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Starstruck: A Memoir of Astrophysics and Finding Light in the Dark
In a beautifully written, science-packed, and inspirational memoir, Egyptian-American astrophysicist Sarafina El-Badry Nance shares how she boldly carved out a place in the field of astrophysics, grounding herself in a lifelong love of the stars to face life’s inevitable challenges and embrace the unknown. As a child, Sarafina El-Badry Nance spent nearly every evening with her father gazing up at the flickering stars and pondering what secrets the night sky held. The daughter of an American father and Egyptian mother who both pushed her toward academic excellence, Sarafina dreamed of becoming an astronomer and untangling the mysteries of the stars overhead. But it wasn’t long before she was told, both explicitly and implicitly, that girls just weren’t cut out for math and science. In Starstruck, Sarafina invites us to consider the cosmos through fascinating science lessons to open each chapter. But she also traces more earthbound obstacles—of misogyny and racism, abuse and intergenerational trauma, anxiety and self-doubt, cancer diagnoses and recovery—she faced along the way. As her career and passion for space brought her from UT Austin to UC Berkeley, and even to a Mars astronaut simulation in Hawai’i, Sarafina learned how to survive—and ultimately thrive—in a space that was seldom welcoming to women, and especially not to women of color. Honest and empowering, Starstruck sits at the intersection of the study of our cosmos—itself constantly changing—and the transformative experience of embracing resilience to pursue one’s passion.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published June 6, 2023
46 people are currently reading
4175 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 90 reviews
September 21, 2023
Just want to say, I'm jealous of her good memory a bit haha.
Narration by the author: she has a very soothing voice.
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Enjoyed hearing about her life, how she kept going even when she wasn't sure how she would get through everything.
She felt more relatable to me for awhile because she struggled with Math at first. (I struggled with math in school, it didn't want to stick in my brain at all).
Was hoping to hear more about her astrophysicist career, was slightly disappointed in that.
My anxiety went up listening to her describe her abusive relationship (Trigger warning ⚠️)
I wanted to hug her so badly 😢 .
Loved her relationship with her dad:) I can understand not being as close with the other parent (not as close with my dad).
It is powerful but at the same time... restrained? I guess that's the word. I didn't feel as connected to parts of the book.
The epilogue felt like it popped out of nowhere.. would have liked to see more lead up to it and how she came to have that dream and go after it.
Would still recommend, I can see this being very inspiring to people.
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Cringed hearing the Harry Potter references. So warning for anyone else who may be trigggered.
Narration by the author: she has a very soothing voice.
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Enjoyed hearing about her life, how she kept going even when she wasn't sure how she would get through everything.
She felt more relatable to me for awhile because she struggled with Math at first. (I struggled with math in school, it didn't want to stick in my brain at all).
Was hoping to hear more about her astrophysicist career, was slightly disappointed in that.
My anxiety went up listening to her describe her abusive relationship (Trigger warning ⚠️)
I wanted to hug her so badly 😢 .
Loved her relationship with her dad:) I can understand not being as close with the other parent (not as close with my dad).
It is powerful but at the same time... restrained? I guess that's the word. I didn't feel as connected to parts of the book.
The epilogue felt like it popped out of nowhere.. would have liked to see more lead up to it and how she came to have that dream and go after it.
Would still recommend, I can see this being very inspiring to people.
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Cringed hearing the Harry Potter references. So warning for anyone else who may be trigggered.
July 24, 2023
i want to start off by saying that i love any memoir, and in principle, this one is no exception - hearing about the life and experiences of another human being is almost always a sacred experience. at the same time, especially as a physicist myself, I was really excited for the book, but most of it just came off as half-baked anecdotes to support an "oh, poor me" narrative, while blatantly ignoring the massive amounts of privilege afforded to the author throughout her life. the whole "they said I wasn't cut out for STEM so I became an astrophysicist" bit feels entirely ingenuine. i'm not here to deny the negative impacts of experiences the author has had, but if this was meant to be inspiring (especially to younger girls), i think it misses the mark completely. being told you can't take an astrophysics class meant for upper school in 6th grade (never mind that your school has it at all)? being personally introduced to university professors by your teachers? having parents who encourage you to take research internships? oh NO, what horror. skipping sorority events to grind out problem sets that don't come easily? how terrible. last but not least, the integration of astrophysics at the beginning of chapters feels rather out of place, and the portrayal of the research process feels extremely sparse and doesn't convey its realities for students. the epilogue is also completely disconnected from everything.
July 27, 2023
5 Stars
This memoir is everything to me. I truly believe there are people in life, that we will never meet, that are made of the exact same star dust particles as ourselves. We go through parallel journeys and may never cross paths, but because the other exists, both can overcome hardships and feel championed through this journey of life.
Sarafina might be that person for me. I plan to write/record a more cohesive and thoughtful review, but this book made me feel understood and seen on so many different levels. It was truly an honor to read about Sarafina and her journey so far in life. It made me feel less alone and encouraged to continue to make “good choices” about my life and what I do here.
She tackles anxiety and depression, perfectionism, physical and mental and verbal abuse, grappling with caring and loving someone through cancer, dealing with her own BRCA-2 mutation and proactively handling the physical side of preventing certain cancers. I relate on every single level and feel like this book can provide so much strength to so many people.
Thanks Sarafina for putting yourself out there for us. You are educating and saving lives. You are inspiring women to break barriers. You are encouraging my to continue to find strength and carry on and also recognize that’s it’s okay when I can’t.
And thanks to @SpaceToRead for introducing me to this book and her #GreatSpaceRead.
This memoir is everything to me. I truly believe there are people in life, that we will never meet, that are made of the exact same star dust particles as ourselves. We go through parallel journeys and may never cross paths, but because the other exists, both can overcome hardships and feel championed through this journey of life.
Sarafina might be that person for me. I plan to write/record a more cohesive and thoughtful review, but this book made me feel understood and seen on so many different levels. It was truly an honor to read about Sarafina and her journey so far in life. It made me feel less alone and encouraged to continue to make “good choices” about my life and what I do here.
She tackles anxiety and depression, perfectionism, physical and mental and verbal abuse, grappling with caring and loving someone through cancer, dealing with her own BRCA-2 mutation and proactively handling the physical side of preventing certain cancers. I relate on every single level and feel like this book can provide so much strength to so many people.
Thanks Sarafina for putting yourself out there for us. You are educating and saving lives. You are inspiring women to break barriers. You are encouraging my to continue to find strength and carry on and also recognize that’s it’s okay when I can’t.
And thanks to @SpaceToRead for introducing me to this book and her #GreatSpaceRead.
May 30, 2023
This book is so inspiring and a must read for any woman in STEM. Sarafina's journey of self-actualization was so relatable and the interludes of the creation of the universe/our solar system really set the tone well.
Read
July 28, 2024its kind of awkward to rate people's memoirs so I wont but anyways I read this for my freshman class I was sort of kind of bored but you do you mrs stem
June 21, 2023
“Starstruck” by Sarafina El-Badry Nance documents the author’s amazing journey of survival and success starting as a studious elementary school student in Austin, Texas and concluding as a respected astrophysicist working on her PhD at UC Berkeley engaged in exciting activities such as participating in Mars crew habitat simulations on Mauna Loa. The author’s memoir will offer hope and guidance to others facing discrimination, sexism, destructive relationships, cancer, and other hardships. I hope that other people in destructive harmful relationships (of any kind!) will have the author’s strength to survive by walking away. I have been fortunate to have not encountered the level of opposition that the author has, yet, this was an excellent opportunity for me to reevaluate my roles in society such as parent, spouse, sibling, classmate, coworker, friend, etc. Although I am confident that I am not the kind of antagonist that the author frequently dealt with, reading this book reaffirms my desire to be remembered as a one of the good guys.
I really enjoyed the details about life in Austin, as it fondly reminded me of the decade my family and I spent there going about many of the same activities that the author described. I also appreciated astronomy interludes that skillfully illustrated the awe that one feels contemplating the vast cosmos.
I thank the author and publisher for graciously providing a temporary electronic review copy of this work.
I really enjoyed the details about life in Austin, as it fondly reminded me of the decade my family and I spent there going about many of the same activities that the author described. I also appreciated astronomy interludes that skillfully illustrated the awe that one feels contemplating the vast cosmos.
I thank the author and publisher for graciously providing a temporary electronic review copy of this work.
June 21, 2023
So completely wonderful, honest, and validating. I really wish I’d had this book earlier in life because I identify so closely with many of her struggles. I think this would be a life changing book for so many women struggling to feel like enough, especially in STEM. Cannot recommend enough.
May 23, 2023
This book has definitely earned its place in my Top 5 of all time. I couldn't put this book down. It encompasses all of Sarafina's life, pivotal moments, important decisions, and more. I laughed, cried, got goosebumps, and everything in between while reading Starstruck. Sarafina does a wonderful job of highlighting the intricacies of life with anxiety and shows her journey before diagnosis and throughout healing to a better mental state. She also explains what it's like to be a woman in STEM, especially a very male-heavy field. I am also a woman in STEM, which drew me to this book, although my chosen field is not so overwhelmed with men. I was never one for physics, but this book did an excellent job of combining complicated concepts with personal anecdotes. Overall, I would recommend this book to anybody interested in science or an amazing memoir.
I won this book in a GoodReads giveaway, all opinions are my own.
I won this book in a GoodReads giveaway, all opinions are my own.
July 21, 2024
If you're looking for a memoir about life as an astrophysicist, this isn't that memoir.
.
If you're interested in a memoir about overcoming anxiety and perfectionism, this is that memoir.
.
If you're interested in a memoir about overcoming anxiety and perfectionism, this is that memoir.
May 16, 2023
Where to start. I’ve been following Sarafina as a science communicator and advocate for women’s health since before I started down my own path of pursuing the field, and followed along online as she worked towards her greatest astrophysics ambitions and opted for a preventative double mastectomy in light of a BRCA-2 mutation confirmation. Reading her memoir was in short, a privilege.
•
Lyrical yet brazen, expansive yet intimate, earnest and deeply felt, this book was a memoir in its finest form.
•
The vivid and visceral personal pieces interspersed with connections to the magnitude of space and in depth explanations astronomical phenomena, while ambitious in scope, were cohesive and compelling.
•
In the latter portions of the book, the author copes with the various shades of grief, detachment from understanding, and determination to choose her own outcomes during genetic and cancer-focuses diagnostic and treatment processes. As a science communicator and a woman living with chronic illness, these pieces were particularly moving, and I was so grateful for those moments of connection.
•
Thank you to Dutton and NetGalley for access to an e-ARC of this book. And to the author, thank you for writing it.
•
Lyrical yet brazen, expansive yet intimate, earnest and deeply felt, this book was a memoir in its finest form.
•
The vivid and visceral personal pieces interspersed with connections to the magnitude of space and in depth explanations astronomical phenomena, while ambitious in scope, were cohesive and compelling.
•
In the latter portions of the book, the author copes with the various shades of grief, detachment from understanding, and determination to choose her own outcomes during genetic and cancer-focuses diagnostic and treatment processes. As a science communicator and a woman living with chronic illness, these pieces were particularly moving, and I was so grateful for those moments of connection.
•
Thank you to Dutton and NetGalley for access to an e-ARC of this book. And to the author, thank you for writing it.
June 15, 2023
El-Badry Nance is an excellent role model for anyone looking to get into astrophysics! This is a fantastic read for anyone fascinated by space and what it takes to get there. Memoir elements are mixed with astrophysics to share the experiences of El-Badry Nance as she grew up as a seeming outsider. The book is well-written and enjoyable. I highly recommend it!
June 15, 2023
Science is done by scientists and this book gives an amazing glimpse of just how human scientists are. Heartbreaking but beautiful and inspiring at the same time. Being human can suck, but being human means that we are a wonderful part of this unfathomable universe, and Sarafina explores that so well
July 9, 2023
This story is powerful. But something about the tone.... it just was restrained, almost robotic and dispassionate in the face of pain. I wasn't inspired to feel on the side of the author.
“Irony coats her voice in tiny thorns.”
“The pain is so immense that I want it to consume me. I want all of it. I deserve to feel all of it and yet it is unbearable. I want none of it.”
“Of course you’re not actually dying; you’re living. But isn’t living the hard part?”
“But as I sit I notice another voice inside me, one that is quietly taking up space. She is the voice of the stars.”
“It’s not enough to know the steps through a problem, you have to be clever. And when I’m anxious, my mind gets stuck, my thoughts swirl and nothing about me is clever.”
“A swell of emotions rises within me. Anger that she’s back. Shame at my anger. Resentment that I was left alone at all. But they’re welded together, indivisible. And the mess of hurt rises so much that my skin feels like it’s been set ablaze.”
“While Egypt will always be her home, it is also her captor.”
“The part of me that’s desperately lonely is overshadowed by the other part of me, the one that works too hard and studies too much.”
“I’ve learned over time to simply surrender during our fights. If I dissociate silently, allowing him to rage until he runs out of steam, it doesn’t hurt quite as much.”
“All of her passion for artistry, her years of work and design in architecture, her job as a female computer scientist, all of it was flattened into this waif of a human, who at the end of her days was carried into the wind.”
“It is at night when my work pauses and I have no structure that the terror takes over. When I feel invisible claws wrapping around my heart and squeezing my chest.”
“It barely registers that I’m one of two women. I am so used to it by now that I’ve learned to ignore the faint thud of disappointment in my chest.”
“‘You’re exploring the universe out there to explore the universe within yourself.’ Every scene is melting into the next and it is impossible to separate myself from it all. I am all of those moments yet they are not all of me. I am more.”
“Irony coats her voice in tiny thorns.”
“The pain is so immense that I want it to consume me. I want all of it. I deserve to feel all of it and yet it is unbearable. I want none of it.”
“Of course you’re not actually dying; you’re living. But isn’t living the hard part?”
“But as I sit I notice another voice inside me, one that is quietly taking up space. She is the voice of the stars.”
“It’s not enough to know the steps through a problem, you have to be clever. And when I’m anxious, my mind gets stuck, my thoughts swirl and nothing about me is clever.”
“A swell of emotions rises within me. Anger that she’s back. Shame at my anger. Resentment that I was left alone at all. But they’re welded together, indivisible. And the mess of hurt rises so much that my skin feels like it’s been set ablaze.”
“While Egypt will always be her home, it is also her captor.”
“The part of me that’s desperately lonely is overshadowed by the other part of me, the one that works too hard and studies too much.”
“I’ve learned over time to simply surrender during our fights. If I dissociate silently, allowing him to rage until he runs out of steam, it doesn’t hurt quite as much.”
“All of her passion for artistry, her years of work and design in architecture, her job as a female computer scientist, all of it was flattened into this waif of a human, who at the end of her days was carried into the wind.”
“It is at night when my work pauses and I have no structure that the terror takes over. When I feel invisible claws wrapping around my heart and squeezing my chest.”
“It barely registers that I’m one of two women. I am so used to it by now that I’ve learned to ignore the faint thud of disappointment in my chest.”
“‘You’re exploring the universe out there to explore the universe within yourself.’ Every scene is melting into the next and it is impossible to separate myself from it all. I am all of those moments yet they are not all of me. I am more.”
June 25, 2023
This was a good at times very good memoir. My problem with it is that it wasn’t at all what I thought it was going to be about- namely the author’s career or even education in astrophysics. It was much more a personal memoir about childhood (the 1st 100 pages are just elementary school), interpersonal relationships (cw intimate partner violence), and health issues (70 pgs or so about her experience w/BRCA gene). All of that is fine, I enjoyed it even, and may have sought it out, it’s just not what I thought I was getting in to with this. The parts of the book that are focused on the work are great, but it’s really only the final chapter, and in the first few pages of all the others she uses some factoids about the universe. I guess I was just looking for something more about working in the field or even about higher ed in the fields connected to space travel and research.
December 28, 2023
I just really loved this book. In her gorgeous memoir, Sarafina adeptly balances her incredible life story with complicated astronomy concepts as she illustrates the challenges and beauties of growing up with a big dream. Her warm and resilient heart comes through in every page, and I can say my only gripe is that there wasn’t more for me to hungrily consume.
Read
December 17, 2023Starstruck, an autobiography filled with science and social commentary by Sarafina El-Badry Nance, tells of an intriguing astrophysicist with an appreciation of the heavens. Each chapter begins with a mini-science lesson, which is interesting. The author candidly explores her enviable relationship with her father, her early struggles with math, and an abusive romantic involvement, as well as her physical and mental health and the effects of assisting a loved one through cancer. Although she offers insight into her life as a woman in science, and in particular a woman of color in science, I would have enjoyed a more thorough exploration, and the epilogue seemed like an odd tag-on. However, Starstruck points to hard work, maximizing opportunities, and ignoring nay-sayers as a path to achievement, and that is certainly an important lesson for all.
January 17, 2024
TW
Anxiety
Ptsd
Abuse
Death of family member
Cancer
Surgey
Sexism
Racism
Grieving
This book was so inspiring. I was heartbroken at the stuff she had endured but she still came out on top and I am so proud of that for her. The blend of science and her story, worked together really well. I absolutely recommend this book.
Anxiety
Ptsd
Abuse
Death of family member
Cancer
Surgey
Sexism
Racism
Grieving
This book was so inspiring. I was heartbroken at the stuff she had endured but she still came out on top and I am so proud of that for her. The blend of science and her story, worked together really well. I absolutely recommend this book.
July 8, 2023
This book is brilliant. El-Badry Nance seamlessly uses theoretical physics juxtaposed with life events to provide insight into science and hard learned lessons.
I’m not sure which were harder, the physics lessons or the life lessons.
Read this now. So, so, so good.
I’m not sure which were harder, the physics lessons or the life lessons.
Read this now. So, so, so good.
July 20, 2023
Cannot recommend this enough, especially to fellow women in STEM. TW: physical/ emotional abuse, religious trauma
June 5, 2023
Heartfelt and honest, and reads like poetry.
June 26, 2023
People live such incredible lives.
November 27, 2023
Women in STEM>>> 😤😤 ! I did actually really enjoy this one, inspiring and I learned a little bit about outer space!
June 29, 2023
A must-read for any woman in STEM!
December 20, 2023
An outstanding memoir about a woman who had to struggle with a lot of difficulties--depression, sexism, abuse--in pursuing her dreams of being an astrophysicist.
June 18, 2023
If I only read one book this year, this would be the one. A marvelous read!!!
December 17, 2023
I was especially excited to pick this up because Sarafina Nance is a fellow UT Physics and Astronomy alum, and I love reading physics and astronomy books by women!
It has some basic astro content, but is mostly about being Egyptian-American, growing up with anxiety and complicated family, domestic abuse, her dad's cancer, and being a breast cancer previvor by getting a double mastectomy at a young age. She touches on her astro career throughout the book. While it’s not the quickest read, I'm really glad I picked it up!
I felt some dust in my eyes everytime Nance talked about how Egypt is just *different* and more joyous and vibrant compared to the cold, lonely US. She discusses the emotional impact of having major parts of your culture and family in another continent facing political upheavals, plus the emotional mother/daughter gap when you're second gen with the generational trauma that is passed on. It was sad to hear about how Nance had several kinds of slurs thrown at her as a kid in Austin, Texas, because of her ethnically ambiguous features. The talk about curly hair amidst Eurocentric beauty standards hit close to home.
Here, I only wish she were more explicit about her religious background, especially considering she talks about going to a heavily christian-oriented school and then transferring happily to a more secular one—It’s not fully clear to me whether her mom’s side of the family is Muslim, or what she personally identifies as. It’s not information she owes to readers, of course, but I think it would have added important context.
Throughout the book, we pick up clues about Nance's psyche, how her parents kept her on a strict schedule and implied their love was conditional on her success, or that her academic success was holding the family together. Her parents' marriage was terribly rocky, and the subsequent divorce was painfully drawn out. My heart goes out to the younger Nance, especially knowing that she's an only child. It must have been an immense burden to carry.
We watch Nance develop anxiety and workaholism and learn to identity and overcome it. By the end, we watch her dad grow out of his past worldview, too. She has mentioned recently on her public social media that her mom cut off communication and chose not to attend her wedding after this book came out, which is truly devastating.
I wasn’t expecting to read about an abusive college boyfriend that weaponises his own Arab ethnicity as an excuse for his misoginy, but that section, and watching how the impact of the relationship effects Nance for the rest of her life with PTSD, packs a real punch. The narrative is written really well—You can tell why Nance made misguided choices based on how she was raised. I loved how Nance connected the influence of controlling male partners to very direct barriers women in STEM face.
Throughout the book, she cites several other examples of misogyny in astro/physics academia. Fortunately, Nance’s privileges in terms of career opportunities and mental healthcare from a young age largely overshadows these setbacks. In the first third of the book, I found myself wishing the simplistic sections about her childhood were made more condensed (whilst retaining their point). As it is, “Part I: Origins” would perhaps appeal to and inspire young girls, while the other two parts are darker and cover slightly more mature themes.
I want to clarify here, just because she grew up privileged in some ways doesn’t negate the value or significance of her experiences—not at all. In fact, I wish there were *more* successful women of colour in astro/physics that have faced little to no bigotry or barriers. I don't think someone's story is made “less interesting” because it was free of suffering. We *certainly* don't have that standard towards books written by cisheterosexual white men. But considering the wide array of past and current WoC experiences in astro/physics, I did find myself greatly wishing for more social data in the book, so that her personal narrative would perhaps fits into a bigger picture.
Now, onto the astrophysics! … Sadly, I didn't find the science communication very engaging, detailed, or ... well-written, really. The paragraphs felt rushed and summarized, like passages from a kids’ encyclopedia. The chronology about stars, planets, and the universe was a bit all over the place.
I definitely saw the goal—Nance wants us to see how the optimistic nihilism astronomy provides has been a comfort and a guiding light in her life. And so every chapter begins with astronomical or cosmological nuggets and then cuts off to continue her personal memoir—and in theory that sounds *really cool*. And perhaps my own expectations were just misplaced; I expected it to have more science-for-laymen bits, like a lot of other combined memoir/sci-com books by women. Regardless, her execution just … doesn't land—the explanations are so generalized that I really can't tell what *specifically* about astrophysics research she's really passionate about as a scientist, how *specifically* the math in her physics classes she worked so hard for have been tools for astronomy. I can’t help but think that if I were a laymen who didn’t know how math fits into physics and physics fits into astronomy, this book wouldn’t have left me any wiser. If you ask me about the day in the life of an astrophysicist, I … still don’t know. It’s mentioned that that they go to classes, do math, code, and present research—but the real technicality of astrophysics is left as ambiguous as ever. And beyond her statements about the nihilism, the book doesn't try too hard to dissect and *show* us her feelings and perspectives to that end.
And I think during the beginning of the book, I just couldn't “see the vision”, as they say. I felt like I was reading about a kid with regular (albeit rough and unfair) struggles and typical (though admirably ambitious) dreams. But I *very much* saw the real goal of the book by the end, after I had flown through the latter two thirds.
Sometimes a child grows up in a moderately stable, loving, privileged home, and expects their life is going to be “normal”. They'll go to college, maybe grad school, find a job, find a partner and start their own family perhaps, take care of their parents in their old age.
But then they end up experiencing something completely different, unprecedented events that feel bigger than their life should have been. My understanding of this book is that Nance's personal profound experience was her dad's cancer—and her own following preventative double mastectomy—which she had to go through as a very young adult.
She was 23 before the epilogue, my age right now. While many parts of her life are completely different from mine, her crippling fear of death, her need for a support system, her attachment to the familiarity of her body, and her unease towards medical decisions and environments were extremely relatable. These are universal feelings, for most young women.
When shit hits the fan (and/or miracles happen) like that and turn your entire world turns upside down, it makes you contemplate every step of the wild ride that has been your life to lead you to this moment. (In her author’s note, Nance says that this book started as a cathartic personal project.) You realise you have a unique story, one that’s worth telling.
I’m glad Nance was able to tell hers.
A solid 4.5 stars, and so glad I picked up a signed copy at BookPeople during the Texas Book Fest! Highly recommended!
It has some basic astro content, but is mostly about being Egyptian-American, growing up with anxiety and complicated family, domestic abuse, her dad's cancer, and being a breast cancer previvor by getting a double mastectomy at a young age. She touches on her astro career throughout the book. While it’s not the quickest read, I'm really glad I picked it up!
I felt some dust in my eyes everytime Nance talked about how Egypt is just *different* and more joyous and vibrant compared to the cold, lonely US. She discusses the emotional impact of having major parts of your culture and family in another continent facing political upheavals, plus the emotional mother/daughter gap when you're second gen with the generational trauma that is passed on. It was sad to hear about how Nance had several kinds of slurs thrown at her as a kid in Austin, Texas, because of her ethnically ambiguous features. The talk about curly hair amidst Eurocentric beauty standards hit close to home.
Here, I only wish she were more explicit about her religious background, especially considering she talks about going to a heavily christian-oriented school and then transferring happily to a more secular one—It’s not fully clear to me whether her mom’s side of the family is Muslim, or what she personally identifies as. It’s not information she owes to readers, of course, but I think it would have added important context.
Throughout the book, we pick up clues about Nance's psyche, how her parents kept her on a strict schedule and implied their love was conditional on her success, or that her academic success was holding the family together. Her parents' marriage was terribly rocky, and the subsequent divorce was painfully drawn out. My heart goes out to the younger Nance, especially knowing that she's an only child. It must have been an immense burden to carry.
We watch Nance develop anxiety and workaholism and learn to identity and overcome it. By the end, we watch her dad grow out of his past worldview, too. She has mentioned recently on her public social media that her mom cut off communication and chose not to attend her wedding after this book came out, which is truly devastating.
I wasn’t expecting to read about an abusive college boyfriend that weaponises his own Arab ethnicity as an excuse for his misoginy, but that section, and watching how the impact of the relationship effects Nance for the rest of her life with PTSD, packs a real punch. The narrative is written really well—You can tell why Nance made misguided choices based on how she was raised. I loved how Nance connected the influence of controlling male partners to very direct barriers women in STEM face.
Throughout the book, she cites several other examples of misogyny in astro/physics academia. Fortunately, Nance’s privileges in terms of career opportunities and mental healthcare from a young age largely overshadows these setbacks. In the first third of the book, I found myself wishing the simplistic sections about her childhood were made more condensed (whilst retaining their point). As it is, “Part I: Origins” would perhaps appeal to and inspire young girls, while the other two parts are darker and cover slightly more mature themes.
I want to clarify here, just because she grew up privileged in some ways doesn’t negate the value or significance of her experiences—not at all. In fact, I wish there were *more* successful women of colour in astro/physics that have faced little to no bigotry or barriers. I don't think someone's story is made “less interesting” because it was free of suffering. We *certainly* don't have that standard towards books written by cisheterosexual white men. But considering the wide array of past and current WoC experiences in astro/physics, I did find myself greatly wishing for more social data in the book, so that her personal narrative would perhaps fits into a bigger picture.
Now, onto the astrophysics! … Sadly, I didn't find the science communication very engaging, detailed, or ... well-written, really. The paragraphs felt rushed and summarized, like passages from a kids’ encyclopedia. The chronology about stars, planets, and the universe was a bit all over the place.
I definitely saw the goal—Nance wants us to see how the optimistic nihilism astronomy provides has been a comfort and a guiding light in her life. And so every chapter begins with astronomical or cosmological nuggets and then cuts off to continue her personal memoir—and in theory that sounds *really cool*. And perhaps my own expectations were just misplaced; I expected it to have more science-for-laymen bits, like a lot of other combined memoir/sci-com books by women. Regardless, her execution just … doesn't land—the explanations are so generalized that I really can't tell what *specifically* about astrophysics research she's really passionate about as a scientist, how *specifically* the math in her physics classes she worked so hard for have been tools for astronomy. I can’t help but think that if I were a laymen who didn’t know how math fits into physics and physics fits into astronomy, this book wouldn’t have left me any wiser. If you ask me about the day in the life of an astrophysicist, I … still don’t know. It’s mentioned that that they go to classes, do math, code, and present research—but the real technicality of astrophysics is left as ambiguous as ever. And beyond her statements about the nihilism, the book doesn't try too hard to dissect and *show* us her feelings and perspectives to that end.
And I think during the beginning of the book, I just couldn't “see the vision”, as they say. I felt like I was reading about a kid with regular (albeit rough and unfair) struggles and typical (though admirably ambitious) dreams. But I *very much* saw the real goal of the book by the end, after I had flown through the latter two thirds.
Sometimes a child grows up in a moderately stable, loving, privileged home, and expects their life is going to be “normal”. They'll go to college, maybe grad school, find a job, find a partner and start their own family perhaps, take care of their parents in their old age.
But then they end up experiencing something completely different, unprecedented events that feel bigger than their life should have been. My understanding of this book is that Nance's personal profound experience was her dad's cancer—and her own following preventative double mastectomy—which she had to go through as a very young adult.
She was 23 before the epilogue, my age right now. While many parts of her life are completely different from mine, her crippling fear of death, her need for a support system, her attachment to the familiarity of her body, and her unease towards medical decisions and environments were extremely relatable. These are universal feelings, for most young women.
When shit hits the fan (and/or miracles happen) like that and turn your entire world turns upside down, it makes you contemplate every step of the wild ride that has been your life to lead you to this moment. (In her author’s note, Nance says that this book started as a cathartic personal project.) You realise you have a unique story, one that’s worth telling.
I’m glad Nance was able to tell hers.
A solid 4.5 stars, and so glad I picked up a signed copy at BookPeople during the Texas Book Fest! Highly recommended!
September 21, 2024
I did not expect to like this book as much as I did. Sarafina shows how therapy helped unravel her feelings on immigration, perfectionism, anger, abuse, and illness. She has a way with words that help the reader feel what she's feeling. I can't recommend this book enough, especially for those that feel the pressure to be amazing at everything.
September 6, 2023
When I was offered a copy of this book, I really didn’t look that closely. I saw the picture of a female in what looked like an astronaut suit holding a helmet and the subtitle about astrophysics (assumed she was an astronaut), and that she was Egyptian-American and immediately thought, I want to read about a successful female in science who fights both misogyny and racism. Yes. And I did and yet this was so much more than that and at the same time, not that at all.
This is an inspiring story about a girl who loves the stars and enters the science field, but also suffers from crippling anxiety in the face of a stressful, fractured homelife; misogynistic educational experiences; abusive relationships and the prospect of a most-assured future cancer diagnosis.
The story is divided in 3 parts, covering her elementary school years, high school and college years, split between an abusive domestic relationship and tackling the cancer question. Her experiences are beautifully set to prose incorporating her knowledge of astrophysics and interpolating that information into her ruminations over her life so far.
She has a complicated relationship with both of her parents though the mother/daughter relationship appears to be the most strained and anxiety-inducing. She often measures her self-worth based on accomplishments and failures which leads to her feelings of inadequacy that are validated when others, like educators and possible mentors or partners, tell her that as a girl she is not predisposed to be good at math, she cannot be an astrophysicist and it is all her fault or what she deserves. Some of these people were even females. At times I was a little frustrated by the repetition of these ideas throughout the book, but I also understand that this is a manifestation of her anxiety and understandable in retrospect.
Don’t worry about the science if you think it will be too much for you. There’s not much here and I was disappointed. The epilogue describes her experiences with a Mars astronaut simulation in Hawaii and oh how I wish that had taken up a large majority of the book. She could have set her struggles against a more detailed account of that experience, and I probably would have loved it. I also had difficulty looking past the educational opportunities and privileges that she had access to during her journey that were not available to me living in rural Texas with little to no science offered in the curriculum, which consisted of the religion-washed basic biology of Texas public schools taught by a coach more preoccupied with sports.
I found her explanation of her experience with genetic testing, breast cancer scares and her decisions given her high anxiety to be very informative. I’m a breast cancer survivor having been diagnosed in my early to mid-thirties with (so far) non-genetic breast cancer. Her revelations over this experience were very enlightening given I have been resentful in the past about BRCA receiving disproportional media attention compared to more prevalent breast cancers. If it makes just 1 woman advocate for herself, it’s worth it.
I’d recommend this book to those who love reading books about successful women in any field who’ve overcome adversity and especially those that relate to stories about extreme anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. Hopefully, I’ll get to read a follow-up to this one recounting her experiences as an astronaut.
Thank you to Netgalley and Dutton Books for a copy provided for an honest review.
This is an inspiring story about a girl who loves the stars and enters the science field, but also suffers from crippling anxiety in the face of a stressful, fractured homelife; misogynistic educational experiences; abusive relationships and the prospect of a most-assured future cancer diagnosis.
The story is divided in 3 parts, covering her elementary school years, high school and college years, split between an abusive domestic relationship and tackling the cancer question. Her experiences are beautifully set to prose incorporating her knowledge of astrophysics and interpolating that information into her ruminations over her life so far.
She has a complicated relationship with both of her parents though the mother/daughter relationship appears to be the most strained and anxiety-inducing. She often measures her self-worth based on accomplishments and failures which leads to her feelings of inadequacy that are validated when others, like educators and possible mentors or partners, tell her that as a girl she is not predisposed to be good at math, she cannot be an astrophysicist and it is all her fault or what she deserves. Some of these people were even females. At times I was a little frustrated by the repetition of these ideas throughout the book, but I also understand that this is a manifestation of her anxiety and understandable in retrospect.
Don’t worry about the science if you think it will be too much for you. There’s not much here and I was disappointed. The epilogue describes her experiences with a Mars astronaut simulation in Hawaii and oh how I wish that had taken up a large majority of the book. She could have set her struggles against a more detailed account of that experience, and I probably would have loved it. I also had difficulty looking past the educational opportunities and privileges that she had access to during her journey that were not available to me living in rural Texas with little to no science offered in the curriculum, which consisted of the religion-washed basic biology of Texas public schools taught by a coach more preoccupied with sports.
I found her explanation of her experience with genetic testing, breast cancer scares and her decisions given her high anxiety to be very informative. I’m a breast cancer survivor having been diagnosed in my early to mid-thirties with (so far) non-genetic breast cancer. Her revelations over this experience were very enlightening given I have been resentful in the past about BRCA receiving disproportional media attention compared to more prevalent breast cancers. If it makes just 1 woman advocate for herself, it’s worth it.
I’d recommend this book to those who love reading books about successful women in any field who’ve overcome adversity and especially those that relate to stories about extreme anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. Hopefully, I’ll get to read a follow-up to this one recounting her experiences as an astronaut.
Thank you to Netgalley and Dutton Books for a copy provided for an honest review.
December 1, 2023
I have been following Sarafina on Instagram for a while and was very intrigued when I saw that she had written a memoir about astrophysics.
The book follows her life from childhood up until now (she’s 30). That might appear early to be writing a memoir, but she has plenty of experiences to share. This was a rich story touching on many subjects and showing how many different aspects a life can have at once. Life is never just one path, one struggle, one goal at a time.
It was an inspirational and interesting book in many ways, but I felt that the science and astrophysics wasn’t at the forefront of the story, and thus the cover was a bit misleading. Each chapter starts with a few pages about an astrophysical topic, but these feel a bit forced and random, as they are not that well integrated with the story. However, that is about the only astrophysics in the book, so it would have felt empty without it. I just wish it was integrated in a better way.
The book focused mainly on her experiences growing up and getting an education, suffering domestic violence and surviving breast cancer, as well as sexism, racism, being an immigrant, struggling with anxiety and not feeling good enough. She states her desire to become an astrophysicist throughout and how she is working hard towards that goal. But it wasn’t until in the epilogue we got a sense of her as an astrophysicist. I wish the latter part of her life was described more, as her wish throughout all her life (and book) was to become an astrophysicist. She could have told more about her research and what it means to be an astrophysicist, and elaborated on the purpose of doing analog missions. In particular, I would have been curious to know more about the selection process for the analog Mars mission, because I wouldn’t have thought that a person with a history of anxiety would have been chosen for such an experiment. Mental health is usually such a high priority in astronaut selection processes.
It’s quite a thick book at 336 pages. It is sometimes a bit repetitive and it could probably have been shortened. However, the pages just flew by. She writes beautifully and the book is easy and pleasant to read. She has an incredible memory of her past. But at the same time I found it difficult to feel emotionally invested. Even though she went through a lot of struggles and difficult times, they didn’t really come off as such in the book. I’m not sure why. Something about the tone, perhaps.
I enjoyed reading the book while I was reading it, but not sure it made a lasting impact on me. Perhaps it’s better to read at a younger age, as it is more of a coming-of-age type of story, becoming a young woman (I am in my mid-thirties myself). But I can absolutely recommend it to people who enjoy reading memoirs and about women overcoming hindrances.
The book follows her life from childhood up until now (she’s 30). That might appear early to be writing a memoir, but she has plenty of experiences to share. This was a rich story touching on many subjects and showing how many different aspects a life can have at once. Life is never just one path, one struggle, one goal at a time.
It was an inspirational and interesting book in many ways, but I felt that the science and astrophysics wasn’t at the forefront of the story, and thus the cover was a bit misleading. Each chapter starts with a few pages about an astrophysical topic, but these feel a bit forced and random, as they are not that well integrated with the story. However, that is about the only astrophysics in the book, so it would have felt empty without it. I just wish it was integrated in a better way.
The book focused mainly on her experiences growing up and getting an education, suffering domestic violence and surviving breast cancer, as well as sexism, racism, being an immigrant, struggling with anxiety and not feeling good enough. She states her desire to become an astrophysicist throughout and how she is working hard towards that goal. But it wasn’t until in the epilogue we got a sense of her as an astrophysicist. I wish the latter part of her life was described more, as her wish throughout all her life (and book) was to become an astrophysicist. She could have told more about her research and what it means to be an astrophysicist, and elaborated on the purpose of doing analog missions. In particular, I would have been curious to know more about the selection process for the analog Mars mission, because I wouldn’t have thought that a person with a history of anxiety would have been chosen for such an experiment. Mental health is usually such a high priority in astronaut selection processes.
It’s quite a thick book at 336 pages. It is sometimes a bit repetitive and it could probably have been shortened. However, the pages just flew by. She writes beautifully and the book is easy and pleasant to read. She has an incredible memory of her past. But at the same time I found it difficult to feel emotionally invested. Even though she went through a lot of struggles and difficult times, they didn’t really come off as such in the book. I’m not sure why. Something about the tone, perhaps.
I enjoyed reading the book while I was reading it, but not sure it made a lasting impact on me. Perhaps it’s better to read at a younger age, as it is more of a coming-of-age type of story, becoming a young woman (I am in my mid-thirties myself). But I can absolutely recommend it to people who enjoy reading memoirs and about women overcoming hindrances.
August 22, 2023
An excellent memoir that, if nothing else, will inspire girls to follow their dreams in science despite nay-saying men and will motivate people to get better preventative healthcare. I liked how the author switched between sharing information about astronomy (I actually learned a lot, so that was very cool) and her personal story. I appreciated especially her sharing of her struggles with anxiety. The way that she described her experiences helped me to understand it better both in myself and my loved ones.
I expected the book to be more about her struggles with sexism in science, but it was more focused on her struggles with her family's health and her own health. Of course, I wish she had written more about her relationship with her mother and her parents' relationship, but she's young, and no story ever really tells us everything. I did feel like she idolized her dad, but he abandoned her, too! I was shocked that her parents left her living on her own in high school. Interestingly enough, this is the 3rd account of this that I know of (the 2nd is Florence Woo's excellent memoir). I also felt like her father didn't provide for her. Sure, they sent her to a private school, but then they had no choice but to abandon her so they could take jobs in different cities? And then, they had to move to Mexico because cancer treatment was too expensive in the US? I get it, but for two very highly educated people (her parents), they didn't seem very smart about finances or about providing their daughter with stability and security. But, anyway, that's all stuff for a therapist to sort out.
I also was surprised by how blatant the sexism was that El-Badry Nance experienced. I mean, not surprised, but I just expected it to be more subtle. My experience with my own kid has been that sexism in STEM is often quite subtle and starts very, very young. A lot of it is simply exclusion. Or, another example, is that at a festival with a Battlebots LegoNext booth, the guy running the booth wanted to have my daughter's robot compete against another girl, when the majority of kids there were boys. Funny enough, my daughter's robot won all the prelim maches and made it to the finals. Suddenly, the guys were very eager to chat with us about enrolling her in their classes.
Anyway, it was a good memoir and a good read overall.
I expected the book to be more about her struggles with sexism in science, but it was more focused on her struggles with her family's health and her own health. Of course, I wish she had written more about her relationship with her mother and her parents' relationship, but she's young, and no story ever really tells us everything. I did feel like she idolized her dad, but he abandoned her, too! I was shocked that her parents left her living on her own in high school. Interestingly enough, this is the 3rd account of this that I know of (the 2nd is Florence Woo's excellent memoir). I also felt like her father didn't provide for her. Sure, they sent her to a private school, but then they had no choice but to abandon her so they could take jobs in different cities? And then, they had to move to Mexico because cancer treatment was too expensive in the US? I get it, but for two very highly educated people (her parents), they didn't seem very smart about finances or about providing their daughter with stability and security. But, anyway, that's all stuff for a therapist to sort out.
I also was surprised by how blatant the sexism was that El-Badry Nance experienced. I mean, not surprised, but I just expected it to be more subtle. My experience with my own kid has been that sexism in STEM is often quite subtle and starts very, very young. A lot of it is simply exclusion. Or, another example, is that at a festival with a Battlebots LegoNext booth, the guy running the booth wanted to have my daughter's robot compete against another girl, when the majority of kids there were boys. Funny enough, my daughter's robot won all the prelim maches and made it to the finals. Suddenly, the guys were very eager to chat with us about enrolling her in their classes.
Anyway, it was a good memoir and a good read overall.
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