The Worry-Free Parent: Living in Confidence So Your Kids Can Too

by Sissy Goff

Anxiety is not just an epidemic among our kids, but it's an epidemic among parents as well: One doesn't exist without the other. Your anxiety is contagious, and it's directly impacting your kids, distracting you in the present, and defining the future of your family.

But it doesn't have to be this way, assures veteran counselor and parenting expert Sissy Goff. With over 30 years of experience helping both children and adults, she offers you practical, well-researched tools that will make a difference in your life--and the lives of your children. You'll learn how to

- uncover the roots of your own anxiety
- process anxiety in healthy ways
- manage stress rather than passing it on
- model bravery
- and discover a place of deeper, more joyful connection to the moment and to your children

When you understand your past, you'll receive help for the present--and discover hope for the future. Here is the help you need to experience freedom from anxiety, raise confident, courageous kids, and become a worry-free family in an increasingly anxious world.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Christian, Family, Psychology, Audiobook, Faith

256 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2023

About the author

SISSY GOFF, M.Ed., LPC-MHSP spends most of her days talking with girls and their families, with the help of her counseling assistant/pet therapist, Lucy the Havanese. She has worked as the Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling at Daystar Counseling Ministries in Nashville, Tennessee since 1993, with a Master’s degree from Vanderbilt University. Sissy speaks to parents across the country and is the author of eleven books including Raising Girls. and her newest books, Raising Worry-Free Girls and Braver, Stronger Smarter (for elementary school girls) which will be released in September of 2019.

Sissy is a regular contributor to various podcasts and publications, including their own soon-to-be released podcast called Raising Boys and Girls. You can find more information and resources at www.raisingboysandgirls.com.

Reviews

[Laura Burkhart · Rating 3 out of 5]

Long review alert.
I have such mixed feelings on this book. I listened to it, and enjoyed that Sissy was the one reading it. It felt like a personal parenting conference! But throughout the book I swung back and forth on whether or not I agreed with the content.
I sure wish I had known some of Sissy’s advice from the time I was in early elementary school. Her help on calming down the mind and body is so beneficial. She suggested several things that I initially felt pretty unsure about—mindfulness, self care, and contemplative prayer for example. These things can certainly go in a direction I think is unhelpful and potentially dangerous, but once Sissy defined her terms, I could agree with what she was saying. Side note: I love that “square breathing” is also known as “combat breathing” and is used by navy seals. That’s pretty epic.
Other things I really liked and want to remember:
-when the Bible says do not fear, it always provides the context for WHY.
-God speaks most directly to me about my kids, not other people. I don’t need to consult a “committee” for approval on how God is leading us in parenting.
-The “help for your kids” section. Helping your kids by doing your own worry work, showing warmth, empathy and questions, letting them grow and go, and letting the bottom 20% go. These are hugely practical tips I want to consistently add into my parenting every day.

My biggest issue with this book is some of the theology it presented. While sometimes I could give a wholehearted amen, like when Sissy said our greatest need is JESUS and his grace, other times I found myself wincing a bit. Like when she said Jesus loves us, not for what we have done, but because of who we are. Nope-Jesus loves us because of who HE is! This showcases HIS glory and grace, and is so much better than believing that I am “enough.” We aren’t enough, that’s why we need Him!
Another section I disagreed with was when Sissy said I might be “the least of these” whom I am called to love. There just seemed to be such an emphasis on self. I believe the most helpful thing I can do is not gaze at myself to solve my problems, but to look to Christ. It is Christ I was made to worship and find my whole identity in, and loving myself more is never ever going to fulfill that longing in me.
A definite red flag for me was Sissy’s quoting of Richard Rohr.
There’s also a LOT of talk about the enneagram. It was sometimes hard to follow without knowing the ins and outs of each number, and I also am just not a fan of the whole concept of labeling yourself with personality tests, with specific concerns about the enneagram.
I was also bothered by Sissy saying we are the first generation of emotionally healthy parents. I just don’t see it. (An initial thought I have is that we are also the first generation of social media parents, which I believe can have very negative effects on the emotional health of kids and parents.) Although I do think there is benefit in the more recent push for emotional and mental health, and many people (including me) have been helped by it, I think at times the huge emphasis on feelings can do more harm than good. I think in the name of mental health, many people are letting their emotions be the “engine” not the “caboose.” (Sissy did briefly discuss this, a part I definitely agreed with.) Having read some wonderful books by Christians from prior centuries on emotions, fear, worry and spiritual warfare, I’m not ready to say we’re the first generation to have emotional well-being figured out.
I really respect Sissy and think she has a wealth of knowledge and understanding of kids and their parents, (and also, she’s just the sweetest.) but there are too many concerns here that keep me from fully embracing this book.

[LeahBethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Worry Free Parent had a lot of great points and advice. I appreciate the author's encouragement and perspective on parenting. I've been recommending it to fellow mothers and they have enjoyed it too!

[Mary Cate LeBoeuf · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and felt it gave awesome right-in-the-moment practicals and Gospel encouragement that has already started to change how I parent. I’m so glad I read this one.

[Rebekah McGee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I attended sissy’s 1.5 hour session on becoming a “worry free woman” which was a great overview of this book. I’ve struggled with anxiety my whole life and am no stranger to Christian books about anxiety. I am a social worker and attend therapy regularly -so not everything in this book was “new” or surprising but it was told in a helpful way. There was a breakdown about what are our reasons for worry, how to work against it, and how to incorporate your faith in that battle. I’ve already stopped to incorporate her language in my head this week when I had a few stressful experiences. Flip the script! Understand the context! What am I believing to be long term consequences (ie my kid being a picky eater will mean she is unable to function in society lol). Great book for anybody.

[Megan Bevers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, what an amazing book. Even if you think you don't struggle with anxiety, this is a great read to understand how anxiety builds up and how it affects those around us. Great tools and strategies to manage anxiety, even if you're not a parent. This is not just a how to parent book. It's a how to human book.

[Riley Cooper · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’re a parent, stop what you’re doing right now and READ THIS BOOK. I didn’t think I struggled with worry — but we all do to some extent. Really loved the ideas, concepts, and TRUTH that Sissy brings out in this book.

[Taylor Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5– took a little off because because I felt like Sissy mentioned the enneagram a little too much. BUT this book is a gift to parents and guardians. I listened to the audiobook and it was like a 8-hour counseling session. I learned a lot about myself, my parents, how I was raised, and how to interact with my children now and in the future as they get older. The were so many nuggets and takeaways. But one of the biggest ones for me was to not deny/shut down my kids’ intuition because then as they grow up they won’t trust themselves and nudges from the Spirit. For example- if they ask uncomfortable/inconvenient questions, sense something is off in a situation, don’t brush it off. Take the time to acknowledge and answer the question/concern in an age appropriate way.

This book is for every parent/guardian, even if you don’t consider yourself as someone who worries.

[Chelsea Connor · Rating 5 out of 5]

So so thankful for Sissy Goff and her ministry to parents and kids!!!! A must read for parents. It’s practical, so wise, and incredibly helpful. I will keep revisiting this one.

[Natacha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I agree with some of the previous reviews. As a therapist, the author offers some great insights and really understands how our current society affects parenting on a whole. Our anxiety (whether we are conscious of it or not) births anxiety in our children. I wouldn’t say she provides tangible steps to “cure” our anxiety (in fact she claims that anxiety has no cure) but she does help us to recognize and name our own fears and anxieties. Knowing there is a problem is half the solution!
But where the author went wrong, was in trying to include her own theology. She relies too heavily on The Message, which is a paraphrased version of the Bible, and quotes people who are do not entirely identify as “Christian” to begin with, to support her analysis of what the Bible has to say about anxiety.
Everyone is entitled to believe what they want, but unless they have a firm grasp and understanding of what the Bible says, they should leave their opinion out.
This is not to say she got it all wrong, but there were several questionable and even flat out incorrect statements about what the Bible teaches on the matter.
This book didn’t have to be a Christian book in order for me to read it. Her knowledge and expertise were the added value. The rest was quite disappointing.

[Rachyl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is designed to help you wade through the complexities of parenting and the anxiety that comes along with it. Written from a Christian perspective, yet full of tools any parent can use, it is an encouraging and extremely helpful book

The worry-free parent is going to be a top five book for 2024, I can already tell. It is designed to be like you are going to counseling, and I must say that I truly felt as if I discovered a lot about my own anxiety and the anxiety I see in my kids. It helped me to peel back the layers of what tendencies, boundaries, and fears anxiety has produced in my life, tracing all the way back to my teenage years. Anxiety has been an ever-present companion whispering fears, doubts, and lies into my ears for as long as I can remember. This is one of the only books I have read that I felt truly “understood” me and gave me grounding reminders and tools to combat anxiety. I hadn’t realized when I started it that there was a workbook you can do separately or alongside the book. I am excited to start the workbook soon!

I highly recommend for ALL parents, not just Christians who struggle with anxiety, because I think we all worry more than we care to admit. Worrying points towards the fact that we care and are trying to do our best for our kids, but it is something that can easily take the steering wheel in our parenting and cause us to parent out of unhealthy fears and anxieties. If you are a parent and can only make time to read one non-fiction book this year, let it be this one!

[Natalie Herr · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really helpful stuff on how our anxiety as parents is connected to the anxiety our kids experience. If you have an anxious kid and do not think you are also anxious, this would be a great read.

[Paige Bolin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED this book. I listened to the audio and it felt like a 7 hour therapy session that also encouraged me in my marriage and my parenting. The Worry Free takeaways at the end of each chapter are GOLD. Highly recommend whether you deal with anxiety or not.

[Meghann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sissy is a calm voice for my parenting, and I appreciate her years of experience and the wisdom she shares from her counseling background.

[Ellie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book is a gift. So compassionate and deeply encouraging without skirting hard truths. I cried my way through it.

[Meredith Devore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sissy Goff, what a gift. Such helpful, practical, and encouraging wisdom in this whole book. I know I’ll come back to it over and over.

[Caitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A few ideas I couldn’t wholeheartedly endorse (or just felt they needed more nuance), but on the whole, a ton of really great nuggets in here. An encouraging read for me! I listened to the audiobook which is recorded by the author, in the sweetest southern drawl. ☺️

[Joanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

God knew I needed to finish this book tonight instead of when we first started this book as a book club. Spoke straight to my anxious heart. Thank you, Sissy!

Practical. Not condemning. Gracious.

[Rachel]

I think this book would be better when your child is not just 5 weeks old haha so while in theory I’m the target audience, it wasn’t for me 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Kelsey Carter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whew- good one!

[Amber Allen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I mean talk about a lifeline and a beacon of hope. I have anxiety that got significantly worse in the last 10 years, especially because I’ve had 3 kids. Sissy communicates resources and tools with such compassion and empathy. It is truly like she is sitting across from you and smiling into your eyes. Thank you, Sissy. You and Daystar are having a huge impact on the next generation and their parents.

[Laura Friedberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sissy Goff is just the best. She’s able to speak truth (backed with behavioral science and statistics) and provide real concrete tools while covering all of it with so much grace and empathy and zero guilt. She is a such a gift to Christian parents! Highly recommend this book for anxious parents, especially ones who struggle with perfectionism.

[Brittany Campbell · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn’t even finish this book, which made me sad because it sounded like she might have had some good practical advice for parents who worry. In the beginning of the book she quotes Richard Rhor, who is a “Christian mystic” and espouses universalism, both of which would fall outside the realm of orthodoxy. This automatically had my radar up.

Then she talks about using the enneagram to help people understand themselves better. The enneagram, again, has its roots in mysticism. Please research its origins before getting involved in it. I do believe our personalities play a crucial role in how we respond to stress and trauma, however we don’t need to use systems that are explicitly forbidden in scripture in order to better understand ourselves.

As she is a Christian counselor, I was waiting to hear about our sin nature, or God’s sovereignty, or even the temptations of Satan or our own deceitful hearts. However, up until the point I had to set it aside, I never once heard God even mentioned. The only thing of a spiritual nature mentioned is a vague reference to heaven.

I also disagreed with her claim about this being the first generation of healthy parents. And the idea that each generation is improving. If this statement is true, the fruit would bear it out in kids being less anxious and more emotionally stable, but the opposite is true. This is the most defiant and anxious generation we have seen yet. I think there is a middle ground to be found in parenting that we have yet to fully embrace. One that best emulates Christ in holding firm authority, boundaries, and providing consequences when necessary, while still infusing grace and mercy into all of our interactions. Paul David Tripp has excellent resources on how to do this well.

As a Christian, I cannot in good conscience recommend a book written by another Christian that so heavily deviates from biblical principles. If you are a Christian looking for a book on anxiety, I highly recommend Ed Welch’s Running Scared.

[Tiffany · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt mixed about this book. I love Sissy Goff & David Thomas’ work at Daystar and have enjoyed their other books. Listening to Sissy’s voice felt like a warm hug for parents. I thought the calm down tools and lists in this book were really helpful and applicable! I’ll definitely return to some of them over the years. You can tell she’s an expert in her field and knows how to talk to parents well.

I didn’t love how she relied heavily on the enneagram and Message version of the Bible. I also wish she pointed to Jesus and how we abide in the Lord more than self care and rest. I don’t think her theology was off, it just lacked taking the time to connect it to the Bible and how it informs our walk as believers.

[Rachel Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

“We can’t be Jesus to our kids, but we can need Jesus in front of them.”

[Tiffany · Rating 1 out of 5]

Started and was only able to read a couple of chapters. I was getting anxiety by reading about anxiety!! Not worth it!

[Liza Tabita · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book a lot! All the scientific information and resources were great. It offers helpful insights about how an anxious parent affects a child.
The problem I had was with “ the voice of anxiety and worry “. Almost all the books talks about anxiety as a person. As a Christian I can not ignore the devils work behind these feelings. The lies we tell ourselves when we are anxious are from the father of all lies. The author mentions this briefly and also the fact that people get sometimes offended when they hear that this things come from the devil.
Overall a great book that helps you take a better look at how anxiety and worry show through your behavior and your kids feelings and actions.

[Beth Haynie · Rating 4 out of 5]

4. Lots of good advice on combating anxiety in my own life and healing my own hurts in order to be a better parent for my child. I really liked that there are practical tips and suggestions not just research and theory. And of course reliance on the Gospel to have true freedom.

My biggest problem is the heavy reliance on the enneagram as a way to define identity. With its questionable proponents and origins it makes me sad that Sissy and others like her value it so highly. I personally love learning about myself but my identity is in Christ and who He says I am, not a number made up by man.

[Elena Wrye · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a sweet and enlightening read! I listened to it, and having Sissy read it herself was a joy - it felt as if you were there in her counseling office with her. However I could see how a hard copy could be handy as there was a lot of information that came through in some chapters - psychology terms for example. A lot of encouraging insight into how things in life and thought process patterns can trigger certain behavior in you (if it’s negative, how to change that to positive), and how that can happen with kids as well. Very Biblically based counsel, too. I recommend!

[Jessica Walkup · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has given me so much more to think about than I was originally expecting. Starting the book, I didn’t think I really had anxiety so it might not be that helpful to me. As I got further into the book, I realized that my anxiety was only masked and presenting more often as anger. I discovered things about myself and had so many mind-blowing moments of clarity and quotes I had to reread over and over to let them fully sink in. This will have a permanent spot on my bookshelf to reference again and I am purchasing the accompanying workbook for further depth!

[Laura Paik · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great and resourceful book for any parent of adolescents, either you or your child who may experience anxiety and worry. I have heard Sissy Goff and Dave Thomas from Daystar counseling on various podcasts and their own “Raising Boys and Girls”, so I was familiar with their voices and have found their insight very encouraging and helpful. However, I personally did not relate to much of the book in my current stage of life, as my little one is still a toddler, but may return later to the book for some tools that she advises that can be helpful. Check out their podcasts, they are great summaries or nuggets of wisdom for your stage of life!

Great solid, truth-driven, counseling tools. Thank you for the resource, Sissy Goff!