I Can't Wait to Call You My Wife: African American Letters of Love, Marriage, and Family in the Civil War Era

by Rita Roberts

This book honors the voices of African Americans of the Civil War era through their letters, inviting readers to engage personally with the Black historical experience.

Amidst bloody battles and political maneuvering, thousands of African Americans spent the Civil War trying to hold their families together. This moving book illuminates that struggle through the letters they exchanged. Despite harsh laws against literacy and brutal practices that broke apart Black families, people found ways to write to each other against all odds. In these pages, readers will meet parents who are losing hope of ever seeing their children again and a husband who walks fifteen miles to visit his wife, enslaved on a different plantation.

The collection also includes tender courtship letters exchanged between Lewis Henry Douglass and Helen Amelia Loguen, both children of noted abolitionists, and letters sent home by the young women who traveled south to teach literacy to escaped slaves. Roberts' expert curation allows readers to see the wider historical context. The transcriptions are accompanied by reproductions of selected original letters and photographs of the letter writers.

FRESH ANGLE ON HISTORY: Roberts reframes the Civil War era by telling the story of American slavery through letters. And by focusing on the strong bonds of love that these letters represent, she offers a deeply human and relatable version of history.

AUTHORITATIVE YET ACCESSIBLE: Throughout the book, Roberts provides expert context while weaving compelling stories about the individual letter writers. Readers can connect with history directly by reading actual words from the time and seeing photographs of both the letters and the writers.

NUANCED PERSPECTIVE: As Americans wake up to the complex legacy of race in this country, Roberts' book challenges a notion of a monolithic Black experience during the Civil War.

BEAUTIFUL BOOK: This handsome hardcover provides an elegant presentation, complete with images throughout. While intense and often tragic, the stories carry inspiration for how to live and love through incredibly difficult times. This will make a truly meaningful addition to any book collection.

Perfect for:
Readers of Black history, Civil War history, and American history
History students
Letter writers
Fans of historical letters

Genres: History, Nonfiction, Civil War, American History, Audiobook, Research, Historical

292 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 18, 2022

Reviews

[Alexa Esperanza · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much. There’s something so special about learning history from primary sources: the people who were actually there! “I Can’t Wait To Call You My Wife” does a great job of displaying Black love in an incredibly expansive way. Most of the letters aren’t about love in the romantic sense (though some are) The letters show love as community, kinship, friendship and most of all, FREEDOM. The author takes great care to give background information and context for each of the letters as well as the time periods themselves. A bonus for me was all of the lovely pictures especially the images of the writers. This book feels really special and intimate. I received an Electronic ARC of this to review but I will definitely be purchasing a physical copy upon it’s release!

[Reagan Formea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book as a giveaway copy!
This book is DENSE (hence why it took me ages to read) but it did exactly what it set out to do. I learned so much about black American history in the civil war era. As is typical in the US, I learned so very little of this in school and I’m always looking to educate myself. The author does a fantastic job of providing historical insight and putting the letters in context.

[Paris Chanel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't even remember how I came across this book...or if it found me. It's truly a work to cherish.

I Can't Wait to Call You My Wife is split into three parts—Antebellum, Civil War, and In the Aftermath of the War—that details the history of a specific time during and after US chattel slavery, before unveiling photos paired with letters of free Black people and enslaved Black people who became free Black Americans by way of the Underground Railroad or Emancipation Proclamation.

Every week, I work on my genealogy to build the tree of my lineage in America. I've found photos, articles, stories, docs, and names that hadn't been said for well over a century. (I've gotten back to the early 1700s on one side and the late 1700s on the other.) Although the ancestors in I Can't Wait to Call You My Wife don't appear in my personal family tree, it still fills as if they are, filling in the missing pieces of the voices of that time through letters. The will to maintain their foundation of family and the will to reconnect. I Can't Wait to Call You My Wife is intimate, riveting, touching, and beautifully done.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is so intense and tragic at the same time. I really enjoyed reading this book. It was very intuitive and a little romantic. The times and history of how a loved couple tried to stayed together when the world was against them, literally. They had no choice where they were sold, who they were sold too. And even had children to think of as well. This book taught me inspiration on how to love and live through a incredibly difficult time. It provides so much history, which I am a huge fan of, and chronicles of free and enlisted and enslaved blacks during the Civil war. So much emotions. I honestly cannot see how these brave young souls made it through a tough time in our history. To be torn away from my husband and my children, I couldn't fathom. Truly remarkable book!! I will cherish for a long time❤

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really valued this book, both for the historical knowledge, but also because it helped me see the world in perspective.

At a time where humanity feels like it is on a precipice, I was honored to read the words from people who have suffered much worse and still found endurance, love, and family. The Black people who survived slavery and all that followed, and fought so hard to make the word better for their great-grandchildren, gave me hope.

There is great comfort knowing how much worse things have been in the past, and yet good people didn't give up, and didn't fail.

[Tiffany · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 rounded up

[Alyson Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautifully written reminder of resilience and humanity.

[Cardyn Brooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the acknowledgments the author expresses her intention to use “letters to provide a more real and personal understanding of the past” in order to share the history of the African American experiences with non-academic audiences. She achieves that goal. Images, maps, newspapers, pamphlets, portraits, handbills, and marriage licenses support detailed historical facts animated by the intimate written correspondence of Black people. This passage from page 31 summarizes the range, depth, and nuances:


…In the following correspondence, status, class, and regional distinctions are evident, as are urban and rural differences… reveal the incredible complexity of African American lives in this period…these letters illustrate this diversity of black life.

http://blerdybingereader.blogspot.com...

Letters between parents and children, spouses, extended family, courting couples, lovers, close friends, allies, supplicants, and even slaveholders and the formerly enslaved resonate with universal themes of human connection, weariness, resolve, and celebration of victories minute to massive in addition to mundane activities. The paths of famous abolitionists Frederick Douglass, Bishop Loguen, and others are entwined with those of everyday families, enslaved Emily and Adam Plummer in Maryland, the free Rapiers in Alabama, and the free mulatto Ellisons, slave owners in South Carolina. Their true stories weave throughout the three main sections of the text: Antebellum, Civil War, and In the Aftermath of War.


I Can’t Wait to Call You My Wife is a compelling read for everyone interested in understanding the source of the current political turmoil in the United States. Factually dense and emotionally faceted, this text alternates historical details, images, actual letters, context, and discussion calibrated to make the information easy to digest and engaging for the average reader and dedicated historian.

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a learning experience to read this! A well-researched work revealing the day-to-day experiences, hardships, and triumphs of the African American community with first-hand accounts via personal letters. I'll be thinking about this one for a while.

[Mosaic]

The title is really well chosen, considering part of the foundation of slavery is legal kinnlessness. You may not officially choose your own spouse, who you have children with, what happens to those children, what happens to your siblings, parents, friends, anything. The bonds you form are not acknowledged or respected, as that other person could be killed or sold or traded states away, and while letters could be passed on at times, most letters had to be written and/or read to you but someone else, and many times by a person you could not freely express your feelings around. To be able to write to the woman you love that you cannot wait to be able able to be married beyond words and that the family you form will be yours officially and recognized by others and be able to live together carries much more weight than simply saying, “I love you. I can’t wait to see you.”

There’s more I’d like to say about literacy and education but it’s 3:30 in the morning, so I’ll try to remember to come back and finish this at some point.

[Helen · Rating 4 out of 5]

These letters cover the period from 1850 to 1870 so you have voices out of slavery, the war events and the post liberation period as well. The pre war period has some oddities, a number of letters written by owners on behalf of illiterate slaves asking relatives for help with buying their freedom. There are family connections lost during the war and later people who have successfully settled and are urging relatives to join them. There was a moving case of brothers who were held by their "previous" owner as farming "apprentices". They were actually able to get a court to agree with their accusation of continuing slavery and gain true freedom.
The author provides almost too much background but the letters and illustrations are so moving that it doesn't matter and I suppose you can't really have too much context.

[Tori · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was absolutely exceptional, a library book that I kept considering buying just to have on hand. Roberts collects letters written almost exclusively by Black Americans before, during, and after the Civil War. I am really interested in this time period and read a lot of related work, but I was constantly surprised by the ways in which the letters contradicted my assumptions and understanding of what life was like for Black Americans during and after slavery.

I keep typing different paragraphs that all feel very silly. The letters are very good, and I appreciate the immediacy and connection they gave. You should read them, or at least this one: click.

[behindabook · Rating 4 out of 5]

The letters were wonderful, to bad I have to return the book (to the library) 😭😭

"...A poem has elapsed since our correspondence began, but what motives were we prompted and to what purpose shall we concede I don't know why I can not cease to think of you, and to love you, you have say I have stolen your heart. I can say this much you stole mine first and a fair exchange is no robery..."

How beautiful.

[B · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was AMAZING!! I need a physical copy asap!!! Omg, I know I’m an old soul, but the love with which these letters are written…my word! Swoon and sigh✨

The history and stories of the authors of the letters is a super bonus to what was already a beautiful reading experience . This was well researched and put together wonderfully.

[Devinee]

Rec from blackgirlthatreads

[Angela Sorby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every letter is fascinating. I wanted more.

[Adam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't think the title does this book justice, there was so much contextual information included, I learned a lot and heard a lot of stories I'd never encountered before. Also was interesting to hear so many primary sources on slavery and what life was like around the Civil War.

[Katherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

A stirring, well-organized account of life for a select few African Americans who were able to write and express themselves over distances and time. A profound experience that is moving to read especially within the historical and social context. I will be recommending my local library add this to its shelves as we have much to learn as a nation about our shared humanity. A fantastic example of primary resources that could be used to start discussion and dive into more research.