in the 21st century, or as a young boy/NA man.
I feel like I need the mangaka's previous biographical works translated so I can actually understand his background better. I want to see the beginning of the journey, you know?
The title does say "At 30, I Realized I Had No Gender"*, but it's about being almost 50 most of the time while living as intersex, and not wanting to fit a gender narrative, but also wanting to be comfortable**, amongst other issues and doubts. There are also questions from friends and LGBT+ people asking for help, an interview with a married straight couple, deliberations about society. Just a lot of honesty about his life.
A reflection on modern relationships I liked: "My pov has changed. For example, if one is cheerful and encouraging, and the other is really good at network management... then even if they're bad at heavy lifting or chores, then they can just work together to make up for their weaknesses. I've grown to think this way."
*Chromosome testing was involved
**Like for example, being a public figure so worrying about being someone who younger people in similar situations will look to for guidance in presentation. So he struggles with not wanting to lean into one gender presentation, but also with what works for him as he ages
One problem with this edition is that sometimes certain extra text is too small. I don't have a magnifying glass, folks!
First, Shou Arai uses male pronouns currently. I assume the blurb uses "they" so people wouldn't make assumptions and go feral, as they tend to do.
Second, he lived as a woman until he was 30, so he has no memories of living as a woman in the 21st century, or as a young boy/NA man.
I feel like I need the mangaka's previous biographical works translated so I can actually understand his background better. I want to see the beginning of the journey, you know?
The title does say "At 30, I Realized I Had No Gender"*, but it's about being almost 50 most of the time while living as intersex, and not wanting to fit a gender narrative, but also wanting to be comfortable**, amongst other issues and doubts. There are also questions from friends and LGBT+ people asking for help, an interview with a married straight couple, deliberations about society. Just a lot of honesty about his life.
A reflection on modern relationships I liked: "My pov has changed. For example, if one is cheerful and encouraging, and the other is really good at network management... then even if they're bad at heavy lifting or chores, then they can just work together to make up for their weaknesses. I've grown to think this way."
*Chromosome testing was involved
**Like for example, being a public figure so worrying about being someone who younger people in similar situations will look to for guidance in presentation. So he struggles with not wanting to lean into one gender presentation, but also with what works for him as he ages
One problem with this edition is that sometimes certain extra text is too small. I don't have a magnifying glass, folks!
August 26, 2023
A bunch of comics about an intersex person being overworried about their gender, sexuality, appearance, dating life, etc. There was a lot more explicit scenes and drawings than I had expected. Half way through, I thought about giving it 3-4 stars but near the end there were a few scenes and conversations that just didn't sit right with me
August 24, 2023
I went in hoping for an indepth memoir, but it's just a bunch of 4 panel gag strips. Some of the jokes are fun, but most are kinda boring. I feel watching the documentary will probably be more interesting than this.
November 13, 2023
DNF. The first 25% was grossly superficial.
November 18, 2023
i got kinda bored
October 1, 2024
This book promises a peek into the life of someone learning they were agender or intersex, but the book actually is solely about the author, Shou Arai’s, experience and the book starts while they are in their 40s or 50s, after the author has decided to live as intersex. But this book is far from linear, and several times we are met with confusing statements from the author as their identity changes and this is interspersed with odd call outs to the author’s sex drive or how they want people to view them. Halfway through the book we get a Q&A with some other authors about their personal sex lives and what they enjoy in bed…. this is not the book I was expecting. Further into this book we get more explicit Q&As where the author has to know all about everyone’s sex life and drive. The author also adds tips on dressing for one’s desired gender randomly into the middle of the book, which all really felt like filler content to me, especially as the Q&A was rehashed from a live show they did apparently.
This comic heavily featured Arai’s 15-years-younger partner (who was Arai’s assistant when they were… 19?) which sometimes felt distracting from Arai’s self-discovery (not that we get a ton in this book, it seems to mostly be the author asking their partner what they think). I found it to be much more of a memoir piece than an educational comic. If you liked Arai’s work here, they have plenty more comics/books on this subject and they plugged a documentary they crowd-funded with the same name as this book within the book… that may give you enough info to decide whether or not this author/book is for you. The author’s partner also plugs their own book and the book’s editor makes an appearance to comment on how the two are similar in that way. The subject matter is important to write about and Japan surely offers a unique experience in regards to living intersex… I am sure some people will learn from this, but it largely felt like I was just reading about Arai’s life as they went through self-exploration and self-titled mid-life crisis. (the author’s words, not mine) If you are looking for an autobiographical comic that covers these topics a bit more, I would recommend Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe.
This comic does include some drawings of genitalia in a (mostly) humorous way and conversations centering around sex/sexual organs, including probing questions from the audience to the author and their partner about their own sex lives and genitalia. One scene mentions needles and genitalia in an attempt to be humorous (and maybe some self-diagnosis?), and the middle of the book features a text Q&A where the participants quite graphically described their own sex lives and habits… stemmed from a conversation about how often do they argue with their partners. Just when you thought you were safe, the last ten pages of the book do feature some extremely explicit sexual scenes… completely unwarranted and with characters who have a 35-year age difference. Perhaps this was inserted at the end to pad the 15-year age difference between the author and their assistant-turned-lover, but it really solidified for me that this book was not for me. If this has been any earlier in the book than the last ten pages I would have put the book down there - I am not sure why the author chose to end the comic with a man/woman couple with a large age difference and the details of their sex lives.
This book had the chance the go over what the author went through and how their daily life is in Japan, but the author spent far too much time on their younger partner (who is mid-30s? and obsessed with being perceived as younger?), the sex lives of their friends/audience members, and their obsession with looking not 50 for this comic to really be educational.
This comic heavily featured Arai’s 15-years-younger partner (who was Arai’s assistant when they were… 19?) which sometimes felt distracting from Arai’s self-discovery (not that we get a ton in this book, it seems to mostly be the author asking their partner what they think). I found it to be much more of a memoir piece than an educational comic. If you liked Arai’s work here, they have plenty more comics/books on this subject and they plugged a documentary they crowd-funded with the same name as this book within the book… that may give you enough info to decide whether or not this author/book is for you. The author’s partner also plugs their own book and the book’s editor makes an appearance to comment on how the two are similar in that way. The subject matter is important to write about and Japan surely offers a unique experience in regards to living intersex… I am sure some people will learn from this, but it largely felt like I was just reading about Arai’s life as they went through self-exploration and self-titled mid-life crisis. (the author’s words, not mine) If you are looking for an autobiographical comic that covers these topics a bit more, I would recommend Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe.
This comic does include some drawings of genitalia in a (mostly) humorous way and conversations centering around sex/sexual organs, including probing questions from the audience to the author and their partner about their own sex lives and genitalia. One scene mentions needles and genitalia in an attempt to be humorous (and maybe some self-diagnosis?), and the middle of the book features a text Q&A where the participants quite graphically described their own sex lives and habits… stemmed from a conversation about how often do they argue with their partners. Just when you thought you were safe, the last ten pages of the book do feature some extremely explicit sexual scenes… completely unwarranted and with characters who have a 35-year age difference. Perhaps this was inserted at the end to pad the 15-year age difference between the author and their assistant-turned-lover, but it really solidified for me that this book was not for me. If this has been any earlier in the book than the last ten pages I would have put the book down there - I am not sure why the author chose to end the comic with a man/woman couple with a large age difference and the details of their sex lives.
This book had the chance the go over what the author went through and how their daily life is in Japan, but the author spent far too much time on their younger partner (who is mid-30s? and obsessed with being perceived as younger?), the sex lives of their friends/audience members, and their obsession with looking not 50 for this comic to really be educational.
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