The Polyamory Paradox: Finding Your Confidence in Consensual Non-Monogamy

by Irene Morning

Consensual non-monogamy is on the rise, but is it helping or hurting you?

Changing your relationship structure can feel overwhelming and scary. It can trigger major anxieties and insecurities, throwing you into an utterly depleting emotional tornado. What you hoped would be liberating feels more like torture.
No matter how badly you think you want non-monogamy, your body might have something else to say. The surprising intensity of your triggers can leave you wondering if you have what it takes and questioning whether your existing relationship will survive.

What if you’re interested in opening up, but taking steps in that direction is causing unmanageable turmoil? While it may not be easy, it is possible to alchemize polyamorous pain points into secure intimacy, boundless pleasure, and deeper healing.

That’s what happened for coach and sexual health counselor Irene Morning, who found healing for her own complex-PTSD through the practice of non-monogamy.
In The Polyamory Paradox , she combines the science behind trauma healing and human intimacy with personal narrative, client stories, and doable exercises to help you root out what’s not working.

First, you’ll learn what is causing such chaos in your non-monogamous relationship, as well as the body-based tools to stabilize it. Using her holistic pleasure framework, she then introduces you to a new way of thinking about your relationships. Finally, Irene shares how to specifically apply these new tools to the communication, conflict, and collaboration unique to non-monogamous contexts, empowering you to create the relationships that feel like your liberation

Genres: Relationships, Polyamory, Nonfiction

150 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 24, 2022

Reviews

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wanted to read this after hearing the author on the Multiamory podcast. Even more trauma-informed polyamory content creators don't always acknowledge that the bodily dysregulation that can come from opening up a monogamous relationship isn't just jealousy or a paradigm shift away from monogamy, but a trauma response that needs to be taken seriously and not white-knuckled through. Morning provides concrete examples and exercises, along with her own personal story, to share a path forward for those who are drawn to non-monogamy but finding the practice of it to be wreaking havoc on their nervous system. Given the overlap between non-monogamous folks, the queer community, and those with cPTSD, this book is a critical guide for many and not something I'd seen previously.

[Lauren Dandridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

9/10 very insightful and helpful for the anxious girlies < talking about pleasure seeking and tolerance being in the body

[Ginger Banks · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is great for the people looking for an approach to polyamory that didn’t work for them in the past. As someone who’s been diagnosed with PTSD this book is the closest thing he read about polyamory that makes sense. Excited to integrate what I’ve learned into my life.

[Summer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is pure gold. I finished it in 4 hours, and I know I will be re-reading this many times to integrate the wisdom contained here (I've also already recommended it to several people, including my partners). As a queer person with significant attachment wounds, trauma, and embodiment struggles, I have experienced major challenges on my journey with polyamory. The most popular and powerful resources on trauma healing, attachment, etc. operate from a monogamous framework, and I have struggled with applying them to my own experience in non-monogamy. This book honestly addresses the nuanced paradoxes & hardships that accompany polyamory for those of us who struggle to regulate our nervous systems and are dealing with relational wounding (which TBH is probably most of us). I cannot wait to put into the practice the exercises contained within these pages, and to integrate all of these multi-faceted aspects of myself with a healthy dose of reverence for the paradox that is inherent in Self & Relationships.

[Adam Scheurer · Rating 1 out of 5]

What

What is pleasure? It's used again and again, yet never defined. At one point it's declared to be different from the social construct usage, then used repeatedly in context of ordinary construct. Many ideas are vaguely hinted at yet never connected or explained, with anecdotes about something almost related. It goes over the struggle of how to be okay with your partner lying to you, it's okay as long as you use more words and don't call it lying. It's okay to intentionally withhold information because it might cause conflict, even though by definition authenticity requires an informed decision. There's so much confusion here, and it feels like I'm supposed to be grateful for it.

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

beautiful

a gift for this community! Irene balances story with practical approaches to meet activation we might find ourselves or our loved ones in. What a pleasure to read.

[allie · Rating 5 out of 5]

whether you’re poly or not i highly recommend this book! will definitely be reading again!

[Chloe Hundley · Rating 5 out of 5]

The BEST book I have read on non-monogamy. Through a lens of nervous system and somatics, I couldn’t be more grateful that Irene wrote this book.

[Sandie raines · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was really interesting! Enjoyed the candor and the sections on pleasure / communication.

[Jason Abed · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first step to tackling my own polyamorous experience that will shape the rest of my life.

[Aliya Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

first book i’ve read to have a trauma informed perspective on non monogamy. incredibly validating to read if you have struggled with regulating your emotions and the brain / body intellectual disconnect. i feel like this is the first book ive read that has actually described the problems in polyamory for folks w c-ptsd & gives lots of strategies & tools & skills to deal with overwhelming emotions & have a pleasure based poly life <3

highly highly recommend to anyone who has Trauma & is in any kind of non monogamous relationship ~ OR if you are in relationship w someone who has a lot of Trauma. game changer for real

[Emily F. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really appreciated a lot of the insights and perspectives this book offered into polyamorous relationships, and the challenges and rewards that come with them.