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Life's That Way
I'm no Job - though I think we went to the same school....So says Jim Beaver in this memoir.
In August 2003, Jim and his wife, Cecily, received what they thought was the worst news possible - their daughter, Maddie, was autistic. Then, six weeks later, the roof fell in - Cecily was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer.
Jim immediately began writing a nightly e-mail as a way to keep 125 family and friends up-to-date about Cecily's condition. Soon four thousand people around the world were reading it. Initially a cathartic exercise for Jim, the prose turned into an unforgettable journey for his readers. Life's That Way is a compilation of those e-mails; yet what started out as nightly missives makes for a unique and compelling, wholly original reading experience.
Life's That Way is not an author looking back on his experience with the advantage of hindsight - there is an immediacy to this book that is singular. While highly personal, Beaver's experience is at the same time universal for anybody who has lost a loved one.
But Life's That Way is not solely about loss. It is a day-by-day account of what it's like to discover the joy of a child, to be on the receiving end of unthinkable kindness, and to navigate life anew. As Beaver says, these are hard-won blessings. Then again, life's that way.
In August 2003, Jim and his wife, Cecily, received what they thought was the worst news possible - their daughter, Maddie, was autistic. Then, six weeks later, the roof fell in - Cecily was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer.
Jim immediately began writing a nightly e-mail as a way to keep 125 family and friends up-to-date about Cecily's condition. Soon four thousand people around the world were reading it. Initially a cathartic exercise for Jim, the prose turned into an unforgettable journey for his readers. Life's That Way is a compilation of those e-mails; yet what started out as nightly missives makes for a unique and compelling, wholly original reading experience.
Life's That Way is not an author looking back on his experience with the advantage of hindsight - there is an immediacy to this book that is singular. While highly personal, Beaver's experience is at the same time universal for anybody who has lost a loved one.
But Life's That Way is not solely about loss. It is a day-by-day account of what it's like to discover the joy of a child, to be on the receiving end of unthinkable kindness, and to navigate life anew. As Beaver says, these are hard-won blessings. Then again, life's that way.
303 pages, Hardcover
First published April 16, 2009
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February 3, 2024
Well, I wrote it, so I shan't be reviewing it! I admit, however, to feeling quite positive about it.
July 22, 2018
These days I’m truly out of touch when it comes to TV and popular culture. I’d never heard of Jim Beaver until reading this book. Whether you’ve heard of him or not, it really doesn’t matter. Jim Beaver’s wife was diagnosed with Stage Four Lung Cancer.
Around the same time, their two-year-old daughter was diagnosed as autistic. Rather than calling every single friend and family member, he started sending emails, since that was more efficient. This book is a collection of all those open, honest, and heartbreaking emails that he wrote over the course of a year (2003-2004). I would recommend it to pretty much anyone – those who are grieving especially. I feel so grateful to have found this book. It reminded me even further of what’s important in life. It can change one’s perspective. I love it. Perhaps you will too.
I’m sharing my top three favorite quotes here. There are far too many quotes to include. All the other quotes that I love can be found below my review.
“On the other hand, comfort of a sort is providable. It consists in large part of copping to the inability to be comforting. As contradictory as this seems, I (and, I’m told, many other people) have found it immeasurably more helpful for someone to say, ‘I have no idea how you must feel,’ or ‘I can’t imagine your pain.’ Just saying this and making clear that you hear and acknowledge the pain, though you have no answers, goes light-years beyond any attempt to repair a griever’s spirits. The knowledge of a loving soul’s presence and willingness to be present and to hear and absorb one’s grief is a powerful resource for the griever. I’ve had more comfort from people saying, ‘I don’t know what to say,’ than from a hundred people telling me good reasons I shouldn’t feel as bad as I do. I know that whatever is said to a griever by concerned friends, whether ultimately helpful or distressing, comes from the very best of intentions. But if you happen on a broken heart, stand nearby, whisper, ‘I’m here,’ and never, ever, tell it you know how it feels.”
“With all the thousands upon thousands of people suffering from this disease, how can I find her pain and mine so surprising, so unexpected? How can we not all know about this stuff on a daily basis, if so many go through it? Are we all really so isolated from the trauma and torment around us? People in my own family have gone through this. I’ve sat by the deathbeds of friends who lived every moment of this. Yet this is all so utterly unexpected and so much more than I believed it could be. It’s like having lived all one’s life in a cavern, only to have the harsh light of a thousand suns blasted in upon you. Except this light is dark, pitch-dark, and throbs rather than pierces. How can I not have known what so many people have gone through? The only answer I can conjure is that a kind Providence keeps us blind to the intensity of suffering so as to keep us sane, until that day when the suffering is our own or that of someone we love beyond imagining.”
“Pray, hum, and give a ferocious hug to the ones you love most. You never know when you might want that hug with all your soul, and not be able to give it or get it.”
Around the same time, their two-year-old daughter was diagnosed as autistic. Rather than calling every single friend and family member, he started sending emails, since that was more efficient. This book is a collection of all those open, honest, and heartbreaking emails that he wrote over the course of a year (2003-2004). I would recommend it to pretty much anyone – those who are grieving especially. I feel so grateful to have found this book. It reminded me even further of what’s important in life. It can change one’s perspective. I love it. Perhaps you will too.
I’m sharing my top three favorite quotes here. There are far too many quotes to include. All the other quotes that I love can be found below my review.
“On the other hand, comfort of a sort is providable. It consists in large part of copping to the inability to be comforting. As contradictory as this seems, I (and, I’m told, many other people) have found it immeasurably more helpful for someone to say, ‘I have no idea how you must feel,’ or ‘I can’t imagine your pain.’ Just saying this and making clear that you hear and acknowledge the pain, though you have no answers, goes light-years beyond any attempt to repair a griever’s spirits. The knowledge of a loving soul’s presence and willingness to be present and to hear and absorb one’s grief is a powerful resource for the griever. I’ve had more comfort from people saying, ‘I don’t know what to say,’ than from a hundred people telling me good reasons I shouldn’t feel as bad as I do. I know that whatever is said to a griever by concerned friends, whether ultimately helpful or distressing, comes from the very best of intentions. But if you happen on a broken heart, stand nearby, whisper, ‘I’m here,’ and never, ever, tell it you know how it feels.”
“With all the thousands upon thousands of people suffering from this disease, how can I find her pain and mine so surprising, so unexpected? How can we not all know about this stuff on a daily basis, if so many go through it? Are we all really so isolated from the trauma and torment around us? People in my own family have gone through this. I’ve sat by the deathbeds of friends who lived every moment of this. Yet this is all so utterly unexpected and so much more than I believed it could be. It’s like having lived all one’s life in a cavern, only to have the harsh light of a thousand suns blasted in upon you. Except this light is dark, pitch-dark, and throbs rather than pierces. How can I not have known what so many people have gone through? The only answer I can conjure is that a kind Providence keeps us blind to the intensity of suffering so as to keep us sane, until that day when the suffering is our own or that of someone we love beyond imagining.”
“Pray, hum, and give a ferocious hug to the ones you love most. You never know when you might want that hug with all your soul, and not be able to give it or get it.”
March 8, 2012
Oh, my. I read this book out of curiosity, because Jim Beaver is one of my favorite characters (Bobby Singer) on one of my favorite TV shows (Supernatural). Little did I know that Beaver is also an eloquent writer, a humble and yet humorous man, with a powerful faith and a powerful love for his wife and daughter that shines through every page.
The story of his wife's tragic battle with cancer and the months that follow her loss is gripping, as Beaver chronicles their story in nightly emails (the book is a "best of" collection of his emails). At times he is filled with hope, at others with despair. He talks unashamedly about sobbing with grief, he recounts funny anecdotes about his daughter who had been diagnosed with autism shortly before Cecily was diagnosed with cancer, and he details the many kindnesses big and small that his family experienced during that year. Beaver believes in God, but he also believes in humanity, and it was moving to hear of the friends and family who pulled together for their sake. From the big things like helping them move into their new house to the little things like bringing over some groceries, I felt myself glowing with the love and grace that shines from the pages of this book.
Even if you don't know anything about Jim Beaver or "his girl" Cecily Adams, even if you don't care about "cancer stories," this is an amazing book.
The story of his wife's tragic battle with cancer and the months that follow her loss is gripping, as Beaver chronicles their story in nightly emails (the book is a "best of" collection of his emails). At times he is filled with hope, at others with despair. He talks unashamedly about sobbing with grief, he recounts funny anecdotes about his daughter who had been diagnosed with autism shortly before Cecily was diagnosed with cancer, and he details the many kindnesses big and small that his family experienced during that year. Beaver believes in God, but he also believes in humanity, and it was moving to hear of the friends and family who pulled together for their sake. From the big things like helping them move into their new house to the little things like bringing over some groceries, I felt myself glowing with the love and grace that shines from the pages of this book.
Even if you don't know anything about Jim Beaver or "his girl" Cecily Adams, even if you don't care about "cancer stories," this is an amazing book.
June 18, 2019
Jim Beaver is, amongst other things, an actor, best known for his roles as Ellsworth in Deadwood and Bobby Singer on Supernatural, but you might also have seen him in some random TV show or movie.
I'm a big Supernatural fan and bought this book on a whim from Beaver's website, where I'd read an extract. The came signed with the most endearing dedication written in incorrect adorable German. I literally had no expectations about the book, only knowing it was a memoir of sorts. It turned out not to be a memoir in the sense of a biography, but a memoir of grief. The book is an edited collection of e-mails Beaver wrote wrote the moment of his wife's cancer diagnoses until a year later.
This is a rough read, not because it's not well-written, but because it's an unflinching report of what it means to lose your partner to cancer and suddenly face life as single parent. It's like reading someone's journal. So even if you find yourself not agreeing with everything (it's, um, how shall I put this, very American with a capital A), it doesn't really matter. You're listening to someone tell you about his truth and his loss with honesty, sadness and also, surprisingly, humor. I think it's difficult not to feel for him and admire his ability to keep going. In this way, it's also a very life-affirming book.
I'm a big Supernatural fan and bought this book on a whim from Beaver's website, where I'd read an extract. The came signed with the most endearing dedication written in incorrect adorable German. I literally had no expectations about the book, only knowing it was a memoir of sorts. It turned out not to be a memoir in the sense of a biography, but a memoir of grief. The book is an edited collection of e-mails Beaver wrote wrote the moment of his wife's cancer diagnoses until a year later.
This is a rough read, not because it's not well-written, but because it's an unflinching report of what it means to lose your partner to cancer and suddenly face life as single parent. It's like reading someone's journal. So even if you find yourself not agreeing with everything (it's, um, how shall I put this, very American with a capital A), it doesn't really matter. You're listening to someone tell you about his truth and his loss with honesty, sadness and also, surprisingly, humor. I think it's difficult not to feel for him and admire his ability to keep going. In this way, it's also a very life-affirming book.
September 24, 2012
There are no words that can begin to describe this book. I read it in a single sitting, unable to put it down, and needed a box of tissues beside me because I cried at least twice.
What Jim did is take an incredibly painful experience and help us, his readers, not only understand what he was going through, but we also experienced it with him.
His writing is eloquent and he speaks straight from the heart. You don't have to be famous to understand what he went through. It's something all of us have experienced at one time or another.
What made the book all the more poignant for me is when he played a character on Supernatural named Bobby Singer and in an episode in Season 5 he had to watch his on-screen wife die slowly. I truly have no clue how he made it through that episode.
I thoroughly enjoyed his book and learned a great deal from it about how we treat those around us who are grieving. What to say, what not to say. How to best help. How best to honor our loved one's memory.
Not only do I admire Jim as an actor, I admire him as an author and as a person. He is truly a mensch in every sense of the word.
What Jim did is take an incredibly painful experience and help us, his readers, not only understand what he was going through, but we also experienced it with him.
His writing is eloquent and he speaks straight from the heart. You don't have to be famous to understand what he went through. It's something all of us have experienced at one time or another.
What made the book all the more poignant for me is when he played a character on Supernatural named Bobby Singer and in an episode in Season 5 he had to watch his on-screen wife die slowly. I truly have no clue how he made it through that episode.
I thoroughly enjoyed his book and learned a great deal from it about how we treat those around us who are grieving. What to say, what not to say. How to best help. How best to honor our loved one's memory.
Not only do I admire Jim as an actor, I admire him as an author and as a person. He is truly a mensch in every sense of the word.
May 23, 2011
This book touched me a way I didn't expect. I expected it to be sad and I expected it to be hard to read what I didn't expect was how much it influenced my thoughts. The honest feelings shared within these pages really will influence my life. There were so many phrases, experiences that left me with a better appreciation for life and for those I love. Nobody is perfect, nobody has no regrets but I think its clear you never truly understand what you have till its gone. I feel better for having read this journey he took. Aside from a compelling book the prose and the words were incredible to read. I found myself jotting down phrase after phrase of inspiration. I highly recommend this book! I feel like I learned so much and gained a better appreciation for all the small moments that may often be remembered as BIG.
September 8, 2009
If I'd never heard of Jim Beaver, never 'known' Bobby Singer (from the TV Show "Supernatural"), never watched him in any TV Show, I would admire this man simply for the story he's shared in this book.
Anyone looking to read this book probably knows the basics of the story it contains, but I will quote specifics in this review, so read with that in mind.
The book jacket calls this a memoir.
"In August 2003, Jim and his wife Cecily received what they thought was the worst news possible--their daughter, Maddie, was autistic. Then, six weeks later, the roof fell in--Cecily was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer."
It is so much more than a memoir; to me, a memoir is a story that looks back on an experience in a person's life. It encompasses the lessons learned and the balance achieved after one has survived. Jim's story is told very much in the now. He wrote nightly emails to family and friends--who passed them on to other friends--almost every night for a year.
As you read this story, you are swept up in the events as they happened to Jim and his family. It is extraordinary. I've never read a book quite like it. I tend to stay away from non-fiction, preferring the escapism of fiction as I feel my life contains enough real-world drama. And I will admit that the reason I picked this book up was because of Bobby.
But I have since recommended the book to my book club--all but one of whom have no idea who Bobby Singer is--and to anyone else I can. Because I believe that anyone can read this book and walk away with a different perspective on their life. Regardless of if you've experienced the loss of a loved one, or had a challenging diagnosis of your child--Jim's story transcends those details.
It's a love story, really. Love of self, love of selflessness, love of humanity, love of a mate, love of a parent, love of a child. It's honest and raw and it hurts to read and I couldn't put it down. When I saw the title, I interpreted it to mean that's just how things are. But when you read the book, you realize it's a compass. Move forward, keeping going, life is _that_ way.
I am married to an amazing man. He's my friend, my lover, my greatest source of strength and my greatest source of frustration. This June celebrated 8 years of marriage. We've been through serious health scares, surgeries, debt, loss of loved ones, the birth of a child, change of careers, and the seven-year-itch.
As I read this book, though, I found myself wondering if my husband and I knew each other as well as Cecily and Jim. At one point in the story, Jim's entire entry is a laundry list of things that Cecily loved. There are 73 items in the list. And it's basic, and it's beautiful, and it made me think about my guy. And wonder if I could list 73 things that he likes. And if I'd be right.
"I don't know how to express what this girl means to me."
It's those such unexpected, quick phrases that sucked the air from the room and had my heartbeat echoing in my ears as I applied his passion to my own life and came up short.
"How incredibly far our lives drift from where we knew with all certainty they would go. How little today resembles what yesterday thought it would look like."
Jim's simple, eloquent wording struck a chord in me that is still playing loud and strong days after I've finished this story of a piece of his life. Sometimes, in a moment of instinctive protection, I don't allow myself to truly feel all that a moment in time allows for. I curl in and let the emotions bounce off of me so that I can keep moving forward. But I realize that by doing this, I've missed out on the good parts of such a moment as well as the bad.
And therefore, it's harder to remember the moment in it's entirety. And there are some moments, however painful, however ugly, however dreaded, that need to be remembered and savored and learned from and appreciated. Because that's how we grow. That's how we learn.
"As my comrade Tom says, we soldier on, right foot after left, cursing the mud that sucks at our feet to drag us down, and praying that our steps lead us out of and not deeper into the valley of the shadow."
Each night we are privy to Jim's thoughts, emotions, anger, sadness, glory, humility, and joy. He writes with unabashed honesty as he travels the path of his wife's disease, going from frightened spouse to single parent and letting us know that above all, there is goodness in the world. Despite the darkness that settled on their little family, there was light all around them and it sustained him and he was able to continue on because of it.
I guarantee you that if choose to read this story, if you choose to travel this journey, you will emerge on the other side with your world brighter. You may cry, you may rub at your aching heart, you may even want to put it down half-way through because you just can't take any more... but when you finish this year with Jim, you will know that humanity is one of the greatest things on this earth because of it's capacity to give and it's need to take and it's fortitude to fight through the darkest times of life.
Anyone looking to read this book probably knows the basics of the story it contains, but I will quote specifics in this review, so read with that in mind.
The book jacket calls this a memoir.
"In August 2003, Jim and his wife Cecily received what they thought was the worst news possible--their daughter, Maddie, was autistic. Then, six weeks later, the roof fell in--Cecily was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer."
It is so much more than a memoir; to me, a memoir is a story that looks back on an experience in a person's life. It encompasses the lessons learned and the balance achieved after one has survived. Jim's story is told very much in the now. He wrote nightly emails to family and friends--who passed them on to other friends--almost every night for a year.
As you read this story, you are swept up in the events as they happened to Jim and his family. It is extraordinary. I've never read a book quite like it. I tend to stay away from non-fiction, preferring the escapism of fiction as I feel my life contains enough real-world drama. And I will admit that the reason I picked this book up was because of Bobby.
But I have since recommended the book to my book club--all but one of whom have no idea who Bobby Singer is--and to anyone else I can. Because I believe that anyone can read this book and walk away with a different perspective on their life. Regardless of if you've experienced the loss of a loved one, or had a challenging diagnosis of your child--Jim's story transcends those details.
It's a love story, really. Love of self, love of selflessness, love of humanity, love of a mate, love of a parent, love of a child. It's honest and raw and it hurts to read and I couldn't put it down. When I saw the title, I interpreted it to mean that's just how things are. But when you read the book, you realize it's a compass. Move forward, keeping going, life is _that_ way.
I am married to an amazing man. He's my friend, my lover, my greatest source of strength and my greatest source of frustration. This June celebrated 8 years of marriage. We've been through serious health scares, surgeries, debt, loss of loved ones, the birth of a child, change of careers, and the seven-year-itch.
As I read this book, though, I found myself wondering if my husband and I knew each other as well as Cecily and Jim. At one point in the story, Jim's entire entry is a laundry list of things that Cecily loved. There are 73 items in the list. And it's basic, and it's beautiful, and it made me think about my guy. And wonder if I could list 73 things that he likes. And if I'd be right.
"I don't know how to express what this girl means to me."
It's those such unexpected, quick phrases that sucked the air from the room and had my heartbeat echoing in my ears as I applied his passion to my own life and came up short.
"How incredibly far our lives drift from where we knew with all certainty they would go. How little today resembles what yesterday thought it would look like."
Jim's simple, eloquent wording struck a chord in me that is still playing loud and strong days after I've finished this story of a piece of his life. Sometimes, in a moment of instinctive protection, I don't allow myself to truly feel all that a moment in time allows for. I curl in and let the emotions bounce off of me so that I can keep moving forward. But I realize that by doing this, I've missed out on the good parts of such a moment as well as the bad.
And therefore, it's harder to remember the moment in it's entirety. And there are some moments, however painful, however ugly, however dreaded, that need to be remembered and savored and learned from and appreciated. Because that's how we grow. That's how we learn.
"As my comrade Tom says, we soldier on, right foot after left, cursing the mud that sucks at our feet to drag us down, and praying that our steps lead us out of and not deeper into the valley of the shadow."
Each night we are privy to Jim's thoughts, emotions, anger, sadness, glory, humility, and joy. He writes with unabashed honesty as he travels the path of his wife's disease, going from frightened spouse to single parent and letting us know that above all, there is goodness in the world. Despite the darkness that settled on their little family, there was light all around them and it sustained him and he was able to continue on because of it.
I guarantee you that if choose to read this story, if you choose to travel this journey, you will emerge on the other side with your world brighter. You may cry, you may rub at your aching heart, you may even want to put it down half-way through because you just can't take any more... but when you finish this year with Jim, you will know that humanity is one of the greatest things on this earth because of it's capacity to give and it's need to take and it's fortitude to fight through the darkest times of life.
May 13, 2010
How do you rate a book full of such honesty, tragedy, courage, hope, and every other emotion with a certain number of stars...it just seemms horribly inept. I will however rate this book based upon the emotional impact that it had on me and that was huge.
My mom's mother died of cancer when my mom was just six (and she lost her dad just a few years later) and knowing what it was like for her made me think of the road that Mr. Beaver's little girl Maddie will have to face. It will not be easy for but luckily she has a very strong dad to help her and hold her hand along the way.
Jim Beaver shares with the reader his love, frustrations, insecurities and imperfections. I applaud him for sharing his journal and may Cecily rest in peace knowing how much she was loved by her husband and her daughter.
My mom's mother died of cancer when my mom was just six (and she lost her dad just a few years later) and knowing what it was like for her made me think of the road that Mr. Beaver's little girl Maddie will have to face. It will not be easy for but luckily she has a very strong dad to help her and hold her hand along the way.
Jim Beaver shares with the reader his love, frustrations, insecurities and imperfections. I applaud him for sharing his journal and may Cecily rest in peace knowing how much she was loved by her husband and her daughter.
May 8, 2016
This should be an Oprah book club choice and a national best-seller.
I stumbled across this book via Marquita Herald’s Website, Emotionally Resilient Living, where she quoted him. I’ve long been a Jim Beaver fan via the TV show, Supernatural, but, neglectfully, had never researched him to discover that he is also a writer.
This book is one to be read in small doses. I started it in March and took until May to finish.
It is the unembellished near-nightly emails that Mr. Beaver shared with an ever-expanding group of family and friends when his wife, Cecily, was diagnosed with cancer. It takes us through the journey of her treatment for the six or so months leading up to her death and then beyond, into the story of survival.
It is hard to read this book because for anyone who has experienced intense grief, his open, Band-Aid-has-been-pulled-off, writing style digs directly into your heart and makes you feel. All over again or anew or still or wherever your heart is in your grieving. You will ride those waves again and identify with his descriptions of loss and courage and succumbing to your emotions over and over.
My edition has dog-eared pages, highlighted passages and dated notes scribbled in the margins. One phrase repeatedly resounds, “…nothing I’ve picked up from the grief of others in the course of my life has prepared me for what this feels like.” I couldn’t agree more.
Another passage that struck with full force is: “But I recall thinking then that the loneliest place on earth was an empty house from which someone had deliberately left you. Not true. The loneliest place on earth is an empty house from which someone was taken from you.”
In chapter twelve, he speaks of pushing himself to listen to a passage of music that had been a favorite shared with his wife. Of making himself do it, to get through it, to get to the other side. In living through loss in my life, I discovered, too, this need to push on, to succumb to the emotions, the grief as it coursed through my heart and physically through my body. It is the way to survive grief that wrecks your heart.
If you are brave, read this book.
If you are stuck in a place of loss or grief, read this book.
If you are close to someone going through the death of a loved one, read this book and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find a new way to help them see that Life’s That Way.
I stumbled across this book via Marquita Herald’s Website, Emotionally Resilient Living, where she quoted him. I’ve long been a Jim Beaver fan via the TV show, Supernatural, but, neglectfully, had never researched him to discover that he is also a writer.
This book is one to be read in small doses. I started it in March and took until May to finish.
It is the unembellished near-nightly emails that Mr. Beaver shared with an ever-expanding group of family and friends when his wife, Cecily, was diagnosed with cancer. It takes us through the journey of her treatment for the six or so months leading up to her death and then beyond, into the story of survival.
It is hard to read this book because for anyone who has experienced intense grief, his open, Band-Aid-has-been-pulled-off, writing style digs directly into your heart and makes you feel. All over again or anew or still or wherever your heart is in your grieving. You will ride those waves again and identify with his descriptions of loss and courage and succumbing to your emotions over and over.
My edition has dog-eared pages, highlighted passages and dated notes scribbled in the margins. One phrase repeatedly resounds, “…nothing I’ve picked up from the grief of others in the course of my life has prepared me for what this feels like.” I couldn’t agree more.
Another passage that struck with full force is: “But I recall thinking then that the loneliest place on earth was an empty house from which someone had deliberately left you. Not true. The loneliest place on earth is an empty house from which someone was taken from you.”
In chapter twelve, he speaks of pushing himself to listen to a passage of music that had been a favorite shared with his wife. Of making himself do it, to get through it, to get to the other side. In living through loss in my life, I discovered, too, this need to push on, to succumb to the emotions, the grief as it coursed through my heart and physically through my body. It is the way to survive grief that wrecks your heart.
If you are brave, read this book.
If you are stuck in a place of loss or grief, read this book.
If you are close to someone going through the death of a loved one, read this book and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find a new way to help them see that Life’s That Way.
April 23, 2009
Available for purchase on April 16th! Please check out the reviews for Jim's memoir, "Life's That Way" at Amazon.com.
Jim has a personal blog - open to public - at MySpace.com.
A deeply moving, inspirational story of courage in the face of unexpected and tragic loss, love in the face of fear and an absolute refusal to live in self-pity and anger.
In 2003, actor/writer Jim Beaver and wife, Cecily Adams had it all - a beautiful young daughter, careers taking off after years of hard work. Jim's skilled portrayal of grizzled, gritty, mild-mannered gentleman curmudgeon, Ellsworth on HBO's acclaimed series, "Deadwood" had Hollywood talking Emmy nominations. Within a few short months, the acclaim, accolades and fame would take last place to diagnosis of autisim in their beloved Maddie, followed just a few weeks later with Cecily's diagnosis of late, stage-four lung cancer, which she succumbed to only four months later.
A weaker soul could justly lay claim to lifelong despair, rage, bitterness and withdrawal but he would have none of it. In the weeks, months and years following Cecily's passing and the raising of Maddie, Jim found strength and will in his writing of a nightly letter to friends and loved ones. This letter ended up as a blog at MySpace and the outpouring of support went from dozens to thousands. Jim shares openly, honestly, nakedly about his transition from sadness and grief, through his devotion to Maddie and determination to greet life on life's terms, with acceptance, compassion and humor.
Anyone who has or is currently going through a rough patch or in a situation comprised of seemingly overwhelming odds can find much inspiration in Jim's writing. There's no 'guru' posturing here, a notion I'm certain he'd find abhorrent - just honest - painfully so - reflection and writing about the fact that "Life's That Way".
Check out more at Amazon.com and pre-order.
Jim has a personal blog - open to public - at MySpace.com.
A deeply moving, inspirational story of courage in the face of unexpected and tragic loss, love in the face of fear and an absolute refusal to live in self-pity and anger.
In 2003, actor/writer Jim Beaver and wife, Cecily Adams had it all - a beautiful young daughter, careers taking off after years of hard work. Jim's skilled portrayal of grizzled, gritty, mild-mannered gentleman curmudgeon, Ellsworth on HBO's acclaimed series, "Deadwood" had Hollywood talking Emmy nominations. Within a few short months, the acclaim, accolades and fame would take last place to diagnosis of autisim in their beloved Maddie, followed just a few weeks later with Cecily's diagnosis of late, stage-four lung cancer, which she succumbed to only four months later.
A weaker soul could justly lay claim to lifelong despair, rage, bitterness and withdrawal but he would have none of it. In the weeks, months and years following Cecily's passing and the raising of Maddie, Jim found strength and will in his writing of a nightly letter to friends and loved ones. This letter ended up as a blog at MySpace and the outpouring of support went from dozens to thousands. Jim shares openly, honestly, nakedly about his transition from sadness and grief, through his devotion to Maddie and determination to greet life on life's terms, with acceptance, compassion and humor.
Anyone who has or is currently going through a rough patch or in a situation comprised of seemingly overwhelming odds can find much inspiration in Jim's writing. There's no 'guru' posturing here, a notion I'm certain he'd find abhorrent - just honest - painfully so - reflection and writing about the fact that "Life's That Way".
Check out more at Amazon.com and pre-order.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 30, 2017
Jim Beaver gewährt dem Leser einen tiefen und persönlichen Einblick in das Jahr, in dem seine Frau schwer erkrankt und er nach ihrem Tod mit der zweijährigen, autistischen Tochter alleine zurückbleibt. Dabei stehen natürlich die Trauer und die Ängste im Vordergrund, doch reflektiert der Autor auch immer wieder seine Ehe und sein Verhalten in dieser schwierigen Zeit auf eine fast schon schonungslose Weise, die mich beeindruckt hat. Gleichzeitig ist durch das ganze Buch hinweg zu spüren wie stark die Liebe zu seiner Frau war und wie viel sie ihm bedeutet hat.
Life's That Way ist ein sehr ehrliches Buch, das dem Leser feuchte Augen beschert, doch es zeigt auf eine ermutigende Weise, dass das Leben immer weiter geht und man lernt mit dem Verlust eines geliebten Menschen umzugehen.
Life's That Way ist ein sehr ehrliches Buch, das dem Leser feuchte Augen beschert, doch es zeigt auf eine ermutigende Weise, dass das Leben immer weiter geht und man lernt mit dem Verlust eines geliebten Menschen umzugehen.
July 25, 2009
In "Deadwood," the second best TV show ever made, Calamity Jane said, "Every day takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin' live," and I thought about that line when I read this this memoir by another Deadwood actor. Jim Beaver is an excellent writer; his book is plain-spoken, funny, grueling, and impossible to put down, with none of the show-offy-ness of a lot of the so-called "literary" memoirs I've been reading lately. And I'd like to read a follow-up in about five years, just to see how things turned out!
July 25, 2012
This is a hard review for me to write. I should preface this review by saying a couple things. Firstly, I don't tend to read non-fiction books. I prefer fantasy to real-life when I am reading. Secondly, I sought out this book originally because I, like many other readers, am a Supernatural fan. I have always loved the character Jim plays, Bobby Singer. Thirdly, I never thought that I would willingly read a book that deals with this kind of real life loss.
This book is written in real time, so what you are reading is not something that was written years, or even days after the fact. Each journal type entry was written the day that it happens. He is very specific in the introduction of the book to let the reader know that each entry was left as it was originally written. He didn't go back and add things that he thought about later. What is there is exactly what was being gone through at that particular moment or day.
This started out as a nightly email to let family and friends know what was happening and ended up reaching near to 4000 people nightly within a months time. This spans exactly one years time. There is really no way to "spoil" the book, if anything the synopsis does that. They very fact that it's a memoir puts it all out there as well, so I won't worry about spoilers here. The journals start pretty much with Cecily's diagnosis and Jim continues to write them as he deals with her death and the months that come after it.
As someone who lost my mother to cancer at a very young age, I will say that I applaud Jim for being able to do this. I can only imagine how terribly hard it must have been for him to do. I daresay, that Maddie will greatly appreciate it some day. I was 16-17 when my mother was going through this and I don't remember much of that time. I know that, now, I would love to be able to read someones account of the days, weeks and months that my mother was sick. It would be hard, but I think it would be helpful to understand what everyone was going through.
I love that he is so honest in his entries, it makes it all so real. He is not afraid to put it all out there and let everyone know that it's hard, but he is getting though it. You can see that he is putting everything he has into these entries and he is doing it so beautifully. Each entry is so powerfully written, even if all he says is that he can't bear to write anything today. It seems awful to say that his writing is so beautiful when he is writing about something so horrible, but it's true.
Even if you don't typically read books like this, if you have lost someone to this disease, this is a book I definitely recommend reading. If you like memoirs, then this is a must read as well. I won't read this book again because it was too heart-wrenching to read once, but I will definitely loan it out to others.
This book is written in real time, so what you are reading is not something that was written years, or even days after the fact. Each journal type entry was written the day that it happens. He is very specific in the introduction of the book to let the reader know that each entry was left as it was originally written. He didn't go back and add things that he thought about later. What is there is exactly what was being gone through at that particular moment or day.
This started out as a nightly email to let family and friends know what was happening and ended up reaching near to 4000 people nightly within a months time. This spans exactly one years time. There is really no way to "spoil" the book, if anything the synopsis does that. They very fact that it's a memoir puts it all out there as well, so I won't worry about spoilers here. The journals start pretty much with Cecily's diagnosis and Jim continues to write them as he deals with her death and the months that come after it.
As someone who lost my mother to cancer at a very young age, I will say that I applaud Jim for being able to do this. I can only imagine how terribly hard it must have been for him to do. I daresay, that Maddie will greatly appreciate it some day. I was 16-17 when my mother was going through this and I don't remember much of that time. I know that, now, I would love to be able to read someones account of the days, weeks and months that my mother was sick. It would be hard, but I think it would be helpful to understand what everyone was going through.
I love that he is so honest in his entries, it makes it all so real. He is not afraid to put it all out there and let everyone know that it's hard, but he is getting though it. You can see that he is putting everything he has into these entries and he is doing it so beautifully. Each entry is so powerfully written, even if all he says is that he can't bear to write anything today. It seems awful to say that his writing is so beautiful when he is writing about something so horrible, but it's true.
Even if you don't typically read books like this, if you have lost someone to this disease, this is a book I definitely recommend reading. If you like memoirs, then this is a must read as well. I won't read this book again because it was too heart-wrenching to read once, but I will definitely loan it out to others.
June 27, 2010
Absolutely heart-wrenchingly beautiful.
Jim Beaver's Life's That Way is an amazing book, filled with heartache, joy, triumphs and losses. I fully admit that in the beginning, I only wished to read the book because Mr. Beaver plays a popular character on my favourite show, Supernatural, but I assure you, within the first couple of pages, I completely forgot about the actor, and focused on the man.
Life's That Way is a collection of nightly e-mails that Jim began after his wife, Cecily, was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer, as a way of informing his friends and family on her progress. Each e-mail is so beautifully written, and I found that I had to remind myself that this was not a fictitious novel. This had actually happened to this man and his family, and it had been happening as he wrote these e-mails.
I can't count how many times I found myself putting down the book, with tears threatening to fall. I would take a deep breath, and continue to read, because while absolutely heart-wrenching, this book is also demonstrates hope, determination and awe-inspiring strength.
I recommend this book to anyone who has had someone attacked by cancer, but also to those who have not felt cancer's devastating wrath. It will make you cry and laugh, and appreciate your loved ones that much more.
I felt for Jim and his family the entire time I read this book, and while I've never met Jim, or any members of his family, I was still extremely moved by his words, hardships, and triumphs.
The best book I've ever read.
Jim Beaver's Life's That Way is an amazing book, filled with heartache, joy, triumphs and losses. I fully admit that in the beginning, I only wished to read the book because Mr. Beaver plays a popular character on my favourite show, Supernatural, but I assure you, within the first couple of pages, I completely forgot about the actor, and focused on the man.
Life's That Way is a collection of nightly e-mails that Jim began after his wife, Cecily, was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer, as a way of informing his friends and family on her progress. Each e-mail is so beautifully written, and I found that I had to remind myself that this was not a fictitious novel. This had actually happened to this man and his family, and it had been happening as he wrote these e-mails.
I can't count how many times I found myself putting down the book, with tears threatening to fall. I would take a deep breath, and continue to read, because while absolutely heart-wrenching, this book is also demonstrates hope, determination and awe-inspiring strength.
I recommend this book to anyone who has had someone attacked by cancer, but also to those who have not felt cancer's devastating wrath. It will make you cry and laugh, and appreciate your loved ones that much more.
I felt for Jim and his family the entire time I read this book, and while I've never met Jim, or any members of his family, I was still extremely moved by his words, hardships, and triumphs.
The best book I've ever read.
December 16, 2012
Jim Beaver’s raw and beautiful memoir, at its core, is a love story. The author generously shares a year in his life—a year that would cause many of us to pull the covers over our heads and not emerge for a long, long time. The story begins with news of his wife Cecily’s shocking Stage IV cancer--just months after the couple’s toddler Maddie is diagnosed with autism.
The saga begins in the form of a nightly email to a growing list of family and friends, apprising them of Cecily’s status. But Beaver’s missives quickly move from medical updates to bravely honest accounts of his disbelief, anger, terror, guilt, grief and, most of all, love. The story is engaging and authentic as Beaver prays for a cure, loses his soul mate, becomes a single parent to Maddie and, somehow, manages to pepper it all with a warm, self-deprecating humor.
Don’t be put off by the subject of death—there is nothing maudlin about this book. Life’s That Way is far more about living, loving, friendship and honor. Beaver graciously takes us on the journey with him and, though we share in his profound loss, we also get to share in the hope that follows.
The saga begins in the form of a nightly email to a growing list of family and friends, apprising them of Cecily’s status. But Beaver’s missives quickly move from medical updates to bravely honest accounts of his disbelief, anger, terror, guilt, grief and, most of all, love. The story is engaging and authentic as Beaver prays for a cure, loses his soul mate, becomes a single parent to Maddie and, somehow, manages to pepper it all with a warm, self-deprecating humor.
Don’t be put off by the subject of death—there is nothing maudlin about this book. Life’s That Way is far more about living, loving, friendship and honor. Beaver graciously takes us on the journey with him and, though we share in his profound loss, we also get to share in the hope that follows.
March 25, 2011
I knew going into this that it was going to pull at my heartstrings and have me crying. What I didn't expect was to ride the roller-coaster that is this book. Knowing that these were letters that Mr. Beaver sent out to friends and family and watching the narrative evolve was powerful stuff. I felt as if I were intruding on something private and precious. I felt as if I were watching Maddie grow and found myself shocked and uncertain when Cecily fate finally happened.
What surprised me the most was how, well, ~human~ Jim Beaver came across. You could see in the early letters that he really didn't think that this was something that would evolve into such a life altering event, not only for him but for thousands of others who were following along. He never hid from himself or his readers, he was willing to bare parts of his soul that most of us keep quietly private. He showed the darkness that lurks in relationships and he shows us to always follow life, it's that way -->.
What surprised me the most was how, well, ~human~ Jim Beaver came across. You could see in the early letters that he really didn't think that this was something that would evolve into such a life altering event, not only for him but for thousands of others who were following along. He never hid from himself or his readers, he was willing to bare parts of his soul that most of us keep quietly private. He showed the darkness that lurks in relationships and he shows us to always follow life, it's that way -->.
February 11, 2011
It looks like it took me a long time to read this book, but that's because I had to put it down for a little while mid way through.
Jim Beaver writes so honestly and openly in his book, it's heart breaking yet so full of love at the same time.
Jim made me wish I knew his wife Cecily Adams, and his love for his wife was so beautiful.
This book made me cry many times, and pulled at my heart lots. I put it down as a definite read for all.
Jim Beaver writes so honestly and openly in his book, it's heart breaking yet so full of love at the same time.
Jim made me wish I knew his wife Cecily Adams, and his love for his wife was so beautiful.
This book made me cry many times, and pulled at my heart lots. I put it down as a definite read for all.
Read
July 14, 2009I learned how to hum
June 30, 2013
I read this book a few years ago now and didnt realise I hadnt put up my review here. I did write one ... here goes ...
Wow. What an amazing book. For those of you who don’t know what it’s about …
In August 2003, Jim and his wife Cecily received what they thought was the worst news possible--their daughter, Maddie, was autistic. Then, six weeks later, the roof fell in--Cecily was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer.
… It’s SO much more …
I have had Jim Beaver’s book “Life’s That Way” for a couple of weeks now and I have been reading it in bits and pieces, pretty much whenever I get a spare moment. I didn’t want to put it down and sometimes I couldn’t.
I hadn't known about Jim Beaver until his role of Bobby Singer on Supernatural (although my mother is a big fan of Deadwood). I adore this show, the angst, the family, the love, and the tragedies. It draws me in and makes me feel for the characters.
That is what struck me hard in the face when I began reading even that first of many nightly emails that Jim’s book consisted of. This wasn’t a TV show. These people weren’t characters in a TV show or in some novel. This was a real life situation, a real family and reality of it hit harder the deeper I got into the book. This isn’t just a story told by an author but a real experience by a real man. It’s a tale of hope, fear, love, anger, resentment, joy, kindness, grief and not so much learning how to get rid of it but learning how to live with it and move onto the next phase in life whatever that may bring.
Written over the space of a year it is easy to get lost in Jim’s words, his style and forget that it isn’t happening right there and then as it is in your head when you read. I felt like I was there reading with the thousands of others that had been receiving the emails at the time it was happening.
I got choked up in parts and tears fell on occasion but also a smile or two managed to worm its way onto my face as Jim’s way with words and dry wit that I know so well today were in amongst all the heartache.
I took a lot away from this and will hold onto it. Not because I have been through the same experience or anything close (nothing I was old enough to really remember clearly anyway) but simple life lessons that I think are valuable to all of us. Jim might not consider himself a wise man … but I’ve learnt a lot, so thanks, Jim.
Most of all? This book isn’t just a tale of death and overcoming grief. Jim’s love and devotion to his beloved wife Cecily, their daughter Maddie, his father and anyone lucky enough to call Jim family or friend shines through it all. I’m not sure whether it makes me warm inside or my heart ache for his loss … maybe a bit of both ;)
I’ve since leant my copy to my mother and my grandmother is in waiting to lend it after my mother has finished with it. I have total faith that this book would capture anyone and it comes with my highest of recommendations (whatever that is worth lol)
I fell in love with the man behind “Bobby Singer” years back when two brothers turned up in his salvage yard but this, this just reinforced what I think is truly wonderful about the man … his love and honesty above all else.
Thank you, Jim, for sharing this story, for allowing all of us to see the wonderful woman that was Cecily Adams through the eyes of someone who loved her with all his heart and for sharing bits of the wonderful little life that she worked so hard to create. This book will stay with me for a long, long time; I am richer for reading it. And thanks simply for being YOU.
Wow. What an amazing book. For those of you who don’t know what it’s about …
In August 2003, Jim and his wife Cecily received what they thought was the worst news possible--their daughter, Maddie, was autistic. Then, six weeks later, the roof fell in--Cecily was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer.
… It’s SO much more …
I have had Jim Beaver’s book “Life’s That Way” for a couple of weeks now and I have been reading it in bits and pieces, pretty much whenever I get a spare moment. I didn’t want to put it down and sometimes I couldn’t.
I hadn't known about Jim Beaver until his role of Bobby Singer on Supernatural (although my mother is a big fan of Deadwood). I adore this show, the angst, the family, the love, and the tragedies. It draws me in and makes me feel for the characters.
That is what struck me hard in the face when I began reading even that first of many nightly emails that Jim’s book consisted of. This wasn’t a TV show. These people weren’t characters in a TV show or in some novel. This was a real life situation, a real family and reality of it hit harder the deeper I got into the book. This isn’t just a story told by an author but a real experience by a real man. It’s a tale of hope, fear, love, anger, resentment, joy, kindness, grief and not so much learning how to get rid of it but learning how to live with it and move onto the next phase in life whatever that may bring.
Written over the space of a year it is easy to get lost in Jim’s words, his style and forget that it isn’t happening right there and then as it is in your head when you read. I felt like I was there reading with the thousands of others that had been receiving the emails at the time it was happening.
I got choked up in parts and tears fell on occasion but also a smile or two managed to worm its way onto my face as Jim’s way with words and dry wit that I know so well today were in amongst all the heartache.
I took a lot away from this and will hold onto it. Not because I have been through the same experience or anything close (nothing I was old enough to really remember clearly anyway) but simple life lessons that I think are valuable to all of us. Jim might not consider himself a wise man … but I’ve learnt a lot, so thanks, Jim.
Most of all? This book isn’t just a tale of death and overcoming grief. Jim’s love and devotion to his beloved wife Cecily, their daughter Maddie, his father and anyone lucky enough to call Jim family or friend shines through it all. I’m not sure whether it makes me warm inside or my heart ache for his loss … maybe a bit of both ;)
I’ve since leant my copy to my mother and my grandmother is in waiting to lend it after my mother has finished with it. I have total faith that this book would capture anyone and it comes with my highest of recommendations (whatever that is worth lol)
I fell in love with the man behind “Bobby Singer” years back when two brothers turned up in his salvage yard but this, this just reinforced what I think is truly wonderful about the man … his love and honesty above all else.
Thank you, Jim, for sharing this story, for allowing all of us to see the wonderful woman that was Cecily Adams through the eyes of someone who loved her with all his heart and for sharing bits of the wonderful little life that she worked so hard to create. This book will stay with me for a long, long time; I am richer for reading it. And thanks simply for being YOU.
March 29, 2013
I have been avoiding reading this book for years now. Perhaps I should have read it sooner. It is one of the most human treatments of grief and the grieving process I've ever read, plus it is interesting and funny (in bits) and compelling and difficult to put down.
Immensely talented as a writer as well as an actor, Jim Beaver did not sit down with a plan to write a book about losing his wife to lung cancer. When his wife, Cecily Adams (daughter of Don), was diagnosed in the fall of 2003, he simply started sending nightly email messages to family and friends by way of keeping them current on the situation without having to go through the time (and exhaustion) of constantly re-hashing the latest in a series of conversations. This book is a (highly edited) compilation of those email updates.
I'm not sure when I heard about this book. Certainly it was sometime after I lost my father to lung cancer four years ago. When I read about the book I did want to read it, and yet I didn't. And when a friend sent me her copy a few weeks ago, I figured I couldn't avoid it any longer. At first it was just as I feared: too many parallels to my exact situation, including initial symptoms and the fear surrounding diagnosis. But of course there is a difference between losing a spouse and losing a parent - there are differences in every human, in every story of love, of loss, and what it means to actually exist here with each other. So after the first few chapters when I was simply crying constantly and unable to see the pages, I settled into THIS human story, this tale of imperfection and suffering and fear and incredible, profound grace.
This isn't a cheery book, and while Jim Beaver has a tremendous sense of humor (actually it seems pretty similar to my father's) and that does come through, it will be emotionally difficult to read. However, I would suggest that you read it anyway. By the epilogue it is decidedly uplifting, and you will feel better for having made it through. Not in an "I survived reading this!" way, but for walking on that path with fellow humans for a while. Maybe you don't know either of these actors from their other work. It honestly doesn't matter. This could be any human losing any other human that they love. Since we are all human and will all lose people we love at one time or another, there is a value in taking some time to reflect on the light others have cast on that dark path. No one person's grieving process is exactly alike any other person's, but by reaching for what we do learn, and know, and take from grief as caring people, we can set our feet on more solid ground.
Amazing.
Immensely talented as a writer as well as an actor, Jim Beaver did not sit down with a plan to write a book about losing his wife to lung cancer. When his wife, Cecily Adams (daughter of Don), was diagnosed in the fall of 2003, he simply started sending nightly email messages to family and friends by way of keeping them current on the situation without having to go through the time (and exhaustion) of constantly re-hashing the latest in a series of conversations. This book is a (highly edited) compilation of those email updates.
I'm not sure when I heard about this book. Certainly it was sometime after I lost my father to lung cancer four years ago. When I read about the book I did want to read it, and yet I didn't. And when a friend sent me her copy a few weeks ago, I figured I couldn't avoid it any longer. At first it was just as I feared: too many parallels to my exact situation, including initial symptoms and the fear surrounding diagnosis. But of course there is a difference between losing a spouse and losing a parent - there are differences in every human, in every story of love, of loss, and what it means to actually exist here with each other. So after the first few chapters when I was simply crying constantly and unable to see the pages, I settled into THIS human story, this tale of imperfection and suffering and fear and incredible, profound grace.
This isn't a cheery book, and while Jim Beaver has a tremendous sense of humor (actually it seems pretty similar to my father's) and that does come through, it will be emotionally difficult to read. However, I would suggest that you read it anyway. By the epilogue it is decidedly uplifting, and you will feel better for having made it through. Not in an "I survived reading this!" way, but for walking on that path with fellow humans for a while. Maybe you don't know either of these actors from their other work. It honestly doesn't matter. This could be any human losing any other human that they love. Since we are all human and will all lose people we love at one time or another, there is a value in taking some time to reflect on the light others have cast on that dark path. No one person's grieving process is exactly alike any other person's, but by reaching for what we do learn, and know, and take from grief as caring people, we can set our feet on more solid ground.
Amazing.
October 7, 2010
Starring in HBO’s ‘Deadwood’, Jim Beaver was married to Cecily Adams, the daughter of television star Don Adams who played in the t.v. drama ‘Get Smart’. Jim and Cecily had a beautiful marriage, a wonderful new baby daughter named Madeline or Maddie as they loving referred to her, they were building their dream home and both had good jobs, Jim as a television actor and Cecily who casted for ‘That 70’s Show’. They had a great life and were deeply in love but all that was soon to change.
After suffering through long and difficult fertility treatments which took a toll on both Jim and Cecily, they had their beautiful baby girl. However, their happiness soon turned to sorrow when Maddie was diagnosed with autism and then Cecily, who was a non-smoker and a health nut, discovered she had Stave IV lung cancer! What devastation this was for this loving and deeply caring couple.
There were so many family and friends to keep up-to-date that Jim began to write a nightly email to keep everyone informed on Cecily’s treatments and progress. This was also a way for Jim himself to try and make sense of all that was happening to them. The emails were at first only viewed by family and friends but within a short time the readership turned into some 4,000 readers who followed their story on-line.
After Cecily’s passing, Jim kept up his nightly missives in order to understand what just happened to him and to keep Cecily alive in his heart and his mind until he was truly ready to let go.
This was a powerful, frank and inspiring book. Yes, it was a sad memoir but not a weep through every page read. The book is written in Jim’s series of emails that he was sending out to family and friends and as you read along, you are instantly pulled into their world. This is a book that anyone who has lost a loved one should read. It is very well written.
After suffering through long and difficult fertility treatments which took a toll on both Jim and Cecily, they had their beautiful baby girl. However, their happiness soon turned to sorrow when Maddie was diagnosed with autism and then Cecily, who was a non-smoker and a health nut, discovered she had Stave IV lung cancer! What devastation this was for this loving and deeply caring couple.
There were so many family and friends to keep up-to-date that Jim began to write a nightly email to keep everyone informed on Cecily’s treatments and progress. This was also a way for Jim himself to try and make sense of all that was happening to them. The emails were at first only viewed by family and friends but within a short time the readership turned into some 4,000 readers who followed their story on-line.
After Cecily’s passing, Jim kept up his nightly missives in order to understand what just happened to him and to keep Cecily alive in his heart and his mind until he was truly ready to let go.
This was a powerful, frank and inspiring book. Yes, it was a sad memoir but not a weep through every page read. The book is written in Jim’s series of emails that he was sending out to family and friends and as you read along, you are instantly pulled into their world. This is a book that anyone who has lost a loved one should read. It is very well written.
April 28, 2020
If you're thinking of getting this book, there's something you need to think about first. Know what it is you're buying!
If you're looking for a book about the life of Jim Beaver, with maybe some fun behind-the-scenes tidbits about his life as an actor, this is not that book. (sorry to all the supernatural fans, but you'll find no mention of Jensen Ackles until the acknowledgements)
What this book does give you, is a very detailed account of the year the author corresponded daily with friends and loved ones about his wife's cancer diagnosis, her subsequent battle, and the emotional aftermath for Jim as he was forced to adjust to life and raising their young daughter without her.
Is this book worth reading? Wholeheartedly YES! But be warned, it is harrowing. I took longer reading this than I'd anticipated, as I was only able to get through it in small pieces, and even then I couldn't manage to do it with dry eyes.
But it is also beautiful in its way, and oh so very human. Jim lays it all out there: The pain, the fear, the anger and the guilt. There was a particular part where he described something I'd been struggling with myself, something no-one ever talks about, and the simple knowledge that I wasn't alone was such a relief to me that I wished I'd read this long ago.
What amazes me most is how even during the worst year of his life, he was able to write so eloquently. On the strength of this alone I will gladly read anything else he has written...
Hopefully the next time I won't need quite so many tissues though.
Mostly though, I hadn't realised I needed to read this book, but now that I have, I will be thankful for it for a long time to come.
If you're looking for a book about the life of Jim Beaver, with maybe some fun behind-the-scenes tidbits about his life as an actor, this is not that book. (sorry to all the supernatural fans, but you'll find no mention of Jensen Ackles until the acknowledgements)
What this book does give you, is a very detailed account of the year the author corresponded daily with friends and loved ones about his wife's cancer diagnosis, her subsequent battle, and the emotional aftermath for Jim as he was forced to adjust to life and raising their young daughter without her.
Is this book worth reading? Wholeheartedly YES! But be warned, it is harrowing. I took longer reading this than I'd anticipated, as I was only able to get through it in small pieces, and even then I couldn't manage to do it with dry eyes.
But it is also beautiful in its way, and oh so very human. Jim lays it all out there: The pain, the fear, the anger and the guilt. There was a particular part where he described something I'd been struggling with myself, something no-one ever talks about, and the simple knowledge that I wasn't alone was such a relief to me that I wished I'd read this long ago.
What amazes me most is how even during the worst year of his life, he was able to write so eloquently. On the strength of this alone I will gladly read anything else he has written...
Hopefully the next time I won't need quite so many tissues though.
Mostly though, I hadn't realised I needed to read this book, but now that I have, I will be thankful for it for a long time to come.
May 1, 2009
Jim Beaver's Life's That Way is the most sincere account about the battle with cancer I've ever read. The book is a collection of e-mails Jim sent daily to family and friends about his wife's struggle with stage IV lung cancer. For most people who have experienced the disease this is indeed a painful read, but it also offers hope and reasons to smile. When Cecily was diagnosed, an unbelievable number of family members and friends offered to help in any way they could, making Cecily, Jim, and their little Maddie feel a little less alone in their fight.
Jim is honest in relating his thoughts and emotions. Reading about his anger, resentment at the unfairness of the disease, and profound fear makes it easier for people to accept these feelings when they experience them themselves.
This is a touching, heart-breaking book everyone should read. Not only because almost everyone knows someone who had cancer or even had it themselves, but because it can teach us about our own strength and courage when they're needed, and that human kindness and selflessness has no limits.
Jim is honest in relating his thoughts and emotions. Reading about his anger, resentment at the unfairness of the disease, and profound fear makes it easier for people to accept these feelings when they experience them themselves.
This is a touching, heart-breaking book everyone should read. Not only because almost everyone knows someone who had cancer or even had it themselves, but because it can teach us about our own strength and courage when they're needed, and that human kindness and selflessness has no limits.
May 3, 2009
This is a marvellous book about a horrible time. Just writing that makes me cringe because it almost seems insulting, but I've no better way to describe it.
Jim Beaver has shared the most tragic time in his life and his struggle to recover from it - shared his darkest hours through his writings with family and now complete strangers in an attempt to help anyone else struggling with such devastation as the loss of their second half or even those of us who know others in similar situations. Trying to give hope where there might seem to be none and showing others that people can share love with those in need when least expected.
This is lasting testament of his love for his wife Cecily. A memoir he can share someday with his daughter Madeline. It's Mr. Beaver exposing his heart for anyone who'd care to take a peek.,/p>
This is a very personal work, a very personal experience. And it will touch you deeply no matter who you are.
July 17, 2009
Every now and then I come across a book that resonates so deeply with me I feel its touch for years to come. I suspect Life's That Way is one of those rare and wonderful novels. I could make the grand statement that this book changed my life, and I'm sure it would come off sounding like a load of bull, but it would also be true. It has been one year, one month, and 21 days since I lost a person I loved dearly, and not a week goes by that I don't think of her in some way. The lessons I've learned from sharing Jim Beaver's journey have allowed me to recognize that the scariest paths over the tallest mountain or across the most tumultuous of seas are often the paths one needs to brave in order to heal, and most important of all, that it is all right to stumble along the way.
Beaver's story is achingly beautiful. It is filled with boundless hope and brutal honesty tied up with an inspiring strength of character and faith. I will always be grateful that he chose to share it.
Beaver's story is achingly beautiful. It is filled with boundless hope and brutal honesty tied up with an inspiring strength of character and faith. I will always be grateful that he chose to share it.
August 17, 2014
Read this in one sitting, now feel so emotionally wrung out. It might sound wrong to say I enjoyed this book due to the content, but this book left me ultimately full of hope, Hope for Jim and his beautiful sounding daughter, for the life they will forge together after their loss. The loss of Cec seems to have left a huge hole and one Jim is free to admit affects him when he least expects it, but one he is aware of, which to me sounds healthy, I expected this book to be a 'life is unfair' and a ranting 'how hard done were we' but it has been written so honestly that you realise that although these statements are true he is very much aware how many people go through this every day. It takes a brave person to be so honest and put it out there for all to see and for that I thank you Jim Beaver and Maddie x
June 2, 2015
Wow. Just wow. This book was beautiful and honest. It was loaned to me a couple of years ago when my mother passed away by a thoughtful friend that told me she believed it might be good for me to read. While I have to say that I'm glad I waited this long to read it, I'm so unbelievably happy that I did read it. While the relationship of the loss was different (Mr. Beaver and his wife, me and my mom), some of the emotion and thoughts and guilt and joy was all the same. Nobody grieves the same way, but it was nice to know that I wasn't the only person out there that had some of the thoughts like Mr. Beaver had go through my head. A wonderful memoir that I highly recommend to anyone who's lost someone they loved.
July 5, 2019
4.5 stars
Jim Beaver is an actor. Some might know him from Deadwood; I know him from Supernatural. This is a memoir, but it's not about his career. It's much more personal. In 2003, his 2-year old daughter, Maddie, was diagnosed with autism. Two months later, his wife, Cecily, was diagnosed with cancer. Two days after Cecily's diagnosis, Jim sat down to write an email to friends and family to tell them what was going on. He emailed those friends and family daily after that. This book compiles a good portion of those emails.
It's amazing how much Jim was able to pour his heart out in those daily emails. The ups and downs of Cecily's fight with cancer, taking care of Maddie, the medical bills, dealing with everything... Told through these emails that were sent while it happened, means the story is told before they knew what the outcome would be, so it really is day-to-day struggles and hopes, and so much more. I think that also makes this memoir unique.
There's so much to fighting it that, if you haven't gone through it, or aren't close to someone who has... there's just so much I didn't know. I feel like I can't do the book justice with my review. This would be a tough one to read if you've gone through this yourself or with someone you love. I am close to tears, just writing the review. But Jim's love for his wife and family shine through the tears.
Jim Beaver is an actor. Some might know him from Deadwood; I know him from Supernatural. This is a memoir, but it's not about his career. It's much more personal. In 2003, his 2-year old daughter, Maddie, was diagnosed with autism. Two months later, his wife, Cecily, was diagnosed with cancer. Two days after Cecily's diagnosis, Jim sat down to write an email to friends and family to tell them what was going on. He emailed those friends and family daily after that. This book compiles a good portion of those emails.
It's amazing how much Jim was able to pour his heart out in those daily emails. The ups and downs of Cecily's fight with cancer, taking care of Maddie, the medical bills, dealing with everything... Told through these emails that were sent while it happened, means the story is told before they knew what the outcome would be, so it really is day-to-day struggles and hopes, and so much more. I think that also makes this memoir unique.
There's so much to fighting it that, if you haven't gone through it, or aren't close to someone who has... there's just so much I didn't know. I feel like I can't do the book justice with my review. This would be a tough one to read if you've gone through this yourself or with someone you love. I am close to tears, just writing the review. But Jim's love for his wife and family shine through the tears.
March 31, 2019
When I came across this book at the library and noticed it was written by Jim Beaver, whom I recognized from Supernatural, I knew I had to read it.
The book covers a year of emails Jim sent updating family and friends on his wife's cancer as well as other things going on.
It was moving reading it chronologically, as though going through it with them and there were plenty of ups and downs.
I think if you're someone who enjoys reading memoirs like this you sound give this a read.
The book covers a year of emails Jim sent updating family and friends on his wife's cancer as well as other things going on.
It was moving reading it chronologically, as though going through it with them and there were plenty of ups and downs.
I think if you're someone who enjoys reading memoirs like this you sound give this a read.
March 9, 2018
This was a very painful but worthwhile read for me.I needed something to read ,spotted this in memoirs, and just grabbed it.
Having recently lost both my younger brother and sister within a year,my 2 good friends of forty years and my mother seven months ago it has been rough.All this loss and all from cancer within 16 months somedays is too much to bear.
Two quotes which stuck with me:
Joy and sorrow are inseparable...
Together they come and when one sits alone with you...
Remember the other is asleep upon your bed
Getting on with life does not mean finding the hidden passage into Shangri-La,
where sorrow stops and a new idyllic life begins. Rather getting on with life means learning to walk and even run with this new weight on my shoulders .
Having recently lost both my younger brother and sister within a year,my 2 good friends of forty years and my mother seven months ago it has been rough.All this loss and all from cancer within 16 months somedays is too much to bear.
Two quotes which stuck with me:
Joy and sorrow are inseparable...
Together they come and when one sits alone with you...
Remember the other is asleep upon your bed
Getting on with life does not mean finding the hidden passage into Shangri-La,
where sorrow stops and a new idyllic life begins. Rather getting on with life means learning to walk and even run with this new weight on my shoulders .
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