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18 Months: A Memoir of a Marriage Lost to Gender Identity
Shannon is no stranger to alternative lifestyles. Raised by Christian parents in Bluegrass country, she fled to the city, scraped together an education, worked for drag shows and befriended poets and anarchists at clothing-optional parties. By the time she settled into her 14-year relationship with Jamie, she had dated women and experimented with polyamory.
So when her husband begins crossdressing, she sees no problem--she enjoys flouting the straight world's pointless rules. Trouble is brewing, though. Jamie's dive into the world of identity leads to shifting values, sexual dysfunction and a crippling depression. Still deeply in love with the kind, outdoorsy folksinger she once knew, Shannon is committed to working through these challenges. But she is blindsided by the unusual demands of gender dysphoria and learns the hard way that compassion, communication, and even love sometimes just aren’t enough.
18 Months is a fierce defense of love in the face of loss, culminating in self-discovery and reinvention.
So when her husband begins crossdressing, she sees no problem--she enjoys flouting the straight world's pointless rules. Trouble is brewing, though. Jamie's dive into the world of identity leads to shifting values, sexual dysfunction and a crippling depression. Still deeply in love with the kind, outdoorsy folksinger she once knew, Shannon is committed to working through these challenges. But she is blindsided by the unusual demands of gender dysphoria and learns the hard way that compassion, communication, and even love sometimes just aren’t enough.
18 Months is a fierce defense of love in the face of loss, culminating in self-discovery and reinvention.
302 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 12, 2022
27 people are currently reading
210 people want to read
About the author
Shannon Thrace
1 book13 followersShannon Thrace is an IT professional and creative nonfiction writer who loves farm-to-table restaurants, indie music and lifelong learning. She's passionate about radical honesty, unplugging and seeing the world.
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
October 19, 2022
I would like to thank Book Sirens for a copy of this book.
I really liked this book. The writing was superb and was told as the narrator wife described to her husband all of the emotions, actions and repercussions of his decision to transition to being transgender. I understand little about the transgender community and this book was very informative about the process and the toll it takes on the people involved. I know there are two sides to every story but the wife really drew at my heartstrings and it is was fascinating to read what she was going through. This book might not be for everybody but if you are open minded and want to learn a little more about this part of society that is on the news daily - give it a chance.
I really liked this book. The writing was superb and was told as the narrator wife described to her husband all of the emotions, actions and repercussions of his decision to transition to being transgender. I understand little about the transgender community and this book was very informative about the process and the toll it takes on the people involved. I know there are two sides to every story but the wife really drew at my heartstrings and it is was fascinating to read what she was going through. This book might not be for everybody but if you are open minded and want to learn a little more about this part of society that is on the news daily - give it a chance.
October 24, 2022
I could not put this book down. I read it in one day. The love she had for him, the way she felt her life was special because he was in it with her. How much they did and enjoyed and loved each other in all ways. The book starts with her ode to him and to her past and to the deep love they shared. Then moves on to the ultimate betrayal. The ultimate loss. Not just of body but of soul and mind as he sank deeper into his obsession and she was left to hold a mirror for him and nothing more. You can feel the love and the despair and the loss. In the end it is terrifying to see how far someone will go on their path to self destruction. I am very glad this book was written. Maybe it will help other women in similar situation. Courageous and brilliant read.
July 16, 2023
At the end of 18 Months, Shannon Thrace hears a fellow writer say, “You can’t write about this,” by which he means the dissolution of her marriage after her partner transitions. In covering the year and a half it took for Jamie to transform from one person, who identified as the sex assigned at birth, to a woman, Shannon wrestles with the why. She can’t settle on the answers Jamie gives because what began as “just cross-dressing” to toying with the idea of being a transvestite ends with saying, “I am a woman.” Though when Shannon and Jamie started dating fourteen years earlier, there were no indications this would be Jamie’s path. Jamie appears to have adult rapid-onset gender dysphoria.
At the end of the book, Shannon notes that for the first four decades of her life she knew only two trans people and now she knows more than she can count. She’s lived a life where she might have encountered many more, whereas I haven’t. Yet as a Christian, I know four trans people - one a child - all friends and colleagues with trans family members.
Shannon thoughtfully weaves together the details and philosophical ideas that raise questions about the “why” of how transitioning transformed the person she married, the confluence of factors including pornography, the fetishization of choice, the capitalization of the human body, the technology and medical dependency that makes the move from biological sex to another gender, the role of media and the religion of activism. – Activism has its own saints and heretics, message of salvation, reborn identities, sense of urgency, hierarchies, and list of sins. -- Shannon explores this further in her substack, which is worth following for its depth of thought on the crisis of modernity,
To be sure, what Shannon dares to say seems dangerous because she discusses the nature of consumerism by committing to a long-term medicalization and commodification of the body with a lifetime of hormone replacements, as well as lasering, surgeries, and cosmetics that make this transition possible. What modern markets offer is far different from the ways eras and cultures have managed third genders and queerness.
To be sure, 18 Months merely tells Shannon’s side. Shannon lays out her love and her wounds, the way those hurts spiral as she hopes and loses hope for saving her marriage. Weaving scenes from her marriage to its dissolution, she lets you into the cycle of conflict and her headspace as she wonders if she can make it work with a person who is so radically different and suddenly disinvested in what they once had. I can’t help but wonder if Jamie, after having adjusted to all the hormones, has reflected on how the choice to transition broke destroyed a bond of love. -- From what I’ve learned about transitioning, the introduction of hormones induces an emotional stage akin to adolescence. — The end of their marriage grieves me.
18 Months is intimate and it only scratches the surface of the breadth and depth of research she has done on this topic, on philosophy, and the factors that prompted her ex-partner to upend an identity and marriage. I tend to read books about experiences and perspectives very different from my own. I seek to learn and understand. What happens within the intimate spaces of a marriage as it dissolves is unique and instructive, but in this case, Shannon raises questions about a larger trend that has become quite contentious.
At the end of the book, Shannon notes that for the first four decades of her life she knew only two trans people and now she knows more than she can count. She’s lived a life where she might have encountered many more, whereas I haven’t. Yet as a Christian, I know four trans people - one a child - all friends and colleagues with trans family members.
Shannon thoughtfully weaves together the details and philosophical ideas that raise questions about the “why” of how transitioning transformed the person she married, the confluence of factors including pornography, the fetishization of choice, the capitalization of the human body, the technology and medical dependency that makes the move from biological sex to another gender, the role of media and the religion of activism. – Activism has its own saints and heretics, message of salvation, reborn identities, sense of urgency, hierarchies, and list of sins. -- Shannon explores this further in her substack, which is worth following for its depth of thought on the crisis of modernity,
To be sure, what Shannon dares to say seems dangerous because she discusses the nature of consumerism by committing to a long-term medicalization and commodification of the body with a lifetime of hormone replacements, as well as lasering, surgeries, and cosmetics that make this transition possible. What modern markets offer is far different from the ways eras and cultures have managed third genders and queerness.
To be sure, 18 Months merely tells Shannon’s side. Shannon lays out her love and her wounds, the way those hurts spiral as she hopes and loses hope for saving her marriage. Weaving scenes from her marriage to its dissolution, she lets you into the cycle of conflict and her headspace as she wonders if she can make it work with a person who is so radically different and suddenly disinvested in what they once had. I can’t help but wonder if Jamie, after having adjusted to all the hormones, has reflected on how the choice to transition broke destroyed a bond of love. -- From what I’ve learned about transitioning, the introduction of hormones induces an emotional stage akin to adolescence. — The end of their marriage grieves me.
18 Months is intimate and it only scratches the surface of the breadth and depth of research she has done on this topic, on philosophy, and the factors that prompted her ex-partner to upend an identity and marriage. I tend to read books about experiences and perspectives very different from my own. I seek to learn and understand. What happens within the intimate spaces of a marriage as it dissolves is unique and instructive, but in this case, Shannon raises questions about a larger trend that has become quite contentious.
May 18, 2023
Absolutely Beautiful
This book is one of the most beautiful, honest things I’ve read. Possibly ever. I can’t even describe the level of courage it took to broach this topic, let alone let other people into your life in this way. There are so many who share in this kind of remarkable love and then heartbreakingly share in this unique kind of pain, most of whom wouldn’t dare to say so in the current climate. They have to fall in line with the emotions of progress, because if they don’t, their virtue is lost and their morality is cancelled by people who’ve lost the ability to even identify a moral standard that doesn’t benefit them and their cause. I have so many people in my life who I’ve watched dissolve into a puddle of selfish loathing and nothing else. Not even the bones of their former selves. Indoctrinated selfishness and self absorption and lack of agency over one’s mind and choices has infiltrated everything that was beautiful about the wonderful, eccentric queer people that I love and feel kinship with; they don’t even have relationships with me or other people now. They have “likes” and “shares” and “comments”. It’s no longer progressive to go against the grain, and it isn’t activism to have your own thoughts. Activism is about who screams “violence!” most loudly and is in the most pain, and suffers the most injustice at the hands of the hateful bigots. It’s a contest of who can generate the most acceptance from strangers in return for their pain.
I’m so proud that another human being has articulated what others wish they were brave enough to examine. This is possibly the best book I’ve read in my lifetime and I’m so sad that it will be years before everyone wakes up, and it finally gets it’s due.
This book is one of the most beautiful, honest things I’ve read. Possibly ever. I can’t even describe the level of courage it took to broach this topic, let alone let other people into your life in this way. There are so many who share in this kind of remarkable love and then heartbreakingly share in this unique kind of pain, most of whom wouldn’t dare to say so in the current climate. They have to fall in line with the emotions of progress, because if they don’t, their virtue is lost and their morality is cancelled by people who’ve lost the ability to even identify a moral standard that doesn’t benefit them and their cause. I have so many people in my life who I’ve watched dissolve into a puddle of selfish loathing and nothing else. Not even the bones of their former selves. Indoctrinated selfishness and self absorption and lack of agency over one’s mind and choices has infiltrated everything that was beautiful about the wonderful, eccentric queer people that I love and feel kinship with; they don’t even have relationships with me or other people now. They have “likes” and “shares” and “comments”. It’s no longer progressive to go against the grain, and it isn’t activism to have your own thoughts. Activism is about who screams “violence!” most loudly and is in the most pain, and suffers the most injustice at the hands of the hateful bigots. It’s a contest of who can generate the most acceptance from strangers in return for their pain.
I’m so proud that another human being has articulated what others wish they were brave enough to examine. This is possibly the best book I’ve read in my lifetime and I’m so sad that it will be years before everyone wakes up, and it finally gets it’s due.
November 15, 2022
Short.... but an eye-opening read. So interesting to read from this perspective, rather than an academic outsider of any view.
Shannon is an absolute trooper for lasting so long.
Shannon is an absolute trooper for lasting so long.
August 21, 2023
Wow. I'm stunned that this was a debut, and moreover stunned that the author had to go through something this horrific. The dread she builds over the course of this text is so palpable that I found my pulse increasing as I read on. I probably binged the last ~100 pages all in one sitting, because Jamie's increasing abuse and narcissism was a horrible car wreck I couldn't look away from. It's hard to believe this is Thrace's debut; I really hope she writes more in the future, because she not only has a talent for it, she also has a voice with real soul. She seems like the type of person I'd like to get a beer with, and for all her admiration of grace in other people, it's clear she's successfully cultivated it in herself. This is one of those indie feminist books that I think, in a less ignorant day, will be taught in classrooms. If only we can be brave enough to recommend them to other women and spread it around.
I have long thought that the "TERF" moral panic was some kind of Russian or CIA psyop designed to kneecap the feminist movement, but I hesitated to pick this book up because books critical of "gender identity" are often written by conservatives who aren't against gender identity at all, and who in fact want the parameters of "acceptable" gender expression to be even narrower. The good reviews on this book swayed me to pick it up, and I'm grateful I did. Finally, we have an authentic, page-turning, intelligent text on this subject by a liberal woman!
I think what really took this text from good to spectacular was Thrace herself. Her morals, her easy-going and openminded attitude, her ambition combined with her hippie granola treehugger essence really reminded me of myself and many other "no nonsense" women in my family. Her immense capacity for love, and her deep love for her husband, took this from being a tenuous narrative about a marriage strained by changing personalities to a Shakespearean tragedy about a man who throws away a once in a lifetime love for the shallow validation of misogynist ideology and self-victimization. What Jamie did to Thrace would have been abhorrent under any circumstances, but to accuse someone who truly, deeply, loved you of abuse, to say she was bigoted when she was accepting, to punish her for her love for you is a new level of disgusting I can only call sinful. I like Thrace am very, very against lying, and the ease with which it came to Jamie shocked me. Like Thrace, I struggle to fit the lies of pro-gender role ideology into my mouth on a day to day basis, and I fear I too will end up living on the edges of society to avoid compromising my morals. I just can't say aloud that women ARE dresses and makeup. I can't degrade myself and other women that way.
Thrace and I have other similarities. I've been kicked when I was down in a similar way to Thrace, also by a grown man in love with sadness. I was a little girl, but to him, behind my merriness and small stature and intelligence and creativity was a eugenicist, a dictator. I was evil because I was alive and happy, rather than frozen like a doll for him to make in his own image. I like to think the wound inflicted by his cruelty no longer hurts, but sometimes I still think to myself "what the fuck is wrong with some people?"
The internet. The internet is what's wrong with some people. While the person I'm thinking of in my own life didn't become how he was because of the internet, the internet made it much, much worse. The rapidity with which Jamie tears down 15 years of partnership is indeed enough to shake one's belief in heterosexual love. 15 years, gone in 18 months, and it all begins with internet pornography. Pornography and social media, with their ability to facilitate narcissism, antisocial behavior, and misogyny, are tools of evil and social breakdown the likes of which I don't believe mankind has seen before. I wonder if a cigarette-esque campaign against their use will emerge in the coming decades.
Thrace perfectly weaves her own narrative with the larger story of the LGBT community's corruption by pro-gender roles ideology and individualism. Every time Jamie referred to her as "queer" I flinched. As she points out, Thrace was around when that word was not used to signal virtue, but defect. I would have been seeing red.
Though it at times had me experiencing little mini panics as I read, I appreciated reading about Jamie's treatment of Thrace more than anything else in this book, because I took away some very hard learning from it. I grew up in a dysfunctional household, and as a result much of my socialization came from online "queer" communities the likes of which corrupted Jamie. There were times I was reading about Jamie (his meltdowns, the frequent crying, making everything about him) which gave me pause. I saw myself in some of his behaviors, and frankly, I see this book as a kick up the ass that I needed. I cannot end up like that--I am beginning to piece together the egotism of chronic sadness. It's so disturbing what social media can turn us into, personally or en masse. Thanks to Jamie's new anti-woman, anti-gay (but pro trans? lol) ideology, today being against gender roles can get you called a bigot. It can make you lose your job. I really empathized with Thrace when she talked about how Jamie's lies about her """"""abuse"""""" were extra harmful to her because of her dangerously small social circle and history of abuse. I've been exactly there, and I have PTSD from the isolation. Even now, I live in perpetual fear of being exiled in the same way again.
And then he said it's not his problem if she's lonely...god. Literally [redacted].
I don't know what to say. God...the moment when Thrace finally gets visibly angry and Jamie smirks at her because he thinks he's about to "catch her screwing up," I don't have words for it. This narrative is spectacular and I'm thankful we have talents like Thrace who are willing to say the truth about what's going on in this day and age. It felt relieving, to get a glimpse of sanity. I hope she's doing well. Jamie can choke. Hope he enjoys his new friends who are, I shit you not, literally PIMPS.
What an awful, sadistic, narcissistic person. The author didn't deserve his cruelty any more than he deserved her love.
In short, lemme get this straight:
>Jamie starts watching "tr*nny" porn
>Asks wife to start calling him a "tr*nny" in bed
>wife complies bc w/e
>Jamie destroys wife's entire social network by saying she's hitler and a bigot bc she called him a tr*nny derrogatorily
>Jamie dgaf about rape victims, including children
>yet shares his own #metoo rape story that was literally an ever-evolving lie about getting a completely normal patdown by TSA, who even offered him a female agent since they saw he was trying to pass
>ok
>wants to be a homemaker
>by homemaker he means plays videogames all day while wife works 6 days a week to pay 2 mortgages
>wants to be seen as attractive by straight men
>does not find trans women attractive himself
>"I can excuse rape, but I draw the line at feeling excluded"
>
>lies to entire friendgroup to get Victim Points(TM)
>wants to be a woman, won't listen to woman he married about her own experiences
>asks for something from wife
>wife gives it to him but, like, without smiling enough or something
>"you HaTE MEEEEE"
>supposedly lives in fear of getting hatecrimed by wife
>gets erection from being called "tr*nny" and literally smirks excitedly when wife loses her temper one (1) time
Shannon, girlfriend...
I have long thought that the "TERF" moral panic was some kind of Russian or CIA psyop designed to kneecap the feminist movement, but I hesitated to pick this book up because books critical of "gender identity" are often written by conservatives who aren't against gender identity at all, and who in fact want the parameters of "acceptable" gender expression to be even narrower. The good reviews on this book swayed me to pick it up, and I'm grateful I did. Finally, we have an authentic, page-turning, intelligent text on this subject by a liberal woman!
I think what really took this text from good to spectacular was Thrace herself. Her morals, her easy-going and openminded attitude, her ambition combined with her hippie granola treehugger essence really reminded me of myself and many other "no nonsense" women in my family. Her immense capacity for love, and her deep love for her husband, took this from being a tenuous narrative about a marriage strained by changing personalities to a Shakespearean tragedy about a man who throws away a once in a lifetime love for the shallow validation of misogynist ideology and self-victimization. What Jamie did to Thrace would have been abhorrent under any circumstances, but to accuse someone who truly, deeply, loved you of abuse, to say she was bigoted when she was accepting, to punish her for her love for you is a new level of disgusting I can only call sinful. I like Thrace am very, very against lying, and the ease with which it came to Jamie shocked me. Like Thrace, I struggle to fit the lies of pro-gender role ideology into my mouth on a day to day basis, and I fear I too will end up living on the edges of society to avoid compromising my morals. I just can't say aloud that women ARE dresses and makeup. I can't degrade myself and other women that way.
Thrace and I have other similarities. I've been kicked when I was down in a similar way to Thrace, also by a grown man in love with sadness. I was a little girl, but to him, behind my merriness and small stature and intelligence and creativity was a eugenicist, a dictator. I was evil because I was alive and happy, rather than frozen like a doll for him to make in his own image. I like to think the wound inflicted by his cruelty no longer hurts, but sometimes I still think to myself "what the fuck is wrong with some people?"
The internet. The internet is what's wrong with some people. While the person I'm thinking of in my own life didn't become how he was because of the internet, the internet made it much, much worse. The rapidity with which Jamie tears down 15 years of partnership is indeed enough to shake one's belief in heterosexual love. 15 years, gone in 18 months, and it all begins with internet pornography. Pornography and social media, with their ability to facilitate narcissism, antisocial behavior, and misogyny, are tools of evil and social breakdown the likes of which I don't believe mankind has seen before. I wonder if a cigarette-esque campaign against their use will emerge in the coming decades.
Thrace perfectly weaves her own narrative with the larger story of the LGBT community's corruption by pro-gender roles ideology and individualism. Every time Jamie referred to her as "queer" I flinched. As she points out, Thrace was around when that word was not used to signal virtue, but defect. I would have been seeing red.
Though it at times had me experiencing little mini panics as I read, I appreciated reading about Jamie's treatment of Thrace more than anything else in this book, because I took away some very hard learning from it. I grew up in a dysfunctional household, and as a result much of my socialization came from online "queer" communities the likes of which corrupted Jamie. There were times I was reading about Jamie (his meltdowns, the frequent crying, making everything about him) which gave me pause. I saw myself in some of his behaviors, and frankly, I see this book as a kick up the ass that I needed. I cannot end up like that--I am beginning to piece together the egotism of chronic sadness. It's so disturbing what social media can turn us into, personally or en masse. Thanks to Jamie's new anti-woman, anti-gay (but pro trans? lol) ideology, today being against gender roles can get you called a bigot. It can make you lose your job. I really empathized with Thrace when she talked about how Jamie's lies about her """"""abuse"""""" were extra harmful to her because of her dangerously small social circle and history of abuse. I've been exactly there, and I have PTSD from the isolation. Even now, I live in perpetual fear of being exiled in the same way again.
And then he said it's not his problem if she's lonely...god. Literally [redacted].
I don't know what to say. God...the moment when Thrace finally gets visibly angry and Jamie smirks at her because he thinks he's about to "catch her screwing up," I don't have words for it. This narrative is spectacular and I'm thankful we have talents like Thrace who are willing to say the truth about what's going on in this day and age. It felt relieving, to get a glimpse of sanity. I hope she's doing well. Jamie can choke. Hope he enjoys his new friends who are, I shit you not, literally PIMPS.
What an awful, sadistic, narcissistic person. The author didn't deserve his cruelty any more than he deserved her love.
In short, lemme get this straight:
>Jamie starts watching "tr*nny" porn
>Asks wife to start calling him a "tr*nny" in bed
>wife complies bc w/e
>Jamie destroys wife's entire social network by saying she's hitler and a bigot bc she called him a tr*nny derrogatorily
>Jamie dgaf about rape victims, including children
>yet shares his own #metoo rape story that was literally an ever-evolving lie about getting a completely normal patdown by TSA, who even offered him a female agent since they saw he was trying to pass
>ok
>wants to be a homemaker
>by homemaker he means plays videogames all day while wife works 6 days a week to pay 2 mortgages
>wants to be seen as attractive by straight men
>does not find trans women attractive himself
>"I can excuse rape, but I draw the line at feeling excluded"
>
>lies to entire friendgroup to get Victim Points(TM)
>wants to be a woman, won't listen to woman he married about her own experiences
>asks for something from wife
>wife gives it to him but, like, without smiling enough or something
>"you HaTE MEEEEE"
>supposedly lives in fear of getting hatecrimed by wife
>gets erection from being called "tr*nny" and literally smirks excitedly when wife loses her temper one (1) time
Shannon, girlfriend...
February 2, 2023
This was a really moving and touching book. I know the author will probably be criticized, but I think this was a fair exploration of these issues from her perspective and she tried to be more than fair. It's not realistic to claim she's some right winger, given especially her history and perspective throughout the early stages of the transition.
I was especially impressed by how much I could feel her love for "Jamie" early in the book, considering she wrote this after everything went down. It must have really taken a toll on her to put herself in the mindset again.
It's a really sad tale, but I'm glad she has a measure of resilience and seems to have landed on her feet.
I've mostly been interested in understanding childhood transition as I basically figure adults can do whatever they want. But this book was an important reminder that ideologies can hurt innocent adults as well, and there has to be a way to be supportive but also be able to reject some of the more wild ontological claims in modern trans discourse.
I was especially impressed by how much I could feel her love for "Jamie" early in the book, considering she wrote this after everything went down. It must have really taken a toll on her to put herself in the mindset again.
It's a really sad tale, but I'm glad she has a measure of resilience and seems to have landed on her feet.
I've mostly been interested in understanding childhood transition as I basically figure adults can do whatever they want. But this book was an important reminder that ideologies can hurt innocent adults as well, and there has to be a way to be supportive but also be able to reject some of the more wild ontological claims in modern trans discourse.
July 30, 2023
Shannon Thrace was deeply in love with her husband and supported his surprising decision, more than a decade into their relationship, to start crossdressing. She comes across a joke and is filled with foreboding: What’s the difference between a cross dresser and a trans woman? The answer: 18 months. Thrace describes her marriage with such tenderness and affection and longing — a meeting of the minds and sexually passionate. She is deeply intelligent and tender and caring. Her story is harrowing — her husband’s transition put her through the wringer. I won’t spoil it by revealing whether or not they stay together.
April 12, 2023
Compassionate, poetic, courageous and important memoir of a confusing and devastating period of the author’s life. The writing is superb.
June 11, 2024
I'm blown away by what a smart, interesting, generous, thoughtful person the author is, and the beautiful writing in this memoir. It's an intriguing story to begin with, but the honest self-reflection and probing of issues and emotions is the work of a sharp and nuanced thinker. Fascinating and moving.
December 5, 2022
Found this advertised in a lesbian publication. Why? She obviously doesn’t feel like was in a relationship with another woman.
Disappointed in the publication for taking her money and infuriated that she feels she has a right to speak to LGBT women about their sexualities and gender like this.
Disappointed in the publication for taking her money and infuriated that she feels she has a right to speak to LGBT women about their sexualities and gender like this.
December 20, 2022
Interesting meditation on the crumbling of a marriage. Very confusing time jumps.
January 21, 2024
Be warned: This book is graphic and gritty and NOT for the faint of heart. But it tells an important story from a rarely heard perspective.
February 2, 2025
When I tell you this memoir had me by the throat the moment I heard about it. To speak negatively about interactions in the queer community is such a taboo subject, especially in the circles I, a 32 year-old queer woman, exist in. Ive always had questions and what I would might call "objections" that always seemed to be shut down or make me worry about being ostracized from those I consider friends. I appreciate Thrace's courage in speaking her truth about her experience.
Thrace's writing is so poetic and full of emotion that was palpable from the first paragraph. I felt like a voyeur, a stranger reading a love letter I was never meant to find. Her intelligence is clear, the philosophies quoted appreciated, and her unwavering love for her ex partner had me swept up instantly. Her pain and grief had me in tears by the end.
I know many people like her husband. I was shocked at the accuracy of her assessments (becoming a slave to one's identity, the addiction to oppression)
Maybe it might be too controversial for some people, but pushing boundaries and thinking about the uncomfortable things some of us are too afraid to acknowledge or speak of can only help us grow as a community.
Lack of tolerance for ignorance or want of understanding is often dealt swiftly and without love and I am tired of the rift it creates between us all.
RIP Carrot the cat. Her death had me sobbing.
Thrace's writing is so poetic and full of emotion that was palpable from the first paragraph. I felt like a voyeur, a stranger reading a love letter I was never meant to find. Her intelligence is clear, the philosophies quoted appreciated, and her unwavering love for her ex partner had me swept up instantly. Her pain and grief had me in tears by the end.
I know many people like her husband. I was shocked at the accuracy of her assessments (becoming a slave to one's identity, the addiction to oppression)
Maybe it might be too controversial for some people, but pushing boundaries and thinking about the uncomfortable things some of us are too afraid to acknowledge or speak of can only help us grow as a community.
Lack of tolerance for ignorance or want of understanding is often dealt swiftly and without love and I am tired of the rift it creates between us all.
RIP Carrot the cat. Her death had me sobbing.
August 17, 2023
This was an excellent read. It was pretty sad and hard to read in many parts, but Ms. Thrace narrates an important topic - a relationship lost to gender identity (and all that gender identity, the surrounding activism and mental health issues entails). I'm sure some people will be offended by this book, but it's worth reading. I picked it up because, as a woman, I'm interested in gender-related topics, and Thrace delivered. But what I didn't expect was how once I finished the book, I was left feeling like it was the tale of a marriage that was lost more to mental illness than to gender identity.
October 14, 2023
Couldn’t Put It Down
This memoir pulled me in and I couldn’t put it down. The author writes about the end of her marriage as her spouse decided to change gender identity. I liked that the book was written in the second person, addressing her ex, because it underscored the effort the author put into making a good faith argument to understand her ex’s behavior. This book could have just been a rant about a tough experience, but it was much more nuanced and compassionate than that.
This memoir pulled me in and I couldn’t put it down. The author writes about the end of her marriage as her spouse decided to change gender identity. I liked that the book was written in the second person, addressing her ex, because it underscored the effort the author put into making a good faith argument to understand her ex’s behavior. This book could have just been a rant about a tough experience, but it was much more nuanced and compassionate than that.
December 31, 2024
My favorite book of 2024.
January 6, 2025
This book is supposed to be a chronicle of the last 18 months of the author’s marriage, which crumbled as a result of her husband’s coming out as transgender and transitioning. I started reading it because it is the next selection of a book club I belong to. I had looked forward to reading the book because my daughter is trans, and I have often wondered what it would be like if I were married to someone who came out as trans. The parent-child relationship is so different from the spouse-spouse relationship, so I had looked forward to reading the book and understanding a bit of what that experience would be like. However, as I read 18 Months, I became confused by the narrative as to the timeline of events and the way the description of the main characters was so dissimilar in different parts of the book. So I went to look up the author, Shannon Thrace, on Wikipedia. There is no article about her there. Then I got curious about the publisher, Firebush, and visited its website. 18 Months is the only book they’ve published. And there’s no way to contact them. Then I started researching online and found what appear to be photos of two different (though similar-looking) women identifying themselves as Shannon Thrace, the author of 18 Months. I kept trying to plow through the book, though, so I could participate in the book club discussion. But the narrative doesn’t make sense overall, and I began to ask myself, “Was this book written by a bot?!?” (This morning I found a site called Squibler that generated a novel in less than a minute based on the brief info I entered.) I finally had to stop reading 18 Months because the narrative was so disjointed and confusing that it felt like a bad dream. What shocks me is this book on Goodreads has 133 ratings with an average of 4.37. It has 4.6 stars on Amazon with 162 reviews. I think 18 Months may well be a deep fake and a hoax perpetrated on the reading public, and it makes me sick that people are treating it like it’s a real book. If you want to read something that will give you a real understanding about what it means to be a transgender woman, check out Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl.
January 8, 2024
So, this was the first book I read in 2024 and I really, REALLY feel like I've ruined my reading challenge for the rest of the year. This is one of the best memoirs I have ever read and I will recommend it to everyone! My mam, my friends, the postman, my GP... everyone!
This memoir was written like a letter to Thrace's ex-partner - the person she loved wholeheartedly (and somewhat unconditionally!) but who ultimately betrayed her in such a profound and traumatising way. Thrace interlaced her past with what was happening in the present which made me feel like I was right there with her, witnessing what she experienced firsthand. It was one of the most moving memoirs I've read. I really hope Thrace writes more books - fiction and nonfiction. She is a very talented writer and writes prose that is borderline poetry.
From what I read, Thrace's ex-partner is a callous narcissist who ploughs through every boundary that was set - even before his obsession began. His cruelty towards Thrace was outstanding. He dismissed all her inherently female experiences - gynaecological issues, sexual assault, objectification from childhood - and insisted his pornsick, male fantasy of womanhood was what was most important and labelled her unsupportive and a bigot every chance he got.
I can't imagine how hard this experience was for Thrace and I am so impressed by her bravery, resilience and strength to carry on and thrive.
This memoir was written like a letter to Thrace's ex-partner - the person she loved wholeheartedly (and somewhat unconditionally!) but who ultimately betrayed her in such a profound and traumatising way. Thrace interlaced her past with what was happening in the present which made me feel like I was right there with her, witnessing what she experienced firsthand. It was one of the most moving memoirs I've read. I really hope Thrace writes more books - fiction and nonfiction. She is a very talented writer and writes prose that is borderline poetry.
From what I read, Thrace's ex-partner is a callous narcissist who ploughs through every boundary that was set - even before his obsession began. His cruelty towards Thrace was outstanding. He dismissed all her inherently female experiences - gynaecological issues, sexual assault, objectification from childhood - and insisted his pornsick, male fantasy of womanhood was what was most important and labelled her unsupportive and a bigot every chance he got.
I can't imagine how hard this experience was for Thrace and I am so impressed by her bravery, resilience and strength to carry on and thrive.
November 30, 2023
very angry screed
This book is a painful portrayal of a marriage gone completely off the rails. For me, as a transfemme/nonbinary person, I kept wondering if this was fiction, or if the author's spouse really was as absurd, depressed, narcissistic, selfish, and ridiculous as the author portray's them. Nothing about this person remotely resembled any of the many trans people i know. The point of view is also weird here; cis lesbians in general are more supportive of trans women than just about any other group in society, yet the author goes out of her way to paint a depiction of a deranged spouse (who perhaps really is that deranged?) while strawmanning several culture war issues in the background. If this author is real and these events actually happened, I feel bad for her, as the level of pain and hurt is evident here, but to generalize anything about trans people from this book would be a big mistake.
This book is a painful portrayal of a marriage gone completely off the rails. For me, as a transfemme/nonbinary person, I kept wondering if this was fiction, or if the author's spouse really was as absurd, depressed, narcissistic, selfish, and ridiculous as the author portray's them. Nothing about this person remotely resembled any of the many trans people i know. The point of view is also weird here; cis lesbians in general are more supportive of trans women than just about any other group in society, yet the author goes out of her way to paint a depiction of a deranged spouse (who perhaps really is that deranged?) while strawmanning several culture war issues in the background. If this author is real and these events actually happened, I feel bad for her, as the level of pain and hurt is evident here, but to generalize anything about trans people from this book would be a big mistake.
March 14, 2024
I have no words. Almost no words. I found this while looking for memoirs by non-binary people. Obviously, it’s not that. Instead it’s a memoir by a woman who has co-opted her ex’s transition journey and made it all about her. The worst thing about this book isn’t even the fact that it was written (mistake #1) or published (mistake #2) - it’s the non-zero number of positive reviews touting the author as “brave” and “virtuous”. Please don’t mind me as I vomit. And to all you “trans widows” (yes, they’ve really gone there), you should be ashamed of yourselves. Actual trans people are actually dying every day from violence by people who are just like you but wield weapons instead of words while you make a mockery of their deaths.
January 21, 2024
Riveting--I couldn't put it down after I started reading. Shannon Thrace is a great writer and a thoughtful, philosophical person. This is a fascinating and intimate look at a marriage, as it goes from good to completely unraveling. Heart-wrenching--you feel like you are experiencing the author's pain along with her as she tries her hardest to adapt and support her spouse, while at the same time she is finding there is less and less room for her own feelings and needs in the marriage.
April 4, 2024
While I liked the subject matter, I found myself wanting to know more about Shannon’s husband and how he came to his decision to be a woman. An interesting book on transgender women.
April 12, 2025
A well-written memoir. A must read for anyone going through a similar situation.
October 17, 2025
Absolutely amazing. Unfortunately, women like Shannon are being silenced regularly and not allowed to tell their truth. The book was gripping, sometimes infuriating, and I found myself engrossed.
May 12, 2025
I hope that Shannon has set up some boundaries in re to relationships by now. She is so talented and brilliant. I hope she'll goes on have a happy & fulfilling life.
It is so obvious that Jamie saw Shannon as an easy alternative to his wife. Shannon had a more promising financial future and didn't want kids. That is perfect for Kit, as he is against anything that may involve personal responsibility. In Shannon, he saw a life$tyle upgrade and financial provider. Men are transactional in relationships. That is their nature. To men, LOVE IS A VERB. What will you DO for me? How will I BENEFIT? It would do Shannon well to understand this. (Although I bet she supported Isabel as well...) Their relationship was extremely UNHEALTHY before the crossdressing. She often describes their early relationship as a mother-son dynamic, as opposed to an adult relationship. She praises his insipid philosophical ramblings, kisses his forehead to comfort him before a medical procedure, makes an annual Christmas craft with him, does the housework as he is incapable, strokes his back at night when he's "sad", and pays all of the bills. Really, is he five years old? She saw no problem with being the only ADULT in the relationship? How did she think this would go? How did she think it was healthy to do all of the financial, emotional, and day-to-day labor while praising his stupid little passion projects? She thought this was good/ normal/ healthy??? You're better than this, Shannon. You were ALWAYS out of his league. Women, PLEASE STOP ALLOWING PEOPLE TO TREAT YOU THIS WAY. I really hope that Shannon has developed some STANDARDS & BOUNDARIES in the wake of this trainwreck of a "relationship".
The truth is, Jamie was never the "good person" Shannon thought he was. He always harbored resentment toward her and longed to compete with her. His weight loss was the catalyst that finally propelled him to "transition" and become a better (more sexually appealing) "woman" than he believed Shannon could ever be. To Jamie, being "hot" is all there is to being a woman. With his weight finally shed and Shannon entering middle age, he could finally defeat her (and hopefully she would still be there to pay the bills!).
Also, can the pretentious Left stop citing Foucault as an authority please? Before he passed, the man claimed that all of his philosophy was bollocks he created as a ruse to gain access to young boys to victimize!
Great book!
It is so obvious that Jamie saw Shannon as an easy alternative to his wife. Shannon had a more promising financial future and didn't want kids. That is perfect for Kit, as he is against anything that may involve personal responsibility. In Shannon, he saw a life$tyle upgrade and financial provider. Men are transactional in relationships. That is their nature. To men, LOVE IS A VERB. What will you DO for me? How will I BENEFIT? It would do Shannon well to understand this. (Although I bet she supported Isabel as well...) Their relationship was extremely UNHEALTHY before the crossdressing. She often describes their early relationship as a mother-son dynamic, as opposed to an adult relationship. She praises his insipid philosophical ramblings, kisses his forehead to comfort him before a medical procedure, makes an annual Christmas craft with him, does the housework as he is incapable, strokes his back at night when he's "sad", and pays all of the bills. Really, is he five years old? She saw no problem with being the only ADULT in the relationship? How did she think this would go? How did she think it was healthy to do all of the financial, emotional, and day-to-day labor while praising his stupid little passion projects? She thought this was good/ normal/ healthy??? You're better than this, Shannon. You were ALWAYS out of his league. Women, PLEASE STOP ALLOWING PEOPLE TO TREAT YOU THIS WAY. I really hope that Shannon has developed some STANDARDS & BOUNDARIES in the wake of this trainwreck of a "relationship".
The truth is, Jamie was never the "good person" Shannon thought he was. He always harbored resentment toward her and longed to compete with her. His weight loss was the catalyst that finally propelled him to "transition" and become a better (more sexually appealing) "woman" than he believed Shannon could ever be. To Jamie, being "hot" is all there is to being a woman. With his weight finally shed and Shannon entering middle age, he could finally defeat her (and hopefully she would still be there to pay the bills!).
Also, can the pretentious Left stop citing Foucault as an authority please? Before he passed, the man claimed that all of his philosophy was bollocks he created as a ruse to gain access to young boys to victimize!
Great book!
April 2, 2024
This memoir is not an easy read...and that's a good thing. The story of Shannon Thrace's marriage is a difficult one, but it's one that should be read and shared, particularly in these days of fantastic beliefs about sex and gender.
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