Falling Back in Love with Being Human: Letters to Lost Souls

by Kai Cheng Thom

What happens when we imagine loving the people--and the parts of ourselves--that we do not believe are worthy of love?

A transformative collection of intimate and lyrical love letters that offer a path toward compassion, forgiveness, and self-acceptance.

"Required reading."--Glennon Doyle

Kai Cheng Thom grew up a Chinese Canadian transgender girl in a hostile world. As an activist, psychotherapist, conflict mediator, and spiritual healer, she's always pursued the same deeply personal mission: to embrace the revolutionary belief that every human being, no matter how hateful or horrible, is intrinsically sacred.

But then Kai Cheng found herself in a crisis of faith, overwhelmed by the viciousness with which people treated one another, and barely clinging to the values and ideals she'd built her life around: justice, hope, love, and healing. Rather than succumb to despair and cynicism, she gathered all her rage and grief and took one last leap of faith: she wrote. Whether prayers or spells or poems--and whether there's a difference--she wrote to affirm the outcasts and runaways she calls her kin. She wrote to flawed but nonetheless lovable men, to people with good intentions who harm their own, to racists and transphobes seemingly beyond saving. What emerged was a blueprint for falling back in love with being human.

Genres: Poetry, Nonfiction, Queer, LGBT, Essays, Audiobook, Memoir

176 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2023

About the author

Kai Cheng Thom is a writer, performance artist, social worker, fierce trans femme and notorious liar who loves lipstick and superhero cartoons. A prolific essayist and poet, her work appears online in publications including BuzzFeed, xoJane, Everyday Feminism, and Autostraddle; and in print in Asian American Literary Review, Plenitude, and Matrix Magazine, among others. Her first collection of poetry, a place called No Homeland, will be published by Arsenal Pulp Press in Spring 2017. As a spoken word artist, she has appeared and featured at venues including Buddies in Bad Times Theatre and the Banff Centre for the Arts. She is also a mental health community worker and co-founder of the collective Monster Academy: Mental Health Skills for Montreal Youth. Kai Cheng lives in Montreal and Toronto, both of which were built on unceded Indigenous territory. Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir is her first novel.

Reviews

[CaseyTheCanadianLesbrarian]

Okay, WOW WOW WOW. I think this collection of letters -- which sometimes take the form of poems, prayers, spells, and prompts -- is going to become my new spiritual guide to life? It's generous, fierce, sad, hopeful, inspiring, angry, loving, and incredibly powerful.

Addressees of the letters range from trans femmes of colour to TERFs. Kai Cheng Thom's performance in the audiobook is moving and dynamic, as I expected, particularly in the piece where she repeats "I forgive you" over and over with different intonations in the letter to people who've hurt her. I loved the audiobook but I need to get the print copy so I can continue to reread this forever!

This is an instant new queer classic and the kind of book that makes you feel alive, and glad to be. I cannot recommend this book enough!

[Mai H.]

I used to think poetry wasn't for me. That was before I read it more diversely. I found I could finally connect to it. While I don't love this current trend of not capitalizing anything, that doesn't really detract from any of the content, so I'll leave it.

This book hits a lot of hard topics, including white feminists, trans-exclusionary radical feminists, and JKR. I am of the school that if your feminism doesn't include all women, you're not really a feminist. I will die on this hill. Kai Cheng is a lot more loving than me, as she even thanks these people with differing opinions in her acknowledgements.

As with all poetry, or things of a personal nature, some of these poems resonated more with me than others, but the feel of them is generally the same. I found myself captivated with bits of each one, and found this a very fast read. I'll be on the lookout for more in the future.

📱 Thank you to NetGalley and Dial Press Trade Paperback

[Emma Griffioen]

happy publication day to falling back in love with being human by kai cheng thom!

falling back in love with being human: letters to lost souls, is a modern poetry collection of 'letters' addressed to various people, groups, things, etc., written by canadian writer kai cheng thom. the poems were well-written and easy to follow, which is not always the case with poetry. however, overall the poems fell flat for me, i wasn't highlighting much and there were so many pop culture references - although i did really enjoy the poem addressed to jk rowling!

if you're a fan of poetry, definitely check this out on or after august 1st when it is published, but if you're not, this is a good one to skip. i don't think this will be the most memorable poetry collection, however, i am really looking forward to picking up thom's memoir since i enjoyed the writing style so much!

thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Random House Canada for the e-arc of falling back into love with being human: letters to lost souls by kai cheng thom in exchange for an honest review.

[Jillian B]

Beautiful poetic letters from a BIPOC trans femme. As with any poetry collection, some resonated with me more than others, but all were skillfully written and moving.

[Stitching Ghost]

I loved every minute of this one. I needed something hopeful in the we can do better than this way not in the let's pretend everything is beautiful and the world isn't going to hell in a handbasket and it's exactly what I got.

[Shannon]

WOW. For a such small volume of poems/letters/essays and prompts this sure packs a punch!! Written by a popular Asian Canadian trans femme author during the pandemic when they were hurting from seeing all the hate and violence in the world. This book is meant to be a source of catharsis, provide healing and be a beacon of trans joy.

Dedicated to different people and topics, each poem/letter is filled with emotion and deeply personal. Both sad and hopeful, this reads as a volume meant to heal during a very painful period of the author's life.

Lyrical and extremely moving and I can't recommend it enough. I especially enjoyed the letters to the deathwalkers (those contemplating suicide), to the johns and to JK Rowling and prompts that follow each letter that ask the reader to take various actions or reflect on different parts of themselves.

Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for sharing an early digital copy in exchange for my honest review. This is a book I will be buying to keep on my forever shelf and raving about to everyone I know! A MUST READ of 2023!!

[Zana]

Like doing therapy with your bestie.

Good stuff. Goddamn.

[Maia]

Short and sweet, this book is half confession, half spell book. Each chapter is written as a letter- to trans women, to activists, to sex workers, to johns, to those contemplating suicide, to TERFs, to children's book writers- each followed with a little action or ritual. I listened to it as an audiobook and loved hearing the letters in the author's voice, but I can also see how reading it in print and lingering over each letter one at a time would be wonderful too.

[Danika at The Lesbrary]

Kai Cheng Thom continues to be amazing. I'll read anything she writes.

[TL *Humaning the Best She Can*]

Powerful, moving, and written very well.

Some I didn't care for (a me thing), and others I rewound to hear over and over again :).

The honesty was so refreshing.

The title really grabbed me... I definitely feel like a lost soul for many reasons 💔.

Definitely want a physical and ebook copy at some point soonish.

Narration by the author is done wonderfully 👍🏼

[Ally Ang]

I hate to say it but this didn’t offer me much that’s new or surprising in terms of language, imagery, ideas, or arguments.

[Alexa]

I'm glad this book exists, and the parts I got through were lovely, but this collection of essays, poems, reflections, etc just wasn't working for my brain. A me thing, for sure.

[Courtney N]

4 stars ⭐️

“Choosing love is a practice”

“Your body is not an invitation for violence”

This was a gorgeous, raw, honest and emotional collection of poetry and letters that offered me new perspectives.

There were things in this collection that made me cry (ugly cry), things that made me smile, things that taught me, things that inspired me, things that made me think deeper, things that made me want to riot against all the ugliness and hate in this world, things that also made me want to embrace the love that lives in between it all.

The writing was beautiful in the way that you can tell the author has lived a life so full of complexities that many of us could never fully understand. But it was beautiful to witness in writing.

One of my initiatives with reading this year is to do so more diversely. Too many voices are trying to be silenced and while it may be small on my part right now, I want to fight back by being someone who is always willing to hear and share those voices.

[Bailey]

Beautifully written, very moving poetry collection from Kai Cheng-Thom. You do not have to share in her identity to be moved by her words. She knows how to beautifully tie in imagery, metaphor, references, and make the pieces each have their own unique magic. I took this one in small chunks, just a few poems at a time, because I wanted to sit with the impact that each one had on me. And truthfully, even as a cynic about humankind, I do feel a bit more in love with us.

[Amy Imogene Reads]

Fantastic collection of poems—actually “letters” to groups of people and individuals—all exploring the concepts of acceptance and love in all of its forms. This author’s exploration into what it means to be transgender, Chinese, and a sex worker all intersect in these poignant slices of feeling.

I really enjoyed this one.

[daemyra, the realm's delight]

Small volume of letters written to lost souls by a writer based in Toronto with a popular Instagram account with great posts. Picked this up on a whim.

I initially picked it up as inspiration for poetry to read in yoga classes I am teaching and there are some beautiful letters here. Some excellent sentences that pack such a punch.

Idk if it’s my period coming soon but did feel the urge to cry a few times, particularly for the letter addressed to TERFs. What I loved were the letters on revenge and vengeance and forgiveness.

[Leigh Kramer]

Impossibly beautiful essay collection by a Chinese Canadian trans poet and writer. I can only aspire to have this level of empathy.


Content notes: rape and sexual violence in sex work, suicide and suicide attempts, intimate partner violence, murder of trans people, child abuse, transmisogyny, homophobic and transphobic slurs, racism, gun violence, police brutality, family estrangement, physical assault, victim-blaming, AIDS epidemic, sex work stigma

[akacya ❦]

2023 reads: 386/350

this is a collection of love letters from the author, a chinese canadian transwoman, to various people/groups. it can be so easy to fall into the pits of cynicism and despair when thinking about the current state of this world. however, thom fights back these thoughts with words of hope and love. though this wasn’t written in the same form as many other poetry books are, it was still beautifully written and there were many quotes i took away from it.

[Riley (runtobooks)]

beautiful. no notes.

[Claire]

This was an incredibly powerful book. It is a collection of letters, many of which are addressed to folks that have hurt the author in different ways. All the letters are rooted in love and compassion, while not shying away from immense pain and grief. This book is a shining example of the ways in which trauma, anger, and fear can co-exist with love, compassion, empathy, and curiosity. It is a roadmap to forgiveness and healing in all its complexity. One of my greatest personal goals is to live up to this approach to life. Highly highly recommended.

[Kikkibird]

Good lord, Kai Cheng Thom’s writing just does it for me. Her prose is lyrical and honest and stripped bare, so full of emotion, vulnerability, introspection, and thoughtful analysis. In this collection of letters, she explores similar themes as in her series of essays, I Hope We Choose Love — gender, identity, belonging, anger, social justice and the movement’s dogma and unwritten rules, sisterhood, fear, and, of course, love. And she does so, once again, with nuance and care and softness and sharp edges. I laughed and cried and learned about her, the world, myself. I just can’t recommend this enough.

Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.

[Ameema S.]

This book took my breath away. Tender and heartfelt and stunning and devastating - full of love and rage and kindness and compassion. It defies genres, and defies simple explanation, this was a grand project, and an impactful one. The letters are poems are stories are prose are essays are calls to action are manifesto. Kai Cheng Thom puts words together beautifully. She makes magic, and I am so grateful for the chance to have read her words.

Can’t wait for the world to read this book!!

I received an advanced reading copy from the publisher, in exchange for my honest feedback.

[Zachary]

I got VERY philosophical reading this book last night, partly because I was slightly inebriated. But truly, I found this to be an interesting and introspective piece. I had myself questioning different aspects of my personal philosophy, the contradictions of my own and of the authors. I think human ideology is inherently contradictory, in regards to violence versus peaceful protest etc. A good read for me at this precise time. Maybe I'll come back.

[Hsinju Chen]

note: there's quite a lot of jkr stuff as one piece is dedicated to writing to her and another addressed to terfs

[dobbs the dog]

Received from the publisher and NetGalley, thanks!

I’m not sure that I have all the words I need to properly review this book.

It is absolutely gorgeous. I’ve only read one other book by Kai Cheng Thom and it was her fairly weird Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars. Falling Back in Love With Being Human is very, very different to that one, to the point that you can’t really compare them.

This book is a collection of letters, written to all sorts of people. There are letters to herself as a child, to johns (she previously worked as a sex worker), to TERFs, to the Animorphs, and many more. Thom is a trans woman and regardless of who she is writing letters to (including the transphobic author who shall not be named), her kindness and love shine so brightly through. These letters are absolutely beautiful, even when they are sad or tough to read, they are so beautiful. Also, at the end of each letter is a small action the author is asking you to take. They are more about reflecting on your own thoughts and actions, as opposed to going out into the streets to take action. They are both thoughtful and thought provoking and they really add to the overall feel of the book. I love them.

I highly recommend this book. It is a gentle and lovely read, and I think the title pretty much perfectly captures what the book is about and how it will make you feel.

[Jasmine]

Wow… this may be the most meaningful book I’ve read in long time, if not ever. I’m going to be thinking about this one indefinitely. Highly recommend.

[Valerie Day]

I, in fact, did not learn how to fall back in love with being human by listening to this book. I only finished it because it was a 2-hour listen. This book has everything I hate! Overwhelming sense of self importance, prose that claims its poetry but lacks any sort of poetic rigour, and unnecessary religiosity. The author has one of those valley girl accents. Wow :) I could not in good faith recommend this to anyone, not even my worst enemy. Could be used as a torture technique for the aforementioned group.
[A]

[Kristina]

I think the form held the content back. There were some really interesting and important threads of detail that I wish would’ve been fleshed out more. But because each letter was limited to 2-3 pages AND sought to tell a different story and end with a message, it left things feeling surface-level and disconnected to me.

[Beauregard Francis]

I don't think this book really succeeds at being poems or being essays. It felt like a saccharine personal growth/self-help book. Just didn't like it. Especially didn't like the weird little forgiveness activities in-between the poems. If you like self-help books and are spiritual this one is probably for you.

[disco]

you don't need to heal others to heal yourself, you can just heal yourself. you do not need to give love to others to love yourself, you can just love yourself.