Just Shy Of Ordinary

by A.J. Sass, P.J. Morgan (Narrator)

In this heartfelt novel about family, friendship, and identity perfect for fans of The List of Things That Will Not Change and Ivy Aberdeen's Letter to the World, a thirteen-year-old nonbinary kid discovers that life doesn't always go according to plan—especially when they start public school for the first time.

Thirteen-year-old Shai is an expert problem-solver. There’s never been something they couldn’t research and figure out on their own. But there’s one thing Shai hasn’t been able to logic their way through: picking at the hair on their arms.

Ever since their mom lost her job, the two had to move in with family friends, and the world went into pandemic lockdown, Shai’s been unable to control their picking. Now, as the difficult times recede and everyone begins to discover their “new normal,” Shai’s hoping the stress that caused their picking will end, too.

After reading that a routine can reduce anxiety, Shai makes a plan to create a brand new normal for themself that includes going to public school. But when their academic evaluation places them into 9th grade instead of 8th, it sets off a chain of events that veer off the path Shai had prepared for, encouraging Shai to learn how to accept life's twists and turns, especially when you can't plan for them.

Genres: Middle Grade, LGBT, Jewish, Contemporary, Queer, Mental Health, Fiction

Audible Audio

First published January 30, 2024

About the author

A. J. Sass (he/they) is an author whose narrative interests lie at the intersection of identity, neurodiversity, and allyship. He is the critically acclaimed author of the ALA Rainbow Book List Top 10 titles Ellen Outside the Lines, which was also a Sydney Taylor Honor Book, and Ana on the Edge, as well as the co-author of Camp QUILTBAG (with Nicole Melleby). All three books are Junior Library Guild Gold Standard selections.

A. J. is the author of the upcoming middle-grade book Just Shy of Ordinary (Little, Brown, 2024), and a contributor to the This Is Our Rainbow (Knopf Books for Young Readers), Allies (DK/Penguin Random House), and On All Other Nights (Abrams, 2024) anthologies. His debut picture book with illustrator Noa Kelner, Shabbat Is ..., also releases from Little, Brown in fall 2024.

When he’s not writing, A. J. figure skates and travels as much as possible. He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his husband and two cats who act like dogs. Visit him online at sassinsf.com and follow him @matokah on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram.

Reviews

[Scottsdale Public Library · Rating 5 out of 5]

This middle-grade novel is full of depth! Shai, a nonbinary homeschool student, is navigating the challenges of starting public school (and skipping a year ahead), making new friends, exploring their Jewish heritage, and managing anxiety. It might sound like a lot to tackle, but A.J. Sass handles it beautifully, creating a compelling and enjoyable read. – Diana F.

[Rachel Stine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Three Kleenex Box Sob Fest

This book made me cry at least four separate times and always in the right way. As a non-binary (even if i didn’t have words to explain it yet) reformed Jew, I never saw books about people like me as a kid. It’s so wonderful to find great stories with this kind of representation.

[Eliott · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Little, Brown Books for Young Readers for letting me read an ARC of this book through NetGalley!

Just Shy of Ordinary
Overall Rating: ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ .5 (4.5/5) or 9.00/10 overall

Characters - 9
The characters in this book were amazing. Each of them had their own unique personality and many had personal growth along the way.

Atmosphere - 9
The atmosphere was pleasant and relatively peaceful. While there were a few touches on deeper topics, there was still a hopeful ending.

Writing - 9
A. J. Sass's writing style always leaves me thoroughly engaged in their books. He has enough description to picture the environment and characters, but also enough action to keep the story moving.

Plot - 8
I enjoyed the overall plot of this story. It had its fair share of unique experiences combined with everyday moments that helped to make it more relatable. The only thing that curbed my enjoyment in terms of the plot was the ending. It was heartfelt, but it left some threads of the story still unsolved that I would've liked to have seen play out. Maybe a sequel would clear up the final plot points? 👀

Intrigue - 9
I was intrigued from the start by this book. I loved Ana on the Edge, Ellen Outside the Lines, and Camp Quiltbag, so I knew I had to read this as soon as I heard about it.

Logic - 9
I liked that the problems in this book were solved realistically and the overarching idea of "it is ok to reach out for help from others" really resonated with me.

Enjoyment - 10
I enjoyed this book from start to finish. I would totally recommend it to anyone who asks me what I thought, especially if they struggle with anxiety.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another win for A.J. Sass!

Shai is a genderqueer pansexual middle schooler about to go to public school for the first time. They aren't prepared for just how stressful public school would be and end up getting a bit buried in the workload of actual school work and building friendships along with getting used to not having the comfort and breaks of homeschool.

Shai also has OCD. They don't know exactly what to do about it or the exact terminology yet but they do know they struggle with picking and have developed a plan to fix it all.

This one is gonna make you cry. It tackles all sorts of topics including being queer and genderqueer as well as Jewish and having mental illness. It deals with friendships, new and old, and relationships with parents and grandparents. I would definitely classify this as a wholesome read but don't think that it's gonna leave you without shedding some tears.

My one thing is that I wish it was just a bit longer. Like a little more exploration with their mom and best friends at the end would've shoved it up to 5 star status for me.

[Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this middle grade novel about a nonbinary, genderfluid homeschooler, Shai, starting public school for the first time. Shai immediately makes two great friends, but they're unsure about sharing their pronouns just yet. For English class, Shai decides to explore their Jewish heritage. While their grandparents are active in the Jewish community, their mother is not for unknown reasons, and they haven't been raised Jewish. They hope to discover more about their heritage, but this seems to set their mother on edge. Meanwhile, they're keeping a secret from everyone. When their mother lost her job and the two moved in with Indigenous friends, Shai began picking at their arms.

This is a lovely novel.

[melhara · Rating 3 out of 5]

"I was going to fix this though. By creating a new normal, everything would reset. My plan consisted of the following to-do items, organized by season:
1. Spring - Come out as non-binary/gender-fluid
2. Summer - get a haircut that expresses who I am
3. Fall - attend public school instead of being homeschooled
a) make friends
b) excel in classes
4. Winter or sooner - no more arm sleeves or picking."

This story tackles a bunch of issues - Shai is a non-binary, gender-fluid 13-year-old who made a plan to solve their anxiety and stress (which has caused them to constantly self-harm by picking at the hair on their arms until their skin is scarred and splotchy) by "creating a new normal" (Note: this book is set right after the pandemic - remember when we used to always talk about what the 'new normal' would look like post-pandemic?). This includes leaving their homeschool environment (and leaving their best friend/housemate behind) and attending public school.

But no matter how much research Shai has done to prepare for public school, the change in environment is stressful. Shy ends up skipping a grade, doesn't know how to come out to their new friends, is struggling to maintain excellent grades in school, is trying to learn more about their Jewish heritage (and grappling with what it means to be queer and Jewish), to name a few of the challenges that Shai has to deal with.

This book covers many important topics (gender and sexual identity, anxiety, mental health, the stress that comes from fear of failure, friendships, religion, etc.) and I learned quite a bit about Jewish practices. Unfortunately, I feel like the story tried to tackle too many issues at once, which led to a very abrupt ending.

Audiobook comments:
I was not a fan of the narrator's cadence (they made everything sound way too serious), which definitely impacted my enjoyment of the story. I listened to the audiobook at x1.6 speed.

*** #6 of my 2024 Book Riot Read Harder Challenge - Read a middle grade book with an LGBTQIA main character. ***

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I saw this book recommended by someone on Instagram and was interested in checking it out. While it's for middle grade, it's easy for an adult to get into and enjoy.

I loved all the Jewish representation in the story, especially since Shai was not raised Jewish and was learning about it for the first time. I appreciated how things were explained clearly for someone who doesn't know much about Judaism.

The characters were great and I would love to see them again in another novel, perhaps focusing on Mille or Edie, but where we could also see what was going on in Shai's life.

I appreciated that there was a focus on anxiety, as Shai was going through a lot and determined to handle it on their own. There was a good emphasis on asking for help.

My only concern is that the Shabbat dinner did not include matzo ball soup. :) That is to say, I liked everything about this novel. It would be nice to have seen how Shai realized that they were non-binary, but it still explored how it was hard for Shai to come out to new people so that was good. I would have also liked an epilogue, as there was still so much more I wanted to read about after the story ended.

I hope people of all ages (from middle grade and up) will pick up this novel! You may even find yourself getting teary-eyed, like I did.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is just what older middle grade readers need! Shai loves to research and learn about new things. They also keep a journal of poetry, recording their thoughts and feelings. When Shai starts public school for the first time in order to have more structure and, hopefully, cure their trichotillomania, the anxiety revs up because they'll be in the 9th, not the 8th grade like they thought! Shai begins to struggle with balancing homework, old and new friends, researching Judaism, and talking to their mom about some important worries - things they have never had to deal with before. While there are several heavy topics in this novel, Sass handles them deftly without sounding too preachy. There is plenty of factual explantion for readers unfamiliar with topics like non-binary, anxiety, and anti-semitism. These facts could disturb the flow, but instead they stay true to Shai who loves research and shares many facts throughout the novel. While the topics are heavy, the relationships and dialogue amongst the characters lightens it and helps it feel managable. The characters are so relatable. What makes it perfect for older middle grade readers? Shai's age and grade , 13 and 9th grade, are underrepresented in middle grade books. Many of them are about younger characters that my 7th and 8th graders don't think they can relate to. This one hits the sweet spot with topics the older kids want to read about and writing that is more middle grade.

[RaspberryRoses]

A cute middle grade novel. I didn't like the poetry in it very much ,but since it was in-universe written by a 13 year old, I can forgive it.

I do feel like the novel was trying to do way too much, though. It handled the topics it covered with grace, but there were so many that I think it failed to go in-depth enough to be satisfying.

(Also, as a former homeschooled kid, it was nice to see homeschool rep + specifically secular homeschool rep. Although I wish the book pushed back against the idea that Shai needed to go to a public school to start this 'new normal'? I don't know. I think I might have too much baggage to be fair about this plot point, because I tried to go to public school for a 'new normal' of my own and it was one of the most miserable times of my life.)

[✧~grey~✧]

I'm so excited for this! Looking forward to next Jan! :)

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great book by A. J. Sass! It indeed takes a village to help raise a child but also to help each other in any family. A must-have for all libraries!

[Krys · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

[rowan ꩜]

aww, so excited!! this looks so cute :))

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The part about wanting to make their project about Judaism bc they didn't know much about it was very reminiscent of Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. What I most liked about this book is that depicted what it is like to be a gifted child at a young age and how a lot of kids don't have the right tools to handle that/get overwhelmed when they get older. I do think it's weird that they just let Shai skip 8th grade when they were only ever homeschooled... skipping a grade AND being introduced to traditional schooling would be too big of an adjustment to make at the same time. I also really liked how the author portrays daily anxiety and relief in terms of catastrophizing outcomes (me fr fr) and then realizing every single time that it actually turned out find (me fr fr) as opposed to most other middle grade books where the anxiety builds and builds until the very end. My main criticism would be that the mom's character seemed uneven, sometimes it really felt like she did not want Shai to learn about Judaism and other times she was more understanding. Mostly, the scene where she told Shai that they couldn't do Taschlich bc it was a "closed practice" (??????) came out of nowhere for me and then they never even brought it up again. I'm just not sure why the mom would make such a big deal out of doing something that you don't even need to be religious to do???

[Steph L · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great MG story.

Characters-9

Shai and their friends & family had fun personalities. I loved how each character in this had a unique personality, and something they were passionate about. I also loved the journey some of these characters went on.

Atmosphere-9

I liked the atmosphere in this book. I felt that the locations were described well, and added to my enjoyment of the story.

Writing-10

I love A.J. Sass as a writer. I love how he writes with a style that keeps the reader interested, and draws the reader into their world. I loved the style of this book and how we had diary entries mixed in with the of the story.

Plot-9

The plot to this one was interesting. I loved learn about the VIP projects, and how the dynamic between Shai, their mom, and the Martel's. As a Jewish person, I loved seeing the Jewish rep in this book. I also loved Shai's journey in this book.

Intrigue-8

This was an interesting story. The pace was a little so for me in the middle.

Logic-9

I saw the logic in this story.

Enojyment-9

I enjoyed this more than I thought I would. I had a fun time reading it.

[Sirah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Shy's arm sleeves hide a vicious secret: they have been anxiously picking their arm hairs, creating a painful rash. Fortunately, their best friend Mille is a bit of a fashion designer and is happy to unwittingly aid in this coverup. But Shy isn't planning to just hope the problem goes away. Instead, they make a plan, which includes a new environment, good friends, and complete honesty. But it's harder than it looks on paper.

There's a smidge more middle school drama than I prefer in this book, but I really love the characters, and I enjoyed getting to reminisce about places I've actually lived. There are a lot of clever sub-plots and thoughtful details. Overall, a welcome story with adequate representation for a gender fluid and pansexual young person.

[Liz Dzwonczyk · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is probably appropriate for late middle school to early high school or for an adult trying to learn about some of the potential challenges of a genderfluid child. The internal dialogue was tough to get through, but so is talking to a teenager, so I took it with a grain of salt.

Overall the book tried to tackle too many issues for me - gender fluidity, anti-semitism / exploring the role of religion in your life, anxiety disorder, family instability, transition in school modalities, dating / friend relationships, academic overachievement, and the fall out from the pandemic.

I was trying to find something that my child could read and learn from, but the incredible inter-lapping problems made this too difficult for a 10 year old to grasp. That’s really too bad because there doesn’t seem to be any early chapter book level reads that covers genderfluid and pansexual characters as real people.

[kieren · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF at 16% because the author is talking about ‘post-pandemic’ and yes i know it’s fiction but not only is this world clearly ours where the pandemic is NOT over after only one year and the attitudes of the characters towards the pandemic mirror minimizes and deniers in our real world which personally i don’t want to read, fuck you 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

They. It was a simple word, but it still sounded new and beautiful to me.

---
It's really hard to explain how safe it makes me feel to when people use my correct pronouns, and how much of a bummer it is to be called "he."

[Eva B.]

Books about going to school while dealing with anxiety will always have a special place in my heart; cannot WAIT for this one <3

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

It made me tear up so it gets five stars.

[Ian Hrabe · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a great way to introduce middle grade readers to non-binary orientation (and it helped me better understand it as well).

[August ✡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was wholesome and equally important. I wish it was a bit longer!
4.25/5 stars.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very sweet middle grade book with diverse cast and great mental health representation!

[Lily Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good interesting read. Shows how to cope and that it is always okay to ask for help.

[Ms. Yingling · Rating 3 out of 5]

Public library copy

[Deke Moulton · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful book!!!

I loved how Shai tried to tackle all of their problems alone, and even though it feels like there must be 'something wrong with you' when your best efforts don't solve the problem, it was so refreshing to see Shai learn to allow other people to help.

The story felt very gentle -- a first public school experience (and skipping forward a grade!) didn't result in bullying or mean kids or feeling left out -- Shai made some quick friends who were genuine and sweet.

The budding romance was SO ADORABLE and so sweet and so many things about this book could be summed up this way -- it was soft, with problems arising that often had very gentle, soft resolutions. Even when the book introduces antisemitic acts, which were scary, I felt so confident that Sass would bring me back to a nice, gentle resolution and he did!

Needed this book SO much. It's comforting and sweet and felt like a hug of a book -- that the best way to be your best self is to not try to take on the world alone. So much love for this one.

[Río · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved reading about this nonbinary teen! Shai loved being taught at home by their mom, but changes in the past year have made things tough. Not to worry though, because Shai has a plan to get things back under control. Stage one of that plan? Go to public school.

This book deals with many things that 13-year olds deal with: mounting academic pressure, anxiety, relationships changing (both romantic and platonic), and identity. Shai has the added challenge of being genderfluid and trying to figure out how to communicate that without being ostracized for being different, working to hide skin sores from anxious picking, and trying to learn about their Jewish heritage for a school project.

Overall, as a formerly homeschooled nonbinary peep myself, I could really related to Shai's worries and wonderings. Far too often people talk about "coming out" like it is a one time thing, when, especially for genderqueer people, it can be something you face daily, which can be exhausting. I loved how realistic the relationships felt, including how even the most valued relationships can shift over time and the challenges that can bring.

I would recommend this book to anyone who reads juvenile fiction, as well as anyone who is queer struggles with being different from those around them.

[Chrissy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just Shy of Ordinary is well written and an excellent depiction of a young teen learning to be themselves in a wider world. Shai is a well developed character as are the friends and family around them. I appreciated several very specific things that ring true. Shai is very clear that while their anxiety symptoms developed at the same time they came out to family as genderfluid, the anxiety was not caused by their identity; something it might be important for readers to hear. The author was also wise to include the fact that knowing one of their friends is a lesbian, and the other's parents are gay, did not necessarily make their coming out as genderfluid easier. Lastly, it was nice to read a novel that acknowledes the stress and fear of coming out, while also making the experience feel mostly positive, and overall a pretty normal experience for a young teen. It's possible the mostly accepting reactions by all the adults in the story might be a bit unrealistic, I feel like its not unlikely, and young readers can benefit from reading it.

[Alison Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

My feelings, they are mixed.

There's a lot about this book that I appreciated and liked. The more the better when it comes to middle grade books about topics like mental health, gender and sexuality, difficult family relationships, etc. I liked that Shai already knows their identity pretty well, even if they are still figuring every aspect of it out, and that they don't let other people define them. I also thought the depiction of trichotillomania was well done. As someone who has suffered with trich for many years and who pulled from my scalp so much I was nearly fully bald, the moments of Shai picking at their arm hair without even realizing it until it started to hurt hit home hard. And their need for it when their anxiety was spiking was also very authentic and familiar. Compulsive disorders like skin-picking and hair-pulling nearly always develop co-morbidly with anxiety or panic disorder, as well as other mental health conditions (in my case, anorexia nervosa). And while I am mostly better, I still pull, and especially when my anxiety, which is always at about a 5 or 6 on a 1-to-10 scale, is spiking even more. So a lot of those scenes felt very real and true to me, and I was glad to see that because I'm sure there are a lot of kids around Shai's age who struggle with stuff like this and might feel less alone after reading this book, and hopefully also might feel comfortable enough to approach someone for help.

I also loved Nia and Edie and thought they were great friends for Shai, kind and sweet and the exact kind of friends I would want for a real-life kid going through some of the things Shai was. I liked that strong depiction of that kind of natural friendship that can occur at that age, where as soon as you meet someone, you feel at ease with them and you just click. Shai needed that in their life and I was glad they had it. I also appreciated the complex relationship they had with Mille, a sort of friend-brother in a way, and how the two of them clearly care for and support the other but were both struggling so much that sometimes it spilled over and caused some hurt. That's totally natural and normal, and I appreciated how they both handled it.

However...I have a very big issue with the depiction of Judaism in the book. The author is Jewish, and I am not one to ever cast doubt on someone's Jewish identity, but...the author did that in this book! While not seeming to understand his own religion! And it frustrated me deeply because, based on just statistics and how few of us there are in the world, the majority, probably by a large margin, of readers of this book are not going to be Jewish, and they will come away from it with some very skewed and plain inaccurate ideas about the religion. When Shai's mom is basically telling them that Shai isn't really Jewish because they weren't raised with the religion, that is garbage. Judaism is matrilineal, and if your mother is Jewish, you are, period. Now yes, that is mentioned, but then is immediately undercut. Their mom is like "well technically yes but" -- no. No buts about it. And for eff's sake, we're talking about Reform Judaism! In most Reform synagogues, you don't even have to have a Jewish mom. If your mother is not Jewish but your father is and you are raised with the religion, most Reform communities will accept you as Jewish. But here was their mom being like "you don't count though" which is flat wrong. There are some parts of some Orthodox communities that look down on Reform Jews and don't consider us "real Jews", but that's crap and I was perturbed that the author was perpetuating such a thing. The mention of "well you're not part of a community" -- like, what? I want to ask the author, what about Jews who live in tiny towns in the Midwest where they might be the only Jewish family around, with no synagogue within 50 miles? Do they not count? What about disabled Jews like myself who can't go to services or celebrate most of the holidays? Do we not pass as "really Jewish" because we're not in a community? NO. We are all, as we say, members of the tribe. It was gross to me that Shai's mom was invalidating their identity.

Especially when we get confirmation that the mother is pissy with the religion because, in her telling, when she got pregnant with Shai in college, "many people" in the congregation shunned her for getting pregnant young and unmarried, and were upset that she was dating a non-Jewish man. IN A REFORM SYNAGOGUE??? No. Are you kidding? There are MANY Reform Jews who marry outside the religion, including my own dang mother. We don't have rules about sex before marriage or anything like that. Sure, some older folks in the congregation might have some old-fashioned notions about it, but so what? If a few old biddies got upset, big deal, ignore them. The idea that Shai's mom was like pushed out of the synagogue for that is ludicrous, and the fact that it made her hostile toward the entire religion was offensive. Despite what antisemites want to believe, Judaism is not a punitive mean religion. We don't punish people for misdeeds, we don't excommunicate. And certainly a Reform synagogue wouldn't do so.

Then when Shai's mom is explaining "open" versus "closed" practice, it again felt like the author doesn't understand these terms. Judaism as a whole is a closed practice, meaning our traditions and holidays and such are not for anyone else to take up (and yes, that includes you, Messianic Jews, aka Christians, GFY). But the mom acts like there are parts of it that are "open" like playing dreidel (which...sure maybe, but if you're a Christian family and I see a video of your kids playing dreidel, I'm side-eyeing you so hard) and other parts that are "closed" like Tashlich. And then tells Shai, A JEWISH KID NO MATTER WHAT THIS DUMB MOM THINKS, that they cannot do Tashlich because they aren't Jewish enough. Nooooooooo. Wrong. My Lord. And then the teacher says Shai doesn't have enough "personal connection" to Jewish holidays to write about them, which is also crap, because the essays could have been about Shai's exploration of their religion, about their process of learning more and gaining a deeper understanding of who they are and their connection to the history of our people. I mean, I wasn't alive during the Holocaust, but it is absolutely something "personal" to me as a member of this nation of Jews. Every Jew is connected to every other Jew and the heritage of Judaism belongs to all of us. Also, WTF was up with Shai's grandparents keeping a "looser version" of kosher???? Most Reform Jews do not keep kosher at all, and if you do, you do all of it. There was NO explanation of what that meant and it was weird.

Ugh, this is going on way longer than I wanted. I just think the author needs to do some serious soul-searching and self-educating about their own religion, and should stop perpetuating inaccuracies and things that feed into bigotry against us as a people.

Anyway...I liked most of the book, but really did not appreciate some of it. I'll give it three stars but the two docked stars are heavy, okay?