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Big Shadow
In an unnamed town in the summer of 1998, Judy is an isolated and inexperienced teenager on the cusp of adulthood struggling to craft an identity for herself—especially as the artist she wants to be. There is little help around her. Her only friends are increasingly obsessed with a cultish belief in a coming "Big Shadow." Her mother is afraid of life and finds solace in TV shows. At her lowest point, Judy meets Maurice Blunt, a visiting summer poetry class professor who is a "has-been" fixture of the 1970s NYC punk music scene. Judy believes Maurice—a man more than twice her age desperately seeking lost adoration—is the ticket out of her current life. Soon, she begins taking secret weekend trips to visit him. Judy's visits to his apartment in New York bring hopes of belonging to the city's cultural world and making a living as a video artist. With each trip and frustrated promise, however, she feels the creeping realization that there is a price to pay for her golden ticket entry into this insular and moribund scene. Judy must navigate the shifting power dynamics with her aging gatekeeper and the possibility of building an early adult identity alone. An affecting novel of psychological nuance and dark humour, Big Shadow explores the costs of self-deceit, fandom, and tenuous ambitions, exposing the lies we'll tell ourselves and the promises we'll make to edge closer to what we want... or what we think we want.
294 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 16, 2023
1 person is currently reading
353 people want to read
About the author
Marta Balcewicz
1 book5 followersMarta Balcewicz lives in Toronto. Her work has appeared in Catapult, Tin House online, Vol. 1 Brooklyn, Washington Square Review, and The Rumpus, amongst other publications. Her fiction was anthologized in Tiny Crimes (Catapult, 2018). She received a fellowship from Tin House Workshops in 2022. Big Shadow is her first novel.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
September 21, 2023
When I first moved to the West Coast, I found myself roommates with an older middle-aged man who had a pale and thinning attempt of a Mohawk on his head and two thick silver hoops in one ear. In his younger days he’d been a poet, a guitar player, a Communist academic backpacking across South America. His name was M—— and while I tried to like him at first, his overly-friendly attempts to socialize and persistent putting-down of other people in our building soured me entirely.
I had almost entirely forgot this man existed until I read Big Shadow. Balcewicz debut is a captivating depiction of a few weeks of a young woman’s wasted summer after she befriends a greying punk-poet who is in her town on a teaching residency. It is evident by the amount of cringing which occurred during my reading that this book captures a too-true essence of aspects of growing up while yearning to be an artist. It’s brilliant and I want to puke.
I had almost entirely forgot this man existed until I read Big Shadow. Balcewicz debut is a captivating depiction of a few weeks of a young woman’s wasted summer after she befriends a greying punk-poet who is in her town on a teaching residency. It is evident by the amount of cringing which occurred during my reading that this book captures a too-true essence of aspects of growing up while yearning to be an artist. It’s brilliant and I want to puke.
May 4, 2023
Thank you to Book*Hug Press for an e-ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review!
Marta Balcewicz is easily among my personal canon of favourite writers now. This book was a quietly affecting exploration of obsession, identity, and belief that I feel only a reread would better my understanding of. The writing knows exactly what it wants to be and accomplish, and I have highlighted pages upon pages of this book. Judy, our narrator, has such a singular view on the world and forms weird and quiet relationships with everyone she meets, whether that be a few pages or the entire book, that leave a profound effect on her and the reader. My only desire was for the ending to be fleshed out a bit more, though perhaps that’s a selfish one as I didn’t want it to end, and for Judy to interact/think more about Christopher and Alex as they were such intriguing people. A standout work amongst the Canadian literary scene which is already incredibly strong in its output. I look forward to reading more novels from Balcewicz, as well as their already-published short fiction. This book is truly something special, and I cannot wait to get my hands on a physical copy so I can reread it.
Marta Balcewicz is easily among my personal canon of favourite writers now. This book was a quietly affecting exploration of obsession, identity, and belief that I feel only a reread would better my understanding of. The writing knows exactly what it wants to be and accomplish, and I have highlighted pages upon pages of this book. Judy, our narrator, has such a singular view on the world and forms weird and quiet relationships with everyone she meets, whether that be a few pages or the entire book, that leave a profound effect on her and the reader. My only desire was for the ending to be fleshed out a bit more, though perhaps that’s a selfish one as I didn’t want it to end, and for Judy to interact/think more about Christopher and Alex as they were such intriguing people. A standout work amongst the Canadian literary scene which is already incredibly strong in its output. I look forward to reading more novels from Balcewicz, as well as their already-published short fiction. This book is truly something special, and I cannot wait to get my hands on a physical copy so I can reread it.
June 12, 2023
Big Shadow concerns a young girl Judy, lost and bored (as every teenager post high school is), growing susceptible to the image of becoming something bigger than herself. When she meets Maurice, a NYC-based artist who teaches a poetry class in her small suburban town, she clutches the opportunity to redeem who she is.
My favorite part of the book was the exploration of fandom, and infatuation. How an idol can only remain majestic if they are left to be out of touch. How perhaps the things we idolize are contingent on the parts of ourselves that we feel are lacking.
The novel does an excellent job at portraying the reality of pre-adulthood, but to me, it seemed that it was not able to go beyond that, beyond a beautiful re-telling of what is already evident.
I liked the cultural references, and the snarky disillusionment of the whole “artist in NYC East Village.” Illustration of Maurice and his bandmates almost breaks down the “Artsy Man” in a humorous way, reminding how full of shit one has to be to truly deem their art as spectacle.
While the story read well, at a certain point, the theme of the book almost seemed trivial. I wanted it to be bigger than that. I wanted to be shocked, but the book kept meeting my expectations, it fit the gaps in my knowledge like cap fits bottle.
I would have liked to read more about the nature of self-deception that hinges upon confused and young artists. How does Judy fathom and cope with her self-betrayal? How can you frame yourself as an artist without morphing into a self-absorbed snob? etc.
The novel does a good job at developing its characters (really - I could not stand Maurice). Maurice is infuriating, he is so well created that he almost belongs to the archetype of an "artsy" man-child. Sometimes it felt like I was staying too much with a character though...At the beginning of the book, I was starting to get bored of Judy's teenage voice, and sometimes I was receiving an amount of annoying-Maurice that surpassed my threshold for annoying characters.
Overall, I would recommend it for any person into coming-of-age novels, or high schoolers/young adults. I think I’m just over my “coming-of-age” literature era.
My favorite part of the book was the exploration of fandom, and infatuation. How an idol can only remain majestic if they are left to be out of touch. How perhaps the things we idolize are contingent on the parts of ourselves that we feel are lacking.
The novel does an excellent job at portraying the reality of pre-adulthood, but to me, it seemed that it was not able to go beyond that, beyond a beautiful re-telling of what is already evident.
I liked the cultural references, and the snarky disillusionment of the whole “artist in NYC East Village.” Illustration of Maurice and his bandmates almost breaks down the “Artsy Man” in a humorous way, reminding how full of shit one has to be to truly deem their art as spectacle.
While the story read well, at a certain point, the theme of the book almost seemed trivial. I wanted it to be bigger than that. I wanted to be shocked, but the book kept meeting my expectations, it fit the gaps in my knowledge like cap fits bottle.
I would have liked to read more about the nature of self-deception that hinges upon confused and young artists. How does Judy fathom and cope with her self-betrayal? How can you frame yourself as an artist without morphing into a self-absorbed snob? etc.
The novel does a good job at developing its characters (really - I could not stand Maurice). Maurice is infuriating, he is so well created that he almost belongs to the archetype of an "artsy" man-child. Sometimes it felt like I was staying too much with a character though...At the beginning of the book, I was starting to get bored of Judy's teenage voice, and sometimes I was receiving an amount of annoying-Maurice that surpassed my threshold for annoying characters.
Overall, I would recommend it for any person into coming-of-age novels, or high schoolers/young adults. I think I’m just over my “coming-of-age” literature era.
May 13, 2023
This is a slice of life that hits home and deep in the cuts. It’s nuanced too though. It doesn’t bang you over the head and say hey look at me I know what I’m doing here and I’m more important. There are times that it isn’t great but whatever.
October 31, 2023
“I was an imposter, a fly that had accidentally gotten stuck in the room. Only I didn’t have the freedom to slam into the windowpane and beg to be let out.”
On first encountering the title and blurb of this delicious little novel, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the main plot surrounds a mysterious imminent rapture. Whilst the Big Shadow does indeed lurk in the background throughout, the main focus of the story is on teenage protagonist Judy’s unconventional and unlikely connection with Maurice: an ageing has-been rockstar and wannabe Beat poet.
Marta Balcewicz voice is enchanting; poking and prodding at the power dynamics of a relationship in which there is a large age gap, masterfully showing us what it feels like to be a teenager under the spell of a much older man. The writing feels volatile, tense, like something could explode at any moment. The metaphor of the Big Shadow here is very clever.
Though the book largely spans Judy and Maurice’s relationship, I found the dynamic between her and her mother to be especially interesting. Her mother was a fascinating character: almost smothering Judy with her want, her need, her love. I would have liked to have had more development here because I got frustrated and almost bored with Maurice’s antics.
‘Big Shadow’ was an unexpectedly brilliant novel that I thoroughly enjoyed. If you like coming-of-age novels, the 90s, conspiracy theories and the New York rock'n'roll scene of the 70's, you will love it too.
Thank you to NetGalley UK for the Advanced Reading Copy.
On first encountering the title and blurb of this delicious little novel, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the main plot surrounds a mysterious imminent rapture. Whilst the Big Shadow does indeed lurk in the background throughout, the main focus of the story is on teenage protagonist Judy’s unconventional and unlikely connection with Maurice: an ageing has-been rockstar and wannabe Beat poet.
Marta Balcewicz voice is enchanting; poking and prodding at the power dynamics of a relationship in which there is a large age gap, masterfully showing us what it feels like to be a teenager under the spell of a much older man. The writing feels volatile, tense, like something could explode at any moment. The metaphor of the Big Shadow here is very clever.
Though the book largely spans Judy and Maurice’s relationship, I found the dynamic between her and her mother to be especially interesting. Her mother was a fascinating character: almost smothering Judy with her want, her need, her love. I would have liked to have had more development here because I got frustrated and almost bored with Maurice’s antics.
‘Big Shadow’ was an unexpectedly brilliant novel that I thoroughly enjoyed. If you like coming-of-age novels, the 90s, conspiracy theories and the New York rock'n'roll scene of the 70's, you will love it too.
Thank you to NetGalley UK for the Advanced Reading Copy.
April 5, 2023
I really enjoyed this novel! It captures so perfectly the stuck feeling so many of us have at the brink of adulthood, spinning wheels, looking or waiting for someone to rescue us from our too-small world. Funny and smart, full of such true young person revelations that at times it was quite moving. I really related to our girl Judy - her much older and formerly cool new mentor/friend Maurice trying to dig his claws into her and show her the ropes only for their relationship to abruptly fizzle out in awkward and perplexing disappointment. That shit’s as real as it gets in my experience! Balcewicz really nails those nuanced feelings; ecstasy and hope crashing directly into revulsion and despondency.
May 23, 2023
a stunning portrayal of girlhood at the brink of adulthood when everything seems possible, when some big cataclysmic event seems to hang in the air - an event for which you try to prepare without success. the emotional shifts between excitement/hope/romanticization and boredom/disgust are incredibly realistic, and the portrayal of power dynamics in Judy’s relationships starkly honest.
the main issue i had with this text is that the beginning drags; i nearly set the book down entirely because the first-person narration was so stuck in the character’s head and so nearly plotless. 3.75
the main issue i had with this text is that the beginning drags; i nearly set the book down entirely because the first-person narration was so stuck in the character’s head and so nearly plotless. 3.75
December 22, 2023
A brilliant little book that takes you into the mind of a 17yo girl who’s doing everything she can to keep the attention of an older man.
December 28, 2023
An underrated gem.
June 6, 2023
I really enjoyed BIG SHADOW by Marta Balcewicz which is a great coming of age novel! It’s about Judy, who has graduated high school and befriends an older famous poet professor. Their relationship was interesting with multi layered dynamics of power, fame, age and intellect. I really liked the setting of 1998, the time before social media, and New York City. I really enjoyed the focus on friendship and artistic pursuits. Another great debut novel of 2023!
Thank you to Book*hug Press for my advance review copy!
Thank you to Book*hug Press for my advance review copy!
April 4, 2023
A dark cloud rolls in, offering an escape into a different realm.
How did the book make me feel/think?
I’m young, vulnerable, and impressionable.
Actually, I’m 62.5, vulnerable, and impressionable.
Tell me what I want to hear. I’m pliable.
You love my writing—I love you.
A dark cloud rolls in, offering an escape into a different realm.
A young girl wants to escape and find her place in the world. Creativity will provide the route. She’s outgrowing where she is, her friends, and the insanity of an overprotective mother trying to hold on to the only thing she thinks she can control.
She finds an escape. An older man, a predator? Yes? No?
The man appears daft but finds the precise prose offering a way into the adult world. His comments seem innocent, but they are anything but.
It’s easy to control dreamers who are constantly seeking validation.
The young girl learns hard lessons and then retreats into the looming darkness of the clouds(?)
Does she survive? Are other realms ephemeral?
Does her mother regain her fleeting control?
Support comes for the girl from an unlikely place.
I’m 62.5, vulnerable, and impressionable. Tell me what I want to hear. I’m pliable.
If that’s who I and many of us are, how does a young girl stand a chance when the subtle comments of predators are so ingrained in the subconscious of those preying on the pliable minds of the young?
When will the shadow dissipate?
WRITTEN: 4 April 2023
How did the book make me feel/think?
I’m young, vulnerable, and impressionable.
Actually, I’m 62.5, vulnerable, and impressionable.
Tell me what I want to hear. I’m pliable.
You love my writing—I love you.
A dark cloud rolls in, offering an escape into a different realm.
A young girl wants to escape and find her place in the world. Creativity will provide the route. She’s outgrowing where she is, her friends, and the insanity of an overprotective mother trying to hold on to the only thing she thinks she can control.
She finds an escape. An older man, a predator? Yes? No?
The man appears daft but finds the precise prose offering a way into the adult world. His comments seem innocent, but they are anything but.
It’s easy to control dreamers who are constantly seeking validation.
The young girl learns hard lessons and then retreats into the looming darkness of the clouds(?)
Does she survive? Are other realms ephemeral?
Does her mother regain her fleeting control?
Support comes for the girl from an unlikely place.
I’m 62.5, vulnerable, and impressionable. Tell me what I want to hear. I’m pliable.
If that’s who I and many of us are, how does a young girl stand a chance when the subtle comments of predators are so ingrained in the subconscious of those preying on the pliable minds of the young?
When will the shadow dissipate?
WRITTEN: 4 April 2023
December 3, 2023
This book was a bit of a let down for me. It’s my own fault really for not reading the synopsis fully, but I was expecting this to be a bizarre book focussed on a cult of clouds. But what I got was an awkward, drawn-out story of 17-year-old Judy and her inappropriate relationship with her ageing punk professor.
I buddy-read this one with @Bonkraereads and we just never were really engaged with this book. It ended up taking us almost 3 months to finish!
That being said, there were things I did like about it:
The beginning was intriguing and I enjoyed the relationship dynamics with Judy’s relatives. I also appreciated the descriptions of the oppressive heat. Reading in the summer, I could easily imagine melting on hot New York pavement, the stuffy, stifling, cabin fever you can get, and the boredom that comes from aimless days.
But the storyline just wasn’t for me. The majority of the book focused on the egotism of a former underground celebrity and the coming of age story of Judy as she navigates these power dynamics and the ins and outs of New York City living.
Throughout this book I wanted to grab Judy by the shoulders and say, “Girl, No!” And in the immortal words of @Bonkraereads, “nothing good comes from the dodgy prof!”
Thanks Zg Stories for a gifted copy of this book. Overall, I think this was a case of not for me, rather than it not being a good book.
I buddy-read this one with @Bonkraereads and we just never were really engaged with this book. It ended up taking us almost 3 months to finish!
That being said, there were things I did like about it:
The beginning was intriguing and I enjoyed the relationship dynamics with Judy’s relatives. I also appreciated the descriptions of the oppressive heat. Reading in the summer, I could easily imagine melting on hot New York pavement, the stuffy, stifling, cabin fever you can get, and the boredom that comes from aimless days.
But the storyline just wasn’t for me. The majority of the book focused on the egotism of a former underground celebrity and the coming of age story of Judy as she navigates these power dynamics and the ins and outs of New York City living.
Throughout this book I wanted to grab Judy by the shoulders and say, “Girl, No!” And in the immortal words of @Bonkraereads, “nothing good comes from the dodgy prof!”
Thanks Zg Stories for a gifted copy of this book. Overall, I think this was a case of not for me, rather than it not being a good book.
April 24, 2023
Absolutely awful. If I could give it 0 stars I would. It has absolutely no redeeming qualities Don’t waste your money or your time on it.
April 14, 2023
Description:
A teenager escapes the claustrophobia of her cousin's friend's obsession with the 'big shadow', an incoming supernatural event sent to take them away, by striking up a friendship with an aging punk rock poet who lives in New York.
Liked:
Felt realistically low-key. The cousin and his friend are interesting, but their story is so glacial that you can see why the protagonist, Judy, backgrounds it. Judy feels like a believable teenager - not always sure why she's doing the things that she does, headstrong and self-centred, wanting to seem surer than she feels, and vacillating between being devil-may-care about everything, and getting very worried or sad about other people. I also liked Jennifer and the old man in class quite a lot.
Disliked:
The whole novel feels so grimy. It's meant to, but it makes for uncomfortable reading. Maurice is gross in a very pathetic way, which also feels totally realistic, but I'm not sure I wanted to spend this much time with him. I don't know that, for me, there was enough of interest in this book to make the grubbiness worthwhile. I say that as someone who had a relationship with an older man at about Judy's age - not sure whether that means it's less interesting because I sorta lived it, or that it's more uncomfortable!
Would tentatively recommend, but steel yourself.
A teenager escapes the claustrophobia of her cousin's friend's obsession with the 'big shadow', an incoming supernatural event sent to take them away, by striking up a friendship with an aging punk rock poet who lives in New York.
Liked:
Felt realistically low-key. The cousin and his friend are interesting, but their story is so glacial that you can see why the protagonist, Judy, backgrounds it. Judy feels like a believable teenager - not always sure why she's doing the things that she does, headstrong and self-centred, wanting to seem surer than she feels, and vacillating between being devil-may-care about everything, and getting very worried or sad about other people. I also liked Jennifer and the old man in class quite a lot.
Disliked:
The whole novel feels so grimy. It's meant to, but it makes for uncomfortable reading. Maurice is gross in a very pathetic way, which also feels totally realistic, but I'm not sure I wanted to spend this much time with him. I don't know that, for me, there was enough of interest in this book to make the grubbiness worthwhile. I say that as someone who had a relationship with an older man at about Judy's age - not sure whether that means it's less interesting because I sorta lived it, or that it's more uncomfortable!
Would tentatively recommend, but steel yourself.
May 25, 2023
|| BIG SHADOW ||
#gifted @bookhugpress /@zgstories
✍🏻
BIG SHADOW is a coming of age novel set in 1998 about teenage Judy who is on the verge of adulthood, struggling to create an artistic identity for herself. Loneliness leads her to taking secret weekend trip to NYC to visit an aging poet named Maurice. With Maurice she has hopes of finding the artistic scene she desperately wants to belong to but slowly realizes Maurice's scene isn't all its promising to be.
I really enjoyed this one! Sign me up for a coming of age story anytime! Balcewicz brilliantly captures what it means to be 18 and nieve. The desperation and wanting to belong that you ignore certain truths. I was anxious for Judy when she would meet up with Maurice. Realizing the reality of being young and trusting, remember my own nieve youth and trusting natures in general and thoes who see them and take advantage. I loved how this explored fandom before social media too. Described as a book of psychological nuance and dark humor, I couldn't agree more!👏🏻
For more of my book content check out instagram.com/bookalong
#gifted @bookhugpress /@zgstories
✍🏻
BIG SHADOW is a coming of age novel set in 1998 about teenage Judy who is on the verge of adulthood, struggling to create an artistic identity for herself. Loneliness leads her to taking secret weekend trip to NYC to visit an aging poet named Maurice. With Maurice she has hopes of finding the artistic scene she desperately wants to belong to but slowly realizes Maurice's scene isn't all its promising to be.
I really enjoyed this one! Sign me up for a coming of age story anytime! Balcewicz brilliantly captures what it means to be 18 and nieve. The desperation and wanting to belong that you ignore certain truths. I was anxious for Judy when she would meet up with Maurice. Realizing the reality of being young and trusting, remember my own nieve youth and trusting natures in general and thoes who see them and take advantage. I loved how this explored fandom before social media too. Described as a book of psychological nuance and dark humor, I couldn't agree more!👏🏻
For more of my book content check out instagram.com/bookalong
July 11, 2023
This was quite an interesting read. It is definitely outside of what I normally read, but I really enjoyed the experience. The story is about Judy and that strange time we all experience when we aren't quite adults but we aren't children anymore. The author weaved in the vulnerability of being a woman specifically- and the inherent risk. There was a fun cult aspect to that kept me guessing about what would be next. I feel like it is one of those stories that is hard to put it into words. If you enjoy a coming of age story, check out this quick read and watch as Judy comes into her own.
Thank you to Book*Hug and ZG Stories for my gifted copy!
Thank you to Book*Hug and ZG Stories for my gifted copy!
March 21, 2024
Borrowed from a friend and thankfully didn't buy it.
I started off enjoying Big Shadow because it brought me back to my time being an awkward teenager growing up in Ontario in the early 2000s (I know ithe book is set in the 90s). Unfortunately, I found the writer's voice instead of Judy's voice overwhelmingly present and a bit unbearable.
There's a strange lack of vulnerability in the style of writing and it feels deeply informed by basic white feminism. I feel like this was written by someone who can't get over how they are trying to prove how cool they are, if that makes sense? I wanted to invest in Judy but just felt distracted by the heaviness of what the writer was trying to say instead of tell.
I actually went to the writer's social media and she sort of writes her captions the same haha. Trying very hard to be clever but not really? Sorry this is a hard pass.
I started off enjoying Big Shadow because it brought me back to my time being an awkward teenager growing up in Ontario in the early 2000s (I know ithe book is set in the 90s). Unfortunately, I found the writer's voice instead of Judy's voice overwhelmingly present and a bit unbearable.
There's a strange lack of vulnerability in the style of writing and it feels deeply informed by basic white feminism. I feel like this was written by someone who can't get over how they are trying to prove how cool they are, if that makes sense? I wanted to invest in Judy but just felt distracted by the heaviness of what the writer was trying to say instead of tell.
I actually went to the writer's social media and she sort of writes her captions the same haha. Trying very hard to be clever but not really? Sorry this is a hard pass.
November 13, 2024
Really loved the writing, but ultimately just couldn’t stand the protagonist — I think perhaps on purpose. I would, however, read an entire other novel set during the same time from Christopher’s perspective, because the mythology and cultishness and rituals of his belief in the coming of some mythical Big Shadow was so much more interesting than the weaker metaphorical “big shadow” over the central relationship between an 18-year-old student and her 48-year-old writing professor. More cults! Less creeps! But oh man is it ever beautifully written, and I think it accomplished what it set out to do — I just have such a low tolerance for men being awful these days so it really wasn’t for me.
May 12, 2023
3.5 stars
The vibes of this book are perfect but I felt very disconnected from the story. I loved how well the author captured the naivety of Judy’s character.
I will say I wish we had gotten more of Alex and Christopher and their Big Shadow phenomena. I think they were really interesting characters that could have been fun to explore.
I’m a bit underwhelmed by the ending. It felt a bit rushed. I think I’d have liked to see more of a fall out of the situation between Judy and Maurice. The ending felt very lack luster.
The vibes of this book are perfect but I felt very disconnected from the story. I loved how well the author captured the naivety of Judy’s character.
I will say I wish we had gotten more of Alex and Christopher and their Big Shadow phenomena. I think they were really interesting characters that could have been fun to explore.
I’m a bit underwhelmed by the ending. It felt a bit rushed. I think I’d have liked to see more of a fall out of the situation between Judy and Maurice. The ending felt very lack luster.
May 26, 2023
Having one's specialness recognized by an admired stranger, being truly seen and encouraged is one of life's intoxicants. The protagonist's version of this delivers her from the ennui of being a constrained young person enmeshed with one track mind friends and sets her off on a journey where both the possibility self-realization and disillusionment are always in play.
The author's word choices and sentence phrasing filtered through the protagonist's cutting observations is a delight and the various moments of surprise and suspense are tactfully done. A real treat to read.
The author's word choices and sentence phrasing filtered through the protagonist's cutting observations is a delight and the various moments of surprise and suspense are tactfully done. A real treat to read.
May 3, 2023
Meditative, smart, funny, imaginative. Takes place over one summer. Is narrated by a young woman whose relationships with her friends and family are challenged by her meeting a new "friend" who puts ideas into her head as to what/who she could become. Interesting comment on how we can get swept up by ideas/dreams/goals, with results that are not-so-great for us.
September 14, 2025
My second reading of Big Shadow mesmerized me even more than my first. Marta Balcewicz‘s writing opens up pockets of vast insight in the fabric of daily life through small moments observed with psychologically rich connections across details. Balcewicz’s wonderfully imagined characters and witty, quietly profound, and thoroughly engaging voice reward reading and rereading.
May 24, 2023
A sort of old-school coming-of-age novel about a young woman's relationship with an older man. Skillfully written and subtle. If you're fed up with books like Normal People, this will go down very well.
August 30, 2023
Once readers make it through Big Shadow’s oblique opening, they’ll discover a well-crafted coming-of-age story with a dreamlike narration that intensifies their own revelations along with Judy’s as the Big Shadow passes over her life and slips away.
April 12, 2023
Absolutely brilliant.
Read
April 12, 2023" A deep imaginations into the social dilemma of individuals psychological challenges transformations modes ". A brilliant writer.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 15, 2023
I loved the part about the country house and watching the clouds waiting for the Big Shadow. Balcewicz has great humour and some unique descriptions that made this an immersive and compelling read.
May 16, 2023
Not bad. A great character study, and decent plot. I didn't always stay engaged but liked it overall. I really appreciate the free copy for review!!
June 8, 2024
I feel like there could’ve been more to the metaphor of Big Shadow/Aging Rock Star vibes. But overall a lovely read.
May 15, 2023
"Every thought I had was an individual rolling wave, incrementally erasing the previous one, but only by covering it and sending it back to where it originated. Nothing could be gotten rid of, only momentarily obscured. All of it remained inside, in the basin, cooking in the sun, the fish and the whales laughing at me. Within two weeks, I'd amassed something like an ocean's worth of concerns."
Marta Balcewicz's debut novel Big Shadow brings up big feelings for eighteen-year-old Judy. Searching for meaning amongst these emotions, she finds herself in a whirlwind of adventure, poetry and red flags after connecting with a visiting summer professor who used to be a fixture in the 1970s NYC punk scene. What Judy finds in Maurice is an escape from her current circumstances and questionable escapades on her weekend visits to NYC. Being in NYC brings moments of clarity, dreaming, and questioning as traveling and romances can do to an adolescent brain.
"I'd taken the Big Shadow up on its offer, I'd let it take me away, in a transmuted better version of myself. Except that none of it was what they'd predicted. They'd been looking in the wrong place! Maurice had nothing to do with clouds, he'd always been firmly planted here on the ground beside me."
The story takes place in the late nineties which for me allowed it to hold a certain cache as Judy and I were both born in the same year. It was a time of all sorts of emotions, innocence and deeply rooted space for spiritual longing and purpose. It was before 9/11, before our twenties, before adulthood and any kind of real responsibility, and all without technology dictating our lives. It was probably the last time where we as adolescents were stuck purely with our emotional longings. The whole way through the book I kept wanting to scream at Judy about all of the big obvious warning signs that her hopes with Maurice were not realistic. And in that reflection, I could see how much I was like Judy. Impressionable, naive all wrapped in a romantic ideal pursuing connection and community to the ends of the earth, soon to be crushed by the harsh realities of relationships and adult life.
"When pressed for time and in the thick of an exploding, life-altering moment, you write certain things and their direction is as random as a Roman candle. Or rather, you believe you've infused the message with your distinct essence, and that that is enough, and preferable to objective clarity."
Big Shadow is a very promising debut written with dark humour, and suspense while treading the line between adolescence and adulthood with the messiness of its reality. Judy is an intimate portrayal of what it was like to be a teen, coming of age at the turn of the millennium. Rather than watching the clouds roll by, she decided to take on life, no matter how recklessly it appeared. This book was real and raw and I look forward to Marta Balcewicz's next works.
Marta Balcewicz's debut novel Big Shadow brings up big feelings for eighteen-year-old Judy. Searching for meaning amongst these emotions, she finds herself in a whirlwind of adventure, poetry and red flags after connecting with a visiting summer professor who used to be a fixture in the 1970s NYC punk scene. What Judy finds in Maurice is an escape from her current circumstances and questionable escapades on her weekend visits to NYC. Being in NYC brings moments of clarity, dreaming, and questioning as traveling and romances can do to an adolescent brain.
"I'd taken the Big Shadow up on its offer, I'd let it take me away, in a transmuted better version of myself. Except that none of it was what they'd predicted. They'd been looking in the wrong place! Maurice had nothing to do with clouds, he'd always been firmly planted here on the ground beside me."
The story takes place in the late nineties which for me allowed it to hold a certain cache as Judy and I were both born in the same year. It was a time of all sorts of emotions, innocence and deeply rooted space for spiritual longing and purpose. It was before 9/11, before our twenties, before adulthood and any kind of real responsibility, and all without technology dictating our lives. It was probably the last time where we as adolescents were stuck purely with our emotional longings. The whole way through the book I kept wanting to scream at Judy about all of the big obvious warning signs that her hopes with Maurice were not realistic. And in that reflection, I could see how much I was like Judy. Impressionable, naive all wrapped in a romantic ideal pursuing connection and community to the ends of the earth, soon to be crushed by the harsh realities of relationships and adult life.
"When pressed for time and in the thick of an exploding, life-altering moment, you write certain things and their direction is as random as a Roman candle. Or rather, you believe you've infused the message with your distinct essence, and that that is enough, and preferable to objective clarity."
Big Shadow is a very promising debut written with dark humour, and suspense while treading the line between adolescence and adulthood with the messiness of its reality. Judy is an intimate portrayal of what it was like to be a teen, coming of age at the turn of the millennium. Rather than watching the clouds roll by, she decided to take on life, no matter how recklessly it appeared. This book was real and raw and I look forward to Marta Balcewicz's next works.
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