Not All Black Girls Know How to Eat: A Story of Bulimia

by Stephanie Covington Armstrong

Stephanie Covington Armstrong does not fit the stereotype of a woman with an eating disorder. She grew up poor and hungry in the inner city. Foster care, sexual abuse, and overwhelming insecurity defined her early years. But the biggest difference is her race: Stephanie is black.
 
In this moving first-person narrative, Armstrong describes her struggle as a black woman with a disorder consistently portrayed as a white woman’s problem. Trying to escape her selfhatred and her food obsession by never slowing down, Stephanie becomes trapped in a downward spiral. Finally, she can no longer deny that she will die if she doesn’t get help, overcome her shame, and conquer her addiction to using food as a weapon against herself.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Mental Health, Psychology, Race, Self Help, Mental Illness

272 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Stephanie Covington Armstrong is a playwright and screenwriter living in Los Angeles. Her commentary on black women and eating disorders, "Digesting the Truth," was featured on NPR. She has written for Essence, Sassy, Mademoiselle, and Venice magazines, among other publications. She authored the screenplay for Contradictions of the Heart (20th Century Fox), starring Vanessa Williams, and her plays Three Stories Down, The Outside Sisters, and The Long Journey Home have been performed in theaters in Los Angeles and New York. Her essay on bulima, "Fear and Loathing," is included in the forthcoming anthology The Black Body.

Reviews

[Wagatwe Wanjuki · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was a let down. I could not relate to the author and I did not really like how she shared her experiences; for some reason I just could not connect with the writing style or events. I kept waiting for it to get better and it just never did. To make it worse, it abruptly ended with a quick, cliche "oh look how wonderful my life is!" chapter. The whole book had this weird distance to it. It lacked the intimacy I enjoy when reading eating disorder memoirs. Definitely would not recommend this to anyone.

eta: I also found how she used her story of how a boyfriend hit her once and then left him to be a major turn off. She mentioned how her sister "let" herself be abused, which makes the author's eating disorder comparable to her sister "choosing" abusive relationships. I think it shows a lack of understand of abusive relationships and that bit had an overall victim-blaming tone to it. People don't "choose" to be abused nor do they "let" it; that would imply that abuse was the responsibility of the abused to prevent, which is simply not true.

[Elevate Difference · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I was growing up, I thought of bulimia and anorexia as "White girl problems." Through the media and interaction with peers, I had been given the impression that Black women did not experience body image issues or struggle with eating disorders. As I got older, I realized that these assumptions were wrong, but I still could not find stories of African American girls or women who had contended with anorexia, bulimia, or compulsive overeating.

In Not All Black Girls Know How to Eat, Armstrong tells her story of growing up poor and hungry in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn and Norfolk, Virginia. Armstrong's childhood is transient—her mother moves her and her sisters often—and characterized by a constant hunger for food, love, and acceptance. She writes of choosing her childhood friends based on their afternoon snacks and the content of their refrigerators. Armstrong endures foster care and is sexually molested by an uncle when she's a preteen. The emotional pain and sense of betrayal eventually leads her to compulsive overeating and bulimia in isolation. She continues to live out the transience of her childhood by moving back and forth from New York City to Los Angeles while trying to escape herself and her disease.

Armstrong experiences difficulty in finding help with her disorder; she writes of a particular incident in which she is treated like an oddity because of her race. To make matters worse, Armstrong feels the need to keep the secret of her bulimia from her family and friends because she wants to project an image of a strong Black woman to the world, even while going home at night to binge and purge. Thankfully, Armstrong eventually recovers through attendance at twelve step programs and support from her family and friends.

Not All Black Girls Know How to Eat is an important contribution to writings on anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating and body image among women of color. Armstrong presents an example of how a woman can free herself of food addiction and help others by telling her story.

Review by Rekesha Spellman

[Ryan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted this to stick it's landing but ultimately, the last third of the book really dulled the impact of it. The first 2/3 were very engaging and empathetic, with a bit of humor and grace. The last third, however, felt like it hit the very familiar notes of the 12 Step Recovery story, complete with finding God and rock bottom and all of that.

It didn't help that she's openly antagonistic toward her mother's left politics throughout the book. Her mother, actually, was the most sympathetic character, in some respects - or at least the one I related to most. Stephanie ends up marrying a white Republican and makes it a 'whodathunkit!' point, when that really hurts my ability to view her in a positive light.

But the first 2/3 were really good, so regardless of the my feelings on the last third, I'm still giving it a marginally positive review. But the last thing the world needs is more agitprop for anti-communism and 12 Step Success Stories. So I'm definitely conflicted.

[K B · Rating 3 out of 5]

[3.5 stars]. This book had really great elements, but it was not a hardcore page turner for me. I was so eager to pick up a book that dealt with the seriousness of eating disorders in the black community, but this book did not fully deliver. Though I enjoyed the book and finished it rather quickly, I did find the author a bit detached and cold in her retelling.

[Izzy Gallanar · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly powerful narrative of Armstrong’s life. I chose to read this book for one of my courses as a Master’s student in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Though it had little to do with counseling as a profession, Armstrong’s journey and self-reflection was incredible to witness. From early on, we see how food represented so much to her: power, safety, security, love, etc. It was an honor to read her story of powerlessness, shame, abuse, and trauma, and to see how through vulnerability, sharing her truth, and searching within, that she was able to slowly regain freedom from her eating disorder. I’m really glad I picked this book 👍

[Tessa Leake · Rating 4 out of 5]

A detailed insight in to one woman’s path to the brutal disease of Bulimia. Great to see the perspective of a POC and something I hope we see more of. Eating disorders are commonly thought of as a ‘white woman’s problem’. I’m interested to do more reading in to why the black community are more likely to be misdiagnosed or not taken as seriously as their white counterparts when it comes to this issue.

[Mwayi Louise Gowelo · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very raw memoir that illustrates the author's struggle with bulimia, poverty, rape, mental illness and dysfunctional relationships. I particularly liked the exploration of eating disorders among the black community because it's something that's often disregarded.

[Lucy Welch]

Damn. Really refreshing to hear someone talking so rawly about their eating disorder, not only in how it relates to their childhood, but just the ugly truths of the disorders themselves. Really glad I read it, honestly surprised at the level and quality of shaky emotions it brought up around my own experiences…Humbling!!

[Tiara M · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5…interesting perspective…wanted more about her life toward the end but overall good read.

[Claire · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was an interesting book in that it exposes a lot of the current cultural conceptions of eating disorders: that they're addictions, they are at least in part caused or exacerbated by the media and its obsession with thinness, they can be traced back to trauma in childhood, and they're the domain of white, privileged, teenaged girls. The author very clear fights back against that last point, which is probably the most compelling part of this memoir and I wish it had been explored more. I know this isn't a theory book, but the belief that people of colour cannot get eat disorders is never really analyzed; the problem and its negative effects on her is simply described. Maybe that's all the author sought to do, but regardless, as the only interesting part of the book for me, it felt a little lacking.

As for the rest of the book: really not great. Her writing is incredibly average, both in style and emotion. Even the most emotional scenes fell flat; while I understand the need to emotionally distance oneself from incredibly painful memories, it did make for a poor reading experience. I do genuinely appreciate that it must have been incredibly difficult for her to revisit her trauma and commend her for doing so. Still, it did not make for good literature. In addition, I was really put off by some of her beliefs. The lesbophobia (stating that one bad girlfriend should have "cured" her mother of being gay, saying that it didn't make sense and was the "path of most resistance") and biphobia (randomly stating that she hadn't been able to satisfy an ex-boyfriend because he was bi) completely threw me off, especially as she espoused being more accepting than her sisters. Having an eating disorder does not make you fatphobic, but I really got the sense that she is fatphobic (frequently stating it as a negative trait in other people). The ending was unbelievably unsatisfactory as well. She very superficially describes her recovery: going to meetings, finding a "higher power," having a "tough love" sponsor. It describes the mechanics of recovery but never the deep-seated feelings beyond. And that she never goes into what her therapy was like is odd to me since it's clear that her therapist has greatly informed a lot of what she thinks about her past and where her eating disorder came from. The whole "I'm perfectly cured now with a daughter and a Republican husband" was just so off-putting. Of course, that is her life, I don't fault her for describing what her reality is. It just seemed like such an abrupt leap from "bingeing/purging all day every day, went to some meetings for while, now life is perfect." Of course that couldn't have been the reality, but the writing made it seem like that.

It was interesting learning about her life, because she has had a quite dramatic life. But simply being interested in the facts of someone's past shouldn't comprise the entirety of a memoir - there should be some depth, some insight beyond "trauma led in part to me developing an eating disorder." I really wish I'd liked this more, because the issue of stereotyping eating disorders is such a huge problem, but this memoir left much to be desired.

[Kerri Killeen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found it hard to get through this book; it was not what I expected. The book posits itself as "A story of Bulima" but the first two-thirds of the book focus on Covington Armstrong's childhood and only the last third really gets into her experience with her eating disorder. While childhood experiences and trauma are contributing factors, the focus felt off. Once her experiences with bulimia and anorexia came up, they felt rushed and many parts glossed over.

Often, events felt skipped over and I'd find myself turning back to see if I forgot something. It's important to share stories like Covington Armstrong's, but this delivery was lacking. The ending emphasis on 12-Step programs as a path to recover would have benefited from additional unpacking and contextualization about why and how 12-Step programs do and do not work.

[Diana Townsend · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a powerful story about a woman of color who suffers from what is considered a whiten woman's disease: bulimia. It takes awhile to actually get to the eating disorder, but her disordered childhood is just as interesting and appalling. Her recovery is simplified but that's to be expected when wrapping up a book. Overall, it was a good read. Not graphic enough to be considered triggering but real enough to make me believe she went through it.

[Brittany · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars* The beginning of the book was entrancing, however, once we got closer to (and into) her addiction she began to lose me. I agree with other reviews that note that her view towards her sister's abusive relationships were troublesome since it indicated a belief that abusive relationships were a choice.

[MadOnReading · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book as part of my MA in Creative Writing as I'd chosen to examine race within eating disorder representation in YA novels. While this book isn't YA or a novel, I found Stephanie Covington Armstrong's memoir extremely helpful for my assignment in which I was arguing that a lot of YA depictions not only gender eating disorder as women's illnesses but also suggest that only white women get them. And this is exactly what Covington Armstrong writes about in this memoir.

The writing is beautiful, and, I'll be honest, the content is harrowing. Of course, there's dark stuff in here--not just around body image and eating disorders and the reality of having bulimia, but we also see how the author was sexually assaulted as a child by her uncle. We see her fragmented relationships with authority figures after this and her anger at various family members.

This book also really shows how eating disorders can be thought of as an addiction, something I hadn't really fully realised before. It was enlightening.

Structurally, it's divided into three parts: before the eating disorder, during, and after/the recovery. This last section did seem a bit simplistic at times, and the author highlights her reliance on God for recovery. This was the part I related to the least really, but as this is memoir and not fiction, how I relate to the events isn't really important. This is Covington Armstrong's story.

[Amy Elaine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I truly wanted to like this book. I feel that the author did such a great job being vulnerable and letting us into the multiple traumas in her life that led to her bulimia that I tried to be generous in my assessment.

However, I just had too many problems with it. First, it seemed she spent way too much time on her back story. I know it’s important for us to know the context in which she developed her eating disorder, but I feel it could have been edited for brevity. In contrast, her “after” story was too brief – I would have loved to know more about her life in recovery.

Next, I feel that her voice was a bit too removed from the situation. Perhaps this is in order to protect herself, but I had a hard time connecting with her.

I have problems with her sentence “I am an addict, my drug of choice was food”. I don’t see eating disorders as addictions and feel this is a dangerous comparison.

I was offended by her sentence “It wouldn’t matter if he was fat or handsome, rich or poor, old or young”. So the opposite of handsome is fat? She later describes a boyfriend as someone that was “moderately attractive” with a “chubby checkbook”.

I do think she did a great job showing us that bulimia isn’t about vanity, but rather a coping mechanism to deal with multiple traumas and difficult feelings.

[Luc · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am grateful to Armstrong for sharing her story - and for surviving such a traumatic childhood and young adulthood, as well as for moving into voice and working to help others not feel alone. I wish, though, that this book would have underwent a more comprehensive editing/revision process.

The opening chapters linger excessively, while the last chapters speed by. There is an extended and graphic, explicit scene of childhood molestation and rape that while it does contextualize Armstrong's struggles, feels unnecessary in that it could be highly triggering to many readers who might otherwise find the book helpful - and the book is not about (nor does it provide action steps toward) combating sexual assault. Armstrong repeatedly equates EDs with addictions, though recovery is often quite different for both separate struggles, and her repeated, casual homo- and biphobia is very offputting.

All of these issues, though, should have been smoothed through with a talented editorial team, because the "heart" of this memoir is powerful and is a story that needs to be shared.

[Amy | Recs from an ENFJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Summary: As a girl, Stephanie Covington Armstrong loved to read in order to escape to the “world outside the walls of the ghetto where we dwelled”. Despite her empty stomach, each night she would battle her mother at the dinner table. Stephanie wanted to enjoy her food. In this memoir, she shares her journey as a Black woman with bulimia in a society that deems eating disorders as a white girl problem.

Takeaways: The barriers Stephanie faces to access a welcoming support group are appalling. We need to hold space to question why the stereotypical individual with an eating disorder is female and white. We need listen to voices from the Black community explore what it means to have an eating disorder.

[Lavender · Rating 5 out of 5]

Over the past few months, I was hunting for books about eating disorders but telling the story, not the science. I was not expecting to find a lot or really anything that I could culturally identify with as a black woman with body image issues/eating disorders. I enjoyed the book overall. I was transported to Stephanie C.A.'s world. I appreciate the honesty and rawness her story brings to the table. I feel like it is not talked about enough. In our communities, there is not enough belief in children putting their needs first. We are carrying the pain of those before us. Not knowing what is better. Going through more trauma. Sometimes never getting health. It costs us our lives in more ways than one. I am glad I found this gem. Thank you for your contribution.

[Shauna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a good example of an author who is so talented, because of her intelligence and ability to be vulnerable to the reader, I felt I learned not just about the struggle of an eating disorder, but also had the experience of having my own biases be revealed to me about many of the topics she touches upon in the book, such as her mother's work with Socialist Party, her work in the Hollywood entertainment field, and the 12 Steps of AA, to name a few. I chose the book after hearing her on NPR, because she sounded so real and personable. This authenticity shows through in her writing.
I love this book.

[Jefferson Morris iv · Rating 4 out of 5]

done Not All Black Girls Know How to Eat by Stephanie Armstrong Covington

thought this would be a memoir about bulimia, & it was, but it focused on so much more - poverty, Blackness, growing up as a girl, running from your problems, intergenerational trauma. much deeper than I expected - & thus much more enjoyable

troubling, lots of trigger warnings, & [spoiler] a bit too saccharine an ending (but I guess that's real life sometimes). glad to have read it tho.

3.5/5 (rounded up) + a reco if you're interested in memoirs about going through hard shit & coming out stronger on the other side (which I am)

[Dia Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

A powerful coming of age novel

This book is as much a coming of age novel as it is about eating disorders. It's such an important memoir as the intersection of eating disorders and race has been constantly and dangerously overlooked. My only wish is that the "After" section or the recovery section was filled with more of the rich details that the other portions of the books had. Warning: this book is an emotionally hard read. Trigger warnings for food insecurity, child molestation, rape, and eating disorders (obviously, but there are a lot of details, FYI).

[Caley]

I no longer rate memoirs or non-fiction focussed on the author's lived experiences (unless I love it and it's getting 5 stars)
As someone who had ED for 18 years, I like reading memoirs that surround the topic. Sort of a 'yay, we're alive' kind of way
This book was very different to what I was expecting. The majority covered the author's childhood which was filled with hardship and some horrific events that I was not expecting. Honestly I would not have picked this book up if I'd known about some of the triggers
This was ok and interesting and heartbreaking

[Marie B · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed Stephanie's story. It made me reflect and analyze my own.
I really enjoyed the timeline and the history of her life; however, I wish the story spent more time in her recovery as a call to action for those like me who are still struggling.
Beautiful and powerful story. I am grateful that she shared this experience with the world.

[Marcella · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this memoir for my Psychology Class. An excerpt from a paper I wrote;

“I really enjoyed this memoir because it was brutally honest, raw, and emotionally gripping…Stephanie Covington Armstrong is an incredible writer and her story is a vital epistemological contribution about eating disorders in women of color- a subject that has for too long been neglected and unstudied.”

[GingerOrange · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really touching book.

I don’t suffer from this but it was an informative read. The author took us through her life from childhood to recovery. It felt very visceral, at times. The book is amazingly honest. And it got me thinking about a lot of things in my own life. Additionally, the writing style was very readable and approachable.

Overall, a good and honest book.

[Kalee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this for a graduate psychology course, and it really gave me a deeper understanding of eating disorders. The author describes her childhood trauma, racial discrimination, and poverty and her journey to recovery.

[Victor Emmanuel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book a little pretentious at time. But a good read... especially for men

[Димон · Rating 3 out of 5]

Drawn out book, think, but interesting life story. I wish she talked about recovery more. There's very little bulimia and a lot of other life story.

[Hily · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was thought provoking and very well written. Stephanie Covington Armstrong provided a much needed voice to the ongoing narrative of mental health and disordered eating.

[Shavauna · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first 2/3 of this book pulled me into the honest and rattling story of the authors childhood experiences. Written with grace, humor, and honesty, she created a firm foundation for understanding bulimia as more than an issue with food and far from being a “white girls problem”.

I appreciated the writing style and vulnerability as she delved deeper into the eating disorder itself. Explaining what people were seeing vs what was actually going on. Understanding that it was a disorder, but not seeing it as a problem and the trepidation around getting help.

… and then the last 1/3…

It may be because the author is still healing, or the touch and go uncertainty that comes with recovery that the writing style lost me. The last part of the book felt rushed and disjointed. The emergence of characters in different locations without any explanation, jumping from topic to topic, and disjointed sequences may have been purposeful, but read as confusing.